


My Cause and My Love

by AblatedCrayon



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-14 07:59:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 181,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3402938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AblatedCrayon/pseuds/AblatedCrayon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My name is Ashley Williams. I'm not famous; you wouldn't have heard of me. If you looked at me, you'd never know the extreme circumstances that took me from a small colony to the heart of the Council races. The things I've witnessed over this journey have shocked me, awed me, and changed me. I'm not the woman I was; I've been changed. But in the wake of everything that's happened, the galaxy itself has been changed as well. I can't hope to know how all this will work out, or what long-lasting repercussions these events will have. No, the only thing I can hope to make sense of is how it has affected me, and those around me. This is <i>my</i> story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

 

Private Nirali Bhatia reached down and grabbed her small vidmail player from a sack near the head of her bunk. I watched her in the dim light as she manipulated it, the light from the player's interface making her facial features more distinguishable than before. A moment later, the player began reiterating its stored message from Samesh once again. I knew it was part of her process, reminding her of home. She really loved her husband. Sometimes, I was jealous of their relationship. Of course, I had my sisters. We were really tight, and I loved them all to death. It'd be another 102 days until my next week-long leave. In some ways, this was the most removed we got during a given year: long time since the last leave, and long time until the next. I missed them terribly, so I didn't begrudge Nirali's nightly ritual. She just missed her loved one.

Samesh's voice came over the player, the volume set to low so as to afford some privacy and avoid bothering the others in the camp. Nirali let the entire message play through once before shutting it down. I closed my eyes, laying prone on my bunk, tired from the day's efforts. I let Samesh's voice roll over me, the words too quiet to be distinct and recognizable, but the gentle droning of his voice still serving to relax me. I didn't know her husband, but she was lucky to have someone. Someday, I wanted to have the same ritual.

It didn't seem to be happening any time soon. Here I was, stuck at another backwater rear garrison on Eden Prime, one of humanity's safest colonies. There were no altercations to speak of here, at least, not very violent ones. The peace wore on me. I wanted action; I wanted to ride in like the cavalry and save the day on the frontier worlds. I was so jealous when James left, reassigned to a ship. Every single time I requested a shipboard posting I was denied without comment. I knew why. I knew their opinion of my family wasn't likely to ever change. I did it anyway, every chance I got. Stubbornness is one of my most obvious traits. Their prejudice was wrong; my grandfather was a hero, not a failure. At any opportunity afforded me, I made sure to subtly point that out. Well, as subtly as _I_ could be, anyway.

Everyone I met on Eden Prime seemed simple and boring. I'd been here eight months without a single “relationship” with a civilian. Most were simple farmers. The whole colony had the feel of a small, closely-knit town; where everyone knew most everyone else. It made it difficult to get excited about dating.

So I channeled most of my frustrated energy into working. I wanted to be the best damn non-comm officer ever. My unit often complimented me in private, face to face. I had no idea what their official reviews of my leadership said, but most seemed honestly impressed, so I assumed the majority was probably positive. Another log to fuel the fire, proof that I was being discriminated against by the brass.

Of course, the brass had nothing to do with why Shanxi went south. The blame belonged squarely with the turians who invaded the planet and destroyed entire city blocks just to force a couple of my grandfather's garrison troops to surrender. He had to give in before the civilian causalities racked up even higher; he had no choice. The turians controlled orbit. Until help came, he was only going to cause more innocents to die by holding out against them. So he became the first and only person to surrender to an alien force.

My heart burned with such an intense hatred for that turian general and his invasion force. He was the reason my family suffers social stigma. Every one of my CO's eventually finds out my relation to General Williams, and that's the shadow that holds the Williams family back. It isn't fair, and I will never stop fighting for our family. Eventually, they'll all realize their mistake.

The room was finally darkened as the last few marines climbed into their racks. I heard the creaks and groans as they got comfortable. From my point of view, I could see Nirali was lying on her back, head on her pillow, unmoving. She was always good at getting right to sleep; like she had a light switch on her that she could just flick any time she wanted. I wasn't expecting to go to sleep right away when I closed my eyes; I wasn't so fortunate. However, as a child I'd always been told closing them would still help my body recharge even if I couldn't sleep.

I wondered what trouble James would repel at his new posting. He'd probably stop a few batarian slavers from capturing civilians on a frontier world; be a part of the charge that rescued civilians from certain death. He'd probably make a difference.

It didn't matter who protected Eden Prime; there was nothing to protect it from. Tomorrow, I'd be protecting some scientists as they finished excavating the beacon. There was a good chance the Systems Alliance would send a ship for it; surviving Prothean technology was quite rare. That would be as close as I got to a shipboard posting: watching one pop by and pick up some tech I was guarding. _Would it even make a difference if I wasn't here, but some other nobody was? Of course not._

The next morning my unit rose bright and early, got suited up and ready, and then joined the scientists at the dig site, relieving the unit that had been “protecting” them for a couple days straight. Along with my unit, the 212, the 202nd was also guarding the camp and dig site. It seemed overkill on an utterly silent world, but on the other hand, today was not your typical day. Prothean beacons were extremely rare. I ordered a perimeter set up around the beacon. I stayed by the beacon and the scientists themselves, helping out a little where I could.

Manuel muttered to himself while working alongside Dr. Warren. I began to suspect the guy was a little off his rocker; he made me uneasy. I kept away from him when I could, but I never lost track of him, constantly monitoring him from the corners of my eyes.

“Chief, this is Bhatia! I've got unknown contacts south of the beacon!”

I opened up my radio to the entire unit. “212, converge on Private Bhatia's position immediately. Let's go see what's going on.” I turned to Dr. Warren. “I've got to check something out. All of you should stay here with these marines, they'll keep you safe.”

“What's wrong? Is there something out there?” Dr. Warren looked frightened.

“No, don't worry. It's probably nothing, we just have to be thorough.” I turned and checked that the 202nd's commander knew what was going on.

He did, acknowledging me with a nod. “Don't worry, we'll stay here with them. You go check it out.”

“All right. Keep those scientists safe,” I answered almost in jest, turning and heading south into the woods. It took my unit and I a few minutes to convene on Nirali's position. Once we were assembled, I ordered, “Move out,” and lead the way towards the south-east where Nirali had detected her unknown contacts. We moved in silence, not speaking, everyone with eyes and ears open.

We couldn't reacquire Nirali's contacts, so we spent most of the morning just patrolling the area as a unit. It was noon before the 212 found new unknown contacts. I held up a fist and fell to one knee at hearing something in the distance ahead of us. Everyone froze, assault rifles at the ready, sweeping them back and forth, looking for a visual contact. As we searched, I heard an increasingly loud, high-pitched whine. Suddenly, breaking through the dense forest into our field of vision, came half a dozen flying drones with small machine guns mounted to them. “Cover! Cover!” I yelled, bringing up my own weapon to fire on the drones. They were unlike any design I'd seen before. They were round, tiny, and white, and they hovered much higher than the typical support drones the Systems Alliance used. My unit opened fire as they quickly covered behind the nearest available trees. The hailstorm of exchanging fire turned the space between us and them into an instant kill zone. The drones were not well-shielded, and we dispatched a few of them in short order.

I heard the whine of more drones coming. “Fall back to the beacon!” I ordered. Another drone was ripped up by our weapons fire and burst into a small fireball as it crashed on the forest floor. We fell back in stages, keeping up the fire on the drones, taking time behind cover to allow our kinetic barriers to recharge before exposing ourselves to fall back again. As we reached the edge of the forest and entered a clearing, still firing on the drones, we were under a hundred meters away from the dig site, which was located behind some hills that made it impossible to see from our point of view.

I heard some otherworldly chirps and whistles from behind me. Turning around, I spotted what looked like blue flashlights atop bipedal bodies, who were taking aim at us with automatic weapons. “Contacts on our six!” I yelled to the others. “Bunker up in the forest!”

Most of my unit was already out of the forest, driven back by the scores of flying drones. We'd been lead straight into an ambush, and now we were flanked. I knew we were fucked, but I refused to give up so easily. I noticed the barriers wink out on some other members of my unit. Instantly, they were cut down and collapsed to the ground, unmoving. Screaming with an inhuman rage, I concentrated my efforts on the flanking foot soldiers. There weren't enough of them to take us, thankfully. I cut down the last one just as I heard Nirali scream out in pain. I turned around, immediately noticing no one else was left standing with me.

Two more flying drones remained, turning their attention on me so I had to dash away. _You weren't fast enough, Ash. You could have saved them if you were faster!_ I had to force my second-guessing to the side and concentrate on the moment now. The drones pursued; with my low kinetic barriers I couldn't afford to stay and fight. I sheathed my assault rifle on my back mid-run, and then set off at my fastest running speed, arms pumping back and forth in perfect opposing sync to get me going as quickly as I could. The drones were fast; they were hot on my trail even as I ran, and I was desperately looking for better cover where I would have a chance at recharging my kinetic barriers.

I heard the deep _bawhump_ of my kinetic barrier failing as I stumbled over uneven ground. I pulled my pistol, knowing this was my only chance. I launched forward, turning myself around in mid air, and taking aim as I landed hard on the ground, feeling the pain in my rear end from the landing immediately. I kept my aim as steady as I could, and three, then four shots later, the drones were in pieces at my feet. I breathed heavy in utter amazement as I looked at their computerized remains scattered over a square meter or so. As I got back to my feet, I could see the edge of the dig site. Two flashlight heads were wresting a human overtop a purple tripod. Suddenly, a large spike came out of the tripod, impaling him through the chest. I gasped.

The soldiers turned around and spotted me. I turned away and scrambled back to my feet and ran for a rock formation not far from where I'd fallen. Pistol sheathed, I pulled the assault rifle again, feeling it expand into its combat form in my hands. I caught my breath, and then leveled the weapon, preparing for another fierce fight. I had no time to think about my odds of surviving; I had to live in the moment, attempt to get a step ahead of the flashlight soldiers before they outmaneuvered me.

_Flashlight soldiers. Wait. Didn't I hear about the geth having lights on their “faces”? Are they geth!?_ I couldn't spare any more time to think on it. I spun around from behind my cover and opened fire, lighting up the barriers of the nearest soldier. They were caught outside of cover, giving me the upper hand at first. I spotted movement and checked behind me as I covered up behind the rock, fearful I'd been flanked again. Instead, two marines came rushing towards me, joining me at my cover and firing on the geth soldiers.

I breathed a sigh of relief and joined back in the fight, engaging the geth. The CO ordered, “Kaidan, lift that last one!”

Kaidan didn't answer, but swung out from behind our cover and instantly his body was sheathed in a purple—cloud? I hadn't met many biotics, and never seen them in action before, but I was reasonably sure that's what he was. The purple energy lashed out and surrounded the last geth, who began to float up helplessly into the air. Amazed, I watched as the other two finished it off in midair, killing it before it hit the ground again.

I turned to the CO to introduce myself, trying to appear as in control as I possibly could. I was utterly shaken by the sudden dramatic events, so I wasn't so sure how well I pulled it off. “Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212. Thanks for saving me, Sir.”

“Commander Shepard of the _SSV Normandy_. What happened here, Chief? What are these things?”

“I think they're geth, Sir.” I answered.

“Where's the rest of your unit, Chief?”

I looked past him towards the direction of the forest where we'd been cut down. I couldn't see it physically, but it was all too real replaying in my mind. “We were ambushed, Sir. I don't think—,” I stopped, emotions choking me and threatening my thin veneer of calmness. I forced myself to swallow and finish what I was saying. “I'm the only one left.”

“We're here for the beacon, Chief. Where is it?”

“Behind me,” I gestured. “Not far.”

“Good. Williams, you're coming with us.” When I didn't answer, he added, “Move out.”

I nodded and took point, leading them to the dig site. The place was trashed and had several of the purple tripods set up. I warned the Commander to keep his distance from them. We secured the site, but the tall Prothean beacon was no where to be seen, confounding me. “It was right here, Commander. It must have been moved!”

“Where?”

“The camp is up ahead. Maybe the geth haven't hit it yet. Any scientist still there will know.”

“Let's go.” Shepard ordered, wasting no time. I nodded, beginning to lead the way up the hill.

I saw the smoke before we got there. I exchanged an uneasy glance back to Kaidan as we reached the top. Part of the camp was on fire and had collapsed. Only a couple prefabricated trailers were still standing relatively unharmed. Both had their blinds closed, preventing us from seeing inside them. “It looks like they hit the camp hard.” I was distraught. _Eden Prime was supposed to be a safe world. How did everything go so wrong so quickly?_

Kaidan lock-picked one of the trailers to look for supplies we could use. I told him there might be a blasting charge or two left that could act as a grenade if used properly. As the door opened, I heard the startled gasp of Dr. Warren. “Humans! Thank the Maker!”

I didn't say anything, but I was surprised to discover that Warren was religious like myself. In my dedication to my work, I'd really not talked a lot with the civilians on topics beyond the excavation. I kept my mouth shut and let Shepard handle interrogating them about the beacon and the attack. Briefly, I heard Manuel driveling on about our destruction being at hand. I hadn't liked him much before, but now I was practically certain he was insane. Perhaps this attack pushed him over the edge. I didn't know, but I didn't care to find out either. I couldn't escape Nirali's scream in my head, followed with my hasty retreat and near-death.

“The beacon was moved to the spaceport earlier today,” Dr. Warren explained. “For extraction.” Shepard accepted this and reassured them they were safe. He had Kaidan lock them inside once again and I lead the squad towards the spaceport.

I was the first to top a hill and spot something _huge_ and vaguely resembling a metallic squid begin to take off from the ground in the distance, near the spaceport. “Whoa!” I whispered to myself, awed at its incredible size. _Is that really a ship!?_ I could hardly believe my own eyes. It had to be the biggest ship I'd ever seen, and despite its bulk, it was capable of take-off and landing on a planet!

I couldn't watch it for long because there were geth all over the spaceport. Shepard ordered us to advance on their position and take cover. We launched a surprise attack and killed them before they had a chance to give much in retaliation. We advanced on the spaceport. My every sense was on full alert as we approached the dead body of a turian the other two apparently knew from their ship.

I heard something move nearby. “Something's moving, over there, behind those crates!”

“No don't shoot don't shoot, I'm human!” A greasy-looking dock worker appeared from his hiding place. He confessed to seeing Nihlus killed by another turian he referred to as “Saren.” Shepard let him go, warning him the area was still dangerous. Thankful, the dock worker added, “Take the cargo tram; that's where the other turian went.” Then he disappeared into the garage.

Shepard knelt next to the Nihlus' body. I watched him turn the head and looked at the back, forcing me to fight the urge to throw up. He activated his omni-tool and began taking photographs like a dispassionate medical examiner. I tore my vision away and looked at Kaidan instead. “Who was he, and why are we gathering evidence of how he was killed?” I asked.

“The first question answers the second, Gunnery Chief. He's a Spectre. The Council assigned him to the mission.” The Lieutenant answered.

“Spectre?” I asked, lacking any comprehension of the term.

“The Council's elite agents—they report to no authority other than the Council itself. They're given full authority inside Council space, too. The Council is going to want to know what happened to their agent, and they're not just going to take our word for it, either.”

I shook my head. _A united alien attack I might expect, but different agents killing each other amidst the attack?_ It was totally unexpected. As Shepard joined us, I asked him, “Turians killing other turians, Commander? What's going on here? What are we in the middle of here?”

“It's got to deal with the beacon,” Kaidan suggested. “I'd bet my life on it.” I said nothing and instead moved ahead towards the tram. The geth were swarming over the whole area. I decided it would be best to keep the high ground and engage from the top of the catwalk before taking the ramp down to their level. I sheathed my assault rifle and pulled the sniper instead. Commander Shepard nodded his approval silently, and then motioned that he and Kaidan would move down to engage more directly. I would be their support.

As soon as they were in position, ready to pop up over their cover and engage, Commander Shepard gave me a signal. I quickly popped over the solid wall that formed the catwalk's railing and took sight on the first geth. Meantime, Kaidan and Shepard engaged the geth, drawing their attention. Moments later, I downed one of the foot soldiers with a shot straight through its flashlight head. It collapsed in a heap and silver “blood” leaked out over the floor all around its head. I pulled back on the bolt, expelling the used shell and loading a new one as I returned it to the firing position. I kept myself in motion, planning for the next target: aim, fire, pull away from the edge for slightly better cover while operating the bolt, and then lean forward again to repeat the process.

In short order, we routed all geth forces defending the tram and took it to the spaceport's far end. As we stepped off the tram, Kaidan immediately noticed a large device near the ramps up to the next level and the catwalk. “Demolition charges! The geth must have planted them!”

“Shit!” I swore, quickly agreeing with his assessment. Shepard said nothing, bending down to a squatting position and activating his omni-tool.

“We can disarm them manually, but we've only got five minutes!” he informed us. I scanned the area with my sniper rifle up and ready, covering Shepard while he deactivated the bomb. As soon as he finished, he ordered, “Up the ramp. There's more where that one came from.”

Kaidan lead the way this time. As we reached the top and began to cross the catwalk, his barriers were lit up by incoming fire from across the chasm. I brought the rifle up and fired without hesitation on one of the geth. I missed the head shot, but caught it square in the chest, knocking it backwards. There were far more geth up there, however, and they all joined in. Our squad raced the rest of the way across the catwalk and behind cover before our barriers gave out. Sheathing the sniper rifle, I switched to my assault rifle. Then, popping up over my low-lying cover, I squeezed off a four second burst at the nearest geth before being forced back behind cover.

Kaidan biotically shoved half a dozen advancing geth off their feet and back away from us, preventing them from flanking us. Together, the three of us cleared the way, disabling three more high-yield explosives as we advanced.

Finally, we came up to the beacon, guarded by a token force of remaining geth. They were quickly routed and the beacon secured. Shepard turned away and radioed the _Normandy_ that he was ready for extraction.

Kaidan and I stared at the beacon itself. It reminded me of a thin pillar, sticking up quite high in the air. I wondered why it was designed like some kind of monument when it was actually some kind of communication technology from what I'd heard the scientists talking about once before. Kaidan seemed suitably impressed, saying, “Amazing! Actual working Prothean technology!”

I nodded, sheathing my assault rifle. “It wasn't doing anything like that when they dug it up... Something must have activated it.” I approached it curiously, my brow wrinkled in confusion. When I'd last seen it, it'd been dark, dormant. Now, it looked powered up: green light flowed up and down its entire length in an uneven pattern. _Why does that look like a waveform to me? Almost like water, actually. It's pretty._

I closed within three arms' lengths or so of the beacon, trying to make out what looked like writing along the pillar. Suddenly, a green flash shot out in a large radius, encompassing me. I felt the tug of gravitational forces pulling me towards the beacon. I backpedaled, trying to break free of its grasp, but it was pulling me so strongly that my feet merely slid on the metal grating before they left the floor entirely. Two arms encircled me as Shepard pulled me back down from behind. He threw me clear of its grasp, but the beacon merely switched to Shepard, pulling him half a meter into the air and holding him there. I heard him give a surprised yelp before going quiet.

“Shepard!” I yelled, attempting to get back to my feet and grab him.

Kaidan held me back. “No, don't touch him! It's too dangerous!” I thought I could have broken him free if I really tried, but I listened to a superior officer instead.

Suddenly the beacon exploded, completely shattered, and the force threw Shepard back, causing him to land in a heap not far from us. I ran over and began checking him for injuries as Kaidan radioed in a medical emergency. The _Normandy_ arrived a few minutes later, landing on a pad at the spaceport. Together, Kaidan and I carried him aboard and straight to the medical bay.

Dr. Chakwas began working on Commander Shepard immediately, shooing us out. After fifteen minutes, she emerged from sickbay and greeted myself and Captain Anderson. She detailed the Commander's condition. “He's been knocked cold by the explosion, but there doesn't seem to be any permanent physical damage. I won't know for certain until he wakes up, but I'm cautiously optimistic about his situation.”

“Good.” Anderson answered. “And you did well, Gunnery Chief. Alenko told me you kept a cool head and helped get him aboard ship for treatment. How would you like to join the _Normandy?_ ”

Dumbstruck by his offer, I couldn't answer him at first. When he raised a questioning eyebrow, I berated myself for getting flustered and quickly stammered, “Uh-Y-yes, Sir! Thank you, Captain!”

He smiled. “I'm glad to hear it. We'll be leaving Eden Prime soon; the Council will want to hear about what happened to the beacon. I'll make sure your CO gets your transfer papers as soon as Eden Prime is sorted out, backdated to cover from now forward. Welcome to the _Normandy_ , Chief Williams.”

“It's an honor, Captain. Thank you.” I managed to collect myself, utterly ecstatic and barely holding my excitement back. I felt like hugging my new CO, but went with a winning smile instead. He nodded and politely excused himself to get back to the CIC. I turned to Chakwas, who smiled, sharing a portion of my enthusiasm, perhaps. I remembered the Commander's condition and instantly my excitement dwindled. “Can I see him?” I asked, worried.

“You can sit with him if you like, Chief. Just don't try to wake him up. His body needs to heal on its own; it will decide when to bring him back to us. Clear?”

I nodded. “Thank you, Doctor.” My stomach rumbled and I reached into my pouch on my right leg to grab an MRE I'd stored there. Not feeling it, I looked down, confused. I saw a ragged tear all along the pocket's bottom, completely opening it up; the food was gone.

Chakwas asked, “Looking for something?”

I blushed, slightly embarrassed. “Looks like I lost my MRE. I'm pretty hungry, I haven't eaten since 0600.”

Chakwas looked past me to the wall chronometer. “It's 1650 now. Have you really gone without food for that lo—,” She stopped herself. “Of course, ship time. What time is it on Eden Prime now, more like noon?”

I checked my watch. “1350, Ma'am. Is there somewhere I could get some food?”

“Of course, right this way.” Chakwas led me to the mess hall, grabbing us each some food. We returned to sickbay to eat. After she finished her early dinner, she started working on reports at her desk. I sat on the cot next to Shepard's, laying back against the monitors set into the wall as a makeshift chair back. It was uncomfortable, but hardly the worst thing I'd ever endured. Chakwas came by a little later and offered me several very plump pillows to use instead. I thanked her and piled them up, leaning back into them to watch Shepard's still form. His chest rose and fell slowly. At first, the rhythm was repeating. After a while, it became more random. I mentioned it to Chakwas as she passed by; she quickly started doing some tests, asking for my assistance in holding the sensory equipment over him while she read the results and manipulated the device's settings.

Sometime later, she determined it was abnormal beta waves. I'd heard of them before, but I couldn't remember what they meant; if they were abnormal, that didn't sound good. Chakwas must have read the concern in my face, because she explained quickly, “It's all right, Chief. He's dreaming.”

“Ok.” I said, feeling sheepish. The man was in this condition because of me. I didn't realize until right then how much I'd been letting it get to me. I returned to my own bed and tried to rationalize my guilt, but it didn't work.

() () () () ()

Using a portable tablet, I accessed the _Normandy_ , and through her FTL comm system, the extranet. The Normandy VI ended up being extremely helpful in getting everything set up. Once I was online, I began a few half-hearted searches for information about my new CO's, Captain Anderson and Commander Shepard. Anderson was a highly regarded figure in the Fifth Fleet. He'd been in a lot of battles and survived them all; and very often he did better than mere survival. He was probably a tactical genius and a hell of a leader, if what I read was anything on which to go. Apparently, Shepard's first name was Daniel. He was an N7, the highest proficiency that could be awarded for special operations. However, there seemed to be some dissent about his decisions throughout his career. Some called him 'the Butcher of Torfan' because he lead the attack on a pirate base that ended up killing every single pirate too slow to escape and got the majority of Shepard's unit killed. I wasn't sure the source was reliable; it wasn't exactly a reputable paper. Still, if there were some truth to it; well, I would have to be aware so as not to be caught off guard by it.

I heard stirring and moaning from the bed next to mine. I quickly closed out the tablet and let it power down, coming to Shepard's bedside. “Doctor? Doctor Chakwas? I think he's coming around!” As I looked at his face, he groaned miserably and blinked several times before managing to keep his eyes open.

“What happened? He asked. His memory seemed to come back to him, and he inquired, “Williams? What are you doing here? Ahh!” He grabbed his temples with each palm and trembled briefly, putting intense force against them. “ _Dammit Williams!_ ” he growled.

“Settle down, Commander. Take it slow,” Chakwas cautioned. “You've been out for almost 15 hours.”

“My head is _killing_ me, Doc.” His voice was filled with anger. “Dammit!” He hunched over slightly. I felt extremely guilty now.

I tried to apologize. “I'm sorry, Commander. The beacon must have had some kind of security field. I must have activated it when I got too close, and you had to push me away—”

“Out. Now.” He said curtly. I knew an order when I heard one. I gulped painfully and nodded, swiftly walking out, feeling smaller than a microbe. I heard Chakwas defending me as she examined her patient. It didn't make me feel any better; he had a right to be angry.

I stopped just outside the mess hall and took a few steadying breaths, reining in my emotions before they could break past my defenses. It wasn't easy, and I felt like I was on the verge of tearing up regardless, but my pride kept the eyes dry. I shuddered involuntarily, but began to feel a little better. The worst had passed.

Captain Anderson nodded to me on his way into the med bay. He and Shepard talked for quite some time. I wanted to be anywhere else when he came, but responsibility kept me rooted in place. When Shepard finally emerged, he looked considerably better. “Sorry about earlier, Chief. That was one wicked headache.” Despite wanting to think he genuinely meant what he'd said, I could tell his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. I forgave him regardless; I was deeply religious and forgiveness came second nature to me.

We exchanged a few words about Jenkins, the soldier who'd been killed before they came across me. The soldier whose spot I'd filled. I wasn't particularly happy about what it'd taken to get me aboard a ship. The crew was obviously affected to a degree by the death, and everyone was rather neutral or cold towards me thus far.

“I have to get Joker to bring us into a dock at the Citadel.” Shepard excused himself.

“Joker?” I asked.

“Our pilot. It's his nickname. Everyone calls him that.”

“Oh,” I offered lamely. Shepard moved to depart.

“Sir, if I may, what happened down there with the beacon? Are you really ok?”

“Yes, I'm fine Chief. The beacon—reacted somehow. It put images into my mind—a vision. It's not really clear what it was trying to say right now, but I think it was trying to communicate directly with my brain. Chakwas wants me to write down everything I can remember several times over the next week or so to see if I can remember more.” With that said, Shepard spun around and walked up the stairs to the bridge.

Curious to see the Citadel myself, I headed up after him a minute later. The only portals were tiny window slits near Joker at the helm, where Shepard was. I hung back with the marine posted to the door between the stairs and the CIC. I could see the holographic interface easily from here. Anderson had it zoomed into short-range active sensors, giving him holographic representations of the hulking Citadel structure and all the ships in the vicinity. The Citadel—I could still remember learning about it as a child—was even more impressive than I remembered. It was at least twenty-two times longer than any dreadnought in existence. It housed thirteen million people— _well, aliens and people._

As the _Normandy_ docked, Shepard came back to speak with Anderson. They agreed to take the full ground team from Eden Prime to see Ambassador Udina. Shepard looked in my direction. “Suit up, full armor, Williams. Get Alenko.”

“Aye, aye,” I answered, turning and heading down the stairs to deck two. I found the Lieutenant and together we suited up in our armor and entered the interior of the massive space station, heading for the human embassy. Shepard, Kaidan, and I exchanged a few words with our ambassador before he departed for the Council chambers. He told Shepard to attend the hearing before the Council, hoping it might make it harder for the Councilors to reject humanity's accusations out-of-hand.

“Big place,” Kaidan observed, looking up at the _sky_ above the Presidium and the embassies.

I kept quiet. They probably didn't know, but I'd never seen an alien before. With all my previous assignments, I was definitely out of my element now. I watched turians and salarians shuffling past below where I stood on the embassy's balcony. The asari caught my attention the most—their bald, blue heads looked like they had tentacles that slicked back and came off the scalp at the back, sticking out into the air by the merest inch. I noticed one asari reach up and scratch her head. I noticed these “tentacles” as I'd first thought of them were in fact not actually muscular nor capable of movement; it was just the way their heads looked. I was considerably less weirded out knowing I hadn't found the Medusa's of the universe.

As we left the human embassy heading for the Citadel Tower, a well-dressed man of Indian descent intercepted us. “Commander Shepard! A moment of your time, please!” _That voice seems awfully familiar to me..._

“What do you need?” Shepard asked, not paying a great deal of attention.

“I am Samesh Bhatia.”

_Oh._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 

I interrupted immediately. “Samesh! I knew your wife! I'm Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212.”

“Chief Williams! It is a pleasure! Nirali spoke of you with great respect.” He smiled wistfully for a brief moment, and then looked back to Commander Shepard. “I am in need of your assistance. The military will not release my wife's body for cremation, and they won't tell me why.”

“Eden Prime was a war zone,” Shepard stated factually. “I can understand it if they're still reeling from the attack.”

“It's not that,” Samesh explained. “They say they have her body already, but they won't tell me anything more.”

“I'll look into it later, Mr...” Shepard searched for the name.

I supplied helpfully, “Bhatia.”

“Mr. Bhatia. I have a meeting at the Tower.” Shepard moved to leave.

“Commander, wait, please,” I begged. “It's Nirali.”

“No time, Williams,” he supplied, clipped.

Irrational anger began building up inside me. “Sir, we aren't even going to be asked to testify at the hearing. Our presence makes no difference as to the outcome.”

“This is not up for debate, Chief,” Shepard warned. I went quiet. Satisfied, he turned to leave.

I couldn't let it go, however. I tried to ignore the voice in my head, but it insisted all the more incessantly that Nirali would have wanted me to help. I gave in, requesting, “Commander, permission to assist Mr. Bhatia while you attend the hearing.”

Commander Shepard stopped in his tracks and spun neatly around on his heels. He seemed moments from an outburst, but then he sighed, defeated. “All right, Chief. Meet me in the Tower when you're finished.”

“Thank you, Commander,” I answered, relieved. Kaidan and Shepard walked over to the Citadel Rapid Transit Shuttle. I turned to Samesh. “What can I do to help, Mr. Bhatia?”

“Call me Samesh, please, Miss Williams,” he requested. “There's a man in the embassy lounge who works with the clerk's office. His name is Mr. Bosker, and he's in charge of my case. If we can convince him to release my wife's body, I think my troubles will be over.”

“Point him out to me,” I entreated. “And call me Ashley.”

“Right this way, Ashley.” He indicated a doorway and together we left the embassies behind.

Mr. Bosker was on break, leaning against a wall with a colorful drink that fizzed unceasingly. I walked up, looking as hard-nosed and steely as I could. “Mr. Bosker. Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212.”

Bosker acknowledged me with a short nod and outstretched an empty hand to shake. I took it, briefly thanking Shepard for ordering me to dress in full armor. It helped cement every bit of intimidation I could possess. He spotted Samesh behind me and cleared his throat. “Mr. Bhatia.”

Bhatia did not reply, frowning. I filled in, “I've heard you aren't releasing Nirali Bhatia's body to her family. As an officer in her unit, I demand to know why this request has not been honored.”

Bosker cleared his throat nervously. “Chief Williams, Nirali's body has strange burns on it that were caused by some unknown geth weapon. Her body is going to be studied and will hopefully help the military develop better defenses against geth weaponry. With all due respect, through her death she may help save many more lives than she did alive.”

“There were a lot of bodies on Eden Prime. You don't need hers,” I reminded him.

He shook his head, “Chief Williams. . .”

I began to feel my control slipping. “No! You don't understand! Nirali was a member of my unit! I couldn't save her life or the lives of anyone else in my unit. They were all wiped out; one moment there, the next gone! You're just some _bureaucrat_ , listening to some _scientist_ blabbing on about 'strange burns' and scientific advance.” I took a steadying breath before pressing forward. “None of you know or care about Nirali Bhatia. She died to save the lives of those on Eden Prime. She would have died to save _your_ life, Mr. Bosker, if she had to.” At this point, I pointed right at his face with my index finger and leaned intrusively into his personal space. Up close, his soft facial features served as yet another poignant indicator that Bosker had no idea what it was like outside of a cushy desk job far behind the front lines. This observation fueled my anger, and I kept going, “She's made her sacrifice for the Alliance military. You have _no right_ to demand more from her, or her family. Release her body, and ask someone else to contribute to your 'holy' pursuit of science!”

Bosker would have leaned away from me, if he hadn't already been up against a wall to start with. Instead, he cleared his throat again. “I—uh—that is, you make a good argument, Chief Williams. Mr. Bhatia, are you certain about this?” He looked imploringly at the bearded man standing behind me.

“Nirali was willing to give her life, Mr. Bosker,” Samesh sucked in a painful breath of air, “but this is asking too much. She deserves peace in the next life. I cannot let you treat her like some experiment; no matter how beneficial it _might_ be.”

Bosker nodded mutely. I moved back, restoring space between us. He met my eyes with his own. “I will have her body released immediately, Chief Williams,” he stated firmly. He set his unfinished drink down on an empty table and walked out of the bar. Only now did I notice the disturbance I had created. Many Systems Alliance privates and crewman were here already, and it seemed they were all watching my heated exchange. I tried to ignore them and keep my embarrassment from showing on my face. Seeking refuge from the staring, I turned to Samesh.

“Thank you so much, Miss Williams!” Samesh closed in and gave me a huge hug, crying into the crook of my neck.

“You're welcome, Samesh,” I answered, feeling a lump form in my throat. I felt intensely grateful for the chance to redeem myself in some small way. He relented after a spell, drawing himself up, eyes puffed from crying. I felt like I should do more, but I wasn't sure what to say, so I went with my instincts. “I'm sorry about Nirali. I don't know if this helps, but she loved you very much. She missed your cooking, and she played recordings of you every night before she went to sleep.”

“I know Miss Williams,” Samesh answered, “but thank you. It's nice to hear it again.” He turned and left. Noting a few furtive glances from the corners of the eyes of other patrons, I felt I'd overstayed my welcome and did likewise. I headed for the Citadel Tower to catch the tail end of the hearing. The Rapid Transit was backed up with several aliens waiting for a shuttle, so I decided to walk along the Presidium. Avina, the holographic virtual intelligence guide that looked like an asari, pointed me in the right direction. By the time I arrived at the top, the hearing had concluded, and Shepard, Kaidan, and myself had been tasked with conducting our own investigation into Saren.

Shepard decided to split up to cover more ground. “Kaidan and I will each check out one of our current leads. Chief, I need you to put an ear to the ground; check out the markets, ask around. Find out anything you can about what Saren was doing last time he was here on the Citadel. It might give us some further insight into him and his situation, allow us to get a step ahead. Keep the investigation quiet—I don't want to cast a wide net when it comes to people knowing what we're doing this early in the game.”

I nodded and was summarily dismissed. The three of us broke up to head in different directions. I made my way through the crowded wards access and reached the upper markets in short order. A turian and human were arguing about returning some product without a receipt; I only listened enough to realize it was utterly pointless and a waste of my time.

I turned around, leaning against a low bar, with a keeper off to my right. The bug-eyed alien was working a console in complete silence; at least so far as I knew. He had some complicated radio-like device he wore like a backpack, which he might be using for technological telepathy so far as I or anyone else seemed to know. I knew I should be asking around, but my orders were to be discreet at the same time. I wasn't sure how I was going to pull that off; I was never a word person. _I'll be lucky just to not give up the intel on whom I'm actually investigating._

Up the stairs came a fair-skinned brunette. Her hair was a lot lighter, more brown than my black. Her features were good, too. She wore a long dress that went all the way down to her feet, but had a pattern cut out of the front that showed a firm tummy. It was one of those fashions I'd seen a few times in the wards already; apparently popular on the Citadel. Personally, I didn't like dresses. _You can't run in a dress. You can't fight or defend yourself in a dress. For a woman in my position, not exactly practical._

Something shiny on her wrist caught my attention; it seemed like some kind of jewelry I'd never seen before. I caught a brief glimpse of the inscription in the light; it looked like an alien alphabet to me. I was surprised, although I reproached myself a moment later. _You're not in the middle of the Systems Alliance territory anymore; you're right in the melting pot of the Citadel. You shouldn't be surprised to see a mixing of cultures._

“Thank you for waiting, Earth-clan.” A breathy noise came through some kind of environmental suit. “How may I help you?”

I glanced down at the volus shopkeeper. They were such dwarfs, as a race. Asari, humans, turians, and salarians were roughly the same height at full-grown. The volus I'd seen thus far never got past my hips. I plastered on a rather unconvincing smile and answered him.

“Hello. Quite the place. You seem pretty successful, but appearances are appearances I suppose. What kind of patrons do you get here? I mean, like, really high class patrons.” _Way to be indirect, Ash. You are so going to fail this mission._

The volus took another breath through his suit before speaking. The sounds the suit made during breathing reminded me of valves clicking open and shut. It was curious. He stated evenly, “I service all levels of society, with the exception of the unsavory, of course. I've seen many kinds of patrons; in fact, a good deal of my wares end up being sold to highly placed individuals seeking to upgrade their bodyguards' hardware. Would you like to browse some of my wares? I have a few armor upgrades left, and a great deal of pistols.” I shook my head. The volus sighed, “Very well then,” and he turned to address a newcomer to his shop. _You blew it, Ash! He stopped talking because you said you weren't going to buy anything! You're supposed to string them along until you have what you want! Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

I sighed, defeated. That's when I caught the attention of the human in the fashionable Citadel dress I'd seen earlier. She seemed intent on speaking with me, as she locked me in eye contact and made her way through the crowd. I nodded politely when she arrived, and said “Hello.”

The woman studied my armor long enough to glean my rank before addressing me. “Hello, Gunnery Chief. I was told you would be here.”

“Who are you, and who told you?” I asked more defensively than was probably advisable.

The woman took it all in stride. “My name is Tracy. I am an acolyte of the Consort Sha'ira. She wishes to speak with you.”

Despite the randomness of the encounter, my instincts told me Tracy was on the level. The whole situation was all a little strange, so I wasn't sure what to think. “What? I'm sorry, but I don't know any 'Sha'ira'. I'm not even from here.”

Tracy nodded. “None of us are. What is your name?”

“Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the _SSV Normandy,_ ” I replied, more than a little proud to finally say I belonged to a ship.

Tracy smiled and raised her hands in a cupped gesture to her forehead. “Well, Ashley. The Consort wishes to speak with you about an ongoing human investigation. She would not tell me any details. She wishes your presence in her quarters as soon as possible.”

I felt more than a little out of the loop. Even the aliens I'd never met seemed to know about our investigation already. _How could they possibly know that? Hey, that's a good question to ask before you agree to this!_ “Um, Tracy, I'm not sure I follow. How could anyone know about our ongoing investigations? It's not exactly on the public record.”

Tracy smiled. “Sha'ira is the Consort; there is precious little that happens when it comes to the Presidium that the Consort does not know about. She knows about the meeting with the Council earlier today. We also heard about your altercation in the embassy bar, too. We both think that you were right to goad that man into submitting to the husband's wishes.”

“Huh. Wow,” I interjected, mind racing. “So what is this all about, really? You seem to be beating around the bush a bit here.”

Tracy nodded. “Only out of necessity; I do not know the details. Sha'ira will answer your questions. If you would join me, I can take you to her immediately.”

I had nagging suspicions and doubts, but this woman appeared to pose no threat to me, and I'd probably be fine so long as I kept my weapons and armor, even if I was being led into some kind of trap. I acquiesced, and Tracy led me to a Rapid Transit hub to summon a vehicle to pick us up and take us to the Consort.

When we arrived, I realized it was right in the heart of the Presidium, near the financial district. I felt much more at ease; violent crime on this level of the Citadel was a rare thing indeed from what I'd gathered. Tracy led me up to the Consort's quarters, leaving me alone by the door. It slid open and revealed a well-furnished abode. There was a bed enclosed by purple-tinted glass, plenty of comfortable seating, a table for meals, counters for cooking, and several kinds of devices that looked like alien harpsichords and clarinets to me. In the middle of all these plush living arrangements stood a lone asari, her species' characteristic blue skin showing through what seemed to me to be an awfully revealing dress despite being so long. In amongst all these fine, delicate, and beautiful surroundings, I felt inferior by comparison and wished I'd known what I was getting myself into.

Sha'ira— _the_ _Consort,_ I reminded myself—welcomed me, urging for me to take a seat on one of her nice sofas. Training kicked in, and I practically marched over, taking quick, clean turns that a drill sergeant would love. I waited for the Consort to face opposite me and sit down on a sofa facing my own. As she sat, I sat, figuring it would be the best way to avoid any potential social faux pas. Sha'ira seemed amused, but said nothing until we were both seated.

“I must confess you have me at a disadvantage. I don't even know your whole name,” Sha'ira implicitly questioned.

“Ashley Williams,” I supplied. “Consort, I don't know why I'm here. Tracy was, well, pretty vague.”

“I know. So it must be to maintain the balance of this society. Let me explain it to you now. I brought you here, because I seek to assist you in your investigations into Saren Arterius. I am familiar with his ruthless reputation, and it has always been cause of great concern to me. When I heard Lady Benezia had joined him; well, I could not keep silent.

“I am close to the Lady. She and I shared a great many secrets in our times together, dreams, and plans. It is most unlike her to leave Thessia and follow such a destructive force like Saren. I wonder if she might even have been coerced. Benezia has a daughter named Liara T'Soni. I fear one or both of their lives is the ransom Saren uses against Benezia. When you leave in pursuit, you must look for Liara. She was always a loner, and it makes her especially vulnerable. She is working in the Artemis Tau cluster as an archaeologist and field expert on the Protheans of times forgotten. Artemis Tau has a star named Knossos with only one habitable planet possessing Prothean ruins: Therum. When you leave the Citadel, you must go there at once and save her. It is key to stopping Saren in his tracks.”

“You act like he's already a rogue,” I noted. “The Council should have asked you what you thought.”

Sha'ira adjusted herself to lean back into the sofa, spreading one of her arms out across the top. She seemed to regard me for a moment, as if trying to decide something about me. “I believe the truth will come out,” she answered simply. “And if I am wrong, you will never have to worry about tracking down Liara.”

“Unfortunately, I think you're right,” I confessed. “I was on Eden Prime. I never saw him, but I saw what the geth did for him. I heard the eyewitness implicate him on the spot, never having met any of us before. There's no doubt in my mind, but the Council takes the word of their agent over us _lowly_ humans.”

Sha'ira did not react to my baiting. Instead, she advised simply, “Be patient, Ashley. You are impulsive and you speak your mind. Your beliefs are held tight to your heart, as well they should be. But do not let them blind you, Ashley, as it will be an ever-present temptation for someone as spiritual as yourself.”

I couldn't help my inquisitiveness. “How did you know I'm religious? For that matter, how'd you know when I'd be in the upper wards?”

“I am paid for my insight into things that are not clear and concise.” Sha'ira smiled attractively. “I doubt you'll believe it, but it is partially intuition and life experience, and partially something more. Something inexplicable.”

I shrugged. “Ok. I suppose it's good advice, anyway.”

“I must take my leave of you, Ashley. Thank you for coming to see me today.”

“You're welcome, Sha'ira,” I answered mechanically before realizing the significance of the statement. I couldn't help it; it was ingrained through years of practice to be the only polite response to an offer of thanks. _Wait, she's thanking me for coming? The great, revered Consort, living a life of luxury, just thanked me for stopping by?_

My respect for this asari woman rose sharply with this revelation. I stood and excused myself, still walking very proper and formal until the doors closed to separate us. _Well, maybe politeness comes with the job, the luxurious living. Or maybe she's honestly just that nice. I guess you'll never really know._

At the bottom of the stairs I smiled to Tracy and thanked her briefly for bringing me here. She beamed and surprised me with her answer. “Before I ever left Earth, I felt called to a higher purpose. When I came to the Citadel, I realized I was meant to serve under the Consort. Days like today, I realize partly why: I was brought here to help Sha'ira contact you.”

She had a point, but she didn't even know it. If some asari—or any alien, really—had come up to me and asked for a private meeting across the Presidium, I probably would have told them to contact our embassy and let that be the end of it. Because of Tracy, I _had_ come and gained a potential lead, without which I very much doubted Saren could be traced.

My radio crackled to life. “This is Commander Shepard to Gunnery Chief Williams and Lieutenant Alenko. I've found a quarian with the evidence we've been seeking. Meet me at the ambassador's office.”

() () () () ()

The evidence Shepard located was an audio recording taken from the memory of a dead geth trooper before its mortality protocol could fry that portion of itself. Matriarch Benezia and Saren talked ruthlessly about the victory at Eden Prime, as if the causalities could do nothing to dampen their achievement in getting to the beacon first. They seemed elated at getting one step closer to the “Conduit”, but no explanation was forthcoming from the recording to know what it could be. Presented to the Council in a second trial, they were forced to admit their star agent had gone rogue and attacked humanity, somehow attaining the assistance of the synthetic geth. I saw history in the making; Daniel Shepard was promoted on the spot to the position of the first human Spectre and given the task of tracking down Saren and stopping him before he could strike again.

I was back aboard the _Normandy_ now. I missed Captain Anderson's weathered face in the CIC already; as Shepard received command of the _Normandy_ , Anderson was displaced and temporarily working out of the Ambassador's office on the Citadel. I felt like I'd lost an ally because he'd been so supportive in every conversation we'd had. Now, I'd have to get by without my CO's necessarily even liking me.

Shepard released all information he had remembered from the vision he'd gotten from the Prothean beacon on Eden Prime thus far for the entire crew to read; it felt somewhat like an invasion of privacy at first, but I read through it to familiarize myself with it. The Commander believed Saren was using the same vision to find something called the Conduit, which he remembered seeing for a brief moment in the vision. It held significance and power of some kind for the Protheans. Considering their technology was the basis for most of today's best technologies, it could spell trouble if Saren managed to find it, for it could tip the balance of power into his hands alone. There was also speculation that Saren could use it to bring back a deadly force known only as “the Reapers.” Shepard's vision indicated the Reapers were responsible for ending the ancient and technologically sophisticated Prothean Empire 50,000 years ago.

After memorizing all relevant information in the report, I headed up to the bridge to check in with now-Executive-Officer Pressley on the bridge. He brought me to the comm room, which was empty. “Gunnery Chief,” he began, “I know we haven't had much chance to really get to know each other thus far, so I wanted to get a feeling for who you are as a person and a soldier.”

“Ok.” I couldn't think of anything better to say.

“What do you think of this mission, tracking down this Saren fool?”

“I think it's about time,” I answered. “The Council shouldn't have let Saren play them for fools in the first place. At his first trial, he didn't even have to come to the Citadel. I heard from Commander Shepard that they let him phone in an appearance with the holographic comm equipment in the Council Chambers.”

“You'd think allegations as heavy as we've levied would be given more serious weight.”

“Completely agreed, Sir.”

“Speak freely, Chief. I want to know what you think of the aliens.”

“I think they're more concerned for themselves, their appearance, and their politics than they care about what happens to us,” I stated. “This whole mission speaks to that. Tasking a Spectre on a secret mission to stop another Spectre—well, how fortunate for them. This means they don't have to publicly admit that Saren is rogue, and that he killed a bunch of civilians on a human world.”

“I agree entirely, Chief.” Pressley's eyes gleamed. “I'm glad you and I see eye-to-eye. The Commander's going to be bringing his entourage of aliens aboard to assist on the mission. So much as I think that may be a mistake, we have to go with it for now. Just be vigilant, Chief, and watch what they do. There's no telling what they're here to do—help or sabotage.”

“Sir, why is Commander Shepard bringing them aboard if they can't be trusted?”

“Shepard thinks he can unilaterally decide who's to be trusted and who isn't. I'm not so quick to judge these individuals as trustworthy. Just look at them—a _quarian_ technology specialist, a _krogan_ mercenary, and a _turian_ former C-Sec agent. I can come up with a half dozen ways any one of them could be bad news. They've helped us thus far on the Citadel, but once we get underway and we're apart from the rest of the Systems Alliance searching around—who knows.”

“I'll keep my eyes on them, Commander.”

“Pay special attention to the mercenary. I hear he's especially dangerous—biotic _and_ superhumanly strong. Dangerous combination if ever there were one.”

“Sir,” I acknowledged.

“Dismissed, Chief.” Pressley ended the conversation, allowing me to leave the comm room first and return to my duty station on deck three, where I was in charge of munitions.

() () () () ()

It took mere seconds for me to completely disassemble the first pistol. It was throughly ingrained, and I could put it together via feel if I had to. As I worked on cleaning and oiling the weapon, I noticed the hulking form of Shepard's krogan approach me. His massive arms, like every other visible part of him, spoke 'tank' to my mind. I was more than a little intimidated by him, but I vowed I would never let it show. I turned to face him, still holding the cloth and slide in my hands, working on cleaning them.

“Systems Alliance has some nice equipment,” he gestured at the pistol I was working on. It _was_ nice. By no means a Spectre grade prototype weapon, but still very respectable in a firefight. I nodded and put the part and the cloth down, and then began assembling it, turning away from him.

“What's your name?” I asked.

“Wrex.”

“I heard you were a bounty hunter.”

“You heard right. And who are you?”

“Gunnery Chief Williams,” I supplied, snapping the slide back on the weapon after finishing the reassembly. Then I pulled the slide again, letting the small bullet jump out the breech. Removing the ammo block, I repeated the action one last time. Two bullets lay on my table now, along with the ammo block from which they'd been sheared. _Works like a charm,_ I decided.

“You're a professional soldier, Williams. And before you roll your eyes at me, I don't mean because you're part of the Systems Alliance.”

I literally stopped myself mid-eye-roll. _Damn, he had a good read on me to anticipate my response. I thought_ I _was supposed to be watching_ him. As I picked up the discarded ammo and dumped them in a tiny cardboard box, I asked, “Well, what do you mean, then?”

“I'm watching the whole crew of this tiny ship,” Wrex told me. “Just to get some readings on how things work around here, and what kind of people you all are. You strike me as quite possibly the best soldier of the bunch. I gathered that Shepard's special ops from when he and I saved the quarian together, but he's all about stealth and surprise, not straight-up firefights. The way you handle yourself and that weapon in your hands, I can tell you're the kind of person who wants to be in the front, leading the charge. More like me, actually.”

“I'm nothing like you!” I snapped, too late to bite my tongue to stop myself.

Wrex just laughed gruffly. “You wouldn't know, Williams. You've been giving me, the turian, and the quarian all these furtive glances, but never talking to any of us. I can tell that you don't really want any of us here.”

“It's a human prototype ship,” I said, trying to excuse my actions. “Wouldn't you want to protect your race's secrets?”

“So why don't you do anything about it?” Wrex asked. It was a challenge; I could tell, and I had to accept it or I would be letting him have the advantage. I stared at the pistol in my hands. In a flash, I grabbed the ammo block and shoved it in the bottom of the grip, and then pulled back the slide to load the weapon and turned to face the krogan. Wrex grabbed my wrist, holding my aim off to one side. He was incredibly strong, and his grip hurt. Pushing back with all my strength, I couldn't bring the weapon to bear on him. I cried out as quietly as I could, making the painful cry as breathy as possible.

His left red eye stared into my brown ones as his head turned away from me. He curled his lips up in a self-satisfied smile. I felt the lack of blood beginning to cause my hand to feel like it was getting constantly pinpricked. “I was right about you, Williams. Nobody screws with you, do they?” He let up slightly on his iron grip, letting precious blood resume flowing, which removed the disconcerting pinprick feeling. He also faced me directly once again so I could see both sides of his face, and therefore, both of his eyes. He added, “You won't have anything to worry about from me, Williams. I'm going to follow Shepard's lead. We krogan are honorable about our arrangements, generally speaking.” He chuckled. As he let go, I lowered the pistol, removing the ammo block, and then clearing the loaded round via the breech. I set it back on the table, holding the bullet in my hand.

“You'd better hope so, Wrex,” I warned, “because I will not let any traitor get away with betraying us. That's a promise.”

Wrex nodded. “I don't usually like the people I work with, but in your case, Williams, I think I'll make an exception.” He turned and sauntered away without another word, moving to a corner of the mako bay where he could resume his stand-and-observe activities. I watched him go, perplexed. _I pulled a gun on him, and he says he likes me? Why? Did I just inadvertently do some krogan turn-on?_ I shuddered and turned away abruptly to work on the next weapon. _No, no, no. He just meant friends, of course. Although, that doesn't make much sense either. Since when is pulling a gun a friendly maneuver? It must be because I passed his challenge. All this alien culture stuff—I just don't know what to think!_

A little later, Shepard called for a meeting in the comm room as it had the most chairs of anywhere besides the mess. I rode the elevator with Wrex, who said nothing to me. I followed him into the comm room and took a seat, purposefully away from the krogan and closer to Shepard.

Daniel looked determined. “I've ordered Joker to take us to Therum,” He began. “Saren has gone to ground; no one has seen him since he holographically appeared at the trial. His signal was redirected through the FTL comm lines so many times that he could have been anywhere in the mass relay network. Normally that might be the end of it, but fortunately Chief Williams has a lead. We now know that his accomplice, Lady Benezia, has a daughter, and we know where she is. We're going to pick her up, and find out what she knows.”

The turian, Garrus, cut in, “What if she's not there? She could be another accomplice, or she could be captured by Saren as a bargaining chip to use against Benezia.”

Shepard nodded his head. “All reasonable instincts, Garrus. If she's not there, we find out where she went. I'll tear those ruins to shreds before I let our only lead go dry. Saren is dangerous; he's got a synthetic army, and he's not afraid to use it. We've got to find him.”

I nodded in agreement with Daniel's assessment. This Liara was our only shot until Saren or Benezia decided to make another appearance, probably with the geth backing them up. We would be hard pressed if we let Saren dictate the terms of our encounters to his benefit. At least he was stripped of his Spectre status—it gave us an advantage to counteract his advantage in numbers with his personal army.

“Who are you taking down to Therum?” Wrex questioned.

“I'm taking the mako down with Tali and Kaidan.”

I looked towards the quarian who'd provided the crucial evidence to convince the Council that Saren was rogue. Her facemask made it impossible to read her reaction, but I imagined she must be thrilled. No doubt, I'd find myself drumming my fingers on the mess hall table and waiting for them to return from investigating _my_ lead.

Shepard continued, “Ashley, the dig records show a second entrance to the subsurface ruins. I want you to take the Normandy over there, rappel down and secure the far side. Take Wrex and Garrus with you. We'll meet up inside the ruins, and hopefully one or both of us will have found Liara T'Soni. Then we'll pull out and the Normandy will pick us up. I have no idea if we'll meet with resistance, but this is a Prothean dig site, and there is a human colony elsewhere on the planet. Check your targets.” He eyed Wrex specifically as he gave the order. “I don't want any innocent casualties, and I _certainly_ don't want Liara in a body bag. I need her alive.”

“Williams and I will handle it no problem,” Wrex replied confidently. “I'm sure of it.”

“Good. We'll be in atmo in approximately five hours. Until then, dismissed.”

My mind was literally buzzing—I was being placed in charge of a squad! Not a commissioned officer like Alenko; not a war veteran like Wrex; me, a non-comm with a list of unexciting assignments and nothing to point to and brag about.

I could scarcely believe it. I was so excited, but I had to look professional, so I kept my appearance as cool and collected as it could possibly be. Wrex and I walked together to take the elevator back to the bottom deck. Once the doors closed on us, Wrex chuckled. “You look like you just killed your first nathak, Williams. What just happened that was so special?”

“Didn't you hear the Commander?” I asked, aghast. “He put me in charge of a squad. Our squad—you, me, and Garrus!” At the mention of Garrus, I faltered slightly. _I can't be sure I can trust either of these aliens to follow my lead, can I? I'll have to hope for the best and keep my eye out for the worst. That's the best I can hope to do._

“I thought you were an officer, lesser than that Alenko brat, but still an officer.”

“Well, I am, but I'm a non-commissioned officer. That's a big difference in our military. I guess I just wasn't expecting Shepard to do me any favors since Eden Prime.”

“Well, try not to get us killed with your exuberance, and I think we'll be all right,” Wrex answered. “Although, it's only fair to warn you: I'm self-reliant and usually work on my own.”

“You trying to tell me to expect trouble, Wrex?” I asked very seriously—and very pointedly, as I knew he would respect that.

The doors opened and Wrex smiled, showing some of his razor-sharp teeth in the process. “You're a warrior, Williams. I respect warriors. Just don't let me down on Therum, because you still have a lot to prove.”

He walked away without another word. I considered his words, and then took a glance at my stack of weapons prepped and tested, ready for use. I would need to make sure that Wrex and Garrus got weapons too, so I opened up a keyed container and grabbed another shotgun and two assault rifles, and then closed it up and took the weapons to my table to do the same to them.

When that task was finished, I went up to deck two and stopped in the mess to grab some food. I also packed a few MRE's just in case the mission on the surface took an inordinately long time to complete. I prepared for the mission, and then I double-checked everything, and then I triple-checked it. Finally, the others arrived, gearing up and preparing for the mission. Shepard, Tali, and Kaidan packed themselves into the mako. Over the radio, Shepard ordered, “Williams, operate the mako launch controls. Joker'll tell you when to pull it.”

I finished clicking my armor together and headed over to a panel behind the mako. Joker reported over the radio that he was in the atmosphere and counted down to launching conditions. I opened the launch door, the thin air rushed in at immense speed, creating a howling wind that was almost deafening. I listened carefully to my radio.

“Launch in three, two, one, now,” Joker counted down. I pulled the main lever just as he finished. Instantly, the steam-powered catapult shot forward underneath the mako, connected via cables to the vehicle itself. The mako would be doing over twenty-seven meters per second in less than one second of acceleration pulled by the catapult. As the catapult stopped abruptly at the end of its track, the mako continued forward incredibly fast and was clear of the ship too swiftly to even see it. The _Normandy_ swept up and away while I knew the mako would be using its mass effect fields and thrusters to maintain its attitude as it came to a landing on the surface.

Joker took us to the other side in short order. I left the door wide open and finished attaching my weapons. Wrex and Garrus followed me to the open hatch, and I pulled three ropes from a compartment. Over the noise, I explained, “We humans call this 'rappelling down a line.' We hang these synthetic ropes down to the surface, and then we use the carabiners to hold us on the rope. We feed the line through our hands and basically slide all the way down. Your hands control your stopping. Once down on the surface, disconnect like this so the _Normandy_ can get clear of the drop zone. Any questions?”

Garrus looked ruffled at my explanation but said nothing, watching and copying my motions as the three of us got ready. My back to the opening, I reversed until I was at the edge. I hung my weight over the edge, using my hands to brake myself so I wouldn't fall just yet. Now I was leaning back over a straight drop to the surface. It was exhilarating as I felt the air rush past my hair and ears. Then I pushed off, jumping away from the _Normandy_ and yelling, “Oorah!” The descent was quick. I braked as the ground came up to greet me, bending my knees as I landed to absorb the force. In seconds, I was disconnected and clear. Garrus and Wrex had their own lines, but I still didn't want to stay connected to the ship any longer than necessary, as it would be quite unfortunate if Joker took off with me dangling at the end of my rope—literally.

Wrex made his way down quickly and painlessly, but I could tell Garrus had more difficulties with the concept. Apparently, this wasn't exactly ordinary for a C-Sec investigator, which is something I could definitely understand. After a few halted aborts, however, he was safely on terra firma, and I checked to make sure both aliens disconnected appropriately. “ _Normandy_ , this is Chief Williams,” I called into the radio. “We are clear! Winch up the ropes, and we'll see you on the other side!”

Joker acknowledged, and the _Normandy_ pulled away even as the dangling ropes retracted inside the mako bay. I pulled the assault rifle off my back and secured the drop zone. There was no apparent activity. We proceeded towards the second entrance to the ruins, half a kilometer from the drop zone.

There was little in the way of vegetation on Therum; the air was thin, and the surface was very hot. Open rivers of lava could be seen in the distance, with more leading off in the direction of Shepard's drop zone. We came up silently on the entrance; a cavernous gap that went so dark that I couldn't see more than five meters inside. As we left the large rock rubble into the relatively flat clearing in front of the cave, we heard the sound of a geth dropship bearing down on our position. “Move!” I yelled. “Into the cavern!”

Instantly we broke into a dead run into the welcoming arms of the darkness. As we disappeared inside, I turned back and saw a glimpse of the ship arriving, slowing to a hover outside the cavern entrance, and dropping a geth colossus. It slammed into the ground with such force the entire ground trembled. It unpacked itself and got to its feet. Garrus, Wrex, and I were safe from visual inspection and behind rocks for cover just in case it was lucky enough to spot us. When it merely took up guarding the entrance from exterior intrusion, I quietly tapped my team on a shoulder and led the way into the cave, feeling along the wall.

As soon as we got around a bend, I reached down and pulled a self-contained chemical lamp, breaking the membrane and starting the reaction. It glowed dimly at first, but a while later the light was rather blinding to look at directly; it had a reflective surface surrounding a good sixty percent of its arc, redirecting the light mainly in a single direction, like a typical flashlight. I sheathed my assault rifle and pulled the pistol instead so I could better grip the short, stick-like light source in my left hand. The pistol in my right, I rested it on top of my left to lend stability to my aiming. Garrus and Wrex activated their battery-powered lights, fastening them to their respective weapon barrels. I turned back and shook my head.

“Keep the batteries for when we make contact with friend or foes in here. They're strategic resources; you can turn them on and off at will. The chemical lights are once-on-always-on, but we can ditch them once we make contact with hostiles if necessary,” I explained to them.

The lights winked out moments later, and they grabbed a few of my spare lights. Once they were lit, I set off deeper into the tunnel. The path to the ruins was less than perfectly straight, but the good news was the natural cave was not extremely big and wide, nor did it have forking paths. It was mostly a weaving tunnel large enough for the three of us to stand perfectly straight and walk side by side.

As we quietly proceeded deeper inside, I heard the all-too-familiar chirp and squawks of a geth. I held up my left fist to halt our advance, and then handed my light to Wrex. I advanced on an abrupt turn in the tunnel slowly, both hands on my pistol. I peeked around the edge, body pressed up against the cold, damp surface of the wall. I spied the blue eye of the geth as it apparently patrolled our way into the ruins. Hiding from view again, I took stock of my supplies and our situation. The ideal solution wouldn't attract future geth attention. Explosives would be heard from a long ways away. But, if I could assassinate it quickly, without it ever seeing me and telling its compatriots over their neural net, the geth would have no explanation for the loss of one of their numbers until we were right on top of them.

It was a very short distance for a sniper shot, but I figured the sniper rifle would have the best chance of a debilitating head shot that could pass by its kinetic barriers with enough kinetic energy to destroy it. I sheathed the pistol and quietly pulled the sniper rifle from my back. I briefly winced as the weapon made significant sound unpacking to its useful formation. The other nice thing about my sniper rifle was it had a night-vision scope on it, which could make securing the next room without my light on easier. I held my breath, listening quietly to the chirps as the geth again reported no contact to its superiors, if it even had any.

I ducked around with my head, getting a rough bearing on it since it was still pacing the next area, and then covered up again. Still holding that breath, I turned full body, bringing the sniper rifle up to my shoulder and aiming at the lone, blue light with my right eye looking through the scope. I squeezed the trigger, and the shot rang out loudly in the partially enclosed space, causing dirt to dislodge from the ceiling and fall around me, filling the air with sand for a few moments.

As it cleared, I released my breath and resumed normal breathing. There was no more blue light ahead of me. Wrex and Garrus came up to me, and Wrex handed over my light. I took it as I sheathed the rifle and pulled the pistol again. Shining my light at me, I nodded to them and indicated for them to continue to follow behind me. I saw the white shell of the geth's armor in my light briefly, the enemy sprawled on the ground, unmoving.

_One down_ , I mentally ticked off. We continued into the cave's depths without further sign of contact for almost a minute before spying light ahead. “Prothean ruin dead ahead,” I whispered. “Keep sharp.” My voice was harsh and staccato in my own ears.

As we came up to the light, I dumped my chemical lamp and switched to my assault rifle, expecting a potential trap at the bottleneck that was the cave's giving way into a large cavern created by the Protheans. We were by a camp tent that looked to have been around for some time, probably set up by Liara or someone else studying the ruins with her. As I blinked in the brightness of the Prothean ruin's artificial lights, I spied what looked like targets dead ahead. I motioned Garrus and Wrex to cover up against the low rocks immediately in front of us. As soon as we were all safely covered, I peeked up to check targets, analyze their numbers, and their positions.

The room was filled with geth. Absolutely filled. They were hiding in every nook and cranny they could find, but they were facing the wrong way, for the most part. A few were scanning our area briefly as part of their pattern. I indicated a twelve count. Garrus indicated seven. Wrex pointed up high, and I spared a quick look past my cover to see a sniper way up high, aiming down at the center of the big cavern we were all sharing, apparently covering his comrades from anyone stupid enough to rush their cover and attempt to flank.

I also spied a form I did not recognize immediately. Then it clicked, like the final tick of a time bomb. There was a krogan among them, apparently _working_ with them. _A krogan? How? Why? This is unexpected._ While I considered this perplexing development, the krogan took some of the geth with him and disappeared up some stairs to an elevator. The rest of the geth began moving all at once, redeploying to fill in the gaps in their forces; seemingly silent, but doubtlessly coordinating with their neural nets.

Seeing an opportunity, I yelled, “Now!” And not even a fraction of a second later, Wrex was shooting his own assault rifle at the horde, shouting out with a primal war cry that inspired me with its tenacity. _He wasn't waiting for you to give the order, he was in the process of doing it even as you started to order it,_ I reasoned. This errant realization was unhelpful right now, however, so I pushed it aside and started spraying my own bullets at the geth while they were exposed. The closest couple of geth were the first to fall; both before they could even turn around and duck, thanks to our focused fire approach. The rest redeployed masterfully to this sudden surprise attack and found new cover to protect them from our position.

Garrus overloaded the shields of a few geth shock troopers to my right. I let Wrex turn them to mulch while I suppressed the sniper. His weak shields failed quicker than I expected, and I saw his silver life spray the cavern wall behind his nest as he jerked several times and tumbled forward, crashing to the ground several meters away. Satisfied, I joined Wrex in attacking the shock troopers, but was suppressed by the rest of the geth still in the fight, my kinetic barriers pushed to the point of failure. I hid to give them time to recharge. The geth, suppressing all three of us successfully now, began to advance on our position, moving to flank us and finish us off. Wrex carefully switched from assault rifle to shotgun and glared at me with a wicked smile. “Let's get them, Williams.”

I noticed his weapon choice and nodded my head with a smirk of my own. I pulled my shotgun as well. “Garrus, can you overload their rifles temporarily?”

“Yeah,” he answered, working his omni-tool immediately. He ducked out just long enough to fire the tech mine, detonating it right in the faces of the geth. It caused their weapons to short and set off the overload protection circuitry. Their weapons all went blissfully silent as Wrex and I vaulted over our mediocre cover and ran straight at the geth, who scrambled to take cover. It was no use, they'd closed in too tightly on our position, and now they had no time to react. With the powerful kick of the shotgun, I took down the kinetic barriers of one geth and kicked it straight in the chest, knocking it down on its back before firing the second barrage that killed it instantly.

Wrex biotically shoved three geth back, knocking them over as well. He filled their hides with shells in rapid succession. Garrus was up now too, overloading the kinetic barriers of the biggest group of survivors, a trooper and two of his white, shiny shock trooper cousins. Garrus ripped into them with his assault rifle while we finished the others. Together, the three of us finished Garrus' group last, killing the last one even as they regained the use of their weapons. I felt the hits against my armor's kinetic barriers, sending a quiet prayer of thanks for this bit of infantry armor engineering. The three of us wasted none of our kinetic energy, continuing to sweep through the cavern, pretty much running. We covered the whole cavern and confirmed this level was ours.

Feeling the rush of adrenaline and excitement, I could hardly keep from shaking. I stowed the shotgun, still noticeably hot at its barrel, letting it collapse to storage form as I attached it back in place overtop the small of my back. Wrex's biotics surrounded his body in a corona of purple energy, but they slowly dissipated and disappeared entirely as he recovered from his own blood lust.

Garrus, ever the professional, made a report. “Chief Williams, we're in the heart of the Prothean ruins. This is where Liara is supposed to be working. I'm detecting a power source, but I can't trace it. Down the way, there's a mining laser, scaffold, and some form of energy curtain.”

“I see something behind one of those curtains,” Wrex grumbled, gripping his shotgun a little tighter, almost bringing it back up as if he intended to use it at this range.

“Let's go find out,” I ordered. “Check your targets, and make sure you don't expose yourself from cover for long. The geth have shown us the value of that lesson pretty well.” I looked where Wrex had indicated; there was something up there, near the top of the scaffold, behind a blue semitransparent surface.

I led the way, diving from one piece of cover to the next. I could see the rumpled form of the deceased sniper as we closed on where it had landed. Soon I had passed the mining laser and backed up the stairs on the scaffold, pointing my assault rifle towards the blue curtains and scanning for any additional contacts. There weren't many places to hide up on the scaffold, so it was quickly secured as we ascended. I reached the top and headed for the curtain with something beyond it. _It's an asari_ , I noted, somewhat surprised to find someone other than more geth. _Liara?_

“Identify yourself,” I challenged, taking up cover against the wall, right next to where the curtain started. I peeked past, presenting a small target to my potential threat, but still able to see her in her entirety.

The woman seemed to snap at the sound, but her motions were restricted. I could see another energy field surrounding her in a spherical shape, holding her arms and legs pretty much straight out. She gasped, “Hello? Is anyone there?” Her eyes darted back and forth, but they didn't see me.

“Over here,” I prompted. Her eyes locked onto mine with obvious amazement.

“Help me please!” she squeaked. “I'm trapped!”

“In a minute, keep your voice down,” I ordered. “Are you—,” I paused. I shouldn't supply her with the name. _Lying is easier if I provide the crucial details._ “Who are you?”

“My name is Liara T'Soni,” she answered softly. Her voice was a little rough. “I've been trapped here for a very long time; days probably!”

“What are you doing in there?” I asked.

“I was hiding from the geth. I knew the barrier curtains could work and protect me from them. But I must have done something I wasn't supposed to, because it decided I needed to be neutralized!” I hid myself from view. Liara protested weakly, “No! Don't go! Come back, please!” Her pained voice rose in pitch unpleasantly.

Annoyed, I faced her briefly. “I'm not going anywhere, Liara. Just give me a few minutes!” Then I disappeared again without explanation. I tapped my radio to open the channel. “Commander Shepard, I've made contact with Liara T'Soni. She's been hiding from the geth behind an energy field of some kind, but she looks pretty rough. She probably needs fluids and a meal. What's your twenty?”

Shepard's voice came over very clearly—he was using the mako's radio, then. “I'm still outside the ruins; there's geth everywhere. Kaidan, shoot that colossus already!”

“It's reloading,” Kaidan protested loudly enough for the mic to pick up.

“Listen, if the geth keep bringing in dropships the best we can do is keep them busy out here,” Shepard explained. “Get Liara out, and retrace your route to the surface. Once you're aboard the _Normandy_ , we'll pull back and get the hell off this rock.”

“Aye, sir,” I answered, closing my mic. I stepped out from behind my cover and fully faced Liara for the first time. “Ok, we've got to get you out of here,” I explained. “Any ideas, Liara?”

She looked to her left. “This console should shut down the barriers. You'll have to get in here to use it, however. The geth have been trying to find a way into this area, but I'm afraid my plan worked better than I expected.”

Wrex chuckled. “Hey Williams, what about that mining laser? That's a lot of firepower. We can probably cut right through the walls.”

I looked back at the bulky cylindrical laser. “Good thinking, Wrex,” I applauded, then turned to Liara again. “We'll be right back,” I promised, and then turned and left. Liara, her voice scratchy, wisely chose to stay quiet.

We backtracked down the scaffold and over to the mining laser controls. Garrus began uplinking his omni-tool, and then hacked the controls, activating the laser. I heard a low hum that quickly grew into a massive drone as the laser powered up. Soon it shot out, driving right into the ground and cutting its way into the level below Liara's. The whole area disappeared in a cloud of dirt and dust that glowed the dull orange of the laser beam. Garrus shut it down and analyzed the progress. The dirt began to settle, and we saw a deep hole dug into the ground, but it wasn't through yet. Garrus started the laser back up again and cut for a few more seconds. This time, after it was turned off, we could see the interior of the space behind the curtains.

“Nice work, Garrus,” I complemented him, meaning it. We waited a few minutes for the hot rocks to cool enough for us to run through, all of us coughing in the heat and dust still suspended in the air. I pointed to the stairs going up, and we quickly climbed to Liara's level, approaching the control panel. Garrus worked his magic again, hacking into the Prothean technology and shutting down the barriers. As Liara collapsed to the ground free of her prison, the barrier curtains elsewhere fell as well. “We lost them all?” I asked him.

Garrus nodded. “All or nothing, I'm afraid. The curtains throughout this facility are down now.”

“So that krogan might notice and come back,” I reasoned. “Wrex, pick her up if you will? We've got to get out of here _now._ ”

Wrex grumbled under his breath, but sheathed his weapon and hauled Liara up to her feet a little roughly. “Gently!” I warned him at her pained cry. He smiled briefly at me before hefting her like a ten kilogram weight up onto one armor-padded shoulder. With the added complication of the krogan's hump and general size being too wide for a true fireman's carry, Wrex settled for a single-shoulder carry, despite the distance we would have to cover. “Move out!” I ordered, taking point immediately. “Garrus, watch our six!”

“Six?” He looked confused. I paused and looked back, shaking my head in amazement.

“Just watch our backs; I don't want anything sneaking up on us while we hightail it out of here.” I resumed walking immediately, Wrex following, and Garrus as the rearguard.

I set a trotting pace to cover ground more quickly and hoped Wrex would let me know if he had difficulty keeping pace. Every once in a while I would hear him grunt and knew he was still right up there with me. We reached the far end where our entrance into this cavern had first been made. I saw our lights in the distance, still glowing brightly where we'd dropped them. I motioned for Wrex to get inside and hide in the dark, turned, and then I covered Garrus' retreat until he was in the darkness as well.

I walked back, melting into the darkness with my weapon at the ready. I saw the krogan and his geth reemerge from where they'd earlier disappeared. He roared to his synthetic squad, “Spread out and find her! Keep her alive if you can, if not, doesn't matter.”

_Well, what do I do now? If I just run out into the colossus, we'll be routed if the krogan and geth pursue us, instantly flanking us while we fight the tank-sized monstrosity. We'll be dead the minute they arrive. I have to delay them, make sure they can't follow..._

I smiled wanly at first, but it grew into a giddy ear-to-ear smile as my plan formulated in my head. I opened a Velcro'd pocket and pulled out my favorite kind of play dough—C4. I stuck a detonator on it, setting the time for one minute, activated it, and stuck it to the wall above my eye level. I did the same to a second C4 charge, and then ran to the others, scooping up Liara myself in a fireman's carry. She was shocked and seemed to want to protest, but I didn't give her the opportunity, calling out, “MOVE!” even though I knew the krogan and geth would hear me. _With any luck the explosion will take a few of them with it._

Garrus and Wrex scrambled, grabbing their lights and leading the way. I was in the rear, but we didn't have time to worry about covering all the angles now. I ran for all I was worth, and if there had been enough room I would have rushed right past both aliens, but as it was I caught up to them, and then set their pace. I heard a rumble and the ground trembled, reminding me of the arrival of the geth up ahead that we still had to face. I heard rocks crumbling and collapsing behind us, and my teammates picked up their pace ever so slightly. The air began to fill with sand once again, more than it had ever done before.

We came to a halt just before we reached the final turn to cave entrance. Gasping for air, I put Liara down as gently as I could. She moaned painfully and rubbed her neck, obviously jostled quite a bit by our run. I pulled my shotgun, knowing I'd need a weapon with good damage in every round because I wouldn't be able to expose myself to the colossus' fire for long. My breath was infuriatingly remaining just outside my grasp, even as I knelt right where I was and didn't move. I could see Liara looking at me from the corner of my eye, and I turned to look right back.

“Are you all right?” she asked, worried. She coughed on the dust filling the air.

I wondered why she seemed so worried, but I couldn't concentrate. The lack of oxygen in the cave was killing me, and my vision darkened. I couldn't even form a response between beleaguered gasps. “Williams?” I could hear Wrex's question in the way he said my name. My arm, getting too little oxygen itself, gave out, and I collapsed right on my right arm as it still clutched my shotgun. Everything went black.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

 

When I came around, the asari's deep blue eyes were staring right into my own, shocking me. Hers registered concern, and then relief. I pulled myself up to a sitting position and discovered someone had rolled me over and taken off my helmet. Wrex chuckled from behind me somewhere. “Gee, Williams, tired much?”

My body was finally beginning to settle down, and my breathing returned to a very close approximation of normal, even though my throat was raw. “Sitrep,” I ordered.

“Got one baddy between us and the _Normandy,_ ” Wrex reminded me. “A colossus, standing outside the cave waiting for us.”

“Right,” I managed, looking around. I found my helmet and weapon together on my left side. I rolled away from Liara and grabbed them.

“Are you all right?” Liara asked again. I turned and nodded at her.

“Just—passed out. I'm ok now.” I tried to allay her fears, but she didn't seem convinced. She kept watching me even as I ignored her and worked on a plan with my squad.

I turned to Wrex. “Ok, tough guy, what are we going to do about it?”

Wrex was facing just far enough away from me that I could only see a single eye as it gleamed in the dim peripheral light of a chemical flashlight that was not quite pointed in his direction. “Well, since you collapsed the cave back there and none of the geth made it to this side, I'm pretty sure our 'six' will be secure for some time. We just need to overcome that colossus. Good thinking, by the way.”

I smiled appreciatively. “Ok. So what you're saying is you've got nothing.”

Wrex balked, and then smirked. “Hardly. I say we charge it old-school. If Garrus can short out its big plasma cannon for a few seconds, it'll give us the chance to run out past it to cover on the far side. We hole up there and lay down some random fire until our eyes adjust, and then we concentrate on ending that thing.”

“Can a colossus see us in the dark?” I asked. “Does it have infrared vision?”

“Who knows,” Garrus replied. “No one's seen them beyond the Perseus Veil in almost three hundred years.”

“The problem is there's a real lack of cover and maneuverability near the cave mouth,” Wrex explained. “We'll be mowed down if it can see us, and we'll still have to be damn lucky even if it shoots randomly.”

“Not to mention the threat of another cave in,” I recalled. “Ok. Let's rush it. Garrus, confident you can shut down it's gun for a few precious seconds?”

“No problem, Chief Williams,” Garrus answered. “Just tell me when.”

“All right. We're going to stick to Wrex's plan. When it sees us and spins around to shoot at us, that's when you short it. Wrex and I will fire a few into its armored belly while we run past. Liara, can you sprint with us?” I shook my head, changing my mind. “No, never mind. You have no kinetic barriers; you'll be dead in an instant. You stay here until we've killed that monstrosity.”

Liara nodded meekly. She didn't look like she had enough energy to lift a finger, much less access her biotics. Feeling bad for her, I pulled an MRE and handed it to her. “I don't know if your digestive system will be particularly happy with human food, much less MRE's, but there's a lot of calories in here. Eat it.”

“You want me to eat while you fight for your very life?” she asked, utterly appalled. “Are you mad?”

“No, but I will be if you don't do what I say,” I snapped back irritably. “Look, I don't need you passing out on me. You haven't eaten in a long time, and that makes me worry. I need you to be able to move quickly on your own.”

“You passed out yourself not even five minutes ago!”

“I'm better now,” I retorted, first angry, and then smirking at the irony of it all. She had a point, after all. “Don't worry about me; I'll be fine.” I looked back to Garrus. “Help me up.”

Garrus extended a hand and hauled me to my feet. I placed my helmet back securely in place and picked up the shotgun, checking it over. It seemed undamaged. I nodded in approval. “Let's do this. The less time it takes us, the better our chances.” I radioed Shepard again. “Commander, we've got a geth cutting us off from the surface. I think we can take it. Contact you when we're clear. Williams out.”

Wrex stood up to his full height, looking rather scary as an almost amorphous black figure with very slight contrast to the blackness surrounding us. “Now you can use the batteries,” I directed them. “Move on three. Two. One. Now!” The three of us rushed around the bend and ran straight for the bright light at the end of the tunnel. My eyes were pained by the sudden assault, but I brushed tears aside as I ran.

The colossus turned around to face us just as we reached the mouth, hearing us coming for it. Garrus launched a tech mine immediately and detonated it, which overloaded its weapon systems temporarily. We ran around its left side and continued to the better cover beyond it, quickly diving out of sight. The colossus chirped a message to his compatriots before overcoming the overload and firing on our cover, spraying bits of rock everywhere. My eyes hurt and watered like mad. I tinted the visor as dark as it could go, and continued to swipe away at the tears.

I continued to face away from my target, but lifted my weapon over the top of the rock and took a few random shots in the colossus' direction after it fired another bolt of plasma. I had no way to know if any of them hit. I withdrew the weapon back to my side. My eyes were finally adjusting—unhappy, but adjusting. I peeked over the cover and saw Wrex already in a back-and-forth firefight. I joined in, firing shotgun shells that I watched get absorbed by its kinetic barriers.

“Garrus, take its shields next!” I ordered. Garrus prepared another tech mine and fired it right at the base of the beast's long neck. It attached and detonated; a flash of white that stripped an impressive portion of kinetic barrier shielding in a single strike. All three of us kept pouring on the pain, only ducking when another slow ball of plasma was about to be ejected our way. Its kinetic barriers failed, and I began to see Garrus' rifle bullets ripping into its armored hide.

The three of us put enough holes into its armor to make it sponge-like. Its feet slid out from under it, and it collapsed hard enough to rumble the ground of the immediate area. Its neck collapsed last; it seemed to fight against the loss of consciousness as much as it could; its blue eye going dark finally. The three of us approached cautiously, placing several more rounds into its head specifically to make sure it was fully dead.

I went back and got Liara, noticing she'd not eaten anything yet. I ripped open the packet of crackers and gave them to her. Then brought her up to her feet and picked up the rest of the unpacked meal myself. We came back into the sunlight, but it wasn't so bad for me this time. As Liara's eyes adjusted, she ate the food I'd given her, and every time she did, I'd pass something else into her hands.

“ _Normandy_ , this is Williams requesting immediate evac. Drop zone is secure, repeat, drop zone is secure.”

Joker's entirely too jovial voice answered me, “Be right there Chief. ETA eight minutes.”

I saw the _Normandy_ as a spec just at the horizon at first, but it quickly came up on us, and came to a hover above us. Over the radio, I ordered, “Deploy three harnesses and the rescue stretcher.” Closing the radio, I explained to my squad, “Now we're going in reverse. We're attaching ourselves to the rope, and they'll winch us up. I'm putting Liara on the stretcher.”

They seemed to get what I was saying, and I showed them the procedure to appropriately fasten themselves at the base of the ropes. As soon as they were ready and Liara laid flat on the stretcher, I ordered the winches on. The ropes were retracted, and soon we were all hanging at the mako door; helpful crew mates pulling us all inside starting with Liara. The _Normandy_ swept up and away, heading to pick up Shepard and the mako.

I reached out and led Liara by hand, pulling and leading her through the mass of people to the elevator, intending to take her to the med bay. Soon as the doors closed, she thanked me privately. “Chief Williams, I am in your debt. You saved my life. I cannot imagine what the geth would have done if they had captured me.”

“Probably taken you to Saren's aide.” I mumbled. Speaking up audibly, I welcomed her. “It was no problem, Liara. Do you go by Liara? Or Maiden? Something like that?”

“Many asari do use the traditional titles of Maiden, Matron, and Matriarch when in formal company, but Liara suits me best. What should I call you?”

“The same with 'Chief Williams.' Just call me Ashley otherwise,” I answered. The doors opened then, and I led her to the med bay. Dr. Chakwas greeted us as we came in.

“Gunnery Chief, would you care to introduce our guest?” she prompted me. I nodded, reaching up with both hands and detaching my helmet. I held it underneath my right arm, gesturing towards each woman in turn with my open left palm.

“Maiden Liara, this is Doctor Chakwas. Doctor, this is Liara T'Soni. She's been deprived of food and drink for a long time, and she was barely there on the surface. Thought you'd better check her out.”

“I would rather wait to see an asari doctor,” Liara confessed. “Nothing personal, Doctor Chakwas, but I cannot expect you to know much about my physiology.”

Chakwas smiled. “No offense taken, but you misjudge me. I've been trained as a doctor for humans, asari, and a host of other alien races. You'd be surprised, how much medical training is the same between one race and another. Trust me, I know what I'm doing. You'll see.”

“All right, if you insist,” Liara said hesitantly. I nodded to Chakwas, knowing I was dismissed so she could concentrate on Liara's physical. I spun about on my heels and walked past Liara to leave. “Wait!” She reached out, pulling back on my shoulder.

I turned around. “Yeah?”

“Where are you going?” she inquired lowly, sounding apprehensive. She turned to Chakwas, who was regarding us with a questioning look. Liara's mind seemed to race behind her eyes for an answer, and then she explained, “I watched Chief Williams collapse on the surface. She was unconscious for several minutes.”

I hated her instantly, retorting, “Hey! Not true! It couldn't have been more than a couple of seconds!”

“Williams?” I looked to Chakwas, who rested her hands on her hips in a disapproving gesture. “Something you want to share with me?”

I sighed, turning to face the two women again. “Ok, so I went a little unconscious. Just a little though. I'm fine,” I defended.

“Well, as long as it's only a 'little' unconscious,” Chakwas quipped sarcastically. “Ashley, you know procedure. I have to check you out, too. What caused you to lose consciousness?”

I gulped. _This is going to reflect negatively on you! But it's not like you can count on the aliens to lie about it for your career's sake._ “I—uh—hyperventilated after a particularly gruesome sprint while in a cave. It wasn't what you think, though, because the air was full of dust. It was hard to breathe as it was, much less after basically outrunning a cave-in!”

Chakwas gestured to a couple of her beds. “Take a seat, both of you.” Her voice was firm.

I groaned and complied, defeated. I set the helmet down at the foot of the biobed. Liara sat on the bed next to mine, facing me. She looked imploringly at me, as if asking for me to forgive her. I merely scowled. She seemed upset, which suited me just fine.

Chakwas extended the privacy curtain around herself and Liara to break my death stare. I sighed, kicking up and spinning around so I could lie properly on the bed. As I looked up at the ceiling, I folded my hands together atop my stomach and tried to remind myself to be patient.

The exam lasted quite some time before the curtain was suddenly withdrawn. I glanced over neutrally, watching Liara take a slip with something written on it and stand up to leave. She studiously avoided my gaze as I watched her go.

“What am I going to do with you?” Chakwas asked, amused. “Williams, you aren't supposed to hide things from your doctor. I'm only here to help you.”

“No, you're here to help me and report back to command how much help I need,” I replied. “At which time they're going to make a judgment about what sort of postings I would be most valuable doing.”

She scoffed. “Really, you make it sound as if we're out to get you, Chief. Paranoia isn't attractive.”

My turn to scoff, but I didn't feel like explaining why to her. _The truth is they're always out to discredit the Williams'. I'm never going to get a chance, am I? Stupid, stupid Ash! You should have recognized the signs, calmed your nerves. Why'd you get all bent out of shape anyway? Well, now you're going to pay for it._

“Take off the armor,” Chakwas instructed. Mechanically, I complied with her order and began breaking off the tough ceramic-and-composite shell that surrounded my body. The kinetic barrier disengaged completely as the first disconnects occurred. In short order I was dressed only in the form-fitting, meshed fiber material that served as further protection from anything that managed to make it past the barriers and the composite armor plates. It wasn't much for protection on its own, but I still wanted to have it, as anything is a lot better than nothing.

The material of this final layer was thick, but I found it was like heavy clothing as it still bent easily and possessed no hard, unbending parts—unlike the plates of the actual armor. The privacy curtain was closed in case someone should enter while the exam was ongoing. Chakwas started with my eyes and her pen light. “Good pupil response,” she noted quietly.

I was beginning to calm down. I still knew I was probably screwed for life now, but I resigned myself to let whatever was going to happen, do just that. It was out of my control now. I heard the door to the med bay open again, and Liara called out, “Dr. Chakwas, would you mind if I ate this meal in here?” she asked hesitantly.

Chakwas called out past the curtain, “That's all right, Liara. Just don't make a mess and it'll be fine.” Numbly, I complied with whatever Chakwas wanted me to do, hold out an arm here, test a reflex there, until finally my exam was finished as well. She allowed me to start replacing my hard armor suit as it was easier than carrying the pieces anyway. Chakwas left, drawing the curtain mostly shut behind her, but there was a gap that she neglected to notice. As I worked the straps, I spied Liara sitting on the same bed she'd been on earlier, facing out away from the wall, forming a ninety degree angle between my eye-line and hers. She looked almost inconsolably depressed. I froze where I was, arms still awkwardly positioned where they had been connecting the armor.

I broke free from my reverie just as Liara brought some food to her lips. I looked away, scowling at myself. I finished replacing my armor and spun the curtain away myself. “Liara,” I greeted her civilly. She looked over, very meek and repentant, and stopped eating. I gave her a wan smile. “It's ok, I'm not mad,” I assured her. “I just—don't like physicals.” It was at least a partially plausible excuse.

I left her to her food and headed back to deck three to grab a shower and switch from armor to a casual uniform. The water was hot, which I throughly enjoyed. I let go of all my worries for six minutes or so, before finally deciding if I stayed any longer the other people sharing the communal showers would begin to notice my indulgence. Feeling refreshed, I toweled off and dressed quickly. Shepard was aboard by now, and the _Normandy_ was probably putting considerable distance between itself and Therum. Doubtless he'd want to debrief me on the mission and talk with Liara himself.

I was right—less than ten minutes after my shower, I was sitting once again to one side of the Spectre as the rest of his team wandered into the comm room and took chairs. Liara was among the first to enter, and she returned my smile and took a seat next to mine. We both watched the rest of the gang wander in and grab chairs—Tali last of all.

Shepard wasted no time. “Liara, what do you know about your mother's activities with Saren?”

“Saren? Isn't he a Spectre?” she asked, surprised.

Daniel nodded. “A _rogue_ Spectre. We have an audio recording of Lady Benezia talking with him in regards to an attack on Eden Prime and references to a larger plan that is apparently still ongoing. I need to find him and stop him before he can do any more damage.”

Liara nodded, “I agree wholeheartedly, Commander. However, I know nothing of Benezia's involvement with Saren. We have not spoken in many years, and this is very unlike my mother.”

“Tali, play the recording,” he replied. The room was filled with Saren and Benezia's voices.

Liara seemed shocked and disconcerted at her mother's words. “I don't believe it,” Liara whispered quietly. She looked down at her hands in her lap, quiet.

_Time to bring up Shepard's vision on Eden Prime. I practically memorized that report..._ “Saren's looking for something called the Conduit,” I informed her. “It's a Prothean invention mentioned in the beacon on Eden Prime. Shepard thinks he saw it in the vision the beacon gave him.”

“You were touched by actual working Prothean technology?” Liara asked Shepard, surprised. She refocused a moment later. “I'm sorry, but I know nothing about this Conduit's location,” Liara answered. Her eyes went unfocused and she withdrew; she was lost in thought. “This is so awful!” Her voice held conviction behind it, but I could tell from the way it fell off: she was having a difficult time with this revelation.

“What about its purpose?”

Liara returned to the present just enough to answer Shepard's question. “I do not know, Commander. The Protheans left remarkably little behind. It is almost as if someone went through the galaxy after they were wiped out and removed all the evidence they could find. It makes my work extremely difficult.”

“I have a theory about that,” Shepard offered.

Liara was quick to answer back, “Believe me, Commander, I've heard every theory there is for why the Protheans' galactic empire crumbled.”

“I think you'll like this one,” he countered. “They were wiped out by a machine race called the Reapers. The beacon told me.” Shepard's brow furrowed in concentration. I guessed he was reliving the vision again, trying to pull everything from it that he could understand. “Whatever this Conduit does, we need to find it before Saren. If you don't know anything, Liara, I don't see what help you'll be on this mission. I can take you back to the Citadel.”

“No!” she protested, looking up at Shepard imploringly. _She seems to do that look very well,_ I noted privately, grateful I wouldn't have to be the one to stand up against it. “Saren may still come after me. I can think of no where safer than here on the _Normandy_. And I have extensive knowledge about other aspects of the Protheans and their culture. I may still be helpful.”

“Her biotics would be helpful in a fight,” Wrex noted. “Kaidan and I are no match for an asari when it comes down to biotic strength.”

Shepard considered it. “Room is limited aboard this ship, but you make a good case, and the ship can handle one more. Saren obviously knows a lot more about the Protheans than I do. I need to remove his advantage. Welcome to the _Normandy_ , Liara.” Briefly, I imagined Pressley's eye roll, if he had been here to see Liara offered the chance to stay.

“Thank you.” She smiled gratefully. “I will assist you any way I can.”

“Chief Williams, hook up our asari with some human armor that fits her when we get back to the Citadel. Check with our requisition officer, he'll know where to look.”

I nodded. Shepard addressed the rest of us as a group, “We've got a madman on the lose and no leads. I want you all to keep your eyes sharp. The moment a geth sets foot on an asteroid, I want to hear about it. We'll have to pick up his trail when he makes his next move.”

There were quiet acknowledgments of the order, and the meeting was adjourned. Everyone filed out, but Shepard called me back just before I left. Liara looked concerned, but otherwise walked out along with the rest. I faced my CO with as much professionalism as I could muster.

Right now it was time to find out what would come of Chakwas' report in the short term. Daniel didn't seem overly upset, but I refused to let my hopes rise just yet. He waited for everyone else to leave before speaking. “I received a medical report from Chakwas. Seems you lost consciousness for a brief moment or two in the cave.”

I nodded.

He smiled. “Don't worry, I'm not going to crucify you over it. Chakwas' report makes it quite clear the air was less than breathable at the time. She indicated both you and Liara got a very serious dose of dust, sand, and whatever else was down there. She says your body overreacted to the allergens. She also said she doesn't anticipate further problems due to the unique circumstances.”

_This sounds encouraging_ , I noted. “It was hard to breathe,” I explained. “I'm just glad we made it out of there.”

Daniel nodded. “You did good, marine. I want you to know that. It couldn't have been easy to fight your way both in and out of that place, but you got the job done, and that's what's important. I know I was pretty short with you when we first met, but I had the wrong impression about you. I'm sorry for being so critical after Eden Prime, and I'm very glad you've proven me wrong. Great work today.”

“Thank you, Sir,” I answered, smiling.

“Dismissed, Chief.” Daniel Shepard watched as I turned and walked out.

I found Liara waiting for me outside. I nodded politely, letting her fall into step with me as we descended the stairs to deck two. “Are you all right, Chief Williams?” she asked. “Is this about what I said to your doctor? I'm very sorry about that—,” she tried to say.

“No, no,” I cut her off. “It's not that. Really, don't worry about it. I was just briefing Commander Shepard on my half of the mission independently.”

“Oh, of course, how could I be so dense? I'm sorry, Ashley. I am not familiar with human customs. It has been a difficult adjustment to make aboard this ship, thus far.”

“No one's blaming you,” I supplied willingly. “I'd be just as socially awkward on an asari ship, I'm sure. It's foreign to everything about how I was raised or taught. I'd be a fish out of water.”

“I'm not so sure that is it. I've seen the way the crew looks at me, even in the short time I've been aboard. They do not trust me. I overheard one whisper to another that I'm 'Benezia's daughter'. They must think I am a spy.”

“No one thinks that, Liara.” _No one but Pressley, and I suppose me to a lesser degree. I mean, I wouldn't claim she_ is _one—that would be foolhardy—but there_ is _the possibility, isn't there? Does this mean I look at her the same way as the rest of the crew? With suspicion and distrust? Apparently I hide it well._

She seemed to lighten slightly at the sentiment. “I only hope it gets better soon. It would be much smoother—nicer.”

I couldn't help but agree with that. “Don't worry, you'll get used to our intricacies, I think. Just takes time.”

“Ashley?” she asked, and I heard her stop walking at the base of the stairs. I turned around and took a few steps back towards her. She looked right into my eyes, and for a moment I panicked that she might be able to read my very soul with her piercing gaze. “What is the real reason you were so upset in the medical bay?”

“What makes you think I was lying?” I asked weakly. As for letting her call me out on the lie, I blamed her steady look, as she seemed to be have an insight that would let her see past any decent lies I might tell.

“So you admit you were lying!?” she demanded sternly.

_She was fishing. You fell for it!_ “I—You didn't know? You were just—guessing?” I could hardly believe it; her eyes were so confident at the time.

“I had a suspicion. The real question is why you lied.”

I shrugged. “Not your business, Doctor T'Soni. Why do you care anyway?”

“You lied to me, of course it is my business!” Liara exclaimed. More reserved, she added, “I don't want to offend. I merely seek to understand you, and your people.” I didn't really buy her excuse, but didn't know that I wanted to dig any deeper into it, either.

“Look, if you want to find out about humanity, then look at the Commander. He's the first human Spectre; he's the one representing humanity to the Citadel races. I'm—just a soldier.” I turned and left her standing at the base of the stairs, climbing in the elevator and taking it down to deck three.

I went directly to my workbench and began looking over and checking all the weapons used on the surface of Therum. They should only need a little TLC to be ready to be placed in storage. I spied Wrex approaching and turned to face him. He spoke first, “I have to say, I'm not used to fighting alongside females. Krogan women never leave home these days, always focused on trying to get pregnant.”

“What, they double as nymphs?”

“As what?” Wrex asked. He didn't let me answer, continuing, “No, the genophage infecting my people makes pregnancy difficult. Only a few in a thousand reach full term and survive to join the krogan ranks.”

I gave my tongue a soft bite as punishment before answering. “I'm sorry to hear that.” I was mildly ashamed for my rather calloused joke now, and was glad Wrex hadn't understood it for what it was. Or if he did, certainly didn't let it bother him any.

“I have to say, it gives the fight a different flavor.” He laughed. I smiled, resuming work on the assault rifle on my desk.

“'Battles have flavors.' I have to say, Wrex, I never would have thought of that.”

“But it's true, isn't it?” he pressed.

I nodded. “Sure. Battles engage all your senses, really. There's the smell of the heated mass effect driver and the enemy's fear. The loud rumble of firing weapons and quiet snap of a twig as someone approaches your flank. The taste of your own blood and fear as you know it's them or you. The tactile connection to the environment surrounding the engagement—be it cold moss on a rock or hot sand in a desert. The sight of lining up your best shot with all the skill and speed you possess, while you constantly watch the peripheral to sustain your awareness. I could go on.”

Wrex agreed with a quiet head tilt. “Absolutely. See, Williams, you get it.”

I looked at him quizzically. “What's that supposed to mean?”

Wrex smiled toothily. His teeth were all razor sharp. In the light of my desk lamp, they looked menacing the way they gleamed. “If it weren't for you, I'd think this ship was full of nothing but posers. You pick an army—any army—to show me, and I can tell you which members are false rookies and which are true warriors. Part of why I prefer to work on my own, or with a small group, because that way I'm never stuck with the fakers.”

“What about Shepard?” I asked candidly, but I immediately questioned my decision to ask. _No, it's important I find out where he stands when it comes to our Commander. Pressley ordered me to._

Wrex's smile was still there, taking on a slightly self-satisfied air. “You really want to know?”

I thought about it as I glanced around the room. We were the only ones in earshot. To get him started, I answered, “He's a capable commanding officer; the commander at Torfan, which was a very grim business, but it shows he'll go to any length to complete a mission. I think he believes in the Systems Alliance with all his heart. You can't be a good warrior without heart.”

Wrex nodded. “All very true, but if you want to know if he's a true warrior, you need to look past all that surface crap. You need to see him in the moment, during the fight. Then you can judge him.”

I remembered the debriefing reports. Shepard's had said that he met Wrex as a part of a lead from the Shadow Broker agent, Barla Von. Wrex had joined him, and together they'd rescued Tali by capturing an unscrupulous, greedy man named Fist. “You joined him on the Citadel, didn't you?” I asked. “When you took down Fist and stopped his assassins from killing Tali on Saren's behalf? Seems to me you should know the answer already.”

“A small sample of combat, of course,” Wrex answered. “But why should I tell you? I've formed my first impression about Shepard. I want to know yours before its affected by knowing mine.”

“Testing me again?” I asked warily.

He nodded big as if it was something for which to be immensely proud. “Consider it a way of gauging our perceptions. Seeing just how much we agree or disagree, as the case may be.”

“Not sure if I should want to agree with you or not, Wrex,” I answered truthfully, smirking. “I'm not saying you're bad or anything, but a person like you is not cut out for the Systems Alliance military. And if I'm too much like you, I won't get past Gunnery Chief; for that matter, I probably shouldn't even _be_ a noncommissioned officer.”

“Well, if it saves me having to memorize new ranks, I'm all for it.” Wrex chuckled, turning to leave. “Keep your eyes on our fearless leader, Chief. I promise it will be enlightening.”

“Right,” I mumbled under my breath. _Not like I'm not already keeping my eye on everybody else._

I completed my tasks and headed for the sleeper pods. Counting down the rows, I found pod number eight and grabbed the door without giving it another glance. When it refused to open at my tug, I refocused on the occupancy indicator; someone was inside. I looked in, confused. This was my sleep shift; there shouldn't be anyone inside. Checking the pod's registry, I quickly determined the culprit was one Liara T'Soni. I grumbled and checked the other pods; they were all filled. Part of me wanted to wake her up and kick her out, but then I remembered what she'd been through; stuck in midair for days without food or water, much less anything remotely comfortable for sleeping. _She is probably under Doctor's orders to get some rest, for crying out loud, Ash. Don't complain, be thankful it wasn't_ you _trapped down there all alone for days._ I left her there and went into the mess, although I wasn't hungry. Finding a seat next to Lieutenant Alenko, I took it and slowly ate a couple crackers I'd grabbed for appearance's sake.

“Not hungry, Chief?” Alenko always seemed to love pointing out the obvious. He, on the other hand, had his tray filled with foods. _No one in their right mind gets that hungry for standard military culinary creations._

“Not really, El-Tee. You planning on feeding an army later, or what?” I baited him with a smirk.

He looked down self-consciously at his plate for the merest of moments before meeting my eyes again. He shrugged, “I know it looks like a lot, but it's just me keeping up with my biotics. They drain a lot of calories fast.”

“Judging by how well you can scarf down that meatloaf, I'd have to agree.”

Kaidan coughed into one hand. “Don't make me laugh while I'm eating, Chief,” he warned.

I chuckled. “Sorry, El-Tee.”

He finished swallowing another mouthful before speaking again. “Biotics is like training yourself to eat anything just for the sake of the energy you get from it. It can taste like pure cardboard, and you'll eat enough of it to make anyone sick, just because you have to. I swear, it's the military's deep, dark secret plan to eventually make everyone biotic so no one complains about the food anymore.”

I laughed. “Only hole in that theory is, wouldn't it be easier to just give us real food?”

He chuckled good-naturedly. “Agreed.”

I'd long since finished my crackers, and with the quiet empty space seeping into the conversation, I decided to just politely excuse myself. I found my way to the officer in charge of duty shifts. I asked about Liara and my bunk. He apologized, saying he'd meant to track me down and explain. She needed the quiet to be able to rest and someone had to relinquish a pod. He offered to let me fill out a request for reassignment, but for now, the sickbay bunks were my assigned “sleeping quarters.” I decided I could give it a try before filing the request. _I'll only be displacing someone else into the same situation I'm in now. Maybe it's about time I got over my aversion to the medical bay._

Leaving him, I began to wander the ship again. I eventually made it to the med bay; the _Normandy_ was too small to avoid it for long. Chakwas was out; there was a different doctor manning the room. Still nothing for them to do, however, as everyone was fit as a fiddle, apparently. I picked out the bed furthest from the door, and then walked to the doctor.

I was surprised to learn Adela Tate was a nurse only; it seemed Chakwas was the _only_ full-fledged doctor aboard. She granted me the use of the bed when I explained mine had been claimed by the ship's newest member. She dimmed the lights by the bed, and I drew the privacy curtain around me, laying on my back and pulling up the lightweight, sterile-white sheets. It was still too bright for my tastes, but I'd learned to sleep in uncomfortable places before, as sometimes it might be necessary. _This is just another necessity_ , I told myself, closing my eyes. It seemed to take a very long while before sleep finally took over.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 

_Normandy_ returned to her berth at the Citadel once again. Shepard already had several interviews lined up, including one with the Council concerning Saren's disappearance since Therum. Hopefully, this stop would be more than just further downtime, but there was no way to know. Meantime, I had to make sure we were ready once we found the slippery bastard. That meant getting Liara some serious armor so she could lend her expertise and biotics to the field.

The Normandy Requisition Officer's instructions for finding human armor were to “check section 31-B of the Ward markets.” Navigating the huge Citadel station took me a while, but I managed. Upon arriving at 31-B with Liara T'Soni close behind, I discovered with minor surprise that it was like a small piece of Eden Prime on the Citadel.

The entire place was filled with human merchant shops. There were still aliens about, but by and large humans outnumbered all others here. The strange predominance of humanity made Liara stand out in the crowd. She seemed just as shocked as I was by the sight. “This looks more like a human colony than the Citadel I remember,” Liara told me. “Of course, the last time I was here, was before humanity had even been encountered, but still!”

I smiled. I could smell onions sautéing at a restaurant to my right. Straight ahead, along either side of the wide path for foot traffic, were snack bars, store windows, and advertisements competing for my attention. The path was packed tight with people traveling in either direction. The noise level was noticeable, but the dull rumble of thousands of conversations joined together in a harmonious whole that agreed with my ear.

As I finished taking in the scene, I finally replied to her statement. “We can move in pretty fast once we find someplace we fit.”

Liara didn't reply. I was slightly surprised when I felt her hand seeking out my own. The first thing that came clearly to mind had nothing to do with the potential meaning behind the gesture. _Wow, I know she works with rocks constantly, but it seems the work doesn't callous her hands as it would mine—they seem soft enough to have never done an hour's work in their lifetime._ She linked our hands together firmly, and then lead me to one of the shops with lightweight armor on display. My concentration was still entirely devoted to analyzing the unexpected fact we were holding hands like some kind of couple; I completely blanked on what the proprietor said in greeting.

Liara covered for me without knowing she had. “Hello, Gabriel. I'm looking for some lightweight armor that fits me.”

“Not often I see an asari looking for human armor.” The five foot seven inch, wiry, middle-aged man stared only momentarily at our linked hands. I would have let go at this reminder, but Liara didn't seem so inclined. Gabriel had a great many patrons browsing in his store who occasionally bumped into us as we talked with him because Liara wouldn't allow us to be separated and move out of the way. I didn't see the big deal; this was hardly fighting back against a mob, but then again I wasn't asking her to let go, either.

To me, he asked, “You'll have to tell me how you managed to get her to agree to try human armor. I've tried to get asari hooked on human manufacturers before; never worked. I tell them, 'We're the same body types, so it's the same fit, just a different brand.' Or 'Try it; you might even like it better'. Nothing.” Looking to Liara now, he switched topics, “I've got some great Ursa light, came in just yesterday.” Gabriel led us deeper into his store, showing us a changing room we could use to try it on. There were fewer people back here; most were apparently not looking seriously enough to consider trying on the expensive suits of armor.

Liara accepted the armor Gabriel offered, taking it to the changing room after finally freeing my hand. I waited just outside the changing room; I couldn't help myself, so I stared at my hand while she was gone. It was still very warm from the feeling of another hand resting in it. Eventually, I caught a funny look from the shopkeep and dropped my hands to my sides, muttering to remind myself to stop acting like a fool. _There's a rational explanation for this. We've barely even met._

Gabriel politely dismissed himself to go attend the front once again. Liara came out a few minutes later wearing the Ursa light armor. By casual visual inspection, it seemed to fit her lithe form quite well. However, appearances could often be deceiving, and I needed to make sure this armor was a natural extension of her body in all respects so it wouldn't get in her way during the heat of battle.

I stepped within arms' reach, asking for her permission, “Let me check the connections.”

I received no objection; she seemed perfectly willing to let me step into her personal space. My hands automatically traced the pieces clinically at first, making sure each connection was properly adjusted. Not wanting to walk around her, I slid my hands down to her hips and gave a slight push, encouraging her to spin slowly within my embrace. The image of watching her spin was instantly locked into my memory. I could see myself turning in a boyfriend's arms just like this, reveling in the touch. My heart did a flip, and I drew back like my hands had been scalded when I realized what I'd just done. I felt my cheeks become inflamed. _You don't touch people like that, Ashley! Not unless you're—you're coupled. Why did you_ do _that?_

“Ashley?” she asked, ending her spinning motion once she faced me again. She seemed confused at my sudden withdraw.

I met her blue eyes briefly and managed, “Just trying to take in a wider angle, Liara. How does it fit?”

“It is quite comfortable,” she stated. “Although, it is somewhat more restrictive than the asari armors I have occasionally used.”

I nodded, delving into my mental stores of tactical data for something, just to keep the topic off of certain—uncomfortable—events that had just transpired. “There's more ceramic plates in human armor than in typical asari armor. Works better at stopping bullets, but it means a little less maneuverability; specifically, bending from side to side.”

Thoughtfully, Liara questioned, “Is there some reason your requisition officer chose human armor? The asari have made armor for our bodies for centuries. Many brands are extremely effective works of defensive technology.”

“Yeah, but the Systems Alliance doesn't get price reductions from buying _their_ armors.”

“And since human women and asari share almost identical body construction, they want me to buy a human brand to save money.”

“That's what I figure,” I agreed.

She spun around in it once more, checking herself in a floor mirror. I stole another look at Liara's curves as she moved about effortlessly, testing her range of motion. _You're staring!_ My gaze shot away, looking to a wall that had other stored armors on it, seeking something else on which to focus. Anything to distract me from thinking about my hands holding her at the hip. Ironically, she added, “I think it's too loose around my breasts.”

I steadfastly resolved not to let my momentary lapse ruin what should be a productive and not at all awkward shopping excursion. I explained, “You can get different pads for the inside; they start hollow to fit women with larger busts, and let you fill it in with padding until it grips you—appropriately.” _It was just a lapse, right!? Dear God I can't be thinking about her this way, can I? How could this happen? Make it stop! Ignore it! It'll go away._

Liara accepted what I told her without comment, and then disappeared in the changing room again, removing everything above her dusty uniform from Therum and giving Gabriel his armor back. “I think we should keep looking,” she explained to me, grabbing me by one hand and dragging me along once again.

_You shouldn't let her hold your hand, Ash._ The little voice in my head was ignored in favor of considering the rather comfortable feeling of her slight hand in mine. I missed gentle contact. Since my self-decided exile from dating, the only real touching came solely from training and fighting; vicious impacts that held no comfort in them. _Just for a little bit. Just so I can remember what it feels like. I can handle this. She'll never know._

Together we checked out several other armors from a few other shops. The Requisition Officer's guidelines for prices left us with much fewer options than we actually tried on, and after another two hours of fruitless searching, we went back to Gabriel and bought his Ursa armor on the Alliance's tab. As we made our way through the packed wards once again, I asked her, “Why do you hold hands with me, Liara?”

She looked at me strangely. “Why wouldn't I, Ashley?” she asked innocently.

_Because it isn't right to be this intimate this fast. But you're the one who wants it to be, Ash. You miss intimacy. Don't you? Maybe I'm just reading too much into this._ I couldn't tell her. “Hungry?”

“Famished,” she agreed.

“Good, let's grab some real food while we're free of the _Normandy_.” I asked a few humans nearby for some good eats and was pointed towards an establishment known as “Jenny's Citadel Truck Stop.” We ordered some breakfast items for lunch: pancakes with syrup and hash browns. I figured pancakes were a safe bet, and her reaction to fried food would be memorable either way.

While we waited, conversation centered mostly around humans. Liara had an endless supply of questions. “Since you asked about hand-holding, I've been looking around at other humans. It is much more rare than I anticipated. Why do so few humans engage in it?”

“Well, it's not like we don't,” I defended. “We just do it less often. Usually people holding hands means they're related as parent-sibling, or they are—involved with each other.”

“I'm sorry, 'involved'?”

Our waiter delivered the food. I quickly showed Liara what the syrup, sugar, and the rest was for, and then began dressing my pancakes thickly in maple syrup. _I don't get syrup often enough,_ I decided. After the waiter left, I answered her question. “Uh, well, 'involved' is complicated. It—means a lot of things.” _That's lame, Ash. Real lame._

“Like?” she pressed relentlessly.

To buy time I took a bite of pancakes and chewed. When I could delay no longer, I swallowed, and then smiled. _Just say it like it doesn't matter that much to you. Pretend it's just a normal everyday thing._ “Involved means that the people are coupled: dating, or sleeping together, sometimes both.”

Liara's eyebrows shot up in very real surprise, or was it panic? “Romantic interest?”

“Yes,” I stated evenly. “It's just the way human society developed around the issue of hand-holding. Don't know that I can explain how or why; it's just the way it is.”

“That surprises me, Ashley. I can't say I expected that. In my culture, hand-holding is very—casual. It is done between all friends, especially when leading a friend through crowded areas. It's a matter of courtesy.”

“Well, isn't that something,” I replied, smiling. _I knew it. You're feeling better now, aren't you? Not so guilty and dirty. It meant nothing at all! No one was hurt, and you got to feel close, at least for a few minutes in the crowded wards. I never realized how much I missed just holding hands..._ To excuse the silence, we both spent some time just eating quietly.

Liara had another question, I could tell. The woman never seemed able to hide anything. “So, when we held hands today—you thought I had romantic feelings for you?”

I balked, my earlier good feelings threatening to disappear behind confusion and fear. “Oh, no, of course not. I mean, that's what I thought at first, but then I began to think about it, and like you said, we're from different cultures and everything; so I just figured it could mean anything or nothing to you.”

“Yet you did not pull away,” Liara continued.

“No reason to,” I explained, “Because it didn't mean anything. Like you just told me.”

“You didn't know that at the time.”

“I—suspected.” I searched for some way to disarm the conversation. “Anyway, now that we got that all cleared up, what do you think of the pancakes? Good, huh?”

Liara shared a wide smile that filled me with general hope and happiness. She nodded excitedly. “I _do_ like them; they remind me of a Thessian dish, but Camadia does not have maple syrup to add to it.” She grinned conspiratorially.

I laughed, returning the grin. “That's too bad. Now you know what you've been missing.”

The conversation remained carefree for the rest of our meal. Hash browns did not appeal to Liara's tastes at all, as her face contorted with the first taste. I laughed at her reaction and offered to finish the rest of them. When our meal was finished and paid for, we moved towards the _Normandy_. Liara thanked me for the conversation specifically during lunch. She also made a point of grabbing my hand again. I put up no resistance, but decided to lead her this time. She carried her armor in a sack in her other hand, slung over her shoulder to help with the weight and bulk. After we got to the elevator back up to the _Normandy_ 's dock, I casually let her hand drop and shifted my weight to put a little more space between us. Nothing noticeable, I hoped, because she might ask about it. We entered decontamination and were soon cycled into the general ship population. I offered to take her armor down to her locker for her while she went to the room in back of the med bay.

“Will you meet me for dinner in the mess?” Liara looked nervously expectant, still rigidly gripping onto her sack of armor.

“Okay,” I agreed guardedly. She relinquished her sack with a big, grateful smile and a polite excusal, then proceeded down the stairs to the med bay. I followed until reaching the elevator to deck three, taking it down to the mako bay and heading for the locker room. After stowing her new gear, I headed to my customary station; I didn't have any work to do, but it seemed the safest place to be. _What a strange day, and it isn't even over yet. I've never touched a woman like that. I've never been turned on by a woman's body. Yet today, pretty much both happened. Geeze, am I really that lonely? That sad? It's been hard, but I knew that when I first decided to stop dating. It was for the best really._

_How else am I ever going to get out of the shadows and prove myself? I have to be better. I can be a better marine than anyone else on this ship; nothing but professional. Like it's my life._

_And it is, isn't it? What would I do without the military? Where would I work? Who would I hang out with? How would I keep busy? I need to protect people, and this is how I can do that. I need this._

_Why is it Liara is making me even think about this? Question this? This is ridiculous! I have not come this far to let it all fall apart now. Yeah, I miss intimate relationships; miss talking and confiding. But who says it's gotta be from a boyfriend or a lover? Maybe, you can make friends here and confide in them. That would be a good thing. Even from the point of view of my superiors, because I'd just be integrating. Well, I can certainly do that. Maybe, once I do, things will go back to normal for me. No more strange passing thoughts that are so unlike me._

_Who the hell am I going to talk to on this ship? Who's going to understand me? Nobody's going to know what it's like to walk around minefields 24/7 because your CO's don't trust you; because they_ blame _you._

_And Shepard's better than most. Isn't that the saddest part of it all. Remember Lieutenant Hawke? What a jerk. Thousand times worse than Shepard. I don't think I ever got a single grudging compliment out of that man. And I had to work my ass off! I still remember how tired I'd be after a day working in Hawke's platoon; too tired to feel the bruises, really._

_No, things are different here. I have a chance. I can't let it go to waste. But what if I open up to someone here, and they stab me in the back? Use my secrets and my private thoughts against me? Make me out to be weak, or perhaps even a villain? They could potentially torpedo me!_

I broke out of my thoughts still uncertain what I would end up doing. At least I had an assignment to distract me from them. Now was the time to talk with Tali and suss out a little bit about the mysterious quarian. She would be coming off duty at the same time as Engineer Adams, as per usual. I headed over to the doors to engineering. Serendipitously, Tali emerged just as I arrived.

“Pardon,” I requested, making room for her to walk out the door and past me. Tali's face was entirely hidden behind her deeply tinted, purple glass faceplate. She nodded and quickly walked past to clear the way for me to continue, unaware that she was the reason I was here. “Say, Tali. I know we haven't exactly talked much, so I figured it's about time we tried to fix that. We'll be working together on the _Normandy_ for quite a while until we catch up to Saren, and it might be good to get to know each other a little better.”

“Of course.” Tali's voice was unnatural; the environment suit changed it slightly, adding a slight synthetic quality to the tone. It bothered me every time I heard it, without fail. Nonetheless, I tried to push that aside and make no outward recoil for her to pick up on.

“So where were you before you got swept up into all this?” I asked. “What were you doing outside the flotilla?”

“Many quarians undertake the Pilgrimage; the rite of ascension into adulthood. We leave the flotilla and do not return until we can bring back something that will help improve our ships, or our lives in the flotilla. It is our gift to the captain of the new ship we wish to inhabit. If the captain accepts, we become a member of his crew and live on his ship. I was on my Pilgrimage when I heard about geth beyond the Veil. Naturally, I was curious, since they drove us into exile from the Veil and did not advance further.”

I nodded, listening attentively. Tali continued, “I found a small geth patrol and ambushed them. I managed to temporarily hack the geth that led the patrol, forcing it to go into combat mode. I disabled its friendly forces recognition software, and it turned on the rest, killing them. When the whole squad was down except for the hacked shock trooper, I quickly finished it off with a pistol while it was weak. Then I ran out and began copying all the data I could from its memory core. It was a delicate process, but I managed to make it work, and save a small portion of dialogue between Saren and Lady Benezia.”

“Which is the evidence that finally convinced the Council Saren was off the reservation. So before that trial, Saren ordered Fist to kill you, and Shepard found you just in time to stop the assassins.”

“Yes, Shepard was with Garrus and Wrex at the time. Together the four of us turned the tables against them.”

“I didn't know geth could be hacked,” I asked implicitly, genuinely impressed.

“It rarely works,” Tali noted. “The process is complicated, and the geth get better at resisting intrusion the fewer of them there are within neural net range of each other. They can more easily spot the outside hack for what it is if it's not buried amongst all the voices of the other geth. Unfortunately, hacking one drone in a large group is not as useful even when it works, as often what the geth do is kill it before it can take action against them.”

“Really.” I was content with her answer. Now, the question Pressley wanted to know: what is the quarian's ultimate agenda here? _Like she'd tell me outright. This is so stupid, I'm a marine, not a spy. I can't do this._ “So, now that you're off the Citadel, you can basically go anywhere you want and continue your Pilgrimage.”

“Yes,” Tali agreed, slowly.

“Then why are you still here?” I blurted out. _Hey, I thought you were going to try to be more tactful!? Idiot._

Tali seemed taken aback. “You don't want me here?”

“No, it's not that,” I tried to reassure her. “I just want to understand why you chose to—you know—stay here, on a human ship.”

She probably wasn't convinced, but there was no way to read facial expressions through her infuriating tinted faceplate. She answered, “I know Saren has thus far only attacked a human colony, but whenever there are geth involved, it is my responsibility to get involved as well. We created the geth. They are our people's mistake, and we paid a high price for it. Now they're working with Saren, a turian. I never would have thought they would willingly work for an organic. If Saren's found a way to control the geth, I must figure out what he did. It could be the key that allows us to finally atone for the atrocities the geth have committed against organics near and within the Veil. There is nothing we as a people want more than to stop the geth and return home. It seemed impossible before now.” Tali's voice grew strong with conviction. “Now there's hope. There's a chance. And you can bet that I'll be here until we stop Saren. This could be the most important Pilgrimage in the _history_ of my people.”

I was a bit taken aback at the uncharacteristic strength of her resolve. She seemed so mousy most of the time. She was normally quiet, reserved, and impossible to read. However, I could read her now. It was either the best rehearsed lie I'd ever heard, or she was telling the absolute truth.

I thanked Tali for her time and walked away as she boarded the elevator to deck two. Still somewhat shocked and processing the conversation, I leaned against the mako and sighed. When Garrus emerged from underneath the damn thing, I positively shot away from the sudden motion, turning to face him in a hand-to-hand fighting stance as if I was responding to an ambush.

“Sorry, Gunnery Chief,” Garrus apologized. “Didn't mean to frighten you.”

“I wasn't frightened,” I shot back through clenched teeth. “I was just—surprised, and my battle instincts took over.”

“Sounds like you were frightened to me,” Garrus replied glibly. He grabbed a step on the side of the mako meant to be used as a stair to help ascend into the cockpit. Using it as a handhold, he hauled himself back up to his feet, causing the cart he'd been lying on to move and work under the vehicle to go rolling away from him. I moved quickly, slamming a foot down right on top of the cart, stopping it in its tracks.

Garrus thanked me for stopping it before he had to go chasing it down and studied the computer diagnostics of the mako systems. “This vehicle is very impressive,” he noted. “Fast, agile, and packs a punch. The perfect addition to a frigate's arsenal.”

I smiled. _That's right, we humans know what we're doing._ “Humanity knows how to fight,” I answered, walking closer so I could read the diagnostic screen myself. I easily kept a generous amount of space between myself and the turian at the same time.

“Certainly.” Garrus punched in a few commands, ordering a new diagnostic be taken. “I think I still prefer the turian Prowler. I feel safer in something with more shields and more weapons. A single cannon? Not going to suppress a coordinated assault with any degree of success. You need to be able to shoot multiple directions at the same time, especially when it comes to anti-infantry.”

“It worked well on Therum,” I defended, edginess creeping into my voice.

“One success hardly counts as a proof of concept.” Garrus refused to give in. “In any case, I still admire much of this tank's construction.”

I changed tracks. “How's the adjustment?” I asked. “You getting used to the life on a military frigate? Quite a bit different from your standard C-Sec experience, I'd bet.”

“In many ways, yes,” Garrus answered. “Not a fan of 'rappelling down a line.'”

I smirked, remembering his difficulty with his first time. “You did all right for a first-timer.”

Garrus filled in the empty space creeping in-between us. “So, what brings you to my corner of the mako bay? You're usually at your desk, or you're working out; not often you come over here.”

“Oh, yeah.” _Maybe I should go work out. I'm tired of thinking about what to say or ask. I don't_ want _to be a spy._ “No reason.”

Garrus made an odd clicking sound with his mandibles. The diagnostic had just come back as well, indicating all systems were green and ready for use. “'No reason.' That's exactly what I've been trying to figure out with Saren. What is his reason for doing what he's doing? What is his endgame? I have many potential motives for the man, and no concrete proof for any of them.”

“He hates humanity,” I offered.

“Yes, but this connection with the Protheans and Reapers—there's more than petty revenge going on here. Makes me think he's doing this for the power it will give him.”

“Probably both,” I reasoned.

“Probably,” Garrus agreed. “It's up to us to bring him to justice before he succeeds.”

() () () () ()

I arrived late to dinner, but still before Liara, and grabbed a tray full of— _kinda hard to call it food by the looks of it—_ and sat down. I hungrily took a few bites, but suddenly conscious of my manners, I stopped immediately and waited for Liara to arrive. A few minutes later, I saw her show up.

“Liara,” I greeted.

“Ashley,” she returned in kind. I smiled politely and started eating.

Liara wasn't as anxious to eat. “I noticed Shepard is quite busy. He had interviews, met with the Council again for a private session, and has been investigating a few leads on Saren.”

“They all dried up,” I told her. “I figured they would. Saren's made a clean break from the Citadel. He's not coming back until he's ready. We'll all rue that day if we can't find him first.”

“You have good instincts,” she complimented.

I considered her compliment. _I suppose, but not always._ “Thanks.”

“I wonder if it comes with being a soldier. I was never much of a soldier myself. I mastered my biotics, but I never joined the asari militias for advanced training in combat. Instead, I went into archeology.”

“Why archeology?”

“It is a fascinating and largely untapped field. Everyone is so concerned with the here and now that they forget our world is built on the ruins of the Protheans. Though I must admit, it was just as much because of the peace and quiet it affords. I worked alone and in small groups for most of my career.”

_She did it because of the peace and quiet? Just how bad could it have been?_ “I would have thought you'd prefer to live closer to home, you know, with your family.” Briefly, my sisters flashed through my head; I still missed them.

“It was never easy living at home,” Liara explained. “ _Lady_ Benezia is a revered Matriarch in our society. She had thousands of followers just at our home on Thessia. I had little privacy, and it seemed everyone expected me to be as great as my mother. I had to get out from under the oppressive shadow of her success.” Liara scrunched up her nose briefly, adding, “It sounds awful to say it that way; like I did it merely to spite my mother...”

Her nose scrunch was positively adorable, threatening to derail my train of thought. I caught it just in time. “I think I understand what you mean, actually,” I answered back. “My family has a history as well, in the Systems Alliance military. I would do anything to excise it and be accepted for who I really am, not for who my grandfather was.”

“Your grandfather was a successful man?” she asked.

“Depends who you ask,” I replied sullenly. “He's a hero in my books. Not everyone sees what he did as heroic.”

“I am confused; you must explain it.” She looked more interested in my story than her food.

I shrugged, sitting back a little. Something about Liara was so inviting—disarming. It felt safe to talk to her. I began talking about my family's history almost before I'd realized it. “My grandfather was General Williams. He was in charge of the garrison on Shanxi, one of our earliest colonies. We'd never found an alien before. Then the turians came and attacked. They didn't want us opening a new relay in the system. They thought they destroyed all our ships when they took control of Shanxi's orbit; the start of the First Contact War. My grandfather was cut off from reinforcements and outgunned by the orbiting ships. He had to resort to guerrilla warfare to fight the turians on the ground. They didn't take kindly to his obstinance, so they started throwing the orbiting debris of our ruined ships at his marines. They leveled an entire city block to kill a single fireteam that was looking for food and supplies.

“My grandfather's men were hungry, and civilians were dying in the bombardments. He surrendered the garrison to the turians. A few days later, our Second Fleet came through and destroyed the turians. My grandfather was never officially blamed for surrendering, but that doesn't mean he wasn't punished. His career was over; and the stigma follows the Williams' name. My father never made it above Serviceman Third Class. Serviceman Third Class!” My voice rose in anger, so I consciously worked to lower it before I really lost control. “I've never managed to escape groundside garrison posts, guarding the safer colonies. Not until that beacon and the geth attack on Eden Prime. Captain Anderson got me here.”

Liara seemed shocked. “They blame your whole family for doing the right thing?”

“Oh, no, of course not,” I replied sarcastically. “That wouldn't make sense. But since they can't take any direct action against us because of that pesky little detail, the military is all passive-aggressive about it. Bunch of four year olds.”

“If you knew about this, why did you join the military? Why didn't you seek a different profession?”

I looked stupefied for a moment. “The military is our family's tradition, Liara. We Williams' tend to see Earth's concerns as our own. It's our duty to serve.”

Liara considered that, thinking aloud, “That sounds remarkably—turian.” She stated it very quietly.

I gave her a harsh look. _She didn't just—Oh, that's uncalled for!_ “The last thing I needed, _Doctor T'Soni_ , was for you to compare my family to the _turians._ ” I stood up angrily, irrational.

Liara looked horrified, “No, wait, I didn't mean to offend you, Ashley!” Panic set into her eyes.

I threw pure hatred back at her pretty, soft blue face and turned, storming off without another word. A few crewmen moved hastily to vacate my path before I plowed them over. As I left the mess, I encountered Wrex about to enter. Without even thinking about it, I forcefully shoved the massive reptilian alien with both hands planted right against his massive left bicep. I caught him by surprise and managed to shove him clear of my path while continuing forward; quite the achievement considering his bulk. He caught himself well enough with a menacing growl in retort, but I was in no mood to hear it. I walked into the elevator and slammed the control forcefully. I heard Liara's voice just as the door finished sealing shut, “Excuse me!” but then all I could hear was the working of the elevator.

Blinding anger like this didn't just go away on its own. I stepped up to a punching bag in one corner of the mako bay, used by the marines posted aboard ship to train during the downtimes between missions. Seething, I sought to deflect everything back at that punching bag.

“That sounds _turian_.” I grunted with the impact of the first punch. I followed it up with repeated assaults from both hands. It didn't take long for my breathing to become noticeably heavier from the strain. “I never went the soldier route, but I can still beat you with my bag of tricks.” _Slam._ “I'm a biotic born with a silver spoon in my mouth.” _Thwack, thwack, thwack-k-k._ “Oh, did I offend you, Ashley?” I snarled. “Told you this huge long story and you say, wow, you'd make a good bug-eyed alien.” _Thwack thwack._ “Fuck you, Liara. FUCK! YOU!” I shouted in hysterics. I went into full-body assault mode with the damned bag: a fist, an elbow, even a roundhouse kick. It wasn't enough. I couldn't hit it hard enough or fast enough. I was losing control; just like I said I wouldn't. “Damn them all. The Brass.” _Smack._ “The turians.” _Thud._ “Everyone!” _Thwack thwack._

_Dad told you, “A Williams has to be better than the rest, if only to avoid suspicion.”_

_Well, I'm tired of it, and it isn't fair!_

“Shit.” I stopped and looked at my hands. They were red with irritation from their mistreatment, and the pain was all too prevalent. I'd be lucky if I hadn't fractured my fifth metacarpal in my rage. They trembled as I looked them over. My clothes were starting to cling with fresh sweat. The tiny frigate was too constricting. What I really needed right now was a run. To get free of the prison, if only for a little while. I headed to the locker room and switched into my jogging clothes. Then I raced myself to the decontamination bay and cycled through it to the Citadel. There were catwalks running along all the berths in this section of the Citadel, with elevators evenly spaced to take you into the station proper. I picked the longest catwalk and began pumping my legs, storming down the metal gangplank like I was chasing down a cheetah. To my right I noticed some stairs leading to higher levels.

I never slowed, immediately climbing up the stairs as fast as I could go. It was immensely draining to reach the next level; the stairs were quite tall. I made it without letting up and paused only a moment to catch a breath before tearing down a new catwalk. The thin air was remarkably quiet and did precious little to oxygenate my blood at this level of activity. My legs were quickly turning to rubber—lactic acid was accumulating rapidly with not enough oxygen to be metabolized. Even with a full Earth atmosphere, I would have hit the wall pretty rapidly at this pace. The pain of exertion in my chest made me too uncomfortable to continue, forcing me to slow down to a walk. I felt wiped; if only I could have collapsed into a bed at that moment, and relaxed completely. Instead, I forced myself to continue walking while breathing heavy to catch my breath.

I looked around. I'd left the System's Alliance berths almost entirely behind. Up ahead about a hundred meters was the first civilian berth. As I began to recover, which was a slow, depressing process, I decided to keep walking that direction. If nothing else, I just had to stay away from the _Normandy_.

A small, tiny personal shuttle of an FTL craft was the first ship I came across. It was made for speed and short-range FTL; probably would have issues with some of the larger distances between stars in the more openly spaced clusters. Still, an impressive machine from what little I'd heard about it. I jogged past without giving it another look.

It was hard to train aerobically in the thin air of the hangers, but I didn't want to be around people, much less aliens, right now, and the catwalks were my best bet for seclusion. I decided to turn around and head back to the _Normandy;_ I was getting weak, and it would be a challenge just to make it to the decontamination bay at all.

The same personal shuttle, still docked, had its driver side door open. One form was hunched over inside it, and another was approaching from the other side. The one outside was turian. I couldn't tell about his companion inside because the turian was blocking my view. The turian looked right at me. I instantly began to feel uneasy, and it wasn't the exercise this time. My senses went on alert, and I quickly scoped out the surrounding area; I was not alone here any longer. There were the two at the shuttle, and four more approaching from below one level, behind, and up ahead to my right. Six to one. I began to size them up coldly, training kicking in. I had to find the weak link and be ready to exploit it if my bad feeling came true.

_Any of them might be armed. So vulnerable out here in the open. No cover. Just thin catwalks._ I wished I'd had my armor on. It would increase my chances of escaping alive, even weaponless. There was a great deal of psychological comfort in kinetic barriers. Without them, I felt naked and threatened.

The turian next to the shuttle abandoned his partner and began walking towards me. The narrow catwalk meant we would have to pass within inches of each other. I looked at the stairs between us. I could rush for them and start down first, but there was another guy on the stairs already, coming up, and he looked tougher than the one ahead of me.

“Well, well, what are you doing out here all alone?” he sneered.

“Clear the way,” I ordered, walking straight for him.

He shook his head. “Uh-uh. I don't think so.”

_I gave him a chance. Now it's time to show him I'm serious. You picked the wrong day to get on my bad side!_ Without another word, I rushed straight at the turian. I saw him draw a blade from a sheath on his hip; it was wickedly jagged. I didn't stop until we were in each other's faces. He swiped to force me back. I dodged, but grabbed his knife wrist with both my hands and slammed it down on my knee as I brought my leg up. He grunted in pain. I brought up the knee and did it again, forcing the knife out of his hand. His friends were rushing towards us now to help him. I punched the turian right in the eye. His mandibles flared as he growled. We continued to grapple, each attempting to get control of the other. I heard the knife get kicked and fall right off the side of the catwalk. It wouldn't reach the “ground” for a very protracted amount of time at this height.

I had hoped to have overpowered him already and be running my way back to the _Normandy_. My plan wasn't working as well as I'd hoped, however, as the turian was impressively strong, and I was weakened from my previous exercising. I heard his buddies' feet clanking on the metal as they ran towards us; They were too close.

“Give it up,” the turian warned me and snarled.I took a fierce blow to my left side from his buddy in a purple tunic as he gave me a kick. I slammed into the railing with my right side. The one behind me grabbed me by the neck, choking me as he hauled me upright and forced me to back towards him. My fingers wrapped around one of his large digits and yanked it away. There was a sickening crunch as I broke it in the process. Behind me, the turian howled in pain and left himself open to a jab as I brought my arm back into his ribcage. The first one, still in front of me to block my escape, tried to grab my right arm as I elbowed his friend. I wrested free just long enough to place a solid kick in payback on the purple one, driving him away. Now it was back to mono a mono.

It devolved from a fight of placing blows into a wrestling match where each was trying to overpower the other and get the advantage in pinning the opponent. This turian wasn't a good wrestler in my opinion, as I managed to escape his hold and reverse our fortunes. I forced him to his knees and closed off his airway. He gagged, desperate for air, but was unable to get any. I released and hit him across the face by pulling my elbow back sharply. He crumpled in a heap on the catwalk. Others from his gang were incoming; I attempted to flee, running for all I was worth. I would be helpless if they all ganged up on me at once; I couldn't let another one get a chance to delay me further.

The air was still maddeningly thin, and it made my escape prolonged. I looked back, and the pursuers had all fallen off and begun retreating the other way; I'd done it. They were probably looking to get out of there quickly before I could get C-Sec all over the area. I slowed down a little, giving into the fatigue and the pain. My sides, right above my hips on each side, felt like they were on fire. I probably had some nasty bruising in the process of forming.

I made it back to the elevator to C-Sec Academy, one level up from the _Normandy's_ berth. I didn't relish the idea of explaining myself to the Commander or Chakwas, so I took the elevator straight to C-Sec instead to file a report with them. Thieves must be getting bold to try and jack vehicles so close to the military berths.

It didn't occur to me who I would be dealing with until I was standing in the Academy. There were turian officers everywhere. One snuck up alongside me and offered to take my statement. My nerves were still jittery from the experience, and I almost struck the officer. He could tell from my rumpled clothing and hair that I'd been in a scrap. Not to mention, the red lines no doubt crossing my neck from where the purple-clad turian had grabbed me. He didn't dwell on my near lash-out; instead, lead me to a chair and told me to wait there while he got someone. I wondered if perhaps it wasn't best now to just forget the whole thing and try to wear a turtleneck uniform on the _Normandy_ rather than stay here.

My eyes softened with understanding and gratitude when I saw the same officer bringing a human C-Sec officer over to see me. He sat down next to me with his omni-tool ready while the turian disappeared. “Hello, I'm officer Eddie Lang. There's no reason to worry; you're safe here. Let's start with who you are.”

He was new to this and coming on a little strong with his sympathy. I didn't really feel all that victimized, so I tried to show him I was doing fine without the pampering, giving a wan smile. “I'm Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the _SSV Normandy_. I was—” _blowing off some steam. No. Don't say that._ “I was _training_ by running along the catwalks criss-crossing the berths. I was in section 4-2 when I came across a gang of turians by one of the small speedster private FTL ships. It was painted in—tan, I guess. Anyway, one of them stops me and pulls a knife. We got into a major fight then; all I wanted to do was to get past them and get to safety, in case one of them had a gun. I was lucky; they didn't seem to. I fought a couple of them off and ran away. Then I came here.”

“Sounds rough,” Lang answered. I could tell I'd made an impression on the man claiming to have subdued not one, but two turians. I figured it wasn't that big a deal; it would be really impressive, however, if I could take on a krogan or two like Wrex. That _would be freaking insane,_ I imagined.Lang continued, “Can you describe your assailants?”

I thought back. “Well, one of them was wearing an odd purple tunic I haven't seen on the Presidium or anywhere like that. It had a symbol on it. I broke that one's finger when he tried to choke me from behind.”

“Ok. Let me pull up our dossier on known gangs on the Citadel.” Lang worked on his omni-tool a minute before leaning over and showing it to me, palm held out so I could see it better from my angle. I reached over and advanced the progression of symbols a few pages, studying six at a time before deciding none were what I'd seen.

As I scrolled to a new page, I froze. The eagle-esque wings on either side—the odd back-and-forth slashes through the middle—this was it! I studied it a bit longer to be absolutely certain. I selected the symbol for viewing by itself, and then pulled back. “That's it.”

Lang straightened and brought the omni-tool back to have a look and nodded. “I've heard about them. They're led by a pretty ruthless human, who goes by the name the 'Long Islander.' He has ties throughout the Citadel and even back to Earth's underworld elements. They do a lot of vehicle theft. Rip up the vehicles and sell the parts. Like 'chop shops' back in the day, on Earth. You ever heard of them?”

“'Chop shops'?” I asked. “No.”

“Well, you're lucky you got away from them. Rough crowd. Chances are good you could have ended up dead if you'd stayed. They're professional; they don't leave loose ends.”

I shuddered briefly. “You sure the leader's human, though?” I asked. I couldn't help it; I felt compelled. It seemed wrong that the turian wasn't the archenemy. _Surely, the turians wouldn't work for a human gangster? Maybe it's all part of a trick to make C-Sec_ think _he's human._

“Oh yeah. We have a whole dossier on the Long Islander. He's been a major player in the Citadel underworld for years—one of the oldest, in fact, of all humans currently involved.”

_Or perhaps he_ is _human, in which case..._ “He's a blight on humanity,” I condemned him offhandedly. “You should arrest him.”

“We would if we could. You're a smart woman; you've got to realize it's different between knowing someone is _probably_ dirty, and quite another to prove it in the courts. For now, we just have to work quietly to dig for the information that damns him. It's out there somewhere. They always leave something behind, especially the longer they've been crooked.”

I nodded. “Well, that's the whole story. What now?”

“I'll file this report, and you may be contacted if we pick up some of them later. Never hurts to add one count of assault on top of a whole list of wrongdoings to put these career criminals behind bars.”

“All right. I should go. I'm expected on the _Normandy_ shortly.” I studied a chronometer as I spoke—it was the middle of the night shift aboard the ship. I wasn't about to correct myself to some C-Sec investigator, however, so long as I was allowed to go.

“Ok. Thank you, Ashley. Don't worry, we'll get them.” I stood up and hissed from the pain. I'd been sitting for so long I had begun to ignore it, and moving brought it all back to me. “You ok?” Eddie asked, apparently very concerned.

“Dumb question,” I answered, smirking, “but I'll be ok in a while.”

“If you want, I can get a doctor over to see you; check you out.”

I imagined an alien doctor laying hands on me and twitched by reflex. “No, thanks anyway.” I walked slowly away. The ride in the elevator was especially excruciating; the acceleration of the car produced additional downward force on my body, making me feel a little heavier and aggravating my injuries. Mostly, however, my body was just stiffening up. I headed for the airlock, eager to lay down and let oblivion take my mind off the pain.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 

After cycling through decontamination, I was automatically logged by the VI as back aboard the ship and headed directly for my assigned sleeper pod. Shipboard lighting was reduced to simulate dusk for the graveyard shift; in the sleeping area it particularly cast lots of shadows across the pods. I opened mine up and took one step inside before bumping into a soft, warm body.

Liara T'Soni let out a squeal of surprise as she was startled awake from her dreaming. Her biotic corona flared, and she very nearly introduced me to the far wall of the room. I cried out as well and withdrew. We each tried to catch our breath once we realized who the other was.

Liara stepped out. “Ashley? Is—is there something you want?”

Liara had grazed my tender side when she'd lashed out at me with her arms. It didn't do my pain level any favors. I nodded. Liara's purple corona increased the light in a confined area around us. She gasped, “Ashley! What happened to your neck?”

I rubbed it gently, absentmindedly. It didn't really hurt near as much compared to the rest. “I'm fine, _Doctor_.” I was still edgy with the tail end of adrenaline released by my surprise encounter. She seemed to recoil at the title.

“Ashley, about earlier, I'm so very sorry—” she started, but her voice fell away.

She fixed the same pleading gaze on me I'd seen her give Shepard during the debriefing—but it seemed a thousand times more passionate in comparison. I looked away uncomfortably, and then forced myself to meet her look resignedly. I knew then I was much more in the wrong than she had been. _Liara is just a little awkward, a little forward, and very innocent. You, on the other hand, should know how to let things slide instead of getting angry. Look at what that got you: a fight with thugs and the injuries you're trying to hide from her right now._

“It's ok, Liara. I'm sorry too, for blowing up at you.”

In the darkened conditions, Liara's biotic glow made her stand out from everything else in the room. The way it played around her, dynamic and swirling, made it ethereal. The closest thing I'd ever seen to this was a star's corona with curved solar flares erupting randomly all over it, but this biotic version was not harsh or intimidating to look at. It was actually rather attractive, accentuating her body's natural curves, highlighting and framing her, especially against the dark backdrop of the sleeper pods. I found my eyes roaming her figure appreciatively before I shook myself free of it and focused entirely on her face.

“Where did you go? I let you go at first, but then I tried to find you before I got in bed, and couldn't find you anywhere. This ship is not that big!”

I chuckled quietly. “No, it's not. I went to the Citadel for a run.”

“And what happened to you?” She looked deeply concerned.

I shrugged. “I was at the wrong place, wrong time. I'm sorry for waking you up; I forgot I've been reassigned. You should remember to set the pod to occupied. I'll let you get some rest.”

“No, no, it's all right. I'm glad you woke me. Did—you want to get some rest?” she asked.

I nodded. “It's ok; not enough pods during this shift. I'll just sequester a bed in the med bay like I was supposed to do.”

Liara's corona dissipated, the faint purple glow's removal causing new shadows to seep back across our faces and clothes. “Are you sure? I'm up now anyway; I don't think I can get back to sleep after a scare like that. Not for a while, anyway.”

I smiled. “Yeah, it'll take me a while to calm down myself.” I debated my options before adding tentatively, “You want to, I don't know, get something to drink from the mess hall?”

Liara shook her head. “I'll never be able to sleep if I ingest any of your human food and drink at this hour.”

“Fair enough,” I stated, turning to leave. “Goodnight, Liara.”

Liara considered me and the pod for a few moments. Then she closed the hatch before her and followed me. The feeling of relief that washed over me as she decided to join me took me by surprise. I hadn't thought I cared one way or the other, but now I realized I desperately wanted to reconcile further.

I wasn't terribly hungry, just tired and achy, so I grabbed some water and gently lowered myself into one of the empty tables. The mess was a lot emptier now than it had been during dinner. I liked the quiet; it helped me settle down.

The mess was more brightly lit than the room where the sleeping pods were. I could tell that Liara was more fully realizing the extent of my abuse. She reached over after I placed my water on the table, hesitating just short of touching. I tilted my head up, allowing her to see it better. She looked shocked.

“Someone grabbed you by the neck!” Liara was a master of the obvious, apparently, in the late hours of the night. She pulled away to her side of the table again.

I lowered my chin and nodded. “Yeah.”

“Who did this to you!?” she demanded, incensed.

“Don't worry about it. I had a chat with C-Sec before coming here. They took a statement.”

“That's hardly anything!”

“Give them some time to work, Liara. Busting criminals doesn't happen instantaneously.”

“Still—,” she gasped, paling to a bit lighter shade of blue. “What—what did—you weren't—.”

I tried to figure out what she was asking, but the answer wasn't occurring to me. “I wasn't what?”

Liara was mortified, her eyes wide with fear. “Were you—raped?”

My eyes also went wide momentarily, and I quickly responded, “No, oh no! I just got into a fight with some gang bangers local to the Citadel. I escaped before they could do anything really bad to me. I just wish I'd been a little faster so I wouldn't have received any injuries.”

“How bad is it?” she asked. She looked over the rest of my upper body, as if she could see behind the clothes I wore. I could only imagine what horrific injuries she herself was imaging.

“Not good.” I hesitated, not wanting to make her more worried than she was already. “I'm just—really, really sore. Bruised. You know, typical fight punishment. I'll be fine.”

“Have you seen a doctor yet?” She had the look of someone who already knew the answer, but was still expecting to hear it nonetheless.

“Uh—no. But I'm fine, really,” I pointed out. I picked up the water and drank a few more swigs while Liara complained.

“Ashley, you have to see Chakwas immediately! What if it's serious? I know you dislike the experience, but you can't just live in ignorance of your own health!”

“Liara, look. I've been in more than a few fights in my time. I trust my judgment. This is no big deal, so don't make it into one. If I see or feel anything out of the ordinary for my injuries, I'll see a doctor then. Right now, chances are I'll be fine. I just need to take it easy and give myself some time to heal.”

Liara looked sour, but she agreed to let the subject drop. Silence filled the mess hall, and I imagined I could hear and feel the slight thrum of the thrusters driving the ship forward. I studied my late night companion. Her cheeks colored slightly when she noticed me. I smiled, breaking eye contact briefly to concentrate instead on my water, drinking it greedily. I finished it off and set the empty container back on the table gently.

“You know, you're probably right about me,” I confessed. “Even if I didn't want to hear it; you know the turians better than I do. Your people have been around them for a long time. I, on the other hand, can't separate the turians at large from what they did to my family.”

“There is more to them than just the bad things they did, Ashley,” Liara offered quietly and contritely. “That is all I meant with my thoughtless words. I am sorry; I'm so terrible with people.”

I shook my head. “No, I understand what you meant now; at least a little. Don't be so hard on yourself; you spend most of your time alone. You can't expect to be a suave socialite without any opportunity to practice. For what it's worth, I'm not real good with words either. Other, more famous historical people, have said what I want to say better than I can. Sometimes it's like I have no filter between my head and my mouth. It's frustrating.”

Liara's face flushed briefly before she nodded her head vigorously. “Yes, that is exactly how I feel.”

I looked to the table, considering the ramifications of what I said next. “We have a lot in common, you and I. More than I would have thought.” _How is it you find things in common with a krogan and an asari and not with the rest of the humans on this crew? Isn't that backwards of the way it's supposed to be?_

“I like talking with you, Ashley.” Liara's blue eyes flashed in the light as she looked right into my eyes. There was an honesty and openness there that I couldn't bring myself to question. I felt compelled to reach out and touch her soft chin, hold her head in one hand to comfort her. I could bring her close to me and hug her forever. I snapped out of my reverie, and instead I nodded mutely. Liara continued unaware of my daydream, filling in the space, “I've been around the crew long enough to know they do not trust me. I'm the daughter of some kind of terrorist, some co-conspirator. I want to thank you for looking past all of that and giving me a chance. I won't let you down. You can trust me, because I am your friend first, and everything else second.”

I swallowed, impacted by her words. “Thank you, Liara. That means a lot to me.”

A very vocal part of me wanted to reciprocate, but the rest was still too uncertain and too worried to take the risk again. I'd pushed my luck already just telling her my family history—and that had hardly been a rousing success. I sighed as I glanced at the chrono and excused myself for bed. I was dead tired now. The exertion of my exercising just took its time to really set in. I pushed off the table to get to my feet; it required a herculean effort to move my aching and tired body.

I was surprised when I stood to leave that Liara bounded up as well, taking my hand in hers, and leading me slowly through the maze of empty tables towards the med bay. While I didn't want to admit it, I did need her gentle pull to force me to put one heavy foot in front of the other. She let go just outside the door and let me enter first. I noticed Nurse Adela Tate was on duty again. She recognized me and immediately set me up with the same corner bed as last time. Liara watched until I waved goodnight. She took the cue and left for her own bunk.

Adela noticed my neck at some point. With Liara gone, she finally asked, “What happened to you?”

I smiled. “I ran into a door.”

“And got choked by it, apparently,” she added dryly.

“Doors can be dangerous things,” I explained.

Adela sighed. “Ok, I get it, you don't want it in your record. Just tell me what happened.”

“Nuh-uh,” I challenged. “That's how it starts, and then the next thing you know, scuttlebutt's gone clear round the ship six times over, and your CO wants to see you immediately.”

“I guess it's your body, your health,” Adela stated meaningfully. She switched gears. “Speaking of scuttlebutt, I heard that you and Liara had a fight right in the middle of dinner today. You also spent most of the day on the Citadel with her—arriving and departing at the same times. Are you two—close?”

“She wanted to wallpaper the _Normandy_ in blue,” I quipped. _None of your business, thank you very much._

Adela refused to let go so easily. “Can you really blame me for asking? You know what the asari are like.”

 _Fine, I'll bite._ “No, what are the asari like?”

“They're promiscuous. I heard their whole society is built around sex. It's the only reason an asari will hang out with a member of a different race.”

Actually, I had heard similar thoughts before, especially way far away from the nearest asari on the mostly-human colony worlds. It wasn't uncommon. Asari were widely known as being much more accepting of their sexuality than other races, notably humans. Any given night, one could find a scantily-clad asari dancer at Chora's Den on the Citadel, or so the extranet advertised. Still, it didn't seem right to me. How often things like this, when applied to the _whole_ society, turned out to be gross exaggerations of the truth.

“No offense, Nurse Tate, but if you honestly believe all that stereotypical crap about asari on the extranet, then you wouldn't know asari culture from a bacterial culture.”

“Oh, I don't know. You know what they say, at the heart of every generalization is a kernel of truth. And just now—wasn't that same blue-skinned alien just outside the med bay watching you? Hmm?”

“We're friends, nothing more,” I assured the intrusive nurse. Liara's face as she talked openly with me rose unbidden to mind. Her honesty had suddenly turned judgmental. I cowered from the image, my face contorted with guilt. Then I grew defiant. _What do I have to be guilty about?! It's the truth! I'm just—tired, very tired. In the morning I'll laugh at myself for thinking so weirdly._

I looked at Adela Tate. I had to feed her, and the gossip mill behind her, something if I was going to head off their future intrusions. “I'm just teaching her sidearms and the like. She's never been the soldier type and this mission requires a cool head in combat.”

Adela finally seemed pacified and left to attend to her late shift duties. I changed into some comfortable sleeping clothes and reminded myself to wash a few uniforms tomorrow before my stock got low. Then I carefully climbed in bed, lying down supine and careful not to exaggerate my injuries. I was getting some nice bruising on both sides, mostly localized. Once I was somewhat comfortable, sleep overtook me almost immediately.

() () () () ()

Today I felt like I'd turned in my enlistment in the Marines for a job as a data analyst for some clandestine Alliance government agency. Pressley had given me his access code and a _questionable_ program to decrypt data, then ordered me to search the private accounts of every alien aboard.

Considering the time the aliens had spent aboard, there were remarkably few communications to examine. I literally thanked God with tears in my eyes when I saw Wrex's account; zero in and zero out. Personnel files were in order and complete. History looked clean to my (admittedly untrained) eye. Still, I did what I could. It was a job, and I was responsible for completing it to the best of my ability. I got mostly lost in the private OSD connection records and personal omni-tools. I'm pretty sure a spy could have posted their entire battle plan there, and I would have missed the significance.

Still, perhaps it was better than leaving these stones unturned. I felt more confident about my impressions I'd formed from talking with each of them: on the up-and-up, all of them. Pressley's decryption program got me a great deal deeper than I had thought it would. It was a little shocking to say the least, looking at just how deep I could go. I didn't really want to know Tali had a family on the flotilla pinning their hopes on her that she would return with a good gift for her Pilgrimage.

This exercise of intrusion reminded me of something I'd learned about in school years ago. Cognitive dissonance is defined as the juxtaposition of thought and action; when someone thinks one thing, and does another. A great example is when someone believes one thing, but is forced to go against that belief because an authority is demanding their compliance.

I'd told myself before I got into the military that I would never have an issue like that. I could be moral _and_ in the military. There would be no conflicts. I was completely wrong about that. In my case, I had enough dissonance going on to create mild pain centered around my temples. It felt wrong to be in these files without permission, doing covert observation of their private lives; yet I did it anyway.

It was the early morning; I'd gotten up earlier than normal to do this in relative seclusion. As I finished, Pressley announced to the crew that the Commander was intending to leave the Citadel inside of six hours. The suddenness of the announcement made me think he might have found a hot lead on Saren. I hoped I was right; we needed another break. Keeping Saren's mitts off of Liara had been a victory in my opinion, but hadn't done much to really throw a wrench into his plans, as he seemed willing to let us keep her without further challenge.

I'd returned to my station on deck three by the time this announcement arrived. Wrex trundled up alongside me with his typical heavy footfalls. “You were in a fight.” He seemed displeased.

“Yup,” I answered. I hesitated on further exposition; I wasn't sure what to expect from him. _Is he going to go chauvinistic on me and swear a blood oath against my attackers? Is he going to think I brought it upon myself? Is he going to start an uncomfortable conversation by forcing a bunch of tips on me so I'll protect myself 'better' in the future?_

He was silent a moment before he broke down. “Williams, I'm begging you, next time you get into a scrap, bring me along. I'm going stir-crazy on this ship.” I could clearly hear the desperation in his voice.

I couldn't help it, so I laughed. “Is that why you're upset? Well, all right then; although, this one just happened to find me. I really wasn't expecting it, honest.”

“Is it so hard to drop a quick radio signal? 'Hey Wrex, I found a few lowlifes in the wards.' Or 'Wrex, wanna back me up at Chora's Den?' Come on, Williams, help a friend out here.”

 _Friend. He considers me a friend? I'm friends with a krogan?_ I felt a pang of guilt when I realized I had taken advantage of his trust not even an hour ago, and he didn't even know it. I pushed beyond it, instead going into a few details about last night's fight. “It was on the catwalks between all the ship berths, in the civilian section. I was just out running, and I didn't have my radio on me.”

Wrex raised an eyebrow. “I thought you always had to have a radio on you.”

I shook my head. “Thankfully, not when I'm off duty.”

“All right,” Wrex replied, mollified. “So, how was it? I've always felt the best fights aren't the ones you go looking for, but the ones that find you.”

It was such an apt statement for Wrex that I couldn't help but smirk thinking about it. _It's funny, here's this big mean reptilian mercenary, and he and I have all this stuff in common to talk about to help us become friends. Who would have thought I would befriend a krogan!? Can I really continue to do this to him? I would_ never _do this to a friend of mine. That's the question. Are you going to let him be your friend too?_

I couldn't think about this right now. I noticed his expectant expression and started my tale, “Well, there was this gang of car thieves...”

() () () () ()

Liara loitered on deck three with me for my entire shift, even as the _Normandy_ disconnected from the Citadel and departed. Remembering what I'd told nurse Tate, I saw an opportunity to counter the gossip and help Liara learn how to assemble and disassemble a pistol at the same time. As I put mine back together the fifth time, Liara finished her third. I checked her work and nodded with approval. “You've got it.”

“So this is part of your duties? Just taking weapons apart and putting them back together?”

I shrugged. “Well, I maintain them: oil, test, and replace worn parts, the whole deal. You don't want your weapon failing on you in the middle of an intense firefight with the geth.”

“Of course,” she replied, nodding and smiling. “And what of the armor?”

“Ahh, well I get to make sure the capacitors are all fully charged and the kinetic barrier generator is working properly. Other than that, not much to do.”

Her head bobbed in agreement once again. “I see.” Her gaze was unnaturally centered on her pistol as she let it lie across her hands. It seemed like she didn't know what to ask or to do next. I kindly offered her a solution.

“So, you wanna show me what you've been up too? Prothean stuff, right?”

Liara's face lit up at the mention of the long-dead Prothean civilization. “Yes. Shepard has a Prothean data disk in his possession. Apparently, the _Normandy_ found it in a wreck orbiting the planet in Armeni in the Knossos system. I've been working on an interface to see what is stored on it. Data disks have never been read before in the history of the Council, did you know that?”

I shook my head. “No, but keep talking while we go see it. I don't recall finding this data disk, and isn't Knossos the star system where we found you?”

Liara nodded and took my hand, leading me towards the elevator excitedly. “Yes, Therum is in the Knossos system. All this time—it was so close to me, and yet it might as well have been in another galaxy. We're fortunate that the _Normandy_ passed close to Armeni while leaving Therum. If it had been a different time of the year, the planet wouldn't have even been along the route to the mass relay, and it would have stayed hidden like it was for years.

“In the known history of archeology, there have only been six disks or so discovered, most of them recently. The lack of surviving Prothean technology besides the Citadel and mass relays themselves means no one has a terminal which works with the data disk. A lot of work has gone into making a custom interface and basically reverse-engineering Prothean tech for the purpose of reading what information is on these rare disks. They can hold glimpses into the lives of the Protheans, or perhaps their culture and heritage! We might find corroborating evidence of their extinction to verify Shepard's claim about the Reapers! Who knows? It's all potentially hidden away on these tiny storage devices. We just have to find a way to get the information from them.”

We arrived at the med bay, and then proceeded into the back room, where Liara had set up shop. There was what I assumed to be the Prothean data disk, sitting on the table next to a contraption big enough for it to fit inside. The disk reader was still in the construction phase, I could tell, with no covering to hide its fragile inner pieces and parts.

Liara explained in general the reader's design, attributing most of it to work other scientists and archaeologists had done already. She wasn't ready to test it with the disk yet, as she didn't want to damage it.

“It is rather frustrating, but the Protheans designed the disks themselves as tiny microcomputers, requiring power to be supplied by pins one and seven. That means there's a potential to damage the disk just attempting to access it. It might be a security feature; Dr. Golm favors this opinion. Of course, he's the one who hypothesized it in the first place, so I guess that doesn't make him the most unbiased of opinions...” Liara's voice fell off as she contemplated this.

I decided to nudge her along. “So, how are you going to know when you're ready?”

“That is a question I ask myself every day as I work on the interface,” she stated. “What would you do?”

I shook my head. “I wouldn't ask my opinion; I'd probably ruin it when I ran out of patience and decided to give it a whirl.”

The blue-skinned beauty laughed melodically at the mental image. I grinned ruefully. Liara continued to show me a few other aspects of her work beyond the data disk, most of which flew over my head, but I felt better knowing someone as smart as she was working on discovering the truth about the Protheans and their extinction. Perhaps Shepard was right about the Reapers. I wanted to think he was. I couldn't deny, however, that having a fact-checker like Liara around made me feel better about the whole mission.

I leaned back and rested part of my weight on a few heavy crates stacked in the far corner so I was half-sitting, half-standing. Liara continued, oblivious to my staring as she read me something she'd written on her discoveries on Therum. The general feeling to me was she'd discovered more evidence of ordinary life progressing ordinarily, supporting her belief that the Protheans were forcibly wiped out by a surprise assault. I watched her head move back and forth ever so slightly as she read from one end of the screen in front of her to the other. I felt comfortable and secure, like nothing could touch us while we were here. Perhaps that was a bit naïve, but I liked the feeling for the feeling's sake, so I indulged it.

She finished her dissertation and looked both ways before turning around and spying me. I smiled. “You sound... pretty damn smart, Liara,” I complimented her, my cheeks faintly burning as I realized I'd been staring at her again. _Well, I can't help it if I'm a little jealous of her body, right?_

“You like it?” she asked.

I experienced a brief moment of astonishment at her question. _Did she just ask me outright if I like her body? Oh wait, wrong conversation. She's talking about the paper she read to you._ Recovering, I nodded. “What I understood, definitely. Someone your age, shouldn't you be pretty familiar with having your stuff printed in journals and such?”

“I've co-written, yes, but I am only 106, which is considered young by asari standards. I'm afraid my research suffers because of long-standing asari ageism. It's been a part of our culture for as far back as anyone can remember, almost like a law of nature. It also means my writing probably won't receive the attention it deserves until I become a Matron.”

“That's the second stage of an asari's life,” I guessed, recalling what I knew of alien physiology.

“Yes,” Liara answered. She walked over and copied my posture, sitting lightly on the crates. I made a little more room for her, adjusting my position. “That won't happen for another two hundred years based on the average asari.”

“Two _centuries?_ ” I asked.

Liara didn't brag it up as I half thought she might. Instead, she replied calmly, “Yes. The exact amount of time depends a great deal on two things: genes, and how often the Maiden joins with another. The more she does, the faster her body will age to the Matron level.”

 _Sex, huh?_ My curiosity got the better of me. “What about you? You have anyone special, Liara?” I asked.

“Special? As in a romantic partner?”

I nodded vigorously. She looked down at her feet, not proud of her answer. “I'm afraid my research tends to be a very lonely affair for very long periods of time, and the few times I've come out of the ruins, I always seem to manage to put my foot in my mouth.”

I smirked, giving into the temptation to bait her. “I think it's kinda cute watching you get flustered.”

Liara looked at me sideways, aghast. Then she smiled good-naturedly and replied with even more levity, “You would! Ashley, you are so mean!” We both laughed together.

Her sharing complete, it felt like the right time to reciprocate. “Me, I've had a few boyfriends on a few of my posts, but it never felt right. So much of the time, I was just trying to hide my relationships from the rest of the garrison, especially my CO's. It felt like I was one discovery away from being suspect in their eyes. You know what I'm talking about—my grandfather. My dad used to tell me, 'a Williams has to be better than the rest, if only to avoid suspicion.' Well, having a pedestrian civilian boyfriend really felt like being just like the others—which isn't good enough for a Williams. Finally, I kinda got fed up with it, especially on Eden Prime, my last posting before this ship. I just decided, the first day I got there, I wasn't going to date anyone anymore. I was just going to go it solo this time—you know?” Liara nodded thoughtfully. Then I finished, “Turned out it wasn't so hard either. Not a whole lot of potentials to lust over on tiny, little agrarian Eden Prime.”

Liara smiled warmly at the last part. I had to grin myself; admitting to possessing lust and a sex drive wasn't something I got to do very often, especially never in my military circle. She spoke next, “So, you've made it aboard a ship. You're a—what's the word—non-commissioned officer now. Do you think you'll start dating again?”

“Na, nothing's changed really,” I replied. “I've still got to run the rat maze I'm placed inside of if I want to get any further in this military. Plus, I'm on a ship now, and that makes relationships ten times more difficult. Can't sneak away for an interlude when you're light-years apart. Hell, a mission as important as this one, you can hardly find the opportunity to send them a vidmail without breaking stealth.”

“What about someone on the ship, then?” she asked.

I shrugged, raising an eyebrow questioningly. “Like who? Not a whole lot of options on a tiny ship like this.”

“What about Commander Shepard?” she pressed. “Daniel seems—intriguing. I heard two women discussing his 'finer physical features' while they thought they were alone. Although, I have to admit, my interest in him ends with the beacon.”

I looked wide-eyed with surprise at my asari companion for a long moment before answering. _Yeah, I guess he's kinda hot—not really_ my _type—but doesn't she know you're not supposed to do that kind of stuff anyway!?_ Shaking it off, I looked at it from Liara's point of view and realized why she had brought it up all innocently. “Oh, I forget—you probably don't know a whole lot about our rules. It's a big no-no to have a personal relationship with anyone who is of a different rank than yourself. With the same rank, it's a little more accepted, but it's still _way_ out of my league, 'cause of my last name. Nope, I could only hope to find a good _civilian_ man, who lets me read poetry to him every night and loves to have hot, passionate sex afterwards. _That_ would be a dream come true.”

I recognized the look Liara gave me—she was having difficulty imaging that I could care about poetry. Shrugging, I explained, “I know I have this no-nonsense, professional marine façade, but it's only a part of who I really am. Just 'cause I can snipe a guy from two hundred meters, and am constantly surrounded by the reality of death, doesn't mean I can't like the soft stuff too. My dad—he loved hearing me read poetry. I memorized _Ulysses_ from reading it to him every time before I shipped out. He must have had a dozen recordings of me by the time it was all said and done.”

“You are very close to your father?” Liara asked.

“Yes. I miss him a lot sometimes; he died a while back.”

“He is safe and cared for by the goddess,” Liara's reply was ingrained and traditional, another piece of her culture coming through and surprising me. I made a mental note to ask about it later.

“Who's your father, Liara? What is your family like?”

“My father...” Liara's eyes darkened and I could tell I'd stumbled across some kind of minefield. “I don't know who my father was—although I do know she was asari.”

I waited for her to explain why that mattered so much, but Liara wasn't talking. I pushed gently, confused. “What's so different about that?”

Liara glanced at me before pulling her arms tighter to her sides and sliding slightly further away. She was responding to a threat. I was a threat just because I was asking about this.

_Well far be it for me to threaten someone as innocent and kind as Liara. I'll just skip to religion instead; maybe that will distract her and make her ease up again._

Before I changed the topic, however, Liara worked up enough nerve to continue. “Having two asari for parents makes me a _pureblood—_ an inferior asari. It is a word covered with negative connotation. No asari would ever be cruel enough to say it to my face—it is a great insult among my people.

“It came about because we believe that through our reproduction with other races we enhance our race, making stronger and smarter asari in future generations. Conversely, if we reproduce with only ourselves, nothing is thought gained.

“It is possible my mother's mate was embarrassed by their union. She may have been too—ashamed to have publicly acknowledged me as her offspring.”

“Maybe she wanted to, ” I interrupted. “Maybe she wanted to meet you but couldn't—something could have happened to her; maybe she died.” _MAYBE SHE DIED, ASHLEY? Smooth. Real freaking smooth! Whack your head against something! Now! You deserve it! Ugh._ I managed to repress the urge to harm myself, but felt the painful embarrassment acutely.

“You might be right,” Liara admitted. “I hope you are, but I have no way to know for sure. Benezia never spoke of her partner. Whatever happened, it caused my mother too much pain to dwell on it. She raised me by herself.”

“That must have been hard,” I empathized.

“Not really; many asari raise their children alone, particularly if the father species is short-lived. An asari's partner may die before their child even has a chance to grow into a young adult.”

“Oh,” I interjected quietly. “I guess that kind of brings me around to another question I have. Earlier, you mentioned the 'goddess' caring for my father. Who is she?” I asked, grateful for a change of subject.

“The goddess Athame.”

“Do you believe in more than one?”

Liara smiled at my interest. “No, Ashley, I am monotheistic. I believe in only one higher power. Why such interest?”

“Because I'm religious too,” I replied excitedly. “And I only believe in one higher power. We share that in common.”

Liara and I continued to talk about religion for a while. Despite a different name and different picture of what the higher power physically looked like, our religions matched on a great deal many issues, such as decency towards others, wrongdoing, and the sanctity of love. As we talked further, I felt something being forged between us. It was an iron shield, a protective connection, that would forever bind both of us in friendship. “Best friends” seemed horribly inadequate to me to describe the connection humming between us.

Right away, I knew whatever was thrown at us now, we would be the stronger to face it because of what had formed between us today. I also knew my days as Pressley's spy were numbered. I had to stop this investigation soon—somehow. My conscience wouldn't allow me to continue operating this way. I just had to figure out how...

() () () () ()

Shepard called a briefing as the _Normandy_ raced along to its destination. It was time to find out what he'd discovered, and what would be expected of us. “We're going to Feros,” he announced to his team of six.

“I'm not familiar with it,” Tali inquired implicitly.

“It's a human colony,” I announced, knowing of it quite well from all the recruitment advertisements I'd seen, “built around old _Prothean_ buildings.” Everyone in the room bristled under the significance of _that_ statement.

Shepard nodded. “Chief Williams is right. We've confirmed that the geth have assaulted our colony there. Our favorite former-Spectre somehow must have his hand in this. There's no telling why he's there until we get there ourselves, but we have to be ready to move. Ashley and Wrex are with me in the advance team. It's going to be a hot drop—right on top of the geth bastards. We'll hit them hard and fast, try to save the Zhu's Hope colony, as well as find out whatever it is Saren's looking for on our world. Alenko: you, Garrus, and Tali are to set up a perimeter around the ship. If the geth slip past us, I don't want to give them a chance to damage the _Normandy_. Any delay for repairs might give Saren the time he needs to disappear again. We need to be ready to chase him. Joker: that means you're pulling a double-shift today. I need my best pilot to be ready for some fancy flying if necessary.”

“No problem, boss.” Joker's voice cut in over the comm briefly before leaving again.

“Commander,” Liara cut in, “I may be of assistance on this mission. I'm quite familiar with Feros and some of the historical discoveries made there—both ones that were reported to the Citadel Council, and others that were traded via the black market for profit. I might be able to help you discern Saren's motivation.”

Shepard shook his head. “You'll have to be my expert over the radio, Doctor. Taking you into the middle of an invasion and placing you within Saren's grasp would be irresponsible. I need you to stay here. If we have any questions or potential leads, we'll be sure to relay them back to you so you can weigh in.”

“Commander, please, I'm in no need of _babysitting—._ ”

“Sorry, Liara, but I've made up my mind. Wrex, Ashley, be ready to move the moment we hit atmosphere.”

“Sir,” I answered. Wrex nodded his affirmation. Shepard dismissed everyone curtly. Liara's eyes followed me, begging for me to intercede on her behalf. I shrugged very lightly so only she would pick up on it—if Shepard didn't want to risk Liara's life, I certainly wasn't going to ask him to reconsider. _He's right, after all. Saren might use this as an opportunity. I can't let that happen. I'm the soldier here, I'll do the work._ The team got to their feet and left the comm room.

Half an hour after the briefing broke up, Pressley called me into a quick private meeting. I was checking the mako with Garrus when my radio squawked. Garrus promised to finish up while I headed back up to the comm room, empty except for myself and my XO. I wasn't looking forward to this meeting. Pressley still expected me to be spying on all the aliens for signs of duplicity. Well, not only hadn't I seen any, but my conscience was bothering me all the more the longer I worked this assignment. It felt like I was lying to Liara every time I failed to tell her. I hated it with a vengeance, but I felt trapped.

Still, I pushed that aside, hoping he wouldn't ask too many questions.

As the door closed us off from the rest of the crew, I briefly entertained the thought that if the crew heard, I might have allies to help me in this situation. _More than likely he does this privately so the aliens can't find out from someone in the crew, but it makes me wonder if perhaps he also keeps it hushed because the rest of the crew would have a problem like I'm having? Sounds like wishful thinking. Well, time to get to it then, soldier. Find that professional core of yours and stand strong._ “Commander.”

“Gunnery Chief. I want an update on the aliens.”

“Well, sir, I've been watching and talking with them, and they seem above-board to me. Tali is here because she thinks she may learn something new about the geth and how to control them. She wants very much to help her people return home to the Perseus Veil one day. She wouldn't do anything to jeopardize this chance, this opportunity, to score a victory against the geth.”

Pressley didn't bite. “I'm sure they each have plausible cover stories, Chief. I want to know if they're working against this ship.”

“They aren't,” I retorted. “Look, Liara didn't even know about her mother until we told her; Wrex seems bloodthirsty, but he has his eye on Saren, not us. On Therum, Garrus was professional and followed every order I gave, and on the _Normandy_ , he's been actively partaking in the briefings and has some good investigative instincts. I think the Commander is right about—” _these aliens. But that's prejudiced, isn't it?_ “—them. They are trustworthy.”

“That's all you have for me, Chief?” Pressley asked.

I nodded. “Yes, Sir.” I held my breath.

Pressley looked at me with narrowed eyes. “I'm disappointed. It seems you've become biased in their favor. What happened to the soldier I gave this job to? Where did she go? She wouldn't buy into their acts so easily, start swallowing their crap and calling the ground they walk on gold.”

I felt my anger rising. _How dare you, you schizo grandfather! You'd think you'd be old enough to know better!_ My voice hardened. “Sir, with respect, I'm not doing that at all. I've been watching them as ordered, I've gone through their private files and communications, and I've talked with all of them. _There_ _simply isn't anything subversive to report!_ ”

“Maybe you were the wrong person for this job,” Pressley replied, pacing in front of me with his hands clasped behind his back. He stopped suddenly, turning towards me with his face set in hard lines of anger. His voice was sharp enough to cut diamonds. “Or maybe my orders were not explained properly to you. Let me clarify this for you, Chief. I want these aliens _off my ship!_ Is that clear? Find whatever damn dirt they're hiding under their alien fingernails, or so help me, I'll find a way to throw _you_ off the _Normandy_. You better have some results the next time I call you for an update. DISMISSED.”

_I can see it already. Next performance review: Poor. Freaking bang-up job, Ash. Damn him—where does he get off calling me nonobjective when he's convinced they're trying to betray us? Hypocrite. I can't do this anymore. I can't hurt Liara either, doing like he asked. She's become my friend. What the hell am I supposed to do?_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

 

I'd trained myself not to grit my teeth during battle. It was necessary if I wanted to still have good teeth when I finished my service to the Alliance. So, fighting amongst the ruins of Feros, with geth swarming in from the far end of the open courtyard, I was _most certainly not_ gritting them as I squeezed off bursts with my assault rifle. Instead, I gripped the weapon tighter, measured my breathing, and examined all the threats incoming.

There was moderate cover in the courtyard itself, so long as we didn't mind slugging it out front-to-front and ignored the flanks, which had comparatively little cover to exploit. The geth were streaming in from the far left through a thin doorway. Their numbers were growing and becoming problematic. If they didn't run out of troops very soon, we'd be the ones forced to retreat. Considering we were each at least twenty feet from the next potential cover we could pull back to, chances were that none of us would make out of the courtyard, even with a full barrier.

A small flying recon drone, heedless of the danger, moved to flank us and attempted to surprise us when we ducked behind cover to recharge our kinetic barriers. I growled, remembering the role they played in killing my former unit. _Die!_ I shouted mentally at it. I imagined I was hurling my hate at it, using the assault rifle as a conduit to allow my wrath to take physical form. I depressed the trigger fully as I swung the barrel to face it, spraying bullets until I saw it collapse to the ground in a minor explosion. My weapon overheated from the lengthy fully-automatic burst, rendering it useless for a good four to six seconds while it dumped its heat.

As the weapon warned me it needed a reprieve, a bullet deflected off my barriers right next to my left ear. I turned to face the rest of the geth and very suddenly realized I'd overstayed my welcome in their line of fire. The suit's desperate warning of low barrier integrity struck brief fear into me. I ducked down just in time behind my cover, waiting for the barrier to recharge.

Once the assault rifle was ready, I set it on top of the cover I hid behind, letting it lay on its side and present a small target to the geth. I squeezed the trigger again, spraying bullets randomly in the enemy's direction, hoping to suppress some of them. It didn't work well, but I hadn't expected a rousing success with the maneuver. The randomness of the fire meant the kinetic barriers of the footsoldiers easily absorbed what tiny bit of punishment happened to strike them.

As Daniel Shepard ducked behind cover, he ordered, “Williams, move along the right side and flank them!”

I pulled my weapon back down off my cover and clutched it to my chest. I looked at him incredulously as he ducked behind his cover _to my right_ and waited for his kinetic barriers to recharge. I knew I had to do it, but I'd never received orders that didn't make any sense before; not in the middle of a life-or-death battle. I hadn't expected to hear it from him, especially. He wanted me to stop my assault, and run _right past him_ to flank the right side, while he was closer and better covered to maneuver and flank the geth himself.

The worst part of it was the significantly higher danger. If I was wounded, this fight was lost, and we were all as good as dead. If I was Shepard, I wouldn't have decided to take the risk. _Maybe he doesn't realize..._ “Sir, I don't think I can get there!”

“Williams, do it now before they kill us!” Shepard shouted, glancing right at me. “We'll cover you as best we can!”

An unnerving realization settled upon me. _Whomever goes to the right flank won't find very substantial cover to use. It might suffice if the battle is wrapped up quickly, but it might not; that's the risk. Could that be why he's forcing me to do it?_

Even as my mind screamed in protest and fear, I was up and running for the right flank. I heard the bullets hitting my barriers and deflecting. I reached a low-lying rock three-quarters of the way to my destination and dove behind it as the suit's warning system yelled at me once again. The rock was not wide enough to lie completely stretched out, so as I skid to a stop, I drew up my legs and lay on my right side in a fetal position trying to fit; this cover was just not large enough. I was hoping my smaller stature would allow for an exception, but I couldn't tell for certain until I was already behind it.

I heard the incoming fire impacting the rock and breaking off small flecks, some of which bounced off my helmet and its visor, while others were aimed just right to dig at my cheek, unpleasant in their sharpness. I balled myself up a little tighter, hoping against hope that the geth didn't have an angle to shoot at me. My kinetic barriers finally recharged once again— _I did it!_ Relief flowed through me briefly before I returned to the stony stoicism of a soldier that needed to concentrate on the battle.

“Cover me!” It was probably redundant, but I yelled it regardless, fear making me stressed and frustrated. I turned and got on my hands and knees, which was tall enough to be exposed to incoming fire. I wasn't about to wait for the geth to pick apart my barriers again, so I surged into a mad dash for the slightly more substantial cover provided along the right flank. I heard a grenade detonate over by the geth lines—maybe that would buy me the reprieve I needed to make it. My barriers went alight as a shock trooper turned his full attention onto me. Just as I'd seen the recon drone and reacted accordingly, he'd seen me and deciphered exactly what I was trying to do.

My kinetic barrier collapsed with a deep _ba-whump_ just before I reached cover and ducked behind it. I felt a viscous kick to my chest before I reached safety—the geth had hit me almost entirely sans barrier. The impact forced the air from my lungs in a surprised grunt, and combined with my sprint, winded me briefly. There was a dull flash of pain accompanying it as well, worrying me it might have gotten through my armor. I straightened as I leaned against the pillar that was protecting me from further attack and looked down, feeling along the rise of my bust with one gloved hand. I found the bullet wedged a few centimeters above my left breast, barely stopped by the tough ceramic plate of the armor, which was now cracked and broken. I took a shuddering breath, realizing just how close I'd been to getting seriously hurt. If the bullet had possessed only a slight bit more kinetic energy— _well, best not to think about such things, especially right now._

I couldn't waste any more time. The kinetic barriers were one second away from recharging. I leveled my assault rifle and carefully spun out from behind my cover just enough to get a read on the situation and find my best target.

I returned the favor to the geth shock trooper who'd shot me. He tried to find cover to hide behind, but nothing afforded protection from the line with Shepard and Wrex and my line of sight. He jerked with impacts as his shield collapsed, falling to the ground with some outraged chirps in the geth language. I smirked and ducked behind cover as more geth diverted fire to try and suppress me.

They couldn't pin me down me and hide from Shepard and Wrex at the same time, however, and my squad's fire eventually drove them back under cover to recharge their barriers. I spun from behind cover once again, taking a geth trooper out while he crouched to recharge his shields. I saw tracers coming in my direction and felt the kinetic barriers doing their duty to keep me alive, so I mopped up another geth as quickly as I could before I was forced behind cover.

Every time they shot at me and my cover, they continued to break off larger and larger pieces of the pillar. The pillar had been barely wide enough to protect me when it was undamaged; as time progressed, the holes punched into it were placing me in further and further danger. If it got thin enough, a lucky bullet could find its way through what remained of the pillar and hit me while I waited for my barrier to recharge.

Fortunately for me, the final remnants of the geth forces were quickly routed, thanks to us owning one of their flanks. They soon joined their companions on the ground, lifeless. I stepped out from my cover once it was declared clear and wandered back to the Commander's position.

“Nice work, Williams,” he praised. From where his stare fixated, I could tell he saw the bullet lodged in my armor.

I cleared my throat. His eyes shot back up to mine. “Right,” I answered, not horribly enthusiastic. _You almost got me killed because you wouldn't listen, wouldn't do it yourself—with a better chance of success than I had._ If he wasn't my CO, or if we'd at least been alone, I would have really torn into him—but fortunately for Shepard, my military training, and the fact we still had a job to do here, kept my normally unruly tongue at bay. _Remember, the most important thing right now is to stop the geth and save the Zhu's Hope outpost._

“Let's keep moving.” Wrex intervened by taking one step in between us.

Shepard nodded. It looked to me like he could tell I wasn't happy with him right then. _I hope that he does know. He deserves more than just my silent smoldering gaze, and he should realize that._ Commander Shepard then ordered Wrex and I to catch up and take the lead ahead of him. I did as he asked, deciding to stay completely silent lest I lose my perilous control.

() () () () ()

Exogeni was an expansive human corporation that largely bankrolled the colonization effort on Feros; most everyone living at the Zhu's Hope outpost worked for the company. The geth were interested in their headquarters on this planet, and we followed them there. Using an ID card provided by Lizbeth Baynham, one of the sole survivors hiding at the company headquarters, Shepard interrogated the facility's VI after clearing the building of geth.

From it, and from Baynham herself, we learned about the Thorian: the reason Exogeni bankrolled the colonization effort. It was a sentient plant, many times bigger than most trees, and unique in more ways than one compared to typical flora and fauna. The worst part, however, was that it could control the minds of humans through the gradual inhalation of spores; a sort of defense mechanism. The VI stated that it was believed to only interfere in the normal lives of the infected when it needed their help tending to it or defending it from aggressors.

It hit me like a krogan's kick to the chest when we learned Zhu's Hope sat right on top of the largely-underground plant creature. Exogeni was studying the progression and effects of the Thorian's mind control, using the colonists—their own _employees—_ as unwitting test subjects in a live experiment. Lizabeth Baynham herself had been threatened into silence, as those in charge of the project had the power to infect her or worse to keep her quiet. The disruption and distraction of the geth attack gave her a window to attempt to inform Colonial Affairs about what was going on here, but the frequencies were jammed by the geth before she could send it.

Commander Shepard promised to deal with the Thorian and the geth as necessary. Baynham looked incredibly relieved. She hid to await rescue while we continued our mission. The geth were interested in the Thorian too; although, for reasons unknown. They seemed more set on destroying it than anything else, which puzzled me, since that would seem to be _helping_ the human colonists. At this point, however, the geth's mission was all but a total failure as most of their forces had been wiped out. Defending the colony was still essential; there was no guarantee all the geth were destroyed until more ships and marines arrived to secure Feros' surface.

We sped back to Zhu's Hope, but we were already too late. The colonists were under the Thorian's control. They still had their weapons that they'd used to hold off the geth. The Thorian seemed to perceive us as hostiles, forcing the colonists to hold us away from the entrance to its underground liar. They didn't have much except for sub-standard pistols and assault rifles, but it was still enough to kill us if we tried to push our way into the colony. Wrex and I were covered up at point, while Shepard analyzed the situation.

“We've got to get through them,” he announced.

“How?” I asked, exasperated. I tried to remember alternate approaches, but Zhu's Hope was small and it had very tall walls around the perimeter. Those walls had been the saving grace when it was just the colonists against the geth, and now it was again giving the colonists the advantage they needed, only now it was used against _us._ “I can't stick my nose out for two seconds before someone's trying to shoot it off. They've plugged our only way back into the colony.”

“We fight back,” Shepard announced.

“We _what_ , sir?!” I couldn't believe what I'd heard.

“Chief, that's an order. We need to get through here. Time is of the essence. We don't want to wait around long enough for that Thorian to control _us_ , too.”

“Wrex can put them in a stasis field,” I suggested. “Let us slip past.”

Wrex grunted in disagreement. “I can't do more than one or two at a time, Williams. We've got six of them just at this entrance to the colony. What do you suggest we do about the other four? Wait for them to run out of ammo? No way we can stop them all with only a few stasis fields.”

“I guess I really should have listened to Liara and brought her along,” Shepard quipped. “What happens when we get deeper into the colony and even more come out of the woodwork, too?”

He already wasn't paying attention to either of our faces, and I knew the question was rhetorical. Obviously, we _would_ be forced to shoot at least some of them. I shuddered at the thought. Shepard's face was gravely serious as he plotted out a new course of action. “Williams, Wrex, use pistols. Load them with armor piercing rounds.”

“Armored rounds will go right through them,” I retorted, sheathing my assault rifle while Shepard covered us with sporadic fire from his own assault rifle.

“That's the idea, Chief,” he replied. “It'll be less harmful in the long run. We're going to try for non-lethal force. Aim to injure. Get their weapon hand, if you can. No kill shots.”

“You really think we'll get perfect clean shots on every colonist? You think we won't kill at least some of them? _They're our people,_ ” I protested as the armor piercing clip was inserted into my pistol and clicked into position. I pulled the slide, loading the first round.

“I know, but this is the only choice I have left. Follow my orders, Chief.” Shepard's command voice washed against me like a tsunami. Grimly, I realized that there was no choice in the matter. This would be my first time shooting a civilian. Hostile criminals, all the time. Innocent civilians? Never. My hands shook, and I felt a little sick. Wrex seemed to notice and immediate ducked out of cover to fire his pistol at the six humans holding us back. As he swung back behind his cover, I knew it was my turn— _now or never, soldier! You know your orders!_

_God forgive me._

Gripping the weapon firmly and confirming the shaking had dissipated, I crouched and peeked out at the enemy forces. All six were still in the fight and looking uninjured; Wrex hadn't announced any hits, so that wasn't unexpected. What did take me by surprise, however, was that I recognized my first target's face—he was a civilian volunteer who'd been manning the line against the geth for an entire day straight. At the time I'd first met him upon our arrival at Feros, he'd been stressed out, on his last nerve, and desperately defending the colony from the geth.

() () () () ()

I patrolled the defensive line drawn up around the tower—the heart of the colony. A geth dropship had used a hole in its partially-collapsed ceiling to drop troops right into the middle of the colony, bypassing the perimeter defenses. Shepard, Wrex, and I had just returned from securing the tower as the drop ship finally gave up and moved off. I heard Daniel chuckle and shake Fai Dan's hand, hearing him thank the Spectre for helping him save the colony. Fai Dan was the consummate civilian leader—assuming that stopping the drop ship had magically fixed all the problems. He was completely wrong on that, but I didn't say anything and let him talk to Shepard. Meanwhile, I spoke to another civilian, who had been guarding the exit to the tower, keeping the geth back. His eyes looked too dilated to me.

“What's your name?” I asked.

“Richard. Richard Cox,” the man answered. His voice seemed off, too. He gripped his weapon tightly and looked up at the sky again, checking to see if the drop ship was coming back.

“It's all right now, Mr. Cox,” I told him, exuding authority. “We're here now. Your colony will be safe soon.”

“Faceless bastards kept coming and coming,” Richard mumbled, and I sympathized. It had to have been a frightening experience. The geth had the advantage of not caring about their singular soldiers' lives, and they could use this lack of fear to their advantage when it suited them. It made them tougher and more deadly than any other army in the galaxy. Facing a horde like that, without decent weapons or training of any sort, could have done a number on anybody.

“You did good. You kept them out of the colony until we got here. It's safe right now. Lighten up on your weapon—take your finger off the trigger.” I pointed until the words registered in his mind and he complied, looking sheepish.

“Sorry. I'm not really supposed to do this sort of stuff—just a tech analyst who wanted to make better money and live on cheaper property—I—I don't think I've even fired a weapon before.”

I flashed a smile to further calm and disarm him, rewarding him for standing down. He had been making me nervous the way he always seemed a slight twitch away from shooting someone accidentally. “Really? Well, congratulations are in order. You really rose to the occasion. You're a hero, you know that?”

Mr. Cox looked at me a little strangely. “I—hadn't thought about it.”

“Good heroes never do,” I told him. “They just do what has to be done. They don't think about the glory that comes later, because really, that part of it isn't important.”

“Ok,” he agreed. He seemed to become less jumpy as we talked.

“What's your name?” he asked.

I considered what to tell him; maybe a first name would help him the best. He wasn't military, that much was obvious, so a full rank would probably make his eyes gloss over. I wanted to connect with him, get him to trust me, to make sure he was all right. “Ashley.”

“No, what's your whole name, rank, everything?” he insisted, almost demanding.

I narrowed my eyes slightly at him, suspicious of why he thought it so important to know. “Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, SSV Normandy.”

“Gunnery Chief. Ashley Williams. Normandy.” He repeated this mantra four times, softly. Finally, he explained, “I've got it now. Thanks. I want to know who to thank when the reporters finally show up and give us our fifteen minutes.”

“Heh.” I couldn't help but be a little sarcastic about his offer. “Thanks. You don't have to do that, though. The Alliance will get reports from the crew; they'll know who to thank for responding, me included.”

“It's not the same,” Mr. Cox told me. “A faceless name in some report that only Generals get to see. The media can give you a face. Give you proper notoriety for saving us.”

I supposed he had a point, however, I couldn't help but think about what the media had done to my grandfather. I didn't trust them. Not wanting to fully explain this, I gave an excuse. “Like I said, the glory is only a distraction. Saving lives is what's important. The media, the news—they're consumed by their ratings, and they can be fickle sometimes. I generally steer clear of them because of that.”

“Well, you can trust me,” Richard told me. “You don't realize how thankful I am that you're here now. I've been up for almost thirty hours now, and I took these drugs called stims to stay awake... I don't know what is in them, but the few marines here couldn't use them all, so they shared them with the rest of us. Now I feel like a rubbery alien in my own body. I just want it to be over so I can collapse in my bed and pretend this was all a nightmare. That is, if these things ever wear off and let me sleep again. If the geth are truly done with us.”

I could see he was in a bit of denial, afraid this reprieve was not meant to last. I'd seen things like this before, even in seasoned soldiers. _For that matter, I've even been that way a time or two. Sometimes, all a person in this kind of state needs is a little reassurance from someone else._

“It'll be ok,” I assured him. “We're here to help you. The worst is over. Your enemy is our enemy, and there's absolutely no hope for anyone who stands in our way. Ok?”

“Ok.” Cox seemed to think about it, and then became relieved. “Ok. You're right. Thank you, Ashley Williams.” I could almost see his thoughts as he kept repeating my rank, name, and ship to memorize it. I smiled. _You'll be ok again, Mr. Cox. It just takes time._

() () () () ()

As surreal as it seemed to me, I'd now become Richard's enemy. _There's absolutely no hope for anyone who stands in our way,_ I remembered telling him. He was probably thinking about the same thing. I wondered how afraid he might be, knowing that we were on opposite sides of the fence now. My breathing stopped as I aimed at his left arm. My finger was on the trigger, and I could feel the bullets deflecting off my kinetic barriers—an advantage he wouldn't have. He didn't have the training for this. His death grip on his pistol was haphazard at best, lowering his accuracy. He wasn't taking the time to aim properly like I was doing now. He wasn't a soldier. This wasn't right. None of it was right.

My heart skipped a beat as I felt the pistol buck against my hands; my mind almost taken by surprise that I'd actually pulled the trigger. Armor piercing rounds were stronger alloys than shredders, meant to hold together and pierce metal as opposed to breaking apart and causing massive damage to soft tissues. Richard Cox dropped his pistol and clutched his left arm in pain. I could see the red spurting through his fingers. The round probably went straight through his arm, and judging by the sudden outpouring of blood, it'd hit the major artery too. He was dead; it was only a matter of time until he realized it. My armor protested loudly in my ear as my kinetic barriers were about to fail. I pulled back behind cover and yelled, “One down, upper right.” _No no no no no!_ I couldn't cry, not right now, but I was mortified. _Put it aside. Distraction will get you killed!_

His face—I could still see his face while I'd aimed at him. He'd looked more pained than angry. I'd seen a lot of hatred directed at me while my opponent and I stood on opposite sides of battlefield. In an odd way it comforted me to know the person I shot was fueled by hatred, an evil persuasion. What did it mean, then, that my enemy was no longer evil in that way? Was I the corrupted one now?

Wrex, already prepared for his turn, took out two on the left with shots to the shoulder of their weapon hands. “Two on the left down,” he announced.

Shepard continued using his assault rifle to nonspecifically plug the area with bullets and keep them back behind their cover instead of advancing and overrunning our position. My mind began to empty out completely. I was withdrawing inside myself, protecting myself from seeing what I was doing, or thinking about who I was hurting. Within a heartbeat, even that realization was swallowed up into a dark recess in my mind. Every thought was gone but one—the mission, the order, and this battle.

Numbly, I waited a second longer for my kinetic barriers to recharge fully, and then exposed myself to fire again, taking out the final two on the right with shots to their shoulders. “Two, right side, down!”

Wrex let out a growl then that surprised both Shepard and myself. He ran out into the area where the final colonist was huddled, firing his pistol in vain into Wrex's kinetic barriers. The battlemaster ran right up to the man and punched him in the stomach hard enough to throw him back against the freighter behind him. His unresponsive body slowly slid down the freighter's outer hull until he looked almost like he was sitting and sleeping against it. Shepard and I quickly followed Wrex into the next area. We began securing weapons like mad before any of the still-living colonists could attempt to recover them.

“He's out cold,” Wrex announced, “and the rest of these guys are injured and weaponless. I say we treat them.”

Vaguely, I considered that I should weigh in on the proposition. Tell him I agreed. I was still mute, however, and I simply sheathed my pistol.

“Work quickly,” Shepard warned. “The other colonists will use the opportunity to reinforce their position; we'll have a tough fight ahead of us with the remaining colonists.”

“Yes, sir.” I pulled out the first aid and medi-gel kits. Two colonists were already hopeless, having lost too much blood. They were both pale. One was Richard, but that failed to reach my awareness. Those still alive were all screaming and moaning unintelligibly, a cacophony of dying sounds. I trembled slightly as I approached the nearest colonists and began to tear open the field kits.

Wrex came to my side and got down on one knee next to me, his pistol still in hand, but pointed at nothing in particular. He leaned his massive arm against his thigh and came fairly close to me. Quietly, his thick bass voice rolled over me, covering up the colonists' cries, “You know what to do. Spread the powder over the wound. Get the medi-gel ready.” I felt like a robot obeying orders. My mind seemed to kick back on suddenly, and thought and emotion hit me like a loaded cargo tram at full speed. Inside, I felt torn and sick. _This was not what defending people in the Marines was supposed to be like. You weren't supposed to be shooting them. Oh, God!_

I must have become noticeably distressed, because Wrex was quick to intervene. “Williams! He's good, next patient,” he ordered impatiently, pulling me gruffly by the back of the neck with one massive three-fingered hand. I barely kept all the medical supplies in hand as I was wrenched and deposited a few feet away at the next fallen civilian. He stayed by my side as I worked. Tears stung at my eyes, but I wiped them gruffly away and worked mechanically, relying on training as my mind tried to shut down and stop seeing their suffering, what _we'd_ done to them.

The one I was treating was sweating from the pain. He had a single shot to the right shoulder. As I applied medi-gel, he grabbed my arm in a weak hold. “I couldn't stop it,” he confessed, unintentionally spitting on my visor and chin. I flinched. As he grabbed me more insistently I recoiled, but then I overcame my fearful response and listened to him speak as he held onto me. “The pain, you can't believe the pain. You have to do what it says or the pain comes back.” He cried out as Wrex helped pull him into a sitting position from where he lay. “My head!—wants me to kill you—.” The man passed out. I quickly checked his vitals; he was alive, but in serious trouble. I held my breath, but he didn't return to consciousness. His face was still contorted with pain; perhaps it was for the best.

Shepard split his time covering us and glancing uncomfortably at me. He seemed on the verge of saying something, but never actually did. I hardly noticed it until the last patient was field-treated. I stowed away the remaining medical supplies and stood up slowly. He nodded to Wrex. “You take point, Wrex. Ashley, behind me.”

Looking around at the civilians, I felt pallid with a tinge of dizziness. The blood was draining from my face and threatening to starve my brain of oxygen. I began to hyperventilate, a biological response to keep my brain oxygenated, but it was not going to fix my problem. I was seconds away from fainting, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Wrex stepped in front of me with a grimace. He looked apologetically at me. Then, with a swipe of his hand, he slapped me hard enough to knock me off my feet.

“Wrex?!” Shepard came to my defense, a one-word question and an order all rolled into one.

I caught myself on my knees and one hand as I fell. My heartbeat accelerated, and my breathing was shocked back into a more proper rhythm as I gasped deeply. I stood back up and felt my rage burning just like the heat in my cheek. I marched back to Wrex, but he didn't recoil.

“Stay with us, Williams,” Wrex intoned. “There's more work to be done.”

My anger continued to fester. I forgot entirely about almost passing out; the only thing on my mind was how furious I was. I growled threateningly. “You son-of-a—Why the hell did you do that!?”

“To keep you conscious,” he replied flatly. He turned to Shepard, “Shepard, we're ready to go here.”

I growled again, filled with anger. It took some time for me to cool off, and knowing I would soon be entering combat, I used breathing exercises to restore my center and focus. Eventually, I realized he'd done me a favor without me asking for help, and while it was a little nontraditional—like everything about the merc, he did it because it worked.

() () () () ()

The three of us looked over the edge at the cavernous gap where the Thorian had hung suspended mere moments ago. I almost dropped my shotgun with relief. Pain was shooting throughout my body, and all I wanted to do was give in and collapse right where I stood. I leaned against a wall of earth and tried to breathe evenly. Absently, I tried to wipe some kind of toxic venom off my face and my armor. Whatever it was, some of it went right through my skin and now it was attacking me from the inside. I wasn't sure if I'd make it back to the _Normandy_ or not. Fear filled me, threatening to take control. _No, you'll make it, Ashley. It just hurts. It just hurts. Maybe it can't kill you, and it just hurts._

I didn't believe it, really. Today was far too dark to have good news and hot chocolate waiting at the end of the tunnel. I was trapped remembering the distraught leader of the colony, Fai Dan. After stopping all the colonists attempting to kill us, he had appeared last from around a corner, looking pained, and confessed to having been responsible for their protection and unwittingly failing them. He cried out, “It wants me to kill you, but I won't! I won't!!!”

Fai Dan had a pistol in his hand at the time. We all had our weapons trained on him, but it ultimately wasn't necessary. Instead of obeying the Thorian, Fai Dan pressed his pistol to the side of his head while his hand shook. I heard the loud rapport of that single bullet again, searing through me and causing me to jump noticeably, just as it had the first time. The memory was so fresh and raw. I could hardly believe the transformation these last few hours had wrought on the colony, changing the tone from robust life to horrible suffering and death. Shepard had promised Fai Dan when we first arrived that he would help save the colony. He may have vocalized it, but I made the same exact promise inside. That promise felt empty to me now; so I felt empty, too.

I'd kept it together until now. We'd progressed underground, and traced down the Thorian. It was an ugly thing. It had something that looked similar to a face with a single large “mouth” that seemed to constantly drip some kind of white fluid, which filled the whole area with an overpowering fetid smell that made me want to puke. When we found it, it actually _sprouted_ an asari commando from inside its massive sac body and out of this mouth, who proceeded to act as its voice. _Sprouting asari,_ I thought to myself—I still couldn't believe it. _But tinged green, and slick with that disgusting fluid from the Thorian._ I could think of no time in all my life when I'd been so reviled.

When this happened, it took us all a moment to recover from the shock before Shepard asked for details on what Saren wanted with the sentient plant. Unfortunately, all we learned was that whatever the deal between them had been, Saren had recanted after he had what he wanted and ordered the geth to destroy it. The Thorian didn't care that we were diametrically opposed to Saren and could help it get revenge if it helped us. Instead, it lumped us together with Saren and all the other humans on this planet as simply being creatures that “scurry”—its definition for the animals—fit only to be controlled. It had decided we must all be untrustworthy and evil. Then it sent the asari to attack us, and while we fought against the biotic, it also sent forth tree-bark brown _things—_ theylooked like a plant's version of a rotting human corpse—to physically assault us. The ensuing fight was much more difficult than it could have been because all of us were also fighting an internal battle to keep our nausea at bay.

With some difficulty I pulled myself back into the present to become aware of my surroundings again. Wrex brought his weapon back up and pointed it at a sack made of slick Thorian plant material. The sack was suspended on the same wall I rested against, a piece of the Thorian that ripped apart and hadn't collapsed into the pit when we'd destroyed it. Inside it, something moved. It was big; at least as big as a person. Suddenly, the sack ripped and more liquid came gushing out. I pushed off the wall back to a standing position and leveled my shotgun. More fear and more adrenaline were released. I despaired, _How much longer can I keep doing this?_ I'd fought through countless hordes of the corpse-like creatures. Like the geth, everyone under the control of the Thorian was willing to fight to the death for it. This was all too much for me. I was too tired and in too much pain to do it all over again.

Unexpectedly, another asari emerged, coughing violently as she collapsed in a fetal position. Unlike the asari clones we'd fought before, this asari was wearing armor, and her skin was the expected purple-blue instead of green. Her suit of armor was one I recognized from some far away memory. _Shopping with Liara,_ I recalled. It was an asari brand, one we'd had to pass over.

I finally put it all together. She was an asari commando. Furthermore, she was the original that the Thorian had been cloning to attack us while we cut it loose from its moors. Shepard motioned for everyone to hold position; he kept his weapon trained on this unknown person.

“Who are you?” he demanded.

The asari couldn't answer, as she began to convulse. Shepard sheathed his weapon immediately. “Ashley, bring your medical supplies over here immediately!”

I dropped my shotgun to the ground and stepped over to where Shepard knelt next to the asari. For a moment, I imagined it was Liara convulsing wildly on the ground, dying. This spurred me forward, giving me the drive I needed to get down on my knees and begin working. Before heading underground, we'd grabbed the colony's medical supplies, as we were running out of medi-gel and other essentials to treat all the gunshot wounds. I pulled out what remained of the colony's medical kit and found a small IV, to which I added a good dose of Diazepam.

“Hold her still!” I ordered.

Shepard practically got on top of her and held her down for me. I rolled up her sleeve, located the vein in her arm, and pushed the needle in. The asari continued to thrash uncontrollably for several more seconds before the anticonvulsant took effect. As the drug worked, I let my legs slide to either side of me, tucked up close, and sat on the cold ground of the well-lit cave, instead of remaining kneeling. I held the IV bag up close to my neck and collar bones, both arms tucked close to my body. I moaned from the pain, closing my eyes tightly until tears began to fall.

“Ashley!” Shepard yelled.

I flinched, but remained exactly as I was, except hunching forward slightly more. Gravity was so heavy...

“Williams!” Wrex growled. I forced one eye open to look at Shepard.

“Stay with us, soldier,” he ordered. My lips trembled, and I fought through the pain to comply.

“Sorry, sir. It _hurts,_ ” I moaned.

“Whatever that acid crap was, she's not going to make it while we wait here and treat this asari.” Wrex picked up my shotgun, collapsing it and storing it on the clips on the back of his armor. He tightened his grip on his own shotgun.

“This asari just dropped out of that Thorian like a seed,” Shepard noted. “We need to know who she is, what she's doing here, and what she knows. She might be more cooperative than the Thorian was.”

“You have to get your Alliance doctor here immediately.”

“Radio it in, Wrex. Describe what you see, and let's see what she says. Maybe we can treat Ashley with some of the remaining supplies we have here already.”

Somehow, I could sense Wrex move away from me, probably facing the other direction while he got on the radio so he would be heard easily. My grip on the Diazepam IV bag threatened to slip. I shuffled it back up until I had a firm grasp again, holding it so gravity could do its work and force the drug into the asari's system. The asari came to, relaxing from her position and stretching out.

Wrex was at my side not even a heartbeat later from what I could tell. I opened my eyes again, taking in the asari, and then sweeping up to Wrex. He didn't look good. I knew the same toxic fluid that was in me had also gotten all over him as well. His body was probably fighting a similar war as my own.

“Who are you?” Shepard demanded of the asari again. “What's your name?”

A groggy voice answered, “S-s-shiala.”

“Shiala? Stay with us. Williams, why is she so tired?”

“The drugs—,” I managed. “Side effect.”

“Then stop treatment,” he ordered. “I need her to stay awake.”

“It's just drowsiness,” I protested, “You don't have to stop it. She could convulse again.”

“It looks to me like you're the one about to convulse,” Wrex replied. “You look really pale.”

“I need morphine,” I decided. “Can't take this anymore.”

“I'll do it,” Shepard volunteered. “Keep an eye on Shiala.”

Wrex looked down at the asari, who was watching the whole scene through heavy-lidded eyes. I felt a sharp stab as a needle was injected in my arm. Sweet relief started flowing through me; the absence of feeling, of pain. I sighed deeply, completely thankful for such a wonderful drug. Then I felt sick to my stomach. I thrust the IV bag into Shepard's hands and crawled a step or two away before my last meal finally made its way back into the daylight. A few minutes later I felt better, wiping my mouth and taking a long drink of water to clean out the stomach acid. My throat still burned unhappily. I turned to look at Shiala.

The asari was sitting up against the earthen wall with Shepard and Wrex hovering over her. I made my way back onto my feet and over to the three of them. Shiala fought against her body's demands for sleep and began answering questions.

“I was an acolyte of Lady Benezia. When she allied herself with Saren, so did I. She had hoped to guide him down a gentler path, but she underestimated his influence, as did all of us.

“Saren has a warship named _Sovereign_. It is the largest dreadnought in the galaxy. There is something about that ship. It whispers to you when you are near, driving you mad. You look but can find no source for the voice. It makes you conform to Saren; you come to believe in his goals and his plans. The strength of his influence is troubling.”

“You're saying his ship turned Lady Benezia?”

“It turned all of us...” Shiala's eyes drooped. Shepard slapped her thigh and called out her name. She refocused, shaking her head. “...against our will. We were powerless to stop it by the time it became obvious to us. It is so insidious in its slow progression; it catches you unaware.”

“Where is Saren? Where is Benezia? What did Saren want with the Thorian?”

Shiala pushed on the ground with both hands, rising to a straighter and more comfortable sitting position. Only the final question seemed to register with her. “The Thorian—exists from the time of the Protheans. It watched them build this city whose ruins now form the Thorian's home. When they died, the Thorian absorbed them. They became a part of it, and the Thorian developed the Cipher; access to the endemic ancestral memory of the Protheans. It is a sense rarely observed. Access to all their ancestor's past memories. If you have the Cipher, you have an understanding of what it means to be a Prothean. Saren needed it to understand the message from Eden Prime.”

“Then I need this Cipher,” Shepard announced, “but the Thorian is dead.”

“I have it,” Shiala sighed. “The Thorian gave it to me so I could I transfer it to Saren. As payment Saren gave me to the Thorian. It can make copies of my body; thralls to fight and defend it.”

“We know; we had to kill them to get to you,” Wrex stated, a smug and very proud smile on his face.

Shiala said nothing at first, seemingly lost in thought. “If I could only concentrate; I could transfer it from my mind to yours.”

Shepard considered this. “What if another asari came here? Can she link your minds together and get the Cipher while you are still dazed?”

“Yes, it might work.”

“Shepard to the _Normandy_. Liara, suit up and report to our position along with Chakwas. We need your assistance as soon as possible.”

“I'll be there shortly, Commander,” Liara's voice came over the radio.

Wrex spared a glance in my direction. “Hanging in there, Williams?”

I nodded. “The morphine helped a lot. It took the pain away. I'm probably still in deep trouble, but I can move on my own.”

“Good.” He relaxed his grip on his weapon slightly. “I have a feeling we won't be here too much longer, and help's on the way.”

() () () () ()

“Are you all right?” came the innocuous question. Shepard was already medically cleared by Chakwas while I received an anti-venom for the poison that had infiltrated my blood stream. The toxins had seeped through my skin easily when the thralls, as we'd begun to call them, essentially barfed all over me. Wrex was also getting anti-venom injections, but he seemed much more at ease. Personally, I had begun to feel pain _everywhere_ once again; as if every nerve in my body had been singed within an inch of its life.

I cleared my throat. “I'll be fine, Sir.”

“She just needs rest, Commander,” Chakwas answered. “Was the mission a success, at least?”

Shepard turned towards her. “It was. The colonists are safe now—and free of the Thorian's mind control. I just hope what I learned from Shiala will help us finally catch up to Saren.” He looked less than convinced, and he was still pained by the Cipher, which had been transferred via a telepathic link thanks to Liara. I wished I'd had my faculties about me when Liara had come and done this, but at the time I was in pain again and failed to even notice her arrival. Shepard left the med bay slowly.

Wrex got up off his biobed and walked to my side. Chakwas objected, but he shot one look over his broad shoulder, and she quieted down, giving him a firm look of disapproval nevertheless. “One minute, Doc,” he demanded. Chakwas threw up her hands in disgust and went into the back room, Liara's lab. He turned to face me once he was sure she was gone. “I'm sorry about what had to happen down there,” Wrex told me. “Shooting civilians. Not a note I expected to end our day on.”

I felt too weak and pained to move my neck, so I answered quietly through a cracked voice, “Me either.” Somehow, he knew the depth of my remorse, because he picked up on it instantly. _Kind of scary how well he's got you figured out, Ash. He can read people like nobody's business._

“The ones who didn't make it—it isn't your fault. You tried to save them.”

“While I shot them?” My brow furrowed in consternation. “Some hero I am.”

“You followed orders,” Wrex defended when he saw I wasn't willing to defend myself. “They were shooting at us. Human or not, hostiles are hostiles.”

“Despite what you may think, I don't have a problem with shooting the enemy, no matter what race they are,” I rasped. “But—technically these people weren't the enemy. The Thorian was the enemy. He—.” I furrowed my brow when I realized what a poor choice of pronouns I'd made. “She. It. Whatever. That plant controlled them, _made them_ do what they normally wouldn't. They didn't have a choice about becoming my enemy. Fai Dan—.” My whole body tensed as I remembered his suicide. “Fai Dan couldn't even control himself—he had to—.” I couldn't bring myself to go further with the point. _God only gives us one life. Fai Dan, and the colonists who didn't make it—such a tragedy—and I'm responsible._

I pulled some saliva up, trying to moisten my parched mouth. I needed water, but there was none available nearby. I pressed forward, “I keep imaging if I was behind one of their eyes, looking at the 'Ashley Williams' printed on her marine armor. I imagine railing for control over my own body, but there's nothing I can do but watch as I'm forced to attack her. Then I see her look at me, and without hesitating, take a shot and kill me. The despair. The pain. That person didn't deserve that.”

Wrex harrumphed. “What else could we do, Williams? The Thorian took our choices away from us. I know it doesn't feel right at first—what you have to realize is that it isn't your fault they're dead. Honor their memory and put the blame where it belongs—with mind-controlling Hrakhors.”

I coughed from the strain I'd put on my voice. Wrex wandered off and brought me back some water in a small cup. I took it gratefully and greedily drank it. Feeling more able to converse, I replied belatedly, “Mind-controlling plant life sounds like an excuse or a cover story to me.”

“It wasn't,” Wrex reminded me. “Or is this acid that's waylaid you here in the med bay all part of a cover story, too?”

I grunted in acknowledgment. “You have a point, and my nervous system agrees with you. Wholeheartedly. One might say, _painfully_.”

Wrex's eyes danced with mirth. “Just don't blame yourself,” he warned me again. “I don't want to see a warrior torn down from the inside out. We're outnumbered as it is. It's damned depressing to see another one fall.”

“Your personal concern for me is flattering,” I thanked him with a wry, knowing grin.

He nodded once and called out, “OK, Doc.” Then he lumbered back to his bed and laid down.

 _But I_ am _falling apart inside._ _I_ am _feeling guilty. This wouldn't be so hard if they were mercenaries. If they were enemies. Terrorists. Whatever. They made their bed; they must lie in it. Those colonists didn't make a choice. They got enlisted without their knowledge. They couldn't defect if they wanted to. If. I take that back. They_ definitely _wanted to stop. Just couldn't. They were stuck. I was stuck._ _Then the shit_ really _hit the fan._

Liara emerged from her hideaway a few minutes after Chakwas. She nodded to Wrex and offered some kind of polite comment that was too quiet for me to hear. I saw him nod as if to dismiss her soon after. She locked eyes with mine and came straight up to my side. “I hope you don't mind; I asked Chakwas what happened to you down on the surface. She said something about—a venom?”

Feeling trapped in my dark thoughts about the colonists, I reached out to Liara as if she were my life preserver. She gave my hand a tight, reassuring squeeze. I centered my attention on our hands; my olive encircling her delicate blue. I'd seen a shade of blue like this on a flower before. It was on the edge of my memory recall. I could see the flower in the middle of a government-white administration building, in its lobby. _On Eden Prime_ , I realized, surprised. I could see the little placard in the soil talking about it, and the plant was...

“Cornflower blue.” I smiled, rubbing my thumb across her smooth skin. Perhaps the color match was less than perfect, but my mental picture of those flowers with their nice name—somehow I really liked putting the two of them together. I imagined Liara might smell nice too. Shocked by the errant thought, I leaned back on my bed, a little further away from her. Despite my unease, I couldn't also bring myself to let go.

“What, Ashley?” Liara asked, straining to hear my whispered secret. I looked up briefly and smirked at myself for putting the confused, concerned look on her face.

“Nothing, Liara,” I answered. Every nerve was on fire from the venom that had traveled the length of my body. The treatment didn't seem to be helping the pain any, even if it was fixing the more serious cause. I closed my eyes, just concentrating on the connection to Liara; her hand felt more textured than ever before. I realized it must be because of my nerves being hyperactive and alert for any sign of pain in the wake of the venom exposure.

I frowned. My distraction, as wonderful to the heightened sense of touch as she was right now, couldn't keep my mind from seeing the colonists just before they were shot and killed. I forced my eyes open again to see Liara studying my face intently. I looked around her; Chakwas was on the other end of the room, busy at work. There was a nurse or two on with her, and they were apparently receiving on-the-job training from the doc as she worked. I finally dropped my hand to my side tiredly, separating us.

Feeling barely confident enough with Liara beside me, I confessed, “I've done something so awful, Liara. I killed innocent people. I didn't want to; Shepard ordered us to aim for injuries, and I tried!” I interjected miserably, “God, it's all such a mess.”

“Tell me what happened,” she asked quietly.

“We were returning to Zhu's Hope, but the colonists were infected with spores. They were under the control of this sentient _plant monster_ underneath the colony. It made them use their weapons against us to defend it from us. We couldn't get past them. That's when Shepard ordered that we go through them. We injured or killed every colonist there. By the end, our medi-gel was gone and the colony itself was almost out of its own medical supplies. Four died.”

“What about those you saved, Ashley? The ones who didn't die? Surely there's a greater majority whom have you to thank for their very lives.”

“That doesn't make it right!” My voice instantly began to carry a hard edge to it. “Anyway, we shot over twenty-five people down there. Four died immediately, but there's more who are in critical condition, in a colony that's been shot to hell and has no medical supplies left. I don't even know if they have a real doctor who can tend to the wounded down there. More _will_ die. I just won't know about it.”

Liara took a different approach. “What would have happened to them if you had left them in that condition?”

I paused. “I don't know—they would have continued to be slaves in their own bodies for the Thorian, I guess.”

“Is that a fate you would ever wish on anyone?”

“No,” I answered. I could think of no greater torment than being forced to watch as your body did things without your control. _It would feel like rape_ , I imagined, shuddering. Definitely something I would _never_ wish on anyone.

“I know you feel responsible, Ashley, but they were already living in a nightmare. You kept everyone alive that you could. No one could ask for more. Four may have died—but they are at peace, and the goddess receives them in love. You saved them, Ashley. I know it doesn't feel like it, but you did the kindest thing you could have done for them—you saved them from their misery.”

My guilt didn't evaporate immediately, but I tried hard to listen to what she told me, and it helped. I felt a bit more like myself, and I wanted to slide out of the biobed to my knees and—well, perhaps leaving the biobed was a bad idea, but the rest of it was something I could still do, especially with Liara's support.

“Liara?” I asked quietly.

“Yes?” She bent over slightly to hear my quiet, coarse voice better.

“Will you pray with me, for them?”

“Of course I will, Ashley. Of course I will.”

As our joint prayer session came to an end, everything seemed to have finally caught up with me, and I began to cry. I cursed my weakness, but I had nothing left to fight it with. Liara pulled me up until she could get her hands around behind me, and she hugged me tightly as my body shuddered fiercely with my sobs. I reciprocated even in my exhaustion, grabbing the material of the back of her uniform, and using my grip to pull myself tight to my life preserver with a white-knuckled determination while the storm raged through me.

() () () () ()

Hours later the _Normandy_ continued to sweep the system for any sign of _Sovereign._ I was released from the medical bay, the anti-venom having successfully stopped any further damage to my nervous system. Chakwas warned me my nerves would continue to be hypersensitive for hours, possibly days. She ordered me off duty until I could pass a checkout by her personally.

I stood on the _Normandy_ 's bridge, next to the CIC. The holographic map had an image of Feros on it. I tried to avoid looking at it. The bridge was deserted—nobody at any of the CIC consoles or the heat management consoles. Even Joker's place at the bridge was empty.

There was nobody on the entire ship. I just knew it.

Liara looked up from one of the CIC consoles on the opposite side from where I stood. The motion startled me until I recognized her. “Liara,” I greeted.

She looked at me pleadingly. “The knife—get it out.”

I came to her side and saw an ugly blade buried in her back, right through the armor we'd picked out together. Slowly, I grabbed the weapon's hilt. Liara hissed in painful protest. Her look of pure honesty was back. “I like talking with you, Ashley.”

I nodded silently, although the acknowledgment was entirely lost on Liara as she looked at the planet on the holographic table. Guilt began to wash up anew. “Don't look at that,” I begged her.

Liara continued to stare at it. “I already know what kind of person you are, Ashley.”

I looked at the knife in my hand, still in her back as she was partially hunched over. _Did I put that there?_

I looked away from Liara wildly, confused, scanning the room. Pressley was standing at the raised platform: obviously he was the officer in charge of the deck at the moment. He gave me a funny look. “Are you just going to stand there, Chief?”

“I, uh...” I paused, unable to decide what to do.

My hand quivered, causing the blade to cut slightly deeper into Liara's flesh. She cried out for me to stop. Reacting instinctively, I yanked back, pulling the knife clear of her. Liara seemed relieved, and her breathing became less labored.

Pressley came up beside us as Liara stood up straight and moved away to one side. I could see she was no longer in pain, which filled me with relief, but moments later my attention was diverted to the Commander. “You know what your problem is, Chief?” He looked me right in the eyes, invading my personal space. “You think it's not fair, but it is. You don't want to hear the truth. You're a failure. Your dad was a failure. Your grandfather was a failure. The Williams' family tradition isn't protecting Earth's interests at all. It's failing us when we need you the most. I swear—I should bounce you off the _Normandy_ for this.”

I looked down at the blade in my hand. Blue blood covered it; dripping from it to the metal floor below with a consistent _tap_ , _tap_ , _tap_. I felt a little reviled at it, but a cruel fascination kept me from looking away. Pressley harrumphed and moved away. “This isn't the place for you. We have a critical mission to complete. Let me clarify this for you, Chief. I want these people _off my ship!_ Is that clear?”

Liara and Pressley converged on me, forcing me to retreat into a corner of the CIC. There was no escape from either of them. Neither looked threatening; they simply looked curious. They wanted to know my answer.

The blade was still in my hand. They were both cornering me. I had to escape. “Is that _clear_ , Chief!?” Pressley demanded.

I reacted to his hostility, thrusting the knife at him, screaming, “Nooo!” Pressley staggered back wordlessly with the blade buried in his stomach. He fell backward to the ground.

“What have you done?” Liara drew back from me, appalled and disgusted.

Still feeling panicked, I looked again. It wasn't Pressley—it was Richard Cox, one of the Feros colonists.

() () () () ()

“Nooo!” I screamed as I sat bolt-upright in my bed. Panting, I looked around. I was still in the medical bay. _What was—why—where is Liara?_ I felt I both needed her calm, reassuring presence and couldn't stand to have her anywhere near me right now. _Why am I here? Observation._ Chakwas had insisted I spend the night; not that I wouldn't be here anyway as this was my current sleeping arrangements.

Nurse Tate walked up to me, worried. “Are you all right, Chief?”

I breathed deeply for a few seconds, attempting to calm myself down. “I'm—yes I'm fine. I'm sorry for the noise.” I quickly turned away from the nurse, lying back down, wanting to be alone. It was a good thing I'd pulled away when I had, so Tate couldn't see the wild expression in my eyes. My mind was racing; I could still remember every emotionally-charged moment of the dream. It was wearying in more ways than one.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

 

Nurse Tate must have talked to Doctor Chakwas, judging by the conversation I had with my physician a few days after the first nightmare. Once the Doctor paid some extra attention, she noticed I was eating light and sleeping less. I pushed her concerns aside, unwilling to talk about the reasons behind these issues. I tried to avoid both Chakwas and Shepard whenever I could.

I grunted under exertion as I continued to spar with Kaidan Alenko in the mako bay. He was a very defensive opponent, I noted, and I used that knowledge to push him into a corner. As he came up against the mako, I brought my rod down on his shoulder, pulling the impact only slightly at the final possible moment.

He was forced down to one knee from the impact, and I pushed my left-hand rod against his jugular, forcing him to lean back against the mako's tire. “I concede,” he growled breathlessly.

Immediately, I let up, removing myself from his personal space and accepting victory in the match. If I were in a more amicable mood I might have been gracious, given him a compliment or tip, or at the very least helped him to his feet. Today, I did none of those things. Kaidan got up on his own, switching his rods so he held them both in his left hand. He reached up with his right to massage his left shoulder. His face contorted briefly with pain.

“You all right there, El-Tee?” I asked, slightly worried.

“Just my pride, Gunnery Chief.” I didn't believe him for a second, but it was obvious he wouldn't admit to anything.

Feeling guilty, I did what I could to work around it. “Sorry, Sir.”

“No need to be sorry. I think I need a break though.” Kaidan strolled towards me and handed both his rods over. I accepted them. Each rod measured beyond the length of my forearm and had a grip coming straight out of it near one end; this allowed one to hold it like a shield along your forearm, or grip the main body and use it as an offensive weapon. Hand-to-hand fighting with simple weapons was one form of combat I actually enjoyed practicing—exercise and honing skills combined. Now that I was finally back on duty, it was almost the first thing on my mind.

I felt bad that it was over so quickly; if I'd maintained a little more control, I wouldn't have forced Kaidan to stop. I still wanted to do more, but without a partner, I knew I'd have to give up on it for the time being.

“You were fighting very angrily, even for you,” Kaidan pointed out quietly.

“Was I?” I threw it back at him. I stowed the weapons in their container and closed it up. Turning around, I sat on top of it. It was short for a chair, but it did the job.

Kaidan, unfazed, did the same, grabbing his water bottle from where it had been discarded earlier and taking a few full gulps. Finished hydrating for the moment, he looked to me while I stared at nothing, not wanting to give anything away.

“What's wrong? I hope you're not upset with me for some reason.”

Sarcasm whipped through my lips before I could even give it a moment's thought. “Wow, flatter yourself much?” In my sour mood, I skirted with insubordination. “Not everything has to do with you, so the answer is 'no.' Go away, Alenko.”

“That's 'go away, Lieutenant,' to you, and you don't give me orders, _Chief,_ ” his voice warned. “I'm serious. Before, I might have let it go, but now I'm ordering you to tell me what the hell's going on with you.”

In a burst of motion, I practically jumped to my feet, putting a good meter and a half between us. I didn't want to get into trouble for socking my nosy lieutenant in the face, and I'd had the sudden compulsion descend upon me. Instead, I scowled at him, using the distance and my better judgment to convince myself to let it go. He was completely correct, I had no right to talk to my superior officer like that.

It had felt so good to let go that, although I wouldn't lay a finger on him, I didn't want to stop attacking him either. “We're not on duty, so take your orders and stuff 'em, Lieutenant,” I shot back irritably. “It's none of your business, so get the hell out of here, Sir!”

“Fine, Chief, we don't have to be friends, but we do need to respect each other,” Kaidan growled lowly. He massaged his injured shoulder again, looking wearied, closed his eyes and seemed to wait for his own emotions to cool down. The guilt was beginning to get to me, so I also attempted to reign myself in. “I'll let it slide for now, Williams. It's just the two of us here right now, and it seems you have a lot on your mind. But this is your unofficial warning, Gunnery Chief. This is unacceptable. Don't let me catch you disrespecting a superior officer again. Get yourself back in line, fast.”

He stood and left. Even as I waited for him to succumb to my demand and leave, I was still secretly thankful; immensely so. Many lesser officers, more consumed with themselves and their own rank, would have simply written me up for it and not cared about what was happening with me in the slightest. Kaidan was being invasive, true, but he just wanted to help me.

Time seemed to slip through my fingers as I returned to sitting on the weapons case. I wasn't really thinking or doing anything; simply existing in a trance. That trance disappeared abruptly, however, when Commander Daniel Shepard emerged from the elevator and strode purposefully right towards me. I could tell he wasn't happy to be here, and I reciprocated the feeling. I'd rather stay as far away from the Spectre as I could get. _He looks like he was sent here. Wow, Kaidan, sure didn't take you long to bring in the next batter. Do you really think I'll talk to_ Shepard?!? _That's rich._

“Something's wrong,” he stated.

I almost scoffed, but held it back with an eye roll that he wouldn't be able to see while my face was turned away. “Sure. Something's always wrong. Won't be right until we find Saren.” I turned and glared at him, trying to make him feel unwelcome. I hoped he would take the hint and go back to running the ship; I'd damaged my career by telling off my superiors enough for one day.

“Let's talk about it,” Daniel said and held my gaze now that he had my full attention. He was too strong a person to wilt under an angry gaze, even ones as intense as mine. I knew that, but that didn't stop me from wanting to blame him for it.

“Why?” I demanded. “You've never wanted to talk about it before. We've barely said half a dozen words that weren't about our mission since we got back.” _From Feros,_ I left unsaid.

“Then let's fix that.”

“No,” I said, flat and curtly. I had already decided that I would _not_ open up to _him_. He was part of the reason I hated myself right now.

“I'll start,” Shepard replied, equally clipped and defensive. “You have my permission to speak freely for the rest of this conversation, clear Chief?” He hardly waited for a response, and didn't get one before continuing. “I've been avoiding you.”

I raised an eyebrow but said nothing. I hadn't realized he'd been consciously avoiding me, same as I had been trying to avoid him. It was an interesting development, but it didn't change the fact that I didn't want him here, in my face.

He continued, “I know you didn't approve of a lot of my orders on the surface of Feros. Decisions in the field—they're never perfect.”

“Who gives a crap about perfect? _You made me kill them,_ ” I growled accusingly. “You sat back and supplied the covering fire. Like you just put it on autopilot, and then you left their blood all over _my_ _hands!_ ”

“It was _my_ order; it was hardly 'autopilot'!” Shepard roared. “Make no mistake, I know I am equally as guilty as you are! I wasn't trying to avoid it; I was simply being pragmatic.”

“Pragmatic? Stuff it, Commander. I don't want to hear your excuses. You can tell yourself whatever you want, but you don't feel _anything_ for those people, do you? You're everything that they say—the Butcher of Torfan! How can you be so cold, so heartless? When was the last time you ever felt like I do, like you've been ripped apart, so disgusted with yourself that it makes you sick? You don't know them, so you don't care. Casualties are just numbers to you. The mission is all that matters.”

“The mission _is_ all that matters,” Daniel interrupted. “Make no mistake, Williams. The mission is _everything,_ especially _this_ mission.”

“This isn't me. This isn't what I'm supposed to be,” I began losing control, could feel the despair returning, and could hear the tremolo emerging in my own voice. I kept it at bay for the moment, unsure how long my resilience would last. “I shouldn't let anything change who I am. I shouldn't abandon my _identity_ because of the mission. Freedom, beliefs, our very _lives_ —that's what I'm trying to protect. If I can't do that without staying true to myself, then I still lose, no matter what happens with the mission.”

Shepard lowered his voice similarly to mine, becoming more tender. “You're wrong about me, Williams. I do feel bad about them. I do hate what I had to do to them, but I always do what is necessary. If you can't do that, then you shouldn't be here.”

I looked up at him, feeling one solitary tear slide down my cheek. “I won't. I won't let you turn me into another you.” I stood up, full stature, and wiped away the evidence of my weakness, leaving nothing behind but a strong, hard glare. I repeated it with the utmost conviction and a voice filled with renewed power, knowing full well it could mean the end of my time aboard the _Normandy_. “I won't.”

Shepard backed up a step, folding his arms together against his chest. “I never said you should be. Frankly, Chief, I don't think you could handle it, and that's fine. Believe me when I say, you don't want this, any of it. I don't even want it, but it's who I am and who they need me to be.

“I'm not looking to change who you are. Your morality sets you apart. I need you to cling to it, because I need that critical eye on the battlefield. I don't want someone who will blindly go along with whatever I say right into utter moral ruination. I need the reminder of the consequences, and that's why I need you, just as you are.”

I was out of things to say, so I turned away from his steady gaze and looked down at the floor to one side.

Daniel unexpectedly reached out and grabbed me by the chin gently between finger and thumb. He attempted to turn my face to look at him. I recoiled from the touch, withdrawing until he couldn't reach me anymore, but complied with his silent request and met his eyes again.

He took my actions in stride, easily returning his hand to his side and fully restoring the space—physical and emotional—between us. I watched his face carefully as he spoke, “I'm sorry. The way things happened left me with no choice, but I'm still sorry that I had to give the order. I'm sorry I had to make you a party to it, and I'm sorry for all the broken families left behind on Feros. Really.”

Instincts told me he was truly leveling with me. I nodded ever so slightly, but he saw it. He quickly nodded much larger than I had.

“Ok,” he concluded, and he spun around, leaving for the elevator. I watched him leave, remaining so quiet and still that I barely breathed.

My mind finally seemed to clear for the first time since I'd touched the surface of that battle-scared planet. It felt like a reaffirmation of everything I was supposed to be. I couldn't risk letting the clarity leave me again, so I realized what I had to do next. _I need to talk to Pressley. Today. Right now, even._

I was nursing a building rage against the aged executive officer, and Alenko got the briefest glimpse of that rage today when he agreed to spar with me. I hadn't meant to hurt the lieutenant, but doubtless he would be sporting a nice bruise on his shoulder before long. Another pang of guilt hit me.

With this line of thinking, the dream came back to me; that blasted dream. Nightmare couldn't begin to describe it because in reality it wasn't just a dream at all. _Normal nightmares are nothing compared to the real ones. You can escape a normal nightmare simply by waking up. Real nightmares don't end just because you wake up; you end up living with them. They're completely inescapable._

I felt weak, but it wasn't because of a lack of sleep or food. True, they may have contributed small pieces, but the real source of my weakened state was completely emotional. These thoughts were sapping my very life out from me, and I was powerless to stop them. Until I refused my XO's order, it would only get worse. I knew that, and I still wanted to ignore the problem.

No delay could bring me a better option. Something would have to give. The question was, when the very foundations of my life were shaken—what would be left standing, and who would be standing next to me?

My mind was clear, but I was scared.

() () () () ()

 _Sovereign_ was a dreadnought, the largest in the known galaxy, and the most dangerous weapon anyone had ever even conceived. No one knew who built it or how Saren came into possession of a ship belonging to the most powerful class of starships. Dreadnoughts were siege weapons designed for long range bombardment: they fired rounds down their 0.8 kilometer-or-longer spinal-mounted mass accelerator cannons at such speeds that their destructive energy surpassed nuclear weapons upon impact. In true mass accelerator cannon tradition, they were also extremely rapid fire, making nuclear arsenals obsolescent in war.

All dreadnoughts in the galaxy were built, owned, maintained, and used by the military arms of only the most economically powerful races. Even when whole interstellar governments got funds together to build a dreadnought, none built them as large as this singular anomaly. The closest ship to its size, so far as I was aware, was that asari dreadnought called the _Destiny Ascension_ that commonly guarded the Citadel. However, even the asari's flagship was easily surpassed in tonnage by _Sovereign_.

But as the _Normandy_ attempted to stalk _Sovereign,_ I came to realize that the extremely large vessel probably could never utilize stealth effectively while it traveled. While aboard his dreadnought, Saren was always limited to showing up with surprising, overwhelming force—but ultimately, we always knew when he went somewhere.

This wasn't the case for us. We could hide with our stealth systems and slip about unseen. It had to be making Saren extremely frustrated and paranoid to know he would never see us coming. _I would be, when I imagine myself in his place._ Furthermore, now that that Shiala had told us what to look for and had arrived on Feros so closely behind Saren, there was a chance we could track them down. I hoped so, for the sake of the galaxy and whatever colonies might be attacked next.

Everyone in the CIC was hard at work doing just that as I walked past the marine standing guard at the door and headed for Commander Pressley. The Commander noticed me and finished up giving a few orders and reviewing a few reports handed to him before allowing me to approach. We both pulled away from the center of the CIC, out of earshot.

“Gunnery Chief?” he asked cautiously.

My palms were sweaty. I didn't know what would happen after this. I didn't even know if my friends could forgive me if they knew—and yet here I was, about to burn my bridges with the Alliance right in front of the entire bridge staff.

I didn't like the thought of anyone seeing what happened next, so I spoke very quietly. “Sir. I've come to inform you I cannot in good conscience assist you in defrauding our allies or continue with this questionable investigation into their personal and private lives. It's over. I've made my final report, and you'll not find a single dubious inconsistency with anyone your investigation targeted. You're going to have to accept that.”

“The hell I do,” Pressley growled. “I am your executive officer, and when I give an order, I expect you to obey!”

A lump formed in my throat, but still I managed, “No, sir.”

“What?” he asked, appalled.

“No, sir. I won't do it anymore.”

With that refusal, I'd just shot down Pressley's only chance at convincing Shepard to remove his team from the ship, if that was even possible in the first place. The corners of Pressley's face drew back, and he regarded me with a hard look. I squared my shoulders and swallowed to clear my throat. Pressley's teeth bared, and he took the OSD from my offered hand. He commanded, “Very well. Chief Williams, I find you derelict in your duty. You are hereby suspended until further notice. Now get off my bridge.”

 _Did he have to say it so loud?_ My mind protested at his tone, but that had more to do with my own fear of others overhearing than his actual speaking volume. I imagined I could feel so many eyes upon me from all around the CIC that my body temperature felt like it was ten times hotter. As my mind came up with worst-case scenarios, I could even imagine Joker, way up at the helm, overhearing the commotion. He could be grabbing desperately for his crutches to head this way and see for himself, Vrolik Syndrome be damned. I decided it was best to leave before it got any worse and my humiliation began to show.

I saluted Pressley. “Sir!” I acknowledged with a strong, confident voice. Pressley turned away without an answering salute. Belatedly, I realized that even the marines would learn of this with lightning-fast precision, seeing as a couple of my marines were standing at the doors, providing security for the CIC. They were all doubtlessly staring at Pressley and I. I didn't want to see their surprised faces. I just wanted to disappear.

I finished my salute and spun an about-face, heading directly out of the CIC and down to deck two. I studiously avoided all eye contact. At least everyone who heard was on duty with a job to do. None of them could chase me down or talk about it. Not for several more hours, when they got off duty. I wasn't sure how I'd handle the end of the shift, but I knew I'd have to endure.

This was one of my worst fears realized—but not all of them. _At least it's over now, Ash. It's all over._ I felt so much better with that knowledge that I wondered how I could have postponed it for so long. Still, losing my duty hit me hard, and I could hardly maintain my composure in front of everyone. I was in no condition to confess my reprehensible behavior to anyone, especially Wrex or Liara.

For one brief moment I entertained the thought that perhaps God hated me today, because they were both waiting for the elevator when I reached the bottom of the stairs. There was no way to avoid them. “Williams,” Wrex greeted.

My eyes widened in surprise and shot in the direction of his voice, coming upon both of them, and realizing the hardest part might be a lot closer than I had thought. I tried to wipe the stupid look off my face, but I simply hadn't expected to encounter anyone until I was ready. _Idiot! You're so stupid, Ash. Think about it. You're on a_ frigate _. Of course you'd run into them!_

“Ashley!” Liara bubbled. “I'm glad I found you! How do you feel about dinner tonight? I think I've made a breakthrough in designing my Prothean data card reader, and I wanted to show you—.”

I cut in, “That's great, Liara.” That feeling of a lump in my throat was returning again. _Damn it. Just stay away. This is hard enough already._ Reasoning with my anatomy was a miserable failure. I pushed past the two of them, attempting to escape before they discovered my weakness. “Sorry, I have to go.”

Wrex didn't answer, but Liara protested immediately. “But it will take all of five—minutes.” Liara paused briefly, uncertain, when I refused to stop and let her finish. _Just let me go, just let me go,_ I begged her silently as I kept walking away. _I'm not ready yet!_

I heard rushed footsteps as she chased me down, placing a hand on my shoulder just as we passed the mess hall and entered the secluded sleeper pod area. It was only the two of us now; Wrex had not joined her in attempting to intercept me. I shrugged her off, baring my teeth just as Pressley had done to me. I hadn't meant to do that at all, not to someone as kind as Liara. It had just—happened. I regretted it before I'd even managed to get myself back under control.

Liara was taken aback. She withdrew her hand instantly, but not all the way. She held it in-between us, unable to decide where to put it. “Ashley?” she asked innocently. “Have I made you upset?”

“Just leave me alone, Liara.”

“If I've done it again, please, just tell me—you must know I'm sorry.”

I was guilty, but she was always assuming herself at fault, despite her innocence. If I didn't feel so bad about everything, I might have valued her modesty instead of allowing it to grate me. I couldn't handle it.

“DON'T BE SORRY!” I exploded.

Her hand firmly dropped to her side then. _How can she even think she should apologize! I'm the one! It's me; I'm the one who deserves contempt and hatred. She could never deserve that. She's too good for that. She never killed innocent civilians to complete a mission. You're evil incarnate next to her. She is so gentle, kind, and compassionate towards anyone and everyone. To think you could doubt her is a scathing indictment of who you really are._

I took a shuddering breath, attempting to stabilize myself. It worked, and my voice quieted to just above a whisper so Liara, and Liara only, would still be able to hear me. “You've got no reason to be sorry because nothing you've done even remotely compares to what I've done. OK? _I'm_ the bad guy; _I'm_ the one who's sorry. You deserve a better friend than me.” It tore me into pieces to say what I was thinking, but I meant every word of it.

Liara was dumbfounded. “What?” she asked.

I couldn't do this right now. Another rigid swivel on heel and toe and I was heading down the rows of sleeper pods, intent on finding an empty one to hide inside. Liara pressed after my retreat, again grabbing me by the upper arm near my shoulder; however, this time it was very tentative and light. I could have easily broken free of it.

That's what surprised me most when instead I spun at her gentle pulling force and faced her. Liara seemed to freeze a moment along with me. We stared at each other, neither daring to utter a word. “Whatever—,” Liara paused, uncertain. “Whatever it is, please tell me. I cannot forgive you if I don't know what it is you think you've done to wrong me.”

Judging by the way my throat felt just then, I would have guessed I didn't have a drop of water in my entire body. I tried to work my jaw, but it resisted all motion.

Liara encouraged me to open up. “Please Ashley, we share so much in common. Our beliefs—we both place importance on forgiveness and confession. You know you want to tell me.”

Her last proclamation took me a little off guard. _How can she know me so well?_ I wondered. _How is it even possible that she is this in-tune?_ “Yes,” I ground out.

Like the breaking of a dam, as soon as the first word was uttered, there was no holding me back. “I've been investigating you and the rest of the aliens on this ship for signs of duplicity and betrayal for months now, ever since you all came aboard. Pressley—I didn't believe they could be completely honest or really care about our affairs because they weren't human. But everything I dug up, everything I've seen working with them—I was so wrong. I was wrong about you, Wrex, everybody. The whole team.

“And now I just feel so ashamed because all this time I've been a racist, just as bad as those damned Terra Firma party members, and I didn't even know it. I thought I was in the right.

“Now I'm just a bigot.” It was all out in the open now. Liara had listened intently to every word.

I took a half-step back away from her, but that was all. Perhaps it was fear, or perhaps it was courage, but I was rooted there until she said something. I wanted her forgiveness. I also wanted her condemnation, because I _was_ wrong, and I _had_ hurt her and the others. The dichotomy made my head hurt. _Liara has all the power now._ That thought scared me. _Can I be courageous and scared at the same time?_ At this moment, it certainly seemed that way.

“You just see me as an alien,” Liara managed with considerable difficulty. She looked like she'd been slapped in the face. The hurt in her eyes was so overwhelming that it took me by surprise, even though I'd known this would happen, in some form. _I—never expected her to look this raw, this hurt..._

“No, no, no!” The rest of my fears seemed poised to come true. I couldn't stand the thought, couldn't conceive of how I could survive it, but that was exactly what was about to happen if I didn't do something to stop it. _I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry—Liara don't leave me too!_

She took two steps back rapidly. “Really? Because that's what it sounded like!” she shrieked. “I'm your friend, but to you, I'm just a liability! I _trusted_ you! You're just like everyone else on this ship—'Oh look out; it's Benezia's daughter!' It tears at my soul that my mother could abide such an evil man, but no one can stop for five minutes and see what it's been like for me. I am shamed, and her actions have hurt me so badly. Add to that all this distrust; everyone who just thinks I'm a heartless spy.”

Her eyes began welling up with tears. “I could put that all aside because I had a few who believed in me. A few I could count on to stand with me and help me convince the rest. And now it turns out no one really believed in me. How could you lie to me like that? I thought we were _friends_. Didn't you realize what you were doing by lying to me? Because you're not lying to a _real_ person—just some _alien,_ right? It must not be the same thing.”

With those words, tears spilled down her blue cheeks. She took one breath, barely keeping herself from fully wailing right here in front of me. I'd never seen her cry before. My heart flopped painfully in my chest, heaving as if it was dying. “Well, don't talk to me ever again!”

Liara spun quickly and marched away. I almost twisted an ankle trying to get to her. “Please stop, Liara! I'm sorry!”

“Athame turn you away!” Liara shot over her shoulder, brow contorted with pure unadulterated hate, and she refused to let up on her retreating pace, quickly turning to look where she was fleeing.

I paused as she passed the mess hall, and my attention momentarily diverted in that direction. _All those people—if I continued after her now—and they saw me, saw us..._ I hated public drama. I certainly didn't want to encourage more scuttlebutt about myself or Liara. Truth be told, a part of me was simply scared that either she or they would see my weakness, and how much I needed her. It was too vulnerable. I didn't do vulnerable.

Now it was too late. I _was_ vulnerable, I was hurting, and I'd driven my best friend away when I needed her the most. It felt like a piercing injury. It felt like bleeding into the water, surrounded by nothing but open ocean and hungry predators. I was sure one of them must have gotten to me, because it felt like a part of me had just _died_ —no, a part of me had just been _murdered_. One sniper's bullet, right through my barriers, through my armor, and through my heart, ripping it to shreds and leaving a wake of decimation around it.

“Fuck!” I cursed, spinning about and beginning to pace in front of the pods. Spying an empty one, I grabbed the handle savagely and tore it open. I stepped inside and slammed the door shut, locking it in one shift motion. Feeling utterly destroyed, and deserving every bit of it, I whispered angrily at myself, “Fuck me.” I took in a few ragged sobs, allowing myself to feel the whole pain and simply cry.

() () () () ()

Sweat dripped down my brow, and I took a moment to swipe it away with my right arm, continuing to punch the bag with the left. That accomplished, I returned to a full-blown assault on the inanimate object. I was sweating from every pore in my body. My workout clothes were clinging to me uncomfortably.

As I struck the bag, I envisioned it was the worst kind of the lowest pond scum. The filthiest example of a human being. An unrepentant jerk whose cruelties knew no bounds. Someone who had earned my undying hatred. I saw my own face there, and I hit it as hard as I could. Both of my arms felt like jelly, and the bag barely moved each time I hit it with as much force as I could bring to bear.

I was spent.

All around me in the workout room were various marines and a few crewmembers attempting to stay in decent shape. They were using up most of the machines. I kept catching two marines at the weight bench look at me whenever they switched. If I'd had the energy to do something about it, I would have pummeled both of them within an inch of their life and made them beg for mercy.

I knew from training them that Corporal Dennon would be easy for me to take on my own—he wasn't half the hand-to-hand soldier I was. On the other hand, his spotter, Private Vinton, was a tank of a man with extremely dark skin. Built with arms wide as tree trunks and over six foot and seven inches tall, he was also blessed with the skill to use that strength effectively. He could be damned quick for his size. Of all the marines stationed on the _Normandy_ , he was without a doubt the strongest. I briefly imagined trying to subdue him in a fight. I didn't foresee a victory there, no matter how much I wanted it.

As my body protested and reminded me just how exhausted I was, I had to stop my weak attacks on the bag—on _myself—_ and practically hugged it to keep standing until I recovered a little more energy. I panted heavily, and while I couldn't care less, I could smell the sweat on my nearby shoulder and arm. As I pushed away from the bag, I shot Dennon a very nasty look. He quickly looked away, pretending that spotting Private Vinton took his complete attention. That would have to do for now. I left the exercise area behind and headed for the communal showers.

Considering this was the middle of alpha shift, it was no surprise to find them completely empty. I discarded clothes at my locker and walked under the nearest shower head. The water was tepid the first few seconds, but grew warm and finally rather toasty within a short amount of time. I worked on lathering some shampoo in my hair and washing it back out again; and then cleaning the rest of me with the body wash. My arms ached the entire time, even with the hot jets of water to help limber me up.

I heard the door open and shut. My marines from the weight room had finally finished their workouts as well, and they were here for showers now, too. Soon they were entering the communal shower facility. There wasn't much privacy afforded on the frigate—floor-to-ceiling privacy walls and separate stalls would have cut into the limited floorspace available on a tiny frigate class.

These days, military culture aboard navy ships had evolved to the point where leering at someone in the shower room was not only a judicially punishable offense—it was also frowned upon by friends and peers in the ranks. This meant that the fact we passed each other, stark naked, was not an issue. In the showers, everyone takes care of themselves, keeps their eyes to themselves, and all conversations are accomplished without so much as a glance at the person you are talking to. Things that might be acceptable in a normal conversation between clothed marines could be taboo in the showers. Everyone was more careful in here.

I may not have been on a frigate very long, but this phenomenon was one I caught onto very quickly. Honestly, it was the only way this situation could work for all parties involved. As I heard the marines start their own showers, I finished a quick towel-off and wrapped it around my body, covering the essentials. Without a word of acknowledgment, I left the shower room and headed back into the locker room, where I proceeded to pick out a clean _Normandy_ marine uniform. I gathered all my soiled clothes and towel, intending to get them washed next.

The shower had refreshed my body and done wonders for the aching. I could barely feel the burn in my arms now; it wouldn't take long before it disappeared completely. Marked increase in stamina and its recovery were a part of my Class-B Alliance Infantry Upgrade package. The genetic enhancements made me into the best soldier I could be. I took it for granted; it was a natural part of me, whereas biotics were easier to spot in a human, and in my opinion, very freaky, unnatural stuff.

I spent some time in front of the mirror, working out the snarls in my just-barely-regulation length hair before pinning it up in my customary bun. I liked long hair. It was the one thing I missed most about civilian life. If I could, I would grow it out to the base of my shoulder blades. I enjoyed the extra warmth long hair provided, as well as its feel between my fingers when it was healthy.

_You know you're going to be kicked off the ship at the next port of opportunity. What about leaving the marines entirely at that point? Then you could actually grow your hair out._

_Don't be ridiculous, Ashley. After all that's happened: the attack on Eden Prime, Shepard's vision of the Reapers, another deadly attack, but on Feros—you're seriously considering walking away from the most important mission in the galaxy without a single protest?_

_No. As usual, I'm just seeing greener grass on the other side. That, and I'm pretty pissed off right now that my job cost me my newest—and best—friend. Oh, what I would_ do _to a jerk like Pressley if only I could!_ I began to imagine the horrors that could befall an old man in a confrontation with me, a young, strong, and well-trained Alliance soldier. However, the more malevolence I indulged in, the worse I felt. Eventually, I had to stop and force myself to think about something else. Privately, I sent a quiet prayer to God for some assistance in bringing my thoughts back into harmony. It helped; I began to remember that I was just as guilty, if not more, for going along with the plan as Pressley was for coming up with it. Guilt wasn't exactly desirable to me, but it was definitely warranted.

I checked the time. I still had three and a half hours until alpha shift came off and started filing into the mess hall for lunch. I grabbed a deck of cards from my locker and headed up to find a corner table. I had plenty of time to kill.

Before I was even halfway to the elevator, the shipwide address whistle sounded, quieting all conversations instantly. Pressley's voice carried over the comm. “Now hear this. We have just received a distress call from the Terra Nova system. This is a Level One alert—Terra Nova is under immediate threat of attack. Shepard's team, report to the comm room immediately for a briefing. All Fireteams, gear up and stand by for further instruction from your officer in charge. XO out.”

Part of me considered sitting this one out. I was afraid of taking on the responsibility for another mission. I had so much going on in my own head that my combat awareness would be negatively impacted. Things could go wrong. I could make mistakes. I was in poor form, perhaps even my poorest ever. _I've been better—much better—than I am right now._

 _However, I'm not about to sit around when people need me. Shepard himself will have to pull a gun on me before I'll back down._ My mind was made up then. I would always take the risk if it meant saving someone else.Immediately, I doubled back to the locker room. Dennon and Vinton were there, urgently scrambling to dress themselves. I opened my locker and threw my deck inside, grabbing my suit of armor—still having a bullet lodged in it. I ignored the damaged breastplate, and I quickly started to armor up. I headed for the comm room, not yet finished putting on my armor, but carrying what remained along with me.

I got there within three minutes, finishing connecting the armor on the arduous trip up the elevator to deck two. As I reached the comm room door, my radio crackled to life. Because of the wall between here and the CIC, it was very likely Pressley did not realize how close I was. “Pressley to Gunnery Chief Williams, you are hereby reinstated to your former position effective immediately, as ordered by Commander Shepard. Please report to the comm room immediately.”

 _Hah!_ I rejoiced privately. _Take that, Pressley, Shepard needs me._ The doors swished open before me, and I entered the comm room mere seconds after being ordered back on-duty. Shepard looked behind him to the door, spying me and stating, “Ahh, Gunnery Chief. Good. Take a seat; you haven't missed much.”

Since Shepard was standing near the holographics and manipulating an image of of Terra Nova's solar system, there were two chairs open for me to choose from. One was next to Liara and Garrus. The other was next to Wrex and Tali.

 _Not much of a choice anymore._ I took the chair by Wrex and listened intently as Shepard continued with his briefing. “The signal was jammed, but it was on an emergency frequency, so we know it's bad. Terra Nova is the largest human colony thus far with over 4.4 million people down there. We need to get on scene and find out what's wrong. Considering the jamming, the most likely explanation is some kind of terrorist attack or strong pirate activity. It could be some very bold slavers. We'll know more once we get on scene and get some LADAR readings. Until then, there's no way for us to plan our troop landings or deployments. This colony is too big.”

Garrus questioned, “Has there been an attack on Terra Nova prior to now?”

Shepard shook his head. “It's been relatively peaceful; it's not far from Earth and Arcturus. Considering the amount of ships in the fleets at both systems, it makes attacking Terra Nova very risky. Most pirates prefer to pick at us where our defenses are weakest—the budding colonies in the Skyllian Verge and Attican Traverse.”

“Sir,” I interjected. “I was stationed on Terra Nova for one year. I know the colony fairly well. It's well defended; hard to imagine what could overwhelm them.”

“Thankfully we should have that answer soon, Chief.” Shepard answered. “We arrive in Terra Nova's vicinity in ten minutes. I want all of you on this one. Liara, that includes you.”

Liara blinked, surprised, but quickly recovered. “Of course, Commander.”

“Ashley, Wrex, Garrus, and Fireteam One will form Alpha Unit. Kaidan, Liara, and Tali, you're with me as Beta Unit. Ashley, make sure Fireteam One is ready to go by the time we get there. I'll have deployment orders for you very shortly.”

“Aye, Sir!” I answered proudly. I stood up and headed for the door.

“And Chief,” Shepard called me back. I stopped and spun around.

“Sir?”

“You, Commander Pressley, and I are going to have a talk when this is all over. Clear?”

“Aye.”

“Dismissed.”

Liara looked perplexed by the cryptic exchange, but I didn't linger on her, fearing the pain would find its way past my attempt to repress it and return to the forefront of my consciousness. I spun around neatly and left the comm room, immediately getting on my radio to Fireteam One as I headed for deck three. I could hide my emotions behind duty again, and I was going to make the most of it. “Chief Williams to Fireteam One, get your asses in gear, marines. I want you ready to deploy and standing at attention in the mako bay in the next thirty seconds. Williams out.”

Roughly thirty seconds later, I was on deck three, grabbing my weapons—all of them. I had the sniper and assault rifles collapsed on their hooks on the back of my armor, a pistol on my side holster, and the shotgun across my lower back. Marines didn't get more menacing-looking than this. I looked over at the mako and found Fireteam One standing at attention, fully armed and armored. I walked up to them.

Fireteam One was composed of Corporal Dennon, who lead the fireteam in the absence of a higher-ranked officer like myself, Private Second Class Vinton, and Private Second Class Deleon. All three were proficient with the standard issue assault rifle and pistol, which is precisely what weapons they each had on their person.

“Ok, listen up. Fireteam One is being absorbed into a larger unit designated 'Alpha', composed of yourselves, Garrus Vakarian, Urdot Wrex, and myself in command.” I didn't like the look in their eyes—they were too eager to get into the battle, and that could become dangerous. They needed to be professional. “Do you call this attention, Alpha, because I'm not impressed! Wipe those stupid grins off your faces and start taking this seriously before it becomes entirely too serious for you. I won't tolerate any shit once we get down on the surface. That clear?”

A chorus of “Yes, Ma'ams” followed and their discipline rose to my satisfaction. I trained my eyes on them all, staring them down. I had no time to accommodate any mistakes, so I had to be hard in order to impress on them just how important it was that they stayed in line behind me. Normally, I wasn't so rough, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Garrus and Wrex arrived a few minutes later, each geared up already and ready to go. I nodded with approval. The six of us stood ready for further instruction as the _Normandy_ got into short-range LADAR range of the planet and could begin to compose images of the arena.

Shepard came down after getting a firm grasp on the situation. “The Normandy VI has informed me that there's a metallic asteroid designated 'X57' approaching the planet with three fusion torches lit to provide it with force and acceleration. I asked about the asteroid, and apparently X57 was formerly at the trailing Lagrange point of Borr, a gas giant in the system. Terra Nova is planning to make it into a new orbital facility, but first they had to decelerate it out of Borr's orbit and let it fall into Terra Nova's. That's why it's rigged with the fusion torches. The VI tells me their burn was finished days ago, but someone has turned the fusion torches back on. They're pointing that asteroid right at Terra Nova, but thankfully we still have time to fix this. We have a matter of hours to stop all three torches before it's too late and that asteroid falls out of its orbit and onto the planet's surface.”

“How big is the asteroid?” I asked.

“Big,” Shepard affirmed. “And the torches are located quite a ways apart from each other.” Shepard opened his omni-tool and began sending information to mine, including a map of the asteroid that the Normandy VI had assembled. “Alpha, I want you to take torch one. Myself and Beta will take torch two. First one done proceeds directly to torch three. I've got two people who have never rappelled before, so we're taking the mako down. Ashley, you've got the _Normandy_ as your taxi. Call Joker the minute you shut down the first torch.”

“Aye, Sir. What are the ROE down on the surface?”

Shepard and I noticed a lack on comprehension of the acronym through the confusion in a few of the alien's faces. “X57 has a small civilian crew that is in charge of the entire operation to move the asteroid. I can't tell you who's friend or foe until we get down here. The rules of engagement are that you are all ordered to hold your fire unless fired upon.”

“Aye, Sir!” I acknowledged.

“I've already told Pressley this, but the asteroid has automated rocket defense turrets around each torch and the main bunker facility. Depending on what's really going on down there, you may need to watch out for them if they treat us as hostile.”

 _This keeps getting better and better. Don't know what to expect, don't shoot the civilians, and watch out for the killer rocket turrets._ “Understood, Commander.”

Shepard looked across the faces of my squad. “Good hunting down there. Stay calm and check your targets.” With that, he turned and headed for the mako. His team followed quickly after him. A brief flash of pain and regret escaped to the surface when I saw Liara's Ursa light armor in amongst the rest, but I managed to repress it again.

I got ready to pull the lever that would throw the mako clear of the ship. Because there was no atmosphere on the asteroid, I knew the hanger would depressurize uncontrollably the moment we opened the hatch. To avoid this dangerous problem, I activated the depressurization systems, which immediately blared warnings to keep the rest of the crew out of this bay.

“Full-seal helmets, Alpha Unit. Now!” I barked. On my omni-tool, I enabled the full-seal mode. Extra material came out of the suit, proceeding up to my normal helmet, over my head, and sealing me off from the air in the mako bay. The full-seal wasn't a different suit of armor or a completely new helmet—it was the same armor with a little bit extra added to it. I still had my normal helmet integrated as a part of it if I ever wanted to deactivate the full-seal mode; thus my head was still protected in either case. As the final seals formed, my stored air reserves began giving me the oxygen I needed to breathe.

“Comm check,” I ordered.

Private Deleon, the other woman in my unit, cut in, “Ma'am, I hear you loud and clear.”

Private Vinton, still inspiring fear with stature alone, also confirmed receipt. “Ma'am, let me just say I'm glad I'm on your side.”

I ignored the compliment. Corporal Dennon came in, “Clear as crystal, Chief.”

Wrex and Garrus uttered similar confirmations. Satisfied, I moved down my mental checklist, checking that every preparation was finished.

The mako bay finished depressurizing, and I opened the hatch. Seconds later the mako and Beta Unit was away. My unit each grabbed a line and affixed it to the hooks over the mako doorway, strapping themselves in for the rappel. I grabbed one myself and similarly prepared myself, trying to get into a firm, focused combat mindframe, free of all distractions.

Since there was no leak around the bullet, I knew for certain that the inner layer of my armor was still holding. The bullet had been stopped by the ceramic plate resting between the inner and outer layers, breaking it into two fragments, but that was the worst of it. I still felt rather worried about it breaking further while we were on X57, but I hoped having the _Normandy_ close by could compensate for any issues that might arise. Any further damage from bullets breaching the shields or fraying of materials through motion and wearing would only start a slow leak. That meant I'd have time to return to the ship if necessary. I still worried about it, though. I tried to push it aside and concentrate on the mission.

Joker came over my radio. “Chief, we've arrived at the torch, but I can't get us any closer because of the heat radiating from it. It'll overheat our systems. You've got one-half klick to the torch. I recommend you double-time it.”

“I'm sure that's something you'd know a lot about, Joker,” I replied, referring to his Vrolik syndrome with a certain amount of levity in my voice. I'd talked with him about it once before in the mess hall. At the time he'd joked about how he couldn't run or dance without snapping shins. I always got the impression he'd made peace with his limitations, so I felt it was a safe joke to me. We both knew he could make the _Normandy_ dance from in his pilot's chair without breaking a sweat. I liked his cocky, arrogant attitude when it came to all matters flying, but I didn't tell him that. It only would have made him worse.

Not one to miss the opportunity to banter, Joker cut right back in with, “Oh, if you're going to be like that, I'll start charging double for your taxi rides, Chief. Might even make it a whole kilometer next time.”

I smirked. _Joker—what a character. And a dependable pilot, too._ _Half a kilometer is nothing. He must have really maneuvered the frigate well to get that close without overheating._ I checked on the others, who all nodded their readiness. “Roger that. Move it out, Alpha Unit!” I bellowed into our unit's radio channel, jumping backwards off the platform and beginning to plummet towards the ground.

I braked and slowed my descent, bending my knees in perfect timing for a graceful landing that was devoid of the usual rising cloud of dust. I cut myself clean from the ship up above, bending over backwards to look up and watch the others finish their own descents. I watched every one to personally confirm they were clear before asking. Predictably, they answered that they were. “ _Normandy_ , we are clear!” I told Joker.

I turned away from looking up at the ship and pulled my sniper rifle. “Gotta move, Alpha!” I set off at a very ambitious jogging pace. I checked my omni-tool's readout on my air supply—it was holding steady at one hundred percent, for now. It'd begin to fall soon enough, leak or no leak.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

 

The torch was huge, possibly a hundred of “me's” tall; it dwarfed the rocky and jagged hills and cliffs of Asteroid X57. The lack of atmosphere made the stars so bright they looked close enough to touch if I reached out for them. The fusion torch was powered by Helium-3; powerful but with excessive waste heat production. The _Normandy_ had much better, more expensive engines; anti-proton drives that produced significantly more thrust with significantly less waste heat to build up and cook the ship. Joker had brought us to the side of the torch that angled the hot exhaust directly away from us; that's how he had gotten us so close.

And if I thought the stars looked bright, the torch itself was blazing with a fury that awed and amazed. I couldn't look at it directly without completely tinting the glass of my facemask. The flames stretching across the dark sky formed a mountain of fire. Alpha squad was proceeding down one of the jagged hills towards the torch.

I couldn't hear anything from outside my suit. It was eerie to see such a large and powerful burning reaction with none of the typical sounds of burning to go along with it. I could feel the ground trembling beneath my feet, however, cowering fearfully from the awesome power of the mammoth device. I was subdued by its presence too.

“Wow. I've never seen anything like _that_ before,” Deleon stated.

“Don't get distracted,” I warned the private. I was thinking the exact same thing she was, but we both needed to hear and heed this message. “It _is_ impressive, but we've got hostiles somewhere on this rock, and I'd rather not get surprised by them.”

“Of course, Ma'am,” came the professional reply.

I was glad I'd mentioned my concerns earlier; now, with a simple statement, I'd gotten her to ignore the distractions and concentrate without doing anything but issuing a gentle reminder. No doubt all three marines would remember my words from earlier at this point, and they'd watch themselves more carefully so the same mistake didn't happen again.

Fireteam One hadn't seen much action since the _Normandy_ became Shepard's command, through no fault of their own. They might be great soldiers as opposed to only good soldiers in time, but they needed more experience. Since Shepard was a marine at heart, I sincerely hoped they'd make the most of this mission. They weren't likely to become our standard ground team anytime soon.

I held up my hand to arrest Alpha's advance down the hill, and then motioned for everyone to get low and hide. Everyone covered up obediently, although Wrex and Garrus were more copying what Fireteam One did than responding to my hand motion. There were still a few things for them to learn, too, since they'd never been trained with the Systems Alliance Marines Corps.

I brought my sniper rifle up, aiming it where I thought I'd seen movement. The scope's zoom gave me a up close and personal look—considering the distance was over two hundred meters—of an alien with a strange suit of armor and head mask. The headgear seemed to have a far taller visor surface area than should be necessary, but it was tinted black so I couldn't see the face behind it. He was patrolling the area outside the torch.“ _Contact,_ ” I hissed into the radio channel, though I could have shouted and it wouldn't have made any difference.

Things like this could really show someone that I was used to fighting and training on planets, where noise mattered because it could carry. _Still, it can't hurt to whisper, so why not? Better than accidentally shouting next time I'm engaged on a planet._

I scanned the area and spotted several more soldiers in my line-of-sight. They were guarding the torch's perimeter, but there were no signs of a moving patrol beyond that. All of them appeared unaware of our arrival—probably not paying a great deal of attention to anything at all, and our ship would have been hard to see since the torch was so close and brightly overpowering.

Garrus pulled his sniper rifle and found my quarry. He calmly informed me, “Batarians, Chief.”

Nothing more need be said. Even I knew who the batarians were—humanity's competition for colonizing the Skyllian Verge. They had four eyes—one set higher than the other—on the front of their face and a rather ruthless reputation. Now I understood why the mask had such a big visor area. Most batarians never left the batarian worlds—their government was extremely authoritarian and strict about keeping its citizens away from the Council races. They'd been antisocial ever since they got upset that the Council refused to declare the Verge an “area of batarian interest.”

This meant that most likely, this batarian was either a mercenary or a pirate, connected with the slave trade—in either case, likely the hostile force responsible for unleashing this attack on Terra Nova. I growled lowly. _Not on my watch._

I called Shepard. “Sir, we have batarians on X57. Permission to change the ROE to engage on sight. We have the element of surprise on our side.”

Shepard cut back in, “Just check your targets, Chief. There are still friendlies somewhere on this rock. Engage only the batarians and their party on sight.”

“Roger.” I closed the channel.

To my squad, I ordered, “Dennon, Vinton, Deleon, Wrex—proceed down the hill. First, give me a five minute head start to set myself up on that bluff.” I pointed. “You get as close as you can without being seen. As soon as Garrus and I begin to engage them, get out there and flank 'um. Understood?”

The team affirmed their understanding, and I immediately took off to get to the nest I'd scoped out for myself. It took four and a half minutes to get there; I had to be careful to remain low and unseen. When I reached the nest, I dropped to my stomach, my arms breaking my fall. I gripped the rifle in both hands and proceeded to crawl. The sniper rifle's muzzle moved up, down, back and forth in a roughly circular motion to my left as I moved. I reached the edge, looking down over it to see the batarians guarding the torch.

I sent a ready challenge to my unit. Ready challenges didn't require anyone to speak and didn't interrupt or interfere with each other's signals—perfect in situations where the unit was divided into smaller groups. I had a list of my squad members in the upper-left hand corner of my HUD. Suit breeches, loss of kinetic barriers, and ready signals—all would be indicated there, next to their names.

It took less than a second for everyone to respond. “Ready” lights flashed next to each of their names in rapid succession, most simultaneously overlapping with the others. Assured we were as prepared for this fight as we were ever going to be, I proceeded the final push forward to get the rifle past the lip. I quickly aimed down below, spying the batarians and counting. “Ten contacts,” I whispered. “Assault rifles. Little to no cover beyond the doorway to the torch facility. Garrus, count of three. One. Two. Three!”

Two shots echoed out over the barren landscape—or at least, that's what I expected to have happen. Instead, I merely felt the weapon buck against my right shoulder. The target in my scope disappeared as he jerked and fell to the ground. There was no noise. _So unnerving. So wrong._

I brushed aside this little surprise and kept going, taking aim on another while I operated the bolt with one hand. Two more targets were down before any of the remaining batarians even realized they were under attack. They saw a comrade fall dead, and instantly the survivors erupted into a frenzied motion that was much harder to anticipate with the scope.

I pulled back and advanced the bolt again. I placed my crosshairs a few millimeters ahead of one batarian that was running towards the doorway into the torch facility. My rifle moved with him, always keeping those necessarily millimeters ahead of him. When it felt right, I pulled the trigger, and the rifle pushed back against me again. I caught the batarian in the neck, it appeared. He flew up against the side of the facility and slumped against it, but he was still alive and struggling. Silver air and a cloud of blood leaked through the hole; his suit was depressurizing.

I was in my zone now, utterly calm, always planning two steps ahead of the one I was executing. The bolt went back and forwards again. One more shot, and the wounded batarian was spared from a death by depressurization in the cold expanse of space. It was a small bit of mercy, but a necessary one. I wasn't so vindictive as to want to make the enemy suffer needlessly.

Wrex and the three marines behind him rounded the corner of the facility, racing towards the remaining batarians. The batarians were looking for Garrus and I, firing their assault weapons on full-auto and spraying them back and forth wildly. Horribly ineffective, but what could they really hope for, using assault weapons at this range? They were missing me by at least a full five meters, not suppressing me in the slightest. I wasn't even certain if they knew where I was. _Amateur hour._

Wrex's biotic corona fired up in brilliant purple. Fractions of a second later, he punched forward with a fist, and his biotic force threw two of them clean off their feet. I noticed Wrex had his shotgun out again. He didn't stop until he was within extreme close quarters, firing off one shell into the stomach of one pirate. Death would be instantaneous with that shotgun at that range. Garrus and I were finding it hard to hit the remaining survivors as they wove about randomly. The survivors turned their attention to Wrex and the three marines, probably screaming, yelling, and cursing, but I couldn't tell. It didn't matter what they were doing, however, because Corporal Dennon and his fireteam finished them off before they could retaliate.

Corporal Dennon immediately got on the radio, calling “Clear!”

I ran my scope all over the open area strewn with bodies and the facility itself. I agreed it was clear, so I stood up and began working my way down from my nest to the unusually flat surface surrounding the facility.

“Damn fine work, everyone,” I heard Deleon congratulate everyone.

Vinton whooped back, “Oorah!”

Suddenly, I was distracted by Shepard's voice as he cut into my channel. “Chief! Alpha! Respond!”

“Sir,” I acknowledged dutifully.

“Don't advance on the facility! Repeat, DO NOT ADVANCE ON THE FACILITY!”

I frowned, slowing my pace slightly. _What has gotten into him? Why does he sound so scared? Ten pirates caught by surprise was nothing._ “Sir, we've secured the outside, and most of Alpha is already at the facility. Garrus and myself are the last to assemble, and we're almost there.”

Corporal Dennon left the group at the facility and started walking towards me to meet me halfway, I assumed. Shepard, his voice desperate, immediately ordered, “TELL EVERYONE TO STAY STILL! DON'T MOVE A MUSCLE! NOW!”

I immediately switched to my unit's channel. “Everyone Freeze!” I ordered. Garrus jerked, surprised at my outburst, and took two more steps before noticing that everyone, including Dennon, was standing incredibly still. He copied our lack of motion.

“What's going on?” Corporal Dennon asked.

“I don't know, just hold on and keep the area secured. Nobody moves until I say it's clear, understood?”

Ready lights blinked in my HUD. I turned back to Shepard's private comm channel. With an annoyed tone, I told him, “We're not moving, sir. I'm right on the edge of an open area with no cover. You mind telling me why I have to stay out here where I'm vulnerable?”

“Chief, the whole plain around that facility has live blasting caps in it. If you get too close you could set them off. The only place you're safe is either on one of the hills or immediately next to the facility.” He took a breath, obviously unsteadied by this development. “You were about to step into a minefield, Williams.”

The color drained from my face, and I looked around suspiciously. I was at least a dozen paces beyond the “safe” hills and into the danger zone. Gulping a couple times while trying to speak, I told Shepard, “I—I think I already—I'll contact you in a minute.” I quickly closed the channel and went to the unit channel.

“Marines, this whole broad open area is littered with live blasting caps. Shepard says we're only safe if we stay on the hills or up close against the torch facility. Dennon, I want you to get back against the facility. Go slow, and make sure you take the exact route you took to get where you are now.”

Dennon seemed to scrunch up right where he stood, afraid for his life. I had to do the same thing, and get back to my hill. From there I'd go to the original hill where we'd first divided forces, and take Wrex's route to the facility since it was already proven safe. As Dennon began to move, I carefully put one foot back behind me as I turned my hips to look to my left and behind me. I held my breath.

Dennon reached the safety of the facility. I ordered them to watch that doorway for any more batarians coming out. Garrus retreated as well, but being already at the hill with the path Wrex had used, he was easily the second one to get to safety.

It took me ten minutes to follow Garrus around to the safe path. I looked at my chrono and air supply, frowning. We needed to pick up the pace—there was still another fusion torch to go, along with checking the main facility to see if we could find the engineers working on X57 and save them from the batarians.

Once we were all safely gathered at the door to the torch facility, I convinced myself to stop holding my breath so much and breathe more normally. My body welcomed the breath of fresh air. I nodded to Dennon, who took point immediately in front of me and came up to the door's entrance pad. He tried it, but it reported back that it was locked.

“Looks like the batarians couldn't get inside,” Dennon laughed.

“I wouldn't be so sure, Corporal,” I grimly countered. “They did activate the torch. I think they're inside, and they locked it to keep _us_ out.”

His carefree smile disappeared instantly, and he activated his omni-tool to break into the door's security. He reported to me a few seconds later, “Door's unlocked. The whole asteroid is on lockdown. That means the rocket turrets are online.”

“Great,” I replied. “Open up, let's move. We've got a facility to clear.” I pulled out a flash-bang grenade, the first of a great many I had decided to bring along to help with clearing facilities like this. I almost threw it in, but noticed the inside room was tiny—too small for anyone to be hiding inside. Feeling foolish, I realized it was an airlock to cycle between the facility and the vacuum of space. _You should have expected that, Ash._

I motioned everyone inside and carefully located the pin I'd pulled and dropped to the ground, replacing it in the flash-bang grenade. Then I followed them into the airlock, where Dennon remotely activated the cycling process.

It took a minute to fill the small room with standard air pressure. As soon as the interior door opened, I had that same grenade's pin pulled again and ready to throw into the room. I tossed it back behind some crates that were providing cover from my position. There was a shout as one batarian saw it land, and three batarians dove out of their cover in an attempt to escape the kill zone—not realizing it was a non-lethal grenade. It went off, creating a loud rapport and flash of light so bright, that even from across the room it could hurt. The flash-bang overwhelmed the senses—a noise so loud it would cause momentary ear-ringing near-deafness, and a light so bright it would blind for several minutes until the eyes had time to recover from the shock. This is the exact predicament the batarians found themselves in; utterly incapacitated, but alive. Alpha squad burst out of the airlock chamber and immediately yelled for them to drop their weapons, firing warning shots wide of their intended targets.

Despite the fact that they must have known we had the drop on them, the batarians, still blind, began to fire randomly in the direction of the airlock. We all took cover behind a big crate nearby, removing our full-seal helmets. We proceeded to cut them down easily. I never even saw one of my unit's kinetic barrier warnings go off.

I sent Deleon and Dennon over to secure the batarians' weapons. The two kept their weapons trained on the bodies as they pushed the weapons out of reach with their feet. That done, they also flipped a few bodies over to check for grenades or other ordinance still on their person, pulling those off and either adding them to their own suit or adding them to the pile of weapons we'd begun to amass near the airlock.

I ordered Dennon, Deleon, and Vinton to take up a defensive formation and watch the airlock for anyone coming in behind us. Meanwhile, Wrex, Garrus, and myself proceeded to the door at the far side of the room, intent on moving deeper into the facility and deactivating the Helium-3 torch.

I covered up against the door's panel on the wall. I ordered Garrus to the other side of the door from me and kept Wrex back where he wouldn't present a target to anyone in the next room. He looked quite sour for a moment, grumbling about how I was spoiling his fun. I shook my head in disbelief. Sometimes I wondered if he played up his bloodlust and warrior nature to impress me because I was a warrior as well. Then, at times like this, I had to wonder if perhaps he wasn't restraining himself and hiding to what degree it was actually completely true.

I pushed such thoughts to the back of my mind for now. Now was the time to concentrate on what I was doing. _Focus is always key to a soldier's victory._ As soon as I was ready, I reached behind me with one hand and activated the panel. The doors opened with a mechanical whir. I glanced inside, assault rifle in hand and just peeking past the doorway itself. The next room had more batarians who immediately plugged the doorway with weapon's fire. Several were spread out throughout the room, I gathered from my brief glance inside. I pulled away to keep from getting hit and reached into my supply of flash-bangs.

The room was wide open and flat. It held several digging vehicles, excavators, and other large, heavy equipment that would be used to hollow out the asteroid. The batarians were mostly using the vehicles for cover. I pulled out four grenades, one at a time. I threw one to Garrus and another to Wrex, and then pulled the final two for myself. I let my assault rifle hang from its strap across my chest. I pulled the pins on my flash-bangs. “Garrus, far left; Wrex, left-center. I'll take right-center and far right. Three. Two. One. Throw!”

We each exposed ourselves to the incoming barrage as little as possible for the briefest of moments. The grenades went into their appropriate quadrants. A warning shout of “Grenades!” came across quite clearly even to me, clear across the room from the person shouting. The barrage of bullets stopped almost completely a fraction of a second before the grenades detonated. The noise was so loud I was sure even I had a little hearing damage from that one. We hustled into the room and hid behind a row of low metal crates while shooting at the disabled batarians.

Most were able to duck behind the vehicles to save their lives, but two fell pretty much immediately. There was little in the way of targeted returning fire because everyone was hiding, trying to get their eyes and ears working again before they risked exposing themselves.

Wrex got tired of waiting. He vaulted over our boxes, charging a couple batarians hiding behind an excavator. Along one side and well away from Wrex and his targets, one batarian that hadn't been affected as severely by the grenades swung around and began to fire on him, draining his kinetic barriers.

“Shit!” I swore, immediately popping up and attacking that batarian. Garrus' assault rifle joined mine, and we suppressed him before he could hurt Wrex—barely. Wrex's kinetic barrier warning went off in my HUD.

Wrex flanked the batarians he'd charged and brutally beat down the first one with his weapon before training it on the second and firing a full-auto burst at him. Both batarians were down in less than a second, one plugged full of holes. As soon as Wrex was convinced the second was dead, he turned his weapon upon the first and finished him off as well. Then he took _their cover_ and waited for his kinetic barriers to recharge.

The strength of that krogan scared me.

We continued a back-and-forth fight with the remaining batarians. Wrex maneuvered himself quickly from place to place, constantly in motion, flanking the batarians who were too distracted with us to see him coming. Thanks mostly to Wrex, we killed all seven soldiers of fortune in this room and proceeded upstairs to the fusion torch's controls. I used my omni-tool to link to the controls and attempt to shut it down. Having no success, I ordered Garrus to try.

“Batarians scrambled the controls...” he mumbled as he began working. I paced restlessly behind him. _I wonder how it's going for Liara. She hasn't been on many missions; it really isn't her forte. These batarians are fighting tooth and nail. I wish she was on the_ Normandy _instead. At least she's with Shepard. Shepard is a good soldier; you can count on that, at least._

Suddenly, the throbbing of the floor beneath me halted and the low growl of the torch disappeared. The sudden change brought me out of my thoughts. “... But I've got it shut down,” Garrus added, mandibles flexing. It seemed to me that he was rather pleased with himself.

“Good job, Garrus,” I complimented him. “Ashley to _Normandy_ , we are ready for pickup—stay clear of the blasting charges when you come for us.”

“Roger, Chief,” Joker answered. “We got a data burst from Simon Atwell indicating where the charges are. We'll meet you on the opposite side of the facility from them.”

“Who?” I asked.

“An engineer assigned to X57. He's the one who warned Shepard about the blasting caps near your torch. Shepard found him attempting to slip past the batarians at the first torch.”

“Make sure you thank Mr. Atwell for me,” I quipped. “He really saved my bacon.”

“Will do, Chief. Pressley says the defense grid appears to have been hacked a few minutes ago—probably the batarians. Watch yourself when you leave.”

“Sure,” I answered. “Williams out.” I lead the way back towards the stairs, checking my chrono. “We've got less than an hour to secure the last torch,” I announced. “Let's move it—double time!” I raced down the stairs as quickly as I could without inviting injury upon myself. Wrex was slower than me on stairs, but Garrus kept my pace. We jogged back to the first room, where Fireteam One was guarding the airlock. “Any activity?” I asked.

“None,” they answered.

“Then let's move out. _Normandy_ says the rockets may have been turned against us a few minutes ago, so we're going to have to hurry to the ship and watch out for them. Don't stand around in one place when we get out there; the rockets aren't guided, but they're powerful enough to kill any of us instantly with a single direct hit.”

Alpha climbed into the airlock. As it depressurized, we engaged full-seal helmets and returned to the vacuum of the asteroid's surface. As I ventured out of the facility, I saw a rocket turret located on the same hill I'd sniped from when we first arrived. It had popped up out of the ground. I saw its muzzle begin to turn towards me.

“Turrets! Run!” I ordered, diving to one side. I led a fierce race along the building's side. I saw contrails from other turrets surrounding us as they fired upon us. I sheathed my assault rifle and paused only briefly to let everyone run past me now that I'd shown them the safe path to the _Normandy_. “Go, go go!” Once Garrus, former rearguard, ran past me, I resumed running as well. We felt the ground quake beneath us as the rockets slammed into the ground behind us and detonated, throwing rock chips in all directions. One was so close that after the ground shuddered from the explosion, I felt the fastest rock chips hit my kinetic barriers and drain them slightly.

We attempted to continue our breakneck pace as the path inclined up along a hill, but despite our efforts we couldn't help but be slowed down slightly. The rocket turrets, now further away from us, still continued to miss us by considerable distances. We finally topped the hill and covered up on the other side of it. Just as I managed to dive over the crest and down the other side, I felt the ground shake behind me. _Close call_ , I realized. _It must have been aiming at someone who topped the hill ahead of me._ My dive left me rolling down the hill, so I arrested my fall by extending my arms and took a deep breath as I skidded to a stop. The _Normandy_ was hovering a short distance away, using the same hill we were to hide from the turrets located at this torch.

Corporal Dennon and Private Deleon helped me to my feet. They both looked professional and composed. I personally felt a little shaken from nearly being blown apart by a rocket. My arm smarted, too, from when I'd reached out to stop my rolling.

I pulled my left arm closer to me, holding the elbow at a ninety degree angle and cradling it in my other arm. “Let's get back aboard the _Normandy_ ASAP,” I ordered through teeth clenched against the pain. I'd done something to it, but I wasn't sure what yet.

I began to worry what hardships Shepard's team might have endured so far. I hoped nothing bad happened to them, but considering the odds I'd been facing, it took only a small measure of imagination to see the worst. I especially worried something might happen to Liara during a fierce firefight. If anything happened to her—I didn't want to think about it.

We double-timed it back to the ship where the rappelling lines were already down and waiting for us to hook up. I grabbed one of them without hesitation, attempting to hook myself to it without using my left arm.

“Ma'am,” Private Deleon interrupted.

I turned to the woman. “No time to waste, Private. Get yourself strapped up and ready to be brought aboard.”

“Your arm,” she stated, not moving.

I looked down at it, still hurting, hand holding onto my side to help stabilize the arm and keep it from moving as well as lighten the force of gravity upon any one part of it. “I'll be fine,” I told her.

“We can ask for the rescue stretcher,” Deleon insisted. “You broke it, right?”

“I didn't break it,” I objected.

“Then move your arm.”

I relaxed my grip on my side, attempting to move my arm out and away from my body. It hurt badly, but I managed. “See?”

At this point the rest of Alpha was tethered and waiting for myself and Deleon to finish. Deleon moved away, grabbing her line and attaching herself with quick, practiced motions. We finished at roughly the same time since I had a head start but couldn't work as quickly with half a left arm.

I called to the _Normandy_ , “Winches on!” Instantly, we were tugged up as our lines were retracted. I almost lost my grip, but I held fast with white-knuckled determination with my right hand. We were up and pulled inside by the crew two or three at a time. Once freed from a line, that person would be shuffled away from the doorway, and the crew would pull in another. I was among the first to be pulled inside.

The mako bay door closed, and the bay began to repressurize. I paced the bay to stop thinking about the pain. _It's probably badly bruised,_ I figured. _I can move it—I showed Deleon that—so it's not broken. Could be a slight fracture, though, 'cause the pain is pretty intense for a bruise. After we save the colony I'll have to check myself in at the med bay._

The _Normandy_ pulled away from the deactivated torch and quickly moved to get out of the range of the rocket turrets. Unfortunately, it was too big to evade them, so it had to use its GARDIAN lasers to defend itself from the incoming explosives. I left the mako bay briefly to get an update from Pressley. I didn't need to see my chrono to know that time was running out to save Terra Nova. Pressley watched the holographic table closely as GARDIAN lasers shot out from the ship. He looked deeply concerned for our safety—appropriate for an executive officer like himself. I cleared my throat to get his attention.

He turned, eying me with a hard look. He left his platform and walked down the ramp to me. “Chief. Shepard's team has already shut down the first torch and is currently engaging the forces outside the third. That leaves the main facility. We still have a lot of scientists and engineers that are unaccounted for. The batarians probably are rounding them up there to be taken as hostages and slaves. You need to stop them before they escape with our people.”

“Aye, sir.” I answered. “What's the situation at the main facility?”

“We've received a few intermittent distress messages from the facility—one Kate Bowman apparently avoiding capture. She's been informing us of everything she can find out about the batarians. They're led by a batarian named Balak. Unfortunately, we believe Kate was captured a few seconds ago.”

“How close is the drop zone?” I asked.

“Thanks to the reactivation of the rocket turrets, I can only get you within a kilometer and a half,” Pressley replied. “The rest will have to be on foot. Try to avoid catching those rockets' attentions as long as you can.”

“Aye, Sir. I'll be getting back down there to brief the rest of my unit.”

“Fine.” Pressley looked around us briefly, then added lowly, “You and I might not see eye to eye anymore, but I hope you don't forget how this all started. The safety and security of this ship has always been my utmost concern. You'd better fall in line behind me when Shepard consults with us. I won't take kindly to slander; I promise.”

I affixed a judgmental gaze back upon him. “Between you and me, Pressley, bring it on. I'm not worried.” With that, I spun away and left him standing in the CIC, glowering.

We rappelled back down to the asteroid's surface. Usually I was among the quickest when it came to rappelling, but this time I was very solidly in the middle of the pack. My arm burned from the demands I put on it, but I felt more confident now than when I'd first been injured that it was probably not broken. That was some good news, anyway.

I barely peeked over the head of a hill to check the grounds in front of the main facility for hostiles. Nothing. I did see a metal platform—probably the top of one of the rocket turrets while it hid below the surface. There'd be more to avoid where that one came from.

We advanced slowly, attempting to scope out the turrets long before reaching them in order to avoid triggering them. Two were located on rails, moving back and forth, covering the main grounds. There would be no circumventing them—we'd have to risk it when we got there.

I had no desire to repeat my life-or-death run from earlier, but it looked like I had little choice in the matter. At least my team looked ready. I checked my air supply—twenty percent. Again, I was feeling restless— _this is taking too long_ , my instincts warned. I tried to calm them down and convince them it was better than a kilometer-plus all-out run, including running down the side of a rocky hill, while rockets were flying at me.

My instincts still weren't happy about it, even if I did feel the matter was decided. _Slow and steady wins the race_ , I told myself again and again. If I'd had the time, I would have considered how hilarious the idea was for a soldier to repeat the moral of a children's story in the middle of a battle zone.

We were approximately forty meters from the front door when I decided we couldn't get any closer and remain unseen thanks to the barren and empty landscape of the asteroid. I told the rest as much, and they got ready to make a run for it. “Can you unlock the door from here?” I asked my corporal.

“No, but once we get within ten meters or so, I'll be in range. I'll set up my omni-tool to start automatically as soon as it can. Door should be open before anyone reaches it, assuming I lead.”

“Good. I'm behind you, then. Everyone else falls in behind us. Who wants rearguard?”

“I'll watch our six,” Garrus volunteered. The other humans looked at Garrus, surprised to hear him use a human military idiom. I smiled at their surprise briefly.

“Good. Let's do it. Corporal Dennon, whenever you're ready.”

Dennon nodded and worked on his omni-tool for a minute. “Ready,” he decided. He looked up as his omni-tool's holographic interface faded away at the same time. He took two deep breaths and started running. I ran after him, and behind me, so did the rest.

I saw rockets stream past over my head. I glanced back to confirm that everyone escaped them unharmed before continuing the run. We made it to the door, but it was still closed. Dennon opened his omni-tool in a near panic, checking for a problem, but no sooner had he looked down at the interface then the doors opened automatically. I shoved him inside, quickly followed by the rest of the squad. As the doors closed behind us, I heard a rocket slam into the side of the building, damaging it. Fortunately, it didn't punch all the way through, so the facility remained pressurized.

“Get us cycled through this airlock immediately,” I ordered. Dennon complied, and soon we were inside. I had my grenades ready, but the immediate vicinity was clear of all obstructions and potential cover. Suspicious, I ordered Alpha to gather at the doorway and cover against its wall. Once there, we disengaged full-seal helmets and started breathing the facility's air.

Garrus opened the door this time, and I peeked into the next area—one pirate patrolled the way up the stairs into the main room of the facility. My assault rifle at the ready, I trained it upon the soldier and opened fire. My team was quick to assist with their own weapons. The batarian blinked all four eyes and shouted, “What in—!” before our rifles jointly tore through his shields and into his hide. He jerked wildly from the bullets and fell to the ground, dead.

I took point, leading Alpha into this new room and securing it. Then we proceeded up the steps into the main facility. The interior of the main facility was spherical, with multiple levels all going around the circumference of the sphere, and a lot of empty space in the middle. This was going to be the central hub for the orbital port facility when all the mining and building was completed. For now, it was a lot of wasted space and dead air. _It's a great sniper's arena, too_ , I realized, worried. I looked around for any batarians who had the same thought as I, but I didn't see anyone. That worried me just as much as if I _had_ found snipers. At least then, I'd know they _had_ had the same thought, and whether or not they were carefully watching for me. The first batarian had been surprised; maybe they didn't think we could have made it inside. I simply didn't know what to think.

In any case, I ordered everyone to stick to the walls and watch out for snipers. We proceeded down to the left, looking for batarians and humans both. I spied a few unmoving forms behind some glass in a room off the main facility. I led the way to the door and opened it, heading inside. Instantly, a wave of nausea sent me reeling backwards back out of the room. The smell of dead bodies was extremely potent in that room. I closed the door again, holding my breath to allow the smell that had followed to dissipate into the larger room. Finally, I took a few breaths to recover myself. Everyone else looked similarly affected, perhaps somewhat less so if they were lucky enough to have been one of the furthest from the door.

“I saw their uniforms—security,” I told the rest. “They were probably publicly killed in front of the engineers in order to decimate their morale and make them easier to control.”

Garrus nodded. “I've heard of batarian slavers doing that to any authority figure. It helps them break the slaves' will.”

I couldn't have been more infuriated than I was right now. My face settled into hard, dark lines. “They're going to pay,” I spat. I motioned for the unit to move out.

Considering the openness of this arena, I wasn't convinced the assault rifle was my best option, so I switched to my sniper rifle. We continued to circumnavigate the main room, looking for contacts. I heard the unmistakable whine of flying drones. “Drones!” I yelled. Everyone looked around, trying to find them. I saw one come out from the ceiling at a gap. It was an assault drone, larger than a geth version, and a powerful threat if left unchecked. “Up high!” I added.

We all brought our weapons to bear, myself not as effective as the others with a sniper rifle instead of the assault rifle. Still, despite this handicap, together we finished off four of them before taking any serious hits. That's when Deleon saw the batarians, one level below, about to line us up in their sights from across the way. “Snipers below! Scatter!” she yelled.

We broke up, half running in opposite directions. I ran until I got to a column and hid behind it, with my back up against it. I quickly spun to my right and took aim on the snipers who were trying to chase the rest of my unit with their rifles. One shot rang out just before I fired, hostile fire on my team. I hoped it missed its mark, and my hopes were supported by the HUD, which reported no armor penetrations. I covered up and heard another sniper shot from my level—Garrus has joined me in retaliating.

The snipers below us broke up, realizing they would simply be killed if they stayed exposed where they were. They retreated into a room accessible from their level and disappeared. “Report,” I ordered.

“Freaking alien almost killed me, how's that for a report!” I recognized Corporal Dennon's edgy voice.

Everyone was fine—but there was no mistaking it had been a close call. We reassembled and moved out of the main arena into one of the smaller side rooms. There were stairs and elevators and alternate routes all through these rooms, connecting them together in a web that was rather complex and convoluted to an outsider like myself who had never been here before. We found the snipers back about two minutes later, holed up in a small room at the end of a long hallway. I covered up at their room's door and threw in a flash-bang. As they cried out in pain, I rushed in along with Wrex, and we took all of them out with shotguns. As a unit, we continued to search for survivors and the batarian leader, Balak.

As we were nearly lost at this point, I decided it was worth risking the main arena again. We left the side rooms behind and entered it, noticing we had a clear shot to the platform in the middle of the arena, near its base, many stories below. Then I heard the cry of alien beasts snapping and growling. I looked down and noticed Shepard had made it here as well. He, Kaidan, Liara, and Tali were squared off with a squad of batarians—one of whom looked to be in charge of the rest. Both sides had weapons drawn and pointed at the other, but neither wanted to risk a shootout under these conditions, as both had no cover and a small chance of surviving.

There was no doubt things could go very wrong from here. As relieved as I was to see Liara unharmed, she and the rest were still in incredible danger right now. I had to move my squad fast and quiet. I prayed my friend would be all right; not with words, but more of an inarticulate plea generated by my subconscious. My conscious mind was too busy right now, as it had to be.

I quickly held up my fist to halt our advance and motioned for everyone to be quiet. I ordered us to take up flanking positions so we had multiple angles on the targets. I took cover behind another pillar and pulled my sniper rifle, unpacking it. I took aim and looked through. With the batarians at a good two hundred ten meters distance, this would be a challenging sniping position, but it helped that my targets were frozen in place. I probably didn't have the time to get closer. The batarians were talking to Shepard. I switched to Shepard's radio signal and eavesdropped.

“You humans.” I couldn't tell who was talking at first, but I could guess. Only the center batarian was not holding a leash with a vicious snarling animal at the end of it; he had to be the leader. Curious, I studied the creatures briefly. I spied immense, long fangs set in their bottom jaws that perpetually framed the outside of the front of their faces. They reminded me of rottweilers in their aggression and mastiffs in their immense, muscled mass. However, these creatures were nothing like dogs in that they had no fur, but looked more scalar, almost like a fish. _Natural body armor, maybe?_ _Wrex could probably tell me what these things are, but they look_ really _nasty. They'll tear into Shepard and his team the moment they're released from their leashes._

The leader continued, “You're almost more trouble than you're worth.”

Shepard stepped forward, looking imposing even at this range, while I was looking at him through a scope. “Let the hostages go, or I'll kill you where you stand.”

“I have a better idea,” Balak replied. “I'm leaving this asteroid. If you try to stop me, I'll detonate these charges.”

Balak held up a detonator, and Shepard looked around. I ordered everyone to hide from view before we could be spotted. Briefly, I looked for the bombs. I spotted two bombs of similar size and destructive capacity visible through windows in a couple rooms we hadn't reached yet—one room in particular, that held the hostages we were seeking to save. Shepard's low ground would only let him see the hostages banging against the glass, but my point of view let me see deeper into the room. I could see a few looking at the bomb in the room with them—obviously afraid of it, but unable to save themselves. Several others were banging at the door, but apparently it was locked to hold them.

“You're not getting away with this, Balak. Not after what you did here,” Shepard threatened. I remembered the room filled with the bodies of the security personnel. I shook away the image and looked through my scope again. Shepard had pulled the attention back down to himself and his level, making it safe for me to reacquire my target.

“This is nothing! You humans have done far worse to the batarians.” Balak bared his teeth momentarily. “We've been forced into exile; forced to survive on what we can scrounge up. It's been like that for decades.”

“Why take it out on the civilians?” Daniel asked. “They didn't do anything to you. If you have a problem with us, you can deal with _me._ ” His voice dripped with malice.

“Didn't do anything!? Aside from colonizing a world that could have been ours. Aside from using resources that _should_ have been ours!? We were left to defend ourselves, but the humans were stronger than us. We knew that. The Council knew that; but it didn't matter. It was you! You and your kind are the _only_ reason we're in this position!”

“Attacking Terra Nova won't change that.” Shepard gripped his weapon tighter. The stalemate was wearing on me, and I wasn't sure how it would end.

Quietly, I opened a private channel to both officers while continuing to train my weapon on the batarians and listen into Shepard's mic. Kaidan and Shepard, being Alliance-trained marines, would know how to covertly engage a new radio channel so they could hear me without giving us away.

“Lieutenant, Commander,” I whispered, never looking away from the ugly four-eyed aliens. “We're several stories above you in flanking position. Garrus and I have our sniper rifles trained on the batarians.” I paused. Unfortunately, this was the bad news. “Range two hundred meters plus.”

Neither couldn't answer me, obviously, but I did see Kaidan's body weight shift in surprise. He definitely got the message.

“We have no other options,” Balak coldly informed the Spectre. “Sometimes, you need to get someone's attention before they'll listen.”

“Like Elysium?” Shepard demanded hotly. “Was killing and enslaving all those innocent people just a way to get our attention?”

I remembered all the anger I'd felt when I'd heard pirates, many of whom were batarian, had attacked the human colony ruthlessly, killing the defenseless and carting off into slavery those judged to have sufficient potential. Shepard's bringing it up refueled my anger instantly. I growled lowly to myself.

He wasn't done. “Well you got it, and when we responded, you fled like cowards! Now you want to start it all over again.”

“Enough!” Balak demanded. “You can't possibly understand.” I followed Balak as he paced between his soldiers briefly before amending, “Actually, you just don't _want_ to understand, and I'm done wasting my breath. Now, if you want your friends to live, I suggest you step aside.” Balak held up the detonator again.

I knew I had to make sure everyone was ready. Over my unit's channel, I ordered, “Garrus, target Balak. Everyone else, I want you to descend to the batarians' level as quietly as you can. Do NOT allow yourselves to be discovered. I want ready winks.”

The ready lights flashed briefly next to everyone's name. I tensed. This was going to wrap up very quickly now. But what would happen next? _If we_ _don't kill Balak instantly—if we miss, or the weapons don't deliver a hard enough hit because of range—he'll kill those engineers with the bombs. This whole place could collapse. Or the explosion could punch a hole to space, and depressurize—and they'll asphyxiate. They can't survive if those bombs go off._

_On the other hand, he's a bad man. We must stop him now. Who knows what other attacks and atrocities he could be responsible for in the future? He hates humanity too much to stop. This is his holy crusade. He'll never listen to reason; he'll never back down._

_What are we going to do?_

I remembered those four bodies on Feros among countless injured. I couldn't do that again. I wouldn't have that on my conscience, no matter what. If I couldn't stop Balak today, then I wouldn't punish these innocent people for my own ineptitude. This was too risky. If I had the chance to make the call, I'd release the batarian. Unfortunately, it wasn't up to me. Shepard was here, and this was his call. Just like Feros.

I waited fearfully with baited breath. Shepard seemed to be weighing his options. I wanted him to think of the distance, of the chance that gambling could leave him with no survivors _and_ no Balak. I would do anything to have the chance to tell him not to do it.

“You can go, Balak,” Shepard ground out. “And there won't be a corner of this galaxy dark enough for you to hide. I will find you and kill you,” he spat. I breathed a sigh of relief, my finger lightening up on the trigger.

“Maybe, but I made sure you won't follow me today.” Balak grinned. “Those charges are still on a timer. Better hurry if you want to save your friends.”

The three batarians retreated a few steps, still watching Shepard's team. As they reached cover, they let go of the beasts and ducked out of sight. They were running down the hall, towards the exit and their ship.

The fish-dogs practically jumped down from the top of the stairs at Shepard and the rest. Shepard's team opened up with their assault rifles on them, peppering their bodies in seconds. Both beasts slumped, unmoving, at the base of the steps. Liara's biotic corona was active again, but biotics weren't necessary this time—the animals seemed to have died before they hit the ground.

My sniping nest wasn't useful any longer, so I pulled away from the pillar and clipped the weapon to my back. I pulled my pistol and began running for the hostages. “Shepard, my unit will disable the bombs. Go after Balak, but don't tip him off until we've had some time to disable the bombs!”

Shepard agreed, “You heard the Chief, after them!” Shepard's team disappeared down the same hallway as Balak and his men, racing with their weapons at the ready.

I switched to my unit's channel. “Everyone move out,” I ordered. “We've got to find all of Balak's charges and disable them, ASAP! Shepard will deal with Balak as soon as we're clear.”

My team broke up and raced from side room to side room. Wrex and Garrus found one together and began to disable it. I ran towards Kate Bowman and the other hostages, arriving at their prison in short order. The door refused to open. I activated my omni-tool, linking it to the door.

The device informed me that this door, like others we'd already encountered, had been encrypted by the batarians—by _Balak._ I attempted to work past the encryption like I'd seen Garrus do. Over the radio, I informed the rest, “I'm attempting to gain access to the hostages and the bomb in the room with them. The door's encrypted.” I could feel each second tick by agonizingly.

“Do you need assistance?” Garrus asked.

I wanted to say no, but I wasn't certain. “Yeah, help would be good.”

“This is Private Deleon, I'm on my way to you, Chief.”

Frustrated, I punched another command into the omni-tool, not expecting it to work. The doors shot open, causing me to jump back. There were a few collective cries of relief as the engineers stumbled out of the room, nearly stampeding.

“Watch yourselves! Stay inside this room!” I ordered, but a few disregarded my instructions and ran past me, out into the main arena. I couldn't guarantee their safety, nor could I worry about it right now. Over the radio, I told Deleon her assistance wasn't necessary any more and proceeded into the room with the bomb. Deleon resumed looking for more devices instead of heading my direction.

The timer had less than two minutes left. I quickly took two photographs of the bomb, sending it to the _Normandy_. Seconds later, an officer in the CIC sent me the complete spec sheet on this style of bomb and the procedure to deactivate it. It wasn't a bomb originally, but a demolition charge, making disabling it much simpler. I quickly read it over, finding the parts and wires indicated. Taking a deep breath, I began to work on the device.

“Have you ever disabled a bomb before?” a hesitant voice asked me as she watched me consult my omni-tool. It was one of X57's engineers, beyond that I had no idea who she was.

“Lots of times. Drills, you know. It'll be fine.” I bit down on my lip slightly. _Drills? That's the best lie you've got? You're a soldier, not the special forces or the bomb squad._

“I know you're probably lying,” the woman replied, sounding worried, “but thanks.”

“No problem.” I continued working, not sparing so much as a glance at my companion. Over the radio, I heard that two more bombs were found and in varying stages of deactivation. Garrus had finished his, so both he and Wrex were continuing to check for more.

As I finished the final step, the counter disappeared with ten seconds left to go. I took a deep breath and sighed with relief. “This is Williams, my bomb's down. Alpha squad, report in.”

“All bombs encountered have been disabled, sir. The timer on any we missed should have elapsed by now, but there's been no detonations—we're in the clear.”

“Williams to Shepard, the bombs are all disabled. Engage at will.”

“Acknowledged,” I heard the Spectre's raspy voice answer back. He was breathing hard, probably from running after Balak.

I turned my radio back to my squad. “Let's focus on shutting down those rocket turrets before they hurt someone.”

“Chief, this is Garrus. There's a control room for the asteroid's lockdown and defense systems in a control room at the top level. Wrex and I are on our way there now.”

“Be careful,” I warned them. “Watch for any more drones that might still be prowling in this facility.”

“Very well,” Garrus answered. “Vakarian out.”

I turned to my companion finally. “Hi. I'm Ashley,” I offered.

“Kate. Kate Bowman,” replied the woman. She was young, like me, but with blond hair—dyed probably, since her eyebrows were a dark black. One look into her blue eyes, though, and I could tell something was wrong.

“What's wrong, Kate?” I asked.

“My brother, Aaron. Balak killed him when we refused to tell him about your ship. I'm still—I don't want to believe he's gone.”

“I'm sorry,” I told her, feeling horribly inadequate to the task of consoling her. I looked around the room awkwardly for a few moments, avoiding eye contact. I heard her sob quietly under her breath.

Her tears wore me down. I had to do something for her. I tried to reassure her by touching her arm. “Listen, Balak won't get away with what he did to your brother. My commander's already hot on his trail. We'll stop him. It's a promise.”

She looked up at me, sadness written into every corner of what was otherwise a lovely face. “It won't bring my brother back,”

“No, it won't,” I conceded.

Kate switched tracks to something less painful for her, taking a deep breath to compose herself. “Thank you for saving us, Ashley.” Kate stumbled over the words slightly as she addressed me. “I—I think I need to see to Aaron.” She fled the room.

I inhaled and exhaled a deep breath. _Well, you're not winning any awards for most comforting person of the year, but you did save their lives, including Kate's. She risked hers to contact the_ Normandy _, and I paid her back by saving her. That's the good news. Try to concentrate on that._

“This is Shepard to Alpha. We took a shot at the batarian ship's airlock with the mako as they were leaving. There was an explosive decompression and two bodies were sucked out into space. The ship still escaped.”

Immediately, I got on the radio. “Do you know if you got Balak?” I asked. “Was one of the two bodies that evil son of a bitch?!”

Shepard's defeated tone betrayed the answer before he even finished. “I'm sorry Williams, but the bodies flew away from the asteroid into empty space. There's no way to know.”

I felt like swearing further, but bit down hard on my tongue instead. “Ok, Commander.” I signed off the channel. _At least we saved Terra Nova and the hostages on X57. Think a little more positively, Ashley. You did good here. A lot of good._


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

 

We remained at Terra Nova while the engineers fixed X57's orbit with a reorientation of the asteroid and a several careful burns on the Helium-3 torches. The _Normandy_ needed to dump its accumulated drive charge, a natural by-product of FTL drives. We came in for a landing at a spaceport and grounding station that could allow the potentially deadly charge to make its way out and away from the ship safely.

I was fortunate in one respect; my damaged left arm was not as bad off as I originally feared it might have been. Chakwas told me it was must have been a hard hit, but that I was just hard enough myself to withstand it. The pain from the bruising became very mild in perspective to other injuries I'd withstood over the years, and it would heal completely on its own with time.

Shepard called Pressley and myself to his quarters. We entered at roughly the same time, discovering Daniel at his computer, calling up various records. “Take a seat,” he ordered without glancing at either of us.

I did as commanded, taking a seat on a couch. There weren't many other places to sit, so Pressley sat down next to me. I pointedly put a few extra centimeters between us by adjusting how I sat.

Shepard finished whatever he was doing and turned. He rolled his chair over to be nearer to the two of us and able to look us head-on. “We have a problem. Any ship, any crew—any _soldier_ knows how vital communication is. It can define the very outcome of the battle; it can save lives. Lately, I've become aware of a very serious miscommunication between myself and Mr. Pressley.”

Pressley shifted uncomfortably. “Sir, I know I should have told you, but I did what I did for the safety of the crew—.”

Shepard cut him off, “I'm not finished yet!” Pressley immediately lapsed into silence, chagrined. “Now, when it comes down to the operation of this ship and what her crew is doing, I should know _everything_ at all times. No exceptions. I am her commanding officer, and I cannot lead her effectively if I'm not even aware of what is going on aboard ship. What you have done, Pressley—for whatever reasons you think justifies it—has challenged my very authority. You know what else classifies as a challenge to the CO's authority? Mutiny.” He spat the word.

Pressley objected immediately. “Sir, that is absurd! I would _never_ break the chain of command like that. I simply worry about their intentions. The aliens know too much about our ship and its _classified_ technology from being aboard for so long. Maybe what I did was wrong, Sir, but I did it for good reasons, not because I wanted to undermine your authority. That couldn't be further from the truth. I wanted to convince you to see things from my point of view, and I knew I needed hard evidence to do that.”

Shepard shook his head. “Don't you think I know how important the security of this ship is? I have vetted them each personally, perhaps not as deeply as you've gone, but still enough to know what kind of people I've invited aboard my ship. Make no mistake, Mr. Pressley, there is nothing you can say that changes the gravity of what you have done here. If you truly had this much concern about the aliens I brought aboard, I should have been made aware of it and decided if your investigations were warranted. I should have been aware of your investigation's progress every step of the way. This is inexcusable, Commander.”

Pressley had no answer to that, and I relished him being torn down by Shepard more than I should have. Pressley and his stupid mission was the reason Liara wasn't speaking to me—the source of all my inner turmoil of late. In my opinion, he was getting off lightly so far.

“Now, Gunnery Chief Williams. You are just as culpable in this as Mr. Pressley. You willingly took part in this investigation, which was clearly against my policy of integrating the aliens into my crew as equals, and you kept it entirely between yourself and Mr. Pressley.”

I nodded. “I was ordered to make reports to Commander Pressley, Sir.”

“I know you respect the chain of command. That's what makes this all the worse. I never expected to find out that you would take part in something like this. I want an explanation, soldier.”

I looked to Pressley briefly. “When he first proposed this investigation we were still fresh off the Citadel with three strange aliens aboard we'd never seen before. I didn't know them, didn't trust them, and I wanted to believe Commander Pressley was right about them. So I tried to find out for myself. I wanted to protect this ship because this is an opportunity I am quite frankly blessed to have. It was relatively simple; I talked with them, tried to ascertain their goals aboard the _Normandy_ , I made regular reports to my XO. It didn't seem all that bad or wrong, not at first. Things snowballed from there.”

Shepard's face hardened, and I could tell his opinion was swinging against me. I kept going, resolute. “I apologize for my part in this. I regret it. I've regretted it for a long time now. That's why I recently went to Commander Pressley and told him I wouldn't do it anymore. He threatened to remove me from duty, and then added that he would remove me from the _Normandy_. As much as it hurt to think about that, Commander, I couldn't in good conscience continue this investigation. I realized it for the ugly thing that it was, or that it had become. So I put a stop to it and accepted the consequences, whatever they are and may be.”

Shepard shook his head. “It is a shame, Gunnery Chief, that you couldn't have had your epiphany earlier. Like before we left for Therum.”

It was my turn to have nothing to say. It wasn't as nice as when it was happening to Pressley. Shepard didn't say anything else for a very long time. Finally, he decided, “Mr. Pressley, I am docking your pay for seven days, and I'm placing you on a kind of 'probation' that requires a higher level of accountability. You'll be writing five times the reports, if that's what it takes to convince me you're being straight with me again. Any and all orders that go beyond the standard running of this ship will go through me. That will be the end of the disciplinary action only if I receive your promise that you will practice full disclosure with me from now on, and that I will have your full support in integrating the aliens into the crew. If you can't give me that, then tell me now, and you can request reassignment. I will not provide an endorsement, but at least you won't be any worse off than you are now aboard a different ship.

“Don't make this promise unless you intend to keep it, Mr. Pressley. If I ever have a problem again, there will be consequences for you—including a court martial and potential dishonorable discharge. I'm going to write you up for this indiscretion, and I won't be kind. Then I'm going to save it to my private files and keep it there. If we have no further altercations like this, then that report will never see the light of day. You can continue to serve on the _Normandy_ to your fullest capacity as XO. Think about this carefully, Commander, before you make your decision.”

Shepard turned slightly towards me, and I braced myself for it. “As for you, Gunnery Chief, I will not overlook this either. I need to know where you stand, and I need the truth.”

“Sir, I need you to understand that I have never had anything but the utmost respect for your command. I believe the aliens are trustworthy and that my investigation into them is over. I've worked closely with them for a while now, and I trust them. Having them around hasn't been a problem for me for a long time.”

“Good. You're a good soldier, Williams, and I value your moral compass in a challenging time such as the one we live in now. I'm not going to have you kicked off the ship for this, but I am going to restrict your privileges as a noncommissioned officer until such time as I feel full restitution has been made. Make sure you report to Lieutenant Alenko for his approval of anything now falling beyond your purview. I also require you to remain aboard during our next shore leave to keep the ship company.” He smirked, but there was no humor in his face, only a hard glare of judgment. “Be aware you are making the same promise to me that Pressley is—and there is no measure for how hard I will come down on either of you if you fail to uphold it.”

“I promise, Commander.” My gaze kept unerringly fixed on his face, showing the strength of my conviction and my lack of fear to his threatened reprisals. I knew he wouldn't have further issues from me. He seemed to accept this.

“And you, Mr. Pressley?”

“Stopping Saren is the most important thing, Commander. What you've said is right, and I see how wrong I was to do this without you. I know I've hurt your trust in me, and I'm willing to work hard to restore what I've damaged. Believe me, it won't happen again.”

“I'm glad to hear it. You are both dismissed; I have a report to write.”

I exchanged a quick look with Pressley before standing and saluting, and then leaving Shepard's quarters. Pressley stopped me once we were outside and Shepard's doors had closed.

“What changed, Chief?” he asked suddenly.

I considered his question. “I changed, Commander,” I told him. _I just wish, like the Commander does, that I'd done it a lot quicker. My stubbornness has made it all the more difficult now. I was blind—blind like the Consort warned me._ I was slightly shocked to suddenly discover a whole new layer of meaning to her brief sit down with me. _She says a lot with a little, doesn't she?_

Seeing that Pressley still looked expectant, I pressed forward. “I took my responsibility seriously, Commander, even if you aren't as certain about that as I am. I worked hard to study all the angles that I could think of. In all of that, I never expected to identify with their motivations as if they were my own. I never expected to discover they were just like me on the inside. I thought they were fundamentally different. They would have to be, to be the monsters I imagined that were responsible for Shanxi. When I realized their motivations were just as human as mine, and continued to talk with them, I discovered for the first time that I could befriend them just as easily as any human. It wasn't instantaneous or easy, but I put aside my preconceived notions and tried to accept them for who they were. That's how I changed.”

Pressley nodded and then shrugged.“I was getting used to the constant hostility between us. Do you think we can put it aside and work together to accomplish this mission?”

 _Maybe._ “Do you trust the aliens?”

“Only with this mission. After that—who knows what they might do. You know how many people would kill to know what they know, both about this mission and about the ship? It's a cutting edge prototype, the next generation of frigate technology. Our stealth technology is a first this galaxy has ever seen. That buys a pretty penny where I come from, and I don't know anybody, human or alien, that is immune to greed. Like you said, they're just like us.”

I challenged, “Why don't you complain about the crew then?” His eyes hardened into a sharp glare. I knew what I was insinuating about his choices in crewmembers, but it had to be said. “I'll tell you why. You know the crew. You may not have picked every single one of them, but you picked a lot of them. You know their service records and profiles. I've seen you in every single room on this ship at least half a dozen times. You confer with your crew, and you talk to each one of them. That's how you know you can trust them.

“But I never see you do that with the aliens. Not the same way; not as long, or as often. You barely exchange pleasantries and pass along Shepard's orders when it's asked of you. You're making all these judgments without getting to know them for yourself. It's the same mistake we both made when this whole thing started. By default, you had my respect before we got to know each other, but now, you've lost it for good. I hope your pathological need to find faults in allies _you've never even really met_ was worth the cost.”

I glared back at Commander Pressley, daring him to say anything, before concluding. “We can be 'civil' just like you're 'civil' with Shepard's team, and we can work together to finish this mission, but I wouldn't go holding out hope for anything beyond that. Excuse me, Commander.” I brushed past him, continuing towards the elevator. I punched the button, and as the door rose up out of the floor to close between us, I saw Pressley walk past, looking at me funnily. I could tell he was still thinking about what I'd said.

_Good._

() () () () ()

I received permission to leave the _Normandy_ only because my armor was still damaged from that bullet that had nearly torn into my chest on Feros. While some others were enjoying a brief respite of shore leave, I was “imprisoned” aboard the ship. It was hard seeing Liara every day and not talking with her. She had yet to make good eye contact with me since that day she found out about the investigation.

It wasn't just _“hard,”_ however. It _hurt._ It hurt today just as badly as it hurt when she uttered an asari curse at me. _Athame turn you away!_ I kept comparing it side by side with the blessing she'd offered to my father. _The goddess receives him in love._ The message was quite clear in both cases; Athame had the choice to accept you when you died. The curse might as well have been “Go to hell.” The other was a blessing offered in consolation, hoping to lessen your suffering if you believed the deceased went to a better place, entered the care of a benevolent mother-figure.

Putting her words into my vernacular illustrated the weight of how badly I'd screwed things up with Liara. I knew she was patient, and she didn't utter curses at everyone who annoyed her a little bit. It made me feel like dirt to know I had driven her that far away.

When Liara and I had compared our religions, we'd found so many things in common that could compliment each other. It had given me hope that I could share my beliefs with another person aboard this ship. A while ago, during an otherwise innocuous conversation, Shepard had told me he wasn't interested in what I had to say about God and religion. It made me feel isolated. I didn't want to convert him against his will, of course. I wasn't trying to evangelize for his soul if he wasn't interested. I just wanted to be accepted, and my religion was an integral part of who I was that he simply rejected out of hand.

Liara had given me such acceptance, a ray of light that came from an incredibly unlikely direction. She was so special. She could accept anyone for who they were and inspire them to be better. I'd taken her gift to me and squandered it. _There are stories in the Bible about that—seems I didn't learned my lesson very well. To some degree, it's a lot like the saying goes—you never know what you have until it's gone._

I wished I could be forgiven. I wanted to talk to her about anything—I didn't care what topic, just _talk_ to her. She must have seen me watching her. Trying to catch her eye, trying to engage her. Yet, it never worked.

Right now, however, I could distract myself. The _Normandy's_ Requisition Officer had given Alenko the credits for a purchase, and now I was strolling past various armor shops, checking out the brands. There were more brands on this human colony than on the Citadel. Not every human-armor manufacturer had the capital power to set up a shop at the heart of the Council races. Still, I only stopped to look at manufacturers with a good reputation, and most of them would have had shops on the Citadel. In that way, the choices between here and there were almost exactly the same for me.

I checked on a heavy suit of armor by Kassa Fabrication. It was their latest generation armor, known as the “Colossus” brand. Whereas my original Phoenix armor was mostly white with light red highlights, this armor looked considerably more badass with an all-black shell and blood-red highlights for the inner flexible layer. Its shields and armor plating ratings were unparalleled among modern armors. Alenko looked appropriately impressed too.

“How much can we spend again?” I asked slyly.

Kaidan laughed. “Not that much, I'm afraid. Let's keep looking.”

“Yeah,” I sighed, taking one last longing look before moving on.

We kept looking for a while. I pretended not to notice the Ursa light armor identical to the one I'd helped Liara pick out. When Kaidan almost shoved the heavy Ursa version in my face, I made up a flimsy excuse about its construction bothering me. He seemed perplexed, but returned it to the rack from which it had come.

After an hour or so of careful searching, I decided the best armor for our budget was going to be the heavy Titan line from Rosenkov Materials. It was muted black and gray, the colors fitting together in a camouflage pattern that still looked good. It was considerably less shiny than my old Phoenix—it preferred to soak up light rather than reflect it. That would be valuable in combat. I always hated the target my old armor painted on me by being bright and easily reflective. At least this was a step in the right direction.

I tried it on a second time, deciding I liked the way it assembled around my body and fit snugly. In the changing room as I took it apart, I removed the inner padding to better accommodate my breasts, replacing it with a thinner one and trying it on again. Kaidan waited silently out in the front of the shop.

I decided it fit almost perfectly now. I tried a few stretches to test my range of motion. It was actually a little better than my old Phoenix armor had allowed. Satisfied, I removed the armor fully and brought it up front to get Kaidan to pay for it.

Gathering the armor together in a sack, we departed the shop quietly. “Thanks for helping me today,” I offered.

“Yeah,” Kaidan answered. “I have to say, I was dreading this.” He added a little levity to his tone as he explained, “I thought you'd be a little more like normal girls—you know, how they can go ballistic when you get them within fifty feet of a store with the intention of buying something.”

I shrugged. It wasn't horribly humorous in my opinion. “I never got along with that crowd of girls. I was always more of a tomboy.”

“Well, I'm just glad it was over quick and painless. Thanks, Chief.”

“No problem, El-Tee,” I answered back, shooting him a smile.

“We don't spend a lot of time together considering the size of the _Normandy_.”

 _Astute observation. What's your point?_ “No, I guess not.”

Kaidan led the way as we turned a corner and had to walk single file briefly to get past a glut of pedestrians. I caught up alongside him after they'd passed by. “I debriefed Corporal Dennon and Fireteam One after the mission on X57. They were really impressed with your command on the asteroid. As Private Deleon put it so wistfully, 'Takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'.'”

Now I laughed. “She didn't say that.”

“On the contrary,” Kaidan shot back, “she did.”

I sobered. “Wow.” I couldn't think of what else to say. I was feeling pretty good, though, and that was a refreshing change of pace.

“Anyway, it made me realize that you're a good officer and a natural leader. It made me feel more than a little guilty that I didn't find this out earlier by talking with you personally. I think we should work on fixing that. Together, you and I are in charge of every marine on the ship. We set the examples. We should set the example in our communication between each other, not just our leadership.”

I nodded. It made sense, and I agreed that communication was our weak point.

Changing topics, Kaidan asked, “You want to stop for some food before we return to the _Normandy_?”

“You know I'm not supposed to do that,” I reminded him, even though I secretly desired to eat some real good human food before being restored to my gilded cage.

“I know,” Kaidan cut in quickly, “but to be honest, I wasn't expecting us to finish in only an hour and twenty minutes, and I see it as a godsend, because this means I can stop for some real food while we're here. I'll even cover for you if anybody finds out.” Kaidan smiled.

I smirked back at him. “Another biotic binge?”

“You know it,” Kaidan played it up effortlessly. “So, food?”

“Yes, food,” I agreed quickly.

We found a small restaurant with a wide selection of entrées. I ordered a good soup while Kaidan ordered a large pasta dish along with a side of steamed vegetables, mashed potatoes, and extra bread. I helped him clear some room on the table when the waitress brought over our meals. I tried the soup and smiled. It tasted heavenly. This was almost good enough to be worth the court-martial if Shepard found out about it.

Kaidan volunteered to share some of his breadsticks. I accepted gratefully and tried it. I gave an enthusiastic report.“I like it!”

He smiled. “Me too. So, you used to be stationed here, huh?”

“Yeah,” I explained, “under Lieutenant Hawke. I hated it. He drove me like an animal most days.”

“Trying to get the most out of his soldiers, perhaps? Whip them into shape?”

“More like trying to whip me out of shape. I think he wanted me to give up.”

“Yeah? Why?”

“I'm sure he had his reasons,” I evaded. It wasn't personal; but I couldn't be close to Kaidan like I had been to Liara. It hurt enough losing someone like that once; I didn't need to fracture the pieces I had left. Not to mention, it just didn't feel the same with him, but I couldn't really explain that feeling even to myself.

“Huh. Hawke, huh? You know, I've had more than a few tough instructors in my time, too. Especially a turian by the name of Commander Vyrnnus. I knew him many years ago, before I was in the military. He introduced himself to me by saying, 'I was at the helm of the dreadnought that killed your father.' I heard him use that line on a couple of us kids at Jump Zero.”

“What were you doing on Jump Zero as a kid? And what was Vyrnnus doing there?” I asked, confused.

“I was being trained in biotics. It was a new field at the time, and nobody knew how to deal with us and our gifts. They brought in Vyrnnus because they wanted to start a program training biotic soldiers, and who better to train us than another biotic. This was back before the program was run by the military; instead, we had a private company called Conatix in charge of our training program.”

“Vyrnnus must have hated that assignment.”

“I'd imagine so,” Kaidan hedged, “but really, I got _myself_ into the boiling water. I stood up to Vyrnnus and told him that my father wasn't even in the war. Ever since then he had a personal grudge against me. All of us teenagers had it bad; I just had it worst of all. They were some pretty brutal conditions considering I was still just a kid—a scrawny teenager—and growing up. He wouldn't let any of us get so much as a cup of water without using our biotics.”

“Sounds brutal,” I empathized. I needed no imagination to think of an alien holding a grudge against another species; it was how I'd been for years before coming aboard the _Normandy_. _How much I've changed, but Liara doesn't know and won't let me explain. Maybe she's right. Maybe I only_ think _I'm above it now._

“Usually, when it comes to those brutal assignments, you gotta find the silver lining or the lesson to make the hardship worthwhile; make it mean something. What I learned from Vyrnnus was priceless. Aliens are jerks and saints, just like us. You have to look at them as an individual, not just as a different race.”

His final words instantly made me recall my last conversation with Pressley. Briefly, I considered the possibility that this trial with Liara was for my own personal growth, the 'silver lining'. _Perhaps,_ I reasoned, _but haven't I already changed? Shouldn't it all be over now?_

I finally answered the lieutenant. “Believe me, I know,” I grumbled. I ate some more soup to fill in the space forming between us. Kaidan did the same with his own food.

My mind kept coming up with questions, and they were eating away at me like acid. Did Liara misunderstand, or did she know where I was on a personal level even better than I? Was I too close to myself, and the situation, to judge it correctly?

Sure, I didn't want to investigate the aliens on the _Normandy_ anymore. Was that really such a big step? I'd already _done_ it, and found nothing. That made it easier to trust them. Maybe I was better than Pressley—but I'd always been taught that I wasn't supposed to compare myself to others to appease my conscience. They were human, so they were fallible. _I have the perfect example of God to follow. He's the measure, not Pressley._

“Chief?” Kaidan prodded. “You there? You disappeared on me.”

“Huh?” I asked, and then attempted to recover. “Oh, sorry. I have a lot on my mind lately.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

 _I wish I could._ “Oh, I dunno,” I equivocated. “Not really; it's personal.”

“Don't worry about it,” Kaidan winced, answering quickly. “I won't push you.”

I couldn't come up with a response at first. “—Thanks. I'm sorry for treating you badly in the past, especially the last time we were sparring. I was more than a little wound up.”

“It's fine,” Kaidan told me.

“No, it's not. I'm really sorry for the things I said and did. You didn't deserve it. You've been a great officer, and I know you really care about everyone on the ship.”

“Thanks Chief. You're not too bad yourself, at least usually.” He smiled to let me know he didn't truly mean the last part literally. “And if you're fishing for something more, then yes, I forgive you, too.”

I nodded, thankful, smiling out of one corner of my mouth briefly before returning to my food.

With that issue laid to rest, however, it became even harder to ignore the other one. It took only a short time of quiet eating for both of us before I couldn't keep my question internalized any longer. Keeping it in only let it tear at me even more. “Ok, fine. Am I a bigot, El-Tee?”

Kaidan seemed shocked. I pressed forward, “No, really, I need to know, because I think I'm a lot better now than I was before I came aboard, but if I really am, then why does she hate me?”

My eyes widened in surprise. I'd just said it, let it out there, in the wind. _Damn your unfiltered mouth! Kaidan knows, knows what's really hurting, and he can imagine why that is._ I gulped. I didn't know what else to do. We stared at each other for a pregnant pause that could put an elephant to shame.

Kaidan recovered first, but proceeded slowly and carefully. “A bigot? Where's this coming from? Who's 'she'?”

I turned my eyes away, staring to the side at other tables with patrons eating their meals, looking much more comfortable than I felt right now. “Nobody. It's not important. Please just do me a favor and forget I said anything,” I pleaded quietly.

Kaidan forced a cough. “Whatever's going on, it's really bothering you, isn't it?”

I nodded weakly.

Kaidan frowned with disappointment; he'd obviously been hoping for more than that. He seemed to put some thoughts together before speaking next. “I don't see how anyone could call you a bigot, Chief.” He paused, as if trying to decide about something. “Let's go really far off the record here. Mind if I call you Ashley, at least for this conversation?”

I looked at him sideways before saying anything. “Ok,” I agreed, guarded.

“All right, Ashley. I don't see how anyone could call you a bigot. Bigots are intolerant jerks who either think themselves the closest thing to a god in this universe, or who think they know him and are blessed with a manifest destiny to pulverize any contradicting philosophy there is.

“Where, in any of that, would you fit in? I've never heard you push your religion on anyone else—and I know you're religious because you occasionally mention God when you talk. I've seen you integrate with the multi-racial side of the crew—our Prothean expert and krogan mercenary especially. Considering how they live on separate ends of the spectrum when it comes to bloodlust, it really surprises me that someone would call you narrow-minded.

“Anyway, who cares what 'she' or anyone else thinks. What do _you_ think?”

“I think I was in the wrong for years, and I was blind to it,” I spat back.

“Hey, we all have flaws like that. That's why we need other people.”

My mind triggered on his words. Something poet John Donne had said a very long time ago, long before I was even born. I mumbled it aloud. “No man is an island.”

“Exactly,” Kaidan jumped on it, leaning forward towards me. “What's important is where you are today, not where you've been. We all have things in our past we aren't proud of, and we all need help along the way.”

“Ok,” I accepted his answer. My cheeks burned faintly. “Thanks, I think I needed to hear that. I'm—sorry for getting us off on this tangent.”

“I'm glad you did,” Kaidan stated. “I know I'm a superior officer, but I also want to know what's going on with everyone under my command. You know how it is; you can't lead effectively otherwise.”

“Yes, I do.” A lifetime in the military, working under and over other soldiers had taught me that lesson. I turned back to my food. My appetite began to return to me. Kaidan ate some more as well, but he had a huge lead on me already.

Kaidan waited a while longer before restarting conversation between us. “On a more professional note, you're not the only one who's feeling depressed. Morale's slipping from the last mission.”

I nodded. “The batarian ship got away.”

Kaidan cleared his throat contemptuously. “We should have had them—if we'd been only a little bit faster getting to the mako and chasing them down. Unfortunately, stopping a terrorist attack isn't proving to be the boon the crew needs. What have you heard among the rank and file?”

I remembered some of the things I'd heard among the crew, especially Fireteam One. “It's a good thing we stopped X57, obviously. We cut it close though—another hour and its orbit would have been irrecoverable. The crew knows as victories go this one was rather slim. The fact that the instigators may have escaped just makes it all the more hollow of a victory. They think it might happen again. Hell, I worry it might.”

Kaidan shook his head. “We need to do something before our morale slips too low. This mission is too important to risk, and I think the pressure's wearing on everyone. We've been going from colony to colony—first Therum, then Feros, and now Terra Nova—and there's not one rousing success among the bunch. We're barely getting by.”

“We need to show the crew we can do better than just get by,” I stated.

“Let me know if you figure out how.”

I nodded again, and we lapsed into a comfortable silence. We both ate ourselves full, and Kaidan paid for the meal before we resumed heading for the _Normandy_. I could see her sitting serenely on a pad with her mako bay door open, marines guarding the entrance with standard issue assault rifles. We had to pass through a high chain-link fence topped with razor wire to access the pad. Kaidan and I offered our identification to the guards, who checked their databases and returned them to us. Soon we were inside the fence and descending some steps down to our ship's pad.

I approached the two marines, nodding to them. They snapped off a salute to us, and we returned it with speed and precision. We walked inside together before heading our separate ways. I placed my armor in my locker to charge its capacitor, and then walked back to the arms locker. Opening it, I pulled out my sniper rifle and looked at it.

The rifle unpacked to full combat mode, becoming longer and bulkier, but ready to kill. I checked that it had no ammo block inside it before hefting it up to my shoulder and looking through the optics at my empty workstation.

I pulled back on the bolt, and then shoved it forward again, testing myself. I repeated the motion. I began fully pantomiming the procedure, including pulling the trigger. I pretended to shoot miscellaneous items standing on my table. The shooting was repeated a dozen times before I stopped, lowered the weapon, and turned it to look at the side with the bolt.

This weapon was old. Really old. It'd been assigned to me when I arrived at Eden Prime; I'd trained with it for months. However good I got with it, though, it would always have a slow firing rate, because of that manual-action bolt.

So far, I'd been pretty much ignored that it was behind the times. Now that I thought about it, however, and how much I'd relied upon it on X57—it didn't seem so smart to be hanging onto a weapon like this. I should have one of the newer models—semi-automatic, increased heat issues, but still possessing a far superior firing rate than this weapon. They had faster muzzle velocities—which meant more damage and maximum range, as well as an extension to accurate range. I decided I'd speak with the Requisitions Officer about it.

I let the weapon pack itself back down to its carrying form. I placed it gently back on its clasps in the arms locker, and then I closed and locked it tight. Briefly, I caught sight of Shepard and Wrex out of the corner of my eye. Surprised to see them conversing freely, I decided to wander over and join their conversation.

Wrex seemed pleased to spot my arrival. He drew me into their conversation immediately. “So Williams, you never got around to explaining why you've never been on a ship before. I don't know a whole heck of a lot about the way the Systems Alliance runs things, but people as good as you are natural leaders for a marine team on a frigate.”

“Oh, well, I...,” I faltered. It'd been a while since I stopped to think about my grandfather; I couldn't remember when the last time had been any longer. Commander Shepard looked to me, and we stared at each other for a short time before Wrex caught on.

“You know, Shepard? Williams told you her story?”

“No, but I'm a little more familiar with—things. When her transfer papers came through from Eden Prime a while ago, I realized the same things you just pointed out. Her list of crap assignments doesn't make any sense for a soldier receiving such high feedback from others in her unit. Suffice it to say, I did some digging, and I think I figured out what's in-between the lines in her file. I won't say anything, though, unless you want me to,” Shepard addressed the final part to me.

I took a deep breath. So much as I wanted Shepard to do it for me, the truth was I should have told both of them this story a long time ago. It was hard, but I worked up the courage to press forward myself. “My grandfather was the only human in our history to surrender to an alien force. He was overwhelmed by a turian strike force that took control of Shanxi's orbit and threatened the lives of the civilians below if he didn't. While his decision saved lives, it doesn't change the fact that the Williams name is tarnished throughout the military because of it. That's why I get stuck on garrison duties.”

Wrex saw in me that I had more to say, but difficulty saying it. To keep me going, he prodded me, “Is that all you're going to say?”

I shook my head once. “Almost everyone called my grandfather General Williams. He was completely dedicated to military service, and it showed, even in his private life. Shanxi changed things for my family. My grandfather was unofficially forced into retiring from the military. He didn't talk much after that.” I paused, remembering the hard edges to my grandfather's face as he clamped his teeth together. I saw him do that a lot as a child, mostly when discussing things I was too young to understand or didn't bother to pay attention to while at the dinner table. I remembered that he was forced to work construction to make ends meet after that. I didn't realize it then, while I was young, but when I'd gotten older I began to realize how badly it must have hurt his pride to go from being a general to being a simple foreman.

“He died a dishonored warrior?” Wrex asked, his tone deadly serious.

“Not to me.” I glared at Wrex as if to communicate the true weight of my words. He seemed to understand.

“Good,” he pronounced, convinced. “The only tragedy worse than a warrior being stripped of his status is when his own family turns their back to him as well. That is the worst fate there is for a krogan—dying humiliated and completely dishonored.”

Wrex seemed to contemplate something, arguing with himself before finally reaching a decision. “After the Krogan Rebellions were quelled by the turians releasing the genophage to ravage our people, I was placed in charge of a small tribe—tribe Urdot. There were very few warlords from the Rebellions that survived. Jerrod, my father, was one of them. He advocated the krogan go to war with the Citadel races in retaliation.

“I thought different. The genophage changed things for the krogan, and we no longer had the luxury of extreme war and high mortality rates, not like we did during the Rachni Wars. I convinced my tribe and many tribes near us to focus our efforts on breeding—at least for one generation. Jerrod said I was dishonoring the krogan by turning us into settlers instead of soldiers. He arranged a crush—a meeting on hallowed ground, a cemetery for our dead ancestors. Crushes are intended to be peaceful meetings on neutral ground where no one would dare violate the land by bringing weapons or killing the opposing krogan. I knew there was a chance it was a trap, but I also knew I had to accept. There are some things you just can't reject out of hand; a crush with your father is one of those things.”

Wrex went quiet. I wasn't used to him pausing the middle of a story—I could tell this was probably his most difficult story to tell. Shepard cautiously asked, “What happened at the crush?”

“Well, we each brought a small squad with us to the crush. I watched carefully for any signs my instincts were right, but everything looked normal. Still, I never let down my guard; my father was a warlord, and he knew how to stage a surprise attack. He tried to convince me to see things his way, and would not listen to anything I had to say in response. When it became clear I wasn't going to cooperate, his soldiers leapt from the graves like krogan undead! My men were killed, and I escaped—but not before I sank my dagger _deep_ into my father's chest. _That_ is why I left my homeworld, and _that_ is why I'll never go back. After that, I was finished with the krogan. We'd stopped being the respected warriors we once were, and at some point we came to glory only in senseless violence.”

“I had no idea, Wrex.” I was at a loss for words. “That's when you became a mercenary?”

“Yes,” Wrex answered. “Williams, one warrior to another, in some ways I know the pain you must feel over what happened to your grandfather. I sympathize.” He paused, letting it sink in.

I nodded, not knowing what to think or say, but feeling deeply indebted to the krogan for his words. “Thanks Wrex. You—it means a lot, coming from you.”

Shepard chose another question. “You'll never go back? Surely you must have other family besides your father. Don't you miss them?”

 _That's a good question,_ I realized. _I never thought to ask! Does he have a brother or sister? With the genophage, I guess I just sort of assumed he was completely alone, but that might not be true..._

Wrex shifted his weight with what I interpreted as a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. “You trying to make me cry, Shepard?” He paused for effect before continuing. “I've got some—unfinished business—with my family, but that's all.”

My eyebrows jumped up with interest at this revelation. “What kind of business, Wrex?” I asked.

Wrex sighed heavily. “Before I left, I made an oath to my father's father. I swore to recover my family's battle armor. It was taken from him after the uprising.”

“Who has your family's armor now?” Shepard asked.

Wrex studied the both of us a moment before answering. “Originally it was taken by the turian military. We weren't allowed armor or weapons after the war. Now, it's the in hands of Tonn Actus.” The krogan spat the name venomously. “He's turian scum who collects relics from the war. He's made millions selling krogan artifacts that were stolen from my people. He's got several bases where he stores his goods—all fortified and well-guarded. I just don't know which base has my armor.”

“Where could we start looking?” I asked on impulse. I wanted to help him fulfill his oath—he was my friend, and I was not afraid to admit that to myself.

Shepard shook his head. “We don't have time to waste trying to find Tonn Actus and bring him to justice—we have larger fish to fry.”

I brooded. I really wanted to help Wrex, but Shepard had a point, and I had no counterargument.

“You don't need to worry about finding him,” Wrex corrected the Spectre. “I've already found him. He's at his base on Tuntau. It's a planet in the Phoenix system of Argos Rho.”

“See?” I questioned rhetorically. “Commander, Actus is a criminal. We have a chance to stop him and help Wrex at the same time. What else are we going to do? Wait here for Saren to leave the shadows and strike another colony? I can't do it. I need to feel like we're _doing_ _something_ to make this galaxy a better place.”

Shepard wasn't convinced. “Chief, I'm a bit surprised your so gung-ho about this.”

“Look, Sir, I know what's at stake with Saren. We all do. But we can't just sit on our asses here and wait for the geth to pop up on the grid again. If we can't track Saren, then we need to keep busy some other way. We need to keep ourselves sharp and battle-ready.”

“We just _had_ a battle, Chief, with an asteroid full of batarians.”

“It's not just that. Lieutenant Alenko and I were discussing falling crew morale—maybe this mission could be the boost we need. We need a victory, Sir. A real one! Something we can point at and be proud of. The crew has to feel like we're accomplishing something. We have to go on the offensive—constantly being limited to responding to our enemy is wearing us down. Why not this?”

Shepard considered it for a minute before replying. “I applaud your enthusiasm, Chief. It's a fair point—sitting and waiting for something to happen is wearing on us all. _If_ I went along with this—what's your plan?”

That seemed relatively straight forward to me. “We storm Tonn's base and take him into custody. He tells us where Wrex's armor is.”

Wrex added, “If you agree to go down there, Shepard, just promise me one thing: you'll let me be in the team that storms the base.”

I implored the Spectre to change his mind. “Sir?”

Shepard looked back and forth between us twice before speaking again. “You're my two best soldiers. I have every confidence you can do this mission. I'll agree to take you there, but both of you must realize our primary mission takes precedence, no matter how close we are to Actus when we get the call. If we get reports of more geth, we're pulling out immediately to check it out. Clear?”

“Clear,” Wrex agreed.

“As crystal,” I confirmed.

“I'll schedule us to depart within two hours.” Shepard grinned suddenly. “On a personal note, I have a lot of frustration with this last mission to blow off as well. That batarian ship getting away—well, let's just say I pity anyone who gets in our way.”

“It won't be the same, but it'll help,” I promised, sharing his mischievous grin.

“Then it's decided,” Shepard concluded. “I'll brief the crew. We're off to Tuntau.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

 

Wrex and I were at the arms locker together, each pulling our weapons and preparing them for battle. I cleared my throat to get the krogan's attention, but he was wholly consumed with his shotgun, checking it over.

I tried a more obvious approach. “Wrex?”

“What is it, Williams?” Wrex didn't even look at me.

“I need to talk to you before we reach Tuntau. Please.”

Wrex finally placed his shotgun down on my table and looked me in the eyes. “I have a feeling this is one of those emotional conversations that humans think is essential, while I would rather avoid it entirely.” His dry tone made me chuckle. Well, that, and my own nervousness.

“I'll keep it short for you,” I promised.

“Then I'm listening.”

I sighed. “I need to apologize to you. I took part in an investigation into your background. I invaded your private files and vidmails. I was checking to see if you were on the level. It started very shortly after you came aboard.”

“So? Find anything interesting?”

I shook my head. “No, but I think the key point here is that I didn't trust you—and I didn't tell you what I was doing. I'd understand if you're upset with my duplicity. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I should have told you earlier instead of keeping it a secret all this time.”

Wrex's arm shot towards me in a blur, and he grabbed me by the wrist, squeezing so tight that the blood couldn't flow into my hand. “Do you remember this?” he demanded.

 _Just like when I pulled a gun on him, the first time we met._ I nodded, frightened and in pain. I grunted and sighed all at once, trying to keep my voice down. Wrex impossibly tightened his grip and pulled me close. For a moment, I had a horrifying image of being eaten alive by the massive reptile. _Surely he can't_ do _that, right?_

Instead, he mumbled in his uniquely powerful voice, “So do I, Williams. You were never duplicitous with me. I knew exactly who you were and what you were capable of when I met you. I accepted that then, and I accept it now. Is that clear?”

“Yeah,” I wheezed because of the pain.

“Good.” Wrex released my wrist, and I pulled away from him, rubbing my hand and clamping my teeth together to distract my body with a different sensation. My breathing was heavy. Wrex shrugged, showing no signs of exertion himself. “At least you got past it. I've had people hire me as a mercenary, and never trust me, from the first meeting to the final payment. It got tiresome very quickly to have to jump through all their security hoops to appease them.”

“We're ok?” I asked timidly, unsure. “Really?”

Wrex looked me straight in the eyes when he answered. “Of course, Williams. You're a true warrior. Hell, you just gave a krogan battlemaster a reason to be angry with you while standing five feet away with nothing but a bunch of disassembled weapons nearby. That takes guts, Williams.”

I smiled, still rubbing my hand. “Seems I was a mite foolhardy.”

“Don't go soft on me, Williams,” Wrex warned. He returned to his shotgun, smirking.

I nodded. “Fine, tough guy. You win.”

“I always do,” the krogan shot back. “Now get back to work. I still need a wingman down on Tuntau.”

() () () () ()

The _Normandy_ reached Tuntau without interruption; all mission-priority traffic remained silent for the Spectre's ship. The crew seemed to discuss the mission nonstop. I kept my ear to the ground to judge the responses to our latest mission. I heard more than a few approving remarks that we were finally taking the fight to the bad guys. I heard another say it meant nothing if it didn't affect Saren. Fortunately, that crewman's opinion seemed to be in the minority.

Shepard informed us that my armor and his would be recording the mission. After it was completed (and assuming it was rightly successful), we would be releasing footage from the helmet cameras to the crew. He wanted everyone to feel like they played a part in the mission's success and hopefully inspire the crew to improve their morale and move with a renewed sense of purpose. I approved of the idea. Wrex stated he could care less, but I smirked at his words. One day I'd prove that mercenary gave a damn about us; he couldn't lie to us forever.

Wrex, Shepard, Corporal Dennon, and I were in the mako driving towards Tonn Actus' base of operations on the planet. The air was filled mostly with methane and helium, making it unable to support human life. It was located 20 AU from the sun, yet this atmosphere trapped heat so effectively that it was rather temperate. We approached the base from the southeast. A mountain obscured our view, but it had a wandering path through it to the other side. We were on that path, approaching the final turn that would bring us into view of the base.

We stopped short of rounding the bend. We all secured our suits with full-seal helmets, and I opened the hatch, closing it behind me. I ran up the hill slightly to get off the path, and then worked my way along the rocky surface until I was over the side and could see the base in the distance—a good two hundred meters distant. I pulled out my sniper rifle and began scanning the area with my scope—starting first with what open areas I could see near us, and then eventually settling on the base itself. I hadn't found any patrols yet, but there were guards outside the base keeping watch.

“I see six outside,” I informed the rest. “No signs of patrol activity. There might not be—it would save them oxygen if they only guarded the perimeter.”

Shepard agreed, “It's possible. Keep looking for another five minutes, then fall back to the mako, and we'll close in on the base.”

“Sir,” I acknowledged, keying off my microphone. The next five minutes passed slowly and quietly. I found no further contacts beyond the immediate perimeter of the base. I pulled back to the mako, climbing inside. A minute later the mako's life support systems cleared the air I'd brought in with me and restored a good oxygen level. That's when we all removed our full-seal helmets to save our suit oxygen for later.

The mako crept closer towards the base when a raid siren filled the air, coming from the base. The mercenaries defending this base came to full battle awareness and spied us closing in on them in the mako. They opened fire, but the mako's kinetic barriers kept it undamaged. The mercs quickly took cover as Wrex aimed the 155mm mass accelerator cannon straight ahead and fired it at them. With a powerful explosion, one of the barricades set up for cover was completely demolished. One soldier of fortune was thrown back by the blast, right off their feet. I grinned as we pulled up to the base, continuing to fire. Everyone sealed up their suits in preparation for opening the mako's door. Wrex used the anti-infantry machine gun to suppress the enemy while I departed from the mako, exiting on the far side away from the mercenaries. I ran away from the battle, picking a good spot for cover that was somewhat elevated to give me an advantageous firing position.

I dove into position, breathing heavily from my sprint, but ready to go. I flipped off my back onto my stomach and raised the sniper rifle, beginning to take stock of the evolving battlefield. From the near-constant fire coming from the mako, I imagined Wrex must be having a ball shooting anything that moved. I could tell the mercs were quite demoralized by the overwhelming presence of enemy armor because they mostly stayed bunkered down. Shepard drove the mako straight into a sniper tower, breaking it while draining considerable kinetic barrier shielding from the mako. The tower, and the sniper inside, fell to the ground in a heap of twisted limbs and metal. Shepard kept going, swerving erratically back and forth to keep the mercs from being able to target it effectively with anything bigger than their small arms.

I zoomed in and found one merc hiding near the doorway to the base with a grenade. He stood up and rocked back—he was about to throw. I aimed right at him—a stationary target at less than eighty meters. I pulled the trigger, feeling the weapon buck against me and hearing the shot ring out above the din of the battle taking place before me. The target slumped right where he was, and the grenade must have detonated, because a moment later the whole area was enveloped in an explosion. I could hardly see the surviving mercs hiding behind their solid barricades, and I doubted they could see—much less hear—anything either.

The survivors stopped shooting the mako and laid down their arms—I could see one ordering the rest to surrender. The smoke near the entrance continued to dispel, and I could finally see the door—or doorway, rather. The door was gone—blown apart by the merc's grenade. We had an entrance into the facility, no hacking required. I smiled. _Perfect!_

Shepard departed from the mako, while Wrex and I covered him. He collected weapons from four mercs—the only ones still alive. I watched him zip-tie their arms behind them and their legs together. They weren't going anywhere—especially not when this was their only source of additional oxygen on the surface of the planet. Corporal Dennon guarded the survivors with his assault rifle. Wrex, Shepard, and I proceeded through the blown-open doorway into the base.

The room we entered had two bodies—guards who'd been right on the other side of the door when it was blown apart. Shepard checked that they were dead before ordering us to advance on the interior.

I had switched to my assault rifle, not sure what the range to target was likely to be once the inside door was opened into the next room. We covered up on the wall and opened the door, throwing flash-bang grenades inside. The mercenaries cried out in pain, and we stormed inside, ordering their surrender.

“Weapons down!”

“Get down now!”

“Make my day, human!” Wrex challenged.

I noted the mercenaries were a mix of only two species; human and turian. More than likely, this particular crook had amassed his gang by recruiting loyal soldiers he commanded from the war, and it had expanded from there.

The dazed mercenaries all quickly complied with our orders, and we went around collecting their weapons and binding them the same as the four outside. Wrex found a supply closet that was locked. Shepard took a look at it, working quickly to hack it. I guarded the prisoners.

Wrex and Shepard took cover as Daniel engaged the override and opened the door. Immediately, a shotgun blast went right out the door—somebody had been waiting for this and decided to attempt a surprise attack. His advantage was blown now, however, and Shepard threw in a flash-bang grenade before Wrex ran inside.

Less than a minute later, a turian was hauled roughly out of the room, kicking and screaming. I wanted to observe the desperation setting into his face when he saw all his mercenary friends handcuffed and helpless, but I didn't dare take my eyes off of them. _They may be handcuffed, but they're far from helpless. Don't let your guard down or they might try to strangle you with their bonds._

Wrex gave Tonn Actus a hard hit to the stomach, and the turian crumpled at his feet, wheezing in pain. Shepard secured the storage room and reported that the base was secure. He opened up a channel to the ship next, “ _Normandy_ , this is Shepard. We've secured the base. Get over here pronto; we have a lot of prisoners. Tell the Alliance to send a cruiser with some room in their brig.”

“Aye, Sir.” Pressley's voice came over the comm. “The Alliance is sending a ship now, and we're two minutes out.”

“You have something of mine,” Wrex calmly informed Actus. “I'd like it back.”

“I won't give you anything, brute,” Tonn shot back.

“I'm not with the Alliance, pea-brain,” Wrex reminded him. “I don't have anything to hold me back from torturing it out of you.”

“What do you want!?” he seethed.

“You possess the Urdot clan family armor. You give it back, and you'll visit prison with _all_ your limbs intact. Otherwise, I get creative.” Wrex pulled a sharp, long blade from a sheath built into his armor. I hadn't noticed it before because it blended with the rest of the uniform quite well.

Tonn looked contemplative for a moment before realizing what it was Wrex was looking for. “You came after me, for _that?_ ” he asked, incredulous. “That's practically worthless!”

“You know nothing about value, _turian,_ ” Wrex shot back. “I'm getting impatient.” He brought the blade's flat edge to rest against the turian's mandible briefly.

“Fine, fine, fine!” Tonn agreed, shying away from the krogan's knife. “I have it! It's here—in the storage closet, inside the wall safe.”

Wrex lowered his knife and gently pressed the point of it against the man's kneecap. “I think you skipped the part where you tell me the code.”

I could tell Tonn was raging from his clipped tone as he gave out the code. I was feeling pretty good—I stole a glance at Wrex and his quarry. I smirked. My sense of justice was definitely appeased watching the criminal forced to back down by none other than my fearsome krogan ally.

I still kept a close eye on the tied-up prisoners I was responsible for. Wrex came back a few moments later. From my peripheral vision I knew he was carrying something big and bulky—perhaps he'd found his family's armor after all. The _Normandy_ had arrived, and the rest of Fireteam One was now entering the facility. I was no longer alone in guarding the prisoners inside the building. Corporal Dennon brought in his group of four to join the rest, and the room was closed to the outside air so everyone could breathe easy. I disengaged the full-seal helmet and started breathing the base's air.

After I was relieved of guard duty, Wrex showed the armor to me. It was pot marked with holes, thin and worn in places, and coming apart in a spot or two. I couldn't help thinking, _Actus wasn't kidding when he said it was worthless._

Wrex intoned, “I can't believe my ancestors ever wore this piece of crap, but at least I got it back.” I couldn't have imagined it—but he actually sounded grateful! There was a look in his eyes I'd never seen before, and I knew I was seeing more of him than he ever let anyone see. _Wrex really is just like all of us. He's truly touched._

Shepard spoke up before me. “I'm glad we could help you get it back.” He moved away to check on the prisoners, including Tonn Actus.

“I might just be starting to like you, Shepard,” Wrex told him as he walked away. Shepard paused and looked back. He nodded very seriously to the krogan, and then turned and continued on his way.

I smiled. “What a day. Now _this_ is a mission worth remembering.”

“I won't forget it, that's for sure.” Wrex gripped the armor tighter, causing its leather joints to make a crinkling sound. “Thanks, Williams. None of this would have happened if you hadn't been there to convince Shepard.”

“I'm glad I could help, Wrex,” I told him, meaning it to the very core of my being.

() () () () ()

The Alliance prisoner transport _Jericho_ picked up Tonn Actus and his hired goons, carrying them away. No doubt the Council would want to prosecute the mercs in their own court system for operating within the black market for Rebellion artifacts. Meanwhile, Wrex had his family armor placed in a secure crate I'd emptied for him. It would keep the armor undisturbed from further degradation until Wrex could decide if he wanted to restore it or leave it the way it was.

Shepard ordered Pressley to set up a meandering course for the Citadel that would pass through many of our colony systems. He was probably hoping that would put the _Normandy_ in a closer position to defend the next human colony to be attacked.

The video shown to the crew had all the essential parts, and someone had gotten creative adding a triumphant soundtrack to it. The crew all seemed to enjoy it, and Lieutenant Alenko told me that crew efficiency was back on the rise—not perfect, but at least it was a step in the right direction. Even I was feeling a little better, knowing that Wrex accepted me with my faults and remained a solid friend. _I don't have enough friends as steadfast and forgiving as he is_ , I decided.

Liara seemed to have withdrawn entirely at this point, however. I saw her almost every day, but always by herself—working out alone to stay in shape, grabbing food from the mess hall before returning to her office to eat it, and generally avoiding contact with anybody, including me.

Today I was sitting with Commander Shepard—one of those rare lunches with the boss. The conversation was sparse, and the majority of the time was spent eating quietly. Throughout it all, I found it hard to be excited about it. Normally, I'd love to talk shop like this with a decorated soldier like Shepard. Lately, I was finding all of it felt incredibly—empty. I struggled to concentrate on what my CO was saying. He was telling me about new models rolling out in the Spectre circles—the Council had informed him he had his choice of one Spectre-grade weapon for free.

“Since I have to go to the Citadel to get it anyway, I was considering buying more upgrades for some of our older weapons—like _your_ sniper rifle.”

My eyes shot up to meet his, surprised. He had my full attention now. “Really? You—noticed?”

Daniel grinned ruefully. “Hard not to. That weapon has got to be as old as the Alliance.”

“Oh, I imagine so,” I answered seriously to a statement I knew had been a simple hyperbole—he meant it as a joke. _I should be excited. I should be raising my hands in victory or drumming my hands on the table. I should be bantering with him about it. Instead, I'm just sitting here. Why, Ash, why? Why can't you stop her from ruining this moment too? Why can't you put her out of your mind, just for now?_

Shepard compensated and acted much less excited to match my level of engagement. “Good, then it's decided. Seeing as the sniper rifle's the most expensive of the line, I'll use the freebie on that purchase. The rest, I figure should be a couple Spectre-grade assault rifles. One for me, and one or two for anyone else on the mission with me.”

“Sounds like a plan,” I agreed. “Did you tell Alenko about this yet?”

“No, not yet.”

“Ok.”

“You feeling all right, Chief? I thought you'd be a little more excited.”

I finished another bite of my meal. _It is even more bland than yesterday,_ I noted. “Sorry, Sir. I'm fine, just—tired.”

“All right. Get rested up; I need the whole crew to be at their peak.”

“Don't worry about me, Sir,” I told him.

“Oh, and I'll be sure to fill Alenko in next,” Shepard assured me, slightly awkwardly.

I tried to fix the conversation by injecting a false sense of humor into my next statement. “I wonder if he'd even know what to do with one. He seems to prefer to use a pistol.”

Shepard didn't find it funny. “Good point. Perhaps I can afford one of those, too. That could work out nice—I'll have to talk with our Requisition Officer, see what he's got on hand.”

I nodded. “I'm excited, Sir.” _No I'm not. I should be. I want to be, but I'm not. I don't care about a stupid gun. It won't fix any of my real problems on this ship._

Shepard rolled with the white lie, probably wanting to avoid discussing the reasons for my less than enthusiastic attitude. “Me too. I've read up on all of them—these weapons are the bleeding edge when it comes to destructive power.” He also tried valiantly to punch up the dead spirit surrounding us. “I expect the bad guys will start running the minute they see what we're packing. They won't know the specifics about our weapons, but anyone who sees Spectre-grade weaponry definitely understands it's not something they want to go up against.”

“Good,” I pronounced, feigning a grin.

“I think I'll send the order in tonight so the weapons will be ready before we arrive.”

That was where our conversation not just stagnated, but outright died. Fortunately for both of us, not long after Shepard's statement, his radio squawked. He activated it. “Shepard here.”

“Commander.” It was Pressley from the CIC.

“What is it, Mr. Pressley?”

“We're receiving a priority video call—it's the Council. They want to talk to you.”

“Tell them I'll be right there,” Shepard ordered, closing the radio channel. “Duty calls.”

“Aye, Sir.” I stood up as he did.

“As you were, Chief.” Shepard turned and left the mess hall. I retook my seat.

I spied Liara in the food line, working on filling her tray. My eyes roamed her from head to toe before I blinked away my distraction. She looked good; healthy. She was obviously a person more than capable of caring for her body, even with all the drama surrounding her, trying to distract her. I was relieved. Although it was impossible to imagine, I was nevertheless certain I would have felt even guiltier than I already did if I'd caused her to fall apart physically or get sick. _Liara... Liara what is it about you that makes it so I can't stop thinking about you? Why do I hate myself so much? It's like I reflect you—your opinion about me is my opinion about myself._ _Maybe I do know the answer, and I just don't want to admit it to myself. Well, fine. No running away from it. The reason I hate myself so much..._

I thought about it for only a short time before the answer occurred to me. _It's because I can't believe what I did to my own friend. She's so important to me; she's the most important person on this ship! I haven't made a best friend like her in years. Maybe ever. Who else do I have to confide in? Who else shares my beliefs about the existence of God? Dammit, Ashley! You let her down!_

_I should have just told her a long time ago, before it got this bad. I never should have tried to cover it up. We got to the point that we could trust each other with anything, and I still said nothing about my investigation with Pressley. That's what hurt her the most; I know it. I said nothing._

_I know what I did was wrong. I've admitted that, haven't I? Maybe not in so many words. Maybe that's the problem._ _How much longer can we keep this up? How much longer can_ I _keep this up? If Liara won't forgive me, I don't even want to be here anymore._

_What? Did I—just say I wanted to leave?_

_Ash?_

_Well, what does any of it matter if she won't speak to me! You can talk about sniper rifles, armor, and fighting the bad guys with Shepard and the others all you want, but it won't be enough to stop you from thinking about this! About_ her! _All the time! I think you've proven this pretty well by now._

 _Maybe my dream was right. Maybe I should leave. Transfer off the ship. Back to a colony world. You know they'll love to approve that request—probably the fastest personnel approval in Alliance history. Out of the way—far away from anything and everything that matters. Being a soldier on this ship isn't making me happy, it's making me depressed._ Really _depressed. Seeing her every day is like torture. My own hell. Maybe Athame really is turning me away._

_… No. I'm going to keep fighting this, because I am worth it. I know I am. Maybe I need to tell her that. Maybe I'm not perfect, but my God doesn't ask me to be perfect on my own strength and power. She at least needs to know that I'm different now._

Liara exited the food line and took her tray towards the exit. She never ate in the mess anymore. I decided to follow Liara out of the mess and confront her again. Things between us were far from set into stone, in my opinion, and I wasn't about to give up now. _Sometimes my stubbornness can be a good thing. I hope it is today._

I followed her svelte form to the med bay, and beyond that, to her lab. It was only the two of us now. She spied me from the corner of her peripheral vision, took a double take, and then turned her chair purposely away from me. I saw her full back, meant as an offense, but instead all I could think about was how soft she looked even at this angle. She was fragile, smooth, and breakable, but she was also precious and—rare.

“Liara,” I started, then stopped. “Liara, we have to talk.”

“I don't have anything to say to you,” Liara calmly informed me. “Except that when this mission is over, I'm leaving this ship and never want to see any of you again.”

“Please,” I begged. “Hear me out. You don't have to say anything.”

Liara spun her chair around to face me. Her face was emotionless but hard, much harder than I imagined she could ever look. It was a surprising look on her. “Go ahead.”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Ok, let me start by saying, I'm sorry—again. It wasn't personal, it was my own prejudices affecting me. And later, I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid that you—well that you'd hate me, just like you do now.

“I want you to know I'm thankful, too. I'm thankful for all the time I got to spend with you, learning from you, sharing with you. When we talked about things like food and discussed religion, or anything along those lines, big or small, I loved every minute of it. You've opened my eyes and shown me how to see from another species' point of view. You're the reason I'm not the same judgmental person I once was. I'm thankful for the change you've sparked in my life.

“You mean so much more to me than just another alien. Way more than I could ever put into words. I think of you as my _best friend,_ and it hurts me to think that I've hurt you this way—that we aren't ok.” I stopped. Things hadn't exactly been fully scripted in my head going into this, but I was a little surprised how easily the words had come. They were the truth. She complemented my personality, and our sum seemed so much greater than the parts. Certainly much more than my small and modest part. Neither of us were much for words, except with each other. It was as confounding an enigma as it was a welcome one.

I used to only concern myself with my squad—my job. As I'd told Liara before, I swore off boyfriends—but I didn't really stop there. My decision snowballed on me, and I walled myself away from anyone. I had no close friends for a long time. I was a capable squad commander, and I cared for the soldiers under my command, but I wasn't their friend; I was their commander.

Liara had taught me the error of my ways. She'd let me glimpse what it was like to depend on someone on a personal level again. All great relationships—the ones that lasted through everything and that you would never forget—taught you something. It felt to me like my relationship with Liara had taught me everything. She'd found her way in past my cool exterior, and she'd become just about the most important person in my life right now.

I remembered how we bonded when we'd talked about religion. Before I screwed it up, being around Liara was the most natural thing I could do on this ship. We fit together in a way I'd never thought possible with _anyone,_ be the person human or otherwise.

 _I have to have her in my life, I just have to!_ I'd never quite realized how much she'd come to mean to me as I had now, and I felt unnerved and off-balance. _How did this happen?_ I wondered. _What is she going to say? What are you going to do? How is this going to work out?_

I reached up with my left hand and rubbed the back of my neck briefly before returning it uselessly to my side. “I guess that's all,” I finished; eyes briefly widening with terror. Suddenly I didn't want to know her answer. To hear her tell me I'd had my chance and wasted it. It was so stifling in this room that I worried I was going to pass out; losing all ability to remain standing here any longer, I turned and left so the doors separated us once again.

I stopped halfway through the med bay, finally able to breathe again, and turned back to see the door Liara was hiding behind. _Or am I the one who's hiding out here? Hmm?_ I willed her to come out and stop me before I ran further, talk to me. _You don't have to completely forgive me, just talk with me, please! I just need a little help, a small sign! I promise I'll never hurt you again,_ I begged. I had no idea how long I stood there and stared, but it felt like a very long time before Doctor Chakwas came up alongside me.

“Problem, Chief?”

I turned to her, angry and thankful for her intervention. “No, Ma'am. I'll be on my way.” I turned away briskly and retreated from the med bay. As soon as I was outside, my radio squawked. “Gunnery Chief Williams,” I supplied, my voice listless.

Commander Shepard's voice addressed me. “Chief, get up to the comm room. We have a situation.”

I headed immediately up the steps and into the comm room, taking a seat next to where I knew Wrex would sit. Soon we were all seated, even Liara. Shepard studied each of our faces before proceeding. “The Council—particularly the salarian councilor—has been actively sending teams out to look for Saren since his Spectre status was revoked. One of the salarian infiltration teams sent a priority-one alert to the Citadel, but it was too badly garbled to recover any information from it. All we know is it was sent from a team operating with standing orders to exercise radio silence, and sent on a mission-priority channel. There's a possibility they may have found something.”

I sat forward in my chair. “Saren's base of operations?” I asked, daring to hope.

“It's too early to say,” Shepard warned. “There are other reasons they might send a priority-one message—their ship might be disabled. We're going to check it out and find out what's going on.”

Garrus nodded. “At this point, any news that doesn't include another human colony under attack is probably good news. We should be thankful we have a lead to follow up that doesn't come at the cost of civilian lives.”

Shepard agreed with the turian. “Very true. Now, we're two hours from the Citadel, and we have to spend another hour discharging the drive core from all the time we've spent at FTL lately. Because of this necessary stop, I'm going to use the opportunity to bring aboard a few Spectre-grade weapons I've been able to afford. Williams will add them to the ship's weapons locker. With the exception of my assault rifle and Williams' sniper rifle, there are no names attached to them. They'll be handed out according to the mission profile and personnel dedicated to it.

“Since we are only spending an hour at the Citadel, I'm not allowing anyone to leave the ship unless its directly related to our objectives. No shore leaves, no distractions—I want this ship back on its way the moment the core charge buildup has been removed. Is that clear to all of you?”

There were no objections or questions raised. Shepard dismissed us to prepare.

() () () () ()

The soft light at my workstation made sure I didn't melt away and disappear into the shadows. Earlier, I had pulled a stool over and plunked myself down on it. The new weapons were all stowed away, and we were already on our way to Virmire—the planet the salarian team was on. My omni-tool was active and linked to the VI and the _Normandy's_ database so I could pull up relevant information on the planet.

It had a pristine tropical environment in many areas, but so far no one had colonized it. It was too far removed from Citadel space, and that brought risks—as any human colonist in the Attican Traverse or Skyllian Verge could attest. For the time being, Virmire remained a virgin land, untouched, unpolluted, a paradise.

It was my shift for sleep; I was used to the med bay by now, and it didn't cause me any further issues. That was not why I was still awake, however. I couldn't sleep. I tried, but it was fitful, short, and the opposite of restful. My thoughts raced in circles around Liara. I tried to figure out what I was missing that would fix this situation and restore us to the way we'd been. On nights like this, waking up made me feel more drained than I had been before going to bed.

The lights of the mako bay began increasing their illumination level. It was signaling the start of alpha shift—the 'day' shift. I shut down my omni-tool, frustrated. Today, we'd reach Virmire and the landing party would attempt to make contact with the salarian infiltration team. I'd researched the salarian team's standard operating procedures in order to determine the best way to make a bloodless first contact with them. It seemed it would be relatively simple enough. The salarians would not fire first unless it was a warzone, which Virmire obviously wasn't, being so far from anything at all. They would recon us before reporting to Captain Kirrahe, who would make the call about contacting us. Then it was a simple matter of letting them guide us to their base camp.

All we had to do was make ourselves available and be sure to catch their attention. _In theory, anyway,_ my pessimism pointed out. _Hey, why are you being so negative about the mission? You sure it's really got anything to do with Virmire? Maybe you're still letting Liara get to you._

_Well, that's old news, because I feel like I've been cleaved in half for a lot longer than that. I don't even know how I manage to push myself to do my job anymore. Why does it seem so empty? C'mon soldier, kick your ass into gear. Keep doing what you're doing. It'll get better, I think. You have to move on and get over her, or something..._

I didn't really know what to do. I pushed myself up to my feet tiredly. I left the stool where it was and proceeded to get ready for my shift—shower, change of clothes, and breakfast. I then returned to my workstation and noticed a vidmail from my sister.

I smiled broadly. This was the best news I'd gotten in a long time. I wondered what she might have for me. For the moment, my issues melted away. I checked all around me to make sure I was alone. I was, so I eagerly played the message. It was from Sarah, my youngest sister. She was still in high school.

I was greeted by a goofy grin and eyes that danced with mirth. “Hey there rocket trooper.”

I laughed. “Hey,” I replied to the screen, although I knew she couldn't hear me.

“I was so surprised to hear you transferred to a ship! My _gawd_ , Ashley! Do you know how happy we all are for you? You're really doing it!” Sarah's voice was filled to the brim with excitement as she rocked in her chair, looking like she was about to jump out of it. “All I want to do right now is grab you and give you the biggest, tightest bear hug in the world. Good for you, you know that? I'm so impressed, I'm beside myself.

“Just promise me you won't let all this space marine stuff go to your head! You're still a person, and we want to see you stay in one piece. You know we still expect to see you in another three weeks during your leave. Abby, Lynn, and me—we're all going to be at the house together waiting for you. I miss you _so much_ Ashley! You know that?” A pang in my gut reminded me that I too missed all of them, even while I was swept up on a galactic adventure with the first human Spectre. It'd been far too long since I'd had a chance to visit them on leave.

“I guess you probably want to know, so know that Abby's fine. She's being great about taking care of Lynn and me. I can't wait for high school to end—senioritis, you know!!” Sarah laughed. I smirked. She kept going, “I met a great guy named Todd this semester. I know what you're thinking, but don't worry sis. You know I can look after myself. Dad made sure of that, and I always have Abby and Lynn.” Upon mentioning our father, she straightened her shoulders and crossed her arms like Dad would, winking at me. I knew instantly what she meant. Dad had taught everyone in the house how to defend themselves, and any Williams sister was a match for a boyfriend that got a little too grabby. I knew she'd be all right, but I still worried, feeling like I was missing out on seeing her mature into a woman.

I was brought out of my reverie by Sarah relaxing her posture and continuing. “I'll be fine. And Todd's so fine too! I'll send you a picture next time. I have the perfect one; I just have to get Todd to hand it over.”

Sarah leaned forward, resting her right elbow on the desk and settling her chin in her hand. It brought her much closer to the camera. Then she addressed me more secretively than before. “So what about your love life, huh? I haven't heard you talk about anything but work in like forever!” She rolled her eyes at me. “Ugh, you know I love you sis, but who wants to hear about military this and military that all the time? Give me something else! Anything else!” Sarah pulled back and sat up straight, and then giggled, talking louder. “Or are you getting shy on me!? Hmm? I'll find out. You know I will, if you don't tell me, so get to it! It's better hearing it from you directly.”

 _I don't have anybody like that right now, sis. I only have Liara and Wrex. Well, I_ had _Liara._ I wondered how my sisters would react to hearing about how close I had gotten to Liara. It was definitely going to surprise them. They knew all too well how I used to feel about aliens. In their own varying degrees, I knew they felt the same way.

I heard a muffled voice that sounded very far away from the microphone that was recording Sarah's voice. It was Abby calling out from elsewhere in the house, “Sarah, dinner!” I could barely make out the words.

Sarah gave a big theatrical sigh. “I've gotta go, sis. You stay safe out there while you keep us all safe, hmm? I'll see you in three weeks.”

Sarah got up from her chair to leave, but then remembered something and plunked herself back down. “Oh, before I go. You said you're serving with Commander Shepard now? We saw him on the news here. He's _c-u-u-ute_. Later sis!” Sarah gave me a meaningful look before she turned off the recording.

There was a thundering crash behind me as a tray of tools was knocked off the top of a elbow-high stack of storage containers behind me. I spun around in surprise, noticing three things almost immediately. One, Liara stood before me. Two, there were tools _everywhere_ surrounding us. Three, she had a guilty, worried look marring her beautiful face.

“I—uh—I'm sorry,” she began. “I turned without paying proper attention and bumped into the tools... I couldn't catch it, because it was too fast...”

“It's all right,” I assured her, unable to prevent myself from smiling. “What brings you here, Liara?”

Liara ducked down to her hands and knees, beginning to collect the tools. I reluctantly joined her, wishing we could hold each other's steady gaze. I wanted to hold her in my arms and never let go. Although these things seemed impossible right now, I still wasn't about to let her ignore my question, as it seemed important. “You don't come around here often,” I pointed out.

This wasn't precisely true. Liara hadn't come around often _lately,_ but she'd spent many an hour here with me before everything blew up like so many tools cluttering the floor around us. Still, that particular reality stung me far too deeply for me to point it out aloud.

She murmured, “I've been busy,” which was also a lie. _This conversation is going so well I'd almost rather face a geth colossus. Really, it's just trading one kind of pain for another._

“I'm glad you're here,” I told her honestly. “I've—missed you.”

“I'm always around,” she mentioned, but we both knew physical proximity wasn't what was keeping us apart. “I'm sorry, I overheard your sister talking when I approached.”

“It's ok.”

“Didn't you say that Shepard wasn't really—what was it—your 'type'?”

I coughed and fetched another tool from its resting place. “Yeah, I did say that.”

“Have you reconsidered then?”

My eyes bulged. “Uh, no. Shepard is a great guy, but—.” _It doesn't really have anything to do with the rules for fraternization. He scares me as a person. It's hard to trust people like him on a personal level. Perhaps if I was more like him, I could understand him, and that would open the way for anything beyond the professional. I'm not like him, though, and I don't want to be._

“Oh.” Liara avoided my eyes, continuing to concentrate primarily on the floor between us. She gathered up the final tools, and together we dumped the whole collection back in its tray. She stood up abruptly, putting the tray back where it had been before. I stood just as quickly, hoping now I would finally have a shot at catching her eyes, but to no avail.

Liara blushed. “Well, I've made a spectacle of myself enough for one day. I have to get ready for Virmire. I may not be part of the landing team, but I should still be ready just in case.”

“Hold on,” I pleaded.

Liara didn't turn to face me, but she did ask, “Yes?”

“Why did you come here?”

“It's nothing. Earlier you left in such a hurry, I didn't have a chance to tell you. I decided I had to let you know that I'm not mad at you anymore. Really. I can't be mad at you, or anyone, for very long. It just doesn't work like that for me, you know?” She laughed nervously, but it died off quickly. “Anyway. Thanks for your help with the tools. Good luck on Virmire.”

“Liara?”

“What?”

My mind blanked. I fumbled, “I'm really glad you came.”

“You said that earlier.” Liara turned to leave.

“Oh,” I answered, grimacing. _Great work, Williams! Great work!_ I berated myself sarcastically.

Liara finally seemed to decide something and faced me appropriately since this whole awkward conversation had begun. “Also, I forgive you. It's hard to be around you, but—I can forgive you.”

My breath caught, and I was too stunned for words. Liara waited a few moments, but when I said nothing, she mentioned needing to get ready again and turned, leaving me standing here, breathless, scarcely able to put two thoughts together. _Thank God, I don't deserve it, but she forgives me! It feels so good—is this really real?_

My radio interrupted the moment and brought reality crashing down around me. It definitely had been real, and now, it was over. I'd have to berate myself for getting tongue-tied later, however. “Chief, Shepard here. I wanted to give you an update—we're ten minutes out.”

I shook free of whatever had frozen me in place and acknowledged his signal. “I'll be ready, Commander.” I placed the Spectre-grade sniper rifle on my desk and went to my locker to grab my new armor and give myself the hardened shell I'd need to survive. As soon as that was done, I went back to grab the rifle, collapsed it, and clipped it on my back where my old sniper rifle used to go.

We had three Spectre assault rifles and one Spectre pistol. Commander Shepard decided speed and stealth might be essential so we could make contact with the salarian team quickly without drawing attention from any potential hostiles. To that end, he kept the ground team limited to three people—myself, Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, and himself. The three of us climbed into the mako and strapped ourselves to our chairs.

Over the mako radio, I heard Pressley report on what short-range LADAR had detected. “Stealth systems are active, Commander. We've found a structure of some kind built on the surface. It looks like a rather sizable base. It's got a lot of anti-aircraft batteries and radar.”

“The _Normandy_ might be able to hide, but the mako can't,” Shepard reminded him. “Tell Joker to get us in _underneath_ their radar.”

“No problem, Commander,” Joker's cocky voice assured us. “I'm already coming in on an approach vector. Hope you're not afraid to get a little wet, though.”

Shepard looked to Alenko and I, grinning. “We can handle it.” The mako bay door was opened, and I could see trees whipping past, dotting the hillside. We were flying extremely low, following above a river, it looked like to me, with an ocean not too far to our right.

“Launching in three... Two... One... Mark!” Joker counted down. A crewman pulled the release, and the mako shot forward under the acceleration of her catapult. Shepard gripped the wheel as we left the _Normandy_ behind and splashed into the river, skipping across the water like an oversized skipping stone, before slowing down, allowing the wheels to grip the riverbed.

The water wasn't nearly as deep as I'd thought looking at it from above. Shepard pushed the pedal down, and the mako began to move through the water. While the waterway was wide, it had remarkably little current and little depth. The mako had no issue driving in this condition. I suspected the small mass effect core was probably increasing our mass somewhat to encourage better traction and less response to buoyancy.

“We're clear, Mr. Pressley. Great drop, Joker. We're on our way to the salarian team's signal. Keep the _Normandy_ safe and far away from those AA guns until you hear otherwise. Shepard out.”

Alenko was manning the cannon for the time being, so I sat back in my chair, bored. This looked like a sunny paradise, not a secret base for an evil turian. I half expected to find the salarians in shorts and tanning along the miles and miles of white beach. We proceeded for ten uninterrupted minutes before I was thrown against my restraints by some kind of impact. Kaidan called out, “Geth colossus!”

“Return fire!” Shepard ordered.

Kaidan swiveled the turret around towards the target that had blindsided us with a shot from its plasma cannon. I reported, “Shields down ten percent.” Briefly I glanced back, beyond Alenko, to the weapons case that all our weapons were being stored inside. I wanted to have a weapon in my hands, but all I had was my sidearm. I just had to be patient and trust my CO to get us out of this one alive.

I felt the mako lurch as its powerful 155mm mass accelerator cannon shot at the enemy tank. The colossus' shields absorbed the impact, and the four-footed synthetic continued to aim right for us, unfazed. The mako took another hit to its shields.

“Seventy-nine percent,” I updated the other two.

Kaidan fired another shell at it. “Commander, can you evade the plasma? It's too powerful, and we need to keep our shields up.”

“I'm trying, but our maneuvering is really sluggish in this water,” Shepard informed us. We took another hit to the shields.

I decided to take the initiative. “Sixty-nine percent. We can't keep doing this. Open up some distance between us.”

“Why?” Shepard demanded.

“I have a plan. Just do it! We don't have time to argue!” I retorted. Shepard growled, but complied with my demands. After another round of plasma hit us, I disengaged my restraints and pushed myself past Alenko's chair to the weapons locker. I pulled out my sniper rifle and slammed a high explosive ammo block inside it.

“All right, when that thing fires its next shot, I'm getting out, so get me near some kind of cover. I'll try to distract it, or at least get us a little more damage to target. If you can get its barriers down quickly, I might get some good hits at that thing's head. Either way, at least it'll help our odds of surviving.”

Shepard spun the wheel suddenly, heading for a group of trees. I squatted next to Alenko, gripping the arm of his chair to keep myself from falling over. As soon as Shepard cried, “Now!” I opened the hatch and dove out into the water. It closed behind me, and the mako accelerated away, spraying me further. I was completely soaked.

I got up without delay and hid behind the trees, wiping the excess water from my face. I heard another plasma shot hit the mako. The thundering booms of this back-and-forth tank exchange were frightening to say the least. I leaned out from cover, taking myself down to one knee. I ground the rifle butt tightly against my shoulder and aimed. I pulled the trigger and saw the kinetic barriers of the geth light up, although the bullet was too small and fast to see.

Steadying the recoil, I let up on the trigger, and then pulled it again. Another direct hit, but it accomplished little against the massive barriers of the tank. I needed Alenko to come through for all of us and get the tank's shields down. Then I'd be more helpful.

I fired a third time and the weapon overheated. I waited for the cooldown to elapse and the warning beep to go away. I fired another three shots. Meanwhile, the mako continued to attempt to evade the colossus, but with little success. Their shields had to be low. I saw another plasma hit the mako, and its shields must have collapsed then, because I saw it hit the armored hull instead, blackening and stressing it.

The colossus' shields were not far behind. Kaidan shot it again, and its kinetic barriers dissipated. I took aim at its plasma cannon head, waiting for it to stop moving erratically as it aimed at its own moving target. When the colossus didn't cooperate, I fired off three shots, hoping for a lucky one. Looking through the scope a moment later, I saw a small black hole on the side of its head—a direct hit. If I could do that a few more times, it would likely hit something important and disable the geth.

My weapon cooled, and I shot it twice in the neck and once in the head. The colossus turned away from the mako as Shepard drove it around some terrain to hide, possibly to recharge a little kinetic barrier energy.

The colossus and I were the only ones left now, and it knew right where I was. I saw the plasma unleashed at me and dove backwards, hoping against hope that the tree could protect me. The plasma went wide left, striking a different tree, which completely destroyed its almost-full-meter-wide trunk. It collapsed with a loud crash, falling out and away from the other trees covering me. I scrambled back to my feet and brought the rifle up again, firing three rounds in quick succession—too quick to absorb the recoil of the weapon fully. Two shots went wide, and one caught the colossus at the base of its neck where it connected to the rest of its body.

“Shit!” I swore, pulling back out of sight. I ran deeper into the small group of trees and took cover behind another one.

The plasma hit my former cover and demolished it. If I'd still been there, I'd probably be dead. It was my turn, though, so I uncovered and aimed. I felt the urge to panic as I heard mass accelerator rounds impacting the earth and trees around me—the colossus was firing its anti-infantry machine gun. I felt a vicious kick to my left arm which threw off my aim. My suit warned me kinetic barrier integrity was in danger from just a single bullet striking me. Distance was my only ally right now—our separation and the colossus' less accurate fire was keeping me alive. Another lucky shot, however, and my situation could change drastically. The anti-infantry weapon could blow my whole arm off if it hit me with a low barrier.

I straightened my aim, ignoring the suit's protest. I fired three more bullets right into the center of mass of the tank. The colossus continued to slowly advance towards me as it continued to fire. I took cover, waiting for my rifle. The enemy's next plasma hit the tree a good seven meters above me and shattered it. Debris rained down towards me, and I ducked, running for a different tree to avoid being struck by the large, dangerously heavy falling pieces of the one I had been using. I saw the top of the tree land not too far from where I had been moments ago—I probably would have been safe staying there, but only out of sheer luck.

I dropped to one knee and presented as small a profile as I could to the advancing tank, hiding most of my body behind a tree. I also used the tree to help me steady my shot. I fired three times, aiming for its head. It looked to me like all three shots struck home. The colossus' head jerked back, and I saw some kind of electrical arc jump between its head and water below. The whole thing collapsed to the ground, splashing water and creating circular waves that headed out in all directions. I gave a triumphant war whoop, and then hollered “You're mine, bitch!” at the defeated foe, extremely giddy from the natural high of victory.

The arcs continued to flow into the river for a few moments longer before a sudden explosion consumed the carcass. The plasma weapon had been hit while charging, and it had built up to an overload. I took cover behind the tree as small metal fragments flew past, embedding themselves in the trees behind me, in the dirt alongside me, and even cutting into the surface of the water that flowed not too far from me.

“Chief, are you ok? What just happened?” Shepard demanded over the radio.

I had completely forgotten to report the kill. I opened my channel. “Sir, target is down—repeat, target is down.”

“Good. Double-time it over here, Gunnery Chief. The mako's out of commission. I got Alenko working on the repairs, and I'm going to assist him. I need you to be our perimeter guard and keep your eye out for more geth.”

“Aye, Commander.” I closed my microphone, but left the channel open so I could hear the other two. Vaguely remembering in what direction the mako had been when it disappeared from my view, I set off to meet back up with them. It was going to take a solid five to ten minutes on foot just to reach the bend.

When I arrived, Shepard started assisting Alenko, and I scouted out a tiny perimeter—I couldn't guard much territory as just one person. I figured the most likely interception would be from geth scout drones—fair against infantry, and faster than any other geth at covering ground. The colossus had plenty of time to report contact with us back to the rest—that would make the rest of this mission much more complicated and dangerous. I wondered about what may have happened to the salarians if they'd been found by the geth.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

 

The mako was damaged just enough to incapacitate it—Kaidan's technological skills and training really came through for us, however, and we were underway within ten minutes. We reached the anti-aircraft turret between us and the salarians shortly after getting back underway. I was dropped off at long range for sniping again, and Shepard drove up to the door, provoking the geth to come pouring out after them. Between the mako's machine gun and my sniper rifle, we finished them off easily.

We proceeded into the small facility and disabled the turret's power supply. I opened the gate that was holding us from advancing further, and we climbed back into the mako to make for the salarian camp. Shepard hailed the _Normandy_ and ordered Joker to set down next to the camp with reinforcements.

When we arrived, Captain Kirrahe immediately asked to see the commanding officer of the _Normandy_. Shepard, Kaidan, and I walked up to the captain together. Shepard addressed the salarian. “I'm Commander Shepard of the _SSV Normandy_. We've encountered several geth squads on our way here—that the reason you sent a mission priority message?”

“I'm Captain Kirrahe, third infiltration regiment, STG. It's far worse than that, Commander Shepard. You've landed right in the middle of a hot zone. Every AA gun within ten miles has been alerted to your presence.”

“Great. So what are we supposed to do now?” Shepard groaned.

“We stay put and wait until the Council sends us the reinforcements we requested.”

Kaidan uncrossed his arms in surprise. “We _are_ the reinforcements.”

“What?” Kirrahe blinked, astonished. “You're all they sent? We told the Council to send a fleet!”

Shepard shrugged. “We couldn't understand your transmission. The Council sent us to investigate.”

Kirrahe made an odd chortling noise somewhere in his throat that put me ill at ease. Probably the salarian equivalent of an annoyed growl; I could tell he was losing his patience. “ _That_ is a repetition of our task. I lost half my men _investigating_ this place.”

“So what have you found?” Kaidan steered the conversation in a new direction.

“Saren's base of operations. He set up a research facility here.”

As the conversation continued, the _Normandy_ 's mako door opened up and the rest of Shepard's team disembarked. I caught a glimpse of Fireteam One setting up guard duty at the door while the others dispersed across the salarian camp, checking it out.

“Researching? Researching what?” Shepard asked.

“He's using the facility to breed an army of krogan.”

Wrex walked up, armored and armed. He looked slightly dangerous to me—he usually did, but this was a little something extra. I could tell he was itching for a fight. “How is that possible?” he asked simply, as if he thought the salarian was simply mistaken.

Kirrahe hesitated, but then pressed forward and answered the krogan's question. “Apparently, Saren has discovered a cure for the genophage.”

Kaidan looked slightly confused. “What's that?”

“It was the solution to the krogan problem,” Wrex growled.

Kirrahe added, “We created the genophage to quell krogan numbers after the Uprising. Without it, the krogan will quickly overrun the galaxy. And these krogan follow Saren.”

I remembered the krogan I'd seen on Therum. At the time, I'd been surprised, but later had begun to reason that he must have been employed by Saren as a merc; a common enough job for a bloodthirsty krogan. This, however, turned my reasoning on its head. Perhaps the krogan I'd met wasn't freelance—perhaps he was _bred_ for the task.

Shepard didn't like this development at all. “The geth are bad enough—but a krogan army—he'd be almost unstoppable.”

“Exactly my thoughts,” Kirrahe agreed. “We must ensure that this facility and its secrets are destroyed.”

“Destroyed?” Wrex cut in. “I don't think so! Our people are dying. This cure can save them.”

Kirrahe didn't budge. “If that cure leaves this planet the krogan will become unstoppable. We can't make the same mistake again.”

Wrex growled menacingly and stalked up to the salarian. He leaned in and pointed a finger at Kirrahe, demanding his attention. “We are _not_ a mistake!” He bared his teeth briefly, then turned and left the conversation. I caught a brief look at his eyes—filled with a fury I'd never seen. I half expected him to pull his weapon, but he continued to retreat down the sandy shore. Uneasily, I turned my attention back to Kirrahe.

The Captain didn't empathize. “Is he going to be a problem? We already have more than enough angry krogan to deal with.”

Shepard and I briefly shared a worried glance. Shepard assured him, “He'll be fine; I'll talk to him.”

“I'd appreciate that, Commander. My men and I need to rethink our plan of attack. Can you give us some time?”

“Certainly, Captain. We'll be around.” Shepard motioned for Kaidan and I to gather around him while Kirrahe disappeared into one of the salarian tents.

“Looks like things are a bit of a mess,” Kaidan pointed out.

I grunted. “I wouldn't be so worried if it wasn't for Wrex. It looks like he's about to blow a gasket—big time.”

Shepard nodded in agreement. “We need to talk him down. Give me some privacy, but I want you two to stay close.”

“Sir, I want to talk to him,” I requested.

Shepard looked at me, considering it. “Ok. Williams and I will approach—Kaidan, you watch our backs, ok?”

“No problem, Commander,” Kaidan promised.

We headed towards Wrex, who was standing by the water, glaring at it. He had pulled his shotgun and seemed to be aiming at some fish. He fired a series of shells into the water, scaring all the fish away. I shuddered when I saw that same look of absolute fury still looming behind the eye that I could see. He turned towards the both of us as we approached. His weapon was pointed to the ground, but he didn't seem interested in stowing it on his person.

“This isn't right, Shepard. If there's a cure for the genophage, we can't destroy it.”

“I understand you're upset,” Shepard tried to pacify him, “but we both know Saren's the enemy here. _He's_ the one you should be angry with.”

“Really?” Wrex pressed, advancing on the both of us. His growing harshness of tone began to contrast the calm and relaxed sound of the ocean beating against the beach. “ _Saren_ created a cure for my people. _You_ want to destroy it. Help me out here Shepard, the lines between friend and foe are getting a little blurry from where I stand.”

Shepard took a step towards Wrex. Things were getting heated, and I was immensely uncomfortable. “This isn't a cure; it's a weapon, and if Saren is allowed to use it, you won't be around to reap the benefits. None of us will.

“How do you know this time will be any different than the Uprising? The krogan are too dangerous to be saved.”

“That is a chance we should be willing to take,” Wrex demanded. “This is the fate of my entire people we're talking about!” Wrex growled before issuing an ultimatum. “If you can't give me a better reason than that to destroy the hopes of my people, then I'm done with you.”

Wrex pulled his shotgun up and trained it upon Shepard. I responded with alacrity and reached with both hands, pushing Shepard back and behind me, blocking Wrex's shot. I was inches away from the krogan's weapon; I could feel his hot breath on my face. Kinetic barriers would be of no use at this range whatsoever. A single shotgun blast could cut a hole right through them, the ceramic plates, the inner suit, and me.

“Don't do it!” I shouted. My mouth was going dry, and the hairs on the back of my neck began to stand up. His deep red eyes held such hate in them—and they were looking right at me.

“Get out of my way, Williams,” Wrex demanded. “Or I _will_ kill you.”

“You can kill me, Wrex, but you can't kill us both.” I nodded to Kaidan, who had worked his way right up behind the krogan and pulled his own weapon. Wrex took a brief glance behind him and realized the situation he was in.

The krogan didn't back down, however, merely stalled. “This Hrakhor thinks he can judge my entire race. What gives him the right? Why are you defending him?”

“Because his way is the right way, and you know it!” I heard splashing behind me and to my right. I glanced back to see none other than Liara T'Soni, running up to us. My heart jumped into my throat briefly. She stopped short, but within earshot, frozen, as she took in all the weapons pointing at each other. She must have seen us from the mako bay and run up here. I couldn't worry about that now; for the moment, she was safe, and I was not.

I continued pressing Wrex. “Look, this is an impossible situation, Wrex. It isn't as simple as condemning or saving your people. It isn't a morality decision at all. The only choices we have are to let Saren keep his cure and use it issue forth Armageddon, or destroy it and save the rest of the galaxy.

“I'm sorry Saren had to be the one to find the answer your people have been looking for, Wrex. But I'm not passing moral judgment down from on high when I say we can't save your people today. Personally, I want to save your species. You're a part of this galactic whole, and we would be the poorer for losing all of you. But I have to put that desire aside—not today, Wrex, not today. Maybe someone else will recreate the cure later. I don't know. It may yet work out if God wants it to.

“Right now, though, you need to stand down. We have to stop Saren. _That_ is the only thing that matters. _That_ is the reason we're here. Saren will exploit the krogan 'saved' with this cure. Do you really want that? Your own people, reduced to his tools, footsoldiers for the Reapers?”

Wrex paused. “No. We were tools for the Council once, and to pay us back for wiping out the rachni, they neutered us all. I doubt _Saren_ will be as generous.” He spat the Spectre's name like it filled his mouth with a bad taste just to say it.

Wrex lowered his weapon, and it began to compact into travel form. “You've made your point. I don't like this, but I trust you to do what's in everyone's best interest.” Wrex clipped his weapon to his back. He pushed past me to get at Shepard, who hadn't spoken in several minutes.

“You're lucky to have an officer as loyal as Williams,” Wrex informed him. “If you were krogan, I doubt anyone would have come to your pitiful defense. Keep that in mind, dear _Spectre,_ the next time you think about judging a people's right to live.” With that, Wrex shoved his way past Shepard and through the crowd of salarians.

I watched him leave the area, awestruck. _I-I-I just stood up to a krogan. To Wrex! And I won? I'm alive? I'm still alive!_ Relief swept through me. Daniel turned away once he was convinced Wrex wasn't going to double back, interrupting my line-of-sight. “That—that was..,” he couldn't seem to decide what he wanted to say.

I took over for him. “He has a point, Commander,” I pointed out. “You may be a Spectre, but I cannot believe you would think so highly of yourself as to make such a judgment over an entire race. You're supposed to be humanity's best. If that's the best we can do, then I am ashamed to be a human.” I turned and left the Commander standing, rooted in place.

() () () () ()

I thought I heard someone wading out of the surf and onto the beach. I turned my head to one side, enough to see Liara coming after me. _Liara? Liara wants to talk with you?_ I tried not to let my hopes swell too quickly, but I waited patiently for her to catch up. We continued to walk down the beach together.

“I saw what happened,” Liara told me. “I was so scared he was going to harm you; I didn't know what to do—I nearly lost my mind.”

 _Maybe she just wants to be polite; say she's glad you're alive,_ my snide little pessimistic voice suggested. The thought disheartened me. I shrugged. “I thought our friendship might give me better odds than the Commander.”

“Why did you rush so quickly to defend him? Was it simply loyalty to your commanding officer?”

I shook my head. “I live and breathe as a soldier, Liara, down to my very heart and soul. But the chain of command wasn't the only reason: I knew leaving the cure in Saren's hands would be disastrous. I just had to convince Wrex of that, too.”

“I have never seen him so angry and tense.”

I admitted the same in a small voice, “I was scared by him. I thought he might actually kill me.”

“You would have let him?”

“I wouldn't have been able to do a thing about it. Let's remember, though, that it didn't happen that way. Wrex backed off. That's the important thing.”

We'd walked a good distance from the salarian camp. I stopped here and felt drained from running on high emotions. I needed to recuperate. I sighed, spying an area under a tropical tree with a thin trunk. We made our way over there, where I collapsed, my back leaning against the tree. I took off my helmet and set it beside me, looking over the ocean not too far away. _So idyllic—it's baffling considering the weight of what's been going on at this beach. A secret base, experimentation on breeding an army... That sort of thing's supposed to be in underground labs with dark, dank walls, not bright sunlight and untouched beaches._

Liara sat down against the tree as well, our shoulders touching. I had to imagine it wasn't the nicest feeling having my tough and unyielding armor pushing into her arm, so I adjusted my sitting position, scooting an inch or two away.

She grabbed my arm while I moved, stilling me. “Ashley.”

“What?” I asked, baffled that she would hold me like I was about to blow away down the beach.

“When I thought he was going to kill you... The only thought going through my mind was that I wouldn't have the chance to explain. That you might die with everything unresolved between us. I know I must have made very little sense, forgiving you but not being able to be around you...”

“It made a little sense,” I replied, subdued. I had been so ashamed that for some time I didn't want to be around myself either. Things had gotten a lot better just knowing that Liara was willing to forgive me. I was able to be less hard on myself, to admit I'd made a mistake, but could put it behind me.

I tried to relax against the tree, allowing her to continue holding my arm. She relinquished her grip, sliding her hand down and interlacing our fingers. My heart began to race of its own accord. I held her hand back, holding us together. _I wanted this,_ I realized. _All this time, I've wanted to be this close to her. Now that I have it—._ The gesture meant everything to me; it made me remember whenshe held my hand on the Citadel. _I liked that so much even though I didn't think about it much at the time. It seems like such a long time ago, but I never forgot how good it felt. It feels even better now._ “Th-thanks, Liara. It still meant a lot. I know I screwed up.”

“That isn't why I got so mad for so long.” Liara was moving, getting onto her knees and facing me while continuing to hold my hand. I turned towards her warily, feeling a strange warmth filling me that had nothing to do with the afternoon sun. I tried to center my eyes on hers, but I felt a powerful, undeniable attraction to her right now that made it difficult to concentrate. It was just us here—as private as I could ever hope for—and we were _so_ close to each other. Nearby, the ocean beat rhythmically on the shores, as if it was physically pushing me towards her, encouraging me to admit what was going on between us in this moment.

It frightened me a little bit to acknowledge my feelings for what they were—but it only affirmed nagging thoughts I had been having since meeting her months ago. Feelings that I ignored or repressed, but could not annihilate. I listened as she continued, “The truth is, is that you mean so much to me, Ashley. I've always been the solitary type, but I've never been so lonely as I felt when I found out what you did. I felt like we shared something special, and then you were telling me it was all my imagination. I got angry because you don't see me the way I saw you.”

I moved in a flash to mirror Liara, getting on my knees and facing her. “That's just it, Liara. I swear I've felt the same way all this time, but I didn't know what to do. I took the easy way out; I did what duty demanded, and I tried to ignore how guilty it made me feel even though I couldn't. I'm not proud of it. I would never do it again—you have to believe that.”

She squeezed my hand before releasing it. “I don't like being apart from you like we've been. I still want to be your friend, Ashley. Please tell me you can do that much. Don't turn me away.” She looked away from me, her strength failing her.

 _She's so beautiful,_ I considered when it suddenly popped into my head. _Vulnerable, but I will protect her from now on. She'll come first no matter what._ My hand got a mind of its own, and I reached up to her face, caressing her temple, sliding back along one of the smooth folds of sculpted skin until it reached the very tip at the back. She faced me directly as if compelled.

“I can do that much—and more,” I spoke without thinking, possessed by the intimacy of the moment. “I promise.” The distance between us began to disappear, but I didn't notice as I stared into her vibrant blue eyes.

I let my hand drop behind her neck and used it to hold her there as I brought our mouths together. My lips ghosted over hers, and I swore I felt an electric jolt pass between us. It ignited a passion buried inside me like pouring gasoline on a smoldering fire.

Our lips crushed together. It wasn't enough; I needed more of her. I brought my left hand to her hip and pushed her against me. The harsh sunlit scene melted away. I had no need of vision, just touch, taste, and smell. I just needed her. I drank her into my senses greedily and without hesitation.

Far too soon, my body's less romantic demands for air started to scream at me, forcing us to part. I panted, taking in the cool salty air; Liara sucked in deep breaths of her own. Our foreheads gently came together to rest. “I can't turn you away, Liara. I can't even turn you off in my head,” I told her. Everything we'd ever done together ran through my head like a runaway slide show. Every second of it brought refreshed and renewed delight.

“What are you saying?” Liara whispered.

“I'm saying there's something special going on between us,” I paraphrased her words, whispering them back to her. “I'm saying that I want to know everything about you, that I'm always thinking about you, that I've missed you so much...”

I couldn't speak any more as Liara quickly tightened her arms around me, hugging us so closely I was sure neither of us was capable of breathing. She buried her face into my neck as if she intended to burrow right inside and inhabit my heart as her home.

She finally released me, allowing us both the chance to recover. She pulled away enough that she could look into my eyes. We stared at each other, both too emotional for words. _What I wouldn't do for seven hours' rack time and a private bedroom right now._ My cheeks colored slightly, embarrassed at the suggestion. _Aren't you getting ahead of yourself, Ash?_

Unfortunately, circumstances were not stacked in my favor. My radio squawked at me, shocking me. I broke away, but I immediately missed the contact. “You'd better answer that,” Liara told me, pulling us both up to our feet.

“I really would rather not,” I answered back, but reached up and activated the radio none-the-less. Liara rested her head on my shoulder, and held me gently, sighing quietly before politely going silent. I almost lost the ability to stand right then and there, but moved one foot back to catch our weight and compensate. I waited a moment, but Liara did not seem willing to part from me, and I was already suspiciously late to acknowledge the signal. I swallowed before calling out, “Williams here.”

“Williams, this is Shepard. Report back to the salarian camp; Captain Kirrahe has a plan and he wants to brief us. Have you seen Liara?”

I glanced at the top of her head as she rested against me, so soft, warm, and inviting. It was almost like a dream, and I had to be sure it was real. “Yeah, I have.”

“Good. Go get her and bring her along.”

“Yea—Sir.” I squeezed my eyes shut, embarrassed by my twisted tongue.

“You all right, Williams? You sound different.”

“Uh, I'm fine—on my way, Williams out.” I clicked the radio savagely.

“I guess we shall have to restrain ourselves for the time being,” Liara stated. She reached up to caress my arm lightly.

“Yeah,” I offered weakly. “I'm not sure I can.”

“You can do anything,” Liara pulled away, holding me by the elbows and looking at me lasciviously with her eyes. “I believe in you, Ashley.”

“Ash,” I invited her. Outside of my family, no one was allowed to use the diminutive version, but I knew it would thrill me to the core to hear Liara do so.

She nodded. “Let's go, Ash. They're waiting for us.”

I was not disappointed, feeling a rush when I heard her say it. I smiled, reaching for her hand and interlacing our fingers. “Fine, but you'd better lead me by hand. I'm liable to get lost out here on my own.”

She smiled widely, understanding the excuse for what it was and wholly approving. “Gladly.”

() () () () ()

Kirrahe met us in front of one of their tents. I stood quietly to the side as Shepard asked, “So, we're all here. I assume you've come up with a plan?”

The big-eyed alien hesitated. “Of sorts. We can convert our ship's drive system into a 20-kiloton ordinance. Crude, but effective.”

 _Now there's a plan I can get behind!_ “Nice. Drop that nuke from orbit, and Saren can kiss his turian ass goodbye.” I smirked.

“Unfortunately, the facility is too well fortified for that. We'll need to place the bomb at a precise location if we want to completely decimate Saren's base.”

“Where do we take the nuke, and how do we get it there?” Shepard asked.

“The bomb must be taken to the far side of the facility. Your ship can drop it off, but we'll need to infiltrate the base, disable the AA guns, and pacify any ground forces first.”

Kaidan looked around briefly at what remained of the third infiltration regiment STG. “You want us to go in on foot? Your own reports tell us: we don't have enough men!” he protested.

Shepard agreed. “We won't be able to meet their force head-on.”

“Definitely not,” Kirrahe continued, “but I think we can work around that. I'm going to divide my men into three teams and hit the front of the facility. While we've got their attention, we can sneak your team, designated 'Shadow', in through the back.”

“It's a good idea, but your people are going to get slaughtered.”

“We're tougher than we look, Commander,” Kirrahe assured him. I glanced briefly at a few of the salarians in eyesight, and they were all less armored than I was. Most appeared to be using lightweight armor. I grimaced. They didn't look tough at all; unusually tall compared to humans, maybe. Kirrahe acknowledged the same a moment later, “But it's true. I don't expect many of us to make it out alive, and that makes what I'm going to ask even more difficult.”

Worry filled me. _What's he going to ask for? This sounds bad._

Kirrahe pressed forward, “I need one of your men to accompany me to help coordinate the teams.”

I glanced at both Shepard and Kaidan. Both of their jaws were settling into hard lines. Shepard reiterated, “You expect me to commit one of _my_ people to your command.”

The salarian was unfazed by Shepard's resistance to the idea. “We are all soldiers by trade. If your people are not prepared to face the risk, would you really want them by your side?”

Kaidan seemed to agree. “He's right, Commander. We can't hope to win without both teams at their best. I volunteer.”

 _What about the bomb, then?_ “Not so fast, El-Tee. Shepard needs you to arm the bomb. I'll go with the salarians.”

Kaidan balked, showing slight annoyance. “With all due respect, Gunnery Chief, it's not _your_ place to decide.”

I bristled. _I'm tired of hearing 'with all due respect.' It's bull._ “Why is it when anyone says 'with all due respect,' what they really mean is 'kiss my ass'?”

“Stow it, both of you,” Shepard cut in. “This is my decision to make.”

Kirrahe added, “Either of your officers will do, Commander. Both seem willing to sacrifice their lives if necessary—though if we are lucky, such sacrifices won't be required.”

“Tell me more about the bomb,” Shepard requested.

Kirrahe launched into a description. “Its reliability depends on the person arming it, but it will do the job. The drive system is highly impervious to damage from external sources. Once it has been armed, very little can stop it. The key is getting it into place and armed before the geth can stop us.”

This seemed to cement Shepard's decision. “All right. Lieutenant Alenko, you're in charge of the bomb. That means you, Chief Williams, are going to help coordinate the teams.”

“Aye, Sir,” Kaidan and I replied simultaneously.

“I look forward to working with you, Chief Williams,” Kirrahe addressed me. “May victory find us prepared to grasp it today.” He nodded once at me before turning to Shepard. “If you will excuse me, I need to prepare my men.”

Shepard nodded. Kirrahe withdrew to the command tent. I turned to my two superior officers, not quite sure how to say goodbye. It was quickly becoming real—I was leaving Shepard's command. “Well, don't do anything foolish while I'm gone,” I joked, unsure what else to do.

Shepard shook his head. “That goes doubly for you, Gunnery Chief. No heroics—just do your job.”

“Yes, Commander.” I paused, working to order my thoughts in some comprehensible fashion. “I—it's been an honor serving with both of you.”

“We'll see you again soon,” Kaidan promised. “Saren won't know what hit him, and we'll all pull through this.”

I smiled politely, nodding in wordless agreement. The two officers departed, and Liara found me. I was conflicted, knowing the danger I was about to be in, about how much to tell the Prothean expert. She gave me a hug immediately, which I reciprocated.

“What did Kirrahe tell you?” she asked.

“We have a plan to stop Saren,” I told her, smiling with as much optimism as I could muster. “I'm going to join the salarians in making a diversion to distract the geth guarding Saren's base. Shepard's leading a small team in the back.”

“It sounds dangerous,” Liara stated, obviously distressed.

I reassured her, “All my missions are dangerous, Liara. I'm used to it. I'm good at it. I can beat the odds. We need this if we're going to beat Saren.”

“I know,” she smiled sadly. “And I'm sorry, but I worry about what could happen. I don't want to lose you.”

“You'll never lose me,” I promised. “Never. I want to find out everything that this could mean for us, and in the worst case, we'll still see each other in heaven. Don't worry about me.”

Salarians were converging on the command tent not far from our position. I saw several moving past us, glancing only briefly at us as they moved past. It was almost time; Kirrahe's men were assembling for their orders.

“I have to go,” I told her. “You be careful.”

Liara nodded. “Keep your head down, Ash.”

I smiled as big as I physically could. I liked hearing her say my name like that. I could listen to the way it slipped off her lips over and over again, but right now I needed to avoid distraction. “I will,” I promised.

She pulled me in, and we shared a light kiss that made my head swim pleasantly. As we broke apart, she added, “May Athame encircle her arms around you and bring you back safely.”

I nodded, thankful for her short and thoughtful prayer. “And God, please send your guardian angels to look over Liara. Bring us back together when all of this is done.”

We stared briefly at each other, each memorizing the other in this moment so we could call upon the memory at will. I broke away as I heard Kirrahe call the ranks to order. I walked to the command tent, taking up standing at attention to one side of the salarian captain. As I looked over the ranks, I could see Liara returning to the _Normandy_.

With some struggle, I managed to tear my eyes away from her retreating form and watch the salarians, listening to Kirrahe's speech. Kirrahe addressed them calmly, but with power behind his words. “You all know the mission and what is at stake. I've come to trust each of you with my life, but I've also heard murmurs of discontent. I share your concerns.

“We are trained for espionage. We would be _legends_ , but the records are sealed. Glory in battle is not our way. Think of our heroes!” Kirrahe began walking down the front row of soldiers, continuing his speech as every salarian followed him with their eyes.

“The Silent Step, who defeated a nation with a single shot, or the Ever Alert, who kept armies at bay with hidden facts. These giants do not seem to give us solace here, but they are not all that we are. Before the Network, there was the fleet. Before diplomacy, there were _soldiers_. Our influence stopped the rachni, but before that we held the line.”

His voice began to build in its passion, “Our influence stopped the krogan, but before that, we held the line.

“Our influence _will_ stop Saren! In the battle today—WE WILL HOLD THE LINE!”

I felt my heartstrings tugged at his words. It was obvious to me that he knew how to inspire his men; even I was not immune. I noticed the salarian ranks' discipline rise; they straightened their backs, held themselves more proudly than before. They looked utterly devoted and determined. I knew soldiers inside and out, and from what I just saw, I knew these soldiers were ready to do whatever had to be done. My fears about this mission abated, at least for now.

Kirrahe and Shepard exchanged wishes for good luck, then Shepard got on his radio. “Liara T'Soni, Tali'Zorah nar Rayya: assemble at the following coordinates. Kaidan Alenko, Urdot Wrex, Garrus Vakarian: stay with the bomb and be sure you're ready when the time comes. Ashley Williams, show the salarians how it's done.”

I smirked. “ _Yes, Sir!_ ” With that, Shepard left the salarians and I behind, heading for one side of the camp. I watched Liara and Tali join him, both armed, armored, and ready to go. As they retreated beyond a rocky crag so I couldn't see them any further, Kirrahe looked at me. “Are you with us, Chief Williams?”

“Of course, Captain.” I turned to address him. “Let me at 'em; the geth won't know what hit them,” I growled.

“Good. I've placed you in command of one of my teams: Aegohr. You'll also be my 2IC for the entire regiment. I may need you to take command if I am incapacitated during the battle. Are you sure you're ready for this?”

“Don't worry about it, Captain. This is not my first time in such a position. I'm a capable leader, if worst comes for worst.”

“Good.” Kirrahe addressed his ranks next, “Formation, dismissed. Form up in your teams. Aegohr, form up around Williams. Mannovai, take point. Jaëto, I want you on our right flank for now.” With that, the salarians quickly and professionally distributed themselves into three approximately equal teams. I took the middle of the first row in Aegohr's formation and began to follow Mannovai. I pulled my sniper rifle, unpacking it so it would be ready for use. I didn't fail to notice a few salarians look at my weapon enviously. Spectre grade—no doubt they were impressed, maybe even a little intimidated. I knew I would have been in their place. It filled me with pride.

The three teams proceeded straight for Saren's front door. We intercepted three patrols, finishing off all three of them. As we broke out of the trees and wilderness into the open territory surrounding the base, I knew it was time for the real battle to start. All three teams dove for cover as a veritable army of geth, along with machine-gun platforms mounted on the wall, began to fire and suppress us.

The guns were located at least fifteen meters in the air, commanding a large range with their higher ground. Mannovai attempted to move up further, but two salarians fell before covering up behind a hill. The squad was suppressed effectively, forced to hole up as the machine guns concentrated on the lead squad.

Over the radio, I hollered, “Fire is coordinated on Mannovai team. We can't reach the geth turrets! They're out of range.”

Aegohr was behind Mannovai, and I was covered up behind a tree at the treeline. I whipped out from behind it, aiming at two geth troopers advancing on Mannovai's flank. I fired three shots, downing both targets. I covered up and waited for my weapon to cool. _We can't be stopped already—think Ash! Find a weak spot! Twist it, exploit it. Get us closer to these turrets so we can hit them with grenades._

Fire was exchanged for several minutes with no inroads being made towards the base. Thankfully, we kept the geth back and did not lose any more soldiers during the fierce fighting. Suddenly, the machine gun emplacements seemed to lose track of their targets that they were suppressing. _What the hell?_

Kirrahe didn't waste a minute of this welcome advantage. “Something's scrambled their targeting. We've got a shot. Chief Williams, take the heat off Mannovai!”

I uncovered and took aim at the geth forces along the wall. “Aegohr, move up!” I ordered. As the salarians advanced, I sniped any geth soldier that attempted to target my team. Aegohr moved abreast of Mannovai, continuing their assault from a rocky outcropping. Deciding it was time, I ran up to meet with my squad at their new position. Bullets flew all around me, striking the ground, but I took few hits to my kinetic barriers before I was safely ensconced in a rock crevice, two meters behind the rest of Aegohr.

Our movement caught geth attention, and we soon found ourselves under fierce assault—but that meant less for Mannovai to worry about. The squad moved up quickly and assaulted the geth turrets with explosives. In a thunderous rapport, all the machine guns were destroyed.

The geth adapted quickly, and I spotted a few soldiers stop their assaults and seem to zero-in on Jaëto as the final squad was moving up. “Jaëto, cover up!” I ordered. I was uncertain what those soldiers were doing, but it had to be bad, or they wouldn't be wasting their time doing it. Kirrahe's squad ducked for cover just as I heard the screeching of incoming missiles. I looked to the sky, spotting the contrails of the weapons as they zoomed from somewhere deep inside the base straight for Jaëto.

Most of the squad cleared the blast zone, but a few salarians were caught in a massive explosion as one missile slammed into the ground right in front of them. Their broken and bloodied bodies flew back, landing on the ground, unmoving.

Kirrahe warned, “They're calling sat strikes! Jaëto, watch for comm stations! Williams, can you see anything?”

“Missiles are coming from inside the base,” I told him. “Two shock troopers on the wall are carrying some kind of communication equipment; I think they're the ones interfacing with the satellite to target the missiles.”

I heard another missile streak towards my squad. “Disperse!” I ordered. All of Aegohr quickly left their cover and dove in separate directions for new places of safety. I sucked in a deep breath and forced myself to huddle in the crevice even deeper, hoping it would protect me. The missile struck with a deafening explosion that made my ears ring, drowning out all sound but for the muted sound of gunfire. Unbearable heat rolled over me, but thankfully I didn't have to withstand it for long. However, it took a long time for my hearing to return to normal.

“Aegohr, report!” I ordered.

“Two down, we're split into two groups,” one soldier informed me. I pushed myself out of the crevice and took stock of the situation, quickly confirming his report. “We need to hit their comm stations _now!_ ” I yelled. I took aim for the two geth shock troopers that were calling the strikes. I reacquired only one of them; they'd changed positions since I last spied them to keep us from pinning them down and concentrating on them.

Bullets slammed into my barrier, the rock at my left side, and the ground all around me. I waited patiently, hoping to get a clear shot at the shock trooper. _Come on, pop up, send another sat strike our way. You know you want to_ , I silently egged on my troublesome target.

The geth popped up, looking right at Mannovai and taking aim with its device, preparing to order the strike. I slid the trigger back smoothly, holding myself as still as possible. Even as I fired, I heard my kinetic barrier warning go off. The shot went straight through the shock trooper's head, causing it to spasm and drop the device next to it as it fell. I ducked behind my rock. “One spotter down,” I informed the others.

As I spun out to look for the other, I noticed another, less sophisticated geth trooper had picked up the comm device and was attempting to use it. “Another geth has started spotting,” I added. _Shit, they all know how to do this stuff? No wonder they can be such a menace. They're all equally knowledgeable about their equipment. That means I'll never be able to shut down their squad's ability to do something until every last one is dead—good luck making that happen anytime soon._

I fired on the geth spotter, but failed to hit it as it wisely hid behind its tall wall. The final shock trooper spotter was free of harassment at the moment, and took aim at Mannovai again. It targeted the squad, but no missiles were fired. I watched the geth toss its sat strike device to one side and switch to its assault rifle. I glanced at the trooper who'd picked up the other sat device—it also had switched to normal weapons. _Yes, Shadow must have hit the geth comm station! Go Shepard! They're not calling strikes anymore!_

“Aegohr, form up here,” I ordered, indicating a position using my omni-tool. “Captain, I think they've lost their sat strike ability. I suggest we press this advantage while it lasts!”

“Confirmed, Chief. I've got eyes on their comm station, and it's one big ball of smoke. All teams, advance! Watch the fliers!”

I switched to my assault rifle, clipping the packed-up sniper rifle to my back. The fliers came in fast and hard, attempting to overwhelm us with their speed. Fortunately, Aegohr had heard Kirrahe's warning, and we were able to hunker down and begin picking them off. There were scores of the flying drones, and the battle became protracted once again, with little headway by either side.

Eventually the drones withdrew in an organized formation, protecting their remaining numbers. On the radio, I advised, “Aircraft heading to fuel stations to recharge. Bunker up before they come back.”

Kirrahe and I waited, straining to hear the fliers return. After four minutes, I knew something was wrong. Kirrahe must have sensed it too. “Air threat has not materialized. We may be getting some help from Shadow,” he guessed.

“Aegohr, move up!” I ordered. “Mannovai, you too!”

We advanced on the base, meeting little resistance. Mannovai planted charges at the front door, blowing it open. A few geth tried to ambush us, but we were ready to meet resistance inside the base. Five grenades later, the route into the base was secured. Mannovai kept on point, Aegohr secured weapons lying on the ground, and Jaëto watched just in case the fliers were not actually destroyed and decided to make a late arrival.

The far door was gigantic, measuring seven meters high and between ten and fifteen meters wide. As the door began to open of its own accord, the salarians and I quickly took cover behind wall outcroppings, preparing for another fierce assault.

We were not disappointed; the geth brought an armature and a score of foot soldiers in their first wave through the door. I squeezed off careful bursts with the assault rifle, attempting to be accurate above all else with my shooting.

The geth forces stepped up their assault with a second wave reinforcing the first. It was composed primary of geth troopers and snipers. I switched to my sniper rifle, intent on stopping the snipers before they could kill any more of our men. It was hard keeping track of the armature so I wasn't exposed and attempting to aim when it was ready to fire another round of plasma. I felt the ground and walls vibrate around me as a round exploded somewhere nearby. _My turn,_ I declared. I quickly popped out from behind my cover, aiming for the snipers. I took three shots, finishing off two geth snipers before they even saw me. Another one took a bead on me, planning to finish me off. I quickly ducked behind the wall outcropping, waiting for it to be distracted with the rest of the salarians.

The armature, primary focus of the salarian teams, lost its kinetic barriers then. I rolled out of cover this time so the sniper wouldn't know where to predict that I would appear. Lying flat on my stomach, I brought up the sniper rifle and aimed at its large plasma cannon head. I fired three direct hits into the weapon, then rolled back behind cover as the other geth drained my barriers with their assault weapons.

The geth collapsed a moment later with a full-auto burst from a pack of salarians up and to my left. The ground shuddered beneath us as the armature went down. Seeing an opportunity, I crouch-ran to the armature, using it for cover. Then I rejoined the fight, continuing to concentrate on the snipers.

Over the radio, I heard Kirrahe note, “Shadow team must be getting close. Hold the line, men. Hold the line!”

I killed the final sniper, but the geth were continuing to pour through the far door and attack us. I switched back to my assault rifle and left the armature, running up to advance to a closer firing position, on the opposite wall from the one I'd used first. From there, I began to pick apart the incoming geth forces. I was beginning to lose myself to instinct; I was becoming less and less aware of _thinking_ , and just _doing_. I kept progressing, using my kinetic barriers to absorb the punishment while I fought ferociously with a geth shock trooper. My weapon overheated, so I dropped it right where I was and grabbed my shotgun in one smooth motion. It unpacked and was ready to shoot just as I brought it around front and took aim at the shock trooper. I ran at it, firing shells. The geth spasmed from the first two shots and fell on its back with the third. I stood right over it, firing a fourth just to make sure it was dead. I quickly retreated into a niche in the wall, clipping my shotgun in place and picking up the assault rifle.

“Give a little ground, Chief. We don't want them to bunker up. Draw them out.”

I looked back to Jaëto, becoming aware of my allies behind me once again. I waited for my kinetic barriers to recharge, and then fired at the geth lines while walking in reverse. I took cover near a salarian from my squad. The battle continued, the geth doing nothing if not consistently providing more foot soldiers for us to target. The salarians were taking fewer casualties, but we didn't have near the numbers they did in the first place, so each one was exponentially worse for us. I wondered if we would ever run them out of troops and manage to make it to the AA gun we still had to destroy. Perhaps we'd run out of ammo before the geth ran out of soldiers—it was frightening to even consider the possibility when I knew thousands of bullets came in a single ammo block.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

 

Kirrahe got on his radio. “The geth are turning away from your position, Jaëto. Looks like Shadow kicked a sensitive spot. Williams, head them off!”

I growled and pushed myself out of my cover, spraying bullets at the retreating forms of the geth. “Aegohr, intercept them now!” I ordered.

Working as a team, we stopped the geth forces attempting to pull back and finished off every single geth still standing. The geth never surrendered, and I spied one of my squad members fall right at the end. “Aegohr, covering fire!” I ordered, racing for the salarian. “Someone help me evac!”

Another salarian from Aegohr quickly joined me as we reached our fallen teammate. I could tell he was alive, and there was no blood, which was encouraging. The complete assessment would have to wait for a less volatile situation, however, so I merely grabbed the salarian's arm and looped it around my neck, helping him to his feet. He hobbled, using me for support, until we turned a corner, safe from any geth stragglers. My helper kept his weapon trained on the area behind us, making sure we made it safely. Once we reached my destination, I flopped him to the ground as gently as I could, but his height made maneuvering him difficult. He groaned, but that was the extent of his complaint. “I'm fine,” he insisted through his teeth due to his pain, “My knee!”

As I took a look, something seemed out of place at his right knee. His bone didn't look like it was set in its joint completely. I grimaced. “Soldier, bite down on something that won't wreck your teeth, because on the count of three I'm going to reset your knee.”

The salarian grabbed a leather strap and put it in his mouth, biting down on it. We were as ready as we could be, so I wasted no time. “One, two—.” At the word two, I wrenched on his leg, causing him extreme agony. His knees looked the same once again. I nodded, feeling the joint briefly with one hand. I wasn't that familiar with a salarian's physiology, but I wasn't exactly new to dislocated shoulders, either.

The salarian spit out the leather and protested as soon as his pain began receding, “I thought you said three.”

“Sorry. Didn't want you to tense up too much from expecting it.” I gave him a wan smile before leaving him with a salarian medic to retake command of Aegohr.

There were no geth left alive, and the area had already been secured by Mannovai. Kirrahe came up to me to strategize. His omni-tool was open and hacked into the bases' defenses, from what I could tell. As he showed the readings to me, he got on the radio. “Good work on the gun, Shadow team. Now it's our turn.” I could also tell Shadow's objective was offline from Kirrahe's readings. That meant that Liara and Shepard were still ok, and everything was still going according to plan.

I asked him, “Are you hacked into the whole base? Can you shut down the final AA gun from here?”

Kirrahe shook his head. “My engineers only got me enough access to check the status of the defenses; I can't change them remotely. We still need to make it to the AA tower and bring the weapon offline from up there. Jaëto has some explosives that should make short work of the entire weapon if we can get there and plant it.”

I nodded with approval. “Good. We should keep moving to the AA tower. Soon as its down, _Normandy_ will deliver the bomb to location.”

“Casualties?” Kirrahe questioned.

“Aegohr has lost three, two minor injuries, six have more serious GSWs, but medi-gel is workings its miracles.” I summarized. “It's only going to get more dangerous the deeper we get into this facility. The geth must have ridiculous numbers here to be wasting so many of them.”

“You have no idea,” Kirrahe replied morosely. “We've got an uphill fight ahead of us. Keep me informed, Williams,” he added, “I don't know much about human physiology, and I don't want you pushing yourself too far.”

“I won't, Sir.” _He might be worried about me since I'm Shepard's soldier, but I will most certainly do whatever it takes to win this, whether he likes it or not._

“I can't question your courage,” Kirrahe told me. “I want you to know, I'm glad Commander Shepard assigned you to us. You've done an invaluable job so far.”

I nodded. “Your regiment is fierce, Captain. I'm impressed by their resiliency this far. Now, let's stop gabbing and get our job done.”

“You're right, Chief. Move out.”

I nodded, turning away from Kirrahe towards the interior of the base. Mannovai continued at point, but Kirrahe switched Jaëto and Aegohr, leaving me in the rear. So much as I wanted to protest, I knew he had a point because my unit had the most injured, and I would never be able to convince him to change his mind. We proceeded into the base, heading straight for the final AA gun, atop a tall tower.

When we reached a stairwell that'd been secured by Jaëto, I found my limping salarian squad mate and came up alongside him. There was no way I'd make a serviceable human crutch when I was so much shorter than most of the salarians. “I'll get someone your height to help you up the stairs, it'll go faster.” I assigned another Aegohr soldier to help him up, and then followed behind the two of them.

When we arrived at the roof with the AA gun, the roof was already secured by Mannovai, and all geth forces wiped out. I was disappointed that being placed in rearguard had kept me out of the action, but it was the best call for my squad, so I didn't say anything about it.

I heard Kirrahe on the radio as Aegohr and I took up positions guarding the roof entrances. “Charges set! Bunker down, bunker down!” Quickly, the salarians all scattered, placing something big and solid between them and the AA gun. Kirrahe depressed the detonator, and the resulting explosion obliterated the weapon completely, causing the roof to shake, crack, and groan. For a tense moment I worried the roof would break apart and collapse, but it held firm and the vibrations dissipated.

On the general mission channel, I heard Joker's voice for the first time in hours as he confirmed that the _Normandy_ knew it was safe to approach. “All right! That's one less thing to worry about. Commander, I'm bringing us in. I'll get us as close to the site as I can.”

Meanwhile, we uncovered and began guarding the entrances to the roof again. I heard a loud bang against the door I was guarding. Bristling, I grabbed my final grenade and pulled the pin. The door was bent under the thrust of whomever was banging on it. I figured it was probably a geth, judging by how easily it seemed to be dismantling the door with each strike. With one final shove, the door burst open, and I threw my grenade inside. I heard the unmistakable sound of a krogan's deep voice as he saw the grenade land next to him. It exploded inside the stairwell with the krogan, killing him instantly.

I heard more shouts and cries, and suddenly three krogan leapt out of the doorway and onto the roof. One was bleeding from a wound to his lower chest—probably also the grenade's doing. The trio split apart, each taking one target and charging them. The injured one chose me, and ran straight for me. I brought up my assault rifle and held down the trigger, frightened to death and hoping against hope for a miracle.

The krogan's shields absorbed all my bullets until he was within striking distance. With a fierce backhand that was more like his entire forearm colliding with me, he knocked my assault rifle right out of my hands and threw me through the air. I bunched up protectively as I landed on my back, but I still felt my helmeted head strike the ground viciously enough to make everything swim briefly. I knew the krogan wouldn't stop until he'd murdered me, so I instinctively rolled away to one side, hoping he'd miss me. I was lucky I did, as he landed right where I had formerly laid, apparently planning to crush me underfoot.

I scrambled to my hands and knees, pushing up and away from the krogan to get back on my feet. The krogan was slightly faster, however, and gave me a solid kick to the gut that sent me spinning through the air once again. The entire area erupted into gunfire then, as the entire regiment came under attack by geth reinforcements.

Over my radio, I heard Alenko's irreconcilably calm voice—of course, he wasn't here to know the desperation of my situation. “Bomb is in position, we're all set here.”

Suddenly, I had the clarity of mind to get on the radio myself, even as I was spread out on the ground again. I wheezed only once before managing, “Commander, do you read me?”

Shepard replied, “The nuke is in position. Get to the rendezvous point immediately.”

The krogan tromped up to me and grabbed me by the neck. I was reminded of how Wrex had grabbed me on the ship, but this was different. This krogan had no qualms about breaking my neck, and I knew for a fact he meant to kill me. The fear sharpened the pain, and I was convinced this pain was much worse than anything Wrex had ever done to me, however briefly. The krogan hauled me to my feet, making me face him.

I caught him with an unexpected uppercut and a kick to his wound; he underestimated my skill and speed. I forced myself free while shock loosened his grasp. He growled and charged at me. I sidestepped and grabbed for the krogan's cheek, if you could call it that, and pulled on it, forcing the krogan to spin around as he went past me. My gloved hand dug into his soft flesh at the corner of his mouth and was coated with his blood. I pressed the advantage, knowing actions were always faster than reactions, and I'd forced him into a situation where he was still reacting. I punched him right in the eye with my free hand, simultaneously letting go of his mouth so he could stumble away from me and open up some distance.

He did just as I expected, stumbling to his right a few steps before regaining his balance. His eye was bruised and closing, and would probably swell shut on him for the time being. On the radio, I called out, “Negative, negative! The geth have us pinned down on the AA tower. We've taken heavy casualties. We'll never make the rendezvous point.”

“Get them out of there, Joker, now!” Shepard ordered. With Garrus, Wrex, and Fireteam One standing by on board the frigate, the ship would provide strong reinforcement for my position. However, the ship was a big target, and the geth would be only too happy to have a chance to shoot at the bridge while it was largely stationary and lacking kinetic barriers.

I countermanded the order immediately. “Negative, it's too hot. You can't risk it. We'll hold them off as long as we can.” It was then my radio was enveloped in static and interference—a specialized geth jamming signal.

I didn't know what to do next, if I should grab my knife and fight hand-to-hand some more or not, but my instincts told me to run away and open up more space on the krogan, who had recovered from my assault. The krogan bent over and picked up my assault rifle. I moved to run, thinking he would take aim and fire at me. Instead, the krogan picked it up and whipped the weapon right from where it lay on the ground straight at me. The rifle flew through the air faster than I could move, catching me on my left side beneath my arm. I crumpled into the weapon, hurt from the unbelievably powerful impact. My weapon fell somewhere; I didn't know where. I fell to the ground myself, spitting out blood as I nicked my tongue with my teeth.

“Fuck,” I interjected weakly, trying to catch my breath and realizing how horribly unfair this fight was. Even an injured krogan was more than a match for one human woman who was only a fraction of his weight. The krogan charged me again, so I dove out of the way. He compensated, grabbing one of my arms to keep me from escaping.

“I will crush you like an ant!” The krogan shouted, pulling me face-to-face. His spit landed on my cheek, causing me to wince with disgust.

“Go to hell,” I answered back, spitting my blood all over his face in turn.

The krogan seemed to disappear into a mindless, angry bloodlust then, growling and pulling back one arm. I was afraid he would punch me and break my neck instantly, knowing firsthand how strong the krogan was. Instead, the krogan began to jerk savagely. His arm dropped, and he let me go, turning around to face a salarian who'd shot him in the back. I could see holes in his armor. I pulled my shotgun off my back and shot the krogan in the leg as he attempted to charge the salarian. The krogan stumbled and fell between us. The salarian's weapon was apparently overheated, because he was forced to retreat. I ran up to the krogan and fired more shotgun shells into his back.

He struck out with one arm, attempting to grab me by my feet and yank me down. I managed to avoid his grasp. I fired once more before the shotgun overheated, and then retreated to cover because geth were firing at me while I was standing exposed next to the krogan. The krogan, however, never made it back to his feet as he bled out where he lay, his entire back looking like it'd been mauled open.

I made it to safety behind a metal box that enclosed an air conditioner, with fans on top to pull the air through it. Unfortunately, I was pinned down near the other salarians, and the shotgun didn't have the range to be effective against the geth. I glanced around for a fallen assault rifle; it didn't even have to be mine. None were within grasp of where I was covered. I stowed my shotgun and pulled out my pistol; something had to be better than nothing. I leaned out of cover just enough to attempt to shoot a geth sniper, but his kinetic barriers held even as I overheated the weapon.

I pulled back to avoid retribution while the weapon cooled. _Damn it, Ash, think! We've got to get out of here now, we're being sliced apart! Withdraw to a lower level—get off this damned roof!_ I swung around the air conditioner in the opposite way and shot the sniper again, firing just as fast as I could pull the trigger, release it, and pull it again. The weapon bucked against my hands, but I managed to score a few more hits. I ducked as the sniper fired, hearing the bullet strike my cover and ricochet.

I heard the throaty engines of a geth troop transport. I looked up and spied it passing by us on route to the bomb site. _Shit, no! I gotta warn Kaidan!_ I pulled out of cover and bombarded the sniper a third time, finally bringing down his barriers and hitting him square in the head, although it was more luck than skill with the amount of recoil I was experiencing. The comm channel miraculously restored itself then, going quiet. I attempted to warn the others. “Lieutenant, we just spotted a troop transport inbound to your position, over.”

“It's already here, and it's bleeding geth all over the bomb site!” Kaidan replied, distressed.

Shepard came over the radio too. “We're almost to Williams and the salarians. Can you hold them off?”

“Negative, there's too many of them. I'm activating the nuke!”

“What the hell are you doing, Alenko!?” Shepard barked.

“Making sure this bomb goes off, no matter what.” There was a pause, and then the lieutenant added, “It's done, Commander. Go get the Gunnery Chief and get the hell out of here!”

I shook my head negatively. A geth troop transport could hold a lot of soldiers. At least we only had the ones on our roof, as if they weren't enough already. “Belay that, we can take care of ourselves. Go back and get Alenko!” _That's not a guarantee. What if you can't beat them on your own? What if this is your last stand? No! We'll all get out of here! I have not come this far to be stopped now!_

There was no answer from Shepard, so I kept fighting with my pistol and the surviving salarians. We'd taken massive casualties in this renewed assault, and the geth were soon going to overrun my air conditioner, so I withdrew behind a small, one-room building that probably held electrical or communications equipment inside it. It had solid concrete walls, thankfully, that were doing an excellent job at keeping us alive for the moment. There were sixteen geth on the roof with us, and only six of us left, including Kirrahe and myself. The salarian STG regiment was all but erased from the face of Virmire.

One of the remaining salarians had been severely wounded by a bullet to his stomach. I recognized that it was the same salarian whom I'd helped reset his knee. He was holding a cloth to his chest and attempting to control the bleeding as there was no medi-gel readily available, most of it still on the dead salarian soldiers lying all over the roof. He had a pistol lying on the ground next to him, unused. I picked it up and used both of ours, attempting to bolster my attacks, but the recoil and inaccuracy hurt just as much as the extra bullets seemed to help.

Briefly, I thought I heard someone shout over the radio, “No, Liara!” but then it was gone, drowned out by the din of the battle around me. _Liara? Liara what? Did something happen to her!? Fuck no!_ Shepard got on the radio then, “Williams, radio Joker and tell him to meet us at the AA tower.”

“Yes, Commander, I—.” I didn't know what to say, feeling a lump form in my throat. _But what about Liara? What about Kaidan?_

“It's the right choice, Ashley, and you know it!” Kaidan seemed to have read my mind.

Shepard replied with a voice full of regret, “I'm sorry, Kaidan, I had to make a choice.”

Lieutenant Alenko answered calmly, “I understand, Commander. I don't regret a thing.” It felt like they were saying goodbye. I couldn't believe it. _Not the El-Tee, no. He's my superior officer! He's more important! No no no no no! Everything's falling apart; I don't know what to do..._

Over the radio, I did as Shepard had told me, but each word felt wrong. “Joker, we need your reinforcements on the AA tower ASAP. Be careful, this whole area is hot!”

The fight continued throughout the conversation and my private internal doubts; and the geth were slowly advancing on our position. Of the sixteen cybernetic troops, fifteen remained, and it was only a matter of time until they flanked our only cover; we were doomed. Suddenly, I spied purple light emerging from one of the stairwells near the wreaked AA gun, on the opposite side of the geth lines from us. Liara's biotic corona was in full-force around her body as she ran out, heedless of the danger of attracting geth attention while away from cover. I saw a biotic disruption wave fly out from her body and hit two of the geth, knocking them off their feet. I brought both pistols to bear on one of them, hoping to kill it before it could get back up and potentially hurt Liara. _Be careful Liara!! Hide, before they turn around!_ I wanted to yell these thoughts at her, but with the noise of weapon fire and the distance between us, I knew she'd never hear me.

Shepard and Tali emerged from the same place a few moments later. The three covered behind the AA gun's smoking remains and used their position to flank the geth, who found themselves taking fire both ahead and behind their lines. Within minutes, the battle completely changed direction, and the geth were completely wiped out.

 _It's ok,_ s _he's ok, Liara's ok!_ I ventured out, jogging towards Liara, my eyes tearful with thanksgiving. We closed within a half-dozen meters before Liara looked up over my shoulder, and then fell backwards, away from me. I looked around behind me as I ran, wondering what she could have seen, and what was making a strange buzzing sound from behind me.

Saren Arterius was standing atop some kind of hoverboard. He was coming up behind me and had his own biotic corona lit up. A similar disruption wave to Liara's was streaking for me. I caught a significant part of it as I tried to dive to one side. The force threw me into the ground like I'd been hit by a tram and made me roll across the roof. I hit my helmeted head on the ground several times again, jarring me. I became disoriented from the impact and lost track of the sky and the horizon, almost blacking out entirely.

Saren fired off more biotic fields towards Shepard, Tali, and Liara, as the salarians were still covered up, largely injured, and too far away to be an immediate threat. Shepard dove behind some crates. Tali, I assumed, did likewise, but I couldn't find her as my vision returned to normal. My head thundered, and I thought I could feel my gray matter slapping back and forth against my skull—Saren had really rung my bell, more than anyone else had ever managed to do in quite a while. Even the krogan's slams hadn't made me hit my head this hard.

Liara crawled over to where I laid, trying to collect myself. She reached under my left armpit with her left arm, reaching across my chest, just under my neck, and all the way to my right side. She used this uncomfortable grip to pull my back to her chest, and she then slid us both along the ground backwards, pulling me behind some cover with her. I was all but sitting in her lap when she finally came to a rest against a wall, and she continued to hold me a little less tightly to her chest. I tried to get a grip on my pounding head; awareness was slowly returning to me. The roof had a few sections of different heights, and Liara had brought me up against one the the rises, using it to hide us from Saren as he stood on the higher level.

I heard Saren jump off his hoverboard and land on the ground. Then I heard several pistol shots from Shepard's direction, but Saren was completely unfazed by the assault. He advanced slowly on Shepard, only closing enough to be able to converse without shouting. Shepard disappeared behind his crates again.

“This has been an impressive diversion, Shepard. My geth were utterly convinced the salarians were the real threat. Of course, it was all for nothing. I can't let you disrupt what I've accomplished here. You can't possibly understand what's at stake.”

“Why are you doing this?” Shepard implored. Finally feeling well enough, I pushed myself up off of Liara's chest, spinning around slightly to look over the top and see what was going on. Liara moved as well, both of us peeking over the edge.

Saren stood like he feared nothing, right in the middle of the roof. I noticed the hoverboard seemed to be projecting extra kinetic barrier energy around him. I'd never seen technology like this before. “You've seen the vision from the beacon, Shepard. You of all people should understand what the Reapers are capable of. They cannot be stopped. Do not mire yourself in pointless revolt. Do not sacrifice everything for the sake of petty freedoms. The Protheans tried to fight, and they were utterly decimated. Trillions dead. But what if they _had_ bowed before the invaders? Would the Protheans still exist? Is submission not preferable to extinction?”

Shepard scoffed. “Do you really believe the Reapers will let us live?”

“Now you see why I never came forward with this to the Council. We organics are driven by emotion instead of logic. We will fight even when we know we cannot win. But if we work _with_ the Reapers, if we make ourselves useful, think how many lives can be spared! Once I understood this, I joined Sovereign, though I was aware of the—dangers. I had hoped this facility could protect me.”

Shepard knew exactly what Saren was talking about. “You're afraid Sovereign is influencing you. You're afraid he's controlling your thoughts.” With sudden realization, I recalled what Shiala had said about Saren's dreadnought, Sovereign, having the ability to control minds. I had never considered the possibility that Saren wasn't even in control of his own mind-controlling warship. Suddenly, the rogue Spectre seemed even more reckless and dangerous than before.

“I've studied the effects of indoctrination. The more control Sovereign exerts, the less capable the subject becomes. That is my saving grace. Sovereign needs me to find the Conduit. My mind is still my own, for now; but the transformation from ally to servant can be subtle. I will not let it happen to me.”

Shepard wouldn't give up. “Tell me why Sovereign needs the Conduit. Tell me what it is. Maybe we can find a way to stop them.”

“The Conduit is the key to your destruction and my salvation. Sovereign needs my help to find it. That is the only reason I have not been indoctrinated.”

“Why are the geth following Sovereign?”

“They believe Sovereign is some kind of god. The pinnacle of their own evolution; but the reaction of their deity is most telling—it is insulted. Sovereign does not desire the pitiful devotions the geth hurl at it. They are just tools, and no amount of belief on their part will change that. But as tools, they are useful; they will survive the coming invasion. If organic life is to survive, we must also prove useful. We must work _with_ the Reapers.”

Shepard didn't agree. “Sovereign's manipulating you, and you don't even know it! You're already under its power.”

Saren vehemently denied it. “No, Sovereign _needs_ me! If I find the Conduit, I've been promised a reprieve from the inevitable. This is my only hope.”

“Together we can stop Sovereign. We don't have to submit to the Reapers; we can beat them!” Shepard implored.

“I no longer believe that, Shepard. The visions cannot be denied. The Reapers are too powerful. The only hope of survival is to join with them. Sovereign is a machine—it thinks like a machine. If I can prove my value, I become a resource worth maintaining. There is no other logical conclusion.”

Shepard stood up from behind his cover, facing Saren. He pointed an accusatory finger at the turian. “You were a Spectre. You were sworn to defend the galaxy, and then you broke that vow to save yourself!”

Saren growled, retorting, “I'm not doing this for myself! Don't you see!? Sovereign _will_ succeed. It is inevitable. _My_ way is the _only_ way any of us will survive. I'm forging an alliance between us and the Reapers—between organics and machines—and in doing so, I will save more lives than have ever existed! But _you_ would undo my work. _You_ would doom our entire civilization to complete annihilation, and for that, you must die.”

Saren turned and hopped back aboard the hoverboard. It rose into the air, and Saren pulled his assault rifle—or what I assumed was an assault rifle. It seemed to have a micro-grenade launcher at the bottom below the smaller barrel for bullets. Shepard and Tali immediately began attacks of their own, diving to avoid the explosive grenades.

I took stock of my current situation. I had lost both pistols and the assault rifle—that left me with only my sniper rifle and shotgun. Not wanting to risk an up-close-and-personal repeat performance with Saren's heavy-hitting biotics, I pulled the sniper rifle. Liara pulled her pistol. I quietly told her, “I'm moving over there to the other flank. Try your best to cover me until I get into position.”

“Just stay here,” Liara objected.

“No,” I commanded firmly. “This is not a discussion. Now do it. Now!”

I began to run, staying as low as I could, and moved across the roof to another corner, effectively forming a box around Saren with the rest of the _Normandy_ crew. I was wheezing by the time I got into position, and my chest hurt like hell—more than any other injury I'd sustained today. _I must have bruised or broken a rib or two,_ I worried. _I'd better be careful, or I could punch a hole in my own lung._ The four of us poured on the hurt, but Saren's hoverboard gave him a distinct advantage. I tried to shoot it with my sniper rifle, but nothing seemed to penetrate its shields.

Saren biotically shoved Tali, catching her by surprise. I took his distraction with her as my opportunity to fire three shots right at the exhaust of the device, but with no effect. Liara was forced to dive away from an explosive grenade from Saren's weapon, disappearing in a cloud of smoke. Another biotic wave came for me, and I was caught in a biotic stasis, unable to move, only able to watch what happened next.

Saren's hoverboard shot towards Shepard, the only one not currently incapacitated in some way. His hoverboard set down to the ground, and he stepped off. He threw his weapon onto the board, leaving it there. Daniel fired one more burst right at the turian's face before giving up on mass accelerator weapons. He sheathed his weapon, took off his helmet so he could see better, and waited as Saren advanced. Saren threw a right hook that Daniel easily missed. The Spectre came back with his own punch, but Saren had anticipated this, pulling his first punch and now bringing his arm back to block the attack. The turian used this leverage to spin Shepard away, and then sent a left hook to the side of Daniel's face. Daniel stumbled a few steps to his side, and Saren grabbed him by the neck, threatening to strangle him. With one powerful arm, Saren lifted the human right off his feet, holding him over the edge of the roof, with a forty meter drop to the ground below.

Suddenly, one of the bases' alarms went off behind Saren. He turned to look, distracted. As he turned back, Daniel hit him as hard as he could with his right fist. The punch caught him just to the right side of his nose, knocking him back as he instinctively tried to protect his face. Shepard landed right on the edge of the roof, but he was right where he needed to be. He pulled his shotgun to fill the traitor with a shell at point-blank range, but Saren was already withdrawing to his hoverboard and took off into the sky before Shepard could get the weapon off his back and aimed properly. Saren disappeared out of sight just as the _Normandy_ flew over our heads. I felt the stasis wear off me, and Tali and Liara both finally appeared where I could see them.

The four of us quickly assembled with the few salarian survivors in the middle of the roof. I recovered a pistol along with one of the geth's assault rifles. Joker set the mako bay door precisely on the roof while still keeping the ship hovering in the air. The ramp ground out a painful scraping sound as the winds caused the _Normandy_ to move slightly to port instead of remaining still.

Garrus and Wrex jumped down to the roof with us, quickly running to help the injured salarians reach the ship. Fireteam One covered everyone while standing on the edges of the ramp. We quickly got up the ramp and inside the mako bay. The door began to close behind us, and the _Normandy_ lifted up, gaining altitude rapidly. I collapsed to the floor from the sudden pitch of the ship. The force of acceleration combined with my injuries meant I simply couldn't fight gravity any more. I laid there on the ground, utterly defeated.

Over the comm, I heard Joker warn everybody, “It's going to be tight! Hang on!”

Only moments later I felt a tremble that grew into massive turbulence. Something powerful was shaking the _Normandy_ like a leaf in the wind. _I don't think we're going to make it,_ I feared. A few moments later, it smoothed out into even flying. Joker updated us, “We've outrun the blast. The bomb has detonated. Saren's base was destroyed.”

Accomplishing a difficult mission usually elicited some kind of cheer among marines, but none of us did much beyond grunt with approval. I coughed, my chest hurting me enough to making breathing difficult. I laid my head down on the metal floor and groaned in pain. Liara came over. I tried to get up to see if she was ok, but she grabbed each of my shoulders and gently held me down.

“Don't move,” she warned me. “You've been hurt.”

“Are you ok?” I tried to ask her, but it came out more a mumble than anything. I groaned again, my brow furrowing. “Oww.”

“I'm fine. Just stay still. Don't try to talk. I'll get Doctor Chakwas.”

“Medical emergency in the mako bay,” I heard a crewman shout. I let my head roll just enough that I could see Liara standing, upside down in my perspective. She looked healthy. _If that bastard had hit Liara with a grenade—there's no telling what I would have done to him, injured or not!_ I thought indignantly to myself.

A backboard was brought in, and used to secure me without moving me more than necessary. I let the medical personnel do their work. Liara remained by my side, holding me hand, squeezing it to encourage me, I assumed. Soon I was lifted up into the air, and Liara's hand was forced to let go of mine. I wanted her to stay close, but I didn't want to try to talk right now, so I simply closed my eyes, tired.

() () () () ()

When I woke up, nobody noticed. I could tell my armor was gone, and I was probably in a hospital gown. I wondered what could have been so critical that they needed to remove my armor, but then I remembered the pain in my chest. _Of course. I've probably slept through a whole battery of tests._

In any case, I was safe, Liara was presumably safe, and I'd apparently been cared for by the doctor and her staff. I didn't need to tie them up just because I was _awake;_ I could wait for a real emergency. I looked around. Shepard was asleep to one side of me, on a bed of his own. He was dressed in a _Normandy_ command uniform. For some reason, his bicep looked unusually lean and muscular. Beyond him, I lifted my head to check for more, spotting that one salarian again. I was glad he seemed to be hanging in there. I didn't see Tali or Liara. _Perhaps they're uninjured, then. That's good news, right?_

 _Yes, but still, where is she? I have to see her for myself. I have to be sure. Saren did a number on all of us._ I laid back down, checking myself over. I didn't see anything attached to me, IV or otherwise. I was probably safe to move, if I did it slowly...

As I shifted my legs in preparation of sitting up, Doctor Chakwas came up to my bedside. “Good evening, Chief. I see you've managed to end up in one of my beds again.”

“Ugh,” I groaned. “Go away,”

Chakwas brushed it off. “Ah, but this is one for the record books, though. Concussion, one broken rib, three more cracked, bruising, and some internal injuries. You've really been through the ringer this time, I'm afraid.”

“What? What do you mean?” I asked, suspicious.

“I mean you're off duty to heal—for at least a month.”

“A month,” I spit out, appalled. “What?! But Saren—we almost _had_ him!”

At this same moment, Liara happened to enter the medical bay. She must have heard me, because she corrected my statement as she walked up to the doctor and I. “More like _he_ almost had _us,_ Ash. We were lucky to make it off Virmire alive.”

I grimaced, failing to notice what she called me because of my distraction with a very sobering reality. “Not all of us.”

“No, not all of us,” Liara agreed quietly. Even Chakwas looked quite contrite. “Wrex and Garrus said the last they saw of him was when he was taking the bomb off the ship. They had to stay with the ship so they could be inserted as reinforcements wherever they were needed.”

I nodded once. _If they'd been with Kaidan, they'd probably be dead too. There was no time to collect both groups, not once the nuke was activated._ “When's the memorial service?” I asked.

“Mr. Pressley has not said,” Liara told me. “I think he's waiting for Shepard to be discharged from here.”

“What's wrong with him?” I asked. “Shepard,” I clarified.

Chakwas answered for me. “He took one GSW to the chest and broke his wrist when he fell on the roof. He's also a little bit dehydrated.”

“He fell?” I asked, wracking my brain in an attempt to remember it happening. “I didn't even see it happen.” This realization bothered me. _He's my CO; I'm supposed to be looking out for him!_

Chakwas interceded, “Regardless, it happened. He's resting. As soon as we're certain there's been no latent infection to his wound, we'll discharge him.”

“What a horrible mission,” I mumbled.

“Virmire has changed everything,” Liara added. “As Shadow team, we discovered another Prothean beacon, just like the one on Eden Prime. Shepard used it and now has the entire vision in his mind. He says it's longer than the one on Eden Prime was—he is virtually certain that Eden Prime was fragmented and incomplete from its state of disrepair. This might explain why up until today Shepard still couldn't understand the vision fully. Unfortunately, this also means Saren likely has had the complete vision as well, and we don't know how far ahead of us he is on finding the Conduit. As soon as Shepard is able, I am going to join our minds and attempt to decipher its location, Saren's next destination.”

I shook my head. “Great news,” I stated sourly.

“I'll leave you two be,” Chakwas volunteered, “but Ashley, you must remain in bed. The repairs to your ribs will be slow; it will take approximately 6 weeks to heal fully, probably more. Also, I know it hurts to breathe right now, but you need to take a deep breath at least once an hour. Ok?”

I sucked in as much air as I could to prove the point, but the pain was prevalent. I breathed it out again quickly. “Ok.”

“That was a little weak, soldier. Give it another try later,” she advised before disappearing.

 _A little weak? That hurt like hell!_ I wanted to sigh dramatically, but I simply didn't have the lung capacity to do it with the pain inhibiting my breathing. Trying to distract myself from my unrelenting state of discomfort in my own chest, I asked quietly, “What about you, Liara? Are you really ok?”

“I am fine,” she answered. “The armor you picked out with me worked very well. It deflected the fast-moving rocks and sharp debris, as well as more than a couple bullets.” She smiled at me.

“Good, I'm glad,” I answered. “A whole month? Can you believe that? That's crap.”

Liara shook her head. “Oh no, I'm not about to let you push this onto me. You're staying in here, and you're taking the time you need to heal.”

“Thanks for the support,” I replied sarcastically.

“Honestly, Ash,” Liara sighed, “you must be in some pain to be so grouchy.”

I warmed upon hearing her say my name. _Well, she's got a point there, I suppose. I_ am _being a little short with everybody since I woke up._ “Sorry.”

“It's fine,” she answered. “Just stay here and get better. That is all I want.”

“Ok. What else happened to you and your team? Just the beacon?”

“Before the beacon, we found many salarians actively defending the base against us. They were indoctrinated, naturally, and their lives were now completely under Saren's employ. We had to fight off and kill them along with geth and krogan that we came across. As Shiala seemed to suggest, indoctrination is a slow process that takes weeks to fully complete its task. There were cells where the salarians were kept until the indoctrination was complete. The worst exposed that we found were inactive, inanimate husks. They didn't do anything at all but stand or shuffle aimlessly; they didn't even seem to see us. Saren had cells with different levels of indoctrination. He was researching Sovereign's ability.

“Moments after Shepard used the beacon, we saw a VI interface activate. We thought it was a VI at first, but we soon realized we were talking to Sovereign, the ship. The ship _is_ a Reaper, Ashley.”

“What?” I asked, surprised.

“It's alive. I don't know how, but you should have heard it talk. It was frightening how calmly it talked about ushering in the genocide of every space-faring species in this galaxy.”

“That doesn't sound good,” I whispered to myself. “Why is it doing this? What does a spaceship have to gain from killing us?”

Liara paused. “Calling it a 'spaceship' is an understatement. I was recording Shepard and the beacon on my omni-tool right before we met Sovereign. It was still recording as we conversed. If you wish, I could transfer the file to your omni-tool and allow you to watch it.”

“I'd like that,” I agreed. “I need to meet this Reaper. I have to know what we're up against.”

“Just promise me you'll stay in bed and take it easy.”

“Ok, Liara, I promise.” I rolled my eyes disparagingly.

She gave me a firm look before deciding from my answering look that I would reluctantly comply. “Here's the file,” she answered simply, before bending over me to kiss me lightly on the forehead. After she left, I hurriedly engaged my omni-tool. I opened up the new file she'd sent to me, and my omni-tool's holographics modified themselves to display the video for me.

() () () () ()

A deep voice boomed, holding more power and malice than even Wrex could manage. I could hear its synthetic qualities, and they only added to its nasty intonations. “You are not Saren.” _It_ is _the ship—the ship I saw on Eden Prime! To think, at the time, I had no idea it was alive, or that it could brainwash me if I stayed exposed to its power—I'm fortunate I know all this now, and can try to avoid it. If I had boarded it on Eden Prime, attempting to stop them—I would be dead, a pawn in a game of chess that spans this entire galaxy._

“What is that, some kind of VI interface?” I recognized Liara's voice.

“Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh. You touch my mind, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding.”

“I don't think this is a VI.” Tali seemed very worried.

“There is a realm of existence so far beyond your own you cannot even imagine it. I am beyond your comprehension. I am Sovereign.”

“Sovereign isn't just some Reaper ship Saren found—it's an actual Reaper!” Shepard was amazed and stunned by the weight of his discovery.

“Reaper? A label created by the Protheans to give voice to their destruction. In the end, what they chose to call us is irrelevant. We simply are.”

Liara objected, “The Protheans vanished 50,000 years ago. You couldn't have been there.”

“Organic life is nothing but a genetic mutation. An accident. Your lives are measured in years and decades. You wither and die. We are eternal—the pinnacle of evolution and existence. Before us, _you_ are nothing. Your extinction is inevitable. We are the end of everything.”

“There is an entire galaxy of races united and ready to fight against you,” Shepard attempted to intimidate him. I watched him closely, thinking to myself, _He's bluffing, but he's doing it quite well. The Council hasn't said they even believe in the Reapers yet._

“Confidence born of ignorance. The cycle cannot be broken.” Sovereign was utterly self-assured.

“Cycle? What cycle?” Tali asked.

“The pattern has repeated itself more times than you can fathom. Organic civilizations rise, evolve, advance, and at the apex of their glory, they are extinguished. The Protheans were not the first. They did not create the Citadel. They did not forge the mass relays. They merely found them, the legacy of my kind.”

“Why would you construct the mass relays, and then leave them for someone else to find?” Liara puzzled.

“Your civilization is based on the technology of the mass relays. _Our_ technology. By using it, your society develops along the paths we desire. We impose order on the chaos of organic evolution. You exist because we allow it, and you will end because we demand it.”

“They're harvesting us! They're here to wipe us out!” Shepard was appalled. “Where are the rest of the Reapers? Are you the last of your kind?”

“We are legion. The time of our return is coming. Our numbers will darken the sky of every world. You cannot escape your doom.”

Shepard refused to show fear. “You're not even alive; not really. You're just a machine, and machines can be broken!”

Sovereign's size seemed to grow, as if he was looming a little closer to Shepard. His cold, faceless hull could never show emotions, which fit the utterly emotionless mind behind it perfectly. I felt a lump form in my throat as I waited for his final parting words. “Your words are as empty as your future. _I_ am the vanguard of your destruction. This exchange is over.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

 

We gathered in the comm room far quieter than ever before, even quieter than the first meetings when we didn't know each other at all. Shepard had his wrist in a cast, and he played with a frayed edge silently while we gathered. I looked at the faces on all my teammates as I stood about in the middle of the circle. With the exception of Tali, I could see morose lines in everyone's faces. The quarian did seem to be slouching a little, which served the same purpose.

I took a seat next to Liara and wished the chairs were a little closer so I could have reached in order to grab her hand. I needed physical support to avoid fixating on the harsh truth: There were seven seats—and only six occupants. We all gave a long look at the empty chair, lost in our private thoughts. I waited for someone to speak, especially Shepard, but no one seemed to have the courage. The silence stretched a few minutes longer.

Finally, I couldn't take the quiet any longer. “I can't believe he's gone. That we would leave him there.” I wanted to explode right then and there, so I leaned forward and propped myself up on my own knees, squeezing my eyes closed as I hung my head and tried to tamp down the rage. Rage at Saren, rage at the geth, rage at Shepard—even rage at myself; I was creature filled with rage.

“There was no time. We couldn't save you both. I had to make a choice.”

I looked up at Shepard's words and stood, sneering. He stood as well, not afraid and not backing down. “It should have been _me_ , Commander!” I was surprised at how calm my voice sounded—almost alien to me. There was an urgency, but no excess of volume. Liara gasped at my words, shocked. “Alenko was a superior officer. I would have gladly stayed behind!” I had no doubt of this in my mind—if the decision had gone the other way, I would have accepted it and fought to my dying breath. It was the way things should be; the higher ranked officers were more essential than those below them. _Why did Kaidan die?_

Shepard's tone became angry. “How far are you willing to go, Williams? Are you really asking to be made a martyr to restore your grandfather's honor?”

I could imagine myself wringing Shepard's neck until he collapsed to the ground. My hands and arms shook as I fought to keep them down, but they came up of their own accord. I felt a slender arm reach around me and grab a hold of my uniform, barring my advancement. “How dare you, you fucking bastard!” I shouted at him, my voice strained at the effort required.

Liara pulled me back. She maneuvered me back to my chair and pushed me into it. “Calm down, Ashley. This isn't helping.” Despite her obvious care as she handled me, the pressure she had applied still hurt my chest, making it harder to breathe.

“No, it's not,” I agreed disgustedly. I tore my eyes away from the Commander and stared hard at another wall. Liara waited for me to do as she asked before finally reclaiming her seat. Commander Shepard was still standing, and silence reigned supreme.

“I think we're all more than a little upset here,” Shepard began, “but if we want Kaidan's death to have real meaning, then we need to stop Sovereign, plain and simple. We cannot allow this cycle of extinction to come around on us. I will die before I let that Reaper reach the Conduit and usher in our annihilation.

“We know the location of the Conduit—or at least I think we do. Liara, I want you to join our minds. Review the new vision yourself. I think I can see the very planet this device is on, but I've never seen it before. I need to know if you recognize it.”

Liara stood and approached the Commander. Warily, I watched her stare him in the eyes. “Try to relax, Commander. Let go of your physical body and reach out to grasp the threads that bind us, one to another. Every idea must touch another mind to live. We are all connected, every living being in a single rapturous whole. Open yourself to the universe, Commander. Embrace eternity!”

Liara closed her eyes as she looked up at the ceiling briefly. When her head snapped back down towards Shepard, she opened her eyes, and they had changed, becoming entirely black with the faintest silver highlights that marked her irises. Her eyes seemed to bore straight ahead and into Shepard's mind and his own eyes snapped shut. His brow wrinkled with exertion. They stood like this, unmoving. I watched their erratic breathing settle down into a synchronous rhythm. _As in tune as two people can get,_ I mused unhappily. My face was warm for a different reason now—complete jealousy. I wanted to kick him in the knees, shove him aside, and take his place, even though intellectually I knew this was important—far more important than me.

Untold minutes passed before suddenly Liara began blinking rapidly. Her eyes changed back to their normal white and blue. She took a step back as if she'd been slapped. “Oh!” she called out, surprised. I bounded to her side immediately, one arm snaking around the small of her back while the other grabbed her elbow. I held her to keep her from falling. She recovered and balanced her weight again.

“I saw it—the vision was so powerful, so incredible—I have never before in my life experienced something like this.”

“Did you see the Conduit? The planet?” Shepard brought her back on task.

I guided her to her seat, annoyed at Shepard's persistence. “Pardon, _Sir_ , but give her a minute to recover!” I sniped.

“Give me lip one more time, Chief, and you will be suspended.” Shepard growled, impatient.

Liara intervened by answering the question.“Enough! I'm fine, but Shepard's mind is so strong, and I am not very experienced at melding with other species; it was very difficult for me to meld with him. Yes, I did see the planet. I saw images—of places I've seen from my research. The beacon is a recorded warning about the Reapers, cataloging their systematic annihilation of Prothean worlds. The message must have been sent after the Reapers left, as a few survivors tried to find others. I saw Ilos. Ilos? It has to be. The Conduit is on Ilos. The beacon says Ilos is safe; it asks the survivors to gather there.”

“Where?” I asked, confused. I'd never heard of a planet called Ilos.

Shepard shrugged. “I'm not familiar with it.”

Garrus interceded. “Ilos was a planet that the Protheans must have colonized during their reign. It was given a preliminary scanning by an asari research vessel thousands of years ago. They found nothing of value, so they left. No one can get to Ilos now, though. The Mu Relay is the only primary Mass Relay that links to Ilos, and it was lost nearly four thousand years ago.”

“You lost a Relay?” I asked, completely baffled. “Is this the same bullshit don't-touch-unknown-relays policy?”

“No,” Garrus answered, bristling. We both knew the Citadel's stance on activating Relays that lead to unknown locations, and we both knew that was the cause of the First Contact War between the humans and turians.

I couldn't restrain my combativeness one iota. “Really? Then how do you explain 'losing' something that doesn't propel itself and is bigger than a freaking _dreadnought_?!”

“You misunderstand,” Liara told me, trying to keep us on topic. “The Relay was in a solar system near a dying companion star over four thousand years ago. The companion star went supernova and exploded. Sensor records indicate the Mu Relay was pushed out of its orbit by the explosion but appeared unharmed. It was swiftly enveloped into an ever-expanding cloud of hot gas and dust, making tracking its course impossible.”

“The rachni probably found it,” Wrex added. “They were extremely territorial creatures with incredible numbers and population birth rates. When the asari and salarians discovered the rachni by opening a relay, they sparked a war with the xenophobic bugs. The rachni would have wanted to watch every possible point of entry into their space, as they are just as territorial as the krogan are. During the war, one of the Citadel patrols briefly observed them using their tremendous numbers to search patiently for the Mu Relay. If anyone could have found the Mu Relay, it's the rachni. However, we killed all the rachni—from every colony to their very homeworld—so there is no one left to divulge the location, time, and trajectory.”

“If there's one thing I've learned from working in C-Sec,” Garrus countered, “it's that data is easy to record and hard to erase. Somewhere there's always footprints left behind. There are always pieces that are missed by the purge. If there's no other way to the Conduit, then Saren's going to look for the Mu Relay next. If it was found once, it can be found again, and it might not even require him to physically search for it. All he needs is the rachni's data.”

“So we still need to find him and stop him before he gets lucky,” I concluded.

Shepard agreed with one nod. “I want to start looking into everything we know about the rachni during the war. Find anything we can between them and the Mu Relay. We've got to hurry—the moment he finds the Relay, he'll use it and make his way to Ilos. I will not let him beat me there. Understood?”

There was a chorus of affirmations. I stood and waited for the others to leave. Liara waited beside me, wanting me to leave alongside her. I shook my head and indicated I wanted her to leave as well. She gave Shepard and I a concerned look before leaving.

I spun tightly on heel and toe until I faced him. “Sir, permission to speak freely.”

“Yes, Chief?” Shepard asked, resigned.

I gave him a hard and angry look, unable to stop the stitching of my brow or the tightening of the corners of my mouth. “Don't you ever bring up my grandfather again, you fucking bastard.”

“Get a grip, soldier!” Shepard demanded harshly, his eyes searing hot as they glared at me. “Now, I've been pretty accepting considering everything that you've got following you around, but I need you to keep yourself under control!”

“Oh!? And how am I neglecting to do that?” I asked hotly.

“What was that on the roof, hmm? You were running without cover straight for Liara. That was half-cocked and stupid. Saren should have killed you right then and there. You're lucky he wanted to suppress us, talk to me, and convince me that he was right.

“I don't know what exactly has been going around in your head lately, but I think you need to find your perspective back ASAP. If you want to be buddy-buddy with Liara, fine, just don't let it cloud your judgment in the field!”

“There's nothing wrong with my judgment! Saren came from behind and caught me off guard!”

Shepard scoffed. “If you keep making excuses eventually _you_ will be KIA.”

I bristled at the implied threat. “It's not an excuse; it's reality. I know how important this mission is, and I'm willing to put the mission first and foremost in front of everything. That still doesn't mean I'm invincible.”

“Invincible? Should I mention the laundry list of injuries from our last mission? Serious injuries, too. Concussion. Broken ribs. Hell, I've got a broken wrist and a gunshot wound. Then there's the salarians and the heavy casualties they took. Need I go on?”

“I performed all my duties on Virmire in a professional manner, in the highest keeping with the Alliance and the Marines. Injuries are a hazard of duty,” I defended.

“And what about Alenko!?” Shepard shouted. “Did he suffer an unfortunate 'hazard of duty' too?”

There it was. Full circle, now we were back to the lieutenant. Lowly, I dared him, “What are you really saying, Commander?”

“Nothing,” Shepard growled hotly. “Except that it is kind of suspicious that as you have gotten cozy with Doctor T'Soni our missions have started taking more casualties. Maybe your attention isn't where it should be. It's plausible, don't you think?”

I felt like I'd been punched in the solar plexus, barely able to irk out, “You think _my private life_ killed Kaidan?!”

“Did it?”

I bared my teeth at him and largely spoke through them. “You are one hundred percent the worst asshole I have ever met.”

“Like I give a damn what you say,” Shepard's voice cooled. “It doesn't change the fact that I lost one of my best officers out there. Your inability to complete your objectives meant _I_ had to come save you instead of reinforcing Kaidan's position.”

 _That's a lie!_ “We had to attract the entirety of the base's attention to be your diversion, but our objective was _still_ achieved for several minutes before I called for assistance,” I reminded him. “We cleared the way for the _Normandy_ to deliver the bomb without your help, despite taking heavy casualties and trying to maintain an effective chain of command. If you think I'm that awful of an excuse for an officer, then you should have left me to die. You didn't have to come for me. You _chose_ to.”

“Fuck choices! What kind of a choice is it, to choose between two officers in my command and let the other one die! There's no victory; there's only failure! I won't tolerate failure!”

“I see, so it's my fault for putting you in that position, is it? Well, I guess that means we're _both_ so _very_ sorry you had to be the one to save me, Sir.”

Shepard spun around abruptly, kicking one of the chairs with a loud bang, causing it to spin in place. “Dammit Ashley!”

“What?!” I shouted back. “You're acting like I wanted to kill him. News flash, Commander, Alenko and I got along _just fine_ , and I doubt you feel even half as shitty about this as I do!”

“Fuck you!” Shepard exploded.

The silence that descended quickly between us was so thick a disruptor torpedo couldn't have cut through it. We both stared off to one side or another, avoiding looking at each other entirely. My hands were shaking again, but this time, I didn't need Liara to remind me that I needed to control myself. When I started visualizing myself assaulting a superior officer, I knew I was one tiny step away from letting things go too far.

“This is stupid,” Shepard reproached. “I _want_ to be mad at you, blame you.” He shook his head in disbelief. “I haven't felt like this in years. Not since Torfan, when I swore I'd never let deaths under my command get to me again.”

It took some time for either of us to speak again, but eventually Shepard continued right where he'd left off, his voice listless. “I sent seventy-five percent of my unit to their deaths on Torfan,” he declared simply, “but it had to be done. I always knew these things could and would continue to happen, but I thought I was ok with that. I was doing what was necessary, and that was the most important thing.

“On Virmire, I saw all the darkest parts of myself in Saren's warped mind. He thought he was saving lives with drastic measures—and that's what Spectres are called to do. I wouldn't have allowed myself to become a Spectre if I didn't think I could do that. Yet, he was doing it because it was _necessary_ , not because he wanted to—not because he had been coerced to, at least, not at first. I'm sure Sovereign's worked his brain over at least a little by now, but that first choice was his. He sought out the Reaper and allied with it.

“Now I don't know what to think about myself,” Daniel admitted. “Because I honestly wonder if we're all that different. We both do what we think is necessary. The Reapers built the damned _Relays_ , Ashley. No one has ever managed such a feat—not the advanced Protheans we all copy our technology from, and certainly not us. They must be extremely powerful, and fighting them, we will be woefully out of our depth. Saren leaves behind scores of bodies in his wake, and it's easy to say he's evil for it. What does that say about me, when I'm doing the same exact thing he is, when my wake has broken, used-up bodies left behind it on places like Virmire?”

“You're nothing like that son of a bitch,” I declared vehemently. “Saren is a self-absorbed megalomaniac. What right did he have to decide we should all surrender and bow to the Reapers? He gave up on the people he was supposed to be protecting because he was scared. Does that sound even remotely like you, Shepard? No. The difference is, you actually _are_ doing something that is necessary. Nobody'd be dead, in Saren's wake or yours, if Saren hadn't gone off the deep end. His initiative is at fault, not yours.”

Shepard considered this. “Jenkins, Alenko, and all the colonists we've come across... They'd all be alive if it wasn't for Saren.”

“Yes, Sir,” I affirmed confidently.

Shepard was quiet for a few moments before muttering darkly, “Then I guess we should stop him.”

“Sir, I am behind this mission and dedicated to seeing him _pay_ for everything he's done.” My words dripped with acid. “I swear it.”

“I shouldn't have ever doubted that, Ashley,” Shepard apologized. “Those things I said earlier—.”

“Forgiven and forgotten, Sir,” I assured him. “And Sir, I never should have said what I did—.”

Interrupting in similar fashion to how I had, Shepard reiterated back at me, “Forgiven and forgotten, Chief.” We stared each other in the eyes, making sure these were more than words between us. “Dismissed,” he added. As I left the comm room, I was a little worried about Shepard, but there was nothing I could do to help him now; he had to wrestle with his own soul, and I had to wrestle with mine.

Captain Kirrahe and the soldier I remembered the most from Aeghor intercepted me while I was walking past the elevator. I addressed them rather awkwardly, yet thankful for their timely distraction, “Kirrahe. Soldier, I know we fought together, and I even helped fix your leg, but I never learned your name.”

The salarian beside Kirrahe seemed amused. “Names aren't as important or powerful as ideas anyway, Chief Williams, but my name is Raligh. I wanted the opportunity to thank you for helping me on the surface. Your leadership was inspirational, and I will not forget our battles together.”

I returned the compliment. “A leader is only as good as the team behind her, Raligh. Your unit fought tenaciously.” I nodded respectfully to them both.

Kirrahe spoke next, “Chief Williams, I wanted to stop by and deliver my condolences at the passing of one of your own.”

“I as well,” Raligh added.

I nodded. “Thank you, I'm sure Lieutenant Alenko would be glad to know we're still here because of him. I should add that I'm sorry for the loss of so many in your regiment. It must be pretty shocking to lose so many friends.”

“It is,” Kirrahe confirmed, “but it was not unexpected, and there is solace in knowing that they served with distinction and valor to the very end. There may yet be legends told of their sacrifice—without names, of course.”

I smiled briefly at hearing that, reminded of Kirrahe's speech on Virmire. I wondered what name they would receive instead, and reflected on how difficult it would be to capture their indomitable spirit with it. Changing the topic, I asked, “What's next for you?”

Kirrahe answered, “We're going to transfer to a salarian vessel that will take us home.”

“I'm jealous,” I told them. “I wish I could say the same. I miss my family.”

“Keep fighting as smart and tenaciously as you did on Virmire,” Raligh told me, “and it won't take long to put this whole sordid tale behind you. Goodbye, Chief Williams.”

“Goodbye, Raligh. Goodbye, Captain Kirrahe.”

Kirrahe and Raligh each bowed their heads slightly in my direction before they turned and left the med bay. I was left there with a sense that I didn't know what I was feeling about Virmire; everything was mixed together in a knot of emotion I couldn't untangle. I knew Liara would be in her lab, and since it was so close, I went there as my first stop. As the doors isolated us from the rest of the crew, I greeted her with open arms.“Hey.”

Liara gladly stepped into my arms, careful not to pressure my healing ribs. “Hey,” she breathed back to me. “Are you ok? You look terrible.”

I shook my head, confessing only to her, “I can't get past the feeling that it's my fault. Like I should have seen another answer, another way to the rendezvous point, so you didn't have to come save me.”

“You could second-guess yourself forever, until even the smallest choices are insurmountable hurdles. The first step towards real healing is admitting that there was nothing you could do,” Liara whispered, resting her head on my shoulder, face turned towards mine. “There was so little time. I was scared you would be taken from me today.”

My voice was low as I whispered a secret. “I was afraid it would be you instead.”

Silence descended around us for a long while, each of us caught up in our thoughts. Finally, I told her what I was thinking. “I can't take much more of this, Liara. Who's next? What if it's you? It kills me just to think about it. You're the only person I can really talk to, the only person I can trust with anything. I—need you. I used to think I didn’t need anybody, but it isn’t true! I can't do this alone!”

Liara lifted her head, straightening enough that she could look me in the eyes. She cradled my cheek in one hand, stroking just beneath my ear while her thumb rubbed across my cheek. I leaned into her, wanting her warm and comforting touch more than anything. “I'm right here,” she reminded me, “and I'm not going anywhere. You are a strong person for enduring the things you have, and you shouldn't ever doubt yourself. I don't. I believe you can handle anything life throws at you, and you can thrive.”

“I’m not so sure.” I told her. “I used to think that way, but things are different here.”

“Then you should listen to me,” Liara stated confidently, “because I know you. Ash, you are no stranger to risk and loss. You can accept it and move on with your life, just like you've done many times before.”

“Maybe, but I don't want to lose _you_.” I reached up with my hands and pulled her hand away from my face, cupping it between mine. I looked away from Liara, trying to stop myself from getting distracted as I tried to find the words that were nagging at the edges of my consciousness, unable to find their way out. I just couldn't put my thoughts together coherently, and it was mildly frustrating. “I don't know how else to put it,” I puffed out eventually.

Liara's hand slid free, and she placed it over my heart and bowed her head towards me. I could see tears gathering in her eyes before she could hide them. “You don’t have to try because I understand, and I feel the same way about you.”

My heart fluttered with gratitude at her words, stealing away all voice, reason, and thought but for one. I wanted her. I wanted her so badly that the space between us was causing me physical pain. My heart was thundering in my chest, and it felt like it was being yanked out of my chest trying to get to her.

I leaned forward and she copied me inch for inch until our eyes both slid closed, and I captured her lips with mine, the only meaningful communication left in me. She was as warm and soft as ever, and the pain left only ecstasy behind as I gave myself over to the sensations she brought about in me. I thought I might have moaned into her mouth as we kissed, but it might have been either one or even both of us. As the kiss ended and I pulled back, I opened my eyes and saw her smiling at me. I couldn't help but smile back at her, knowing the most important part of this was that she was still here, supporting me during this dark time.

I wanted her to be that pillar for me forever.

() () () () ()

I stood in my mess dress along with the entirety of the _Normandy_ crew. Shepard had requested an Admiral come to conduct the service and address the crew, but his request was refused. The brass were too busy to send one of their own for a lone soldier's funeral; I saw no one above the rank of captain in attendance. We were gathered in an empty but sunny park on the Citadel. There were trees, manicured grass, and a bright blue sky above us. The Presidium's trademark slight breeze ruffled through the plant life, creating a calming white noise in the atmosphere. Far removed, a few spectators would take a minute or two to observe us before continuing along.

We were lined up in rank and file, separated into two major groups; marines stood on the left side of a center isle, and crew to the right. Those not strictly belonging to either group—Garrus, Liara, Tali, and Wrex, specifically—were sitting together as the only invited guests to the ceremony. They sat to the right, facing ninety degrees opposed to the rest of the crew, so we were all focused on the same thing before us, a display stand with Kaidan's photograph, flanked by flowers of all kinds. There were some candles on it too, possibly incense, but I was too far away to really smell it.

Corporal Dennon, his fireteam, and I stood on the opposite side of the display stand from our guests, but in formation with each other. Boxing in the fourth side of Kaidan's display, there was a wide but shallow stage set up with places for Captain Anderson, Commander Shepard, and Commander Pressley.

I knew from the planning process I'd participated in that the three would each take an opportunity to speak in order of rank. I hadn't seen Captain Anderson since Shepard's promotion to Commanding Officer of the _Normandy_. Briefly, I was distracted, wondering where he'd been keeping himself on the Citadel, and what he'd been doing. After he scanned the ranks slowly with a turn of his head, Anderson finally addressed us, speaking into a small microphone placed in a pulpit at the front of center stage.

“Those of us who have dedicated our lives to service in the Systems Alliance are no strangers to the words 'duty' or 'sacrifice'. We live them day in and day out, not because someone asks us to, but because we ask it of ourselves. It takes a rare form of humanity to embody such concepts so fully. Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko was an exemplary officer, and it was my privilege to work alongside him for the short time that I did. No one was more faithful to the oath, a firm believer in everything our Alliance stands for. Humanity is new to the galaxy, and we have had to prove ourselves in the eyes of our spacefaring contemporaries same as they have had to prove themselves to us. It is through the examples of men and women of conviction that our resolve is given physical form in their minds and ours. Lieutenant Alenko ennobled all of us.

“Humanity still has much to prove, to ourselves as well as to others. Kaidan has passed this responsibility on to us all. We must shoulder the same burden he carried so excellently in his time. We shall pick each other up, defend each other to our dying breaths, and we shall be the examples of humanity's achievement in his place. To do anything less would be an injustice to his legacy. We morn his passing, but we cannot forget in our grief that there are forces at work here which go beyond the individual, beyond the surface. I rededicate myself to each of you, to our mission, and to humanity. Kaidan, I will carry your burden for you.”

Anderson took a step back, swiveling in a tight about face, and returned to his seat. There was a respectful silence before anything else was allowed to happen.

Shepard stood and took the pulpit. He also seemed to regard the face of everyone here, one after another, before speaking. “We are all of us risk takers by trade, but that doesn't make this day any easier on us. Alenko is a hero, but what does that mean to any of us? We never met Kaidan the hero. We know Kaidan the man, the friend, the dependable officer we counted on to have our backs. He stood up for what he believed was right. He believed in each of us, too, as we stood beside him. He can no longer be here to lead by example, but he has left his mark on each of us; a mark we will never forget. I rededicate myself to each one of you, to our mission, and to humanity. Kaidan, I will carry your burden for you.”

Shepard also retook his seat, and an even longer silence stretched on between us all. I shifted my weight slightly between my feet, but stood quietly. After a solid minute that felt like eternity, executive officer Pressley stood, and took the pulpit.

“I have worked alongside Lieutenant Alenko for a long time. In that time, I found a kindred spirit, someone who shared my patriotism and dedication to service. There was nothing we valued more than loyalty. I've served the Alliance for over a decade, and still I found myself learning from this younger officer. His migraines could drive him to the floor some days, but he never let it hold him back from his duties. The next day, I would find him at his customary posting, catching up on everything he'd missed from the day before, as well as keeping abreast of the new responsibilities of the day.

“Over time I learned that he had a passion for people. He knew us all by name. He helped elevate each of us, making us all the best we could be. His life and actions proved to me that he knew what command was really about: people. People like you are the ones who make our Alliance work. We are a family that depends on each other every day just to survive. It was his responsibility to guide each of you to be your absolute best, and to bring you closer to each other as a family. I rededicate myself to each of you, to the mission, and to humanity. Kaidan, I shall carry your burden for you.”

Pressley looked to me and nodded, the signal for my involvement to begin. He returned to his seat, but did not sit down. I could feel my hands getting clammy, but I forced myself to take a deep breath. I faced the fireteam I stood alongside. Everyone stood up together, ready for me to begin.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the Guard, ready arms,” I ordered. My voice was strong, hiding all traces of the nervous energy coiled inside me.

Fireteam One and I were some distance from the attendees. They formed a straight line. At my words, they brought their rifles to an easy stance. The weapons had long barrels and were old, from the era preceding the mass driver of modern weapons. They'd been handed out specially for this ceremony. They were each loaded with blanks and were nonlethal. The weapons worked using a small explosive charge known as gunpowder, making them even louder than modern weapons.

“Aim.” The rifles were pointed into the Citadel's illusionary, but beautiful blue sky.

“Fire.”

 _Crack_ came the sound of the gunpowder weapons, their noise so powerful that my heart skipped a beat in surprise, even though I'd thought I was ready for it. The weapons were lowered back down to chest level, as they needed to be manually cycled between each shot.

“Ready.” The rifles were cocked, a metallic answer as parts moved against parts.

“Aim.” The rifles were brought up to bear again.

“Fire.”

 _Crack_. The explosion of sound seared through me like a red-hot knife, impaling me. _I'm so sorry, Kaidan._

My mouth became dry, but I forced myself to keep the cadence perfect for his sake. He deserved a flawless performance from me, no matter how hard it was not to simply shut down.

“Ready.” The sound of the weapons advancing to the next round filled me with expectation.

“Aim.” Majestically, the weapons pointed to the sky, as if threatening to take it down with their power.

“Fire.”

 _Crack._ I winced, but my tears went unshed. Kaidan knew I would if I could. That was not called for here, however. _Goodbye, Kaidan. I will carry your burden for you._ My heart thudded as I could feel the weight of my promise upon me.

“Order arms,” I called out to the guard. Three rifles were lowered until each sat with the butt against the ground alongside the foot of the soldier carrying it. They held the weapons' barrels in their hands.

Behind the gathered marines and crew of the _SSV Normandy_ , a lone trumpet player began playing the sorrowful notes of Taps, which I knew all too well. I spun on heel and toe until I faced Kaidan's display. I saluted the picture, briefly saddened once again that we couldn't have at least returned with a body to bury. The crew, guests, and speakers all saluted as well.

As Taps came to its drawn-out final notes, I ordered the Guard to leave their weapons propped against the short apparatus sitting on the ground. The three soldiers arranged their weapons in a equilateral triangle, the weapon butts facing out and resting on the ground, while the tips of the barrels crossed each other, forming another, smaller triangle between them.

The soldiers stood straight once the weapons were secured in place, certain to remain in position. Together, the four of us marched to the back of the rest of the crew's formation.

I could recite the words on the display by heart from having stared at them so much today.

 

_Kaidan Alenko_

_2151 – 2183_

_Systems Alliance Lieutenant, Marine Corps._

_Attached to the_ SSV Normandy

_Killed in the line of duty_

_“If there's one thing to make certain to do, make it dying;_

_Immortality takes away all reason to live.”_

() () () () ()

Now that we had returned to the Citadel, Shepard was immediately drawn into meetings with the Council and the human embassy's ambassador, Donnel Udina. It was imperative that Shepard found out, face to face, what the Council knew about the Mu Relay and the rachni. No comm line could be trusted with information this important, no matter what form of military-grade encryption was used. The small chance that Saren could intercept the information was still far too large considering the stakes—gambling with the fate of the galaxy.

Unfortunately, the fact of the matter was that no one had any other leads to track down. The rachni had been dead for thousands of years before humanity even discovered the Prothean technological cache on Mars or the Charon Relay just beyond Pluto's orbit. The Systems Alliance was no help whatsoever. We were entirely dependent on our older allies to help us determine where to go from here and how to find Saren.

If I was still the same person I'd been on Eden Prime, I might have despaired upon learning this. Thankfully I wasn't, and when it crossed my mind, I let the thought go the next moment without worrying about it. It felt really good, actually, to realize how far I'd come.

Commander Shepard had lifted his restrictions on my duties and privileges as an officer just before we arrived. Seeing as the crew had been working nonstop for months and that I needed to spend most of my time compelled to sit down and conserve energy, he decided to grant the crew and I a brief shore leave. Before I left, however, I made sure the whole crew was informed that a counselor and chaplain were available to them if they needed to unload. In my limited experience with there were never many that took up the offer, but I knew how important it must be for those who did. We all needed to find our own closure, and that was universal to all of us.

If it hadn't been for Liara, I believed I would have fallen into despair and convinced myself such closure was beyond my reach. I felt more directly responsible than anyone else with the exception of Shepard. It was Liara's comfort and love that really saved me from myself, time and again.

Shepard told me I could get a bunk from the Systems Alliance that was in the Citadel Wards, section twelve-A. As I walked through crowds of Alliance soldiers, however, I decided that I needed more privacy and I didn't want to stay there, so on an impulse I put up the credits for a rentable room still located within the mammoth Citadel Wards. Upon learning what I'd done, Shepard and Chakwas each came to me separately and advised I take a roommate to check up on me. They were both deeply concerned about me; it was flattering to say the least. I told them I’d think about it to appease them, but made no promises.

I returned briefly to the _Normandy_ so I could pack some clothes and things I would need in my room. Out on the catwalk, I studied the ship's lines as I waited for the elevator that would take me down to the C-Sec Academy checkpoint. For a frigate, the _Normandy_ did look fairly aggressive and dangerous. I reflected on the importance of psychological warfare. It was the only ammunition to continue to see regular use even after the invention of mass driver weapons.

Liara emerged from the airlock just before the elevator doors opened behind me. I waited for her, using a leg and arm to hold the door open. She rushed up and led me into the elevator. As the doors closed and the elevator began to descend, she asked, “Have you decided about bringing in a roommate to this room of yours?”

I scoffed and shook my head. _Of course she found out immediately, probably while walking past Chakwas herself._ “No. The whole reason I'm doing it is to get some peace and quiet. Some privacy. On the ship, we're all walking on top of each other. I need a vacation from that, a chance to recharge, so I'll be ready when we return to the _Normandy._ ”

“I guess I understand that,” Liara replied, sounding disappointed. Her tone livened considerably when she added, “What if I wasn't your roommate, but I still came by every day?”

As I pondered her suggestion, I smiled. “That sounds really nice,” I decided. “But why? Are you worried about me?” I needled her, virtually certain I had her angle pegged.

“Maybe,” she answered offhandedly. “It's really more a favor for me, though.”

My eyebrow raised slightly. This was unexpected. “How so?”

“Well, I am pretty much alone here on the Citadel; I met very few people while doing my solitary research at Prothean dig sites. Most of the people I did meet are archaeologists more like me than not, and the last place they would be is the Citadel. I could use the company desperately.”

I nodded. “When you put it that way, it sounds even better.” I smiled confidently at her, and she somewhat shyly returned it. The elevator came to a stop, and I shifted the weight of my bag on my shoulder. My chest protested weakly, reminding me that I was still weeks away from one hundred percent. “I like doing favors for you,” I confided in her, partially as a distraction from the pain, and partially because I felt a powerful urge to say it.

“How fortunate for me,” Liara quipped back easily, her smile becoming more brilliant. “The Citadel VI can direct me there later if you set me up as permitted.”

I racked my brain briefly for the appropriate steps I'd need to take. If worse came to worse, the VI could probably do it for me if I asked it to. I wasn't exactly savvy on the Citadel VI system and its intricacies; I'd never had a need or opportunity to use it before. Hopefully, it wouldn't be too different from the VI's I used while on garrison postings on our colony worlds.

“I'll get that done soon as I get there,” I promised her.

“Thank you,” Liara replied kindly. “I'll see you in a few hours then.”

“Bye.”  
“Bye,” she reciprocated. I watched her walk to a Citadel Rapid Transit Shuttle and climb inside. The Shuttle left promptly, pulling easily up into the air and joining the rest of the traffic zipping above C-Sec Academy. I followed suit, eager to empty my bag in my own place and stretch out as much as was physically possible.

A few hours later, everything was squared away, and Liara was given access to my information through the Citadel's VI. Since I was at the terminal anyway, I decided to record a vidmail for my sisters. It was only a few days until I had been tentatively scheduled shore leave to rejoin them all on Amaterasu. I was going to have to let them all down gently; I needed to stay at the Citadel so I could board the _Normandy_ with only a few hours' notice, should the need arise. Knowing the situation we were in right now, I figured that chances were good that things would develop quickly, requiring an equally swift response.

I sat up a little straighter and took a few deep breaths. Doing that tickled my throat, however, and my breaths devolved into a tumultuous, but brief, bout of coughing. I growled with annoyance as the coughing subsided. _The last thing I need right now is an infection in my lungs,_ I reminded myself. _I want to see the mission through to the end._

Feeling composed enough to give the recording a try, I began. I faced the terminal's camera and smiled at my sisters. “Hello Abby, Lynn, Sarah. I hope you three are staying out of trouble. It seems like the whole galaxy is in the middle of changing, and I feel like I'm caught right in the middle of it. The geth have left the veil; the Terminus Systems never seemed so active as they seem to be these days. I've been reassigned to a ship at long last. Maybe the difference is just being on the _Normandy_ and finally being the one to ride in and save the day. Maybe you don't get a feel for what's really going on when you're at secure zones like Czarnobóg Fleet Depot. All I know is that my world is changing all around me, and it's been overwhelming.

“But I don't want you to worry about me any more than normal. I love my new assignment. I'm working underneath one of the most powerful security officers in the galaxy; the first human Spectre. He's a quick man—he thinks on his feet, and he has been doing a phenomenal job accomplishing the mission and bringing us all back safely.”

 _Except for Kaidan._ My carefully erected façade faltered slightly. I tried to recover by changing the subject. “I really feel like I'm in a place where I can make a difference for the first time. It feels really, really good. I'm very happy.

“I wish I could be there to tell you in person, but our mission is ongoing; you know how it is with me.” I gave a small self-depreciating laugh to punctuate my point. “But as soon as the world stops spinning, or at least when it slows down a little bit, you know I'll be at the door in a heartbeat.

“In the meantime, I hope you all have a safe and happy Christmas. No peeking at the gifts I'm sending until the big day, promise?” I laughed. “I miss all of you so much.”

I reached towards the terminal to stop the recording, but a thought occurred to me that made me freeze mid-motion. I resettled back into my chair. “Oh, and Sarah, you are _so_ lucky Shepard wasn't around to hear you say he was 'hot' while I was watching the vidmail. Ugh! To answer your _implied_ question there, no, no, never, never!” Annoyed, I asked, “Why do you always think I'm going to date someone in my own unit? I keep telling you it'll never happen because there are rules against it and it causes nothing but problems. You never believe me.”

I sighed heavily, coughing once into my hand. “Anyway, I hardly have time to give Shepard a second thought. In fact, I can safely say he never crosses my mind _that way_ these days.”

My mind drifted to who _did_ cross my mind quite a bit. I smiled as I remembered talking with Liara as well. “I did find someone special, though.” I wondered just how much I was about to share over a vidmail. I decided to keep it brief and save the real bombshell for a time when I could be there to run damage control. “Perhaps not what you're thinking I'm implying. I mean I've found a new friend. More than that, a best friend. Her name is Liara. She's on the _Normandy_ with me, and she's the one person I've really been able to open up to in—forever. The two of us spend hours talking to each other. She's spiritual like us, like me. She has really opened my eyes and made me realize how unfairly prejudiced I've been towards aliens. I thank God she's been there to help me grow.

“I know this will confuse all of you, but Liara is an asari, a scientist brought aboard by Shepard for our mission. It still confuses me sometimes that I could find so much in common with an alien. It's really funny how she just arrived out of left field and worked her way into my life; I never saw her coming. I will say this, though, she's the best part of being on the _Normandy_ , hands down.”

My eyes became unfocused as I remembered all the time I'd spent with Liara, going from one memory into the next. I didn't even realize what I was doing until a while later, and I shook my head to clear it, my cheeks coloring with embarrassment. “Sorry, I got distracted by something else going on over here,” I lied. “I think I've divulged enough intel for now. Sarah, I'm sorry sis, but that'll just have to be enough for now. Romance isn't a big thing in my life, and never has been. I've got to concentrate on my job so I can stay safe. I want to come home in one piece when this is all over, and I want to see my sisters make me a belated congratulatory meal for my promotion to a ship.” I smiled craftily. “Am I right? All my favorites? Pretty please?” I laughed.

I glanced at the silent timer that was keeping track of the length of my recording. “My time here is up,” I told them. “God Bless, and I love you all.” I reached up to the terminal and ended the recording.

“Wow, I almost blew it,” I remarked to the terminal and myself. “Maybe I should re-record that last part, do it a little shorter, and splice it together.”

I wrinkled my nose as I thought about it. “Maybe not. It is what it is. They won't think anything unusual is going on unless I tell them, I'm sure about that. Besides, I'm going to tell them eventually, right?”

Saying it aloud, it didn't sound like the most fun thing I'd ever have to do, but in my service so far I'd forced myself to do a lot of boring—and many times painful—things in the Marines. If I approached this admission the same way, I was marginally certain I'd make it through whatever remarks they had to make about who I was choosing to love. If I could push myself to my physical limits, I could push myself to my emotional limits too. _It might even go better than I expect. I really hope it does._

Four days on the Citadel passed uneventfully. Every one of those days I exercised alongside Liara in my temporary home, working to keep in shape and avoid getting an infection in my lungs from not breathing deeply enough. Despite the slow progression of healing and the lingering ghosts of pain, I'd begun to feel content with my lifestyle here. I'd never been any more than indifferent about domestic life, but I could get used to the way I was living on the Citadel. Perhaps it was the healing and the lack of excess energy that kept me from getting bored. Perhaps it was my daily company. In any case, I was already beginning to forget what it was like to sleep in the medical bay and live on a cramped starship.

Liara and I had already eaten lunch together today, and we had taken up sitting on the sofa to continue our conversation. “So you've never stayed on the Citadel for long?” I asked my companion as she stared at her omni-tool, attempting to complete a word puzzle she'd found on the extranet.

Liara shook her head, continuing to concentrate on the puzzle. “The Citadel has never held any answers about the Protheans. I always thought that odd, since it was obviously the seat of their government, just like it is for us today. It was only on remote planets across the galaxy that pieces of their lives could be found intact. I guess we know why now. The Reapers must have done a thorough job cleaning the Citadel, while some things slipped through their grasp on the numerous colony worlds.”

“Yeah.” I began to prune my jeans of almost nonexistent lint to occupy my hands. “They left the keepers alone,” I stated, referring to the quiet, insectival race that maintained the Citadel.

“They were probably enslaved and brainwashed by the Reapers in the first place,” Liara suggested. “That would explain why they don't seem to have any individuality in their entire surviving race. They live to maintain the Citadel.”

I'd asked the Citadel VI about them previously, but it told me that nobody knew what they did or how. They all wore backpacks that seemed to have radio equipment installed on them, and they stuck to themselves. Their signals were shrouded well; no one had even located the frequency on which their signals propagated. They never spoke to anyone, or even seemed to _see_ anyone as anything other than an moving obstruction to their path. They merely did what they did to the Citadel, keeping it running. It was a strange form of indentured servitude, but I wasn't certain who or _what_ they were serving. Citadel law required everyone to leave them alone to do their work, and the keepers themselves would rather die by self-destruction than allow themselves to be studied.

I shook my head to clear it of its digression. Keepers, enigmas that they were, weren't threatening our very existence like the Reapers. “So, you've never had a place of your own, or visited some of the establishments around the wards?”

Liara's eyes twinkled with amusement as she looked up at me. I smiled, guilty as charged. “You want to go somewhere, don't you?”

“It'll be fun!” I said enthusiastically. “Don't you want to go?” I asked.

Liara considered the question before answering. “Perhaps, but you've still got many weeks of healing left. I don't see why you should rush it...”

“We're not going to be here for _weeks_ , Liara,” I corrected her. “Eventually Shepard's going to come up with a plan of action to find Saren, the Mu Relay, or both, and we're packing up and leaving with them the moment he does. This could be our only chance!”

She smirked. “You've been thinking about this since we got here, haven't you?”

“Maybe,” I offered weakly, smiling even wider. I was desperate to experience as much as I could while I had the chance. I had no way to know if I'd ever get another opportunity to see the Citadel after the mission picked up again.

I could tell Liara liked the idea more than she'd let on by the way she was almost-smiling. “Well, far be it for me to disappoint you, but if we do this, there'll have to be some ground rules.”

“Ground rules?” My smile disappeared into an apprehensive, contemplating frown. “Like what?”

“No alcohol.”

My eyes widened in understanding when I realized what innocuous purpose these rules were meant to serve. “Alcohol? Never—and to think I was worried what you might say. Even I know I need to steer clear of that. I'm still healing, after all, and I'd like to get back on active duty before I'm left behind.”

“You really think Shepard would leave you here?” Liara asked, surprised and unnerved by the suggestion.

“Healing is my number one priority,” I told her. “It has to be.”

Liara let her question drop. “I'm not done,” she interjected, her eyes dancing mirthfully. “We're only staying for a couple hours maximum. You _are_ still healing, and I can't let you overdo it tonight,” she effortlessly twisted my admission against me.

“You're as bad as my old drill sergeant,” I deadpanned, faking a serious frown.

She laughed. “It's for the best.”

“You don't say.” I eyed her for anything that might give her meaning away, but her attention to her omni-tool ruled out any definitive answers. _Ah well, it's not like you disagree with her anyway._

As there was nothing left to prune from my jeans, I needed to find a new activity. I got to my feet, causing Liara to really look up at me for the first time since this conversation had started. Her eyes asked me if I needed help with anything.

“I'm good. I'll be back,” I promised. I left the living room behind while Liara remained seated where she was. I disappeared into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I glanced at myself in the mirror. _My hair,_ I realized. _How long is it now?_

I reached up and undid the bun, ruffling it up to get it to lie loosely framing my face. It had already reached my shoulders and slightly beyond, and its length varied noticeably from one lock to the next. _Just like I thought. It's too long; I need a haircut to be within regulation._ _Last time I got a cut had been on Eden Prime._ Now that was a sobering, lifetime-ago thought. I ran my fingers through it slowly, combing it out even more. The hair pulled and resisted, too used to being tied up. _Where am I going to get a good cut on the Citadel?_

I'd have to ask someone for a good barber. _Liara obviously wouldn't know,_ I contemplated as I envisioned her elegant and smooth, but hairless, head. _I'll have to ask random human strangers in the wards._ I'd have to track down that section— _thirty-one B!_ I finally recalled the Requisition's officer's directions from my first venture on the Citadel. As I'd observed last time I was on the Citadel, there were a lot of humans there—at least one of them had to have a barber and be willing to tell a stranger where to find him.

I took a shower to wash out my hair specifically. Once that was accomplished, I left my hair down, donned my civilian clothes, and decided to share my plan with the prettier one. “Liara?”

She looked up, and then did a double-take when she saw me. “Yes, Ash?”

“I need a haircut. I'm going to find a barber who'll get me back under regulation length.”

“I'll get our shoes,” she volunteered, closing down her omni-tool and standing up. “Tonight, I think we should go to Flux. We aren't looking to use their gambling machines and bar, but fortunately they also have dancing and food. It has good music and a great reputation. I think we can enjoy ourselves. Even a little dancing can count as your workout for today.”

“That sounds great,” I assured her. “Well, dancing sounds exhausting, and I'm not really a dancer—but I can try it. Before you ask, yes, I'll be careful. I swear, you think I'm a clay pot or something, one fall away from shattering completely.”

Liara shrugged. “I'm sorry, but you're the one who had to get hurt. Maybe next time you'll be more careful.”

“Hah,” I laughed derisively _._ _Careful doesn't stop charging krogans,_ I reflected on my painful personal experience. Changing the subject, I told her, “Listen, I can handle this haircut on my own. If you'd like to go visit somewhere else, we'll meet back up here before heading to Flux.”

I was a little surprised to see that Liara was disappointed. “I really want to see it happen,” she explained. “I've never seen a human get their hair shortened. I'm actually looking forward to it.”

“Hmm. Ok,” I agreed, “but don't be surprised if it isn't half as interesting as you seem to think it will be. You can bail once you've seen enough.”

Liara approached me, reaching up to run her hand through my hair. She closed her eyes, rolled some strands between her fingers, and then actually _shivered_. “I will keep that in mind,” she stated, obviously distracted.

I smiled lewdly at her as she opened her eyes again. “You like my hair, don't you?”

Liara snaked her hand behind my head, still entangled in my hair, and pulled me in for a kiss that bordered on assault. I wasn't about to complain, however. As we broke apart, she asked, “You can't blame me, can you? It's not like I have my own.”

 _Just one kiss and already she's stolen my breath away_ , I thought as I considered how my breath had become hitched. I recovered, “No, I guess not.” Liara pulled away to grab our shoes, and I watched her move, unable to stop myself. Liara and I were on our way within five minutes.

() () () () ()

I felt more air on my neck now that my hair was shorter, and up in a bun again. I felt pretty good, and I was enjoying Liara's overly-bubbly company. We were on our way back to the apartment, where we'd dress up for the night still to come. I was looking forward to a great evening.

Briefly, I glanced behind us as we walked. A very sudden feeling had come upon me that I was being watched. I looked across scores of faces that were walking the same halls in the wards as we were, but nothing jumped out at me as irregular. My brow furrowed in contemplation briefly as I untwisted my neck to look where I was going. Liara was holding my hand, so she no doubt had sensed when I'd turned halfway around, but she ignored it.

We arrived at the apartment without incident. Liara continued onward to the Alliance docks while I disappeared into my room to change. I looked through my wardrobe twice before deciding my definition of “enough clothes” was woefully inadequate. _I guess this is your only option,_ I thought to myself while pulling out a dress, _who cares if it has a skirt. Skirts_ do _look nice even if they aren't my favorite thing to wear... It's worth it for Liara, though._

I slowly worked my way into the one-piece dress and judged myself in a mirror nearby. My hands roamed across the folds, smoothing out wrinkles, adjusting how it rested over my body. _Lynn picked this dress out for me almost a year ago. I'm glad I still fit in it._ The one-shoulder dress covered my right shoulder almost completely in contrast to the other side. In the mirror its strong turquoise color complemented my natural skin tone. I ran my eyes up and down, looking for the slightest thing that could be considered wrong or out of place.

After a bit of pruning I smiled and sucked in a deep breath, my cheeks reddening. _I wonder what Liara will wear? Will she like this? It's ok, right? Oh come on Ash, stop being such a little girl!_ It wasn't really being a girl, though. It was being anybody who was in love. _I already like what I see; I just want her to like what she sees. Who knew I would be indebted to Lynn for her fashion sense. She could always turn heads with the outfits she picked out, yet still keep it tasteful..._

I glanced away from the mirror to the closet, taking in the _Normandy_ uniforms, mess dress, and a few assorted civvies of various styles. _I am not much of a fashion girl. Thank God. There's only one way to find out what Liara thinks though. Move out, and we'll take it from there!_ I left my place and locked it up behind me, heading for the _Normandy_.

In C-Sec Academy, I was trapped waiting for the elevator to the docks to descend, a fact I loathed since I knew intimately how long the elevator took to cover the vast vertical distance between this level and the docks above. I tried to ignore the turians, salarians, humans, and everyone else who bustled about while I stood ramrod-straight, waiting. _Relax, they don't know or care who you are or who you're going on a date with... You're just making it worse for yourself now, stop it! Everything will be fine!_

“Fine,” I thought again, this time accidentally saying it aloud. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. That seemed to do it, as I finally relaxed my shoulders into a more natural stance. _Where's that damned elevator, I need to get out of here before I go crazy._ The doors actually seemed to have heard my thoughts; they split apart like they had been frightened into hiding inside the floor. I saw Liara's blue face and eyes first, just as I remembered them. As I took in the rest of her, however, my breath caught, and I froze in place.

Liara's midnight dress barely touched her shoulders, with only the slightest sleeves on each side. It was cut square across the top, and very confidently left considerable cleavage. There was another hole in the center which left her flat blue stomach exposed—a Citadel fashion. I remembered seeing something similar once before, on someone I'd talked to, or something... I could have sworn it never looked half as hot as this. I couldn't remember the rest because my mind was rather preoccupied with what was immediately before me now.

Liara's hips swayed deliciously as she took step after breathtaking step towards me. “You've never seen my dress before, have you?” she asked. “Do you like—.”

“It's perfect,” I interrupted her breathlessly.

Liara's cheeks darkened a shade, pulling my eyes up to meet hers. I could actually read the relief and joy in her eyes. “You look stunning, Ash. Before tonight, I was beginning to think I'd never see you in anything but your uniform and armor.”

I glanced down at my own dress and bosom, self-conscious and nervous. My heart fluttered. I was nothing in comparison, a tomboy with more strength and tactical awareness than beauty and fashion taste, and it was never more obvious to me. “You like it? I know it's not much, but I don't have a lot of fancy clothes—.” _I don't like dating that much anyway; this whole idea was a stupid mistake... She must think you're hopeless... You could still ruin everything..._

Liara took my hand, pulling me away from the crowd to a more secluded area, cornered between a wall and a tall potted plant. I let her lead me, but I still tried to look away. I felt her soft hand against my cheek, slowly guiding me to look at her. I burned with embarrassment.

“I don't care what you wear. You're beautiful, Ash, just as you are.” There was one look she had, one look of total honesty, that I could not and would never question. I saw it right then as she spoke, and my body warmed beneath her loving touch. Her proximity stirred such passion inside me I couldn't help but run my hands down her bare arms, feeling her skin move beneath my fingertips.

I was staring at my hands at first as I tried to respond. “I—I...” I stopped, and focused right on her eyes. We closed inexorably; I could feel the barest hint of her breath across my face. I whispered conspiratorially, “Because _you're_ the one who said it, I believe it. I trust you completely.” With that my eyelids drifted down, and before I realized what I'd set in motion, our lips met in a passionate kiss.

Liara moaned ever so quietly as her tongue swept across my lip. I willingly opened them to her probing. I reached up with my right hand, snaking it behind her head until I could touch the soft flanges at the back of her head. Operating on instinct, I slid my fingers between them as deeply as I could, rubbing gently. With triumphant surprise I listened to Liara's moans grow louder and more satisfied. I absorbed them all into my body and soul, keeping our sounds as quiet as I could.

When we broke apart for air, an overpowering compulsion came over me to take her immediately back to my bedroom and watch her pull that wonderful dress she was wearing right back off again. I wanted to touch every part of her body until she burned with passion equal to my own.

She seemed to have similar thoughts, but more self control. She whispered huskily, “As nice as this is, I think we should get going before we get too carried away with ourselves.”

It was then that I saw a shadow move against the wall behind Liara, and I remembered I was standing in C-Sec Academy. _How did I forget where I was so quickly? Did anyone see me make out with her? Oh God, the embarrassment if they did! I've never done PDA with anyone else._

I took a moment to calm my racing thoughts and latently realized I should say something. I whispered back with a slight wry grin, “I like what we're doing _now._ ” I meant what I told her, but it wasn't even a real argument; I had already decided that it was best to go along with her suggestion and leave for Flux.

She smiled brightly, pulling away so that my hands both had to drop back down to hers to maintain contact. Her eyes looked murky, the white seeming to have been infused with wisps of black. I admired the look, because along with her hooded gaze, it seemed to indicate she might be affected much the same as I was—immensely aroused.

“We can't lose sight of what's important,” she reminded me. “I wish to join with you, but we cannot rush it. The consequences and changes it will bring to our lives cannot be ignored, and we need to be able to continue to work together and concentrate on our mission. With everything that is going on and Saren so close to finding the Conduit, we cannot allow ourselves to lose control. Not even for one night.” I wished I could argue the point, but she was right. Rushing it might ruin the best thing in my life. I wasn't about to let that happen, so I nodded and allowed her to pull me by my hand towards the Citadel Rapid Transit Shuttle.

We arrived at Flux roughly ten minutes later, and even as we stepped out of the vehicle, I could hear the deep bass thumping through the air. _When she said dancing, she wasn't kidding, was she?_ I smiled, intrigued. _Sounds like a dance club to me._

Hand in hand, we proceeded up the steps. “Flux” was scrawled on the wall in neon lights below some other neon lights in an alien script. I was amazed the club had been so quick to add a sign for humans in addition to the other sign that doubtless said the same thing in a much older language. A human bouncer stood by the door with a welcoming smile. He was good at putting people at ease, easily meeting my eyes without faltering. “Welcome to Flux. Hey, great to see another human in here.”

I cocked my head to one side questioningly; his statement sounded almost racist, and he said it right in front of Liara, too, which was the worst part of his offense. “Hello,” I let my voice drop off.

He seemed to pick up on my unstated question, because he answered, “I'm Craig. Doran, the owner, really wants to reach out and attract a more diverse clientele. Not many humans know about Flux yet, so tell everyone you know.”

Now things seemed much more innocent. I accepted his explanation with a head nod, secretly relieved at how he'd avoided leaving us on a sour note right at the start of our evening date. I studied the layout of Flux as Liara led us inside. There was a dancing floor to our right and it was filled with singles and couples gyrating to the beat. Colored lights randomly flitted about the whole dance floor, choreographed to the live music extremely well. There were tables to the left, a bar straight ahead and slightly to the right, and stairs next to the bar that led up to a second story. I could hear the sound of gambling machines just barely if I strained my hearing in that direction.

A waitress led us to a table, and I was surprised that the music suddenly tapered down to a greatly reduced decibel level when we entered the dining area. I could see some kind of sonic devices above all the tables here and realized it must have something to do with noise cancellation, allowing anyone at a table to talk without having to speak up to be heard over the music. I was impressed. The human waitress introduced herself as Rita, and offered to get us some drinks to start off the evening.

I looked to my menu briefly before regarding Liara instead. Apparently, Doran needed to enhance his human menu if he wanted to see more humans at Flux. “Do you have a suggestion, Liara?” I inquired.

She offered to me, “How about an asari erymelon? It has a wonderful fruity, sweet taste that should go well with many of the main courses here.”

I liked terran fruit juice so I decided that I also liked Liara's suggestion, and I had a feeling that tonight was a good night to try new things. “Okay. Let's do erymelon.” Liara indicated she wanted the same. Rita nodded and left graciously.

We hadn't even ordered, and already I was having fun. I had a permanent grin stuck on my face. “How'd you find this place again? This is great!”

Liara smiled. Her voice was also filled with approval. “I'm glad you like it; I wasn't sure about it until I got here. 'I know how to pick 'um,' apparently.”

I laughed. “Where'd you hear that one? Shepard?”

She shook her head. “No, Corporal Dennon, in the mess hall.”

“Humanity's really rubbing off on you, isn't it?” I asked.

She nodded. “Yours is a fast-paced race, Ash. It was difficult to take humanity seriously, until I got to know more about them as a part of the crew.”

“Do you feel like you fit in?” I really wanted to know that she felt like she was accepted there. I'd _order_ the marines to straighten up, if necessary. I'd punish the worst offenders too. They would all respect Liara as much as their own mothers, no matter what it took.

“More and more each day,” she affirmed. _The marines don't know how lucky they are right now,_ I reflected privately, relieved by her answer. Liara continued, “Especially after the last mission. It hasn't been an easy transition, but everyone is growing closer over the course of this mission. As we should, seeing how important it is for us to rely on each other.”

“I'll say.”

Rita returned, taking our orders. We didn't order much in the way of food, not wanting to be too weighed down by it to enjoy some time on the dance floor. The food was exotic to my pallet, but I started to enjoy the way it tasted. By the time I finished my plate, I decided I'd have to find the name of it back and memorize it so I could order it again. _Something with an 'Al' and a 'g' in front... Can't remember. At least I remember where it was on the menu; I can probably find it back. Ahh, who cares._

I certainly didn't. I was almost giddy. I was free of any and all cares in the world, and I was spending a night out with Liara, who looked stunning in her dress. Rita seemed to have an eighth sense for waitressing; she was always around when we needed her, but never intruded into our hushed conversation. I was only ever aware of her when one of us needed something.

 _Life cannot get more rewarding than it was right now. Well, it could, but we already agreed to wait on that before coming here._ It was a perfect evening thus far, and I was feeling very optimistic about the rest yet to come.

We finished eating, paid our bill by splitting the cost, and made our way to the dance floor. I couldn't wait to hold her close to me again. As I approached, I noticed the musicians were all salarians, and they looked like they were enjoying themselves far more than I had ever seen salarians look before. They had just entered a synth-heavy, introspective portion to their performance. The pace was slightly slower than before and consistent. I didn't know much about this music other than it probably wasn't composed by a human, but I kept an open mind because it was definitely all right so far. The current music seemed like it was content, which had the same effect on me as I listened.

We placed our hands at each other's hips and began swaying together along with the beat. An amplified voice came over the sound system, causing us both to stop and look up at the stairs, where a rotund little volus was holding a microphone. “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Flux. I am your host, Doran.” The click of his suit's ventilation system carried over the speakers as well while he took a breath.

“I'd like to extend a special invitation to all the couples we have with us tonight as we enter the slow portion of our performance tonight. All couples, please, join us on the dance floor while our musicians serenade us.” He clicked off the microphone and nodded to the musicians, who responded instantly. A few more instruments joined the synth, and the music became louder, no longer willing to lie in the background now that the speaking was over.

Scores of couples left their tables and joined us on the dance floor, each taking a calm, tight pose for some softer dancing. Liara and I returned to what we'd been doing after clearing some space for a turian couple. I hadn't seen many turian women before, but she seemed quite happy to be here with her companion—husband, I assumed. I bowed my head towards Liara, our right temples resting against each other as we swayed.

“I'll never forget this,” I whispered into her ear.

“Me either,” she replied, content. We each breathed in the other deeply.

We lasted through three long songs, until the tempo increased moderately and the couples began to liven up their routines. Few couples were leaving, and more dancers were joining us all the time. I predicted the dance floor was on its way to becoming a mosh pit at this point, and as I stretched one arm to pull my companion back towards me after she spun, I knew it was over for me. My ribs were complaining, and my discomfort in my own skin increasing, and it was showing in my face.

“We should go now,” I told Liara. She didn't seem to mind, clearing a path through the sea of bodies with one hand, pulling me along with another stretched behind her, until we were back off the dance floor, in-between all the various parts of Flux.

“There's Rita,” I pointed out. “I want to thank her a moment before we go. She was great.”

“Yes, she was,” Liara agreed. We laced our hands together and headed towards the bar. I recognized Doran pouring some drinks behind it.

“Hey, Rita,” I greeted. The human woman turned around. She was taller than me when she stood up perfectly straight, with good complexion and attractive features. I guessed she enjoyed pretty good tips waitressing here, at least from the human visitors.

Rita put on a smile as we caught her eyes. “Hello again. How may I help you?”

I said, “I just wanted to thank you for tonight. It was perfect, really perfect.” Then I smiled over at Liara, who eagerly nodded in agreement.

“Oh, thanks much, both of you,” Rita replied, smiling. “Are you leaving us for the night?”

“I think so,” I acknowledged.

“Ok, well, have a safe and pleasant evening.” As she turned towards the drinks Doran had poured for her, the host himself nodded in our direction. Like Tali, I couldn't see an inch of his face behind the pressure suit, but his short, round, teddy-bear stature just looked so cute compared to the taller quarian that I could easily overlook that detail.

We said goodbye to Rita and left Flux. At the door, Craig the bouncer gave a slight polite nod towards the both of us. I felt a little self-conscious, especially in front of other humans, but very few regarded me with anything other than passing curiosity. We headed for the Rapid Transit Shuttle and waited for one to arrive. At this distance, the music was all but gone with only the strongest low-frequency beats still whispering into my ears. This area was very busy, and a lot of people used the shuttles, so it was rather common to have to wait for another one to arrive. Liara looked out across the upper wards, watching the people mill past.

“Do you see those humans over there?” she asked.

I turned and looked, recognizing the face of the leader of Terra Firma, Charles Saracino. He was an over-publicized media hound who thrived on controversy. He was surrounded by a flock of humans, all chanting slogans as one voice. We could both make out the shouts of “Earth first!” despite our distance from them. Reporters with camera drones were watching the demonstration.

I groaned, “Oh, _him._ ”

“Who is he?” Liara asked.

“He's an awful excuse for a human being, is who he is,” I stated. “That's Saracino, the head of the festering blight that is the Terra Firma party. Humanity gets a bad rap among the other races mostly because of their drivel and their demonstrations. I've always hated him. He's too radical and implacable; he has no use for anyone who isn't human. No matter what you think about aliens, he's guaranteed to be worse. If he had his way, we'd probably be like the batarians, refusing to even communicate with other races.”

“Their loss,” Liara noted, squeezing my hand.

“Yes,” I agreed readily, squeezing back, glancing at Liara and smiling. I understood _personally_ how much of a loss his politics meant, and I couldn't imagine my life without Liara. I said as much, “It was almost my loss too. Thankfully, you came along to set me straight. I've never been so glad to have been wrong before. You're the best thing to happen to me in a long time. Terra Firma loses out because they would never understand that.”

Liara sounded genuinely grateful as she replied, “Thank Athame you were receptive.”

“Let's get out of here,” I suggested, feeling uncomfortable. My imagination ran away from me, thinking up scenarios where Saracino would discover us together and publicly lambast us for it. “Last thing I want is to be sucked into one of his propaganda speeches.”

“Okay,” Liara agreed, looking away from the Terra Firma demonstration to search the sky for the incoming Rapid Transit Shuttle. “Our shuttle's almost here.”

We waited an extremely ponderous twelve seconds longer for the shuttle to land and its passengers to disembark, quickly climbing into it ourselves and shutting the door. I breathed a sigh of relief once we were clear of Terra Firma, and we returned to my apartment.

Outside the door, I couldn't help feeling gloomy now that our night had reached its conclusion; I never wanted it to end. I spun Liara in my arms like when we'd danced once more, trapping her into facing me by controlling her hips. It felt too good for words to have her at my fingertips. “I guess this is goodnight,” I smirked, looking into her eyes. I could see something there, something that was reserved just for me, and it bewitched me a little.

She leaned in towards me, and we kissed, eyes falling closed as emotions poured into touch. Though it was not as heavy as the one before our date began, I relished every moment. We only stopped because we had to, touching our foreheads together as we bowed slightly towards each other. “No, that was goodnight,” Liara told me. “The first of many.”

I couldn't have agreed more.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

 

I woke up a little late the next day, delightfully pain-free as I lay in my comfortable bed. My regular morning soreness reasserted itself only after I started moving around again, erasing any thoughts I entertained of my healing being complete. Still, this was perfectly manageable for me, and it was nice to have those few waking seconds free of any uncomfortableness. _I'm healing, but it won't be much longer before I'm back to my prime._ That thought alone comforted me. I took my shower and dressed in a dark red blouse with jeans, wanting to reconnect with my civilian fashion apart from the Alliance uniforms I usually wore.

I entered the living room and immediately caught the warm and mouthwatering aroma of food cooking nearby. It reminded me of rising yeast bread. I watched Liara work in the kitchen to prepare her meal, her back turned away from me. Speaking up, I asked, “Hello there. When did you get here, and what smells so good?”

“I came early and let myself in,” the asari replied. “I suspected you needed your rest, so I let you sleep in. As for breakfast, I'm making camadia. You introduced me to pancakes, and now it's my turn.”

My heart thrummed pleasingly as I imagined Liara lovingly watching over me while I slept. _I like that image a lot,_ I realized. “Can't wait,” I told her, my mouth watering a little bit. “I'll just catch up on the news for a minute.”

Sitting on the couch, I activated the wall terminal and navigated to the Citadel's most popular news services broadcasts. A severe-looking salarian anchorman was finishing a story on a big bust that recently wrapped up, with almost two hundred suspects arrested, on charges from organ trafficking to murder. It seemed like a big shakeup for organized crime to me. Surprisingly, the next report he presented stated that Commander Shepard, “first human Spectre,” had returned to the Citadel, but had made no public appearances as of yet.

I hadn't realized just how carefully the galactic community watched its new human Spectre. I felt a little ridiculous for not realizing this sooner, because it made a great deal of sense from their point of view. Shepard must be a huge wild card for them. Hell, he was a huge wild card on the _Normandy_ at times.

I also instructed the terminal to bring up my personal mail, but was disappointed to see nothing of interest to me. Shepard hadn't tried to reach me yet, and Chakwas wanted me to come back to the _Normandy_ in another week or less for a checkup.

I stretched my arms and legs briefly as I minimized my mail account, leaving the broadcast to command center screen once again. I took a double-take as I recognized the scene displayed; it was the rally from the night before. The camera angle shifted, and I was staring at Liara as she departed the _Normandy's_ airlock. Paying rapt attention, I listened to the voice of the female reporter.

 _“It seems the_ Normandy _has accepted some unusual passengers during its ongoing mission for the Citadel. Liara T'Soni, seen here leaving the ship, is the only daughter of Matriarch Benezia, an asari currently 'wanted for questioning' by the Citadel Council. There has been no official word from the Alliance or Commander Shepard about her presence or her role aboard the ship, leaving many questions in the minds of Alliance citizens about what is going on with our first human Spectre. We caught up to Commander Shepard and asked him about these developments.”_

The scene shifted immediately, and I recognized C-Sec Academy in the background, with Shepard front and center. _“Commander Shepard, there are reports of numerous alien species leaving and returning to your ship, of particular note an asari, Liara T'Soni. Is it true that you've taken aliens such as Dr. T'Soni aboard your ship? Was it at the Council's request?”_

 _“No comment,” he growled from behind clenched teeth._ He pushed past the reporter with one arm, and she looked quite put out.

The scene shifted again to the same reporter, now in a studio setting. _“Commander Shepard continues to keep a tight communications blackout on his crew and current mission since becoming a Spectre. Questions continue to mount if he is truly an Alliance soldier—or the property of a Council that has held humanity back from the beginning. This is Kassia al Julani reporting from the Citadel.”_

I closed the news feed immediately, angry. _Property of the Council? You've got to be kidding me. We're trying to save the galaxy here, but she's trying to convince everyone we're brainwashed servants of the Council? This is beyond ridiculous, this is... Fucking media. We have a job to do. Is this story going to put pressure on the Alliance? We don't need interruptions from our mission. Saren's closing in on the Conduit, and so are we. I hope Shepard can steer us through the nonsense that will spawn from this. We can't get bogged down and let Saren get to the Conduit first._

Despite my refusal to let some trollop impede our mission's progress, there was an undercurrent of understanding that it was largely out of my hands. The Admiralty would have to decide how to react. Shepard would have to deal with their decision. There wasn't a thing that I, or Liara for that matter, could do about it. _Best not to worry about things you can't change. I shouldn't bother Liara about it either. She might feel guilty when it's not even her fault._

Besides, Liara was cooking for me, and I wanted to be able to appreciate her willingness to do so rather than waste the carefree atmosphere between us. I disappeared back into my bedroom before she sensed anything was wrong and forced myself to breathe deeply until I felt entirely calm.

In the end, it worked better than I could have predicted. By chance I inhaled a deep breath of the permeating yeast smell, and it instantly reminded me of my mother baking bread back at home. My sisters and I used to love helping out. _Times like those are what kept us so close,_ I reminisced.

I returned to the common room and took a seat at the table. The soothing smell made me amenable to sharing just for sharing's sake. “Did I ever tell you my sisters and I would cook with my mother a lot?”

“No,” Liara replied from the kitchen. Turning her head to one side, facing me as much as she could, she asked, “What did you cook?” She turned back, giving her attention back to her project at hand.

“All kinds of foods, but usually my father's favorites: homemade bread, pasta, and ice cream for dessert. We all wanted to help out when we were celebrating our father's return home from a deployment.”

“He was gone a lot, I take it.”

I stood up, entering the kitchen, and was rewarded when Liara turned fully towards me for the first time this morning. She let her spatula rest on the counter top. I answered at long last, “Too much. There's... There's never enough time.” I sighed in defeat.

Liara gave me a look of compassion. “Perhaps not, but so long as you remember him, he has not left you behind.”

I shrugged. “I'd rather he was here, you know?”

Liara nodded. “I won't disagree with you there. I just want you to understand that the most important thing you can do is to cherish what time you did have with your father, your loved ones. As asari, it runs to the very heart of our society to be thankful and remember. Many of the people we meet along our lives will not live as long as we will; it would be impossible to endure the pain of losing so many and being unwilling to let them go. Cherish the time, Ash, but don't get caught longing for something you cannot have.”

“How long do you live?” I asked. “I've heard idle chatter that asari live a long time, but how long?”

“Almost a full millennium,” Liara answered steadily.

“No way,” I gasped, stymied. “I'm barely a—a blip on the radar.” _How could I even compete with hundreds up_ _on hundreds of years of life? I'll be... inconsequential._

“You are more than a 'blip,' Ashley,” Liara insisted. “As hard as it may be for you to understand, even hundreds of years after today, I will remember you. I will remember us. And when I do, I will smile.”

“Smile?” I repeated, not knowing what to say.

“Brightly,” Liara added sweetly, even as the corners of her mouth shot up in a grin. “It makes me ecstatic just to be here with you. That's what I will remember: happiness. Do you understand?”

I shrugged. “Maybe not completely. Maybe I will with time.”

Liara's smile broadened. “I have faith, Ash. Now,” she looked back towards her food, “I should serve this before I burn it.”

I chuckled and nodded. “Anything I can do?”

“All done,” Liara answered. “Have a seat at the table.”

I did as she suggested, and Liara delivered a plate of hot camadia in front of me. I noted how it did look like thick pancakes to warrant Liara's comment so long ago. _It's so easy to remember all the details from the days we've spent together,_ I reflected, smiling. I waited for my cook to finish serving her own plate, and copied her as she applied a jam on top of it that she informed me came from an asari fruit. I tried it out, and was surprised how much it did remind me of pancakes topped with an exotic and tangy fruit. It was good, but much more starchier than pancakes. In the end, I decided I liked it, especially with the jam's help—it was different, but good.

After eating, I insisted, “I'll take care of the dishes.” Liara looked like she was about to protest, but stopped short when I shook my head. “No, no, cooks don't have to clean in my mom's house, and they don't have to clean in mine either.”

Liara laughed melodically. “Did you inflict such treatment upon your poor father when he returned home to your meals? I should think so many cooks could make a great many dishes.”

I joined her in laughing. “Very clever of you to pick the _one_ exception to the rule. Go sit in the living room or something. I promise this won't take too long.”

Liara complied and left me to clear the table while she retreated to the living room. The job of cleaning didn't take very long, but it was necessary since I had little in the way of my own plates and pans, and most of it was utilitarian mess kit stuff.

Liara boosted the sound to the terminal, and I caught what the anchorman said next. _“It has just been confirmed by C-Sec that the bust led to the arrest of one human suspect believed to be the head of the gang, known by the alias the “Long Islander.” His case is expected to be a high priority for the district attorney.”_

I smiled to myself, pleasantly surprised. _Looks like C-Sec's making good on its promise, working on that gang that tried to kill me. That's really great news!_ Out loud, I asked, “Hey Liara, what should we do after working out?”

Liara didn't answer. Eyebrow elevated with confusion, I headed for the living area. Liara was standing before the computer terminal, reading something. When I came up to her, she gave me a complete look up-and-down before moving away. She faced away from both me and the terminal.

“What is it?” I asked even as I read the message myself.

My mail account had popped up of its own accord, and it was displaying the message it had just received. I planned on only skimming it, but as I read it, I slowed down considerably.

 

_To our delinquent sister,_

 

 _Since you obviously care nothing for your familial responsibilities, the family has decided to intervene. That's right! Clean your (tiny) collection of normal clothes and get ready to greet your sisters on the Citadel. We're coming to_ you! _Abby, Sarah, and I are boarding a shuttle, and we'll be reunited within 36 hours! Isn't this exciting (Nerve-wracking for me, but still)? We haven't left Amaterasu in so long, but we couldn't wait to see you again, especially with everything going on. Before you get mad, I want you to know that mom practically shoved us out the door herself when she heard the plan._

_You are going to be our escort on the Citadel until that Shepard guy finally steals you back from us. We can stay for only a couple of days before we return home, but all of us are looking forward to seeing you in person and possibly meeting your new friend._

 

_See you soon,_

_Lynn_

 

I straightened up and turned towards Liara, who was watching me intensely. I tried to swallow and found it unusually difficult. “Well, this is a surprise,” I remarked dryly.

Liara smirked briefly, but she wasn't in a humorous mood right now. “What are you going to do? Are they talking about me? Do they even know anything about me?”

“Of course they know about you, Liara! You're not a secret I'm keeping from anyone.”

Liara grimaced. “Maybe I shouldn't, but sometimes I feel as if I am, Ash. I don't understand why your military seems so stringent about who their soldiers are with. I'm just thinking that if you can't be open about us on the _Normandy_ , then maybe you wouldn't be likely to tell your family either. Maybe it's a human thing, and I'm just not used to it.”

I walked up to Liara and ran my hands up and down her arms in a placating gesture. “The military aside, you're never something I would want to hide. Still, I don't exactly like to go out of my way and 'publicize' any of my relationships because I'm a very private person. What you need to know without a doubt is that I'm humbled that you accepted me into your life. There's nothing I want more than to be with you, no matter who is around to see us.

“I told my family you are my best friend, which is one-hundred-percent true. You're important to me, and I want my family to know all about you, about us, with time so they can be ready for it. Now, one of us needs to stay calm while I get worked up about this, ok?” I remarked wryly. “It'll be ok. You'll get to meet my other favorite people in my life. That's great.”

Liara nodded briskly. “I'm nervous,” she confessed.

I laughed. “Me too.”

() () () () ()

Liara and I stood at Public Galactic Transportation Hub 37-A. We were in a giant room filled with people standing and waiting for personnel transports to arrive, many of which were toting significant luggage behind them. Virtually every race I knew existed was represented here, but the vast majority were asari. I held Liara's left hand in my right while we waited in the crowd for my sisters to arrive.

Liara occasionally bounced up on her heels, trying to peer over the crowd. I had already given her pictures of my sisters, and she seemed determined to find them before I could. I was keeping a close eye on their terminal as well, but I was not quite as anxious as she was. “Calm down, Liara,” I reminded her.

Liara puffed her cheeks, almost irritated. “The transport landed five minutes ago.”

“I'm aware,” I pointed out, sorely tempted to grin at her. “They'll be here.”

Liara gasped. “Wait, there! I see Sarah! And there's Lynn! And over to their right, there's Abby!” Her enthusiasm was written all over her face and definitely mirrored my own.

“Let's go.” The words were barely out of my mouth before I was heedlessly throwing myself into the throng of people, working us through the room to my sisters. I belatedly realized a few annoyed and angry scoffs were directly my fault, but it didn't matter. I pulled us right up to my sisters, barely stopping in time to avoid bowling them over. “Hey!” I interjected far louder than was required.

Sarah's face lit up first as she saw me. “Ashley!” The others' expressions quickly mirrored her own, and the three of them surrounded me in a group bear hug so quickly I barely had time to release Liara's hand before either of our arms were forced to bend improperly. My sisters squeezed me tight, and I reciprocated with as much strength as I could.

We pulled apart a few seconds later, each grinning so widely we looked ridiculous. My ribs protested mildly from their abuse, but it was worth every dull throb. Before they could say another word, I held up a finger to quiet them. “First off, before I forget, I want to introduce you to my friend Liara. Liara?”

I turned to my right, and Liara stepped forward to my side. “Hello. Ashley has talked about the three of you nonstop since she found out you were coming.”

Sarah's eyes got big briefly before she held out her hand and shook Liara's, “ _You're_ Liara? Well, hi! I didn't think I'd get to meet you so soon! I'm Sarah.”

Lynn started when she saw Liara for the first time, but she recovered enough composure to smile and take her turn shaking hands. “Hello Liara. I'm Lynn.”

Abby held out her hand daintily before they shook. “I'm Abby. It's wonderful to meet you, Liara.”

I debated grabbing Liara's hand, but I'd already told myself to pace this. Things would be hard enough, and they were still tired from their trip. It was time to get them settled in. “I rented a place to live while the _Normandy_ is docked at the Citadel. I want you three to move in with me until you leave.”

“Bed,” Abby shouted.

“Bed,” Sarah echoed not even a moment later.

I laughed. “I'm bringing in an air mattress for the floor. Since they called the bed, Lynn can have the mattress, and I'll take the couch.”

“Wow, this trip just got a whole lot cheaper,” Abby remarked appreciatively. “Mom would approve.”

“You like that?” I asked rhetorically. “Good. Let's get your stuff over there right now.”

The three women gathered the stuff at their feet and followed me out of the terminal. It took a while to clear security, but eventually we were on our way. We requested two rapid transit shuttles. The first accepted Liara, myself, and Sarah. The next took on most of my sisters' luggage, Lynn, and Abby.

Sarah stared out the shuttle's windows in wonderment, taking in the whole sight of the Citadel ward arm as it seemed to stretch out impossibly long. “Liara, do you live on the Citadel?” she asked.

“No,” Liara answered. “My work often takes me quite far away from the Citadel. I haven't been here in many years.”

“So you lived here before?”

“I visited,” Liara corrected. “My mother occasionally had business here. It was rare, however. Thessia was my real home for most of my life.”

“Thessia? What's Thessia like?”

“Thessia is the asari homeworld. Perhaps that makes me biased, but I think it is a beautiful world with an abundance of oceans and sea life. Every available square inch of land bursts with plants, green grass, and trees.”

“Sounds like a place I'd want to visit,” Sarah concluded.

“You thinking about traveling around?” I jested.

“Yep,” Sarah answered without hesitation. “Well, college comes first, but after I graduate... I gotta go see some of these worlds. They sound so amazing. I want to experience them personally.”

In that moment, I saw so much of our father in Sarah that I was disquieted. Dad had always loved space, but that love was tinged at its edges with the understanding that space and the military were what kept him away from the rest of us while we grew up. It was hard to think of losing some of the closeness I had to Sarah because we were both gallivanting about the galaxy on our own adventures. One nomadic sister made getting together as a family difficult enough already.

It wasn't long before we were in my section of the wards, pulling luggage along yet another hallway. I opened the door for my sisters, who stacked everything they brought in the corner not too far from the door itself. It was out of the way, at least, leaving the living area mostly unencumbered.

The five of us took every available seat: the couch and a couple of stools from the kitchen bar. We were arranged in a V-shape so everyone could easily talk with everyone else. My sisters took a load off on the couch. Liara and I were side-by-side on the stools. I started off, “So, like the place? Not bad considering how quickly I was able to pick it up.”

“A little small for all of us,” Abby noted, “but who cares, we're sisters.”

“Your family is quite large,” Liara noted. “Is it common to have so many siblings all within a few years of age?”

“Part of that whole human lifespan thing, I guess,” I tried to answer her. “After all, a human's childbearing years are rather short when compared to an asari's.”

Abby nodded in agreement. “How long do asari live?” she asked.

“Almost a full millennium,” Liara answered.

“Whoa,” Sarah interjected surprised. “I mean... I knew that.” Her cheeks reddened the slightest shade.

I smirked as I watched my youngest sister try to hide her embarrassment. “I try not to think about what it would be like to live that long. It would only depress me since I can't.”

Everyone chuckled to themselves at that one. Abby looked at me for a second or two before she made a decision about whatever she was thinking. She questioned, “So Liara, you're on the ship with my big sister?”

Liara nodded. “I am.”

“What's it like on the ship?” Sarah interjected her question at me. “You've had your heart set on it for so long.”

“Everything I wanted it to be, and yet there's still a lot in common with a garrison posting,” I answered, reflecting on my memories of both. “My responsibilities now are very close to what they were before, but the context has changed completely. It's no longer about a simple defensive presence on a planet. I have to think more aggressively, push myself harder. I'm taking the fight to the bad guys now.”

Lynn shivered. “Scares the crap out of me just to think about it,” she remarked, “but at least you look healthy.”

“I fought a krogan in hand-to-hand recently,” I added. “There's even a krogan Battle Master on the _Normandy._ Let me just say, I have a whole new respect for krogan warriors. Everything you've ever heard about them is probably an understatement.”

Lynn sat forward and slapped me on the knee irritably. “Stop it!” she demanded.

My sisters and I laughed, but Liara didn't quite understand our exchange. I facetiously apologized, “I'm sorry, sis. I only speak the truth.”

Lynn rolled her eyes in obvious annoyance. “You love frightening me with your stories.”

“Well, that's true,” Abby interjected. “Don't even pretend to give me that innocent look, Ash.”

I grinned widely; there was no use in denying it. “How's mom? How's the house?”

“She's fine, but she's worried about you too,” Lynn told me. “Your transfer to a ship happened so fast, after years of garrison postings. How'd you manage that, anyway?”

“It wasn't a happy circumstance,” I conceded. “The _Normandy's_ marines were the first responders to Eden Prime when it was attacked by the geth. They lost one of their own, Private Jenkins. And, well, I already told you about my squad... The end result of this was that I helped Shepard on his mission on Eden Prime, and Anderson brought me aboard the ship before they left orbit. Now, here I am.”

“I'm sorry about your squad,” Abby apologized, squeezing my knee.

“Thanks,” I replied, choking up.

“Are you okay?” Sarah asked immediately.

“It sucks, but I'm in a place to make it right,” I told them, voice hardening, “and I will.”

“Just be careful,” Lynn warned me. “We want you to come home when your mission is over.”

“I will,” I promised. I felt the somber mood stifling me, so I tried to escape from under it. “I'm so glad you all have come to see me.”

“We're glad we got to come, Sarah especially,” Abby replied easily, smiling. “So what is the crew of the _Normandy_ like?”

I looked over to Liara. “How can we possibly summarize the crew?”

Liara considered my question before answering, “Captain Anderson and Commander Shepard know skill. Shepard especially has made many additions to the _Normandy_ crew, and we're all working together on this mission. It is quite amazing to see. Without the specialists, even without a soldier like Ashley, we would not have made it this far.”

Abby stated, “He seems to be a natural leader. Guess that's why he's the first human Spectre. As amazing as it is, though, we all think and worry about you every day. You're not just serving on a ship like Dad. You're serving under a Council Spectre on some kind of galactic mission. It sounds so dangerous.”

“Trust me,” I implored them, “if it were anyone besides Shepard, and if we didn't have the allies we have to help us, I would be the first one to request a transfer. I think I can trust Commander Shepard and his crew. Despite the danger, I think we can persevere.”

“Of course we trust you,” Abby replied, “but we _love_ you too.” She beamed at me.

I smiled warmly with thanks towards each of my sisters. “I love all of you so much,” I confessed. “Having you here is an amazing, happy surprise.”

There were silent nods of affirmation by my sisters.

“Liara, you'll keep an eye on our sister for us, won't you?” Sarah questioned.

“Of course,” Liara answered steadily. “How could I not?”

“Liara is the best,” I told them. “She's a biotic. She's been a literal godsend throughout everything.”

“Gush much?” Sarah interjected with a sly grin. Everyone laughed at her joke, but they seemed to accept my words at their face value. It was a somewhat encouraging sign, anyway. I could tell there were more steps before I could come out with my full feelings about Liara.

“Let's eat,” Lynn suggested. “We can talk more when I have some chicken on my plate.”

“Great idea!” Sarah approved. Liara and I accepted the responsibility on their behalf, ordering some Chinese food that we could pick up and eat in the apartment. My sisters started moving and unpacking the bare minimum from their luggage so they wouldn't overcrowd the limited space in my temporary home.

() () () () ()

Liara returned to the _Normandy_ not long after we ate. I made her promise to check in with us the next day in case I wanted her to come over again, but I knew the chances strongly favored spending the whole day with no one but my three sisters. They were usually downright possessive of me when it came to my days off.

We slept well enough, despite lacking full beds for everyone. I was, of course, the first one to wake up and start my day. I decided to exercise with a jog down the wards so that I wouldn't wake the rest of them. Running gave me time to think about my feelings about yesterday. I was bursting at the seams with thankfulness that I had gotten to see my sisters again, but having Liara there without telling them the whole reason why, tempered my good spirits. If I thought this would be easy, however, I would have told them right there in the terminal where we first met.

I jogged for thirty minutes before returning home. Fortunately, the shower had not yet been claimed, so I was able to slip right inside and clean up, getting ready for our day together as a family. By the time I was out, everyone was up and waiting to take their turn. We cycled through the bathroom with all the speed of a military squad, something dad had forced us all to learn to do. Considering how many of us there were, I was immensely grateful for my family's 'training'.

Everyone dressed up, expecting to spend some of our time out on the Presidium. Abby, the oddball that she was, even recruited Lynn and I into helping her don her soft yellow dress with its large skirt that went down to her ankles. We tied the bow in the back for her. I had to admit to myself, Abby could even make a look as old as this one look good, even fresh. Maybe it came from how she naturally carried herself aloof; I wasn't sure.

I still had few options of my own. After I donned a navy blouse and jeans, I saw Sarah approach in my mirror. She rolled her eyes at me. “This is the nicest thing you have, isn't it?” she asked. “How do you expect to ever have a date with so few clothes? You think men are just going to throw themselves at your feet at random? You gotta do your part.”

I mock glared at her, scrunching up my nose at her reflection. She saw it and copied me with the addition of sticking out the tip of her tongue at me. We chuckled together. “Sarah, I'm not really into— _that_. I just want to be who I am. People should see the real me no matter what I wear.”

“ _People_ should, but _men_ won't,” she chided me. “Believe me. I'm a senior in high school. I know things.”

Now _that_ was too rich for me, and I lost my entire composure, laughing uproariously. “You—have—so much—to learn, Munchkin.” When I finally regained my breath, I told her, “Oh Sarah, you're so funny.”

“Well, finally. About time you picked up on that. But I want you to know, I'm a little serious too. This is fine so long as you're looking to go home alone at 9:30.”

“Sarah!” I snapped. “Get your head out of the bedroom once in a while, and you might discover there's more to life than boys!”

“Like what? _Girls?_ ” she laughed.

I looked away from Sarah's eyes in the mirror and smoothed a wrinkle in my pants' leg, unable to come up with an adequate response. Sarah—none of my sisters had any idea that I was not simply a guy-only kind of girl. I'd always been careful about that secret attraction before because I had enough trouble in the military as it was. I was simply used to having to hide it. I'd never even actually gone out with any girls until Liara. “Well, I think this works for today,” I defended my selection.

“If you insist, big sis,” Sarah finally caved.

The two of us waited in the living room while Abby and Lynn dressed in my bedroom. Finally, we were all set to go. Together, the four of us took a shuttle to the Presidium and started to walk along the river that flowed down the length of it. We window-shopped occasionally, but none of us were hard-set on spending all our money here on the first day. Most of the time, we simply walked and talked.

“I recognize this part. The human embassy is up ahead,” I told them. “I went there after Eden Prime. If we kept going, we should come across the elevator up to the Citadel Tower.”

“What's in the Citadel Tower?” Lynn asked.

“The Citadel Council, of course,” I answered. “The three most powerful people on the Citadel.”

“You think they could lift the taxes on stuff I export to Citadel space?” Abby quipped.

I smiled and shrugged. “I have no idea how that all works, sis.”

She nodded. “I know. It's annoying to have to raise prices just because the goods pass an invisible line somewhere in empty space. Doesn't seem fair to me.”

I smirked. “Nothing that inconveniences you is ever 'fair,' Abby.”

Lynn and Sarah laughed. “She's got that right!”

Abby briefly faked a pout. “Hey! I'm the second-oldest, remember! I swear; I get a lot more respect when you aren't around, Ash.”

I chuckled and nodded my head. I could definitely see how things could work out that way. Maybe it was simply my purpose to keep Abby in her place, though, whenever I was around to do so. In any case, I wasn't about to feel guilty about it. Our family thrived on our jibes and teasing.

The four of us reached the Citadel Tower's base, where an Avina terminal launched into its spiel about the Tower and some of its history. I didn't listen much, preferring to take in the Tower's extreme height and my sisters' reactions to it. Sarah was enraptured by every word Avina had to share. Abby was somewhat interested. Lynn was the least interested, preferring to watch the aliens as they passed us by.

When some space opened up and removed any immediate threat of being overheard, Lynn confessed privately to me, “I don't know how you seem to have become such good friends with Liara so fast. When have the aliens been anything but bad news?”

“It didn't happen all at once,” I assured her. “It's been a long time since we both joined the _Normandy_. I distrusted Liara and the others from the start. But Liara—she pushed right through every barrier I had between us. She made me realize how much these aliens and I actually have in common. She's—special like that, I suppose. She has so much empathy it's staggering sometimes. I know that if you were to think about it, and if you were to see what I've seen on the _Normandy_ , you'd understand where I'm coming from a whole lot better. They may look nothing like us, but deep down we all share the same motivations: love, respect, anger, even fear.”

“They still don't look a thing like us,” Lynn objected.

“You remember reading about discrimination between white humans and black humans? Judged by the tone of our skin, of all things. What did that have to do with who a person was?”

“Nothing,” Lynn agreed readily, “but that's because we were still all _human_. Their brains are all different from ours in some ways.”

“I know,” I told her. “What I've come to realize is that a human's life experience can be similar to an alien's. Missing fathers, single mothers. Love, pride, and humility. The desire to feel safe and secure. If all these things that define a human experience are shared amongst all the other races in the galaxy, then the line between human and asari starts to break down just like the white and black line did.”

Lynn nodded. “So you became best friends with an asari. Liara.”

“The very best of friends,” I agreed with my sister. “I know that if you got to know her, you'd love her too.”

“I'll try,” Lynn promised. “It's just not easy to look beyond what you see. Blue skin. Strange head. Probably more than a couple traditions I know nothing about.”

“I'm not expecting you to change overnight,” I told her. “I didn't. But I'm glad you're willing to try. It means a lot to me, thanks.”

Lynn smiled. “Of course, Ash.”

The four of us doubled back. With a start, I recognized the Consort's chambers. I moved us past the door eagerly, not wanting to get drawn into a discussion about who exactly she was and what she did. I knew I'd probably just get it all wrong trying to explain it on my own.

For our second dinner, we cooked a big meal together, each helping out. The kitchen barely fit us all behind the counter, but we managed without any serious complaint. Abby volunteered to help me clean up while Sarah disappeared into my bedroom to lay down. Lynn watched some extranet news feeds from the mattress on the floor in front of the couch.

Abby passed me a rinsed-off plate. “The Citadel is amazing. Everything I've heard about it is true. The energy and time required to build something this big must have been enormous.”

“Thankfully the Protheans left it behind for us,” I chuckled. “Otherwise we'd never be able to duplicate a place like this.” _Or, if you believe Sovereign, the_ Reapers _left it behind... That's troubling to consider. But how could something so dedicated to destruction even care enough to create anything?_

“Your letter confused me, Ash,” Abby confessed. “It was strange to think of you, someone who knows better than anyone what we have to live with, would put yourself out there and connect with someone from another race. The only thing more surprising would have been to hear that person was a turian instead.”

I placed the dish on a drying rack for Abby. “Yeah.”

“What sparked it? What made it happen?”

“I found things in common with Liara and Wrex, a krogan. Two polar opposite races, two people whose appearance easily separates them from humans. It made me think about my preconceptions about what aliens were like. I wasn't expecting to find out that Liara wasn't a word person either. I wasn't expecting to find the honor code of a krogan Battle Master reminded me of my own loyalty oath. Those two lit the spark, and talking with Liara eventually sealed the deal.”

“But what about our history, Ashley? Through the war, through grandpa's own account, we've seen only a glimpse of what they can do to us. How can there be any trust there?”

“We want to think they're all the same, but they're not. I've been working alongside a krogan on Shepard's team for a long time now, and I trust him to have my back in a firefight, even if we're fighting other krogan. I trust _him_ , Abby. That's the whole secret to it. I had to look past their race to see for myself what kind of _people_ I'm dealing with, and Shepard's team is made up of nothing but dependable _people_.

“I think Grandpa and Dad would be proud to see me today. Working together with aliens is a good thing. It proves I'm a better person now. I'm still serving the Alliance, and that service is what always mattered most to both of them. If I can do a better job protecting Alliance citizens because I get help outside of the human race, then that's what they'd want me to do. Our family is about protecting people, and I'm still doing a kick-ass job at it, if you ask me.”

Abby burst out laughing before stifling the sound with a hand over her mouth. “Oh big sis, you know how much I miss talking with you? Your mission is so secretive that you can't even send us regular vidmails anymore.”

“I've missed you too, Abby.” We shared a moment gazing into each other's eyes. Abby only looked away in order to finish the dishes. As we worked quietly, I felt like something monumental had occurred here between us, and I was happier for it.

() () () () ()

Abby and Lynn were out shopping in the Wards today. Sarah wanted to stay in the apartment with me. She practiced some of her aikido forms and moves while I stretched and exercised myself. I could feel her watching me from the corner of her eyes. Paranoid, I wondered if she would be able to tell how serious the injuries had been that I was still recovering from.

“So this is what you do every day?” Sarah asked.

“Yeah,” I answered tersely as I extended my reach down to my toes.

“Just exercise in your apartment by yourself? You could at least go to a gym.”

“I prefer the solitude,” I told her. “Liara is more than enough company for a work-out session.”

Sarah did a headstand next to me, less of an aikido move and more of her signature move; she did it at least once every time I saw her exercise. From her upside-down posture, she remarked, “You always said gyms were a great place to look for guys that were hopefully worth the time of day since they take care of themselves.”

I could see upside-down Sarah watching my reaction, so I bemoaned breathily, “Sarah,” concentrating on counting numbers in my head until I could switch into another stretch.

“What? I _know_ you like to look, even if you _are_ a little stingy on the touching.” Sarah grinned and winked at me. I thrust out one hand as quickly as I could, and before it even registered in Sarah's mind, she was already toppling over from a forceful push to her thigh. She screamed in surprise. She landed loudly on her back and gasped, “Oof!”

I laughed as I straightened up to stand over her head. “You, little girl, are _far_ too forward for my tastes. Do you have some sort of romantic gossip quota to meet when it comes to your big sister?”

“Yes,” Sarah chipped in immediately, her voice mildly strained, “and you make it very hard on me to get it.” She fake-pouted.

I reached out and helped Sarah back to her feet. Once she was up, I replied, “I just haven't felt like it. I don't need anything from those nameless guys in the gyms. I'm happy with my life the way it is now.”

“What, sharing _hairstyles_ with Liara? C'mon, big sis, it's ok to admit you have _needs_. I do.”

“My needs are being met,” I blurted out before realizing how it would sound to Sarah.

Sarah gaped at me. “Your needs are _what_ now?” she shot back, astonished.

 _Oh crap!_ “Not like that,” I backpedaled quickly, panicked.

“No-no-no-no-no. You finish what you started. Spill!” Sarah's full attention bore into me like she was a powerful mining laser for gossip.

“There's nothing to start!” I insisted, finding it difficult to meet her stare. “What I meant was—that I—am happy.”

Sarah nodded slowly each time I paused. When I finished, she prodded, “Am happy with...”

I shot my little sister a nasty look. “Look, if you must know, I'm already interested in someone. We're not really ready to go public or anything, but I like the place we're at. I like how we can talk and just be anchors for each other's problems. Do I want more? Sure, but I'm in no rush and neither is—this other person.”

“You've been holding out on me!” Sarah concluded, acting hurt. “I should have known from the minute I saw you in the terminal. I can always tell.”

“There's nothing to tell; at least not yet, I mean. It's all very new, and we're still learning about each other.”

“So who is he? Please tell me you've reconsidered everything and gone with Shepard. He's so _cute!_ ”

I glared at her while answering, “No, it's not Shepard.”

“So who is it then? Come _on_ , do you really want me to get in trouble for searching through the _Normandy's_ current personnel roster? I will, and then I will start at the A's and work my way down.”

“You need to see a therapist,” I retorted. “Seriously, this much interest in my life can't be healthy.”

“You wound me,” Sarah countered facetiously. Sobering, she continued, “I'm merely a teenage student who has 'watched' her bigger sister casually date the occasional guy before giving up entirely for months at a time. I worry about you, you know. You're always away from the rest of us while serving in the Alliance, and you don't have anyone. You can't marry the Alliance you know; not to mention that the Alliance hasn't exactly had our family's best interests at heart. I don't want you to end your career as a soldier one day with no one around to take care of _you_.”

I smiled. “I take care of _myself_ ,” I told her.

Sarah rolled her eyes. “Duh! But even a super-soldier has to take a load off now and then! It isn't healthy, and you know it! _That's_ why I push you so hard. Somebody has to. Abby and Lynn; they just don't see what's going on here. They're too busy with their own drama sometimes.”

I was speechless. I'd always seen Sarah's prodding as an annoyance to be ignored. I'd never considered _why_ she did it so insistently. Sarah had touched my heart with her caring and love. Lowly, I whispered, “Hey,” and reached out to her.

Sarah came readily into my arms, and we hugged. The room was completely silent, as if it were holding its breath along with us. My love for my sister teared up my eyes as we stood in each other's arms. When we finally broke apart, I said, “Thank you, Sarah. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Ash,” Sarah answered.

“I want you to know I'll be fine, no matter what happens to me. I'll still have _you_ , won't I?”

“Of course,” Sarah agreed.

() () () () ()

Shore leave came to its inevitable conclusion only one day later. My sisters bid me farewell and made plans to return to Amaterasu. I ended the rental of my Citadel accommodations, somewhat sorry to see it go. I boarded the ship alongside Liara, each of us carrying our personal effects back aboard. The crew began to stow all their things back where they belonged, and the _Normandy_ came back to life. Everything was checked and double-checked before Pressley gave Shepard the green light.

As soon as he had it, Commander Shepard ordered us to depart from the Citadel. We were back to navigating between mass relays, intent on reaching some destination at the best possible speed. Joker knew the location, but the Spectre had yet to share it with the rest of us who were not on the bridge when the order was given.

Shepard called a meeting of his team together in the comm room. I expected we would finally be brought up to speed. I tried to read his expression as I entered, but it was the very definition of neutral, and I had no idea if the news he was bringing us would be good or bad. I desperately hoped it was the former.

“We have a lead on Saren,” Shepard answered our unspoken question very deliberately. I noticed a momentarily look of worry when he glanced at Liara, but it was quickly covered up beneath a poker face once again. Liara might not have caught it, but I did. _What does that have to do with Liara?_ “The Council has discovered that one of the countless corporations where Saren is a stockholder was active in former rachni territory, especially around old battlefields from the war, as recently as a month ago. The corporation is headquartered on Noveria. That's where we’re going. My hope is that Saren will either be there himself, or we’ll find a link to him that we can exploit.

“The planet is not a part of Citadel space, and the Council has a tentative relationship with the various corporations that own and run the planet. Spectres are allowed the same authority to act that they have in Citadel space, but I'm on a tighter leash, especially on a diplomatic level. They’ll be watching my every move. Their greatest loyalty is to themselves, so I have to be careful not to rock the boat to keep them on my side.”

“Noveria does all the controversial stuff, don't they?” I asked, remembering things I'd heard about the planet from the extranet.

Shepard nodded. “It could be bad. The corporations that set up shop on Noveria pay big fees in order to conduct their business in seclusion, away from the public eye. Their stated project goals span everything from developing artificial intelligence to researching bioamps and implants for biotics, to developing a cure for the genophage. Before anyone asks, the project for the genophage cure isn't connected to Saren, and it failed less than a month ago. The krogan investors sued for their money back; old news.”

Shepard sighed. “The truth is we have no idea what Saren wanted from his Noveria connections. We're all going to have to be extra careful over there. The last thing I need is to fight the entirety of Port Hanshan's privately hired security forces to get through to our enemy. Not to mention the stink it'll cause between Noveria and the Citadel races. Unfortunately, that means I have to take a small team into the Port. I've decided that it will be Garrus, Wrex, and myself.”

I was shocked to discover that I'd be sitting the mission out. “Sir! With respect, allow me to accompany you. You can't go in there without backup,” I reasoned.

“It's the way it has to be,” Shepard steadfastly resolved. “I'm sorry, Chief, but this is the way the chips fall this time. I need strong biotic backup and someone with the tech and investigative skills to see evidence that even I would miss. Noveria only allows Spectres to have two armed people accompanying them, and you're no good to me without your guns.”

I wasn't ready to back down yet. “With all due respect, Sir, diplomacy be damned. You're a Spectre, and this mission is a matter of galactic security. We should _all_ be able to go.”

“I've thought this through, Chief. My way is the best way of getting through the Port. The more stir I create at Port Hanshan, the more likely it is that we tip off Saren before we get to him. It's a stealth and reconnaissance mission, not an assault.”

I bit down on my tongue to stop my retort from leaving my lips. _You're being weak by giving into their demands._ Shepard shrugged a brief apology at me before focusing on Wrex and Garrus. _Well, at least he's considerate enough to give me that,_ I thought dryly, letting out a quiet huff in disapproval.

“Garrus, Wrex, I want both of you geared up and on the bridge when we dock at Noveria. We'll enter Port Hanshan, get security to clear us, and rent a vehicle from Hanshan for transportation on the surface.”

The turian and krogan nodded their acquiescence to Shepard's command, and the meeting was adjourned. I couldn't let it go, however. I'd been a part of this mission from the start, and I'd be damned if I had to sit it out and wait for news. There had to be _something_ I could do, even if Shepard wouldn't take me along in his team.

I headed to the bridge, glancing at Pressley. Shepard had left the CIC for the mess hall, probably to eat a high-carb meal so he'd have plenty of energy for the mission. It was what I'd do. I could talk to the XO in relative privacy right now...

I furrowed my brow in consternation. The very idea of groveling at Pressley's feet irked me, but if I wanted in on this mission, he might be my only way in. I'd have to talk to him, and be civil at the very least. I took a deep breath before approaching him and requesting a few minutes to talk. Pressley agreed, placing another officer in charge of the deck until he returned. We headed into the comm room together, but for once, it'd be for a completely different reason than before.

“Sir, I think Shepard's making a mistake on this mission to Noveria. We were almost all killed on Virmire while we were together. Now is no time to be splitting up the team in half.”

Pressley shrugged. “It's his call, Gunnery Chief.”

“I know, but—” I paused, sighed, and took a deep breath. “We are both loyal to the Commander, through thick and thin. I know you feel the same way I do about this mission. Things are going to go wrong without more people there to help him.”

“Again, his call.” Pressley seemed annoyed.

“What if we brainstormed something together. An alternate plan. We might convince him to change his mind. All I want is a chance. If he still says no, I'll let the matter drop.”

Pressley went over to the holographics controls and brought up the main screen, displaying a cached view of Port Hanshan on Noveria. Vital statistics were listed to the right of the image. The Port was well armed, with both anti-ship batteries and lots of security personnel to stop people on the ground. I could see why the Commander had been so worried about pissing them off. These people collected more weapons than Saren did at Virmire.

“Wow,” I interjected.

Pressley harrumphed. “You said it, Chief. This place is better armed than some of our bigger colonies. There's no way we can take them on in a fight. They'll rip the ship to shreds.”

“What about the topography outside of the port?” I asked. “Could you circumvent Hanshan and drop me off somewhere where I can link up with Shepard later?”

The view zoomed out to a computerized simulation of a mountain range. Port Hanshan sat right in the middle of the mountains at the only significantly sized area that was level. “There's no room to drop the mako, and if we don't go directly to Hanshan, they'll ask questions. Chances of finding an LZ are low.”

I stared at the simulated world, trying to see a solution where there seemed to be nothing. “What about Hanshan? Can I leave the ship after we dock at the Port?”

Pressley shook his head. “This Port was built with that kind of thing in mind. There's sensor drones at every berth watching all the angles. They'll know the moment you step one foot outside of this ship.”

“There must be something,” I growled, not at Pressley, but more in response to my growing frustration with the problem.

Pressley paged through some more data about Noveria. “Their radar net has a lot of holes thanks to the uneven surface of the mountains. I suggested to the Commander that the reinforcements get dropped off somewhere in one of these blind spots before the _Normandy_ reaches a berth. He pointed out that Noveria traffic control would pick up our extra delay while deploying soldiers and send some drones to check it out. Then there'd be hell to pay. Noveria won't hesitate to call our reinforcements an invasion force, and after that they can do some very nasty things to you and to the ship.”

“So you're saying we can't drop with the mako, and rappelling is out because of the time needed to stop and hover above a potentially workable LZ.”

“That's what I'm saying, yes,” Pressley replied. “Unless you sprout wings and fly yourself down, I don't see a way to do this. Shepard's right; he usually is.”

I sighed, rubbing my temples to alleviate the mounting tension there. “All right, Commander. Thanks for your time.”

“You come up with another solution, let me know,” Pressley concluded, shutting down the holographics. We both knew it was a hollow order because neither of us expected to find a solution.

Dejected, I left the bridge and found Liara in her lab. She was tinkering with her Prothean data card reader. I could see one of the data cards sitting near it. I opened with, “I don't know how you did it.”

Liara looked up, shooting me a raised eyebrow. “Did what?”

“Sat around while I got to gallivant around, messing up bad guys with my boomstick.”

She smiled and turned back around to continue her work. I had a very nice view of her slim behind while she was bent over her work, and I shamelessly took the opportunity to drink it in. Liara truly had it all when it came to a sexy body. I was intimidated, perhaps more than a little jealous, too.

“—counting medical supplies with Doctor Chakwas.”

At the mention of my doctor, I shook my head to clear it and focus on what she was saying. “What?” I asked incredulously.

“I know it sounds rather inane, but it did help me keep my mind occupied for a few hours. We even found a couple of miscounted items and fixed her inventory.”

“Yeah, that's not going to work for me. I need action. I need a rifle in my hands, an an enemy on the other side of my barrel. I talked with Pressley; I tried to find a way to deploy without anyone on Noveria finding out about it. Easier said than done. They've buttoned up the planet pretty well considering the topography of the Port's mountain range.”

“You may have to resign yourself to the inevitable,” Liara informed me. “I haven't seen the information on Noveria myself, but it sounds like security is a major concern for the world considering the size of corporations that can afford their rates. The threat of industrial espionage probably drove them to police-state levels of security and surveillance.”

I said nothing, but moved over to my favorite crate and half-sat on it again. I sighed as I relaxed against it. Liara finished her work placing her tools down. She smiled and walked over to join me. She half-sat too, but unlike last time, this time she was close enough to touch her hip with mine.

“I'm sorry, Ash. I know you want to be there for the Commander, but that is not always feasible. Perhaps next time. If there _is_ a next time...” Liara paused, falling deep into thought. “Isn't it odd how the Commander kept the briefing so general? At one time I thought he had a lead on one of Saren's agents, but at another time he quite clearly said the lead was on Saren himself. Usually we know exactly what he does; he's always been very transparent with us. This time he was avoiding telling us anything. I wonder why. Did something change while we were on the Citadel?”

I shrugged, remembering Shepard's strange glance at Liara during the briefing. “Something's off. All the more reason for us to be going on this mission. It makes me nervous.”

Liara tilted her head so it could rest against my left shoulder. She leaned against me like that for a minute before speaking. “And you're certain there's no way to get down there without being discovered?”

I rested my head against hers as if that were an answer. She seemed to get the message. She coiled our hands that were nearest each other together in a tight hold. “So you're just giving up?”

“I think you know me better than that,” I replied dryly.

“Of course,” she answered, smiling. “I was hoping it would challenge you to try harder.”

“I may have to start calling you my drill instructor, Liara, if you keep this up.”

She laughed. “I would be a horrible instructor for anything. I belong in the field, studying things, not trying to explain them to a room full of students.”

I smirked, imaging her heroic, but doomed attempts to teach and interact with teens and twenty-something's at some university. “How's the reader?” I asked, diverting.

“It's ready,” she stated. “I've made all the fixes I can make based on the information I gained from the failed attempt to access one of the cards we have. I just have to muster enough courage to actually try it on a second card. It was very hard, destroying the first card. I can't imagine what information it held that was wasted by my failure. I don't want that to happen again.”

I nodded, and since our heads still rested together, Liara felt it move. She sighed, adding, “I guess, sometimes it takes a leap of faith.”

I imagined taking a death-defying jump at a high altitude based on faith. It reminded me of the jumps I'd taken off the _Normandy's_ deck, having faith in my rappelling equipment. I imagined trying to do that without the rappelling gear there, perhaps as the ship was higher in the air and moving. It was utterly ridiculous to think that someone could survive a fall like that.

_Not unless you can fly._

_Flying would be pretty helpful on missions. Hanar can fly. Well, they float anyway. Like pink balloons._

_But we're not hanar. If only jet packs were practical—_

_Wait a minute. What if I_ could _fly? Or at the very least,_ control _my fall, since that's what flying really is..._

I straightened immediately as my mind whirled. Liara lifted her head and turned to look at me. As realization dawned in my eyes, I shut them tight, guffawed, and smacked the palm of my hand into my forehead. “Of course! That's it, Liara! Flying's the key! Thank you!” I turned towards her, smiling big, and gave her a big noisy kiss on her forehead, one hand cupping each cheek. I pulled away quickly. “I—uh—I gotta go, sorry. I have to talk to the Commander!” I jumped off the crate and quickly headed to the door.

I turned back to her as the door opened. “I'm sorry, I know you wanted to talk about your work some more, but—well, we don't have a lot of time before Noveria, and I'll try to make it up to you later...”

She laughed, motioning for me to go. “It's all right, Ash. It'll keep. Go!”

I smiled as wide as I could. “You're the best,” I told her before spinning around to leave.

I quickly headed up to the bridge and pulled Pressley aside. Commander Shepard had the deck, and the navigator-slash-executive-officer was looking rather bored without anything to do. “Commander, I have an idea. You said there's nothing we can do unless I can _fly_.”

Pressley looked at me quizzically. “Yes, I think I said something like that. There something in your genetic package not listed in your file?”

I shook my head. “I'm sure it's complete, Commander. No wings. But—maybe a battlefield equipment pod.”

“A battlefield pod?” Pressley asked with surprise. Then, he seemed to catch on. “You mean the equipment drop pods that deliver weapons to the field? How'll that work? The hit to the ground is ok for most weapons and such stored in our pods, but it might break quite a few bones in a person, if not kill them.”

I smirked. “Well, how do you deliver sensitive electronics equipment when it's necessary to drop _them_ with an equipment pod?”

Pressley thought about it for a moment before answering. “We replace the air in the pod with gel to distribute the shock throughout the pod and keep the equipment from absorbing the worst of it. More energy is absorbed by the pod's shell instead.”

I nodded. “That's what I'm going to do with the drop pods. Climb in, strap in, and use my suit's oxygen reserves in full-seal helmet mode. Then somebody closes them up and fills the pods with gel. You fire them at the surface near Hanshan, and we disembark from there.”

Pressley began dissecting the idea aloud. “The pods should be able to escape detection thanks to them being small as well as designed for that exact purpose, but it'll still be a tight squeeze for a whole person even after we pull out the weapon racks and other innards of the pod.”

“Thankfully, the only ones of us left to deploy are all girls of lesser stature and not six-foot-six men.” I smirked.

Pressley considered this, and then looked to Shepard, wetting his lips before speaking. “Sir, could you come here a moment?”

Shepard looked at us, and his focus seemed to center on my grin. He narrowed his eyes, knowing I was up to something, but unsure what to expect. He strode down the ramp and over to our corner of the CIC where we stood. “What is it, Commander?”

Pressley looked to me. “I think our Gunnery Chief has been hiding her ingenuity from us for a while now. You might like this one. It's—gutsy.”

I smiled, remembering my commendation for “gutsy” maneuvering on Titan back in the Sol system. _Even when I was in training, gutsy was exactly what I was good at doing,_ I reminded myself. _That's why I know we're going to do it._


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

 

It was pitch black, and I could sense the walls encasing me, although I could not see them. To distract myself from the constricting feeling, I listened intently to my radio. I could overhear that Joker was all business as the comm signal to Noveria was patched into my channel. “Approach control, this is _SSV Normandy_ requesting a vector and a berth.”

“ _Normandy_ , your arrival was not scheduled. Our defense grid is armed and tracking you. State your business.”

“Citadel business. We have a Council Spectre aboard.” There was a hint of smugness in Joker's reply; easy to miss unless you knew him as well as I and others aboard the _Normandy_ knew him.

“Landing access granted, _Normandy._ Be advised, we will be confirming identification upon arrival. If confirmation cannot be established, your vessel _will_ be impounded.”

Joker closed his comm signal to Noveria, but left the one to my team open. To Shepard and I, he added ruefully, “What a fun bunch. I think I'll take my next leave here.” I laughed. The comm signal being sent to me was then closed as well.

I felt the acceleration of the ship as we moved through the atmosphere of Noveria, a noticeable force against my body that kept me moving along the same course as the rest of the ship. It was disorienting since I couldn't see anything, nor predict what motions would be thrust upon me. I really couldn't move at all. The gel surrounding me could flow, somewhat, but it was still much thicker than, say, water. This situation made me quite uncomfortable and a little claustrophobic, which normally didn't bother me, but I definitely wanted out of this pod the moment it was conceivable.

Pressley's voice carried from my comm to my ears. “We're ready for launch. Hold tight, Falling Star.”

Suddenly, I felt myself being pushed towards the ceiling of my pod as it was ejected from the ship. I grunted with surprise, but the intense forces lasted barely a second before I was free-falling through the air, no longer pushed by the small catapult designed for launching battlefield equipment pods. It sat next to the mako and its catapult, smaller and weaker because it didn't need to be as fast or powerful as the mako's. Both used the mako door as the point of egress from the ship.

The pod was designed to stabilize itself in the air, using air brakes at the top to keep it oriented correctly and lower its speed a little bit. Thus, after only a few seconds of pirouetting through the air, I felt the spinning motions slow to a stop and simply free-fell towards the ground. As it neared the end of its journey, small rockets mounted to the air brakes lit to further slow the pod. This was the only warning I had that my return to the dirt was about to come to a complete and sudden halt. I tensed, but no amount of bracing on my part could change what would end up happening to me next.

The pod jerked with a sudden crash that sounded like a muted-yet-all-encompassing _boom_ to me from inside with the goo surrounding me. I had no idea what shock gel was made from, but I understood that it was a rather new scientific development and expensive to create. This would surely set our ship's operational budget a bit further back—but I hardly cared. This was exactly what our ship's money was for. I was on Noveria, and now that the shaking was coming to a stop, I began checking myself over, trying to move each appendage. Everything felt ok, but my neck was sore from the impact.

The pods received a coded short-range signal from the _Normandy_ that caused them to pop open on their own. Explosive bolts blew the hatch off, and I noticed the blowing snow for the first time. It was blowing extremely hard, and visibility was low. That was going to make finding my team more difficult, but it also meant Noveria's security had no hope of spotting the pods being launched.

I climbed out of the pod, gel clinging to my armor and dripping off in big drops that were rather cool to watch. I started to slick some of the clinging gel off with my gloved hands. The air was far too cold for a human to survive in, so I kept myself sealed in my suit. I only had about a half hour before the cold would worm its icy fingers inside my suit's environment and freeze me to death out here. If all went to plan, Shepard and his snow vehicle would arrive before then. If not, well, the _Normandy_ would have to leave dock and pick us up, giving away our secret and putting us in some serious hot water with the locals.

I used my omni-tool to track the other two encoded signals and intercepted Tali's pod. From there, the two of us proceeded to the final signal and picked up Liara. All three of us were uninjured, only a little rattled and sore. We kept radio contact to a minimum between us to avoid detection. Following the map on our omni-tools, we headed for the road leading toward Port Hanshan.

Trudging through knee-high snow and blustery winds over uncertain terrain made us all slow and cautious. I found a ridge relatively protected from the gale-force winds, and we bunkered down together. I drew my sniper rifle and tried to peer through the blowing snow to spot any traffic on the road below, of which I could barely make out a small portion. It didn't surprise me that no one was out on this road trying to drive through this. Concentrating on seeing the road strained my eyes; the weather on this planet was worse than anything someone might see on Amaterasu, except in the most extreme cases. At least, I noted, my ridge had a soft descent to the road for when the time came to leave it.

With our radios on low power, our signals wouldn't carry very far beyond our immediate location, lowering the chance of detection. Liara used the opportunity to speak up. “You did it, Ashley. You got us down here safely.” I was somewhat prickled to hear her sounding surprised.

Unable to resist, I teased, “What, didn't you believe me? I knew it would work. In fact, I think we should design new pods—bigger ones—with the express purpose of carrying people down to the surface. Frigates can rarely afford to hover around the front lines deploying troops with rappelling lines. I think I got Adams excited about it. He might build us a prototype.”

“The extra room would be nice,” Tali added quickly. “Those pods were too small, even for us. It was obviously designed for equipment, not for people.”

I shrugged. “We made do. Maybe next time we can have proper pods for people, and it won't be so bad. Now, radio silence, please. You might remember we're on a covert mission here?”

There was no answer. I smiled, leaning back. I used one arm to pull each of them closer, trying to keep the heat escaping our suits where it might be shared between us while still maintaining some small level of propriety. It didn't help much, but every second counted while we huddled in wait of Commander Shepard.

Twenty-six minutes later, I was about to radio an emergency abort signal to the _Normandy_ , but I forced myself to wait a minute longer, watching the road. All three of us had lost a lot of heat into the cold beyond our suits and were beginning to enter hypothermia. At least no one had stopped shivering yet, which was an important indicator of when things would start going downhill fast. Both my squad mates assured me they were fine with waiting ten minutes longer, but I knew I couldn't risk it. If Shepard didn't show up soon, we'd have to scrub the mission if we wanted to get pulled back aboard the ship before we became popsicles. _So much for my brilliant idea. I'd better hope Pressley's ready to break Hanshan's rules and come save us. I really thought the dangerous part was behind us already._

I saw headlights on the road below us. I quickly clicked on the radio to our secure channel and inquired, “Welcome Wagon, this is Falling Star. Repeat, Welcome Wagon, this is Falling Star. Come in, please.”

Commander Shepard's voice came over the radio a moment later. “Chief, it's good to hear your voice. Is everyone ok?”

“We're fine, but it's damn cold out here. You're coming up on us in five. Four. Three. Two. One. Halt.”

The headlights stopped moving along the road. Tali, Liara, and I stiffly rose to our feet and began to descend the hill towards the vehicle. We climbed inside quickly and sealed the door shut behind us. I deactivated the full-seal helmet to let the tiny cold air pockets in my armor more readily mix with the warm air of the vehicle's cabin. It was a spacious wagon, seating eight, with some room in the back for extra gear. The vehicle used wide tracks with bogeys for traction just like old tanks.

Shepard gave us a few details while he drove. “We're on our way to a facility on Noveria known as Peak Fifteen. It's a research base for Binary Helix. Saren has a small fortune in stocks in the company. According to Citadel records, he's been building a large portfolio for years in many interstellar companies like this one.”

“Stock trading seems like an odd occupation for a Spectre,” I noted while rubbing my hands together.

Shepard laughed. “You noticed that too, eh? I have a feeling he did it to extend his influence. One of those 'just in case' policies. Saren was the Citadel's top agent for a reason. He may have always worked solo, but he never had to work alone. Contacts and businesses in which he owned stock could be assets he could use at any time for any reason. It made him adaptable to whatever the mission required.”

I looked out the window before commenting quietly, “Too bad he was such a good agent. Maybe if he was middle-of-the-road we wouldn't have to freeze to death on hellish corporate worlds hunting him down.”

Shepard nodded. “Maybe, but don't worry. We'll catch him. I have a feeling we're very close.”

At this, I looked up at a mirror near the ceiling in the front of the vehicle. Wrex shot me a meaningful look through this mirror as if to say that Shepard's final statement was very important. I frowned. _Since when does Wrex get to know what's going on and I don't? This is very strange..._

“When we get to the garage, I want Williams and T'Soni to secure it,” Shepard told us. “The rest of us will head down into the mountain. Williams, keep an open channel to the _Normandy_ for us. We'll use you to relay any important messages back to the ship.”

“What, like 'watch out, road icy'?” I asked facetiously. Shepard wasn't even doing me the small kindness of hiding that he was sidelining us unnecessarily. “They can't really do anything without breaking half a dozen of Noveria's regulations, announcing our presence to every hostile at Peak Fifteen, and possibly getting shot out of the sky before they even get here. We've already been over this; we're on our own.”

Shepard suddenly wasn't in the mood to argue. “Just keep the garage and this vehicle secure,” he told me. I frowned. _Stranger and stranger, and this is really starting to get on my nerves..._

It took another half hour of methodical travel through the blinding snowstorm to reach the Peak Fifteen garage. We headed immediately inside and parked. The garage was well heated so people could work inside the garage, and the heavy insulated door that closed behind us kept the frigid outside temperatures at bay. I had my shotgun out since there were a lot of vehicles, equipment, and metal shipping boxes providing cover in the huge warehouse of a garage. Any contact with hostiles would be up close and personal as one or both happened around a corner.

Shepard called up the schematics for Peak Fifteen and set a rendezvous point at the far side of the garage where a security checkpoint formed the sole entrance to the actual research complex. We split up to cover the garage better, checking for hostiles. My omni-tool detected the presence of power supplies and kinetic barriers, but only those of my allies elsewhere in the garage with me. The geth were considerably further advanced in hiding the emissions of their armor and shields, so I had to assume they were here and merely hiding from my sensors.

Since my tool's scan wasn't very helpful to my sweep of the garage, I turned it off and relied on my God-given senses. As I turned a corner around a big shipping crate, I heard a scream clear across the garage, distorted by the trademark sound of a vocalizer. _Tali!_ my mind shouted. I quickly began threading through the garage, barely checking around corners before exposing myself and continuing in the direction of her scream.

I heard Garrus shout, “Geth! Tali, move!” and then everything was drowned out by the sound of automatic gunfire. I moved as quickly as I could without being reckless, but I also felt like I was going to be too late. I wanted to move faster, but I reigned in that suicidal impulse. Moving faster would only get me blindsided by a geth and killed.

I checked around a corner and saw the back of a red geth that towered above me disappear around the next corner. _Geth juggernaut. Pretty big and nasty compared to most geth._ I moved as silently as I could to hit it while its attention was diverted away from me. _A few shells to its backside should really screw it up,_ I told myself.

I spun around the next corner, shotgun already up and ready to fire. To my surprise, it wasn't facing towards Tali's scream with its back to me. Instead, it had turned around in order to ambush me. I fired one shell that got absorbed into its kinetic barriers before it swiped at me with one big arm. I flew back ten feet into the side of a parked forklift. I barely kept the shotgun in one hand, and it went off again, the shot striking the floor beside me. I grunted as the air was forced from my lungs by the impact.

Wasting no time, I dove away from the forklift, putting a metal box between the geth and I. A moment later, a rocket slammed into the forklift, causing it to explode into a thousand pieces, many of which hit my kinetic barriers and drained them significantly. I felt the heat roar over my back painfully. The explosion was far too close for comfort. One of the forklift's wheels landed beyond me, on fire, bouncing and rolling away. I scrambled to my feet immediately and raced after it. The juggernaut would soon be upon the wreckage, looking to confirm its kill. I wasn't going to wait around for it to finish the job. I pulled a grenade and tossed it near the metal box I'd gotten behind when the explosion went off. When the geth came around the corner, he'd get a rude surprise.

One moment later, he did just that, with his heavy assault rifle at the ready. He glanced to the ground as if expecting to find me lying sprawled out and defenseless. Instead, he saw the grenade and leaned backwards, but it was too late for him. The grenade detonated, depleting his shields instantly. I ran up to him as he fell on his back from the force of the explosion. I fired two shells that weren't very effective due to range, but the third connected squarely with his chest. I let up on the trigger, then pulled it again without hesitation. A fourth shell completely obliterated its chest, right where its neck connected the flashlight head to the rest. The head lulled to one side and the 'flashlight' went dark. I kicked his large weapon away from him. It resisted; it was heavy, and his hand was still intertwined with it. Giving a second, harder kick, the weapon came free and skittered across the smooth floor beyond his reach.

Silence filled the garage again. Garrus reported that he had reached Tali and had killed three targets. _Good thing he got to Tali in time._ I checked my omni-tool and saw both of them moving carefully about twenty meters away behind more equipment and boxes.

I moved over to the geth's weapon and checked it over. It was in good condition; apparently my wild shotgun spray hadn't damaged it. _The geth assault rifle I already have is pretty standard. Weak compared to that thing, maybe even weaker than some good human assault rifles. I could swap the one I have for this bad boy, though, assuming I can handle its weight._ I took to one knee and set my shotgun on the ground next to me. I picked up the juggernaut's weapon by its wide barrel before flipping it around and attempting to hold it properly, testing my ability to reach the trigger. It was a little unwieldy for me, but all my exercising was paying off. I could certainly handle the heavy weapon in a pinch. The next question, still a potential deal-breaker, was if I could handle its kickback.

First, I'd have to disable the weapon's security system in order to fire it, just like I'd done before on my current geth assault rifle. For now, I decided to switch the two assault rifles around, so I attached the larger weapon on my armor clips on my back. Thankfully, my armor's clips still fit together well with the weapon. Then I stowed my shotgun and readied my assault rifle. I continued sweeping the garage. Shepard ordered everyone to report in.

“Williams here. I came across a geth juggernaut and destroyed it. On my way to rendezvous point.”

“Liara here, I haven't seen any geth yet. On my way to the rendezvous point.”

“Garrus here. Tali took a hard punch to the chest from a geth destroyer. She's a little shaken up but ok. We're proceeding together towards the rendezvous point.”

“Wrex here. I found a pack of shock troopers trying to flank T'Soni and took them out. Too easy.” I held in a chuckle as I recognized the haughtiness in his voice.

“Tali here. I'm fine, everybody. We'll see you at the rendezvous point.”

I arrived second at the rendezvous point, Liara having beat me. She smiled upon reuniting with me and looked questioningly at my heavy geth assault rifle clipped to my armor. I smirked. “War trophies,” I stated by way of explanation.

The two of us took up positions guarding our location from the rest of the garage in case more geth showed up. None did, and soon the whole team was reassembled at the doorway. I caught a flash of surprise in Shepard's eyes when he saw my trophy, but it was quickly hidden behind respect. Garrus got us past the security checkpoint with a computer hack, and we entered a narrow hallway.

“Offline weapon turrets,” Garrus warned the rest of us. Thoughtfully, he added, “Aren't they facing the wrong way?”

Shepard and I, both about in the middle of the single-file procession, saw the turrets at about the same time. Commander Shepard stated, “Looks like they're not here to keep us out—but to keep something else _in._ ”

I didn't like the sound of that and moved past the turrets silently. I worried they'd spontaneously come to life to shoot me in the back as I walked past, but nothing happened. We left the turrets behind and reached an elevator to take us down into the mountain.

“T'Soni, Williams. Head back to the security checkpoint and guard the garage from there. Any geth coming in after us _does not_ get past you and into the mountain. Clear?”

“Yes, Sir,” I acknowledged.

“Very well, Commander,” Liara piped up.

The elevator door separated us from the rest, and they began descending deeper into the mountain. Liara and I turned around to once again pass the turrets on our way to the security checkpoint.

Something about Shepard's order continued to bug me. “Why not Tali?” I asked.

Liara didn't follow. “What?”

“Tali took a hit to the chest by a destroyer. Those things are good at physically ramming you really hard. It's the other thing they like to do besides firing heavy assault rifles. She's gotta have bruised ribs at a minimum. Yet, he took Tali down into unsecured territory with him in pursuit of Saren and left us to guard the secured garage. It's almost like—he doesn't want _us_ near him.”

Liara and I were deathly quiet as we passed the turrets, which still remained offline. I breathed a sigh of relief once we passed them. Liara finally answered, “Perhaps it is not personal in that way. What if there is something down there that Shepard doesn't want us to know about?”

“Maybe. What could it be, though, I wonder? Shepard's always been frank about the mission and how much he knows. He trusts us.”

Neither of us could answer such a question. “I do not know,” Liara admitted.

We arrived at the garage and took up cover near the security checkpoint's door. Any geth would have to walk right in between us to get through that door. I looked over the garage. It was ominously quiet.

“Can you help me hack this rifle?” I asked, inviting Liara to come closer and inspect it. I pulled it off my back.

“I suppose,” Liara agreed. “Hacking weapons is not really my strong suite.”

“I'll help,” I pledged, “and so will Tali's hacking program that she gave me. It'll be worth the effort if we can disable its security measures so I can fire it. Tali's program worked really well before; her tech skills are incredible when it comes to geth.”

The two of us worked with my omni-tool's copy of Tali's program for a few minutes before the geth weapon was successfully reprogrammed.

“Mind if I fire a few quick bursts with this thing?” I asked eagerly.

“So long as you're careful about what you shoot,” Liara qualified.

“Sure.” I got on one knee and hefted the weapon up against my right shoulder. My right finger brushed the trigger, and my left held the weapon up near the front-bottom along its long, bulky barrels. I aimed at an already-damaged ground vehicle's cabin, similar in design to Shepard's ride. I pulled the trigger and instantly felt the weapon come alive.

The weapon bucked surprisingly little for its immense size. The geth had better recoil dampening technology, apparently, than human weapons. Its bullets tore through glass, shattering it, as well as tearing large holes into the metal door. _Might be loaded with anti-armor rounds._ When I stopped, the passenger door of this particular vehicle was doing a good impression of Swiss cheese. I began looking over the weapon for other controls. I knew it launched rockets from the larger barrel. I'd seen it in Saren's weapon, and the juggernaut had fired a rocket at the forklift with this exact weapon as well. They were probably the same weapon model in both cases, but I didn't know for certain.

The only thing I could find was a big red glowing button on one side. _Well, this can't be bad,_ I thought to myself, imaging pressing the red button only to discover the weapon had a self-destruct. _What a waste, though. It's easier to just make a grenade. A weapon like this is too expensive to be using like a grenade. Not to mention, 'enemies' like me aren't supposed to be able to even use the weapon. I'll really have to thank Tali again._

I aimed at the unfortunate vehicle once more. “Hang on,” I warned Liara.

I pressed the button, which was easily accessible with my right thumb. I heard a hiss emitted from deep inside the weapon, and just then the weapon seemed to come alive and thrash. Only my absolute best iron-clad grip kept the weapon from flying right out of my hands. A rocket spewed out of the big barrel, streaking in a straight line under its own power. The bucking had absolutely ruined my aim, however, and the rocket sailed right above the roof of the vehicle, my intended target, and slammed into a tall crate behind it. A loud, earth-shattering explosion shook the ground. When the fireball and flames died away enough to see beyond the vehicle again, the shipping box behind it was simply... gone. At least, the part I could see from this angle was gone.

“Oh that is just too cool,” I ginned at Liara, who looked shocked.

“I have a renewed sense of respect for geth weaponry,” she stated. “They are truly dangerous, aren't they?”

I nodded. “Yes, yes they are. Fortunately most geth don't carry weapons this big.” My decision between my two geth assault rifles was made. I put down the new toy next to the smaller geth assault rifle. I pulled the smaller one's ammo block, confirmed the chamber was empty, and tossed it aside. It fell between a crate and the nearby wall, unobtrusively hidden from most angles. Stowing the ammo block, I resumed using the _rocket_ assault rifle, as I decided to call it. I rested it against the cover I sat behind so I wouldn't waste all my energy holding it up for hours, pointing it at an empty warehouse. “Shame we can't put it to good use with Shepard.”

Liara didn't answer, scanning the garage for targets that didn't appear to exist. To bide my time, I opened up my omni-tool and began hacking together a link between it and my new weapon. It took a while, as I had to stop regularly to look out across the garage, but my multitasking eventually paid off. The link was established, and I hacked through its weapon transmissions and altered their outputs to an Alliance encryption. The last thing I needed was the geth to find a way to reach their weapon remotely and surprise me in some fashion, possibly shutting it down. Now it was completely locked out so long as the geth didn't have physical access to my weapon.

With access to the weapon link, I was able to find out that the weapon was undamaged just as I'd observed when I first picked it up, and it had a tall armor-piercing block with thousands of rounds remaining. It only had four rockets left, however. I sighed with disappointment. Chances were good those would be the only four rockets it would _ever_ have now. I regretted my earlier wasting of a whole rocket in the name of testing the weapon. Well, _slightly_ regretted—it had still been too much fun.

I noticed some systems power up in the security checkpoint near our position. I motioned to Liara, who looked over her shoulder to observe the unexpected event as well. Quietly, I told her, “I'm going to go check it out. Stay here.”

I sheathed my rocket assault rifle and pulled my pistol. The quarters in the security checkpoint were extremely tight, too tight for a heavy assault weapon, and the shotgun would likely cause collateral damage to the computers that had powered on. Last, but certainly not least in my mind, the checkpoint had windows to observe everything going on in the garage, and looking through them I'd already confirmed that ninety-five percent of the small room hid no lurking enemies.

The door opened before me and a holographic interface engaged as soon as I approached it. A human woman appeared, her avatar wearing a Binary Helix uniform. One lock of stray hair fell neatly between her eyes and across her nose. I realized she must be a VI in charge of the facility.

“Hello. This station is monitored to respond to the name 'Mira'. Can I ask your name?”

“Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, _SSV Normandy_. Mira, what's going on here? There were synthetic soldiers in the garage.”

“I was offline until only a few moments ago,” Mira told me. “I have no information on synthetic life forms. They are not authorized arrivals.”

“Show me any cameras that have detected movement, Mira,” I ordered. “Let's see how many are here.”

The screens surrounding Mira came alive and began displaying various camera angles. Four of them were different views of our team as they advanced into the facility. The final one was beyond what they'd secured thus far. I saw a tiny green rodent skitter across the floor, followed by a mammoth bug with large pincers at the ends of dexterous, boneless arms.

“Freeze frame on that thing,” I directed Mira. She did so. I immediately got on the radio to Shepard. “Commander come in.”

As another piece of footage played, showing another creature also moving through corridors, I saw unmoving bodies of salarians and humans. Instantly, the full ramifications hit me. The facility went dark days ago. There were bodies. The only things moving were geth and unidentified mega-bugs. _This is not good!_ Shepard's words were a prophecy fulfilled; this was very bad indeed, and he was in the thick of it without me to help him. “Shepard, respond!”

“This is Shepard,” his voice finally came back on the radio. I let out a breath I hadn't known I'd been holding.

“Commander, the security checkpoint came back online a few seconds ago. I have pictures of some kind of creatures—they look really nasty. There's also a heap of dead bodies in the cafeteria. Have you seen anything down there yet?”

“We saw the bodies. No enemy contacts so far.”

“Advise you be careful, Commander. I'll come down after you, watch your back.”

“No!” Shepard retorted. “I mean, no, Chief, that won't be necessary. We can handle ourselves.”

The question popped into my head again, and I couldn't stop myself from asking. “Sir, what the hell is going on here? What are you hiding from me?”

Shepard merely closed the radio channel on me, making no excuse. My anger began to boil up. Mira got my attention with a polite address.

“Gunnery Chief Williams, Shepard has instructed me to tell you that he's keeping a secret from Liara T'Soni, not you. He said he wants you to drop it before she becomes any more suspicious.”

“Of course he does,” I growled. _To think that I would hide this from her and make the same mistake all over again. That's not going to happen. He knows it too, or he would have told me in confidence what it was. Well, I'm not going to sit in the garage like some bump on a log. If he won't give me answers, perhaps Mira will._

“Mira, let's keep looking deeper into Peak Fifteen. I want to see everything going on down there. There's got to be an answer in here somewhere.”

() () () () ()

When the cameras immediately outside the secured lab were activated, I gasped. An asari was caught briefly on screen before she disappeared in the lab. She wore a revealing, tight black outfit with some kind of large black headdress. I'd never seen it before, but the face reminded me of Benezia's. Once we'd found out she was assisting Saren, images were dispersed among the marines so all of us could recognize her.

I would have never expected to find Matriarch Benezia on Noveria. This had to be Shepard's secret. I shot a worried look away from the screen, looking at Liara through the glass of the security checkpoint. I looked back and forth between their faces; there was certainly a familial resemblance.

 _Her own mother! What do I do now? I know I said I would tell her if I ever found out—but—now it's all real, now I'm staring at her mother right here on this ice world... What am I going to do?_ I was frozen in place, completely baffled as to the proper course of action. _How will Liara react? Will she try to stop us from hurting Benezia? Will she break down if we do? Does she even want to know what I know?_

_She's the only one who can make that call..._

I took one last lingering look at the captured image of the asari before getting on the radio to Liara. “Liara, join me in the security checkpoint please.”

Liara entered the room, looking perplexed by my no-doubt ashen complexion. “What's wrong?” she asked.

I pointed to the monitor. Liara followed my gesture, her brow wrinkling in confusion for one moment before she suddenly staggered back like she'd been hit in the chest by a dreadnought. I moved to her side and grabbed her arm and shoulder, making sure she wasn't about to fall over.

“Are you all right, Liara?” I asked.

“My—my mother is here!” she whispered to me. I could tell she was in shock. I nodded, my eyes soft with understanding.

“She is. She's down in the secure labs of Peak Fifteen.”

Liara blinked, but said nothing further. She slumped unexpectedly, so I pulled her tight against me so she wouldn't fall over. Her assault rifle clattered to the ground next to us. Then she let her feet give up too, and I was forced to take us gently down until she was on her knees and propped against me.

“Liara!” I yelled in warning. “Hey! Focus! Liara!”

I was still supporting most of her weight. I moved us backwards gently, trying to get her laying down. Once that was done, I could see her from the front and realized she'd fainted. My heart bled for her in sympathy, but I had to get her conscious and dealing with this unexpected surprise.

I tapped her a little roughly on her cheeks to get her to come around, but it wasn't enough, and I didn't want to hurt her. I grabbed my canteen, a spark of guilt zipping through me before I tipped it over her face.

Liara jolted awake sputtering and spitting, turning her head away from the deluge of water. I immediately arrested the flow and set the canteen aside. “Sorry! Sorry!” I repeatedly told her.

She finally acknowledged me with a hand wave so I went quiet. She turned on her side, rising on one arm, and coughed a couple times to finish clearing her lungs. “Oh goddess,” she rasped.

“Are you ok?” I asked, fidgeting at her side.

She nodded. “Yes, I'm fine now. It was—a bit of a shock.”

I grinned ruefully, glad she was none worse for wear. “You're telling me. Are you sure you're ok?”

She smiled back. “Yes. Help me sit up.”

I complied, helping her not only sit up, but dragging her up against a console so she had a backrest. After I let go and made eye contact again, I inquired quietly, “So what are we going to do?”

Liara's eyes widened. “I—I don't know, Ashley. What should I do?” She implored me for an answer with her eyes. So much as I wanted to just handle this situation for her and make things easier, I knew I didn't have the right, nor was I precisely sure what I would do in her place.

“Shepard's going to find her soon,” I warned her. “There isn't much time.”

Liara looked at my screen capture a second time. “All this time, and I'm still no more ready to face her than I was after Therum.”

I took Liara's hand in my own and gave her a reassuring squeeze. “Ready or not, this could be your only chance. I don't know what will happen when the team finds her.”

“You think I should go see her?” Liara asked.

I looked up at the image myself to avoid Liara's gaze. “I don't know. I'm just saying—I don't know what I'm saying. I'm just as unsure as you are.”

Liara's biotic corona erupted around her, surprising me as it seemed to appear from thin air. The corona spilled over my own hand as well, but there was no real tactile sensation to it. She looked right at me, forcing me to resign and meet her gaze. She spoke suddenly, “I have to know why. I have to know why she would help Saren do all these horrible things. Why she would hurt me so badly. I have to know, Ash!” As she made her decision, she got up to her feet, resolute.

I nodded. “I understand. You should go now, the less time you waste, the better.”

“You won't come with me?” she asked, surprised.

“I can't defy my commander's orders,” I told her, “but you can go. You can't be court-martialed. You can choose what you want to do.”

“I can't do this alone. You have to come with me.” Liara pulled me towards the door. I felt myself being rent in two. _Go with her! If Liara needs you, then YOU GO WITH HER! You keep her safe. She's emotional, and she can't be objective in a situation like this. You have to protect her from whoever that woman is down there. The geth already tried to take her; you can't let Benezia have another chance to hurt her!_

_If I go, Shepard will not forgive me this time. Things are already strained; this will be the final nail in my coffin. I have a duty to stay here and obey my commander's orders! My family has always been dedicated to duty, and I am no less so than my father or grandfather. They always respected the chain of command, even when it wasn't fair to them. How can I turn my back on that, and truly bring dishonor to my family? How can I ruin everything we have worked for!_

I pulled my hand from Liara's. “Go without me,” I told her, looking away. “Go now.”

“Ash, don't make me face her on my own!” Liara cried. “I need you!”

_Just when I thought I'd straightened everything out. Just when I got Liara to believe in me again. God, why are you doing this to me! What have I done to deserve this torment?Why can't I be happy? No matter what I do, I lose!_

“I can't; I have orders,” I repeated, hating myself even as I spoke the words.

“Which is more important, your orders or _me?_ ” she snapped back at me. I understood that fear was making her angry and perhaps more than a little irrational, but her cutting words still struck me to the bone. _It hurts because she's right. I have to choose between them._ I slammed my eyes shut in pain and frustration, feeling two tears get squeezed out of the corners of my eyes.

I released Liara's hand, hit my radio savagely, and opened my eyes, seeing Liara's fearful expression as she anxiously waited to hear my answer. I growled into the radio, “Commander Shepard, this is Williams! The security cameras just caught a glimpse of Matriarch Benezia inside Peak Fifteen. Liara and I are entering the facility to pursue her. She's disappeared inside some kind of lab with no surveillance cameras.”

“Williams, you are ordered to stay—.”

“It's too late for that, Commander!” I interrupted my superior officer. “Liara knows, and either I go with her, or she's going to go alone! You decide!”

There was brief but nerve-wracking pause before Shepard replied. “Follow her, Williams. Do not engage Benezia beyond self-defense. Stall. I'll be there as soon as I can.”

“Aye, Sir.” I replied and clicked off the radio, feeling a moment of immense relief.

Liara spun and ran out the door to the security checkpoint. I shot one look at Mira the VI, and grimly wished I'd left it well enough alone like Shepard had ordered me to. As usual, my stubbornness to stick to my own way had led me into an entirely unexpected minefield.

I raced after her, down hallways and past the guns, finally to the elevator. Liara paced like a caged animal while the cab made its slow way deep down into the mountain. “We'll get there,” I promised. “It'll be ok, Liara.”

“Just be quiet,” she snapped back at me. She grabbed her head and bared her teeth like she was in pain, but the expression passed very quickly. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean—I just can't handle talking to you right now. We just—we have to get there. Now!”

I nodded and remained quiet. The sharp chastisement didn't dissipate even after her equally sudden apology. I wished there was something I could do for her, but I was completely at a loss. I was very afraid about what might happen once we found Benezia; this was so personal, more than anything had ever been before. I needed to be the calm one for both our sakes, but I wasn't sure if I was up to the task.

Since I couldn't speak, I reached out and grabbed her arm, spinning her to face me. I pulled her to me and surrounded her in a tight hug, hoping my actions could speak more eloquently than I could. She resisted at first, but then melted into my embrace, and then hugged me back even tighter. When the elevator reached the bottom, we silently broke apart.

The next room held the dead bodies of two of those bug-like creatures that were on some kind of growth steroid. Reminded that I was in the middle of a deceptively quiet battlefield, I pulled my shotgun and took point, leading Liara around the carcasses and towards the tram that would take us to the Rift Station subsidiary labs.

We came upon a small room and a hallway along our way. The walls were shot up, and there were insect bodies piled on both sides, making the path narrow. I ducked into the small room to clear it, and noticed the overturned table. This room had similar indications of fierce fighting, but the only bodies were behind the table-turned-cover. It was an asari, apparently all by herself in here, fighting off the hoards of these nightmarish creatures. She had been impaled by one of the insect's claws, which was still buried in her chest. I followed the claw down its long tentacle and back to the creature that had killed her. It was also dead, eviscerated by her final shotgun blast. Her bloodied uniform identified her as private security working for Binary Helix.

The floor around them was slick with a mixture of reddish-orange and blue blood. I swallowed uneasily and turned away from the gruesome sight. Leaving the room behind, I rejoined Liara in advancing into Rift Station.

I asked quietly, “What are these things?”

Liara paused, looking at the insects. “I cannot explain it, but they appear to be rachni soldiers.”

“Rachni? But they were wiped out by the krogan centuries ago!”

“I know; I said I cannot explain it,” Liara replied tersely. “I'm not even sure; I only ever saw a few pictures during my childhood education. I was also taught that they were extinct.”

I quieted down, and we headed for Benezia's lab. I wondered if she'd even be alive by the time we got there, or if the “rachni” had killed her. Within ten minutes, we were standing outside the same door I'd seen Benezia enter at least twenty minutes ago. I took a deep breath to steady myself and approached the door. Liara entered alongside me.

The door snapped closed behind us, but I resisted the impulse to turn around and stare at it stupidly. If it was closed and locked, so be it. I had to be on the lookout for hostiles in this lab. Liara had her pistol pulled, but she held it pointed at the ground, and I wasn't confident that she was mentally prepared enough to adequately defend herself.

Benezia stood on a platform about four meters up a flight of stairs, waiting for us. She looked down at the both of us like we were nothing but children trampling dirt on her carpet. The distance was a little too long for the shotgun, but knowing Benezia was a powerful biotic, I didn't dare take my muzzle off of her to switch to my pistol. At least the shotgun should give her a reason to keep her distance, as I was absolutely certain I didn't want her anywhere near us.

Matriarch Benezia regally wore her all-black robes. She looked quite healthy and strong despite the fact she'd lived for centuries upon centuries. Seeing her for the first time in the flesh, there was a raw power about the woman that commanded respect and admiration. I could understand, finally, what everyone meant when they said Benezia was a strong ally for Saren. For once, I understood why Shiala might have willingly followed this woman when she joined Saren. Benezia was a leader, not by appointment, but by her very nature.

Benezia glanced only a moment at her daughter before focusing solely upon me. Her hard, burrowing gaze instantly reminded me of Liara's. Now that I knew where that strength came from, it made perfect sense to also see it in her normally meek daughter. I held Benezia's gaze as best I could, but it wasn't easy, even with my shotgun between us.

She narrowed her eyes, accusing, “You do not know the privilege of being a mother. There is power in creation. To shape a life; turn it toward happiness or despair. Her children were to be ours, raised to hunt and slay Saren's enemies.” I glanced over at a big Plexiglas-and-metal cage that Benezia had gestured at while she spoke. Inside was the biggest bug I'd seen yet; easily five times as long as one of the countless rachni bodies we'd passed by on our way here. Benezia continued, “I won't be moved by sympathy, no matter who you bring into this confrontation.” She seemed to be acknowledging her daughter for the first time since we'd arrived.

“I'm here because I want to be here,” Liara ground out. I could tell she was having difficulty dealing with this situation already.

Benezia sneered. “Indeed? What have you told them about me, Liara?”

Liara exploded at her mother's accusatory tone. “What could I say, mother? That you're insane? Evil? Should I explain how to kill you? What could I say!?” Her eyes shown with tears unshed, and it took all my willpower to keep myself in place, watching Benezia, instead of dropping my guard to comfort her.

“Indeed,” Benezia scoffed, losing interest. She addressed me instead, “Have you faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have. Fewer have lived to tell the tale.” The Matriarch smiled darkly at that.

 _She wouldn't, would she? Is Sovereign's indoctrination this strong? Is there nothing left of Lady Benezia, the mother?_ “I can't believe you'd kill your own daughter,” I attempted to call her bluff.

“I now realize I should have been stricter with her.” Benezia's biotic corona erupted around her body, and I instinctively pulled the trigger while diving towards Liara. Before I could even reach her to push her away, biotic energy shot from the Matriarch and surrounded me. The air seemed to transform into an immovable cage, freezing me right where I was. Liara fired her pistol at one of the asari commandos that had joined Benezia. The commandos had assault rifles, however, and Liara was forced to dive away from me to avoid being cut down.

The stasis field wore off, and instantly my kinetic barriers went alight as the commandos turned their focus upon me. I knew I had no chance of making it to cover in time, so I grabbed a grenade, activated it, and threw it at the commandos in one fluid motion. The commandos and the Matriarch each took cover, and the grenade exploded harmlessly beyond them, but it bought me the time I needed to rejoin Liara, covered by a long, waist-high metal wall along the edge of the catwalk we were on. I sheathed my shotgun and pulled the rocket assault rifle. It was time to get serious with these people.

Liara had switched to her assault rifle without my noticing. She used it to keep the commandos from flanking us while my shield recharged. When her weapon overheated and she retook cover, I was ready to go.

I rolled out of cover as one commando attempted to make her way down the stairs to our level, where she'd have an easy time flanking us. I aimed at her feet and hit the secondary trigger. The rifle kicked violently against me as a rocket shot out and streaked right at the asari.

The asari barely had enough time for a single reflexive action before the rocket would have reached her. Unfortunately for me, she responded with the perfect reflex. One of her hands shot out at the rocket and a biotic disruption wave issued forth immediately, striking the rocket like hitting a wall. The impact was more than enough to trigger the rocket's detonation.

The whole area between the commando and I erupted into a fireball, and I heard a pained grunt as something slammed into a wall. It had to have been the commando, knocked back by the blast. I switched tactics and immediately sprayed the area with bullets, hoping to hit my target while she was dazed and her shields were low, if not down entirely.

Liara joined me, and when the smoke finally cleared enough to see the other side, we could both plainly tell the first commando was mortally wounded and unmoving. I motioned for Liara to move back, as our current cover was far too easily flanked, and I wasn't going to waste any more rockets unless I had no other choice. Thankfully, our corridor intersected into another one, offering us a chance to use the perpendicular corridor's walls for cover.

Soon as Liara was clear, I retreated around the corner as well, my barrier catching a half-dozen bullets before they could hit me in the back. I skidded to a halt behind cover and exposed my weapon and one eye around the corner to return fire on the other commandos down the way. Benezia was hanging back for now, content to let the commandos do her work for her.

As my barrier integrity demanded I cover back up, I told Liara, “I see three commandos left, and they've got a good suppressive fire on us. We can't hold here forever.”

Liara nodded, “I can help fix that. Get out of my way.”

I scooted away from the corner and let Liara take my place. She peeked out briefly, seemed to pick her most opportune time, and then dashed across their field of fire to the cover on the opposite side. As she did so, she sent out a biotic shove at the commandos. One of them had attempted an answering throw, and the two forces collided with a loud clap. Still, Liara made it safely to the other side, and now we each had a corner to peek around and fire. I got back up to my feet, spun out, and fired a long, hard burst at the commandos, who took cover.

Liara and I were only able to forestall their progress towards us, however, as their combination of biotics and sheer firepower made them far too deadly to engage long enough to completely suppress them. I pulled another grenade and threw it at them. They weren't even fazed, merely taking cover long enough for the explosion to occur before popping back up and resuming their assault on our position.

When I saw a black disc of their own come sailing towards us, I yelled, “Grenade!” and abandoned my position immediately, pulling back even further. Liara, having no where to go, curled into a ball to protect herself from the explosion as it detonated roughly halfway between where she was and where I had been. My HUD immediately alerted me that her suit had been breached. I didn't know how badly, but I feared the worst.

I jumped into action, running straight for Liara. Right before I reached her, a biotic force came out of nowhere and hit me in the side, knocking me off my feet. I held onto my weapon, however, and out of desperation fired another of its rockets towards the asari. This time, the commando was too close and didn't have a chance to do anything before the rocket reached her. The explosion forced the other two commandos into cover, and almost nothing remained of the third.

I rolled off my back and onto my hands and knees, and then lurched from there right to Liara's position. I covered up next to her unmoving form. Her suit's right sleeve was torn completely up, and she was bleeding from multiple small lacerations along the length of her arm, consistent with shrapnel and debris from the grenade's explosion. She didn't look to have been burned badly; that was a blessing in itself.

“Liara!” I knew exactly what to do to treat her injuries in the battlefield, but as much as I wanted to, she was depending upon me to simply keep us from being overrun. I couldn't afford to let the commandos get any closer than they had already.

I kept tight discipline on my returning fire; I was the only gun between us and them. I noticed a small canister in front of the crate one of the asari was hiding behind. It had a toxic warning label on it that I could see. I diverted my aim briefly and fired at it, puncturing it several times. Pressurized liquid began spraying in a thick mist from the canister and the falling droplets quickly began to form a pool all the way across from one side of the walkway to the other. I took cover and activated my omni-tool, selecting full-seal helmet mode. The extra pieces slid quickly and loudly into position, sealing me off and feeding me my own oxygen.

I quickly did the same for Liara on her omni-tool. Then, I took another look around the corner. Both asari were pulling back. They could probably circle around to get to us, so I knew we had to move.

“Liara! Stay with me, T'Soni!” I yelled at her. She groaned and attempted to roll away from me in response, sending my heart for a flip. _She's still moving, Ash! Get her out of here!_

I sheathed my rocket assault rifle and maneuvered to get her good arm around my shoulders. Together, we shakily got up to our feet, Liara relying a great deal upon me for support. I set off down the only direction remaining to me thanks to the toxic cloud between us and our original entrance into this lab, not that I was guaranteed the door would even open to me if I could have gone that way.

Finding a good, defensible position halfway along the hallway thanks to a niche and a set of server towers offering cover, I carefully lowered Liara into the niche. She groaned in obvious pain from her injuries. I ducked to get a quick look around the server towers. The asari had yet to make it around the long way, or else they were waiting in ambush for me. In either case, I decided to risk taking a moment to treat Liara. In my rush I slopped too much medi-gel over her arm and began to rub it all along her arm. It would help with the pain and seal the cuts, preventing infection. It was a rather ugly dressing with all the extra medi-gel still clinging to her arm haphazardly, but I didn't want to tempt fate by taking any more time to do a pretty job of it. I wiped the excess off my fingers onto my leg armor, then replaced my glove and pulled my sniper rifle. Hopefully, this would be something the asari commandos would not be expecting.

I leaned against the server tower, then peered out beyond it to look for the asari. Sure enough, both of them came around the corner with their biotic coronas lit and ready to go. I brought up the sniper rifle as quickly as I could.

The asari both sent biotic throws at me. I managed to squeeze off two rounds towards the asari to my right. One hit her in a center of mass body shot, the other clipped her left shoulder, and she collapsed to the ground. The biotic forces hit the server towers as well as the part of me that was exposed beyond them, and together with my cover, I fell backwards. The towers came crashing down upon me. I had both my right leg and right arm up to catch them, but they were too heavy, and instantly I was crushed beneath them. I let go of my sniper rifle in a panic, attempting to use my only free arm to shove the tower off to the right side of me. _I can't breathe,_ I panicked.

The asari came up to me and kicked my weapon away, smiling. She had her assault rifle trained on me. Just as she was about to pull the trigger, a biotic force came from a flanking position—the niche! Liara was on her feet, with her fist punched out in the direction of the asari. The commando struck the wall with enough force to knock her unconscious. Liara stumbled around the fallen towers, looking for me. I gasped, and she looked in my direction, finding me instantly.

“Ashley!” she called out with alarm.

“Get it off,” I barely managed with what little air I could get in my lungs despite the crushing force on my chest.

Liara's biotics shot out directly at me, and the towers began to lighten incredibly fast. I pushed them easily off of me and rolled away before she allowed them to collapse back to the ground. I wheezed, taking in wonderful air once again.

“Why are our helmets sealed?” Liara inquired.

I pointed behind us “Reason's back there. It's probably ok now; the stuff was a liquid mostly.” I disengaged my full-seal helmet, and Liara did the same. I clutched at my sniper rifle, but before I could get up, Benezia appeared from the same corner her final two commandos had.

Her voice carried authority. “Don't move.” We both froze, looking over at her. She shook her head. “This is not over. Saren is unstoppable. My mind is filled with his light. Everything is clear.” Her assault rifle was trained on Liara.

A thoroughly unexpected, but entirely welcome male voice came in from behind us. “The rachni didn't cooperate with you, why should I?” I glanced and caught sight of Shepard and the rest of his squad, all with weapons pointing past Liara towards Matriarch Benezia. A standoff developed quickly.

The asari commando not too far from us began to moan, waking up. She looked around lethargically before the full situation was revealed to her. She began to remove herself from the crossfire, pulling herself to Benezia's side before standing up.

The commando who'd taken sniper rounds to the gut and shoulder was also picking herself back up. I could tell she was injured badly enough to bleed out without treatment, but before she did, she had a determination in her eyes that told me she'd remain a threat right up until her final breath. She clutched her stomach wound to stem the bleeding partially.

“I will not betray him. You will—you—.” Benezia's voice became strained, and then fell away entirely, her eyes flitting closed, and her brow furrowing in concentration. A few moments later, she stumbled one step forward before recovering her balance and looked up at Shepard. Her weapon fell away from its deadly aim at Liara. “You must listen. Saren still whispers in my mind. I can fight his compulsions briefly, but the indoctrination is strong.”

The asari commandos looked perplexed by their Matriarch's words, but without the order to engage, everyone remained as they were, waiting for something to happen.

“So you could turn on me again,” Shepard asked implicitly while refusing to stand down like Benezia.

“Yes, but it would not be my will, Shepard,” Benezia verified. “People are not themselves around Saren. You come to idolize him, worship him. You would do anything for him. The key is Sovereign, his flagship. It is a dreadnought of incredible size, and its power is extraordinary.”

“What do you mean?”

“Thoughts echo strangely inside Sovereign. Its rooms are built at unsettling angles. The longer you stay aboard, the more Saren's will seems correct. You sit at his feet and smile while the words pour into you. It is subtle at first. I thought I was strong enough to resist; instead, I became a willing tool, eager to serve. He sent me here to find the location of the Mu Relay. Its position was lost thousands of years ago.”

“Someone on Noveria found it?”

“Two thousand years ago, the rachni inhabited that region of our galaxy. They discovered the Relay. The rachni can share memories across generations; queens inherit the knowledge of their mothers. I took the location of the Relay from the queen's mind.” Benezia's voice faltered, her eyes filled with regret. “I was not gentle.”

“How did the rachni even get here?” I interjected, confused. “They're supposed to be extinct.”

Shepard fielded the question. “I met one of the lead researchers on the rachni team. They found a queen's egg intact in the wreckage of a rachni ship in space. It'd been sitting around for thousands of years waiting for someone to hatch it. Saren ordered them to start researching a way to turn the rachni into his own private army—just like he wanted to do with the cured krogan.”

“Gotta hand it to the bastard, he really plans for contingencies, doesn't he?” I mumbled dryly.

Shepard nodded towards Benezia. “You can still make it right. Give me the information.”

Benezia's gaze fell to the floor. “I was not myself, but I should have been stronger. I transcribed the data to an OSD; take it, please!” She strode forward and offered the crystal. I stood up and reclaimed my sniper rifle, but didn't point it at anyone. Liara took the crystal from her mother, their hands resting atop each other for a fleeting moment. As Benezia retreated, still looking at Liara, I pulled her by the elbow back towards Shepard's line. The threat of getting caught in the crossfire was finally removed.

Benezia finally tore her gaze away from Liara and concentrated on Shepard. “You must move quickly. I transmitted the location to Saren before you arrived.” A switch seemed to flip, and Benezia's breathing became more laborious. “You have to stop—me. I—I can't. His teeth are at my ears; his fingers on my spine. You should—you should—ahh—you should—.”

Liara jumped forward, disregarding the chance she might provoke the commandos at Benezia's side. “Mother! I—Don't leave! Fight him!” I could see her heart breaking all over again, but there was nothing I could do but keep her safe. I pulled back on her arm again, keeping her out of the crossfire between our battle lines.

“You've always made me proud, Liara.” Matriarch Benezia smiled as tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. The tears became the product of pain as the indoctrination seemed to fall on her like a ton of bricks. She swiped her cheeks dry with one hand and grunted with exertion.

Suddenly her eyes shot open, a look of hatred settling in throughout her countenance. Liara mumbled to herself, “No, no!” Despite her vocal and my silent pleas, Benezia was disappearing again.

The Matriarch sneered at us all once more. “Die!” her biotic corona lit up, and instantly the peace evaporated as the din of assault weapons' fire took over. The commandos advanced, showing no fear or regard for themselves, giving Benezia the chance to fall back to where she could take cover. The commandos were cut down.

Benezia was forced to flee. I raced ahead of the rest, intent on getting the first shot at her.

I came around a corner so there would be nothing between us, falling to one knee and bringing up my sniper rifle. I lined up my shot, knowing with one hit to her head I could kill her instantly, but remove all hope of saving Liara's mother.

_If you were in such a hurry to get the first shot, how is it you don't already know if you want to kill her or wound her?_

Benezia was retreating, and Shepard would have a clear shot shortly.

 _But I do know,_ I thought, imagining Liara standing right next to me instead of lagging behind.

My aim fell from her head, and I pulled the trigger, catching her in the back. She collapsed, a small spray of her blue blood appearing in the air for a brief moment. I got back up to my feet and ran, now following Shepard as we all closed in on the Matriarch.

Benezia's voice was racked with pain; her tears were uncontrollable. “I cannot go on. You will have to stop him, Shepard.” Shepard kicked her weapon away from her.

Quickly, I rebutted, “Hold on, we've got medi-gel, maybe we can—.”

“No,” Benezia commanded with finality. “He is still in my mind. I am not entirely myself. I never will be again.” There was a broken desperation to her final words that chilled me.

Liara rushed to where her mother lay slumped against a wall. She cradled her mother carefully, getting blood on her gloves and armor from Benezia's flowing shoulder wound. “Mother,” she gasped breathlessly. I could feel just as much as hear the emotional pain. I gulped, tears stinging at my own eyes.

“Goodnight, Little Wing. I will see you again with the dawn,” Matriarch Benezia promised her daughter. She blinked and rasped, trying to breathe. I heard her cough wetly, leaving a short trail of telling blue blood on her lips and cheek. _Blood is pooling in her lungs. Oh no..._

“No light? They always said there would be—ah...” Benezia's voice fell off, and she slumped in Liara's hands. Benezia's head lulled, the muscles holding it up going lax.

“Mother!? MOTHER!” Liara yelled. The Matriarch did not acknowledge her only daughter. Liara broke down, wailing. “No! Mother!”

I fell to my knees beside Liara, careful not to bump into Benezia's legs. I encircled Liara in my arms. I could feel the pain of my father's death anew, sympathizing with her raw pain and hurt. I cried silent tears as Liara shook in my arms, breaking my heart.

I looked up to find Shepard and the others, but they knew this moment was not theirs to intrude upon. They silently nodded at me, some giving me a pat on the shoulder in support, and moved on, heading up the ramp towards the queen rachni's cage.

Ages later, when we had both exhausted ourselves of our tears, I helped Liara get to her feet. She looked like hell, mostly because of her close encounter of the explosive kind. Together, we made our way towards the exit. Since it would be a long trip back to the _Normandy_ , I decided I would divert us to a medical facility and see about fixing her up a little better than my earlier panicked job.

We passed the raised platform to our left where the rachni queen's cage was. Shepard motioned me over. “Stay here a minute,” he requested. I guided Liara, leading her to a chair. She merely went along with whatever I did, still deathly silent, her face puffy from crying. I shot her one last worried glance before making my way to the Commander.

“What is it?” I asked. I noticed the rest of the squad concentrating on the caged queen. She looked agitated, a lot more than before the fighting had begun. No doubt the loud noises were unwelcome, but things had settled down for a while now.

Shepard gestured to the queen. “She wants us to release her.”

“What?” I blurted out, confounded. “After her kids killed everyone in Peak Fifteen, she wants us to just let her go?”

“She took control over an asari commando who was near-death.” He motioned over to an unmoving asari commando on the ground. “She used the asari to communicate with us. Said something about how it was the only way to speak to us because our musics were colorless or something.”

At my perplexed expression, Shepard quickly added, “It made little sense the first time. Anyway, the point is, she told us her side of this whole sordid tale. Binary Helix researchers found her as an intact egg that was in suspension aboard the wreckage of an old rachni vessel. When she was brought here and born, Binary Helix forced her to produce children, and then they stole her children away from her. She says they took her children beyond her range to communicate. The rachni have some kind of telepathy, and it all feeds into their hive mind mentality. It's just how they live. When her children were forced to grow up away from her, in 'silence' in other words, they went mad.”

“Makes sense,” I reasoned. “A child locked in a closet for sixteen years won't be sane.”

Shepard nodded. “It fits with everything we've seen. She wanted us to euthanize them before I explained to her that I'd already killed the whole brood with a neutron purge down in the hot labs. She says she regrets what her psychopathic children did to everyone here, but she insists she wants nothing to do with killing anyone. She wants us to give her the chance to rebuild the rachni away from the other races, someplace secluded where she can instruct them not to fear us. In time, she hopes to rejoin the galactic community—on friendly terms.”

“Wow,” I answered, unable to figure out what else to say. “Do you think she means it?”

“I don't know. I've asked everyone here to give me their opinion. I have the choice to spare her life or to activate the toxin tanks and kill her.”

I glanced towards the toxin tanks. “I burst one of those tanks,” I told him.

“Garrus assures me there's enough toxic materials in the rest to ensure she is killed quickly.”

Wrex stomped up next to us, butting into the conversation. “What's the word, Williams?” he growled. From the murderous look he shot the queen, I could tell which way he'd voted.

I turned towards the krogan. “You know your people are in a very similar situation to the rachni. What makes the krogan any more worthy than them?”

“You weren't there, Williams. That war lasted for almost three hundred years. The krogan were the only thing standing between the asari and salarians and extinction. The rachni were more than willing to commit to total war—genocide—anyone not born rachni was the enemy. They reproduce fast, just like the krogan used to. Give them a month, and they'll raise up an army. They are honorless mass murderers.”

“The krogan aren't exactly cuddly either, Wrex. Your people have committed a lot of despicable acts during the Krogan Rebellions. Don't even pretend that you think differently.” I uncrossed my arms, turning towards Shepard. “Commander, whatever their history, this queen wasn't a part of the war. You said she was an egg. She's not accountable for their sins. If I were you, I'd get the Council to send a ship to transport her to the very fringes of the known Relay system and give her the chance she wants. Genocide is never the answer. Not in my book.” _Never going to compromise again. I've learned that lesson the hard way._ “Now, even if it sounds heartless, I don't really care what you do right now. I have my own priorities. I need to get Liara to the medical facility immediately. Can you send me the location on my tool?”

Shepard nodded, activating his omni-tool. “It's a couple floors up. They don't have any medical doctors alive up there, but there's a lot of Ph. D.'s and this facility's VI. As soon as this matter's resolved, we're leaving Peak Fifteen. We'll wait for you at the garage if we beat you there.”

“Aye, Commander.” I returned to Liara's side, and the two of us left the lab behind.

() () () () ()


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

 

I wasn't sure what the Commander decided to do. Nobody seemed to want to talk about it. That made me suspect that the galaxy was short a sentient race now, but I decided not to ask if I was right. It didn't matter; whatever was decided was done, and the issue was closed for better or worse. Knowing the outcome would only make me second-guess myself, and distract me from the rest of the mission.

I remembered when Daniel had told me that I probably couldn't handle sorts the things he had to go through making decisions as a Spectre. He was probably right. This was one guilt-ridden nightmare I didn't need; I had plenty enough to haunt my dreams already.

I waited by Liara's bedside as Chakwas treated her injuries on a more permanent basis. She seemed better with me there; or maybe my mind was tricking me. I wasn't sure because she didn't talk much, answering in monosyllables for the most part.

The last pieces of shrapnel were found and removed. Liara's arm was left a landscape of cuts that would naturally heal into scars, but she was in the best of hands, and Chakwas was able to heal the damage further. In time, her arm would get its natural look back. For now, it looked a little darker blue and angrier. Although her physical appearance would recover, I could also tell she carried a burden in her eyes; some of their former innocence and carefreeness was gone. That wasn't likely to heal so easily.

After she was released, we both retreated into her lab. My words were frustratingly dangled just beyond my reach, reflecting my jumbled thoughts as I tried to figure out what to say, what to do, or how to fix what had happened down on Noveria.

It wasn't until I saw her sag into a chair that I felt a stabbing pain in my chest. I turned away from her to the medical supply crates and held a hand ineffectually over my breaking heart. _Some things you can't fix, Ashley. Some things are permanently broken._ Guilt washed through me like an unstoppable tide, causing me to sway. _I killed her mother._

I caught my balance by reaching out to grip the nearest crate with both hands. The brief commotion might as well have been an explosion amidst the quiet as it immediately drew Liara's attention, and she surprised me when she steadied me with her hands from behind, concerned that I might fall over.

The heat from her touch burned my skin, even through my uniform. I withdrew from her immediately, my face heated in embarrassment. “Sorry,” was the only thing I could think to say.

“Sorry?” she parroted back at me, confused. I could sense her eyes as I turned around and sat on the crate that had saved my balance only moments ago. I kept my eyes away from her's. _This is it, this is where she yells at you, and you must take it because you deserve it..._

Liara didn't seem ready. She withdrew to her chair, but when she reached it, she simply stopped in her tracks. I didn't understand why she prolonged this torture for both of us. Wouldn't it be better to just release all her hate and anger upon me? Where was the honesty we'd worked so hard to develop between us? Everything that happened next should mirror what she and I felt.

Neither of us moved, we barely even breathed. Liara turned around to face me again. Warily, I watched her from the corners of my eyes. “Ashley?” she asked, hesitantly.

I swallowed. “What?”

She sucked in a raspy breath, giving away how close she was to breaking down in front of me. “Ashley, I need you to hold me _right now_.”

I was taken by complete surprise, but at the same time, I couldn't resist her plea. The desperation in her voice carried new life into my limbs. In a split second I was there, holding her in my arms, and she began to shake, crying softly, clinging to me. My eyes stung with fresh tears ready to drop down my cheeks wholesale.

“My mother was a good woman,” she stated. “She was forced to become a monster by the worst monster of them all. She didn't deserve what happened to her, to become labeled a traitor to my people.”

… _Or to be killed._ I squeezed my eyes shut tight.

“I don't want to remember her the way she was on that planet. I could see in her eyes how haunted she was by what she had done. I want to remember her the way she was before any of this; when she was _my_ mother.”

I rubbed my hands up and down her back as Liara fought to control her grief. Liara seemed to gain strength from this, and she stated with finality, “That is _exactly_ how I'm going to remember her. It's my choice to make and to live with.”

As time passed, Liara seemed to get control of herself once again, and her crying abated. I thought about letting go, but I couldn't move past this moment. I wanted to stand here, with her in my arms, until the end of time. Though I didn't consciously realize it, I began to feel better simply from holding her, my own tears receding.

Liara shocked me with what she said next, “She would have been so surprised when I told her about you. She would have said I was being impulsive and contrary, just like when I became an archeologist. Later, though, she would have seen the truth, and she would change completely around us, around you. She would have loved you because she would have realized that I was following my heart. My mother could be so critical of my behavior sometimes, but she raised me to follow my heart. She was the same way, when she joined with another asari, when she chose to become pregnant, when she gave birth to me, and raised me with honest and true love.”

It was hard to find my voice at first, but I found it at long last. “She was a good woman, and a good mother,” I agreed. “You should be proud of the risks she took, for you, for all of us. What happened was never her fault.”

“I never realized this day could come so soon,” Liara admitted softly. “We live very long natural lives. Our history is often named after the prominent asari alive during the millennium. Yet so many lives are cut short... Not just my mother, but everyone, everywhere.”

Liara's head came to rest just above my collar bone. She sighed against me. “Ashley, I want you to know what she was like before.”

“What?” I asked, surprised, my back stiffening.

“I can tell something's wrong. You're afraid of something. Ashley, I don't blame you for what happened.”

 _That can't be true!_ I yelled to myself. I couldn't let her not hold me accountable. It was the time for honesty, dammit, and even if I deserved nothing else, could I not at least get her honesty, just one last time?

“How can you say that?” I demanded, pushing her away just enough that I could look her in the eyes. “I—I killed her, Liara! Your own mother!”

“I know what you did!” Liara insisted, taking a step towards me. “Don't think for one minute that I don't!”

I gave up, throwing up my arms briefly. “Then why aren't you angry? Why don't you hate me? I don't understand you.”

Without hesitation, Liara said, “Then let me explain.”

“How?” I asked, challenging her. I didn't think she could ever find a way to not hate me for what I'd done. It was a safe question because there was no answer. So much as I feared and hated it, I knew what was coming, like a mass effect core that was about to overload. I knew it was coming, and I actually wanted my heart dashed to a thousand pieces at my feet. I wanted her to do it and throw me away. I wanted it to be over, because just knowing what was about to come was already the worst torture I could imagine.

Liara met my hard look with one of resolution. “Join with me,” she implored.

I scanned her face, incredulous. “What?” I asked.

“Join with me, Ash. Right now.”

“Are you serious?” I asked, unable to think of anything else to say.

Liara advanced on me again, pushing against my shoulder until I backed against a wall. “What do you think?” she challenged me back.

I completely and utterly blanked. Not a single coherent thought passed through my mind. I shook my head, trying to make it work like it was supposed to. “No. No. I don't want to live with that. I feel horrible enough already.”

“You have to,” she countered. “You owe it to us, to _me_. Join with me, Ashley.”

Desperation set in as I tried to reason with her. “I would do anything for you, Liara, but can't you see that this is already ripping me apart—,” I left off, unable to figure out what I was trying to say.

“You don't understand, but I don't blame you for anything, Ashley. You've been here for me this whole time. Let me explain. Let me in!”

“What if there isn't anything to understand!?” I raised my voice. More quietly I appended, “Deep down, what if I'm right?”

Liara thrust herself forward and captured my lips in a punishing kiss. She pressed her whole body against me so tightly that I couldn't breathe. My heart was hammering, and I felt like I was suffocating, but just before I could, she finally broke away again, causing both of us to gasp for air.

“Goddess you are exacerbating!” Liara cried breathily. “Please, Ash. You have to know.”

We regarded each other, neither of us moving a muscle, _so_ close. I couldn't tell how long it took, but hesitantly, I gave in, “Okay.” I couldn't tell if it was dread or excitement, but I fixated on her, frozen in place. She was the hunter now, and I was her prey.

I could see murky black settling in her eyes like wisps of smoke. “Try to relax, Ash. Slow, deep breaths.” Liara's hands took mine briefly before she reached up to my shoulders, holding me in place. It jarred me sufficiently to start breathing like she wanted. “You must trust me when I say that there are threads all around us, binding every living being to each other. You need only to reach out and you can grasp them. Reach out, Ash, and open yourself to the universe. Embrace Eternity!”

For one fraction of a second I could tell that Liara's eyes had transitioned to completely pitch black. They drew me into their darkness and took away my vision, leaving me with no sensations at all. Then suddenly my mind erupted in new sensations so intense I gasped.

_I couldn't tell if I had a body anymore, but I could tell that I wasn't alone. A presence came to me, and I felt warmth fill every corner of my soul. Our world was without form, but it shifted and arranged itself to our will. It became a home, a bedroom. It became a beautiful song, hummed by a mother._

_We were nestled against her. The storm was still so loud and scary, but we were safe with our mother. We looked over her placid blue face and blinked back sleep. It was so hard to stay awake, but we didn't want to go to sleep. We wanted to stay awake forever. There was so much to see, so much we wanted to explore, so much we wanted to understand._

_Our mother seemed to sense our thoughts. She was always perceptive; maybe she did know what we were thinking. “Rest, Little Wing,” our mother told us. “I love you.”_

_Our comfort was palpable. We were warm, safe, loved, and we loved our mother. Nothing could shake that, not even the storm beyond our window. Our eyes drifted down against our will. Mother's humming lulled us to sleep._

_Our world broke apart, reorganizing itself to our will. We were crying. They had said we were a pureblood! The whole school knew, and our friends turned their backs on us. We sat alone at lunch and wished to go home over and over again. Now we got our wish, but it was too late, wasn't it? We were a worthless pureblood, no matter where we were!_

_Our mother tried to comfort us, but what could she do about it? We were wrong, a mistake. As we sat on our bed, our mother surrounded us in her arms._

_“It isn't right for an angel to cry,” Mommy told us. “You are my perfect angel, right down to your little angel wings.”_

_“They said I was a p-p-pure...” we changed our words, unable to finish the thought, “They said I was a mistake.”_

_“They're wrong, Liara. You are my Little Wing, and I love you. I love you no matter what they say. They think they know you, but they don't. If they truly did, they would realize you are a beautiful angel.”_

_It wasn't the last time we were shunned, but slowly, over time, 'pureblood' lost its hold over our lives. We looked forward to higher levels of school, to becoming an adult maiden. We learned about the history of our people as well as those of our galactic neighbors. Eventually we learned about the civilizations that weren't around any longer to speak for themselves, the Protheans especially._

_On some nights at our home, our imagination would run rampant. We would pretend we found a living Prothean who could tell us all the Prothean secrets no one else knew. We pretended we found their messages to us hidden in the sands behind our villa._

_Our world broke apart again. This time, it was harder to make it conform to our will. It was harder to face this time in our life, when we broke away from our mother. Benezia was still a matriarch with many acolytes studying beneath her. She was respected on Thessia and in the asari society across the galaxy. She wanted us to study to be a philosopher like she was. Though she never said it, we knew that she wanted to see us become more and more accepted despite our pureblood genes._

_But our heart rebelled at the thought of staying on Thessia forever, trying to compose a doctrine about life that was universal to everyone's experiences. It was bad enough imagining dealing with so many acolytes, so many people, like Benezia already did. Worst yet, there was no sense of adventure or discovery. The asari claimed to know so much, but we understood how little we knew about the galaxy around us, about planets that might have once held teeming Prothean colonies. In the end, we let our mother down, and we chose to become an archeologist. We studied for years before leaving Thessia and taking to the untamed worlds beyond the Citadel races' direct control. We felt anticipation every time we entered a ruin and began to dig it up. We felt sheer joy every time we found something significant. It helped us ignore thoughts of our mother and her disapproval. We hardly talked to our mother for years._

_Our last dig was nearly two months ago. Most of our artifacts had been passed along the chain, and the rest were being studied and documented by the archeologists below us. It was time for our newest dig, sure to be one of our most challenging yet—Therum. The planet was extremely dry and hot, and there was significant lava flows not far from the ruins. We thought the volcano might have become active long after the colony died out, or perhaps it was the reason the colony was abandoned. There were so many questions to answer._

_We shied past Doctor Larissa's office and sighed with relief when we passed. Just yesterday we'd done it yet again, finding a way to put our foot in our mouth by calling her closed-minded. Why couldn't we just_ think _before we spoke? It never failed, we always made embarrassing mistakes that cost us._

 _Larissa might have thought it was apt punishment to send us to a volcano on Therum ahead of the others, but truthfully we relished the chance to work alone. Less chance of embarrassing ourselves in public, and more time to uncover the secrets of a civilization that remained an utter enigma. We traversed the galaxy thanks to their mass effect technologies, but why couldn't we find out more about_ them? _It was so perplexing. It made us think of our paper, the one we wrote behind the backs of the others. We would have to prove our theory to the others, but asari didn't respect the ideas of maidens who were so young. It would be challenging to get them to even listen to our thesis that the Protheans were not the first, that they were built upon the ruins of another civilization that came before them._

One day, _we thought to ourselves,_ one day our hard work will be judged on its true merit, and it would rock the very foundations of every assumption modern archeologists ever made.

 _Pressure built from somewhere beyond our world. Something else was trying to get in, and it wasn't going to wait any longer. Our world bulged and bowed until suddenly it shattered. From the shards emerged a new world—apparently, an impatient world. We were on board the_ Normandy _, and we were rocketing away from Virmire, thank the goddess._

_We heard Ashley grunt in pain and looked over just in time to see her give into the forces pushing on her body, resting her helmeted head on the floor. Fear sparked through our being, and we rushed over to her. “_ _Don't move,” we warned her, ready to hold her down if she did. “You've been hurt.”_

_She mumbled something about us, and we quickly deciphered what she was trying to ask._

_“I'm fine. Just stay still. Don't try to talk. I'll get Doctor Chakwas.”_

_Purpose filled us with renewed energy, and we quickly sought help. A crewman helpfully called medical down to the mako bay. It was all we could do for now, her injuries were far too complicated for our limited trauma training. She looked fine, but yet she couldn't breathe easily. We were so worried about her. What was wrong? Would she be okay?_

_We gripped Ashley by the hand, willing her to hang on a while longer. We prayed to Athame for her to survive, to stay with us. We squeezed her hand to reassure ourselves she had not left us, to communicate that we would stay with her._

_As she was taken up by the medical personnel, we worried and feared for her ten times worse the moment we had to let go of her hand. She was taken into the elevator, and we stood by, praying more intensely now than we had ever prayed in our life._

_Our world seemed to freeze at this moment; a recording that we could play back at will. The elevator doors were one-third closed, Chakwas was hovering over Ashley, and we were standing in the hanger, staring at her._

_Our world fluttered, and then we were looking upon Liara upside-down from our position the floor, checking for ourselves that she was still okay. We were murderously angry at Saren, and we were more than a little defiant and relieved that Liara was safe despite everything Saren had thrown at us. If anything had happened to her, nothing in the universe could have protected Saren from our wrath._

_The fluttering continued, shifting between two points of view. Two different beings, experiencing the same event, but in different ways. We felt like our eyes had been opened, that at last we were beginning to understand—something._

_Our world dissolved, but this time nothing replaced it. There were no memories being relived. There was only us, existing as one, sharing our emotions and subconscious thought. There was a pervading feeling of completeness that brought with it contentment and warmth. That was it, the warmth... It came from our existence together. Separation was cold and unyielding in comparison._

_“This is deeper than sharing memories,” we heard Liara's voice. “This is deeper than I have ever gone before with anyone else.”_

_“This is amazing,” we heard Ashley's voice. “It is like nothing I could ever imagine. I never thought I could feel like this.”_

_“I do not blame you for anything, Ashley. My mother died when she entered Sovereign. The things she did on our enemy's behalf, killing and torture, were not done by any mother I knew. Her name and reputation were ruined by an imposter in her skin. You did not kill my mother.”_

_“I put her soul to peace,” Ashley's voice finished the thought for Liara's. We wholly understood what they meant now._

_“But who said that?” Ashley's voice wondered. “I'm becoming confused.”_

_“Careful, Ashley, you are pulling away from our bond,” Liara's voice cautioned us._

_“Sorry,” Ashley's voice quipped, but the confusion lingered within us._

_“Goddess I can't keep this up,” Liara's voice worried._

_“Wait! I'm not ready to leave yet,” Ashley's voice cried._

_“Take it slow, Ashley, this is going to happen very quickly,” Liara's voice interjected before being cut away._

_We felt ourselves being pulled at by forces beyond our comprehension. It tore into us with a raw pain that we were not prepared to weather. Things began to swim and spin around us. Piercing lights flashed into our eyes, but were replaced with complete darkness._

_I can't see_ , I worried to myself. _What is happening to me? Where am I?_

I finally realized, rather sheepishly, that my eyes were closed. Blinking, I opened them back up and saw Liara standing before me. _How is that possible?_ I wondered. _This doesn't seem right, this isn't the way things are supposed to be. I'm missing something, where is the rest of me?_

“Oh God,” I breathed.

“Goddess,” Liara breathed at the same time.

We regarded each other for untold eons before speaking again. There was an intimacy between us that I couldn't shake off. “I'm—.” I stopped. “Thank you.”

It was a moment before Liara could respond. “The melding doesn't normally end like that,” she apologized to me. “I'm sorry for the pain we experienced. If I had more control, it would have been different. Melding can get confusing when it is initiated by someone as inexperienced as I am.”

“Liara, stop explaining.” I told her. She blinked and lapsed into silence. “Thank you for what you did. Thank you for everything.”

“You're welcome, Ash.” Liara replied, smiling. I smiled back.

“Hey,” I added, my mind slowly catching up, changing its tracks, “Your mom—I would have liked to meet her. She was a wonderful woman.”

Liara's smile only grew. She nodded emphatically. “I will keep her memory alive inside me.”

“I will too,” I promised. It occurred to me, “This, this is an asari culture thing, something to do with memory...”

Liara paused mid-nod, trying to work out what I was getting at. Finally, she nodded once confidently. “Yes. In our culture, the way we remember past people in our lives is one of the most significant choices an asari makes throughout her life. It stems from sharing memories in a bond with another person. Well, more like people, everyone we share with in our lives. We're more open with others, I haven't seen anything even approaching it between humans.”

“People, huh? Already shopping around on me?” I teased, covering up slightly hurt feelings.

Liara, for her credit, looked absolutely abashed. “I don't mean it like _that,_ ” she hedged, “I would share almost anything with you. I mean that; this is far more, well, intimate than I would be with someone else. But asari, we bond with a lot of people in our lives. Not always deeply, but often.”

“I know,” I informed her, watching with delight as she started to scowl slightly.

“You're having fun with me,” she protested, looking quite put out.

“I would never,” I objected despite knowing I'd already been caught.

With my back still to the wall, Liara had more than enough of an advantage to box me in place. As she closed into my space, I expected her to grab me or put her hands on the wall to either side of me. Surprisingly she did neither, giving me the opportunity to squeeze out from between her and the wall. I contemplated taking it, but indecision rooted me in place. Then it was too late; Liara was mere fractions of an inch away, tantalizing me without a single physical touch.

“Ash,” she implored huskily, “I think it's only fair to warn you, I've already got a pretty fair idea of how you work, and you're not fooling me for a second.”

“See, that right there,” I explained, “proves me right because _I don't even want to fool you._ ” With the barest of motions, I brought my lips to her cheek and placed a chaste kiss there, breathing her in as I withdrew back what little I could.

“I might believe you,” Liara offered. We bore into each other with our gazes as she took a step back.

A thought struck me, and I couldn't bring myself to censor it. “I don't care how forward I sound right now, we are doing that again... Eventually.” _'Eventually', way to take the pressure off, Ash!_

Liara laughed, looking a little overcome. “Goddess, I hope so.” I blushed very slightly.

 _At least she seemed to take it well. I still don't feel normal, though, am I even capable of working out what happened in that bond?_ I decided to ask Liara about it. “Is it normal that I keep thinking about our memories and that _place_ we were? It seems too—incredible—to have been real.”

“If you believe asari bonding studies then you just have to adapt to it,” Liara told me. “The few humans who have melded like that with us have all confessed similar confusion. It recedes with time and experience. Eventually, they said it was seamless to them.”

I shook my head in disbelief, hardly able to imagine getting used to that strange yet wonderful place. “Bonding was so amazing, Liara. You have no idea.”

“Oh, I have more than an idea,” Liara quipped a little saucily. “Don't forget I felt everything you felt. It was not just you or just me. It was what _we_ felt.”

I became acutely aware of how close we were still standing to each other. My cheeks reddened; if anyone saw us, how could there be any confusion about what had happened and was _still_ happening? To hell with it, I didn't care to waste another second thinking about it any longer. Finding my courage, I faked innocence, hoping to get her to rise to my bait yet again. “Oh?”

Liara smirked momentarily, but she dropped her flirtation and spoke soberly instead. “I felt your feelings for me while you laid on that unyielding floor. You were only thinking about me, even though you were hurting so much.”

“And I felt how powerful your feelings for me were while I was being taken to the medical bay,” I concluded. “God, it was so real, but so different too; I don't even know what to say about that experience.”

“The most important thing is to remember what my mother taught me. Follow your heart, Ash, just as I will.”

I grabbed her hands in mine. _My heart. My heart is telling me... My heart is_ yelling _,_ screaming _at me, isn't it? It has been the whole time, even if I wasn't ready to listen._

“It's you, Liara,” I told her. “It's you. I am in love with you.” I leaned in to whisper in her ear, “I love you with all my heart, Liara.”

Liara took in a sharp breath, then whispered back to me, “I've been waiting for this moment my whole life, Ash. I love you.” Using a gentle pull, she guided us to her chair. I sat first, and Liara climbed onto my lap, one arm around my neck. Nestled together, silence reigned supreme... And yet, I felt like our communications to one another had never ceased.

() () () () ()

Responsibilities eventually called us apart, as they always did. One specific responsibility dominated my mind after leaving Liara's side: our suits of armor. They were stained with Benezia and Liara's blood, and I knew I had to be the one who addressed this. I was surprised, however, when I reached the lockers only to find them empty.

Nearby there was an unassuming crewman inventorying some of our equipment and its condition. I marched up, a scowl beginning to contort my eyebrows. Between the sound and the look, he knew whatever was about to happen would be bad, and he immediately gave me his undivided attention. “Where is Liara's armor?” I demanded. “Where's _my_ armor?”

The crewman before me visibly flinched. “We took them to get—cleaned—Gunnery Chief.”

 _They should have known this was_ my _job._ “On who's order?” I almost shouted at him.

“Nobody's!” he cracked, flinching even worse than before. “I just—we saw them and knew they needed it before they were next used.”

“Shower room?” I asked shortly. He nodded. “When were they taken?”

“Only a few minutes ago,” he promised.

“Dismissed,” I growled. The crewman eagerly complied and seemed to disappear into thin air. _No one else can do this. Not this time. It has to be_ me _._

I stomped into the shower room immediately. Finding the armors I sought, I dismissed the crewman working on them by pointing to the door while giving him an extra potent glare. He was gone before I could say anything.

I looked down at my armor, the first one he'd begun working on. The blue blood mixed with water and dripped off of it. Picking up the brush the crewman had dropped, I sat on his vacated bench and began brushing the armor myself.

Somehow, I became so involved in my work that I slipped into a trance. Gradually the blood came off, a handful of centimeters at a time. I watched the newly-bloodied water I sprayed on it flow to the drain, disappearing.

Heavy footfalls came into the shower room. I glanced over and noticed a (thankfully) fully clothed krogan standing before me.

“Williams,” he rumbled.

I wasn't particularly glad he chose to interrupt me, but I returned his greeting nonetheless. “Wrex,” I said, my voice completely flat. “Why are you here?”

“Krogan don't often remove blood stains from their armor,” he stated, deflecting.

“You want me to stop?” I asked, confused. I kept working nevertheless; krogan ritual be damned. I wasn't about to make Liara—or myself—wear her mother's own blood.

“Just making an observation,” he replied. “No matter who's blood, ours, or our enemies, what happened is immutable, permanent. It cannot be forgotten by either. An enemy's blood inspires courage, and our own inspires cautiousness. They usually balance out over time.”

I shrugged as I worked. “Never thought of it that way.”

“Humans like their cleanliness too much,” he countered, his levity quite apparent.

I ignored his joke in favor of getting to the point. “I have to do this,” I told him.

“I know,” Wrex answered easily. I was surprised—he was expecting me to say that. Before I could think on that for too long, he continued, “I wasn't planning on bothering you, but damned if those crewmen you kicked outta here aren't spreading up a gossip storm about how pissed off you are. Naturally, made it difficult for me to get some rest.”

“I can get them to disperse if you want,” I offered. “Some of us may have forgotten that you sleep down here instead of in a sleeper pod.”

Wrex chuckled. With smug satisfaction, he declared, “You know I could have easily 'dispersed' them myself if that's what I wanted.”

“Then what do you want, Wrex?” I interrogated him, getting slightly annoyed.

“To say something about the matriarch. I was there. It was a clean kill.”

A picture of her pained features and her blood clinging all over the front of Liara's armor flashed through my mind. “Not clean,” I corrected him.

“You're not glad she's dead, are you?”

I stopped scrubbing immediately. Slowly, I lifted my chin to look him in the eyes. “How could you ask me that?” I demanded angrily. _Krogan or not you cannot get away saying whatever you please!_

“She was the enemy. Killing her is one reason why we are both here.”

My words were chosen carefully but quickly, and I put the full weight of my conviction behind them. “She was a mother, Wrex. Liara's mother.”

“We've been here before,” Wrex stated, sounding slightly annoyed. “Don't make me repeat myself, Williams. It brings out the worst in me.”

 _Feros. The colonists._ I grimaced. “Liara already explained that she didn't blame me for what happened.” I paused. _Liara didn't blame me at Feros either. Maybe what he's trying to say is—,_ “I'm blaming myself. Just like before.”

“Perhaps there's hope for you humans after all,” Wrex pondered aloud. The obvious approval in his voice told me I was right.

I sighed. The blue-tipped brush fell from my hands and landed on the tile floor. “You don't understand... This is personal. Very personal. I didn't know the colonists, but I do know Liara. I wasn't ready for it to become so personal, so fast. I—I love her, Wrex, and I killed her mother.”

Wrex considered my words. “You love her?” he inquired.

I nodded. “Yes.”

He settled back against a wall, leaning heavily against it. “Then you'll have to adjust quickly,” he told me. “Williams, you can keep second-guessing yourself until even I die of old age, and it won't make a bloody difference. Matriarch Benezia is dead, killed by your hand. No matter who else she may have been, she was the enemy. It is always them or us. I made up my mind a long time ago that it would be them. It seems you haven't decided.”

I disagreed immediately. “That I want to live? That I want to make it through this in one piece? Of course I do! I always have. But I'm not like you, Wrex. I can't just pretend that this doesn't affect me. I can't just pretend Benezia was nothing but my enemy. These Reapers, they can turn good people into villainous monsters. Can you even understand how much that scares me?”

“Use your fear to stay one step ahead, Williams. Fear is your greatest weapon, and if you know how to wield it better than your enemy, nothing can stop you.”

Slowly, I bent over and retrieved the brush, and then began scrubbing armor pieces once again. “I heard similar words in training. Adrenaline is a powerful resource in a time of critical need. Fear and excitement both can release it; give you that little extra when you need it most.”

“Smart instructors,” Wrex complimented. “Who killed Matriarch Benezia?”

“I did,” I answered, mimicking Wrex's predilection for short, straight-to-the-point answers.

“Why did you kill her?” he asked.

“—Because I had to,” I replied again.

“Exactly what a warrior would say,” Wrex confirmed. He pushed away from his wall and turned to leave, but paused briefly. “One last question. Is this still a private pity party, or can I send those mouthy pink-skins back in here to help you finish?”

I huffed. “You're hilarious. Send them in here.”

“Sure thing, Williams.” Wrex disappeared from the showers, leaving me alone for a brief moment. I gazed across the piles of armor pieces.

“I freed her,” I whispered in the direction of Liara's armor. “You said I freed her. You showed me that I freed her, and I don't doubt that one bit.”

“Gunnery Chief?” came a hesitant human voice.

“In here,” I affirmed, speaking strongly enough to be heard. “Sorry to have interrupted you. Let's get this job done, shall we?”

() () () () ()

At least two private messages were sent from the ship by Commander Shepard as the _Normandy_ left Noveria far behind. I could only speculate what he said and to whom, but I guessed he was waiting for something, perhaps a reply. In the meantime, there was plenty to get ready. Adams and the rest of Engineering went over the ship, stem to stern, making sure everything was working at its peak. I held drills for the marines, making sure each one of them was ready for the fight yet to come. To wind down my day, I took apart and reassembled every weapon in service, making sure they were all ready when the time came. Predictably, they were. I felt some well-deserved pride as I thought to myself, _I take excellent care of my weapons._

It was very late before I was able to return to Liara's lab. When I did, I was surprised to see her working on what could only be her Prothean data card reader. It had still been in pieces when I left, but now it was functional—or at least, it had lots of indicator lights that were shining.

“That looks almost finished,” I pronounced.

Liara straightened up, a smile on her face. “It is,” she affirmed. We met halfway with a hug and a kiss. I could swear I felt electricity in every point of contact between us. As Liara pulled back from her greeting, she had an unmistakable look of excitement and nervousness in her eyes. “Never has a distraction been more fruitful. I believe it's ready to actually scan one of our Prothean data disks.”

I held her hand while Liara placed one of our collected Prothean data disks into her reader. The reader was linked up to the _Normandy's_ computer systems, specifically her terminal in her lab. I gave her hand a gentle squeeze, and Liara flashed a nervous smile.

“Here we go,” she told me, reaching towards the device to activate it. The card reader began to hum pleasantly as its transformer warmed up and began delivering her best-guess voltage to the card itself. For a while, nothing seemed to happen, and I worried that we might have shorted out our second card.

Then, Liara's terminal alerted us that it had detected the Prothean data card. It began accessing the data. Liara let out a squeal of delight, as I shouted triumphantly at the same time. She turned towards me, and we shared a tight hug. The terminal kept working, oblivious to our excitement.

“Let's tell the Commander,” I encouraged her.

Liara nodded, and when I turned to go, she called out, “Wait! Maybe we should wait until I decode some of the information and see if its meaningful. It could all be degraded garbage, and I don't want to set up false hope.”

I turned towards her with an eyebrow raised. “Liara, could you possibly be having _cold feet?_ Now? After accomplishing all of this?”

She looked down shyly. “I'm just saying—.”

“No, Liara,” I interrupted. “You need to admit it, to yourself as much as to everyone else. You're awesome. You have done the impossible, and I'm not keeping that a secret. Everyone will be beside themselves about your accomplishment. Whether there's any data or not, you've done what has _never_ been done before.” I bent my knees to get my eyes a little lower, hoping to drag hers up to meet mine. It worked, and I straightened up with a wide smile. “Right? Never been done before?” I asked coyly, knowing the answer.

She nodded, starting to smile as she caught a little of my enthusiasm. “Yes, never been done before.”

“'Atta girl!” I praised her. “Come on. One victory kiss, and then we'll go talk to the Commander.”

“Ok,” she agreed, sharing a lopsided smile with me, “but only because I've been missing your kisses.”

“And vice versa,” I assured her, beaming. We closed the gap, hands resting comfortably at each others' hips, and kissed. I swiped my tongue against her lips, begging her to open to me, and she did. I pulled us together deeper and playfully engaged her tongue to a duel which she was only too happy to accept. When the demand for air crept in-between us, I refused to let that be the end of it, and kept kissing her after taking only a moment to pull in a ragged gasp of air.

I lost count of the kisses when they finally broke down into simpler micro-kisses repeated over and over again. When we both finally slowed down, I grinned as we shared the air between us. “I think we went a little beyond 'one victory kiss' there.”

She smiled back at me. “Oh?” she asked innocently. “Then you kept count?”

“Nope,” I confessed flippantly. “I lost count, so I guess I can't say.”

“Me either,” she huffed. “So I think we're good.”

“Thank God,” I told her.

She looked briefly past me to the door. “So, to Shepard?”

I sighed. “I'm not in _that_ big of a rush, but sure.” I smirked.

She laughed. “I'm sorry. I must still be a little nervous.”

“Need some help getting your mind off of it?” I inquired huskily, closing in on her lips again.

“Mhmm,” was all she got out.

() () () () ()

“Saren's en route to Ilos,” Shepard warned his team, gathered in the comm room. “Unfortunately, the Mu Relay is deeper in the Terminus Systems than we've ever been before. Unfriendly territory doesn't even begin to describe it. Worst of all, our lone frigate has no hope of intercepting a geth fleet or stopping a dreadnought like Sovereign.”

“We need allies,” I summarized.

Daniel nodded. “Yes, and we're not going to get them from among the locals. I've asked the Council and the Alliance individually to form a task force to invade Ilos. With some stronger ships, we'll have some hope of accomplishing something.”

Tali balked. “Commander, even a task force is woefully outmatched by the geth fleet. Anyone familiar with space combat at all is aware that the best hope of defeating a dreadnought's powerful kinetic barriers is another dreadnought.”

Shepard's head hung a little. “I'm aware. As much as that may be the case, Tali, I have to be realistic. I don't have a whole lot of support for this mission. The Council still says they want to stop Saren, and I believe them. The problem, however, is that they've yet to admit the Reapers even exist. Not to mention, even if they did, a full fleet would guarantee a war with the Terminus Systems. The galaxy hardly needs that. As far as the Alliance is concerned, well, they've got little incentive to put their fleet and their lives on the line for what is supposed to be a _Spectre's_ mission.”

“Do you think either will approve your request?” Garrus inquired.

Shepard shrugged. “I hope so. I've got the CIC listening carefully to all incoming priority traffic. An answer, yes or no, should be coming shortly.” He paused, sighing. “I don't know what to expect, but whatever happens, I must go to Ilos and intercept Saren before he reaches the Conduit. I have to believe that stopping Saren will be enough, even if I don't get a fleet capable of stopping Sovereign. Whatever the Conduit is, it means the end of everything if Saren reaches it unchallenged.

“Prothean technology elevated each of our races to where we are today. Their Conduit could be the next great step forward in our technological development. We can't allow a madman like Saren to walk away with it. I know you all believe in our mission and what is at stake. However, I have to point out—if no reinforcements are sent, the _Normandy_ will be traveling alone. The risks have never been higher. If we fail now, we're all one hundred percent dead. There will be no retreat or middle ground. If anyone feels overwhelmed by what I'm asking you to risk, everything you might sacrifice, now is the time to tell me.”

Wrex scoffed, rolling his eyes with disdain. “Shepard, there's never been middle ground since this mission began on the Citadel. If you expect any of us to turn tail now, you really don't know us as well as you should.”

Shepard smiled crookedly at his krogan mercenary. “No, I didn't expect that you would. I had to say it, though, to be fair to each of you.”

“Just like we have to affirm that we're not going anywhere, Sir,” I asserted. Everyone nodded their heads in agreement with my words.

Shepard examined each of us before he nodded. “Good. I couldn't have asked for finer allies on this mission. I want you to know: all of you have my deepest respect.”

There were quick, quiet glances between each of us as we absorbed the weight of his words. Before anything further was said, Joker interrupted over the ship comms. “Commander, we've got confirmation of those reinforcements. We are to return to the Citadel to pick them up and lead the charge to Ilos.”

“Great news, thanks, Joker. Set a course and get us underway immediately.” Shepard cut the comm. “That's it, everybody. This is what it all comes down to. This is the end of Saren. Am I right, team?”

A cacophony of approval swept through everyone present. Shepard beamed. “I'm proud to have this opportunity to lead you all. When we get to Ilos, we are going to find a way to stop Saren's atrocities for good. I can feel it.”

The _Normandy_ arrived at the Citadel only twenty-eight hours later, using its very best speed. As we docked, everyone noticed the increased number of ships comprising the Citadel's defense fleet. I wondered briefly if our task force might even get a dreadnought to counteract Saren's, since there were already a half-dozen of them here.

The _Normandy_ docked to discharge her drive core and so that Commander Shepard could meet the Council for what could be his final meeting for his pivotal first assignment. For the first time, he brought in his entire team up to see them. I steered near Liara, trying to be close without being obvious. As we walked up the steps to the Council chambers, Wrex also worked his way near us. His eyes were filled with humor.

“What do you see here, Williams?” he asked.

I shrugged. “The Council obviously thinks highly of itself, making the Chambers the highest point on this floor. Although, with all the walls between different levels, it also makes for a highly defensible position.”

He nodded. “I've never been up here before; few krogan have.”

Liara interrupted, “Few people of any race have, Wrex. Usually, only the ambassadors and Spectres. Everyone else has to report to the ambassadors, generally speaking, and convince them to bring things to the Council's attention.”

Wrex shrugged. “In any case, I'm pleased you noticed the extra cover, Williams. You know that's just more evidence of how much we're alike.”

I smirked, repressing a laugh that surely would have stood out amongst the murmur of the ambassadors and citizens in the tower. “Stop trying to provoke me, Mr. Badass Mercenary. I know.”

Wrex grunted. “A good shouting match would do this place some good. It's too quiet up here.”

“You could have disappeared in Chora's Den, and I'd have come for you later,” I told him.

“I wouldn't miss this for all of Irune's credits,” Wrex told me, showing all his teeth in a disturbingly evil-looking, toothy grin.

Silence fell over our small subgroup as we all reached the Council Chambers at the top. A single thin peninsula jutted from our side of a large cavernous gap. Down in this gap was a glass ceiling for a lower floor, but it was way down there. Any fall off the side could potentially prove fatal. Below that glass ceiling, however, I could see the top of an arboretum full of trees.

The human ambassador, Udina, was already there waiting for us. Captain Anderson was no where to be seen. I was disappointed, feeling I was missing the opportunity to thank the man who'd given me everything.

The three Councilors stood on the opposite side of the gap, removed from our side. Their terminals were active, doubtless filled with Shepard's reports on his mission thus far. “You've done well, Commander,” the asari representative began, “and your warnings have not fallen on deaf ears. We have reinforced the fleet to its highest numbers in history. If Saren is foolish enough to attack the Citadel, as you believe, we will be ready for him.”

The turian representative took over; his race represented by far the greatest contribution to military strength of the three members. I expected he would be the one to give us the details of the task force we would be assigned. “Patrols are stationed at every Mass Relay linking Citadel space to the Terminus Systems.”

“How many ships are you sending with me to attack Ilos?” Shepard asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. I had a foreboding feeling hit me right in the gut at the same time.

The salarian representative fielded the question, and I could practically finish his final sentence for him with his utter predictability. “Ilos is only accessible through the Mu Relay, deep inside the Terminus Systems. If we send a fleet in there, the only possible outcome is full-scale war.”

Udina turned to Shepard. “Now is the time for discretion, Commander. Saren's greatest weapon was secrecy; exposed, he is no longer a threat. This is over.”

Shepard's face hardened into dark lines of only partially repressed anger. “Saren's greatest weapon is a Reaper!”

The salarian Councilor blinked with irritation. “We still have no hard evidence that Saren's dreadnought is alive, or that it killed the Protheans. We still only have confirmation of one ship. Your supposed visions from an alien device are the only evidence to support your theory that you've brought forward in months of pursuing Saren. You forget our long history before you, Commander. If there were another race of sentient machines thirsting for our blood, we would know about it by now.”

Shepard tried to bargain instead, “If the Council won't stop him, I will! Allow me to infiltrate Ilos. One ship won't start a war with the Terminus Systems. I can be discreet.”

The turian representative snarled, “You detonated a _nuclear_ device on Virmire! I wouldn't call that discreet!”

Shepard argued back, “Oh, suddenly my call on Virmire was too much? You didn't complain when I first told you I'd destroyed Saren's base of operations. Listen to me, and make no mistake, Councilors: If Saren finds the Conduit, we're all screwed! We _have_ to go to Ilos!”

The turian representative did not answer Shepard, instead addressing the man standing beside him. “Ambassador Udina, I get the impression Shepard isn't willing to let this go.”

Udina nodded, addressing himself to Shepard in a quiet tone so it wouldn't carry across the gap to the Councilors. “There are serious political implications here. Humanity has made great gains thanks to you, but now you're becoming more trouble than you're worth.”

I took a step forward, unable to control my outburst. “You _bastard!_ You're selling us out!” Motion over and behind Udina's shoulder warned me far too late that everyone, including the Councilors, heard what I'd just said.

Udina turned to face the Council, but swiveled his head to deliver one last remark at us. “It's just politics, Commander. You've done your job, now let me do mine. We've locked out the _Normandy's_ systems. Until further notice, you're grounded.”

“Nobody stabs me in the back, Udina,” Shepard warned him lowly. “Nobody!”

Udina looked back at us, still unwilling to give us anything but a cold shoulder. His disparaging look boiled my blood, and I felt Liara's arm link around mine to hold me back. How she knew when to intervene, I couldn't explain, but she was probably responsible for keeping me out of the stockade and possibly saving my career. _'Just politics.' I fucking hate politics._

“I think it's time for you and your team to leave, Commander. This no longer concerns you. The Council can handle this, with my help, of course.” Udina turned his back fully to us, and I knew we'd been cut out.

Shepard led us down the steps and back aboard the Normandy. No one spoke a word until the airlock had sealed us away from the Council's stupidity. I spoke over the humming of the decontamination sweep as the beam went over our bodies. “Those assholes still don't believe you, Commander. After everything we've done, everything we've seen and reported back to them, they still think they're bigger than anything else in the galaxy.”

Liara shook her head. “The Council has been the biggest for thousands of years. This belief is not altogether unexpected considering their long, unchallenged history since the Krogan Rebellions. There are few things that can give them pause.”

“The bigger the Maw, the harder they fall,” Wrex intoned menacingly. I was shocked to hear a human idiom, nearly verbatim, coming from him. I knew the horror stories of Thresher Maws, creatures big enough to rip apart vehicles, even an armored tank. If that was what he was referencing, it made sense that an idiom like that would develop among his race of fierce warriors. _Damn that was uncanny, though._

Tali got to the point. “What are we going to do, Commander?”

Shepard stepped out of the airlock as it cycled us into the ship. “Joker, status?”

“My systems went down approximately the same time you entered the meeting with the Council. I couldn't get through to you with all the jamming equipment they run in the Citadel Tower.”

“Udina was planning this before we even came,” Shepard summarized. “He knew from my requests and reports that I would see this through until I was satisfied no matter what was said. He's using this opportunity to help the Council, probably thinking that taking their side will boost their impressions about humanity and bring us closer to a seat on the Council.”

“We can't let him get away with this, Sir,” I told him.

“I don't have the authority to unlock my ship's systems. We're stuck here while Saren is free to go after the Conduit. Dammit!” Shepard slammed his hand into a nearby wall. Several of us jumped at the outburst. Shepard turned and promised us, “We may be out of the game for now, but I'll find a way back in.” With that, he headed down to deck two and his quarters, leaving us to disperse.

I pulled Pressley aside while the rest of the team disappeared to the lower decks. “Commander, our mission's been compromised.”

Pressley hesitated, and then nodded. “I agree, Chief, but there's not much we can do. It'd take an Admiral to get us out of lock down, and I don't happen to have one handy.”

I sighed. “Neither do I, but are you sure that's the only way?”

Pressley nodded. “This comes down from the top. Udina must have done some serious hand-pumping among the Brass while we were gone. Unless we can convince him to let us go, we're stuck here.”

Suddenly, Shepard appeared on the deck again, walking quickly towards the airlock. He addressed Pressley without breaking stride. “Commander, I'm on my way to a private meeting on the Citadel. If anyone asks about me, stall. Tell them I'm unavailable, but don't tell them I've left the ship.”

“Aye, Sir.” Pressley and I shared concerned, confused looks. _This doesn't sound good, if Shepard needs an alibi._

“Need any help, Commander?” I offered.

Shepard refused. “No thanks, Chief. Something tells me this isn't a social call. Fewer people that know, the better.” With that, the Spectre disappeared into the airlock, leaving us behind.

“What was that about?” I wondered aloud.

Pressley shrugged. “It's either trouble, or the best news we've had all day. For now, let's hope for the best and plan for the worst.”

“Agreed.” I turned and left the CIC, heading down to see Liara. She might not be the most connected person politically-speaking, but she was still my best hope of ever understanding the Council, and how to get what we wanted out of them.

It had only been about an hour when the ship lurched underneath me, and I realized the magnetic clamps had released. Instantly, I felt the pull of acceleration as the _Normandy_ backed out of her berth, turned around to face away from the docks, and launched forward to leave the Citadel behind. Liara and I looked at each other with wide-eyed surprise before we both scrambled to our feet. Our discussion of the Council had not led anywhere, so how was it we were suddenly free to leave?

I entered the bridge with Liara trailing to find Shepard in command of the deck and Pressley intently staring at his navigation console. “Commander?” I questioned.

Shepard looked to me. He pressed a few buttons at his side and the shipwide address opened up. I heard its distinctive wail through the speakers, getting everyone's attention before he spoke. “Crew, this is your commander speaking. We are underway to Ilos to intercept Saren and his geth. We cannot allow him to gain possession of the Conduit and use it against the Citadel, Earth, or any of our colonies. Our political leaders have failed to heed our warning and left themselves wide open to attack. It is our duty to protect them from all threats, even those they don't understand.

“Therefore, I have commandeered this ship against orders to remain at the Citadel. I will not sit by and let Saren strike first. We've seen only too well what atrocities that turian scum is capable of exacting upon our worlds, even before he found the Conduit. This is the time for action! If we do nothing, we risk losing everything—perhaps even the Citadel itself.

“I know this is unexpected. None of us imagined taking such drastic measures as we have been forced to take. I can only ask that you consider everything you know about this mission and everything we've gone through to get here. I remember our brave soldiers who have died for this mission. I cannot let their sacrifices be in vain! This is not over yet! It will not be over until Saren is cooling his heels in one of our body bags and Sovereign is torn asunder. And so I'm asking more of you than I have ever asked before. I will not rest until our mission is completed. I need you, all of you, to consider your options carefully. I need your support.

“There will be a time to deal with the fallout of this decision later. If it leads to a court-martial, so be it. At least we'll still have a civilization to hold us responsible for our actions today. In the meantime, there is only the mission, and there is only what is necessary to complete it! I expect each of you to look into your hearts and determine what you should do. My door is open to any and all who need to air their concerns from now until we reach our destination. If you wish to formally object with my mutiny, you will be relieved of duty, and I will make note of it in the ship's log. All I can ask is that anyone who decides not to support this mutiny will step aside and allow the rest of us to attempt to do what must be done. ETA to Ilos is thirty-four hours. Shepard out.”

“How did you do it?” I asked. It suddenly seemed vitally important that I know the how. Everyone knew the why now, but nobody knew the how. “How did you break us free of the Citadel if we weren't released?”

Shepard looked me in the eyes, and I could see the regret in them. “Captain Anderson. He broke into the Ambassador's office and faked orders to release the _Normandy_.”

“Where is he?” I asked, knowing the answer, but begging with Shepard to hear anything else.

“Still on the Citadel. By now, he's in custody.”

“He'll be charged with treason,” I pointed out, feeling sick. Anderson was a hero, and not just for giving me an opportunity on his ship. I tried, but imagining him stuck in a cell in the custody of C-Sec seemed incompatible with the image of the collected, professional, and generous CO who greeted me after Eden Prime.

“He volunteered,” Shepard told me. “I'm sorry.”

I spun neatly on heel and toe, marching out of the CIC. _It isn't fair! He doesn't deserve what's going to happen to him now. Dammit!_

Liara chased after me. We descended the stairs. “You think very highly of him, don't you?” she asked. When I didn't answer, it was an answer in itself. She continued, “I'm sorry, Ash.”

I scoffed. “The Alliance is doing it again. Crucifying a man who deserves nothing but respect for doing what _had_ to be done. Fuck, will they ever learn?”

Liara's face contorted with sadness. “I don't know.”

“We'll probably join him soon enough, after this mission's over,” I predicted morosely.

“It's better than the alternative,” she argued _._

I sighed. “Yeah, it is.” I dragged my eyes back up to meet hers. “You don't have to worry about me. It sucks: what they did to my grandfather, and what they're doing to Anderson now, but I've made peace with it. Let them do their worst. I can take it. I always have.”

I paused, shifting gears slightly. “Thanks for being here for me, Liara. I couldn't have made it this far without you. I mean it. I think God Himself put our paths together, because without your balance, I would have collapsed long ago. So thank you, and I love you.”

Liara's eyes shown with tears. “Thank you. I love you, and together, we'll get through this.” As I turned into her at the bottom of the steps, she caught me in her arms and pulled us together for nothing more than a sweet, loving kiss. Need struck me unexpectedly, and I kissed her back a little more forcefully, encouraging her daring maneuver. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I thought to myself, _I'm making out with Liara right in the open with the entire crew around!_ My only response was a rush of excitement that made it impossible to let her go while the sensation lasted.

When I finally _did_ regain control enough for us to separate, the first thing to occur to me was that my cheeks were still incredibly flushed from the heady feelings produced by Liara's simple affection. We stared into each other's eyes a moment, both of us smiling a little too widely at what we'd done. I could tell she was feeling it too; that thrill of the forbidden fruit.

() () () () ()

I couldn't remember the last time I'd been in a sleeper pod, but now I was. It felt wrong to be ensconced in this comfortable, but confining and dark place. As unconventional and imperfect as it was, I should have been in the med bay: uncomfortable, bright, somewhat loud, and very open. Furthermore, Kaidan Alenko should be here to claim this sleeper pod during these hours.

With a sigh, I opened up the door and stepped out of the pod, closing it behind me. After trying for two hours, I still wasn't able to sleep. My mind swirled with worries about things in my life that were still unfinished, things like marriage and building a personal life with someone. I'd never really wanted to do that with those who came before Liara; not once did I so desperately want to peek into our futures and see what became of us. _Deep down, even while I was with my boyfriends, I knew it was going to end, and probably soon. It wasn't their fault, or my fault, it was just—expected._

With Liara, my curiosity was unquenchable. I wanted to know this would all work out. _It has to work out, in some way!_ Admitting our feelings to each other had been a monumental step, but it was just that—a step towards something more. Something building in the horizon.

It was crazy, but I was scared of both seeing what this future held for us and of being denied the chance to see it. Instinctively, I knew nothing would be the same when Liara and I became official, out to everyone, even my family. Even assuming _that_ went smoothly, what would we do with our lives together? Where would we live? _God, am I really thinking of marriage and living together already?_ This was new; this was something that never happened before, while I'd been with someone else, not even as an abstract, hypothetical consideration.

Even though I was a virtual cornucopia of mixed emotions tonight, I could tell that the gnawing feeling in my stomach came from one very specific fear: the fear that I might never find answers to these questions because I was out of time. If Saren and the Reapers won at Ilos and brought our galaxy to its knees, Liara and I would be cut short before our life together could become anything more concrete than a dream.

For that matter, we were rushing into what we expected to be the bulk of Saren's forces, an armada of ships, and a dreadnought that was alive and out for blood. What chances did we have, really? The chances of casualties on Virmire had been high. The chance of casualties on Ilos were too damning to even think about.

I tried to think more optimistically before I lost my nerve completely. Saren had over a sixty-two hour lead on us. His dreadnought was hopefully slower than a _frigate_ , but considering its mind-blowing technology, that wasn't guaranteed, I supposed. Since he couldn't hide, he'd have to fight past pirate patrols in the Terminus Systems. They wouldn't prove to be much of a detriment to his flagship or his geth fleet, but they might slow him down, especially if he wasn't taking any chances. He needed to kill all potential witnesses if he wanted to avoid leading us straight to him.

All of us on the _Normandy_ had to bank on that. If Saren had already made it to Ilos—then there really was no point in anything we were doing. _Enough, I don't want to think about it anymore. Whatever the situation is, we will have to deal with it. This is what we are all here for. We will not be cowed before we even take our shot against these homicidal maniacs_.

I looked at the other pods, spotting Liara's, which read that it was occupied. I had a sudden rush of desire to go over there and open the pod. I wanted to see her, hear her, smell her, and touch her. I _really_ wanted to taste her; oh the ways I would kiss her right now! Shocked, my cheeks colored with embarrassment, and I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. _No distractions, Ash! This is_ the _most important mission of all time. You need to be prepared for that, not daydreaming about holding her. What would the Lieutenant say, if he was here and heard what you were thinking? You'd get a dressing-down, and you'd deserve it, too._

I paced near my pod in a tight back-and-forth pattern. _You need sleep, but you can't fall asleep... Chakwas could put you out with something in the med bay._ I frowned. _I don't need to wake up tomorrow and find out the drugs haven't released me from their grasp yet. That would be worse than just staying up all night._

I shrugged my shoulders, waving my arms straight out from my sides, trying to loosen up a little. I glimpsed Liara's pod again, and instantly my undisciplined thoughts returned to her. _Shepard said this could be it for all of us. This could be the last chance any of us have. There's no way to know. I need to tell her I love her again. I need to_ show _her. A million times. Until she_ knows _it, like she knows herself. I can't let there be one ounce of doubt left in her of all the things I want for us._

My imagination turned rampant, placing us together in that dark corner over behind the row of pods. I would hold her against the bulkhead, and she would rest against me, and we would— _Ashley Williams! You stop that RIGHT NOW!_ I shook my head even harder this time, even banging a palm against one of my temples, but the thoughts stubbornly held me captive, and I couldn't deny the effect they were having on me.

My traitorous legs diverted from their previous course, and before I even realized what they'd done, I was standing in arm's reach of Liara's pod. Like a woman possessed, my arm rose up of its own accord, and I touched the cool metal and plastic of the pod's exterior construction. I rubbed the smooth material, but it refused to respond to my actions. Not like I could imagine Liara responding. I could see her, rising into my touch, demanding more contact...

 _You're ruined, you know that? Here you are, fondling a piece of_ metal _and imagining you're doing it to Liara. You have no self-control. Earth to Ashley Williams, you remember a certain life or death mission looming in your immediate future?_

 _Of course I remember it. That's why I want to be with her so bad, isn't it?_ I sighed mentally, dropping my hand from the pod. _Well it isn't going to happen. You can't let your first time with her be like that. She deserves to be treated like a goddess. She deserves everything. Oh, and you know what she really deserves? A bed that fits two. Got one lying around here? Didn't think so, genius._

_Our first time is going to be special. I swear it. I won't allow anything less. She is going to know she is the most important thing in the galaxy to me. It's not going to be desperate; it's not going to be at the end of a metaphorical gun pointed at our heads._

I turned away and marched back over to my pod. As I grabbed the edge of it and prepared to step inside, I heard a pneumatic hiss of a pod's door opening, and it came from Liara's direction. Awkwardly, I turned to look over my shoulder to confirm I hadn't imagined it.

I hadn't.

As Liara stepped out to where we could see each other, she was already looking in my direction. She held my gaze effortlessly as she stepped out, allowing the pod's door to close behind her. As she approached, I pushed away from my pod like retreating inside it was the worst idea I'd had in my life. I turned to face her, my breaths coming a little shallowly.

“Liara,” I greeted her, or perhaps I asked her; I was still unable to recover from my surprise with the way she was zoning in on my eyes with her own.

She didn't answer, but closed her eyes and pulled me into an embrace. Immediately, my own arms came up to accept it. I took in my first deep breath of her. Nervousness, confusion, and any curiosity I might have had only a moment before all evaporated as I recognized what mattered was being here, everything else be damned.

In the time that it took for any kind of verbal communication to make a reappearance, I had so completely adjusted to Liara that I could hear her heartbeat as it pulsed rhythmically just under her skin. At long last, she told me, “I couldn't sleep.”

I nodded softly against her, rubbing skin with skin just enough to send tingles down my arms and to my fingers. I felt my heart skip a beat at the pleasant sensation.

“I don't want to sleep,” I replied back. One gentle nudge from my nose against her soft cheek told her what I wanted, and Liara turned her head away from me enough to offer me her neck. I kissed her there first, then sucked, pulling her skin briefly between my lips.

“Ohh,” she moaned lowly. I could hear the need in her voice, and a rush ripped through me faster than I could even put a word to what it was. I put one leg between hers and slid my hands down to cup her butt, bringing her body to me, placing my thigh tight against the junction of her legs. I felt Liara's chest expand against mine as she sucked in a sudden deep breath of her own. “If we are ever going to be together... I want to be together now,” she whispered.

“We are,” I tried to tell her.

“Not what I mean,” Liara countered immediately.

I didn't have a good response ready for that. “What do you mean, then?”

Liara leaned away from me to make eye contact. Although I was still caught in the feeling of desire that seemed to fill the very air between us, I noticed that her eyes were a little wider than they should be. She covered for it almost immediately; affixing a decidedly neutral gaze, but it wasn't perfect. _Is she afraid of something?_ I asked myself, growing concerned that I might have pushed too far. I relinquished my hold and backed off like I'd been burned. “Did I do something wrong?” I asked, wincing.

Before I could continue concocting all manners of worst case scenarios, she answered, “No, never, Ash. I have to tell you something first—I'm finding it hard to find the words... I've never—been with someone before. I am only a young adult by my people's standards, and furthermore—. It's so important to me that I wanted to wait until I found someone I truly loved.”

I swallowed reflexively, surprised by her admission, still worried I'd done something wrong. _She's technically so much older than I am; I never considered... Should I apologize? What should I say?_

Liara didn't wait for my mind to completely catch up, however. “We're both on a collision course with what will probably be the most dangerous battle we've ever undertaken. I can feel the finality of it building up before us. It's made me think about what I want most, what is most precious to me, and what I want to do with the time that we have left.”

Liara had held my gaze perfectly until now as she blinked and looked away briefly. It was then that I realized what I was seeing—Liara felt vulnerable. She continued, “I'm not trying to push us anywhere we are not prepared to go—I realize there are so many other considerations in our lives—but I think you should know that I've come to realize that I've been waiting for you. All I can think about is how much I'll regret it if I don't say anything now, while I still can. I want to be with you, Ash.”

Her words hit me in the gut much harder than I expected. My heart fluttered with its own nervousness. I knew it was important to say the right thing now, and God as my witness, I wanted the perfect words to put her at ease.

“I've never seen you look so still. Did I scare you?” Liara's brow gave her away; she was losing her courage rapidly. Instinct told me she was a fleeting moment away from apologizing herself and withdrawing entirely... The exact opposite of what I really wanted. I had to act!

“No, no, of course not!” I hurriedly attempted to allay her fears, even unconsciously reaching out to her to keep her firmly rooted in place. “I'm not scared. I just—I never expected to hear this, that I would be your first. I'm—amazed that you... God Liara, don't be afraid, you never have to be afraid. I feel the same way you do.” I rushed to add the last part, my mouth working much faster than my mind could.

I needed to convince her that everything was still fine, because as far as I was concerned, it was. Words kept falling from my lips before I could so much as realize what I was saying. “So many times I've felt so inadequate in my own life, like when I'm forced to fight the prejudice of what feels like the entire Systems Alliance just to get a fair chance to prove myself. I tried not to let it affect me, but it did, and far deeper than I realized. I must have accepted that inadequacy into myself a long time ago. I never realized it until recently, until you came into my life.”

I locked my gaze with Liara's, putting all the conviction I had into that wordless communication. “I owe it all to you. It's like I've been reborn and a weight was removed from my shoulders. Liara, you make me feel good enough.” I paused. I recognized that the words I'd spoken were from the heart, but now my heart had spoken its piece. Unfortunately, that left my mind to pick up from here, and I was completely uncertain where to go next.

Liara seemed to know because she took control immediately, but naturally. She closed back on me and in the space of a breath she was kissing me hard. The sensation broke me out of my uncertainty, and I eagerly reciprocated, my eyes snapping shut while I channeled my excitement through the touch of our lips.

I felt her arms slide beneath mine as I moved my own up to hug her over her shoulders. Thrilling electricity shot through me as she took two handfuls of my toned glutes and urged me to plaster my body against hers once more. Desire coursed throughout my body, and I felt hot all over. My clothes were becoming a stuffy, uncomfortable barrier to the growing want to touch and be touched.

When we stopped kissing for a momentary breath, I opened my eyes and was greeted by the completely transformed dark orbs of Liara's. She was staring right into my soul with those eyes, and although we weren't bonding, I still imagined that she was seeing for herself just how greatly she affected me with a kiss. I could barely remind myself to breathe... I wondered how it felt, knowing she had this control over me.

“Do you want to—” Liara began to ask me.

“Embrace eternity, with you? Yes, Liara, God yes, a thousand times yes!”

Liara's relief was palpable; her desire was written in every corner of her face, and the warmth of her sigh of relief against my face was throwing gasoline on my own fire faster than I could track.

My mind raced with everything I wanted to do, every part of her body I wanted to touch, but in some cognizant part of my mind I realized we couldn't very well do anything of the sort while standing in front of the damned sleeper pods. That little part of my mind that wasn't completely distracted by the beautiful woman in front of me managed to hold out just long enough to make a single suggestion to fix our problem.

I kissed her again, but pulled away enough to lead her towards the doors at the back of the sleeper pods area. As the kiss ended, I caught her eyes and silently implored her to follow my lead. I could see acceptance in her eyes, so I took her by the hand and led her straight to the shower on deck two. There weren't as many here as on deck three, and there was less room... But we didn't need space between us, did we? I certainly couldn't fathom why we would.

I let go of her hand just long enough to grab her hips, and with a playful shove I tossed Liara into the shower room. Nimble on her feet, Liara recovered easily and laughed flirtatiously. Eagerly she reached for me as I entered behind her. I gave her sudden, passionate kiss, and broke it off just as suddenly as I realized I could create an impromptu lock with one of the detachable shower heads snaked through the door's latch. I felt a little bit of pure carnal pleasure spike through me as I locked us inside.

Liara's eyes welcomed me after I finished and turned back; they were as fully dark as a starless, midnight sky, but her irises were marked out with thin, silvery lines. With just a look, we shared unspoken communication about the urgency of what we needed. Each of us attacked our own clothes with heated determination, pulling off shirts, pants, underwear, leaving nothing foreign to our bodies.

As I at long last managed to divulge myself of every hindrance, I looked up at Liara and froze, taking in a sudden, sharp intake of breath. Her body was so stunning nude. Her feet looked a little bit smaller than mine, colored in Liara's trademark shade of blue that would probably forever be my new favorite color. Raking my eyes over her, I could just make out her calf muscles peeking out against her skin. Her thighs were noticeably thinner than mine, making her look more lithe. At their apex I was relieved to see folds of skin I could recognize like my own, but there was never so much as a single hair on her body. The rounding of her hips was slight, but feminine enough to still spike my immediate attraction. I followed her curves further up until I could take my fill of her breasts, topped with nipples colored a dusky blue. In a snap judgment, I decided that they transformed her body into pure art. With gargantuan effort, I forced myself to look away from her bosom, to finish the circuit my eyes had started what felt like an eternity ago. As our eyes met at long last, I knew she had to be able to see how libidinous I had become, because there was no hiding it, not when my reaction was this powerful. I had no idea—I had never imagined—well, I had _tried_ , but she was—.

_My God she is so sexy, is this even real?_

“Ash?!” she whispered heatedly. I could tell she was questioning both why I had stopped and if I would take the first step.

“You're so beautiful, Liara,” I whispered reassuringly as I closed the distance between us. She sighed with relief from anxiety I hadn't even noticed in her, and she became even more radiant and stunning. My hand rose up, hesitated just short of touching her bosom. “So beautiful,” I repeated, unable to say anything else of any coherence whatsoever. _I was never a word person,_ I reflected to myself, _why should I worry about them now?_

That little question gave me the courage to bridge the gap remaining between us. I skipped her breasts entirely, however, in a move that confused even me, until my palm was flat against her chest, feeling the thrum of her heart directly beneath.

It made perfect sense now. I sucked in a harried breath, scarcely able to think. “I can feel your heart, Liara.”

Liara leaned slightly against my hand, increasing the pressure. “Can I?” she asked, bringing up her own hand. My mind barely registered her inquiry or her movement until I felt her own hand over my heart. I blinked, surprised, breaking free of the stupor that had taken me. Liara smiled charmingly, as if she was aware that my mind had blanked for a moment. “When we meld, our hearts can beat as one because our lives have become connected, intertwined. Goddess, it's all I can think about. You're all I can think about, because when I think about you, nothing else matters.”

“I love you, Liara,” I murmured, “and I want to make love to you.”

“Then kiss me,” she implored.

My hand left her heart to circumnavigate her breast until I cupped her from the side. I brought up my other hand to rest on her hip easily. Liara mimicked me precisely, even as I leaned forward towards her. Our lips met in a heated embrace of their own.

We came into deeper contact, stomachs, thighs, everything amalgamating along a curvy line of never-ending sensations. Liara continued to purposefully copy me, even down to my harsh, staccato breathing between innumerable kisses.

My world melted around me, colors mixing together before fading into the black of the void. I felt myself falling towards her, towards our bonding, and the words “Embrace eternity” somehow came to me as I urged myself to fall faster still. As we came together, I felt quivering anticipation filling my soul.

With shared instinct, we made love to each other, with our every breath a prayer of thanksgiving, and our every reverent touch an expression of worship.

() () () () ()

My thoughts wandered in a pleasant haze of bliss. _Sex with Liara was... it was_ fucking amazing— _and really what else could it have been?_ I couldn't even begin to describe it. It wasn't just about our bodies finding their release. It wasn't even about the bonding that Liara's species can do—although that had its own definite advantages, streamlining the communication of what my new lover needed or what I needed from her. I had to admit that the level of communication we shared on our first night, the honesty of expression and personal desires, was amazing in its own right. Neither of us knew anything about our partner's sexual body before tonight, and yet we each seemed to intuit exactly the right places to touch, exactly the right amount of stimulation we needed to provide. _That bonding takes a lot of getting used to_ , I reflected, smiling slightly to myself. _I can't wait to try again and keep getting better at it._

Still, even that paled in comparison to the most important thing that I'd felt— _we'd_ felt, actually. It was a sense of rightness. Completeness. It was like nothing I'd ever felt before in any relationship with any other person in my life. I gave a piece of myself to her because I was completely in love with her. There was no denying it, no hiding from it, and certainly no aversion to it, either.

Perhaps that should have surprised me. For a long time I had convinced myself I was pretty much better off on my own. After reaching for her, however, and feeling her reach for me as well... It seemed utterly ridiculous to think I'd ever feel either complete or capable of soaring to such heights on my own.

In a perfect world I would have taken the next few years just to study her body and how I could affect it. Really, I would have been happy with another week, or at the very least, another day, dedicated entirely to Liara. As time marched forward, however, I knew we had to leave this sparkling little sanctuary of tile and shower heads. We had found a moment for each other that I hadn't thought possible, but yet we had to put our relationship back on hold, as brutal as it seemed.

“We have to leave,” I mumbled huskily. Liara and I were lying on the small floor, bunched together from where we'd come to rest.

From where her head lay on my bosom, Liara replied with a noncommittal, “Mmm.”

I honestly felt the exact same way, but my discipline wasn't going to let me drop the issue. Reluctantly, I continued, “We need to be ready for what's coming next. If we aren't ready, we'll die.”

That seemed to get her attention. Liara lifted off of me, and I immediately felt the chill of her absence against my heated skin. Despite the limited floorspace with the way we were sprawled, she managed to make it to her knees, where she looked down on me with an incomprehensible look.

“I don't want to think about it,” she declared, her eyebrows knitting closer together. “Can't we take five minutes to just be ourselves, be together, without bringing mortal danger into it?”

“It's been more than five minutes,” I shot right back, smirking at her. “Besides, this place is too small. I'll get a cramp, and that will definitely not help matters.”

Liara sighed morosely. “Ash, you are a hell of a mood-killer.”

I pouted slightly. _Doesn't she realize how difficult it is for me to even mention this?_ “I'm sorry, I don't want to leave either, but it's the truth, Love!”

Liara's eyes shot to mine as soon as the words left my mouth, but she said nothing.

“Did you like that?” I asked her earnestly. I hoped I knew her response, but maybe it was best to ask.

“I loved it,” she replied, her smile appearing like the sun breaking out from behind thick clouds.

“Then when we finish this mission and they give us all medals and vacations, I'll call you 'Love' every day,” I declared.

Liara's smile brightened further and her eyes danced with mirth. “A vacation, huh? Where will we go?”

“Amaterasu,” I answered breezily, as if it were the only logical answer in the galaxy. “I'll show you all the places I've been. We'll tour all the major cities. Then, when we're all done, I'll take you home.”

“Home?” Liara's smile grew pensive, but she seemed to be fighting to hide it.

“To my house, where my mother and sisters will meet us. I'll have a big announcement to make.”

“Oh?” Liara asked, unsure.

“I want them to meet my love,” I told her, reaching out to lovingly caress her cheek.

“That should be quite the scandal!” Liara commented, looking quite concerned.

 _She must be uncertain about my resolve,_ I thought. “I'm serious, Liara. We're doing it. I won't hide us any more. I can't even stand the thought of doing that to you.”

Liara finally seemed to accept my answer because she smiled once again and reached out to me. I took her hands, and together we slowly made our way back to our feet. She brought me into a hug and mumbled into my ear, “I like your plan. It's horribly romantic.”

I laughed, completely unable to contain it. “It is, isn't it?” I asked rhetorically.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

 

I stood on the bridge along with the rest of Shepard's team watching the holographic representation at the CIC of the _Normandy_ and the space around the terminating Relay that had decelerated us. The holograph showed five ships in the same area, and they immediately went on the attack.

“Commander, five hostiles, they're locking on!”

“Full power to kinetic barriers. Joker, get us into FTL ASAP!”

“Coming about,” Joker informed us.

The weapons officer reported, “One geth cruiser and four frigates, range forty kilometers and closing!”

I watched the five ships alter course to face us directly. As soon as their own spinal-mounted MAC guns were aligned, they opened fire. The cruiser, the bulkiest of them all and not meant for such close ranges, had the hardest time lining up its shot. The frigates' first volley stuck us along the ventral hull while we turned away from them. Kinetic barriers stopped the weapon's fire from instantly obliterating us all.

The _Normandy_ rocked heavily and seemed to swing down drunkenly before Joker wrestled the ship back into his control and pulled up to complete his tight turn. Another barrage followed almost immediately behind the first, but the _Normandy_ avoided two of the incoming projectiles by completing its turn. As another two slugs slammed into the ship's aft, the weapons officer reported, “Barriers down to seventy percent. Cruiser is about to fire!”

From what I knew about ship-to-ship combat, bigger is unfortunately better, and I didn't want to know what would happen if the cruiser managed to hit us with its much longer MAC gun. The damage could be crippling for all I knew. I was frozen in place with fear. The mere thought of spaceborne combat scared me a little; death by decompression would leave a body horrifyingly disfigured. The ground was something I could control. I could meet death on my terms with my feet on the soil and a weapon in my hands. I could be connected to something permanent as my soul left my body. Out here in the black, I was utterly disconnected from everything and useless, stuck standing around and waiting for the end to come or not come, however the cards fell.

 _Dammit Joker, I've come too fucking far to die now. Get us out of this or I'll kill you!_ The thought surprised me, and I briefly considered the unintended hollowness of the threat should Joker fail to save us.

“Engaging FTL!” Joker shouted. Everyone felt the pull of a sudden acceleration while the geth ships' emissions red-shifted, an effect caused by traveling beyond light speed. The _Normandy_ entered FTL a moment before the cruiser's round was fired at our former position. Now that we were at FTL, we could not be tracked easily, much less attacked.

Joker took us straight to Ilos, not wasting a moment. We dropped into the star system behind a moon where the assembled geth wouldn't have the line of sight to shoot us. Shepard ordered the internal emissions sink engaged, and we were hidden from sensors as it began to absorb the energy normally allowed to radiate from the ship, like heat. We couldn't be seen now unless we flew close enough to some geth ship to be spotted visually. The chances of that were small, but I was still frightened, and I knew I wouldn't be happy until I was on the ground, no matter what was waiting down there for me.

 _Sovereign_ was not here at all. When the weapons officer corroborated this, I worried we might be too late. There were seventeen geth ships in the area. Five were dropships, which appeared to have dropped their troops already. Joker brought us into the geth's weapon range in order to reach a high orbit at Ilos, but we were not attacked. They couldn't shoot what their sensors couldn't see. They looked ready to fight, knowing we were here, but so long as we hid we were untouchable.

Now it was time to find a place to land the ground team. Shepard and Pressley were currently trying to find a solution to that very point. Pressley studied his screen at the CIC. “Picking up strange readings from the surface, Commander.”

Shepard smirked with predatory delight. “Take us down, Joker. Lock in on those coordinates.”

Pressley looked up from his console at the Spectre. “Negative on that, Commander. The nearest landing zone's two klicks away.”

I felt the mounting pressure to act, and my mind pushed aside its fear long enough for me to think about our situation. “We'll never make it in time on foot. Get us something closer!”

Pressley turned to me and snapped, “There is no where closer, I've looked!”

Shepard revised his order, “Drop us in the mako.”

Pressley shot that down too. “You need at least a hundred meters of open terrain to pull off a drop like that. The most I've got near Saren is twenty.”

I gasped. “Twenty meters? No way we can make a drop in there.”

I could just see the mako slamming into trees, boulders, and other debris, draining its barriers, and then turning the tank—and more importantly everyone inside it—into paste. We needed space to slow down at a humanly survivable rate as we reached the ground, and that's all there was to it. The _Normandy's_ attitude could be adjusted to face the ground more than usual for mako drops, but even that had limits. The angle for a twenty meter drop would probably end with both the mako and the _Normandy_ on the ground, but the _Normandy_ would be a smashed wreck, lost with all hands.

I was caught off guard when Liara rebutted me, “We have to try!”

“Find another landing zone!” I implored Pressley.

Frustrated, Pressley shouted back, “There is no other landing zone!”

Tali vocalized what we all knew was wrong with the plan. “The descent angle's too steep.”

“It's our only option,” Liara argued calmly.

I refused to let sheer idiocy kill us this close to our objective. “It's not an option; it's a suicide run! We don't—.”

Joker interrupted me, “I can do it.”

Shepard looked over to the pilot. “Joker?”

“I can do it,” Joker repeated, his voice filled with conviction.

“Ashley, Wrex, Liara, gear up and head down to the mako. Joker, drop us right on top of that bastard!”

I looked up at the helm where Joker sat briefly, and then at Liara and Wrex. _I gotta trust Joker. If he says he can do it, then he can. He wasn't the top of his class in flight school for no reason, right?_ I led the team down to the lockers near the mako bay. We were all already armored, so all that was left to do was to hand out weapons. I grabbed the Spectre sniper, my rocket assault rifle, a standard shotgun, and a pistol. Liara got a pistol and assault rifle, and Wrex took four weapons as well. Shepard joined us a moment later, claiming a Spectre-issue assault rifle even as he noticed my unusual rifle clipped to my back.

“Wow, Ash, Spectre-issue wasn't enough for you?” he drawled.

I smirked, throwing out a quick “Poetic justice, killing them with their own weapons,” and climbed into the mako behind Liara. Shepard took the wheel, and we felt the _Normandy_ begin to buckle as she entered the atmosphere. The buckling continued for a few minutes before the mako bay door was opened. I couldn't see much of the horizon because the ship was oriented straight down at the surface of Ilos. The ship was accelerating from gravity, and I began to doubt Joker again. _This isn't going to work. Look at this! It isn't going to work! This is craa—zzyy!_ The word was involuntarily dragged out in my head as I felt the mako jump forward away from the ship. In less than a breath we were free of the ship and heading straight for the ground, which was rushing up far too quickly for my taste.

The mako's computer immediately began to burn the ventral jump thrusters, bringing our nose up so it pointed into the air instead of at the ground. All four corner thrusters were then lit, attempting to slow the mako's descent towards the ground. The mako's small eezo core kicked in, making the mako less massive so it would be more responsive to the thrusters, as well as assisting in keeping the mako oriented properly to land on her wheels.

“Brace yourselves,” Shepard warned. “We're coming in hard!”

I grabbed both armrests on my chair and closed my eyes. _Please God, please save us!_ No one dared to speak a word aloud. The mako trembled as the air whistled past us. There was a violent lurch as the back wheels hit the ground, followed quickly by the front. The mako angled forward on its suspension as the wheels were locked up by the brakes. I was thrust forward violently into my restraints as the tank came sliding to a stop. I felt myself being crushed against them. I opened my eyes when all sensations of movement finally disappeared. We were sitting in front of a huge wall. It was less than six meters away at first estimation. _Thank you for saving us from being turned into paste on huge wall,_ I sent my heartfelt thanks quietly up to the sky.

 _No, not a wall,_ I realized, spotting diagonal creases where the wall split into three pieces. It was a door. The top triangular wedge probably went up into the ceiling while the pieces to either side of it retracted into the walls. This had to be the biggest door I'd ever seen, and it looked remarkably solid in its construction.

I brought up ground-penetrating radar, but couldn't get anything beyond the door. “I can't see past this door,” I told the others. “It seems it's been locked up tight, and if the radar can't see beyond it, there's little chance we can blast through it either.”

“Saren's behind that door, I know it,” Shepard told us. “We need to get in there _now!_ ”

Wrex brought the mako's turret to face the door before us. “So, you want me to light it up?” he asked, hopeful.

“There may be a better option,” Liara interceded. “I'm detecting a working power supply and a control circuit connected to this door. We might be able to order it to open from a security substation on this side of the door.”

“That's more like it,” I approved. “Finally, a plan I can agree with.”

Shepard considered our options briefly before agreeing, “Right, let's move.”

The grounds nearby were too narrow with trees and outcroppings; the mako wouldn't be able to move until we got the door open to proceed inside. I opened the hatch and led the rest out. There were two stone pillars nearby, each six meters high. I approached them, ready to use them for cover if necessary, looking around to spot anything geth.

I heard the geth call out a chirping warning to its squad mates before I could see it. I ducked against the pillar, crashing to the ground, calling out, “Contact!”

Instantly, everyone went low and got up against some kind of cover. Liara was against the other pillar opposite mine, while Wrex and Shepard, further back, had nothing but tall, thick trees.

Bullets began to fly my way, and I still had no idea where the enemy was. The geth could be damned sneaky when they wanted to be. I glanced around the pillar briefly, spying something white, but I wasn't sure if it was a geth's armor or something as innocuous as a white rose bush, because the bullets forced me to hide again. I could hear two—maybe three assault rifles at the moment.

I pulled my rocket assault rifle, but I didn't have anything to shoot at yet. “No visual!” I yelled, “At least two—three baddies.”

“Can anybody see them?” Shepard asked.

“No,” Liara answered.

Wrex growled, “They're not trying to kill us, they're trying to pin us here.”

“They've got backup en route,” I suggested.

“We need to get out of here, then.” Shepard considered his possibilities silently. “Fall back to the mako!”

“Liara, covering fire,” I ordered. Liara had her assault rifle ready. She looked to me, and I nodded. Together, the two of us turned partially around our respective pillars, firing rounds into the forest. Our fire combined with the geth's to tear into soft foliage, ripping up low tree branches, bushes, and shrubs of every description.

Wrex and Shepard fell back. The geth never let up their fire on us, our attempts to suppress them through random fire proving highly ineffectual. Liara's light armor lost kinetic barrier integrity first, but mine weren't far behind, so I took cover at the same time.

I knocked the back of my head against the pillar in frustration. _Gotta do something, gotta do something fast; they're going to kill you if you don't!_ I looked over to Liara. She looked back at me, imploring me to fix the situation. I wanted to tell her I was trying, but I was extremely low on options.

Then I noticed a branch halfway up a tree that was visible just above the top of her helmet. It was big and thick, like most of the trees in this forest. Bigger, in fact, than most trees on earth or any of the colonies. _They look big enough to carry an ATV,_ I remarked to myself. _Thickest trees I've_ ever _seen._

I took another glance across the withering field of fire, my shields now fully recharged. I nodded to Liara, and we got up off the ground, remaining safely hidden behind the stone pillars. Then I nodded again, and we opened fire into the forest. Liara began to fall back immediately, but I purposely lagged slightly, making sure to put myself and my stronger armor between them and Liara. Bullets ricocheted off my barriers in random directions, some even going almost straight down because of the angle at which the bullets deflected.

I dove back behind a tree that had been Wrex's cover before he'd fallen back. Liara continued back further to where Shepard and Wrex waited. We were supposed to fall back in waves to the mako, but now I was separated from the rest, unable to make it back to their position before my barriers fell.

The withering fire discouraged exposing even the slightest bit of my body beyond the trunk of the tree. I was truly worried. _Why the hell can't we see them! Where are they!?_ Annoyingly, my cover had a big branch sticking out of it at my head level, forcing me to duck below to have enough space to stay safely behind the trunk. _No wonder Wrex didn't complain about falling back. He wouldn't want to stay here behind this cover; he'd fit worse than me._

I considered using another rocket, but with only two inside and no idea where to shoot it, I worried it would be a waste of very limited ammo. I wondered briefly if my trophy got us into this mess, but I saw no possible way how. Exposing myself to their fire, I began to shoot in-between the pillars into the forest. I didn't see my bullets connect with anything but flora and fauna; unfortunately the geth seemed to have a direct line on me, and my barriers quickly plummeted.

As I took cover for them to recharge, Shepard urged me, “Williams, you have to fall back,”

“I know!” I yelled, still highly frustrated, and getting even more so by the second. “I'm pinned! We've gotta find them!”

I ducked and rolled from Wrex's former tree to Shepard's former cover. I got behind it just in time for my kinetic barrier warning to go off again. I got back to my feet, waiting an eternity for the damn thing to recharge. I spun to my right, knowing that spinning left and shooting between those pillars was a lesson in futility. More incoming bullets found their mark, but this time I saw the flash of a geth's weapon.

 _What the—they're up in the trees!_ I was shocked, and I didn't have time to attempt to shoot the geth I'd spotted because my barriers were falling too quickly. I covered up earlier than necessary. “Found one,” I told the others. “Hold on.” _Didn't expect the geth to start being clever as well as numerically superior. Wonderful. Guerrilla tactics like this could be the end of us._

As soon as my barriers were ready, I spun out, going lower this time. I aimed at where I'd seen the flash. I opened up with the rifle, ripping leaves and smaller branches to pieces, leaving only the hulking thick branch that connected to the trunk. I caught the geth by the foot and leg, the rounds draining his kinetic barriers. As they went down, more bullets hit the leg itself, imparting a force to the geth that toppled its balance. With a crash, the geth fell three and a half meters, but it was still quite functional.

“Williams, down!” Shepard ordered.

I bit the dirt behind my tree immediately, landing on my stomach with a reactionary spasm from the harshness of the impact. I heard a new weapon open up even as I landed. It was coming from my right somewhere—a geth had flanked me!

Shepard, Liara, and Wrex combined their firepower to drive the geth behind its tree again. Sensing my opportunity, I crawled back towards the others. By the time the flanking geth could take another shot, I was back with the rest of the squad, about halfway between the pillars and the mako. The four of us could keep that one geth suppressed indefinitely, but the rest of its squad would use the opportunity to advance unchallenged and even perhaps unseen through the thick forest. The longer we held this position, the more likely we'd be flanked and killed just as I had almost been.

So instead of waiting for them to get out of the trees and reposition themselves to flank, Shepard sent Wrex to our right flank while we supplied covering fire. Wrex got around the geth's cover and finished it off before the rest of its squad could do anything about it. I explained spotting one geth in the trees themselves, and we all paid closer attention to the branches above as we attempted to advance back towards the pillars.

Liara spotted a geth shock trooper just before it blindsided her with fire, and she sent a biotic thrust at it that knocked it back into a tree. She immediately set upon it with her rifle, killing it in short order, before retaking cover behind a tree trunk.

Wrex and Shepard suppressed two others, allowing me to advance back up to a tree beside the pillars. I wove my way around its broad trunk and threw a grenade at the both of them. With no time to escape, the geth were caught in the explosion, which dropped their shields and mangled a few of their limbs. I opened up with my rocket assault rifle, making sure I ended them both.

Shepard and Wrex advanced quickly to my position and beyond, taking a few hits to their barriers, but managing to retake cover when it became necessary. I waited to back up Liara as she moved to catch up to them.

Now that I was pulling up the rear, I hunched over as far as I could while running for a tree I'd picked out further up. I stumbled over a fallen branch about a quarter meter from my objective and suddenly my kinetic barriers were _gone._ I felt something impact my shoulder and collapsed to the ground. As adrenaline shot through me, I crab-walked until I could collapse against the trunk. Only one thing could have drained my shields in a single shot: a powerful sniper rifle. My tripping on that fallen branch just saved my life, and I knew I had to thank my deity for that later.

But before that, we needed to deal with this situation. I yelled out a warning to the others, “Sniper!”

Shepard, Wrex, and Liara covered up. “Where?” Shepard yelled back.

“I don't know, but he almost got me. Be careful!”

“Wrex, Liara, find the sniper! Williams, are you all right?”

I pushed myself up off the tree and got to my feet, careful to stay where I couldn't be shot at. “I'm fine, Commander. Armor intact.” I sheathed my rocket assault rifle and switched to the sniper rifle. The Spectre weapon unpacked into its deadly configuration, and I carefully peeked beyond cover to locate the sniper.

Liara found it first. “There! Up high and to the left!”

I looked in the general direction she indicated and found two geth troopers firing their assault rifles at us, concentrating on Wrex's position. The next thing to click in my mind was that the sniper was holed up directly behind them on a big tree branch. I could see him aiming at Liara. My rifle shot up to point in his direction. I wasn't fast enough, however, to prevent his next shot. His weapon went off. One moment later I pulled the trigger and he was dead.

I checked my squad HUD and saw that Liara's suit still registered full integrity. The geth must have been unable to get a clear line of fire on her, or she pulled away just in time. I breathed in silent relief.

Wrex and Shepard finished off the other two troopers. We took careful looks all around us before deciding it was clear enough to proceed. Our progress seemed unbearably slow due to the necessity of caution, but finally the four of us reached an elevator. Liara looked at the control board beside it.

“It's Prothean,” she told us. “This whole facility must be Prothean, and it's still operational. I can't believe it, after 50,000 years, first we find beacons, and now _this..._ ”

I could tell from her voice she could scarcely believe it. She was also pretty excited, which was something I wouldn't have expected considering the fierce fighting we'd just endured.

Liara studied it for another couple of minutes while the rest of us covered her. Suddenly, there was a sequence of beeps and the door beside the console began to open. The door, same as the walls around it, were rock-faced and worn from thousands of years of weather. As the door moved, I noticed some fallen vines that must have been part of the larger plant growing on the face of this wall.

“Someone's used this door before us,” I noted. “Looks like we're on the right track to finding that security substation where the larger door was shut and locked from.”

Shepard approved. “Good. Everyone on the elevator. Let's move. Saren's getting a bigger lead the more time we waste.” There were no objections to that as we all quickly climbed inside. Liara tapped a control surface on one wall and the door began to close while the elevator began to move down below the surface.

“We'd better pull some grenades,” I suggested. “There could be an ambush waiting for us, and we'll need to get out of this death box and to some cover quickly.” Shepard and Wrex both followed my suggestion, but Liara had no grenades, so instead she prepared a tech mine to overload their weapons and buy us a few seconds longer to get to some kind of defensible point.

The elevator had to take us down several stories to reach its destination. Everything about Ilos screamed “orbital paranoia” to me: every building on the surface was stone, not metal which would have given away the fact that they were buildings instead of natural formations, and it appeared most everything was underground. This had to be a secret base for the Protheans.

 _Considering we haven't met any of them around, though, one has to wonder if their efforts were in vain. Was this place found once before?_ That didn't make sense to me; if Sovereign was a Reaper of over 50,000 years old, then he should still remember this place _and_ its location from the last time they culled spacefaring civilizations. Since Saren had to go through the same investigations we did, that told me that _Sovereign_ had never been here before, and the Protheans' covert design must have spared this world. Although, that much could also be determined from the fact that the Reapers hadn't smashed all the evidence of the Protheans into the dirt like they usually were fond of doing.

The elevator lurched as it came to a stop, and we readied our grenades. The door before us split into three pieces, the biggest triangle piece going up into the ceiling while sides retreated into their respective walls.

The opening revealed a large room with an extremely high vaunted ceiling. The whole place seemed big enough to have its own distinct atmosphere. At floor level, there was absolutely zero cover near the elevator: no protruding walls, no equipment, not even so much as a console. It looked like the facility had been designed purposefully this way. _Smart, but it screws us,_ I decided.

Fortunately, no hailstorm of bullets ended our lives. The immediate area was clear of geth. Shepard, Wrex, and I replaced the pins to our grenades and stowed them away. We pulled our weapons and left the elevator, Liara at rearguard.

 _That didn't make sense. The geth should have posted guards at the elevator. Even a small team could have killed us all, thanks to the defensive design of this room._ My confusion was dispelled moments later when a mass effect shield appeared before us, cutting us off from the rest of the security substation.

“Well, well,” Shepard spoke. “Looks like they were ready for us after all.”

Wrex harrumphed. “I think they're beginning to understand they can't take us on directly.”

Liara knelt down on one knee and put her weapon on the ground beside her. She began to type quickly on her omni-tool. The rest of us looked beyond the field for any signs of the geth moving into defensive position inside the large room. No contacts were visible yet.

“The shield blocking us is powered by a mass effect core that was recently brought online. I'm detecting wide fluctuations in the shield and in the core, which is about eighty meters away, to the south, and down slightly deeper, perhaps a story or two. One of my barrier overload tech mines should be able to take the barrier down and let us get through.”

“Do it,” Shepard ordered. “Let's hurry. The geth probably realize their shield is vulnerable, and if so, they're coming here to mow us down once we blow past their blockade. Time is against us.”

Liara quickly prepared the tech mine and fired it off her omni-tool at the shield. It connected and detonated, disabling the mass effect barriers of every suit of armor on this side of the blockade as well as the blockade itself. Alerts blared in our suits, but at least we ran past the geth's shield into the large room. There was a statue on a stone stage approximately waist-high. We scrambled for it, our only option for cover in the immediate future.

A door opened to the right just as we reached our destination. We all ducked behind it as bullets streamed from the doorway in our direction. There was one heavy geth design from the sound of its ponderous footfalls—something as big as a Juggernaut. There were lighter, hurried steps between its footfalls that told me we had at least two or three, and perhaps as many as five more human-sized opponents—probably typical geth foot soldiers.

Their bullets didn't let up. I scrambled to the right-side corner of the stone stage with my rocket assault rifle ready. My kinetic barriers were recharged and ready to defend me. I peeked less than half my body around the corner and lined up on a black geth sniper who was hanging back, waiting to surprise us. I drove it back inside the doorway with a few bursts of assault rifle fire.

In-between us and the doorway it came from was a far larger target than most I'd ever had the displeasure of meeting. It was a huge geth in full white armor that reminded me heavily of a geth shock trooper, only bigger.

The geth carried a massive assault rifle; it was much larger than even my rocket assault rifle. It didn't have a second, larger barrel for mini-rockets, but it appeared to be sinking its heat extremely effectively with its extra mass. The geth fired a steady stream of bullets without interruption.

“Geth Prime, sniper, nothing on the others!” I shouted at my squad while covering up to recharge my barriers. “Prime is moving to flank!”

Shepard responded, “Wrex, knock it off its feet. Liara, another tech mine for its shields, right now!”

Wrex popped up first, the biotic energy pooling around him in a thin purple cloud. He punched a fist towards the Prime, sending a powerful wave towards his target. The Prime dug one foot back behind it to absorb the force without falling over, and it temporarily let up on its fire as its aim was thrown off wildly.

Liara had her mine ready a heartbeat later and popped her head and omni-tool up over the stage just long enough to aim and fire. The tech mine attached itself to the Prime's breastplate and detonated, a white flash that worked to cut down on the Prime's impressive shielding. Shepard and I opened up with our assault rifles, the bullets still being deflected by what remained of its barriers.

I tossed a grenade at the Prime's feet before ducking down as the sniper reappeared in the doorway. The explosive launched the Geth Prime only a mere half meter in the air with its force, but it also drained more shield energy. The Geth Prime's fire was nonexistent now, as it was totally concerned with recovering its balance and getting back to its feet. Its allies were ready and firing, however, giving it the time to do so.

“Moving to flank, cover me!” I yelled. I tossed another grenade over the stone stage by memory in a bid to either hit the sniper or at least obscure its vision for a few moments. There were two geth foot soldiers in the squad besides the sniper and Geth Prime. Both were using pillars or consoles along the wall of the room for cover, and I decided I could do the same. As my grenade detonated, I got up and ran for the corner nearest my position. I got in behind a console which immediately began to be pelted with rounds and spark from the damage.

The Geth Prime stood back up to its full over-three-and-a-half-meters-tall stature and resumed moving to flank my team. I put my rifle up against the console and leaned just far enough to aim. One depression of my red button, and the weapon woke up in my hands. I anticipated its reaction, wrestling to keep it on target.

The distortion rocket flew out the barrel and slammed right into the Geth Prime's head, nearly missing it by shooting off overhead. The rocket's explosion drained the Prime's final joules of barrier energy, burned right through to its flashlight head, removing its head entirely. The Prime's body immediately crashed on its back as every limb went limp.

The remaining troopers sent their retaliation my way, forcing me to stay out of sight. Shepard and Wrex surprised the sniper when it exposed itself again, mowing its thin shields down before it could do much of anything. Liara suppressed one of the foot soldiers that was concentrating on me.

Suddenly gravity seemed to shift around me, and I felt myself being pulled _into_ the console I was hiding behind. The geth made some angry sounds and rifles from my squad's position fired long bursts. A few seconds later, the shots stopped as gravity returned to normal. I looked beyond the console's edge.

There were two more bodies on the ground now, looking like they'd been thrown around like rag dolls. I could see the waning light distortion of biotics. It must have been a powerful field to create a miniature gravity well that could pick up the geth and throw them around the room while Shepard and Wrex finished them off. I was amazed. I looked towards my squad and saw Liara's waning biotic field around hugging her body. _Never seen her do_ that _before. I had no idea she was such a powerful biotic; Shepard should have brought her along on more of our missions._

“Clear,” Shepard called out.

Liara added, “We should proceed through that doorway they came through and up the stairs. We'll find the substation one story up.”

“Wrex, take point. Williams, rearguard. Move out!” The four of us quickly retraced the geth's steps. Inside the doorway was a thin staircase leading up to the security substation itself, which overlooked the big room, its statue, and the stage. Liara linked her omni-tool up to one console and began to disable all security systems.

She reported, “Commander, I've disabled all further security measures that Saren might try to use to stop us. We have a straight shot from the mako's position to him and to the Conduit. Motion sensors indicate he's approximately four minutes ahead of us currently, moving slow. He's on foot.”

“Let's catch up then,” Shepard smirked. “I can't wait to say 'hi.'”

“Wait a second, I've found something else, Commander,” Liara advised. Suddenly a recording began to play out of a damaged VI interface. The hologram was distorted, blinking in and out in a random pattern with holographic visual “noise” further obscuring its interface. It was obviously not working the way it was supposed to work.

An alien tongue began to pour over the speakers, confusing me instantly. I couldn't make out any words, but I was most surprised at how the voice sounded almost human. There didn't seem to be any recognizable repetition yet, so the message was fairly long from start to finish.

“Looks like a VI and sounds like some kind of message, but I don't recognize the language,” Wrex suggested.

I nodded. “Me either. It must be in Prothean. This recording is 50,000 years old!”

Shepard and Liara each regarded us a moment, surprised. “It's in English,” Shepard told me.

Liara disagreed, “Actually, I hear Thessian.”

“What, it's speaking two languages at once?” I asked, bewildered.

Shepard shook his head. “No, but the message is all broken up. It's a warning against the Reaper invasion.”

“Incredible!” Liara exclaimed. “The Cipher must have transferred an understanding of the Prothean language into our own mother tongues.”

“Can you make out anything useful?” Wrex questioned.

Liara and Shepard both concentrated on the words for a few moments. Shepard finally explained, “It said something about the Conduit, but it's too degraded to help. We should go.”

Wrex took point, and we worked our way back to the surface, then to the mako, without coming across any more geth. The three-part door was retracted by the time we arrived, and Shepard drove us in. Liara and Wrex took passenger seats, while I sat at gunnery. Shepard gunned the mako, pushing it forward at its best speed.

We drove into a mountain. Our path had standing water in it and looked to be channeling the water in the same direction we were traveling. It was like an oversized alley with a high-vaulted ceiling a cathedral could have been impressed by, and at least twenty meters from wall to wall. We followed the corridor for a kilometer or so.

We came across some geth rocket troopers and other foot soldiers who'd set up a small ambush to delay us. I quickly opened up with the mako's cannon and anti-infantry machine gun. The geth were outmatched and died quickly, delaying us only a minute or so as we raced after Saren. The corridor bent a few times, but there was no indication we were anywhere near the end yet.

I looked ahead and noticed something purple-pink ahead, going from floor to ceiling and wall to wall. Then another appeared, nearer to our position. “Commander, kinetic barriers are coming online, dead ahead!”

Shepard swore. “Dammit! Shoot it with the cannon, Chief. Try to overwhelm it.”

Before I'd even taken my first shot, another shield appeared only meters ahead of us. I immediately let up on the trigger so I wouldn't end up damaging the mako with its own cannon's splash damage. Shepard yanked the wheel and brought the mako to a stop right next to the shield, only a meter or so short of running into it. Another shield appeared online behind us, thereby forming a box that effectively pinned us in place.

“Liara, what's going on? I thought you disabled all the countermeasures?”

“I don't know, Commander. I did!”

“Way too many shields to shoot our way past all of them. Wrex, open the hatch.” I ordered. “I see a door on that wall. Maybe we can get around the shields by seeing where that door goes.”

Wrex opened it up and got out. Liara followed him, and then Shepard and I made our way out of the mako. I lead the way to the door I'd seen. It was the same design as all the Prothean doors, and its size was meant only for people as opposed to vehicles.

The door revealed another elevator. “Oh great,” I drawled. “I was just thinking about how I hadn't gambled my life with a 50,000 year old elevator in a while.”

Wrex smirked. Shepard said simply, “Yeah, yeah, move it or lose it, Chief.” The door closed behind us and took us down several stories. When the door opened, we were greeted with an amazing sight. The corridor was just as large as the one we'd been driving the mako through, only it was lined with pods of some kind, disrupting the smoothness of the wall itself. There were rows upon rows of them, from the bottom all the way up to the top. Although there was no end in sight, there were easily hundreds of pods that I _could_ see.

“What is this?” I asked rhetorically. The only thing near where we emerged, however, was another broken VI interface set into a platform. We walked up to it, and it began to speak English, causing me to shoot a concerned look to Wrex.

“You are not Prothean.” Instantly I was reminded of Sovereign's first words to Shepard, that he was not Saren. The similarity was worrying. “But you are not machine, either. This eventuality was one of many that was anticipated. This is why we sent our warning through the beacons.”

“Another VI program—pretty banged up,” Wrex noted.

“And he's two for two,” I remarked dryly. I was pretty sure we all knew what we were seeing. This VI, same as the last, was so screwed up its holographic interface didn't look like anything recognizable at all; just random distortions.

“I do not sense of the taint of indoctrination upon any of you, unlike the other who passed recently. Perhaps there is still hope.”

“How come I can understand you this time?” I asked, confused. “Aren't you supposed to speak Prothean?”

“I have been monitoring your communications since you arrived at this facility. I have translated my output into a format you will comprehend. My name is Vigil. You are safe here for the moment, but that is likely to change. Soon, no where will be safe.”

“Why did you bring me here?” Shepard demanded.

“You must break a cycle that has continued for millions of years. To stop it, you must understand, or you will make the same mistakes we did. The Citadel is the heart of your civilization, and the seat of government, as it was with us, and as it has been with every civilization that came before us.

“But the Citadel is a trap. It is actually an enormous Mass Relay, one that links to Dark Space, the empty void beyond the galaxy's horizon. When the Citadel Relay is activated, the Reapers will pour through, and all you know will be destroyed.”

Shepard put my horror to words. “If he activates the Relay, the Reapers can wipe out the Council and the Citadel fleet in one fell swoop!”

Vigil confirmed it. “That was our fate. Our leaders were dead before we even realized we were under attack. The Reapers seized control of the Citadel, and through it, the Mass Relays. Communication and transportation across our empire were crippled. Each star system was isolated, cut off from the others. Easy prey for the Reaper fleets. Over the next decades, the Reapers systematically obliterated our people. World by world, system by system. They methodically wiped us out.”

“Some of you must have managed to survive,” I argued. I was worried Vigil might disagree, but I wanted to believe my words so badly.

“From the Citadel, the Reapers had access to all our records, maps, and census data. Information is power, and they knew everything about us. Their fleets advanced over every settled region of the galaxy. Some worlds were utterly destroyed; others were conquered, and their populations enslaved. These indoctrinated servants became sleeper agents under Reaper control. Taken in as refugees by other Protheans, they betrayed them to the machines.

“Within a few centuries, the Reapers had killed or enslaved every Prothean in the galaxy. They were relentless, brutal, and absolutely thorough.”

“You said you brought me here for a reason. Tell me what I need to do,” Shepard requested.

“The Conduit is the key. Before the Reapers attacked, we Protheans were on the cusp of unlocking the secrets behind Mass Relay technology. Ilos was a top-secret facility. Here, researchers worked to create a small-scale version of a Mass Relay—one that would link directly to the Citadel, the hub of the Relay network.”

 _All this time I thought it was a weapon or something, but I was all wrong!_ “The Conduit isn't a weapon, it's a back door onto the Citadel!” I exclaimed.

“How did your facility manage to stay hidden?” Shepard questioned.

“All official records of our project were destroyed with the initial attack on the Citadel. While the Prothean Empire came crashing down, Ilos was spared. We severed all communication with the outside, and our facility went dark. The personnel retreated underground into these archives. To conserve resources, everyone was placed into cryogenic stasis. I was programmed to monitor the facility and wake the staff when the danger had passed. However, the genocide of an entire species is a long, slow process. Years passed—decades—centuries. The Reapers persisted, and my energy reserves were dwindling.”

Shepard continued his interrogation. “How did you survive?”

“I began to disable the life support of non-essential personnel. First support staff, then security. One by one their pods were shut down to conserve energy. Eventually only the stasis pods of the top scientists remained operational. Even these were in danger of failing when the Reapers finally retreated back through the Citadel Relay.

“This problem was not entirely unforeseen. My actions were the result of contingency programming entered upon my creation.”

“I bet they didn't tell the nonessential staff about this contingency,” Wrex remarked. I grimly agreed with a nod.

Vigil was quick to defend his actions. “I saved key personnel. When the Reapers retreated, the top researchers were still alive. My actions are the only reason any hope remains. When the researchers awoke, they realized the Prothean species was doomed. There were only a dozen individuals left; far too few to sustain a viable population. Yet they vowed to find some way to stop the Reapers from returning. A way to stop the cycle forever. And they knew the Keepers were the key.”

“Keepers?” I asked. “They survived the extinction and run the Citadel. Doesn't that mean they're under the influence of the Reapers?”

“The Keepers are controlled by the Citadel. Before each invasion, a signal is sent through the station compelling the Keepers to activate the Citadel Relay. After decades of feverish study, the scientists discovered a way to alter this signal. Using the Conduit, they gained access to the Citadel and made the modifications. This time, when Sovereign sent the signal through the Citadel, the Keepers ignored it. The Reapers are trapped in Dark Space.”

“Saren can use the Conduit to bypass all the Citadel's external defenses,” I pointed out.

“Correct,” Vigil confirmed, “and once inside, he can transfer control of the station to Sovereign. Sovereign will override the Citadel's systems and manually open the Relay. And the cycle of extinction will begin again.”

“I'll stop Saren,” Shepard promised, “just tell me how.”

“There's a data file in my console. Take a copy when you go. When you reach the Citadel's master control unit, upload it to the station. It will corrupt the Citadel's security protocols and give you temporary control over the station. It might give you a chance against Sovereign.”

“Where's the Citadel's master control unit?” I asked.

“I've never heard of it,” Liara spoke up.

“Neither have I,” Wrex added.

Vigil explained simply, “Through the Conduit. Follow Saren. He will lead you to your destination.”

“Saren's got enough of a head start,” Shepard decided. “Grab that data file and let's go.”

Vigil interrupted, “The one you call Saren hasn't reached the Conduit. Not yet. There is still hope if you hurry.”

Our squad quickly retraced our steps to the elevator and then to the mako. The shields that had stopped us were taken down by Vigil, so we immediately set off, pursuing Saren through the mountain to the other side where the rock ceiling gave way to a sunny sky. There were still high walls pinning us in, and still only one direction to go.

The mako raced past a geth squad that was hunkered in where the canyon took a sharp turn to the left. Seven rocket troopers opened up with their weapons and bombarded the mako's barriers, which started to fall rapidly to the onslaught. Commander Shepard pushed the mako forward through the explosions and passed by them, continuing further. Wrex aimed the cannon back at them and set a few parting attacks back at them to return the favor. We got out of their engagement range quickly, continuing deeper into the canyon.

As we topped a hill, the canyon before us descended gradually down to a small basin. Set in this basin was only one structure, the Conduit, with its central core lit up and powered. Everyone's eyes were riveted to the sight of the Mass Relay. It looked exactly like the hulking versions in space, from the tuning fork end pointed into the sky down to the perfect circular rings that spun about the blue core. I was amazed at the sight. To think the Protheans, right at their end, were capable of producing something like this was incredible. _If only there'd been time to ask Vigil how they did it..._

Shepard red-lined the mako's motor, driving it to top speed down toward the basin. As we approached, four geth Colossi appeared from hiding to ambush us during our approach. Plasma sailed towards us, and we couldn't avoid any of it. Our maneuvering was limited, and we needed to reach the Conduit. There was only one choice, and that was to keep going.

The mako rocked violently at the simultaneous impacts of the plasma weaponry. Wrex returned fire on the Colossus which offered him the best shot, but it was ultimately futile. We'd never be able to defeat four armored units with our one; not when they attacked all at once. The question was would we make it to the Conduit or die trying.

Liara hailed the Mass Relay before us and began assembling information on transit mass. The Relay crackled with renewed life as it began preparing to sling us out of the canyon and back to the Citadel. “The Conduit's approach vector is that ramp located directly before it,” Liara informed Shepard. “It's hot and waiting for us. We've got to aim for the central core for the Conduit to pick us up.”

The mako lurched again as another volley of plasma splashed across our barriers. Wrex continued to fire back. I looked to the controls near him and my mouth went dry. Our barriers were down to four percent. Even one more shot would be enough to overwhelm what little defenses remained, and there would be four times that much destructive force headed for us in a scant few seconds.

“Hang on,” Shepard warned us as the mako jumped off a ten-meter-high ledge and down into the basin. I tried to do just that, but found myself jostled beyond my control and thrust against my seat's restraints. It took a moment for my surroundings to come back into full focus. As things settled back down, a geth shot us in the right-rear quarter panel, shredding one of the mako's tires, and sending the back end out to our left. Shepard steered to correct for it as the mako proceeded on five tires and one rim. An overwhelmingly loud explosion made me cover my ears with my hands, although it was too late. Another plasma had struck us dead-center in the back, ripping into the armored vehicle and penetrating all the way to our compartment. I looked through what used to be a solid wall at the Colossus who'd hit us, and time seemed to drag to a stop as I stared right into its face. For one moment, I could swear I could see its malice in that blue eye above its plasma weapon.

The mako's nose lurched up and time sped up for me as the mako began to ascend the ramp. Shepard kept the petal to the floor, but the mako's mass effect core was damaged and its motors seemed on the brink of failure. We began to slow down from our hectic pace as we ascended. I saw another plasma heading straight for us, and this time with my own eyes, knowing full well the moment it reached us there was nothing left to stop it from killing me, and possibly everyone else further forward.

There was a sudden moment of weightlessness. I started to gasp at the surprising sensation, but was cut off midway through by a blinding light. Horrible sounds of rending metal and unfathomably powerful impacts tore painfully through my body before everything went dark and silent.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

 

I came crashing into a world of pain. My brain felt like it was still rattling back and forth from the front of my skull to its rear. My shoulders felt like something thin but heavy was pining it in place. Everything was dark; too dark to see.

I cried out, unable to stop myself. On top of the pain, there was a realization that my world was wrong. I knew something had happened that wasn't supposed to happen, but I didn't know what it was or how to fix it. At the moment, I was more concerned with the pain than whatever else was wrong.

My eyelids flickered open, and my vision cleared for me. Things began to resolve themselves into recognizable patterns. The red curve was the hump of Wrex's armor. It wasn't moving, but then, neither was I. Not yet. I couldn't handle anything changing or moving just yet.

There was a masculine groan from further up in the cockpit, from the driver's seat. As I realized it was Commander Shepard, my mind began to clear up from its muddled state rapidly. Finally, I knew what was wrong.

We were upside down; at least mostly. I was pulled by gravity against my restraints at an odd angle compared to the rest of the mako's cabin. I groaned myself as I tried to adjust my position so I could breathe easier without my own weight trying to suffocate me. It didn't get much better, but it was enough that I could take several deep breaths before allowing myself to hang limply against the restraints again.

“Shepard,” came a deep voice. “Shepard, wake up,” it insisted. Wrex was alive. I had the ability to realize this, but no energy to do much of anything just yet. “Williams, are you with us?”

I thought about answering, but it seemed like a lot of work that I'd rather not do. I really wanted to stay here, uncomfortable as it was, and rest up a little more. There was a click and then a thud as Wrex's heavy body landed on the roof. The krogan snarled with pain before righting himself. We looked each other in the eye as he crouched before me.

“It's rude to ignore a direct question,” Wrex admonished me. I wanted to laugh at the krogan teaching me manners, but there was simply no energy and no air to do it. I think my breathing pattern might have changed in response, but that was about it. It was hard to keep track of much of anything.

Wrex worked his way around his gunnery station controls to get to the back end of the mako where I was strapped in. He tried to work my buckle, but he couldn't get his large fingers to operate the release while simultaneously being ready to catch me as I fell. “Help me out, Williams,” Wrex requested. “Release the restraints, and I'll catch you.”

I groaned in response and moved my feeble, shaking left hand over to the restraint. I felt around for the release button, and before I'd even realized I'd found it, I was in the krogan's arms and being lowered to the ceiling myself.

I coughed from something that smelled particularly pungent. As Wrex moved slightly away to give us some breathing room, I realized it was coming from him. I looked towards him and saw orange blood surrounding him and where he'd fallen at first.

There was a nasty-looking, several-inch-long spike coming from the roof. It hadn't been there before this crash, or attack, or whatever had happened. As I was feeling a little more up to it, I asked, “What about yourself—the others?”

“I'll check,” Wrex told me, and he turned around slowly in the cramped space available to us. I saw his wound on his back as he did so. It looked nasty, and the wrong colored blood just served as further reinforcement that this was very bad.

I looked around and spotted my medical supplies. I quickly pulled out some medi-gel, and then worked my way to follow Wrex. He had stopped between his station and the front two, where driver and passenger were still strapped in and quiet. “Hold still, you've got a bad one here,” I warned him. Moments later, I applied the medi-gel to his wound, sealing it up, preventing infection.

I stepped carefully around Wrex's ceiling spike adorned with his blood so he'd have room to do whatever he needed to do for the other two. I heard more groans and protests as Shepard returned to the land of the living. I decided to make myself useful and find a way out of here. Although I could see out the back through the hole the geth blasted in our tank, it was too small, sharp, and jagged for use as a way out. Instead, I opened the side door and was greeted by the sight of a whitish-gray metal—the floor of whatever it was the mako was lying on.

I ducked back inside long enough to grab my weapons and all medical supplies, both those belonging to myself, and those normally stored inside the mako itself. I basically fell out onto the floor in a heap, and then slid away on my back. I checked my surroundings thoroughly, scanning for ambush, but there was nothing to greet us but some distant fires and an eerie calm. While I covered our mako's wreck, Wrex emerged about five minutes later with Shepard. The Commander had a gash along his forehead that looked to be bleeding everywhere. I pulled myself up to where he sat and treated him. He winced, but relaxed as the medi-gel's anesthetic qualities relieved his pain. Although perfectly treatable even in our current situation, I could tell it was bad enough that there was a good chance it would scar.

About that time, Wrex emerged again, pulling Liara out. He laid her out beside the Commander and I. I checked her over, but she seemed intact. There was a small cut on her head which I treated, but underneath and around that cut was swelling. She'd hit that part of her forehead against something hard—perhaps the dashboard.

She took another minute or two to wake up. I breathed a sigh of relief as she became animated. It wasn't until that burden was lifted that I truly began to place my surroundings as I should. We were on the Presidium of the Citadel. The mako was trashed, resting partially on its roof and one side. Two wheels were laying against the mako's undercarriage at odd angles, their axles completely broken. The thing looked worse than we did. I found it somewhat hard to believe it had ever moved in its life when it looked like this now.

The Presidium was abandoned, a first ever for me to observe. Every visit before, the Citadel had the life of a city that never sleeps. Now, it was as desolate as a ghost town. The perpetual sun had even partially abandoned the area. The remaining dull light overhead cast everything in a shadowy, if discernible, light. There was an alarm blaring at regular intervals somewhere in the distance.

Behind the mako was the Relay statue. Unlike when I'd seen it before, its circular rings now moved with purpose, and it appeared operational. Obviously it had been—it was the only thing around here that made sense to be the receiver for the Conduit. All this time, no one had known the Relay statue to be anything more than a monument to the pinnacle of Prothean invention. Even the Keepers, under the control of the Citadel, ignored it as meaningless.

I could see fires in all directions on the Presidium. I looked up at the sky where the smoke was collecting and realized that the fires were at least partially responsible for filtering the light reaching the Presidium.

Shepard led us up to an Avina terminal, a holographic VI interface meant mostly for directing tourists and informing them of the history of the Citadel. The holographic asari model was moving in unpredictable jumps from one pose to another—sometimes appearing to face the wrong way away from us and sometimes looking us in the eyes.

The Commander gathered a quick sitrep from the simple program. The Citadel Council had successfully evacuated to the _Destiny Ascension._ Hopefully the largest dreadnought in Citadel space—next to _Sovereign,_ of course—would keep them safe. C-Sec had declared a state of emergency throughout the Citadel, but the invaders had appeared in the middle of the Presidium itself, and it was impossible to stall their advance when C-Sec had been confronted with an army already inside the station.

C-Sec had always struck me as more of a military force than a police one, and hopefully that superior training would prove essential today. However, even I had to admit that this was a hard fight. The geth had gone from here throughout the station, engaging everyone in their way and overwhelming C-Sec. The battle for supremacy over the Citadel was going on throughout the mammoth station, and there was no telling what its outcome would be.

 _Don't concern yourself with that. You have more immediate problems._ Shepard learned that Saren was in the Council chambers at the top of the central tower. I quickly led the way to the elevator, as it was a long way up; at least several kilometers.

The elevator began to ascend, and I began to plan out my assault in my mind. Shepard did the same, but spoke aloud: “Wrex, Liara, I want you to push forward. The first few seconds are yours to biotically mangle as many of those damn geth as you can. Ashley and I will provide support until we're all safely in cover. We'll use the tiered floor to our advantage to shield our advance and give us the time we need to recharge barriers.”

Liara looked up and gasped, pointing above us at the scene beyond the glass ceiling of the elevator car. We all looked to where she pointed. First I noticed the tower we were traveling along, but beyond it, where there should have been empty space, there was the dull muted metal color of Sovereign's hull. It descended towards us on the tower. I could see explosions beyond it, outside the Citadel arms. Each muted explosion was a weapon connecting with a ship. The geth fleet was here, engaging the Citadel fleet, giving Sovereign the time it needed to penetrate and reach us at the tower. If it knew we were here, one simple GARDIAN laser could remove all traces of us along the side of the tower.

Sovereign closed on us, and I was the first to point out something else disturbing—the Citadel's massive arms, comprising most of the housing for the station and known collectively as the Wards, were closing. Within minutes, the arms closed in on us, separating the Citadel fleet from everyone inside. Our allies couldn't engage Sovereign without opening those arms; the Citadel was in its impregnable defensive mode now. Until we opened it ourselves, there was no hope of the mission's success.

 _We're all that stands in that Reaper's way. In Saren's way._ The realization was deeply disturbing, and I was quite sure the four of us weren't enough to accomplish our objectives. Suddenly the elevator lurched to a stop. I glanced at the distance it had yet to cover. Shepard did too, his brow contorting with anger. “Saren's shut down the elevator. Suit up, we're going outside.”

“Wrex's suit is compromised,” I informed Shepard. “One minute, I'll seal it.” Wrex patiently turned his back and waited for me to work. I had to use medical tape to get a good seal that could stand up to the air pressure difference between the inside of his suit and the vacuum beyond it. I nodded to the Commander as I finished. “It's as good as it'll ever be. We shouldn't stay out there long. The faster we get back inside, the better. Wrex, try not to flex that area of your suit.”

“It'll hold until we make it back inside,” Wrex told us. “Don't worry about me.”

“Okay,” Shepard agreed. “No wasting any time here. Activate magnetics and let's move out.” We complied, engaging full-seal helmets and magnetic boots. He pulled his pistol and aimed at the outside glass wall. We each took cover against other walls, presenting as little a profile as possible, and grabbed a firm hold of the safety railing. Shepard let out four shots along the top of the glass wall and the air immediately began to leave the elevator in a rush.

Once the air was mostly gone, Shepard put his pistol away and pulled his assault rifle. Using several long bursts, he systematically destroyed the entire glass wall and sent shards of it flying out into space. We stepped carefully through the breech into the vacuum of space outside the tall spire. Walking along the exterior, we ascended up the tower's side.

Fortunately, we had only between a quarter and a half a kilometer to go on our own. As we progressed, a geth dropship intercepted our position. There was an ordinance storage room jutting out from the Citadel tower in-between us and the dropship. We picked up our pace as much as we dared to reach it and use it as cover.

I sheathed my rocket assault rifle and pulled out the sniper rifle. Pulling out my available ammo blocks, I reached for the tungsten rounds, knowing they would rip right through the geth's armor. However, as I sought it out, I noticed my high explosive block waiting for me. I gave it only a moment's thought before pulling the HEX block and sliding it into the rifle, cocking it to load the first round.

“This should be fun,” I predicted more to myself than anyone. I uncovered and aimed at the geth troops that had already landed. The dropship was apparently light on soldiers, because there were only two squads of five left behind. I aimed for the biggest geth I could see: a black-armored geth destroyer. More specifically, I aimed for the joint between the left leg and the torso and waited as it walked. When it stepped forward with its right leg, I shot immediately. The explosive bullet tore into the geth's leg, severing it from its body. For one crucial moment, it had nothing tethering it to the tower: one leg was severed clean, and the other was lifted up in the process of moving forward to facilitate walking. The timing, and the small explosive force of the bullet itself, was enough to send its still-functioning upper body clear of the tower and into space. It chirped out a surprised sound and continued to float away, quickly reaching ranges which made its assault weapon useless.

The others joined in, their weapons quickly forcing the geth shock troopers to deploy their stationary hexagonal shields and hide behind them. The geth were well-coordinated, creating a wall of energy that kept our fire from reaching any of them.

Shepard asked, “Didn't Tali say the geth get smarter in groups?”

I had also heard Tali say as much when she detailed everything she knew about the geth to us. I quickly realized where he was going with his question. “So what? We're only facing the largest geth force in recorded history...”

Shepard barked once as an answering laugh. “That's what I wanna hear. Williams, advance to that AA battery between our lines. See if you can get it online. We'll cover you.”

I nodded once, and Shepard gave the signal to the others to lay down covering fire. The volume of withering gunfire was impressive, causing many geth to retreat briefly behind their hexagonal shields and recharge their personal barriers. I ran immediately, sniper rifle still held in both arms. As much as possible, I kept the AA battery between myself and the geth, so any of them able to return fire would hopefully be unable to pick me off from their vantage point.

The maneuver worked. I reached the AA battery without taking a single hit and immediately began to pry open the cover hiding the exterior control panel. The cover came off and floated away when I let go, disappearing somewhere above and behind me. I opened my omni-tool and had it translate the controls, seeking the reason that the weapon was completely silent while a geth dropship hounded our position.

I could have screamed when my omni-tool reported the system was merely offline. By using the Conduit to board the Citadel, Saren and his geth had the perfect means for a surprise attack inside the station. Apparently, they'd overwhelmed the C-Sec forces between them and the station's defenses extremely quickly. There'd been no one left to activate the weapons from their central command center.

With a short input string provided by my helpful omni-tool, I brought the weapon to life. Now we stood a chance of fighting off the geth dropship that was still in the area and capable of suppressing us if not killing us outright with its weaponry. Our weapon had one large barrel to it, and it began to shift, tracking its target automatically. I felt the reverberations under my feet as a rocket shot out of the barrel. I could almost hear the clicks and clanks as it loaded the next round.

The rocket reached the dropship in less than three seconds, tearing at it with a disruption torpedo meant to destabilize its kinetic barriers. Another rocket rushed out along a similar trajectory, the weapon automatically changing the flight profiles as necessary to continue to hit its target.

“Williams, left flank!” I heard Wrex yell over the radio.

I whipped up my sniper rifle just as a geth shock trooper emerged around the corner of the weapon that was my only cover. I fired on pure reflex, leaning backwards away from the threat. The shot hit the geth square in the joint of its neck and torso, ripping its head off. The body went slack and it released its weapon.

Shepard gave me no opportunity to feel the relief for escaping death. “More coming up! We have to hold this spot; that weapon is the only way we'll take out the dropship! Williams, you must hold!”

In one fluid motion, I ejected the HEX ammo block from my sniper rifle and started my sniper rifle compacting into travel form. I slung it over my back until I felt the clips grab it. Then I pulled my shotgun and slammed that same HEX ammo block into it.

HEX ammo blocks didn't last as long as most other kinds of ammo blocks; they required that physically larger bullets be sheared off of them so their 'high explosive' namesake would be deserved. This was true twice-over for a HEX block inside a shotgun, where several pellets were sheared off in a single shot. I only hoped it would last long enough.

“Right flank!” Wrex called out.

I spun around to face the AA weapon's right flank and pulled the trigger even as the geth appeared around the corner. It hit me with several bullets from its assault rifle, draining most of my kinetic barriers. My single squeeze on the shotgun's trigger, however, sent a dozen tightly-packed pellets right into its chest. The force and range worked entirely in my favor, overwhelming its kinetic barriers and exploding right against its chest. I felt the backlash of half of the explosion push against me, draining a bit more of my precious barrier energy. The geth's chest simply disappeared, and the rest of it was thrown back so hard, it slammed into the ground that was the exterior wall of the Citadel tower and bounced away into space.

I covered up at the right flank and requested Shepard tell me exactly when to shoot so I wouldn't have to expose myself to incoming fire. Shepard did exactly that only a second later, calling out, “Now!”

I didn't even spin out of cover; at this range, doing so would be foolhardy and quickly deplete my ailing barriers. Instead, I simply held the shotgun out around the corner and squeezed the trigger. Without my body behind the shotgun to absorb the recoil, the weapon threatened to come lose from my grasp, and its own energy sent it back around the corner. I managed to hold onto it, however, and I heard Wrex shout with immense approval, “Got him!”

The rumbling under my feet disappeared, and I looked at the control panel, panicked. There was no problem immediately apparent there, so I spun around to look for the geth dropship. I glimpsed its burning hulk as it disappeared behind the horizon of the Citadel tower. I wasn't certain it was destroyed, but it was still a victory nonetheless. Without the geth dropship to help pin us in place, we could finally advance without getting mowed down.

 _First things first, finish off these geth that are threatening to flank your position._ The fight continued for only a few minutes, but they felt like years to me. After each shot of the shotgun, I was sure I was going to hear that my lack of aiming had caused me to miss or that the shotgun was out of ammo. In either scenario, I was dead within another three seconds.

It continued to work. We whittled their forces down to one geth, which I took by surprise as it reloaded and shot a huge hole into its pristine armored chest. Just then, my HUD reported the weapon's ammo block was depleted.

 _Thank you, Lord,_ I sent a small prayer up. It was a miracle it'd lasted as long as it had. I ejected the cored-out remains of the ammo block and sent it floating off into space. I switched back to the sniper rifle and loaded it with tungsten armor-piercing rounds. Our squad proceeded against moderate resistance of geth forces trying to keep us away from the Tower's top floor, but ultimately we prevailed. We reached an emergency hatch and used it to reenter the station. As soon as the airlock cycled and filled itself with air, we removed full-seal helmets and proceeded inside.

We only encountered two small squads of geth as we ascended the steps carefully, using their tiered construction to provide cover before proceeding up another flight of steps. Within a few minutes, we reached the very familiar top, where the Citadel Council held its meetings over galactic concerns. _And where Udina managed to screw us all for some political ground_ , I thought darkly.

As we rushed up to the steps, I noticed that Saren had found a hidden control platform on our side of the Council chambers. It had extended the walkway above the arboretum, allowing someone on the petitioner's side to get much closer to the Council's position, but still well short of reaching completely across the divide. The platform's panel was fully holographic, from input to output.

Saren jumped off the platform just as we ran up to confront him. I heard the whirr of his hoverboard's anti-gravity and called out, “Take cover!”

Liara and I ended up diving to the right while Wrex and Shepard went left. Saren popped up right where he'd jumped off and threw a grenade at our former position. I felt the heat from the explosion, but we were lucky I'd heard the hoverboard in time; no one was injured. Saren chuckled maniacally.

“I was afraid you wouldn't make it in time, Shepard,” he sneered. I expected him to press his advantage while we were separated, but Saren merely hovered above the control panel he'd accessed, keeping us at bay. _If we don't wrest access to that panel from Saren, he can wait however long it takes until Sovereign brings back the Reapers!_

From behind his cover, Shepard shouted back, “Let's end this!” _That's right, Commander. Provoke him into a fight. We can't just sit here all day, or we'll play right into his hand._

Saren taunted, “You've lost. You know that, don't you? In a few minutes Sovereign will have full control of all the Citadel's systems. The Relay will open; the Reapers will return.”

“I've still got a few tricks up my sleeve,” Shepard countered.

“You survived our encounter at Virmire,” Saren admitted, “but I've changed since then. Improved. Sovereign has—upgraded me.” _Hell, does that mean what I think it means?_

Shepard was aghast. “You let Sovereign implant you? Are you _insane?_ ”

Saren ignored the question. “I suppose I should thank you, Shepard. After Virmire, I couldn't stop thinking about what you said. About Sovereign manipulating me—about indoctrination. The doubts began to eat away at me. Sovereign sensed my hesitation. I was implanted to strengthen my resolve.”

I remembered trying in vain to punch past the kinetic barriers of Saren's hoverboard using my sniper rifle. This fight was equally lost if he stayed on it, holding us here until Sovereign activated the Relay. I looked around for another solution. Suddenly, I realized the answer lay in Shepard's distraction.

I pushed off the short wall that was my shared cover with Liara and crawled over-top her legs. Together we moved quietly until I was on the other side of her, further away from Saren and Shepard. I motioned for her to stay quiet and follow me. Shepard glimpsed me and I mouthed 'distract him' before turning to continue crawling my way along my cover.

Saren continued, “Now my doubts are gone. I believe in Sovereign completely. I understand that the Reapers need organics. Join us, and Sovereign will find a place for you, too.”

“I'd rather die than live a slave,” Shepard shot back.

Liara and I had almost reached the podiums where the Council members were supposed to stand for their meetings. Saren hadn't noticed us, continuing to talk with Shepard. “Then you will die, you and your _companions_.”

Liara and I hesitated, worried we were about to be ambushed, that he had known where we were all along. I took a deep breath as quietly as I could to calm myself down as Saren didn't appear before us, still talking in Shepard's direction. “Everyone you know and love. Everyone you've ever met. Don't you understand? You will _all_ die. The Reapers can't be stopped; not by the Protheans, and not by you. The cycle always continues.”

“The Reapers don't use organics, they devour and discard them! As soon as the conquest is over, you'll be cast aside!”

“I had no choice!” Saren shouted. “You saw the visions! You saw what happened to the Protheans! Surrender or death, there are no other options!”

“You could have resisted. You could have fought! Instead, you surrendered. You quit!”

Liara and I reached our goal. I was staring straight at Saren's backside as he faced where he thought we were all pinned down. He was easily too far away for me to jump onto the hoverboard with him. Thankfully, I was not alone. I opened my omni-tool, sending a short secure message to Liara's. She activated hers and read my plan.

Her eyes shot up to me, and her omni-tool disappeared. She opened her mouth to object, and I snapped one hand up to cover her mouth before she could make a sound. _Just do it, Liara! Do it,_ I silently pleaded her with my eyes.

I saw anguish in her eyes. I shook my head negatively, and she tried to school her features. I couldn't have been more proud of her professionalism in this dire situation as she succeeded.

“Maybe you're right. Maybe there's still a chance for—.” Saren was cut off by his own scream of pain. Liara and I looked at him and noticed he was bent half over in real physical pain. He still did not see us, however. “The implants. Sovereign is too strong. I'm sorry; it is too late for me.”

Shepard got up from behind his cover, but he didn't point a weapon at Saren, only an index finger. “There's still one way to stop this, if you've got the guts!” Noticing this, I realized this was my limited window of opportunity. I pulled my combat knife from my armor, holding it firmly in my right hand, and stood up to face Saren. I ran up to the asari Councilor's station, jumping on top of it, and then pushing off of it, preserving all the momentum I could.

I flew through the air, but I was well short of reaching Saren. Suddenly biotic energy encompassed me and lifted me. I sustained the altitude I needed and landed right behind Saren, slamming into him with my body.

Saren grunted with surprise and staggered forward, but remained on the hoverboard. I held on with one arm around his stomach. Before he could recover, I brought my knife along the front of his neck and pressed the blade against his throat. There was no escape for him now.

“One ticket to hell, courtesy of the Two-Twelve!” I growled into his ear. Then I savagely yanked the knife, feeling it tear into his flesh, remembering the incorporeal tear I'd felt in my own heart as my squad had been cut down.

Saren reached up with his hands to cover the gaping slice in his neck, trying to hold in the blood and failing. He gargled something unintelligible and dropped off the front of his hoverboard, crashing down onto the glass roof of the arboretum below us. The glass shattered from his impact, and he continued to fall to the arboretum's floor. A huge glass shard impaled him in the stomach.

The hoverboard grew instantly unstable beneath me. I jumped forward and landed on the platform with the Citadel's master console. The hoverboard crashed into a wall and also stopped at the arboretum's floor.

Shepard and Wrex rushed forward to my side, helping me to my feet. I noticed some of Saren's blood on my glove. My face twitched with anger. I wiped the knife on the side of my leg, then did the same for my glove. It helped, but didn't remove it entirely. I sheathed my blade as Shepard advanced to the master control console and opened his omni-tool.

“I didn't know you could fly,” Wrex remarked ruefully.

I smiled, looking behind me at Liara, who was beaming. “Well Wrex, when you have the right allies, anything's possible.”

Shepard turned around to face Wrex and I. “Vigil's data file worked. I've got control over all systems.”

“We've got to open the station's arms!” I implored him. “Maybe the fleet can take out Sovereign while he's immobilized on this tower.”

“We need to know what's going on out there. Open a communications channel,” Liara added as she walked the long way around to rejoin us.

Shepard used his omni-tool to access the appropriate commands. “My tool's going to need a few minutes to open the arms,” he told us, “but here's the communications channel.”

An asari's stressed voice called out over the channel, “—the _Destiny Ascension_. Main drives are offline. Kinetic barriers are down forty percent. The Council is on board, I repeat, the Council is on board!”

“ _Normandy_ to the Citadel, _Normandy_ to the Citadel. Tell me that's you, Commander,” Joker's worried voice cut in.

Shepard punched the air with one fist in victory. “Yes! I'm here, Joker,” he answered as he restored his decorum.

“We caught that distress call, Commander. I'm sitting here in the Anduras sector with the entire Arcturus fleet. We can save the _Ascension_ , just unlock the Relays around the Citadel, and we'll send the cavalry in.”

Wrex scoffed. “You'd sacrifice human lives to save the Council? What have they ever done for your kind?”

Liara came up to my side, having worked her way back around to where we were grouped. “This is bigger than humanity,” she implored. “Sovereign is a threat to every organic species in the galaxy.”

“That's why you can't throw away reinforcements trying to save the Council. Hold them back until the arms open, and they can go after Sovereign at full strength.”

“What's the order, Commander?” Executive Officer Pressley's voice cut in.

Shepard looked straight at me. “Well, Chief? Everybody else here has weighed in.”

I gulped. “Commander, that ship has the largest mass accelerator cannon amongst all the Citadel races. If we let her die, there's no guarantee we'll have enough firepower without her to do anything to Sovereign. You've seen that damned hoverboard of Saren's. If Sovereign can do that on the scale of people, imagine what the Reaper can do when you scale it up to a two-kilometer long dreadnought.”

Shepard nodded. “An actual military analysis. Exactly what's important here.” He unmuted his channel. “Opening the Relays now, Commander. We need to save the _Ascension_ , no matter what the cost.”

“I hope the Council appreciates this,” Wrex groused. _Me too,_ I thought morosely to myself.

On the master control console, I watched as the Relays were activated, and a fleet of ships began to appear at them. It was a beautiful sight watching all the allied icons appear on the strategic scan of the nebula. The geth forces around the _Destiny Ascension_ began to disappear quickly as the Arcturus fleet took them by surprise.

It took only seconds for the geth to redirect their fire, and Alliance ships began to disappear from the map. Tens, even hundreds of lives were being wiped out at a time, and it was very likely I didn't even know half the casualties. I felt a lump form in my throat, but I repeated over and over to myself that their sacrifice was necessary. Suddenly the floor beneath me shook, and Shepard's omni-tool demanded his attention. He informed us, “The arms have begun to open!”

Sure enough, as I looked out the transparent roof of the Council chambers, the Ward arms began to separate like a flower blossoming with the arrival of the daylight. The rumblings continued for a few minutes as the massive arms moved into place. I began to see the streaking lights that were starships' thrusters burning as the huge fleets moved and counter-moved in tight combat.

Joker's voice came over the comm, “ _Destiny Ascension,_ you are all clear, repeat, all clear!”

Admiral Hackett's voice arrived next. I was surprised to hear it, unaware that he was in the fleet. I surmised he was likely participating on one of humanity's dreadnoughts. “The Citadel's opening. All ships, move in. Concentrate on Sovereign.”

Shepard closed his microphone again. He looked over the edge at Saren's body, then looked over his shoulder at the three of us. “Make sure he's dead.”

I nodded and let Liara lead the two of us down to the arboretum level. Wrex pulled his pistol and fired two shots into Saren's head. I grimaced at the sound it made as it went through brain and bone.

I used my radio to contact the Commander. “He's dead,” I assured him.

Suddenly, the floor began to shake anew, far more fiercely than it had when the arms had opened. I heard electricity arcing between two points that I couldn't see. It happened again and again, with increasing frequency.

“Shepard, what's going on?” I demanded.

“I don't know,” the Spectre answered. “Everyone stay where you are!”

I saw an arc of electricity jump from a wall towards Saren's body. “Down!” I yelled as I dove to the ground. The arcs were red, but otherwise they looked and acted like electricity that was being drawn to Saren's body for some unknown reason. Their number and frequency continued to build.

With a deafening screech of twisting metal, the master control console's platform sheared partially away from the petitioner's platform. I saw Shepard slide down it all the way to the arboretum floor with us. He landed on the ground a few meters from me. I looked around, verifying that Liara and Wrex were unharmed.

The electricity and the rumblings came to a sudden halt. Saren's body was stripped of all flesh; all that remained were the implants. It looked like some kind of robotic exoskeleton, complete with a metal skull and red glowing eyes. It still looked faintly like Saren in its construction since it'd been inside his body, but that was where the similarities ended. I gaped as it became animated, stood up, and faced us.

It had an artificial, inhuman voice. “I am Sovereign, and this station is mine!”

It jumped like a frog, extremely powerful and agile. It was so fast I was barely able to follow it with my eyes. When Sovereign latched itself to a wall somehow, I knew we were in for a tough fight. It was much more maneuverable than any of us, and the arboretum offered little cover, as most of the plants here were very short and small. Not to mention, they definitely wouldn't stop incoming fire.

The four of us got to our feet only to dive back to the ground as Sovereign fired a high-powered burst of red energy from its chest. The burst hit the ground and made it shudder, leaving a sizable crater. I scrambled to my feet along with the others to avoid being a sitting target for Sovereign's destructive weapon.

I pulled my rocket assault rifle and began spraying bullets back at Sovereign. It had impressive kinetic barriers which kept my bullets at bay. I ducked to my right as another burst was sent my direction. I saw Wrex, Shepard, and Liara all up and firing as well, but Sovereign didn't seem to even notice our efforts to damage it.

Wrex biotically shoved Sovereign just as it jumped towards another wall, throwing off the metallic abomination's landing. As it attempted to recover, Liara launched a tech mine at it, overloading and stripping a good portion of its kinetic barriers. Shepard and I pounded it before it could recover and leap away.

I primed a grenade and tried to guess where it was going before it finished jumping there. I threw it, but Sovereign seemed hyper-aware. He caught it with one hand and threw it back at me. It detonated in-between us, draining my barriers and throwing me to the ground. I grunted with the hard impact and tried to use my momentum to roll away. An explosion ripped away dirt just to the left of where I'd landed only fractions of a second ago and thrust me up into the air for one sickening moment.

I hit something hard—the wall, I realized belatedly—and slumped to the ground with my back to the arboretum. I fought to stay conscious. Behind me, I heard continued gunfire and yells as Shepard and the rest attempted to distract Sovereign. I moved an arm beneath me, using it to crawl away from where I was, hoping that would be enough.

It wasn't, and fear shot through me as something grabbed me by the foot and jerked me. I had no time to orient myself before I was spinning through the air once again, tossed like a rag doll. Biotic energy encompassed me, slowing my motion gradually enough that I wouldn't be crushed against the far wall. I got to my feet with Liara's help. She never took her eyes off the enemy to look down at me, trying to shoot it one-handed.

I looked around for my weapon but couldn't find it, so I grabbed my shotgun, slamming my backup tungsten ammo block inside it. _If the bastard likes to get close, let him get close!_ I thought as I returned to the fight.

Sovereign switched targets, trying to end Liara before her biotics could catch it at an inopportune moment. With the lightest armor of anyone present, I knew it stood a better chance of killing her before any of us could do anything about it. I tried to cover her as best I could, but Sovereign had us outmatched, and that made it non-suppressible. Liara tried to stay away and in constant random motion, and that was the only thing that actually kept her alive.

I pulled my final grenade with one hand, anticipating that Sovereign was about to jump past me to close in on Liara again. As he jumped, I jumped too. We collided mid-air, and its unforgiving metal exoskeleton caused my right arm instant excruciating pain. I lost track of the shotgun I'd been holding in my right hand, but the grenade in my left attached to Sovereign's ribcage. I landed in a heap, crying out involuntarily from the sharp pain.

The grenade drowned out my cries in a loud explosion. I forced my eyes open long enough to see that Sovereign was on fire from the napalm released by the thermal grenade. It was jumping erratically, attempting to avoid getting tagged by anything else until it could recover. It clawed at the napalm, but it wouldn't come off. It was like a paste of burning fire that covered a good portion of Sovereign's front torso.

Sovereign's weapon was not affected, however, as he released another burst of red energy directly at me. Wrex dove in-between me and the burst and was thrown clear past me by it. I pushed myself up with my only good arm and struggled away before Sovereign could fire again. Glancing about wildly, I caught a glimpse of Wrex, slumped against a wall, unmoving, but his chest was smoking from the hit he'd taken for me. I had no idea what condition he was in; his armor had stopped sending any information to my HUD whatsoever. I feared the worst, knowing what that usually meant.

Sovereign turned on Shepard next, managing to get close enough to kick out one of Shepard's legs and drive him to his knees. Sovereign attached itself to the wall behind Shepard, preparing to fire a burst right into the Spectre's back.

I spied my rocket assault rifle lying on the ground and grabbed for it with my good hand. I collapsed to the ground with it and nestled it in-between my legs. I pressed the rocket button, and it shuddered to life. Thanks to my legs' grip, I was able to keep it on target.

The final rocket it held within streamed out the barrel with a screech. It flew through the air right above Shepard's head, who attempted to move out of the way far too late for it to have mattered. Just as Sovereign was about to fire, the rocket hit it square in the chest.

The explosion was far larger than the rocket would have been if it'd detonated by itself. The shock wave threw Shepard, Liara, and myself across the arboretum. Thankfully, we had been close to the ground already.

Pain from my jostled right arm accosted me immediately, and I had to close my eyes as I cried out. Some time later, I finally managed to open my eyes again. The wall had a huge gaping hole right where the robotic abomination had been. I spied little pieces of metal implants, some of which were still covered with napalm and on fire.

I noticed the explosion had spread the napalm everywhere, and the entire arboretum would soon be covered in flames as the fire spread through the plants. I coughed and got up to my feet. I found Shepard reviving Liara and helping her to her feet. I ran to Wrex to do the same.

“Wrex!” I shouted into his face. “Wrex, get up! We've got to move!”

Wrex stirred, but the eyes he fixed on me looked faraway and distracted. _Dammit Wrex, now is not the time to be out of it!_ I slapped him against the side of his face as hard as I could with my good arm. “Snap out of it, Wrex!” I yelled.

He seemed to wake up at this and stood using the wall behind him for support. I maneuvered to get him on my good side, and together we stumbled out of the arboretum before the fire could cut off our exit.

Once the four of us were back in the Council Chambers, we collapsed against anything that was handy for a backrest. Wrex's armor had a hole the size of both my fists in the front torso, but thankfully his natural krogan toughness was buying him time. Liara and Shepard were exhausted, but had only minor injuries. My arm was causing me immense pain, so I sloughed off my med pack and withdrew two shots of morphine. I gave one to myself, and then the other to Wrex. We rested side-by-side, leaning against each other and the wall behind us for support.

Shepard routed his feed of the Alliance's battle channel over our radios. I heard Joker's voice cut in, “Its shields are down, now's our chance! Hard on my flank, we're going in!” I looked out a window and could see Sovereign coming free of the Citadel Tower. Every ship still in one piece was opening up on Sovereign with everything they had. Sovereign's hulk had gone strangely dim and lifeless. A blue streak from the _Destiny Ascension's_ MAC struck Sovereign amidships and tore a huge gash into the massive starship. Sovereign ripped apart and exploded less than a second later as its fuel reserves caught alight. The stars disappeared with the nova of the explosion, drowning out everything and forcing me to look away.

Only seconds later, Shepard yelled out, “Everyone up! To the elevator! Go!”

Wrex and I struggled to our feet, following some distance behind Liara and Shepard as they retreated towards the stairs that led down the Citadel Tower. I glanced up and saw what had caused Shepard to panic. A huge section of one of Sovereign's legs was coming straight for us and was seconds away from crashing into the Tower.

I stumbled and fell, taking Wrex down to one knee with me. We tried to get back up, but everything shook as a terrifying crash sounded from above. Metal beams ripped in half and crashed all around us. I watched with horror as thousands of kilograms of debris fell between myself and Liara. Wrex and I both hit the deck.

_We're too late!_


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

 

I didn't open my eyes again until the deafening screeches of tearing metal stopped. Distantly, I could barely make out the Citadel alarms blaring in their steady rhythm about the danger, for all the good it did. _I'm glad I can even still hear anything after that... The persistent ringing's annoying though._ I hit Wrex on the shoulder, and he stirred immediately, turning to look around us before looking at me.

“Williams?” he asked, concerned.

I was perplexed. With all the damage surrounding us, the scene looked utterly alien. I wasn't even sure where in the Tower we were anymore. Nothing looked the same. _What direction was the emergency hatch or the elevator and its emergency ladder?_ All around us, fires continued to feed on the oxygen. The gathering smoke hadn't reached all the way down to our level yet, thankfully. “I'm fine. Where are the others?” My HUD was completely inactive and unresponsive, so I got on my radio. “Shepard, Liara, please respond.”

There was no response for several seconds. I began to get a bad feeling, and my heartbeat picked up. “Shepard, Liara, respond!”

I forced myself to stand up. We were untouched in the middle of a thick circle of debris roughly eight meters high. I couldn't see any way through it, and much of it looked so menacingly sharp that I didn't want to try climbing over it either.

I looked up and saw the ceiling was gone. An atmospheric kinetic barrier helped keep the Tower pressurized, but with the critical damage to this area, its reliability was questionable. With the lack of fire suppression, we'd eventually have to switch to suit oxygen anyway. Wrex got to his feet alongside me.

“Shepard!” Wrex ground out with his gravelly voice, using his own radio. There was no answer.

“We've got to find them,” I told Wrex. “They've got to be here. They might be trapped.” I glanced around briefly until I was reasonably sure in what direction they'd been. “I think they're over here.”

Desperation was nipping at my heels as I ran up to the debris wall and ripped away some smaller, lighter pieces of junk with one hand. Frustrated by the uselessness of my right arm, my eyes began to tear up. “Help me!” I demanded. Wrex was moving far too slowly for me.

Wrex grabbed my shoulder and squeezed firmly. “There's nothing we can do.”

“The hell there isn't!” I yelled at him. “Help me move this!” I indicated with my only good hand a larger piece that was next on the pile.

“Williams, look around!” Wrex growled back. “You're surrounded by enough scrap metal to build a frigate! You go tearing into it, and you might cause it to collapse on top of us!”

“They're close! They were right in front of us!” I countered as tears began to fall. I pulled with all my weight, but the metal beam I gripped refused to budge a single centimeter.

Wrex grabbed my shoulder tightly and spun me away from the debris to face him, causing pain to flair up in my broken arm as it was swung about. “They're gone!” Wrex bellowed.

I rallied through the pain and punched Wrex square in the jaw with my good hand. The pain that lanced through my hand at the contact convinced me not to try that again. “Fuck you, Wrex!” I shouted. “I won't give up on them so easily!”

Wrex snarled and held me at bay with both arms. I was hopelessly outmatched with my broken arm. Sharp edges of debris started to poke noticeably into the back of my armor as he held me down. “Stop and think!” he yelled. “If we're going to keep breathing long enough to find them, we've got to wait for extraction. We can't do this alone.”

“No!” I shouted. “You wait! I'm going after them!”

Wrex seemed to grow angry then, and he released my shoulders only to grab me around the neck. He applied considerable pressure to my throat until I couldn't breathe any longer. Choking, I pawed at his hands and began kicking at him, trying to get him to relent. He was implacable, an immovable rock of enormous size. My fingers couldn't find the purchase I needed to free myself from the strength of his grip. I could feel sudden weakness in my extremities, followed all too soon by my sight growing dim until I couldn't see anything.

I woke up a short time later to find myself on my back with my broken arm lying across my stomach. I gasped, taking in a deep breath and looking around wildly. Wrex was sitting nearby. He looked very calm considering what had transpired between us. He nodded towards me.

“Don't look surprised; I was never going to kill you. It seemed you were having a bit of a panic attack, so I decided to help.”

 _Help? Choking me until I passed out is help?_ I looked away from him towards the debris. Very quietly, I said with a hoarse voice, “Okay.” I resolved to say nothing else to him until we were rescued.

The debris reminded me too much of where I was, and how I didn't know what had happened to Shepard and Liara. They were actually quite a bit further ahead of us than I had insisted to Wrex earlier. They could have made it to the other side, maybe, and been trapped like us. Swallowing painfully, I looked straight up instead, out the new skylight where the glass ceiling of the Citadel Tower used to be. The nebula gasses mixed and moved somewhere just out of reach. I noticed shiny dots moving among the gas that could only be ships or debris from ships.

The stabbing pain in my arm was gaining strength again, and I realized it must have been a while since the morphine injection. My medkit was left behind in our rush to escape, however, so I was going to have to endure.

I got on my radio again. “Shepard, Liara, are you there?”

I could feel Wrex study me while I called out in vain, hoping for an answer. “You're so sure they're still alive?” he asked.

I pondered the question. “I can feel it,” I answered softly, telling myself that it was true.

“Just you wait,” he suggested easily. “She'll turn out to be the one who saves _us._ ”

I grinned ruefully, tears building in my eyes. “I'd like that,” I said.

Wrex's voice grew unusually soft. “Then don't worry,” he told me, “she's coming for you.”

I closed my eyes and felt the tension evaporate from my shoulders. “She's coming,” I repeated.

The Reapers had been stopped, Saren was dead—twice over—and Liara was coming for me. That covered everything that had been weighing on me for a long time now. The sudden lifting of these burdens from me felt so good that I didn't even notice when I surrendered to escape the pain, the nagging uncertainty, and my tiredness.

() () () () ()

When I woke up next, Wrex had his eyes closed too. I tried to suppress my pained grunts as I jostled my arm attempting to get up. I walked over to Wrex and knelt before him. His breathing was shallow, but even. I waited for a few moments before convincing myself he was okay for the time being. Without a way to clean away his wound, I couldn't tell much about it other than how viscous it looked. I doubted a human would have survived something like that, but Wrex was a warrior, like me. He knew what battles he needed to pick.

I tuned my radio away from the squad channel to the general distress channels. The chatter was near-constant as emergency responders and the survivors used it. I heard a woman trying to calm down a group of survivors who were trapped in the wards due to collateral damage from the battle. She was informing them that emergency rescue personnel were swamped, but someone would free them as soon as possible.

When the voices finally relented for a few seconds, I cut in. “This is Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, attached to the _SSV Normandy._ My squad and I are trapped at the top of the Citadel Tower; repeat, we're trapped in the Council Chambers. The roof came down on us. Two of us have moderate injuries. The other two are currently missing. I'm especially concerned about one member of my team; he may have internal injuries. It's hard to tell on a krogan.”

_“Received, Chief Williams. My name is Hadasha; I'm relaying your condition to rescue personnel. Please stay calm.”_

“Fuck calm!” I shouted back at her before I could stop myself. I felt like biting her head off for presuming to tell _me_ to stay calm; I was handling this like a fucking saint considering my situation. Wincing at my tone, I managed to repress anything further. _Control your tongue, Ash!_ “Sorry,” I apologized, and then I signed off the channel to allow Hadasha to do her job. Next I opened my omni-tool to read the time off of it. It'd been three hours since the roof caved in all around us. Although I knew it wasn't necessary, I looked up to check that the emergency atmospheric barrier was holding the air inside with us. At least the fires were out; they'd burned through what little they could and all that was left was heated metal.

I sighed, looking around until I scoped out a place to sit that would provide something semi-comfortable to lean back against. As I sat against some debris, I felt residual warmth in the metal.

My arm was causing me immense pain, and it was difficult-to-impossible to put it completely out of my mind. I tried rubbing my broken arm's wrist, but only succeeded in causing the pain to flair up. I let my arm rest in my lap instead, while the other tightly gripped the metal beam next to my side.

 _Be patient. Be calm. Be patient, be calm. Dammit, why! I don't know anything; I don't know where the_ Normandy _is, I don't know where Shepard is, I don't know where_ Liara _is. Fuck! I have to do something. What the hell am I going to do now?_

Feeling sour, I stared at Wrex's sleeping form and mentally hurled insults at him for daring to choke some sense into me. All I wanted to do right now was go tearing back into these metal piles and look for Liara. _But Wrex had to go ahead and make me stop. Asshole._

I punched the beam at my side with my good arm to release some frustration. My eyes watered. _No. I'm not going to start crying!_ I told myself, but it didn't really change my situation. _Stop blaming Wrex. Wrex is right, after all. You could have killed yourself, or the both of you, when the piles settled unexpectedly. Hell, what could you have done regardless, with only one good arm?_

_Useless, Ashley, useless! If you hadn't broken your damned arm, if you'd been faster, if you hadn't stumbled... You didn't do enough! You should have done more! Done anything at all!_

From the corner of my eye, I caught movement above me. Looking up, I saw the nebula was gone. The smooth, black hull of a ship hovered over the hole in the roof, so close that it blotted out anything beyond itself. I recognized the lines of the hull; I'd seen this ship from this angle many times before. I was looking at the belly of the _Normandy_.

“Wrex!” I shouted. “Wrex, wake up! The _Normandy's_ here!”

Wrex stirred languidly. He coughed as if his mouth was dry. “So it is,” he agreed. “Finally. I hope they've got a plan to pull us out of here. One giant collapse and there's nothing to shoot around here any more.”

“Nothing to shoot?” I asked, nonplussed, and then I realized he was talking about me, or perhaps both of us. I smirked, thinking to myself, _leave it to Wrex to joke about killing you._ I predicted aloud, “They'll rescue us and search until they find the others. Then everything will be okay. We'll all be okay.” I tried to tell myself I believed every word of what I said wholeheartedly.

Two marines appeared with rappelling lines, along with the rescue stretcher, which had its own line. I waited until they landed and approached me. I felt far too wiped to stand up, and making a show for the troops' morale didn't even occur to me.

“Ma'am,” came the concerned voice of Corporal Dennon. Beside him was Private Vinton.

“This is one heck of a sight for sore eyes,” I drawled tiredly.

“You look like shit, Chief. Let's get you out of here.”

“Wrex first,” I told him. A question occurred to me. “You got here by—You can rappel through the atmospheric shield?”

“That's exactly what I said,” Private Vinton puffed up, irritated. “Adams seemed to think my question was stupid.”

Dennon nodded. “Because if big objects couldn't get through an atmospheric barrier, how would ships leave the berths at the Citadel docks, which have the same shield up all the time?”

As I looked up at the lines going straight through the shield, I confessed, “I didn't think of it that way.”

The two marines helped Wrex stand and got him loaded up on the rescue stretcher, sealing him inside it for the brief transition into space before reaching the _Normandy's_ air supply. The stretcher was meant to lift wounded soldiers—human soldiers—back up to the ship if they couldn't manage to hold onto a line by themselves. Wrex's bulk filled the stretcher and then some. I watched as it jerked into motion and ascended to the _Normandy._ I half expected the motor to give up before he made it all the way up, but soon the stretcher was safely ensconced in the ship's hold.

A few minutes later it was sent back down, and I only cried out once from the pain, guarding my arm as much as I could as Vinton helped me over to the stretcher. I laid down and waited to be pulled back up to the ship. Once we were all back in the _Normandy's_ hull, I called up to the CIC via radio.

“Williams to the XO. Sir, we're still missing two crewmembers. Commander Shepard and Liara are still down there somewhere.”

_“Don't worry, Chief, I've already ordered more marines to rappel down and start a search for them. We'll find them.”_

“Thank you, Sir,” came my heartfelt response. I was taken by backboard to the med bay where Chakwas was already working on Wrex. One of her nurses started probing out the damage on my arm for me, causing me to hiss and moan from the pain. The whole place was pure bedlam that didn't seem to abate for hours.

() () () () ()

It was now six hours since I last saw my precious Liara. I was suspiciously drugged within an inch of my life, unable to draw myself up and out of bed to join in the frantic search that had been going on for hours. At least I convinced Corporal Dennon to bring me updates. It'd been a hell of a fight, however, just to stay conscious enough to hear them. My arm felt pretty good though; numb. Actually, most of my body was a bit numb.

I came to the realization that Chakwas may have anticipated my desire to leave the med bay and slipped me something simply to keep me here. I should have been more aware and anticipated that, but unfortunately, she'd outwitted me. I was plotting my escape from her obvious treachery when the doors swished open and a loud throng of people entered. I winced at the sudden increase in noise. _Whatever she gave me, I don't like it. She shouldn't keep me here like this. I should tell her that._

From the corners of my eyes I saw a flash of blue lead the group inside. My heart sped up, and the fog surrounding my mind seemed to begin to clear up a little. I blinked several times to focus. _Liara?!_

It was really her. Shepard, too, had arrived in true heroic fashion, looking completely unscathed compared to me or Wrex. Liara rushed up to me with the softest and yet most intense look in her eyes that I'd ever seen. She called out, “Ashley!” She palmed my cheek and turned me to face her.

I sighed happily. “You're here,” I stated, amazed.

She nodded, tears in her eyes. “Yes, I'm here. I'm here. It's all going to be okay.”

I nodded too, nuzzling my cheek deeper in her hand. “I couldn't get to you; I was so worried.”

She shook her head. “Nothing to worry about. Shepard got us to the elevator shaft. We ducked in there until everything settled down, but the debris separated our groups. We had to climb most of the way down the Tower until we could reach a level where we could be evacuated. Getting off the Citadel and back aboard the _Normandy_ was a nightmare. Everything's a nightmare over there; too many emergencies and not enough rescue workers.”

“You're here now,” I pointed out again, as I felt it was the most important part of her entire story. “I'm so glad you're ok.”

Liara stroked my cheek with her thumb in lazy, comforting strokes. “I won't leave you for anything,” she promised.

I closed my eyes, finding myself getting tired. The brief spat of adrenaline that had cleared my head was wearing off; my fight was waning quickly. Annoyed, I explained, “I'm so tired. I—I think they gave me something—Doctor—is a—complete tyrant.”

Liara's choked, yet mysteriously lyrical laughter was the last thing I remembered.

() () () () ()

Everything happened quickly after the day we defeated Saren. I'd begun to feel like I'd never have another chance to catch my breath so long as I lived. Things long taken for granted suddenly changed, like the Council's startling announcement that they were going to add a fourth seat to their ranks for a human representative. Everyone, myself included, were expecting nothing more than a few gracious public statements, and Udina's job as the human representative might get a little easier for a while.

Yet, I heard it straight from Commander Shepard that they went above and beyond for us, giving us more political power than others who had been a part of the Citadel races for hundreds and even thousands of years. There was a lot of controversy surrounding it, but so far the Council had weathered the criticism and stood by their decision. I couldn't even begin to wonder how many things might change for humanity because of this; the Treaty of Farixen came to my mind often when I pondered. That treaty held humanity's dreadnought production down, forcing us to allow the turians, salarians, and asari to keep their numerical superiority in dreadnoughts. Perhaps that could all change. Perhaps not.

The Council gave considerable weight to Shepard's recommendation for who should fill humanity's seat on the Council. This gave him a lot of power, which he immediately put to use. Shepard convinced Ambassador Udina that he was about to recommend Captain Anderson now that the soldier had been released with no charges placed against him.

Councilor Udina didn't like that, and after all but grovelling at Shepard's feet, Udina did get Shepard's vote—after Shepard apparently put the fear of God into the man. Once upon a time, Udina had been annoyed by our presence, but now he was walking on eggshells around Shepard. I hoped Shepard knew what he was doing, because I certainly didn't hold out much hope for Udina's turning over a new leaf. The man was a politician, after all, and I didn't trust politicians. I would have thought Anderson would have been the best choice; he was someone who didn't seek out political power and who unequivocally believed us about the continued Reaper threat, but it wasn't my call to make.

Things changed rapidly in far more personal ways, too. It started with Tali'Zorah returning to the quarian fleet, completing her pilgrimage. Then Garrus Vakarian left the _Normandy_ to return to the Citadel. He got his old job back as a C-Sec investigator, and Shepard told me the Spectres might approach him soon to give him the chance to try out. If he did join the Spectre ranks, a dogged investigator like him would have all sorts of criminals and terrorists quaking in their boots. I smirked every time I considered that.

The thing that impacted me the hardest, however, was saying goodbye to Wrex as he returned home to Tuchanka. Perhaps this time, his people would be more receptive to his voice and ready to focus on breeding and keeping their species alive. I hoped so.

For now, Wrex and I stood at my workbench on deck three as the crew was about to open the forward ramp and expose us to the sandstorm that was the krogan's homeworld.

“Williams,” Wrex said gruffly as he approached.

I gave him small wry grin. “Wrex,” I copied.

His gaze briefly fell upon my weapon as it lay on the table. I regarded it for only a moment before he spoke and my attention returned to his rough, leathery face. “Your blood is strong, Williams. Keep it that way.”

My left eyebrow and corner of my mouth rose slightly at his words; I'd never heard him or any other krogan say something like that before, but it seemed to fit them perfectly. “I will. You'd better do the same; wouldn't want you getting soft.”

“Nothing to worry about. Krogan can't be soft.” Wrex grinned toothily, looking a bit predatory.

“No, I suppose not,” I acceded wryly. I searched for some possible way to say what I felt without making an appeal that he would think was weak. I settled for, “Goodbye, Wrex. It was an honor fighting at your side.”

Behind Wrex, the ramp began its descent and the wind noise picked up immediately, making further communication difficult. Wrex simply nodded, turned, and left. I stood there, watching his back recede from me, until the ramp closed between us and I felt the _Normandy_ shove against gravity, lifting us into the air.

Of Shepard's team, only Shepard and Liara remained with me aboard the ship. There were no more missions for us, not for a while, at least. The entire galaxy seemed to know Shepard's name by now, and the publicity began intruding on us immediately. There were many events, all mandatory, where we were expected to attend. The latest of them was aboard Arcturus Station, humanity's largest space station, and the home of our fleet.

I stood at attention with what I guessed to be thousands of people all staring up at myself and my crewmates gathered on the stage with me. I was nervous about my appearance, but my mess dress had never looked more clean and sharp. As I sucked in a steadying breath, I sensed that the air had the standard recycled tinge to it that was common to human stations like Arcturus. We were gathered at Europa Hall, the largest room in the entire station. Through the banks of windows lining the wall to my right, the stars gleamed at me.

In front of us was a podium manned by a member of the Brass. “It is my great honor and privilege to be here today,” Admiral Hackett's voice carried through the air, amplified so the vast crowd would hear him, “recognizing the contributions of the _SSV Normandy_ and her crew in their efforts to stop the rogue Citadel agent Saren. Though their mission was fraught with danger, these men and women never wavered in their devotion to duty. The Systems Alliance has lost many men and women in the recent battle against Saren's forces. Their sacrifice shall never be forgotten so long as this Alliance stands united. Let us not forget, however, how much worse it could have been without the efforts of the entire _Normandy_ crew. They have served with the highest conviction and saved the lives of countless humans and aliens both. They are a credit to their uniform and to humanity.”

Hackett began calling up members of the crew to award them with medals. I was the last one to receive mine besides Shepard himself, as Hackett worked his way through last names alphabetically. “Gunnery Chief Williams, step forward.”

I marched up to Admiral Hackett and stood by his side, facing him. He angled himself towards me as he announced my awards. “Chief Williams, I have it on your commanding officer's authority that you have shed more than your fair share of your own blood for the Systems Alliance.” He grinned at me, and I couldn't help but grin back. “Your devotion is commendable, and your contributions undeniable. For several injuries in the line of duty, I hereby award you the Purple Heart.” I bowed as the Purple Heart was looped over my head and allowed to rest against my chest. Cheers and clapping ensued from both the gathered audience and those on the stage. Feeling self-conscious, my sling began to itch, but I continued to smile widely and ignored it.

Hackett continued, “Furthermore, you served with such distinction during the conflicts you've endured that you have garnered the respect of your entire crew. For exceptional gallantry while engaged in military operations, and in particular for your defense of the Citadel Tower, you are awarded the Silver Star.”

There was a tremendous swell of applause as the second award was draped around my neck. I could hardly control my gratified smile. Once things died back down, I was dismissed back to my spot in the tight cluster of _Normandy_ crewmembers gathered on the stage with me. We were all decorated now, save for one.

Hackett drew a breath, and he straightened his back just a little bit more than it was already. Everyone grew quiet, knowing this was the highest award of the day. “Commander Shepard, please step forward.” Commander Shepard did so, looking very clean-cut and imposing in his mess dress. Hackett pronounced, “For supreme valor and gallantry, Commander Shepard is hereby awarded the Medal of Honor. His leadership has saved the Citadel from the greatest threat it has ever known, and humanity owes him a debt of gratitude for saving the lives of the men and women living there.” Triumphant music broke out as the whole place erupted into clapping, screaming, whistles, and shouts. Everyone was excited and happy. The sounds drowned out everything on the stage.

Hours passed before things began to wind down. Although the hall was still filled with people, I was quickly tiring of the attention being lavished upon myself and the rest of the crew. Taking advantage of an opportunity when Shepard wasn't already engaged in conversation with someone, I begged him to let me go early, but he wouldn't hear of it. Fortunately, within another half hour the crowds had begun to dissipate. Shepard gathered the _Normandy_ crew around for an announcement.

“Chief Williams, front and center!” he ordered. I came up, one eyebrow raised questioningly.

He smiled like a predator about to spring a trap on his prey. “Silver Star, soldier? Well, I'm not letting you get off that easy today.”

There were laughs all around that quickly died down so Commander Shepard could continue. “Despite my role as the first human Spectre, I'm still a commander in the Systems Alliance, in charge of my own ship. That means I get to do cool things like this:

“Gunnery Chief Williams, you've been through the worst this mission had to offer, and you kept a cool head throughout it all. You are a model leader to the entire crew. You've earned my respect. It is my honor and privilege to _promote_ you to Chief of Operations. Congratulations, soldier, you've earned it.”

The crew was quick to applaud as I felt some excess color once again threatening to show on my cheeks as I smiled. “Thank you, Sir.” Shepard and I saluted each other, and I accepted the new marks for my uniform to distinguish my new rank.

He grinned. “Glad you stayed?” Without waiting for an answer, he addressed us all, “ _Normandy_ crew, you are hereby on liberty until 0800 tomorrow. Assemble aboard the ship, and don't be late. Thank you.”

The crew broke up to mingle amongst themselves; a few left entirely. I waited just long enough to locate Liara in the crowd and pull her away. She laughed at my insistence, but allowed me to guide her out of Europa Hall.

As we entered the corridors of Arcturus Station, I relented a bit, allowing Liara to set a comfortable pace while walking beside me. I noticed everyone in the corridor staring at us as we walked past and hoped it wasn't as off-putting to Liara as it was to me. Still, to hell with all of them, I wasn't letting go of my girl's hand today for anything.

“Today really brought back how this all started for me,” I told her quietly.

She gave my hand an extra squeeze. “How did it start?”

“I was leading my unit on Eden Prime when the geth attacked. My unit was wiped out.”

Liara stopped, letting her hand drop from mine, and I turned towards her. “I'm so sorry, Ash. I didn't know.”

I shook my head. “No, it's okay. That's why I'm telling you now. I want to ask you for a favor, but it will make more sense if I tell you about a woman from my unit first. What ended up happening, well, none of us could have done anything about that.”

“A woman?” Liara asked. “Am I going to be jealous?” She smiled, one eyebrow raised.

“No, not like that,” I grinned wryly. “In fact, I was a little jealous of her, and something she had that I didn't. But that's all I'm saying until we get somewhere... _More private,_ ” I quipped saucily.

“It's a human station, I hope you know the way...” Liara retorted.

“Follow me,” I requested, holding out my open hand. Liara took it and together we made our way through the corridors once again. Following the signs and what I remembered from studying my omni-tool first thing this morning, I led her to an observation room that had been closed for maintenance. As the doors slid apart to let us in, Liara and I immediately noticed the room's lack of lighting. There were a few tools lying about and all manners of ladders and step-ladders, but they were all along the interior wall. The exterior wall had glass, but there was no view of space, only the blank face of a blast shield that had been lowered over the top.

Activating my omni-tool's flashlight, I led the way carefully between the piles of junk on the floor. To Liara, I explained, “I wanted a place with an impressive view that was also private, but apparently saving the galaxy isn't enough to get you everything you want.” I chuckled. “So, this is my improvisation. This observation room's in the middle of getting overhauled, and all the workers have the day off, thanks to our little ceremony we just went through.”

Liara looked briefly around the dark room herself. “Not much to see, except for you, Ash, and I'm afraid you've got too many clothes on to fully appreciate that.”

“You little blue flirt,” I shot back, smiling, fighting the heat building in my cheeks. “Well, Love, allow me to _finish_ what I _started_ , and maybe you'll understand why I picked this spot.” I tapped into some controls set into the exterior wall near the large windows. The blast shield began retracting, revealing the gas giant Themis, and beyond it, the red giant star Arcturus. Taking a step backwards, I gently tugged Liara into position so her view through the window was unobstructed. I turned off my omni-tool light, letting the distant red giant provide all the illumination.

As I watched Liara take in the starry expanse, I saw her features soften in appreciation. “Space is beautiful,” she murmured.

“Yeah,” I agreed just as softly. For my part, I took a few moments to take in the sight as well. Themis, a large gas giant, was striated with clouds of different ruddy shades, slowly thickening and thinning in such a way that it seemed faintly alive. The windows were tinted just right so Arcturus, the star, could also be examined without any eye protection. Its curved edge was blurred by the tiny solar flares that dared to leap away from the star and curve back to land in it again. I could see a sunspot or two as well, breaking up its surface into a few distinct regions.

“I don't want to ruin this by trying to find the right words,” I told Liara. “Will you help me?”

Liara met my gaze and held it. “Always,” she answered. She closed within my personal space, our eyes never leaving each others. As I felt her rest her hands at my hips, I reciprocated. She slowed her breathing considerably. “Relax, Ash. Breathe deeply. Remember each time we've done this before, and put yourself back into that place. Open yourself, and Embrace Eternity!”

_We were laying quietly, listening intently. Near us, Nirali had just activated her small vidmail player. We heard the voice of her husband in soft, muted tones that could barely carry over to our bunk. Although we never said anything to Nirali, we appreciated her routine immensely. The Bhatias' connection and dedication to one another inspired us. For these scant few minutes while the recording played, our family wasn't so far away, our personal lives were not lived in solitude. We were connected, no matter how great the distance, no matter how foreign the sky._

_Liara..._

An intense feeling of longing gripped us, caused our concentration to slip. Our connection shattered; our minds became separate and distinct. I opened my eyes, finding that this time I was much more used to the sensations that came to me after the bond was broken, and I wasn't as addled. Liara's gaze immediately met mine again, her eyes still black as space.

“Oh Ash,” she exclaimed. “I know that feeling, that isolation. You don't have to tell me; I know what you want now.”

“You do?” I asked. “I was about to tell you...”

She shook her head, silencing me with an affectionate squeeze at my hips. Her eyes were cloudy now; the darkness was slowly receding. “I would love to do that for you. You'll never have to feel like that again, not if I have anything to say about it.”

“I love you, Liara.”

Leaning in, Liara kissed me. As she pulled away, she asked with a smile, “What language would you prefer?”

I didn't even have to think about it. “Both. Make it a prayer for us. Maybe this will be my first lesson in Thessian.”

Liara nodded, giggling briefly. “As you wish.”

She opened her omni-tool, preparing for her recording. “Athame, your humble daughter seeks your embrace. I do not know what the next season may bring, and questions plague my mind. My thoughts are with my lover, always, and what she endures. Bring us both to your bosom, hold us close. Strengthen our bond until our souls are united in harmony, for there is no greater love that I can give. I love you, Mother, for you are the Matron of all life. Your daughter, Liara.”

I was rooted in place as I watched and listened to Liara make her recording. My throat tightened as I tried to keep my love for her from spilling out and interrupting her. Her prayer was so beautiful, just like she was, and it was almost too much for me to take.

She started speaking in Thessian now, all words I didn't understand nor even recognize. As I listened to each syllable, I could feel them being etched into the surface of my heart. Before this journey with Liara, I had only a cause, my desire to protect and serve. It was enough for its time, but I couldn't go back to being like that ever again. Liara had opened my eyes and showed me something I had never known: my capacity to love her. Liara was right; our future was completely uncertain, but I knew something that I'd not known before: it was _our_ future, together.

 

() T H E   E N D ()


	20. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

 

Tired, but eager to move around now that we had arrived at our destination, Liara and I left the starport behind, while each pulling a large suitcase on two wheels. I held Liara's left hand in my right, and I felt somewhat haughty seeing other humans watch us as we passed by. After all, Liara was with _me,_ and a selfish part of me wanted them to see that. _Silently bragging,_ I thought to myself with a touch of a grin at one corner of my lips. _Perhaps not the most selfless feeling ever, but I can't help it. She's mine, and no one else's!_ As we both adjusted to the climate outside the starport, the heat fell upon us quickly. The bright sunlight was no doubt good for the crops grown on Amaterasu, but it was a bit unwelcoming to the colony's tourists.

The plains stretched out in all directions from the starport, interrupted only by the nearby city, Dotter. Dotter itself barely counted as a city, too small to fit any form of the word “metropolis,” and it had no buildings taller than five stories. Amaterasu's population was extremely spread out when compared to the tight arcologies of Eden Prime.

I led Liara over to the open-air X3M shuttle depot. We had to be economical buying our tickets to come here, so there were already many travelers in front of us waiting in line. I glanced over to Liara; she seemed to be looking around the plains, taking them in. I'd seen it all before, so I took the opportunity to watch her reactions instead. She looked—lost, perhaps? I wondered what questions she was asking herself about what she saw.

I didn't have to wonder for long. Liara caught me gazing at her and flashed me a confident smile as she met my gaze. “I had no idea it would be so—empty, I suppose. I've seen images on the extranet of Eden Prime and a few other human colonies. They're much larger than this settlement.”

I nodded. “Amaterasu is small in comparison. That city in the distance is Dotter, and it's the biggest we have on this planet thanks to the spaceport.”

“Are we surrounded entirely by farmland?” she asked, incredulous.

“Makes for a pleasing enough vista for our admittedly limited tourist industry, don't you think?” I answered.

Liara agreed, “I suppose so. I like it.”

“Besides, the best reason to visit Dotter, and Amaterasu in general, is the food. You think you've had human food on the _Normandy?_ Ha, think again. I'm going to introduce you to real human food before we leave.”

“You're planning a lot of firsts for our first trip to Amaterasu,” Liara noted softly.

“I want you to have a good time.” My voice softened as I implored her, “I know we've talked about this already, but my family—I don't know how our relationship will go over. We're both going to have to deal with whatever reception we get, but it's not the only reason we're here. This is where I grew up, and I want to share it with you. Just promise me we'll make some good memories here, no matter what happens. Okay?”

“Okay,” Liara pronounced, smiling warmly. “Food sounds like a good start.”

“I'm sure we'll find something that will amaze you,” I promised. “Some of my favorite foods come from restaurants right here in Dotter. We'll have to wait, though; there's no doubt my family's cooking dinner for us tonight.”

The group of four in front of us climbed inside an X3M aircar together and departed, while an empty aircar autopiloted to a landing in front of us. As its engines died down and the doors popped open, Liara expressed to me, “Finally. This heat is suffocating.”

I released her hand to grab my suitcase with both of mine. “Let's blast the air conditioning,” I voted as I lifted it up and into the far back seat. I pulled back to get out of Liara's way so she could put her own next to mine. Feeling amorous, I held up my right hand and smiled widely when I caught her attention. She laughed, but nonetheless accepted by help, holding my hand for balance as she stepped up into the car and over to the far seat on the right side of the car. As she sat down, I climbed in the near seat myself, strapped in, and got the aircar moving to make room for others waiting for an aircar behind us.

Liara pulled up the haptic adaptive interface on her side, navigating to weather information. After finishing our flight plan and letting the autopilot take full control, I glanced over, curious to see what she was reading. Our aircar's own thermometer was apparently measuring the outdoor temperature at 36.6 degrees C, explaining our recent discomfort in numerical terms. The humidity was high for this area too. Liara brought up the local forecast: rain was expected to fall within the next few hours.

I looked out the front window, dimming the holographic display of the aircar's vital statistics like speed and altitude. Right in front of us were dark, angry-looking clouds that drew a sharp line parallel to the horizon. They were approaching quickly, or more precisely, we approached each other quickly. “Hey Liara, look,” I directed her as I pointed out the front window. “There's the big storm that's coming.”

“Oh my,” she said as she looked out the window. “Is that a big storm for this area?”

“Looks like it to me,” I told her with a wry grin. “Hope you're not squeamish.”

Liara shook her head. “No, I'm not. I'll be fine. What about you?” she challenged.

“Excited would be a better word for it,” I told her. “It reminds me of a roller coaster ride.”

“A roller coaster?” Liara asked.

I snapped my face away from the storm to regard Liara in surprise. Recovering, I stated cryptically, “Oh, I'll _definitely_ have something else to add to our list for this vacation trip.” I smirked predatorily at her.

Liara took one glance at me and implored, “Whatever it is, Goddess protect me.”

I laughed. The aircar passed straight through the weather front then, and we were both distracted by the storm outside our windows as the buffeting started. The rain was heavy and loud as it splattered against our vehicle. Our vehicle's computer automatically slowed its forward progress a bit to more easily adjust to the whipping winds buffeting it.

“When will you tell them?” Liara asked, once again bringing our attention back inside the aircar. “I don't want to rush you or make this any harder than it has to be.”

“I'm not sure. It'll have to be while I'm alone with my sisters, because they need the chance to interrogate me privately.”

“Interrogate?” Liara asked, her eyebrow raised. “That doesn't sound very good.”

“I probably could have said it better,” I hedged, somewhat apologetic. “Listen, for our family, news like this won't make sense to them at first. They'll have a lot of questions, and they'll feel very uneasy until they've gotten their answers. They might even be a little mad at me for keeping secrets; I don't know. I've got to let them get it all out before they'll be able to adjust. Believe me, Liara, I know they'll adjust. It'll just take time.”

“Telling your family is an important step in our relationship,” Liara stated. “I don't want to be in the way, but it feels wrong for me to be absent for it.”

“I'll make sure we include you, Liara. I'm sure they'll have questions for you, too, eventually.”

Liara sighed, “That almost sounds worse.”

I gave her my most pitying look, but my amusement was betrayed by the slight upturn of my lips. I held out my open hand in-between us. “You'll survive, Love.”

Liara flashed me a smile and laced her fingers between mine. Before I knew it, we were grinning madly at each other and time seemed to still; the only movement I perceived was the water outside the window behind her.

The aircar bucked beneath us unexpectedly, jarring us both and prematurely ending our moment. I glanced at the display to make sure everything was all right, noting how little the aircar's altitude was shifting while still being annoyingly turbulent for its passengers.

Liara remarked, “It's been a long time since I've been in an X3M going through a storm. I forgot how much it can knock us around.”

“It sure can,” I agreed. “The radar's completely covered by the storm clouds. Based on our ground speed, though, it'll be a half hour before we reach my family's house. I hope we leave the storm by then; I'd hate to have to unpack our stuff in the middle of a downpour.”

“If only this wasn't a public aircar, I'd suggest we leave everything overnight.”

I nodded in agreement. “We'll survive, if I have to peel every soaked layer of cloth off of you myself.” I waggled my eyebrows at her with a prominent mischievous and unrepentant smirk. I was looking to provoke an involuntary response from her, and I got what I was looking for: Liara's eyelids momentarily slammed shut as she sucked in a quiet gasp. I cherished my effect over her even as she recovered from being undone. It was a rare thing to see, a thing of beauty.

I'd first seen something like it as we made love for the first time together. Now I would periodically seek it out without warning or preamble. Anything to see her come apart for me, gripped by the same passion that constantly drove me crazy.

Liara sought to level her most chastising look at me. As always, I acknowledged it without a hint of remorse, still smirking. She could pretend to hate me for it all she wanted; I knew better. She shook her head, giving up after only a moment of reproach. There it was; her tiny smile quirking her lips as at last she allowed herself to appreciate the passion, thinking her point was safely made.

I swallowed as I looked back out the windshield. My efforts were a double-edged sword, stoking my desires just as much as hers. I shifted in my seat for the sake of a moment's distraction. As far as I was concerned, it could keep raining as hard as it wanted to, just so long as I got to make good on my promise.

() () () () ()

The aircar left us at a secluded ranch-style modular home under dark, but dry, cloud cover. My mother's garden sat next to the house to my left. I could see droplets of rainwater still clinging to the blooming red, yellow, and white rosebushes. My mother had a row reserved for her tulips, too, which also looked incredibly healthy. The front door popped open and out burst all three of my sisters, Sarah in the lead. I smiled warmly and waved to all of them as they approached.

The ground was a bit muddy, so with my sister's help, we managed to lift our bulky suitcases and carry them inside the front door. After confirming we'd unloaded the shuttle, I sent the X3M back up into the air. It banked around 180 degrees and shot off into the sky. Turning back to the house, I entered last and closed the door behind me.

“How was the trip?” Abby was asking Liara as I entered.

Liara made a big show of stretching. “Fine. I just feel a little cramped from sitting for so long in both the aircar and the interstellar transport.”

 _I'm in no better condition,_ I reflected. “Can we see the guest room, please? I think Liara and I both need a hot shower to loosen up.”

“Of course,” Abby agreed, turning to lead the way. “Follow me.”

Liara and I each tugged our respective suitcases behind us and did just as my sister instructed. My other sisters dispersed as well; Sarah headed for her bedroom, Lynn for the kitchen. It was almost dinner time, and Liara and I would have our work cut out for us as we answered their inevitable questions about the trip and tried to eat the meal that would no doubt be substantial all on its own.

There was only enough room in our house for a single guest room, so Liara and I had to share by default. I knew that before we left, and as I closed the bedroom door, Liara grinned as she pointed out the big king-size bed to me. Her levity carried on her voice as she exclaimed quietly, “Look, Ash, it's a _bed_.”

“A real _bed?_ How does it work? Where's the canopy to close it up?” We laughed together at our in-joke.

“What's the shower like?” Liara wondered aloud as she headed into the connected bathroom.

The bathroom had another door on the opposite side that led into Sarah's room. I smirked. Liara was about to be surprised; not only did the bathroom have a shower, but my father had put in the time and money to get a very nice, large capacity tub with massaging jets installed. The smaller walking space was more than compensated for by the luxury of that tub. It had soothed many a frayed nerve in our family over the years.

Such indulgence, however, would have to wait. “It's a nice bathroom,” I told her needlessly. Liara's only response was to close the door between us and engage the privacy lock. Moments later, I heard the shower come on.

I busied myself with digging into my suitcase, gathering toiletries, putting some of my clothes in the empty dresser's top drawer. My mother's home wasn't as expansive as a hotel, but the floor plan was efficient, and big enough that it accommodated all of us children while we were growing up, although we'd shared rooms. My father had poured a lot of his meager salary back into this house, improving upon the basics we started with until it had a lot of very nice creature comforts. He always took such excellent care of us, whether he was home on leave or away and serving on all kinds of Systems Alliance naval ships.

Liara's shower was surprisingly brief. She emerged a few minutes after shutting off the water with her azure skin just a shade darker than usual, again dressed in the clothes she'd worn on the trip out here.

As Liara passed me, I intercepted her with a hug, drawing her in until I could whisper in her ear. The pleasant, rosy aroma of my family's customary soap greeted me. “What is that wonderful smell?” I asked. “I could just eat you up right here.”

Liara quipped back, “You are really hungry, aren't you?”

I chuckled and nodded, rubbing the sides of our heads together. “Pretty much. Let's finish getting ready for dinner before I spoil my appetite.”

My lover snorted before she could stifle her humor. “Mhmm,” she managed, pulling away from me. I released her and calmly took the opportunity to secure my own stake on the bathroom.

Within twenty or so minutes of my whispered promise, Liara and I were gathered around my mother's table with the rest of my family. My mother had arrived home herself from an appointment in Dotter while I'd been showering, so introductions had already been made by the time we all sat down.

My mother addressed me first as we began eating, “It's been a while since I've seen you, Ashley. You've been busy on that ship of yours ever since the awards ceremony on Arcturus Station. How has your new responsibilities as an Operations Chief gone?”

I smiled. My mother understood military minds like my own, like my father and grandfather. She knew how to get us to open up and talk, even if we weren't always very talkative. “It's been a wonderful challenge,” I informed her. “We've been hunting geth across the galaxy. There's been plenty of ground missions, too, so I've had to work hard to keep the _Normandy's_ entire marine contingent on their toes and ready to respond at a moment's notice. There's hardly been any downtime at all, but things have gone perfectly. No injuries, no casualties, no problem.”

“I'm glad to hear that,” my mother stated warmly. She turned toward my guest. “And you, Liara? How has it been, aboard a human ship for such a long time?”

Liara smiled warmly. “Well Mrs. Williams—Lauren,” she corrected herself at my mother's almost-protest. “Humanity is an inspiring culture. You act so much more quickly and focus so deeply on what you want. My culture could stand to learn a little bit of that from yours. Ashley has specifically encouraged me to 'seize the day' as she puts it. Now I can understand why your people love coffee so much.”

I snickered as the rest of my family laughed affably. Sarah asked next, “But are you lonely? I mean, aboard an alien ship all the time with a bunch of—no offense, sister—busybody soldiers?”

“Hey,” I interjected weakly, inspiring more laughter, but trailed off afterward to let Liara answer.

“The crew has made a place for me to work alongside them,” Liara replied. “There are times I miss my homeworld, for certain, but my work aboard the _Normandy_ keeps me just as busy as the others. I spend a great deal of my 'off duty' time in Ashley's company. We have become close friends.”

“What about love?” Sarah asked, pressing further. “I've been doing some reading on asari culture, and your entire culture almost seems to be built around it. Do you ever get restless, seeing the same forty-or-so people and postponing the search for a bondmate?”

“Not personally,” Liara hedged, a little wary of the direction Sarah was taking our conversation. “Searching for a bondmate is primarily a matron's endeavor, first of all. While I am certainly capable of falling in love now, well—for this stage of my life, I have everything I need aboard the _Normandy._ ” She looked towards me and our eyes met briefly.

As our gazes broke apart I felt some trepidation that my family might have picked up on a little more than just what Liara had said aloud. I stared at my plate and focused on eating a bite or two while assiduously keeping any blushing from showing. “Liara knows about our family and our grandfather,” I told them, hoping to derail the conversation.

“What?” my mother interjected before catching herself.

“You know?” my little sister Sarah asked, almost timidly.

“Yes,” Liara answered confidently. “Ashley has told me about the full extent of the prejudice your family faces in the military. You have my sympathy for being treated so unfairly. I am also impressed that Ashley chose to tackle that prejudice head on like she has.” Liara addressed me briefly, “I've said this before, but your dedication is inspiring.”

“Thank you, Liara,” I replied graciously, then looked towards my sisters and my mother. “The reason I bring this up is because I want you to understand that we don't have to keep secrets from Liara. She's my best friend, and I trust her implicitly.”

“That's wonderful!” Sarah agreed readily. “I never would have thought you'd be the one to make an alien best friend, Ashley.”

“It's been a long time coming,” I assured her, and the others as well. “Liara has been a great friend, and infinitely patient with me and my baggage. Clearing the air with her, well, it was one of the best feelings in the world.”

“Likewise for my part,” Liara interjected with a smile.

“Then you don't have to worry about us,” Abby informed Liara. “Once you've passed into the trusted zone with one Williams daughter, you've passed into the trusted zone with all of them.”

“Thank you very much,” Liara answered.

Our dinner wrapped up not too long after that. All of us retired to the living room, continuing to make small talk about each of our lives of late. Once we started to feel like we were finally getting caught up, Lynn and Abby excused themselves to head to their respective abodes.

Liara retired to our room first; I let her have plenty of lead time, just in case my mother and sister wanted to talk with me privately. I felt a little fear creep up in my gut as I sat on the sofa between my family members. Liara's presence had been a protective shield against the tough questions; now that she was in our room, I wondered what they'd do.

As it turns out, I had no need to worry. Sarah followed Liara's path heading for her own bedroom with a pleasant “Goodnight,” to us both. I watched her leave before turning my full attention to my mother, who seemed contemplative.

“You look really good, Ash,” she stated warmly. “I haven't seen you glow like this in years.”

“Glow?” I asked, surprised. “I'm not glowing, Mom.”

She chuckled lowly. “Indeed? I suppose I'm imagining things then.”

I conceded her point, to a degree. “Well, okay, I suppose I'm pretty happy right now. But that's just because I'm home with my family!”

“I'm glad you're here, too, my little poet.”

That got my cheeks red. “Don't let Liara hear you call me that, please,” I objected, glancing behind me towards the hallway.

My mother laughed more boisterously than ever. “I'm sorry, honey. You'll just have to forgive me for that one; I haven't seen you in so long.”

“I know,” I agreed warmly. “Mom, about Liara...”

“Hmm?” my mother probed politely.

“Well, at dinner... I just wanted to thank you, and my sisters too, for being so accepting of her. I was a little worried about bringing her over, even if she is my best friend that doesn't make her family.”

Mother shook her head definitively. “That's where you're wrong, Ashley. That is exactly what makes her a part of our family.”

I had no answer to that, so I merely leaned over and into my mother's arms, hugging her. “Thank you,” I managed, my voice cracking with barely constrained emotion.

We held each other for a few minutes longer before breaking apart. “I'll see you tomorrow, Mom,” I told her with a wide smile.

“Tomorrow,” she held me to the promise, standing up to head towards her bedroom on the opposite side of the living room from mine. I left the living room excited and deliriously happy, although that was counterbalanced by how physically tired I was tonight.

As I arrived at my bedroom, Liara walked out, stopping me in the hallway. “Hey,” I greeted her, grinning like a fool.

“Ash?” she questioned my odd expression, obviously unaware of what had transpired in the living room without her.

I shook my head and pulled her into as tight a hug as I could manage. “Welcome to the family,” I whispered into her ear. “This is all going so much better than I could have imagined.”

We remained embraced tightly for a trackless amount of time; I felt my spirit siphoning its strength from our contact together, and I waited until I felt strong enough to reluctantly pull away. As I did, I couldn't help but give her in reciprocity a reassuring kiss on the cheek. Holding hands, she led me into my bedroom, and I closed the door behind us. There might not be any carnal relations tonight, but I knew I'd be falling asleep tonight holding my love tight, and that was more than enough incentive for me.

() () () () ()

I was, predictably, the first one awake in my mother's house. I started making a generous Williams-family-sized serving of pancake batter so we'd have enough for everyone when my sisters arrived from their own homes to spend the day. As a military family, all of us were “trained” as early risers, so Abby and Lynn shouldn't be too long. As I mixed the batter, I heard Sarah enter the kitchen.

 _That's unusual, she doesn't usually like hanging out in here in case we try to recruit her into helping with the cooking._ I glanced over my shoulder. She had a smug, self-satisfied smirk that immediately set my brow furrowed. “Morning,” I greeted her.

“Good morning,” she shot back immediately, flipping some of her hair back behind her ear.

I turned back to the batter. _This could be trouble. Ignore her._ I resumed mixing batter, focusing my attention there.

Sarah sighed behind me. “I swear, sometimes it's so hard to get a good night's sleep.”

“What?” I asked, nonplussed. “You seem awfully chipper for being tired...”

“Oh, I am. What about you?” Sarah asked. “Sleep well with Liara?”

I swallowed some of my nervousness. “Uh, oh, of course. I mean, she's very—quiet _—_ and a considerate roommate.”

“That's great,” Sarah pronounced. “I'd hate to share a bed with a selfish sleeper.”

I tried to puzzle out what she could be driving at. Did she think I had kept Liara awake? How would she know that? “Yeah,” I agreed at last, unable to decide.

“So, are you dating?” she asked.

I fumbled the bowl of batter; it fell a handful of centimeters and clattered against the counter top noisily. “What!?” I asked, surprised. I spun around to face her directly and noticed that she was sitting on our countertop, one leg draped over the other, and her hands meshed and holding her knee. She looked at me expectantly.

“You and Liara,” Sarah asked again. “She's your best friend, didn't you say?”

“Yes,” I confirmed, my mind racing. “Wh-what made you think that we're dating?”

“It's why you're both here,” Sarah stated. “I'm sure of it now. But geeze, Ash, couldn't you tell us first?”

“First?” I replied, my voice small.

“I saw you kiss her when I went to open my bedroom door for the night.”

“Oh, Sarah,” I closed my eyes, grimacing. Pain gripped my chest. _She must feel so betrayed because I didn't tell her._ “I'm—sorry. I never meant—I wanted to tell you, but I thought it might be easier if I took it slowly...” my voice trailed off. My head dropped to my chest, and I contemplated the bowl of pancake mix when I finally managed to open my eyes again.

“Uh huh,” she stated, her voice completely level. “Well, this is a shocker, I have to admit. You're gay, aren't you?”

I looked up at Sarah, meeting her eyes briefly. I didn't see any judgment in them, but it was hard to hold her gaze while coming out. I swallowed reflexively. “Uh, well, sorta.”

“Ash!” she replied tersely. “There's been times I've wondered, but—you never told us! You never even told _me!_ ”

“I know; it's just—things were hard enough for me in the military already. I couldn't stand distancing myself from the rest of you any more than my assignments already did. I wasn't sure how you'd react, and I was afraid about my CO's finding out. Besides, it's a non-issue, really, because I swear I'm still the same sister I always was.”

“Yes, you are,” Sarah agreed. She bounded off the counter top and drew me into a suffocatingly tight hug. She reprimanded me with a sharp edge to her voice, “But you should have told us. We're Williams sisters; we have no use for secrets between us.”

“Yes,” I managed, a lump forming in my throat. “I'm sorry, Sarah.”

Sarah sighed. “It's okay,” she affirmed, breaking out in a giggle. “My big sister likes alien girls.”

“I do not!” I demanded, upset. When she looked up from her hug to study my face, I explained,”I like _Liara._ ”

“There's a difference?” Sarah asked, somewhat hesitant.

“A _big_ difference,” I informed her. “She's... well... She's _Liara_ ,” I tried to explain and failed to figure out where I was going with my argument.

“Oh, so you've got it bad, then,” Sarah observed. “You love her, huh?”

“Yes!” I insisted. A little less certainly, I asked, “Is—is that okay?”

“Of course, you big dummy!” Sarah assured. “But, you might want to tell mom and our sisters before repeating last night's performance. It might go over better that way.”

“You think they'll be okay with it?” I asked, desiring a little more reassurance.

“Of course!” Sarah shot back, “Do you know how excited I am that you found somebody, Ash!? SUPER EXCITED! This is the best news I've heard in, like, ever. My sister isn't on her own anymore, she has a girlfriend!”

From behind us, a surprised voice called out, “Girlfriend?”

It was Liara. I sighed with relief that it wasn't my mother; I would have been mortified if I'd lost my only opportunity to break the news to her gently. “Liara... Um... Guess what, Sarah knows!”

“She does?” Liara asked, hesitant. She looked at my sister.

Sarah smiled and rushed over, giving Liara an impromptu hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Sarah repeated until she broke off her hug. “I'm so happy for you. For both of you.” She shot pointed look my way, daring me to call her a liar and give her the chance to prove herself. I leaned against the counter top I'd been working at and smiled warmly. _She's right, you know, you can tell that she's genuinely happy for us._

“Yes. One sister down, two sisters and a mom to go,” I proclaimed.

“This is wonderful,” Liara stated, beaming. “I never imagined Ash would be so quick about it. I thought she wanted to tell all of you together, and give you more time to ask your questions.”

“Questions?” Sarah pipped up, perplexed. “The only question we'll have is why it took so long to tell us.”

I sighed, a bit irritated. “Sarah...”

“No, don't 'Sarah' me,” she sassed. “I mean it, Ash. You've gotten yourself all worked up over nothing. I _promise_ you, everyone will be supportive. Even Lynn. You're the only one who's worrying about how the family will react.”

Unable to counter her argument, I replied with slight disbelief, “I'll believe it when I see it.”

Just then my mother emerged from her room, and the three Williams began to set up the table for breakfast while Liara watched us. Sarah kept her features schooled and impassive, hiding her earlier excitement impressively. As we finished, the front door opened, heralding the arrival of my other two sisters. They were already chattering about their favorite plans for today, but paused long enough to greet each of us, including Liara. Together we sat down and began eating together. I could tell Liara was pleased that she already recognized the food I'd prepared, and she ate her pancakes with gusto. She explained asari cuisine's camadia and its similarities and differences to pancakes to my family.

After breakfast, the table swiftly broke up as my mother and sisters, minus Sarah, began to clear the table and take care of the dishes. The three of us left sitting at the table shot shot questioning looks to each other.

“Do you two want to work on getting us a ride into Dotter?” I asked Sarah and Liara at last, grasping at straws.

“Sure,” Sarah agreed, standing up. Liara stood as well. “This way,” Sarah directed kindly, indicating the way to the living room with an outstretched arm.

I took a deep breath and stood. Heading into the kitchen, I pushed inside until Lynn and Abby managed to shift around the counters enough to make room. “Hey, cooks don't get in the cleaners' way,” Lynn protested.

“Mom, Abby, Lynn. Hold up a minute. I want to tell you all something.”

The women stopped and regarded me with confusion. “What is it, dear?” my mother questioned.

I could feel my nervousness returning from this morning's confrontation in full force. I forced myself to ignore it as best I could. “I have big personal news,” I told them.

I saw three sets of eyebrows rise almost imperceptibly in surprise. I almost lost my battle against my fears right then and there because I was so completely derailed by the random observation. “I'm seeing someone,” I told them. “Actually, that's why I'm here. I wanted to tell you all that I'm seeing Liara.”

“Seeing Liara?” Lynn replied, her brow furrowed in complete confusion, “She's—she's just your friend, though.”

“What are you saying, dear?” my mom added, confused.

“Well, that's how things went for us,” I stated. “First we became friends... Then we became more.”

“What, last night?” Abby's eyebrows began to reach for the ceiling.

I shook my head. “No. Look.” I paused, taking a deep breath, steeling my nerves. “Liara and I are seeing each other romantically. We have been for some time. I just—I didn't know how to tell you. I know this is sudden... I've tried to do this so many times to a mirror, and it went just as badly then as it's going now...” I sighed. “I'm sorry for not telling you. I hid the truth because I didn't know _how_ to tell you. But things are getting serious, between Liara and I, and I needed to get rid of this secret. We—uh—we both did.”

“Honey, isn't Liara a girl?” my mother inquired gently.

“Yes... No... Not technically...” I tried to answer, becoming flustered. “She's an asari, mom. Please don't ask me hard questions right now; I'm barely able to stand here as it is.”

“I'm sorry,” she apologized. “I just don't understand, honey. You've never said anything about liking girls, or aliens that look like girls, for that matter.”

“I know. I—couldn't. But I'm trying to be brave right now and make up for that. Mom, I know this doesn't seem like me, but I'm telling you the truth. Please, don't be upset with me. I never wanted to hurt any of you...” I trailed off, my voice cracking.

“Oh honey,” Mom rushed forward, pulling me into a hug. “Oh honey, no, I'm not upset. It's okay.”

My tears broke free of their dam and ran down my face into my mother's shirt. I gripped my mother tightly as choked sobs tore free from within my chest. I felt more arms then and realized my sisters had flanked us and joined in the hug. Now my tears fell wholesale and the sobs softened, as my heart recognized love and acceptance from all of them.

When we finally all broke apart, everyone's eyes were slightly watery, but everyone was smiling brightly. “Thank you,” I told them.

“Thank you for telling us,” Abby countered immediately, smiling a bit wider for a moment. Lynn and my mother copied after her, silently adding their agreement and support. The moment seemed to crystallize for each of us.

Sarah cleared her throat. We each turned to see her standing in the doorway. “Now that that's out of the way, let's have some fun today. The shuttle will be here in five minutes. We should get ready for our day on the town before it gets here.”

“Wait, please,” I requested. Everyone regarded me. Speaking up as loud as I could with my voice still a bit fragile from the remnants of powerful emotion, I called towards the living room, “Liara, come here!”

I entered the dining room to intercept Liara as she entered, making room for my sisters and mother to wait with me in the same room. As Liara entered, I snaked my right arm around her back, resting it at her hip, holding her in her proper place at my side. I cleared my throat. “Mom, Sisters, this is my girlfriend, Liara T'Soni.”

“We're pleased to meet you again,” my mother replied with a smile. “Properly, this time.”

Liara seemed to freeze in place momentarily, and then attempted to cover for it with a rapid response, “Yes, I'm very pleased to meet all of you—again.” Her cheeks flushed slightly darker blue as she grew embarrassed. I squeezed her against me slightly, and she seemed to draw the necessary courage to rebound. “Thank you for having me over to your home.”

My mother nodded. Sarah, wanting to break the last remnants of the tension, reminded us, “The shuttle's almost here. Let's get a move on, we've got a lot to show off to Liara and Ash. Dotter's grown since you were last here, Ash.”

“Yes, let's,” I agreed readily, turning towards Liara. “You want to?”

“Wherever you are, I want to be,” she announced, smiling. Turning to my family, she added, “I have so much I want to learn about each of you. I hope you don't mind a lot of questions; the scientist in me loves questions.”

There was brief laughter all around, and at last the tension had completely fled. “Let's get going,” Abby insisted. “Dad would be the first to point out how much time we're wasting here!”

Everyone agreed. There were brief hugs between each of us as we seemed to meet all over again on brand new terms. Then, without delay, my family boarded the waiting shuttle and began chatting about our plans for today excitedly. I relinquished my hold on Liara's hip to grab her hand instead when we boarded last. Squeezing our hands together, our smiles perfectly matched each others as the conversation began to take over our attention.

As we rode through the clear summer's day, our spirits never left the skies.


End file.
